D.G. Kaye's Blog, page 49

Sunday Book Review – A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

  Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. Through my journey of grief and reading several books on the subject of grieving, several times I came across quotes from C.S. Lewis’ book on grief mentioned in other books- A Grief Observed, which he wrote after losing his beloved wife. I came across Lewis’ reflections on bereavement in some other books I’d read, which had me scurrying off to Amazon to read yet another book on grief. But I didn’t feel this was just ‘another book on grief’, but a telling, a rant, a questioning, and a feeling of familiarity. I also felt this book different because it wasn’t written after the healing began, rather, in the rawness of grief as he questioned death and what, if anything, comes after.   Clive Staples Lewis was one of the intellectual giants of the twentieth century and arguably one of the most influential writers of his day.   “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” – C.S. Lewis         Blurb: A Grief Observed is Lewis’ brutally honest reflection on the death of his wife, Joy Gresham, which exposes readers to the fact that man is vulnerable and fragile when attempting to understand the goodness of God in the midst of extreme pain.   Lewis’ four-part reflection brings readers face to face with the cruel reality of the damage that sin has done to our world. His writing demonstrates utter despair as a result of acknowledging that death is a natural and unavoidable destiny for all. He writes expressing the sentiment that his wife was so beautiful and beloved that her death, though natural, was undeserved. Lewis compares the feeling of grief to fear stating that it gives him the same restlessness, yawning and fluttering of the stomach. It is not hard for the reader to recognize that Lewis feels that damage has been done to his world.   While Lewis paints a vivid picture of why he loved his wife Joy, throughout his reflection she remains a faint figure in the background while the author focuses on grief itself. A Grief Observed leaves readers with a real sense of the frailty of the human experience.   Written after his wife’s tragic death as a way of surviving the “mad midnight moments”, A Grief Observed is C.S. Lewis’s honest reflection on the fundamental issues of life, death, and faith in the midst of loss. This work contains his concise, genuine reflections on that period: “Nothing will shake a man, or at any rate a man like me, out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.”   This is a beautiful and unflinchingly honest record of how even a stalwart believer can lose all sense of meaning in the universe, and how he can gradually regain his bearings.     My 5 Star Review: I’ve read many books on grief through my own journey of darkness after losing the love of my own life, and what I will say about this book is that it’s raw and in the moment while the writer suffers the pangs of grief for the giant loss in his life while in the depths of his grief, sharing his thoughts and cynicism on the topic of death during the grieving process through his anger at god. Lewis questions all we know of death and what happens after, asking, what do we know really about the end of life and if there really is anything more after. Lewis helps put in words what many of us grievers wonder of the same. The author doesn’t offer the hope, but shares his path to coping as he questions god and religion and what exactly the ‘afterlife’ is all about and if it exists.   Lewis is a broken and confused man struggling to accept the death of his wife, writer Joy Gresham, he affectionately refers to as H., (her given name, Helen). These are the writings of a man suffering grief after losing the true love of his life – his ‘other half’. His writings are like a search for answers, a questioning of self, love and god.   Lewis talks about some people as ‘idiots’ in one of his rants – people who don’t have the faintest idea about some of the platitudes that automatically spill from their mouths as condolence: “It was God’s plan,” “She’s in a better place now.” Empty platitudes he calls them from people who have no conception behind those words. This statement seems to be the general concensus from those of us who’ve loved and lost.   Often people don’t know what to say. They don’t want us to hurt so they say words like, “It will get better, time to move on, or even worse, pretending to know the actual weight of grief when they’ve never walked the walk,” Lewis touches on this, the deep-seated root of pain of loss as he laments in his grief.   I’d recommend this book for anyone grieving and searching their soul.     Memorable quotes from Lewis on grief: ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed   “Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.”   “Tonight all the hells of young grief have opened again; the mad words, the bitter resentment, the fluttering in the stomach, the nightmare unreality, the wallowed-in tears. For in grief nothing ‘stays put.’ One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?”   “Did you ever know, dear, how much you took away with you when you left? You have stripped me even of my past, even of the things we never shared.”   ©DGKaye2021  

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Let’s Have A Look – Spirit World #Sunset – Do you believe?

