Marc Chernoff's Blog, page 47

10 Life Choices You Will Regret in 10 Years (and Maybe Sooner)

In the end, more than anything else, we regret the little things we wish we’d done differently.

“If only…” Those two words paired together create one of the saddest phrases in the English language.

Here are ten life choices that ultimately lead to that phrase of regret, and how to elude them on the average day:

1. Wearing a mask to impress others.

If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because when you spend too much time concentrating on (more…)

40 Quotes for Letting Go and Coping with What You Can’t Control Today

The goal every day for the rest of the year (and beyond) is to gradually grow stronger on the inside, so that less and less on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.

Truth be told, how you cope with unexpected stress and frustration can easily be the difference between living a good life and living an unhealthy one. If you choose unhealthy coping mechanisms like avoidance or denial, for example, you can quickly turn a tough situation into a tragic one. And sadly, this is a common mistake many people make.

When you find yourself facing a disheartening reality, your first reaction might be (more…)

20 Things My Now 80-Year-Old Dad Was 100 Percent Right About

“One day you will look back and see that all along you were blooming.”
— MHN

Twenty-seven years ago, when I was a freshman in high school, my English teacher gave my class a homework assignment entitled, “Advice for a Younger Generation.” The concept of the assignment was simple: Each student had to interview a person who was over the age of 25, gather enough information to write a basic biography of their life and find out what their top tips are for a younger generation. I chose to interview my dad. He was (more…)

6 Things We Often Waste All Our Time and Energy On (Until it’s Too Late)

Life is short, and it is here to be lived.

I recently received a thank you email from a reader named Hope. She said our articles helped motivate her through an arduous recovery process following a serious car accident earlier this year. Although her entire story was both heartbreaking and inspiring, this one line made me pause and think:

“The happiest moment of my life is still that split-second earlier this year when, as I laid crushed under a 2000 pound car, I realized my husband and 9-year-old boy were out of the vehicle and uninjured.”

Dire moments like that force us to acknowledge what’s truly important to us. In Hope’s case, it was her husband and son. And in the remainder of her email she talks about (more…)

10 Sticky Notes We Need to Read Every Morning for the Rest of the Year (and Beyond)

Where you ultimately end up is greatly dependent on your daily attitude and response.

This morning one of our clients, Monica — a recovering victim of a fairly recent and debilitating car accident — was smiling from ear to ear the minute our FaceTime coaching session began. “What has you in such good spirits today?” I asked her. “I’m thinking better about things… about how lucky I am to be alive,” she replied. “I thought the injuries I sustained in that accident earlier this year signified the end of life as I know it, but now I realize they signify the beginning.”

All details aside, Monica decided to begin again, in her mind first and then in her life. It’s taken her several months of healing and practice, but she has gradually let go of the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” attachments in her head about her circumstances. And she has stepped forward with grace, determination, and a healthy mindset.

Let’s follow Monica’s lead and practice thinking better as we move through the final stretch of the year, so we can begin to build momentum, together, as we head into the New Year and beyond… (more…)

4 Daily Habits that Held Most of Us Back Over the Past Year

We ultimately become what we habitually do. If our daily habits aren’t moving us forward, they’re likely holding us back. Here are four widespread examples of the latter that literally held most of the people I know back over the past year (myself included), and some tips for turning things around if one or more of these daily habits held you back too.

1. We weighed ourselves down with unhelpful thoughts.

Twenty years ago, when Marc and I were just undergrads in college, our psychology professor taught us a lesson we’ve never forgotten. On the last day of class before graduation, she walked up on stage to teach one final lesson, which she called “a vital lesson on the power of (more…)

10 Things We Often Wait Too Long to Do for Ourselves

Opportunities are like sunrises — if we wait too long, we miss them.

Too often we waste our time waiting for the ideal path to appear. But it never does of course. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. Let this be your wake-up call!

If we always sit around until we feel 100 percent ready for the journey, we will likely be sitting around for the rest of our lives. Most of the time we just have to get up and go for it. And no, we shouldn’t feel any more confident before we take the next step. Taking the next step is what gradually builds our confidence. Now is the time!

Yes, it’s finally time to admit that… (more…)

3 Fundamental Lessons Too Many of Us Learn Too Late in Life

“In elementary school my parents told me it didn’t matter what I did when I grew up, so long as it made me happy. ‘Happiness is the whole point of life,’ my father said. ‘But it doesn’t always come easy. Your mother loves to help people in need, so she became a psychiatric nurse. I love reading, writing and poetry, so I became an English teacher. We both find happiness in the hard work we do each day.’

A few years later when I was in junior high, my sixth-grade homeroom teacher put me in detention for ‘being difficult.’ She went around the classroom and asked each student what they wanted to be when they grew up. When she got to me, I told her I wanted to be happy. She told me I was missing the whole point of the question. I told her she was missing the whole point of life.”

That’s an old parable my grandmother recited to me countless times when (more…)

10 Mindful Ways to Remain Calm When Others Are Out of Control

You can’t calm the storm. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will gradually pass.

Over the past decade, there’s a way of being I’ve gradually been cultivating in myself — I’ve been taming my tendency to get riled up and argue with people when their behavior doesn’t match my expectations.

As human beings we all have an idea in our heads about how things are supposed to be, and sadly this is what often messes us up the most. We get frustrated when things don’t play out the way we expect them to, and when people don’t behave like they’re “supposed” to. We expect our family to act a certain way, our friends to always be kind, and strangers to be less difficult.

And when reality hits us, and everyone seems to be doing the opposite of what we expect them to do, we get triggered — anger, frustration, stress, arguments, tears, etc.

If you can relate in any way at all right now, it’s to to remind yourself (more…)

9 Daily Habits that Often Cause 90 Percent of Our Relationship Problems

There’s something to be said for slow and steady progress, but there’s also something to be said for decisive and sweeping action. When it comes to negative relationship habits, there’s no time like today to quit cold turkey. Of course that’s a lot easier said than done, but with practice we can do better almost immediately.

Lately I’ve been making it a point to bring more awareness to the specific negative relationship habits our coaching clients have been repeatedly complaining about or engaging in. And perhaps more importantly than that, I’ve also been noticing how frequently many of the same habits and behaviors surface in my personal relationships. I mean let’s be honest, we all misbehave in our relationships sometimes. None of us are immune to occasional negative mood swings. But that doesn’t excuse what we do to each other on a daily basis. 

Over the years, through our coaching practice and live events, Angel and I have literally worked with hundreds of individuals looking to fix or strengthen their relationships, and we’ve learned a lot about what it takes to make that happen. One of the most significant realizations, again, is the fact that most problems in our relationships (both intimate and platonic) arise from the same basic negative habits and behavioral issues. Here are some of the more prevalent ones to be aware of… (more…)