Today I want to share a weird photo experience I had. As many of you know, I recently moved into a smaller condo within the same building. I have to say, I don’t love it here. I don’t love living back on my own without my husband, but I also don’t like living in dark places.   When I agreed to take the unit, before getting to actually see it because it was under renovations, I was told it was a western exposure. That was music to my ears as the unit we’d lived in for six years together had an eastern exposure. The morning sun lit up our home for a good part of the day, but the trouble was, other balconies looked on in if they chose to look over their balconies, thus, having me keeping the blinds closed most of the day in the living room where I spent much of my time. I always complained to my husband that we would never move anywhere again if sunlight didn’t fill our rooms. But I was duped.   Sure my new place has ‘barely’ a western exposure, but once again, the way the building is laid out, an extended part blocks the sun, leaving a partial view of the small forest behind blocking sun with the trees. Needless to say, I got very depressed over this once I got the rude awakening. The sun only peeks out through the section of trees through my balcony livingroom window after 4pm and if I hadn’t purchased all new LED white daylight lightbulbs and a huge standup lamp with heavy duty large white light bulbs that actually can fool one into believing the sun is beaming through the windows, it would be like living in the dark 24/7.   So now that I’ve given you the lowdown on the quasi dungeon-like condo I live in, let me tell you about the weird sunset story. I don’t often see much of any sunsets here, and I don’t often go on my balcony, other than to put yet another item out on the shelving unit I put out there because of lack of room for some of my storage items, but the other evening something compelled me to take my phone out and snap a few photos.   I was walking by the window around 8pm when I noticed an extremely orange beam of sunlight shining through the trees into my window. I thought it unusual as in the almost two months I’ve lived here, I’d never saw that strength of sun peeking through. Now, most of you know I’m quite spiritual and interested in the world of spiritual beings and messages from the beyond so I wanted to share these photos I felt compelled to take. The photos that appeared on my camera were quite vivid with color and orbs, but were NOT visible to my naked eye. I’m still awe inspired by these photos and still trying to figure them out.   I know some of you here are also spiritual readers – you know who you are, and I’d be thrilled for feedback on thoughts about what you all get from these images below. Don’t forget to enlarge the photos to get a better view.   Do you see the orb near the bottom right corner encased in an oval circle?   Check out the beam of purple light streaming from the sunlight.   In this shot, the purple light almost takes on a shape of a figure, maybe angel wings? Note the orb at the bottom.   Another magnificent shot. Note the orb again, encased in a separate oval-shaped circle.     If you aren’t familiar with orbs, below are two links from Soul and Spirit that explains what to look for.   https://www.soulandspiritmagazine.com...   This article describes various orbs. Number 3 resonated with me:   “Brightly-coloured orbs are worth a real look, as those caused by dust and water are usually just off-white. When you get a bright red, blue or golden orb, it can be a sign that a spirit has a message for you. Anyone who gets a bright orb, should be looking for the message in it.” https://www.soulandspiritmagazine.com...   Have any of you even seen orbs or spirit in your photos?   ©DGKayewriter.com        

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Sunday Book Review – Testimony of Light – An Extraordinary Message of Life After Death

Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. Today I’m sharing a recent read – Testimony of Light written by Helen Greaves, but the writing is all telepathically transmitted to Helen from her departed good friend and former nun, Frances Banks. Fascinating read on the spiritual life we encounter after we pass to the other side.         Blurb: When Frances Banks died her friend Helen Greaves was by her side. Then, one evening, some three weeks after Frances’ death, Helen sensed her presence. This extraordinary encounter marked the beginning of contact between them from either side of the veil. ‘Testimony of Light’ is based on the communications that Helen received telepathically from Frances. The scripts have been authenticated by those who knew them both and who were familiar with their individual writing styles. Moving and inspiring, this book is a testament to the enduring power of their friendship and offers an important message to us all – that the death of the body is but a gentle passing to a much freer and fuller life. ‘Never have we read such a spontaneous, simple, direct, happy and instructive series of scripts from “the other side”‘ Science of Thought Review ‘A glass of spiritual champagne’ – Churches Fellowship News   My 5 Star Review: The book was written in the late 1960s by Helen Greaves, who was a writer, not a practicing medium, who was purportedly translating the messages of her departed friend, a former nun, Frances Banks, who had passed a short while before the writing. Frances was communicating to her friend Helen through telepathic writing (channeled thoughts from Frances) from the next life. We are told that Frances had been encouraged by her group of souls to contact her friend Helen in order for her to document Frances’ experiences in a book for the benefit of those still residing on the earth plane, wanting to know more about the other side, and wanting to confirm that our soul and consciousness go with us. I was particularly interested in the fact that Frances had for some 25 years, been a nun in a Christian order, but left after apparently finding the confines of organized religion  no longer satisfactory as she began her lifelong quest for studying spiritual truth. Published in 1969, Helen Greaves received telepathically (not automatic writing) from her close friend, Sister Frances Banks who died in 1965. For those of us who are curious about the after world, I’d say that Banks’ sharing of life from another realm was a fascinating peek into the next world. The subject matter printed back in the 60s was well ahead of our times.   ©DGKaye2021  

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#WATWB – Meet the Young Woman Helping Others Smile, One Bouquet at a Time! – Goodnet

Welcome to the the #WATWB – We are the World Blogfest, where a group of writers share something good going on in the world to deflect from negativity on the last Friday of each month.   Today I’m sharing an article I came across where one woman doctor brings the smiles one bouquet at a time.  Eleanor Love (appropriate name), worked part time as a florist while going through medical school and has a gifted knack for making bouqets. She has taken it upon herself to bring cheer to patients by collecting leftover flowers from weddings and making bouqets and giving them to patients to brighten their day.     Meet the Young Woman Helping Others Smile, One Bouquet at a Time!     “Eleanor Love knows that flowers have the power to bring joy to people.”   This young doctor’s mission is simple but genius: she turns something old into something new. Here’s how. She collects leftover fresh flowers from weddings and rearranges them into beautiful bouquets for re-gifting to hospital patients.   “But in this simple gesture of giving gorgeous flowers to lonely hospital patients, she is also gifting a healthy dose of instant happiness, bringing joy to her smiling recipients.”   “The floral passion of the appropriately named Ms. Love all started two years ago when she was a medical student at Virginia Commonwealth University School of Medicine in Richmond, reports the Washington Post. Inspired by hearing about the regifting of flowers happening on the West Coast, and equipped with the hacks to create a beautiful flower arrangement from her part time job at a floral shop before medical school, she decided to add some joy into patients’ lives. She continued the effort by setting up an organzation called The Simple Sunflower, which keeps up with the flower deliveries. . . Visit the full article at Goodnet   Check out the video which explains the Simple Sunflower project   Source: Meet the Young Woman Helping Others Smile, One Bouquet at a Time! – Goodnet   If you’d like to join in posting something positive going on in the world, please add your link to our #WATWB Facebook group.   Hosts for this month are: Mary J. Giese (https://maryjmelange.wordpress.com/ and Belinda Witzenhausen (https://www.BelindaWitzenhausen.com/)    ©DGKaye2021  

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Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

My recent edition for my Realms of Relationships column over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord Blog Magazine is all about Soul Mates.   Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates   Welcome to my column – Realms of Relationships. In my last edition of Realms of Relationships I wrote about Kindred Spirits. In this edition, I’m writing about Soul Mates – how we recognize them, and the common bonds that connect us with them.     What is a Soul Mate?   Let me begin by saying there are four main types of soul mates. You may read about several more, but the main ones I’ll touch on today are: Healing Soul Mates: These are new friends who arrive with intent to provide us with life lessons that help to heal our memories. Healing soul mates appear in our lives through divine timing — the universe sends us these souls in the times we most need them to teach us a lesson we need to learn, comfort us in a time of need, and often to teach us a path forward. Most healing friendships exist only for as long as it takes to fulfil their purpose and help us align ourselves in clearer situations. This kind of friend usually shows up when we are facing repetitive patterns and trying to work through old issues with no resolution. Karmic Soul Mates: Karmic soul mates could sometimes come as Past Life soul mates too. Our connection is deep and karmic, and often painful, as it aligns us with our ego struggles. The lesson is to experience the ego pain and learn to work through it to learn how to overcome ego difficulties. Karmic soul mates sometimes have a twin-like connection. When intense emotions are evoked, each mate can actually feel what each other feels. Some of these souls have come back by reincarnation to relive and fix their own karma from a past life, to help break a negative, repetitive cycle. The struggle for many is to learn to disregard our ego, and a karmic soul is the perfect one to help teach us. Past Life Soul Mates: These are the people we may have shared a past life with. We’ll experience a Déjà vu feeling with this person. This person will help to shape us into better humans. We’ll feel as though we’ve known that person forever, making the relationship feel easy and familiar. The connection is instant. We may feel we’ll be mates for a lifetime — no matter how much time has passed or how far apart we may be from them through distance. We learn to trust and believe in ourselves with this person’s guidance. This new soul friend will help us grow into the person we’re meant to be. These relationships are typically platonic, not about physical attraction, but as a protective, nourishing friendship. This type of friendship can last a lifetime. This person may not be someone you will see every day, but you will stay connected through other means to sustain the relationship. They’ll always bring love and fun, no matter how much time has passed. Twin Flames Soul Mates: Twin flames cooperate to overcome emotional and spiritual barriers. They could talk for hours without ever running out of things to say. They think in the same way, they’re on the same energy wavelength, they often finish each other’s sentences, and enjoy doing things as a pair. When we meet our twin flame, we’ll feel a sense of oneness. Twin Flames usually aren’t in a romantic relationship. They are usually forever. Many Twin Flames feel as though each other is their other half. Often, words aren’t required to communicate, as they often know what each other will say or what they’re thinking.     A soul mate brings lessons for us to learn. Some soul mates may disappear from our lives once they’ve delivered the lesson and, quite possibly, show up again at other times. Some other soul mates will remain in our lives if we are lucky enough to find one. Other soul mates recognize their soul mate instantly by experiencing a feeling of familiarity upon first meeting. The energy attracts. We recognize a soul mate when we feel we can bear our souls openly without judgements and be completely free with that person about who we are, inside and out. This is a mutual understanding between both souls. Again, a soul mate can definitely become our spouse, but friends can also be soul mates. There are romantic and platonic soul mates. Some people think a soul mate is automatically our chosen relationship mate, but there are different types of soul mates. And not every couple marries their soul mate. Generally speaking, a soul mate is someone we mesh beautifully with in thinking, values, likes, etc. But for many, a soul mate is much more. For instance, if we have a close bond with someone, we often can feel or ‘know’ what they’re thinking, and sometimes even what they are up to without speaking, and commonly, easily finish each other’s sentences.     A soul connection with someone feels as though we connected on a same soul level. A soul mate is someone we feel a deep, natural affinity for, someone our soul recognizes and resonates with. There is typically a common bond bringing the two souls together. This can be in friendships or relationships of the heart. When we find this person, we just know. A special bond forms that leave us feeling we’ve known that person in another life, or that some common incident brought us both together. Sometimes soul mates come into our lives because we’ve made a pre-destined pact in a past life to be together in this life, in various capacities.   Does everyone have a Soul Mate?   There potentially are soul mates for everyone, but that doesn’t mean we will all get that gifted opportunity to meet a soul mate. . . continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord   Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – August 2021 – Soul Mates | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine   ©DGKaye2021  

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Sunday Book Review – The Ferryman and The Sea Witch by Diana Wallace Peach

Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. As many of you know, I’ve been on a whirlwind of reading books that are helping me to get through my personal journey of grief. In between these books, I have stuck in a few ‘pleasure’ reads that had me lost in story, which I’m finding is the perfect antidote to engage me as a perfect diversion from the dark abyss I often find myself in since I’ve moved and settled into my solo home. Diana’s book was great medicine for me in that department. The Ferryman and the Sea Witch was a spectacular world build that took me right into the story of Callum – the Ferryman who sailed the deep sea, for a debt he owed to the Sea Witch, which begins the story of good versus evil. A vast array of intricate characters including two warring kingdoms where Callum’s ship crossed waters between both. Only, with every journey came a new threat and Callum’s job to play middle-man between the feuding royals.     Blurb:   The merrow rule the sea. Slender creatures, fair of face, with silver scales and the graceful tails of angelfish. Caught in a Brid Clarion net, the daughter of the sea witch perishes in the sunlit air. Her fingers dangle above the swells. The queen of the sea bares her sharp teeth and, in a fury of wind and waves, cleanses the brine of ships and men. But she spares a boy for his single act of kindness. Callum becomes the Ferryman, and until Brid Clarion pays its debt with royal blood, only his sails may cross the Deep. Two warring nations, separated by the merrow’s trench, trade infant hostages in a commitment to peace. Now, the time has come for the heirs to return home. The Ferryman alone can undertake the exchange. Yet, animosities are far from assuaged. While Brid Clarion’s islands bask in prosperity, Haf Killick, a floating city of derelict ships, rots and rusts and sinks into the reefs. Its ruler has other designs. And the sea witch crafts dark bargains with all sides. Callum is caught in the breach, with a long-held bargain of his own which, once discovered, will shatter this life.   My 5 Star Review:   A twisted tale of an evil sea witch who commands the sea at her whim. A fantastic voyage of love, hate, obedience, power struggle, blackmail, revenge, secrets and death. The merrow (half mermaid, half siren) control the waters of the deep for the Sea Witch. In the beginning, the fishermen caught a merrow in their net, and when Callum tried to cut the merrow loose, he was ordered to leave her for dead. But despite his efforts, he couldn’t save her, and that merrow just happened to be the daughter of the vengeful Sea Witch. And that’s where the story begins.   The Sea Witch demanded that the Ferryman (Callum) would have to pay penance by killing a royal and throwing them to the sea as punishment for the death of her daughter. She sank all other ships that crossed the ocean and would allow Callum’s ship to cross between the two kingdoms, but could never again step on land until such time as a royal is killed. Callum would have to dump one prisoner a day into the sea until such time as a royal is drowned to remain able to sail through the deep. The politics of the sea between the two kingdom rulers – the evil Queen Caspia of Haf Killick and King Thayne of Brid Clarion, and the Sea Witch, Panmar, set the story for deceit and foolery.   The action is plentiful, as there are a sea of characters to keep us encapsulated while Callum must deal with the daily antics of Caspia who becomes a threat to his own family. Callum is inundated with requests from both Caspia and Panmar, on a daily basis. Both their edict requests will keep us flipping the pages while the action on the sea keep us gripped as we continue to read and wonder who will win out, the good or the evils?   Stunning world-building – especially the underworld of the sea, well developed characters, deliciously descript, and the tension that will keep you glued in waiting as to who will survive and who will die in this ultimate sea adventure about the battle for power and survival. If you love fantasy with rich world-building, you will want to read this book.   ©DGKaye2021  

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Writer’s Tips – #Facebook Woes, Building #ARC Review Teams, #BookBub, Author Branding

Welcome to my August edition of collaborated links full of Writer’s Tips and great promotional ideas for authors. In this edition – Facebook Woes, Building an Arc review team, Slashing your word count, how to use BookBub effectively, branding your blog, and how to get the most out of your Amazon author pages.     Kathy Steinemann wrote an excellent post on Facebook woes – When Facebook AI Runs Awry. As many of us writers have experienced Facebook woes, Kathy shares her experience and links to contacting the ‘elusive’ Facebook. Check out Kathy’s new author page she created since Facebook would no longer let her into her page.   Source: When Facebook AI Runs Awry, Oh My!       Anne R. Allen with an article on how Amazon and BookBub will help us sell our books FREE   How Amazon and Bookbub Will Help You Sell Books–FREE     Sally Cronin with Part 2 on her Smorgasbord Marketing and PR series for authors – Branding your blog and your writing   Smorgasbord Blog Magazine Podcast – Book Marketing and PR for authors – Branding your Blog or your Writing by Sally Cronin     The Kindlepreneur, Dave Chesson is back with another article at Anne R. Allen’s blog – How to build an ARC review team for a booklaunch   How to Build an ARC Review Team for your Book Launch     Kathy Steinemann with another article on her series – How to Slash Your Word Count   https://kathysteinemann.com/Musings/w...     Getting the most from your Amazon author page   https://www.amarketingexpert.com/2021...   There’s something for everyone here so I hope you enjoy!   ©DGKaye2021  

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Sunday Book Review – Healing A Spouse’s Grieving Heart by Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt

The Sunday Book Review highlights Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Heart by Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, who is a noted author, educator, and grief counselor. This book is a great companion guide for those of us who’ve loved and lost someone. It offers 100 practical ideas to help cope with grief.   Available on Amazon   Blurb: Helping widows and widowers learn how to cope with the grief of losing their helpmate, their lover, and perhaps their financial provider, this guide shows them how to find continued meaning in life when doing so seems difficult. Bereaved spouses will find advice on when and how to dispose of their mate’s belongings, dealing with their children, and redefining their role with friends and family. Suggestions are provided for elderly mourners, young widows and widowers, unmarried lovers, and same-sex partners. The information and comfort offered apply to individuals whose spouse died recently or long ago.   My 5 Star Review: Comfort for the grieving spouse’s heart told in bite-sized, often one page chapters. Easy to digest as a complete read through, or as a night table book where you could keep it handy to open a page for a bit of inspiration. The book offers short and comforting words and suggestions and short to-the- point topics and advice to live by. An easy read that had my head nodding in acknowledgement to much of it. This book offers good tools to help wade through the grief journey. Dr. Wolfelt offers us 100 Practical Ideas in one page chunks as he shares a common issue mourners face with uplifting advice on how to deal with those moments. I will share quotes I felt poignant, and I’ll add my own thoughts from my own experience in response: “The death of a spouse tears through every layer of your existence.” – Fact. “You will grow to learn that you can mourn and live at the same time.”–  I’m beginning to learn this. “The loss of a partner is among life’s most wrenching and challenging experiences.” – 1000000% The doctor tells us “The journey of grief is a long and difficult one. It is also a journey for which there is no preparation.” – Fact! We’ll learn that feelings of shock, numbness, and disbelief are nature’s way of protecting us from the full reality of the death of a loved one. Yes! Thank God for the numbness and denial! We’re advised to reach out to someone when we need to share our pain. Good advice for sure, but for some like myself, I don’t like to reach out and burden others. I wish some would pick up a phone and check up on me – if nothing other than common courtesy. Reminders about who we are now after we are left as half from one. The arduous and painful work will begin when we assume our own new single identity. Here’s a bigee for me: “Widows often tell me how surprised and hurt they feel when friends fall away after the death of a spouse. I found out who my friends really are,” they say. – This is my number one glaring headlight into my new life – the very, very few who are now in my life. Death surely tells a whole story. “Caring for someone who is sick is physically as well as emotionally draining.” – Understatement! There is no pain like watching your beloved die before you daily. I’m pretty sure I’m here: “You may not know what to do with yourself now that your days are no longer consumed by caring for your spouse.” – Yes, not only our world has been shaken, stirred and turned upside down, but now we’re also out of routine, another sense of loss – that we are no longer needed. “Many people have lost touch with the gift of family. Your friends may come and go, but family, as they say, is forever.” – I’m sorry, but this part actually made me laugh. Let me rephrase that: Your family may come and go, but friends are forever. I’m a living testament to this. “If you harbor bad feelings about your partner’s medical care, find a way to express those feelings.” – Oh I’ve expressed my feelings loud and clear. Covid killed my husband and he didn’t even have it. He couldn’t be assessed in hospital during Covid, so like the many more who died because of Covid, without having Covid will be numbers we will be receiving in time. My husband was a victim of not being able to get assessed early enough in hospital. That is Fact. “Being without someone to hug and hold is often a big part of their grief. You may have kissed and hugged your spouse every day. You probably slept side by side. Losing this kind of physical intimacy can feel devastating.” – No kidding! The good doctor hit the motherlode here. We hugged and kissed many times a day. Of course we slept not always side by side, but spooned and tucking my always cold feet under his legs. There is no replacement. It’s loss upon loss us grievers will continue to endure. “It’s not unusual for mourners to save clothing, jewelry, books, locks of hair, and other personal items. You may even want to wear your husband’s old sweatshirt or sleep with your wife’s robe.” -Some of the small comforts in my own grief. I gave away most of hubby’s things and kept what was most sacred to me: Special photos, his gold chain, now worn with his wedding ring hanging from it. His slippers by the bed. His favorite sweatshirts. And his love that is always around. “Should you still wear a wedding ring when you’re a widow, or shouldn’t you?” – Naturally, there is no one answer. But if you’re asking me, I will be wearing my wedding ring til the day I die – no matter what may come. “Griefbursts” – This is a perfect word for the unprepared for moments where merely a kind word, hug or song can set off the waterworks. Throughout this book, the good doctor shares some good advice on things to do to get back into community, suggests when it may be time to talk to a counselor, join a support group, among many other suggestions. Another quote I found resonated big-time with me was: “You may lack the energy as well as the desire to participate in activities you used to find pleasurable. The fancy term for this is ‘anhedonia,’ which is the lack of ability to experience pleasure in things you previously found pleasurable.” – I’m so there. I don’t like to be out long, and like to dash right back home when out for a time. What I need is a holiday away from my environment. “If you choose to marry, know that you will never get over your grief for the spouse who died. You will always love your previous spouse and, even years and decades later, you will always feel some grief over his or her death. This is normal and necessary.” – I absolutely couldn’t agree more. Real love never goes away. Why would I even consider remarrying? My husband filled my heart and soul. That doesn’t go away. Marrying anyone else could only make them second best, and who would want to be that? If you are grieving, read this book.   ©DGKaye2021    

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Q & A with D.G. Kaye, Featuring #Thriller Author, Leyla Cardena

Welcome back to my author interview series – Q & A with D.G. Kaye. It’s been quite a turbulent year for me, but as I’m slowly getting back to regular program blogging I wanted to bring back my Q & A series. And to kick off the series, I am thrilled to have over my lovely Swiss author and friend, Leyla Cardena. Leyla recently released her newest thriller book – Existing Creatures, Living Dragons, and today we’re going to get to know a little about Leyla, her writing, and her books.   About Leyla: Leyla Cardena was born on the 2nd of August 1990 in Geneva, Switzerland. Since her childhood, she became fascinated by all creative mediums such as cinema, writing and theater plays, which drove her to write since the age of eleven. At 23, after night school in the domain of Swiss law and working as a corporate assistant, she followed her dream to become an author and wrote her first novel in French titled “Karmicalement Vôtre”, published in France in 2013. She then, in 2019, published her second novel written in English “Becoming Insane”, and its sequel “Existing Creatures, Living Dragons” in July 2021.               Blurb: Underneath the earth, John Crane’s bones are cracking and his flesh is burning. His memories are at present as alive as his body, a body, preparing itself for metamorphosis and freedom. In the black box of Jack Vain’s mind, his belongings explode, his past life is an illusion, and ultimately, is a tower destructed by his unfulfilled desires. The recurring nightmare, the hand on Dr. Brooke Ashley’s thigh, is now a warning sign against danger, an appropriation that leads her instinct into the right directions. The djinn that Hassan Maroun met, is the little and magical voice that makes him wonder if the current events can be clearly and scientifically explained. The creature from John and Jack’s dreams and fantasies, is the master of their evolution. Will the two childhood friends be able to accept their transformation in order to make the investigation advance?     Let’s get to know more about Leyla!   Where do your book ideas grow from?   I believe that book ideas can grow from anywhere at any time. For creators, I suppose they come from subjects they are passionate about, the same applies for me. For Becoming Insane and its sequel, Existing Creatures, Living Dragons, my ideas came from my personal experience with panic attacks and OCD which I suffered from for a period. It came during a time where I chose to leave my job behind (and a lot of other things) to start new and become an author. The issue of taking a risk without any guarantees, while also not taking any and feeling suffocated is the first main theme in Becoming Insane. The creativity that my main characters, Jack Vain and John Crane possess, becomes during their adulthood the unfulfilled and hungry creature that haunts and stalks them. The need to create comes back with a vengeance. Also, for those two novels, psychology is a very important subject. Probably because I have a great passion for it and did my best to convey my own emotional experience and a scientific point of view in the books. In other words, I would be reading books about psychology like the DSM when I was a teenager instead of doing my math! For the novels, it’s important to understand that what my main characters are going through, and what happens to them in a “horror and fantasy” way, is interpreted through a Jungian lens. The reason for that is Jung’s works which revolve around archetypes, mythology, and their interpretation, gives the novels the fantasy and fairy tale atmosphere which breaks reality. I thought it fitted well with my characters, who are creative.   D.G, – Sounds fascinating Leyla. I love psychological thrillers and looking forward to reading both your books. 😘     Did you have a passion to write as a child? Do you remember the first thing you wrote?   Always, however, it came first by simply wanting, then needing to create a story by using my toys when I was a child. To the point where my parents would go crazy because I would ask for so many dolls and plushies and whatever I could find that I could use as a character for the story I had invented. As I was only a very young kid my stories were still very basic, with a main character, usually a woman that had to go on a quest of some sort to save someone or the world. Or a more fairy tale-historical kind of story about a character climbing up the social ladder and becoming a leader. Also, some science-fiction when I felt like it. A child’s imagination has no limits! But I adored preparing the set before playing out my story. The first story I ever wrote was when I was about nine years old which I never finished. It was a very simple one about a young ballerina (because I used to do ballet and returned to it a few years ago) who witnesses some ghostly apparitions of another ballet dancer and must discover the secret behind her disappearance. Nothing original I’m afraid!   D.G. – You were certainly gifted the creative bug as a child Leyla. No surprise you became a writer. Maybe you should consider going back and rewriting that ballerina story? 😘     What would you like to see change to make the world better?   I’m extremely sensitive to children’s causes and cannot point out enough how much education is important. I unfortunately had to witness some degree of violence when I was very young, and then quickly was on my own to take responsibility of my own life when I was only sixteen. To the point where I could relate to a lot of the characters in Dickens’ books. That’s why I always say that every century and generation will have their Oliver Twists and David Copperfields. I cannot insist enough on how it’s important, and in some places urgent, to not only give knowledge, but understanding and love. And of course, a good and stable family structure so that the child can be emotionally fulfilled and feel good about himself/herself before diving into the adult world. Yes, I’m very sensitive to that. It’s always good to remember that we are not just raising children, but future adults, and that no matter the hardships and the struggles, to make sure that they have enough self-confidence to follow their dreams and avoid bad situations. The subject of childhood is immensely present in my two novels so yes, children, education and having people around them to help them grow and possess good health (physical and mental) is one of the things that can (or should) evolve for a better world. I suppose it will seem strange coming from me, as I’m not a mom and still haven’t considered becoming one.   D.G. – I’m with you on your thinking about children. I particularly liked, “we are not just raising children, but future adults” so much truth! It sounds like we both lived ‘interesting’ and colorful’ lives as children. 😘     Does anything you watch on TV prompt ideas for your own writing?   I haven’t watched TV in years! Except maybe for the daily news. I watch everything on Youtube and for movies I watch them on Netflix. There are a lot of subjects I’m passionate about that I explore by watching a documentary, then reading a book about the subject I chose to get more details and information about it. The subjects I usually enjoy discovering are (apart from psychology as mentioned above) history, true crime, nature, mythology, and its relationship with theology. There are so many things to learn about, and as I’m a curious person by nature I just can’t stop. I think it comes from my background. I come from a family with many origins, my father is Moroccan, and my mom is half British and half Catalan. My grandmother (on my mother’s side) is half Swedish too. So, I would be transported into different worlds and scenery just by being read a story to by my parents. It’s extremely enriching and makes a child open minded about different cultures while also spotting the similarities we share in storytelling. Music is also one of my greatest inspirations. I love all kinds of music, as it helps me visualize scenes and characters before translating all of it into words.   D.G. – What a fascinating mix of ethnicity in your bloodline Leyla. And good for you for not watching TV, lol. Seems we enjoy reading same subjects too! 😘     Would you like to share with us what upcoming projects and/or ideas for books you’re working on?   I’m currently working on a series of novels entitled “God, Men and Beasts”. We’re still in the thriller/horror genre, but the theme is about survival. Survival in society paralleled with survival in the wild. In Existing Creatures, Living Dragons, my main character John Crane, introduces the first chapter of God, Men and Beasts as his own work as a writer. This new series is about a journalist that must write articles about crime or court cases involving different people that are mysteriously linked to each other. Even though they live in different countries, have different lives, and have lived in different ages and decades, they share something between them that the journalist will discover later (I’m not telling what it is). These future novels are heavily influenced by the geographical location of the characters. For example, if I take England or the north of France, the story happening in this specific location will have a European fairy tale kind of atmosphere, in which the dark woods play a big role, and will represent the mystery, magic and horror of the story. You can also add in an air from the Arthurian legends. However, while Becoming Insane and its sequel Existing Creatures, Living Dragons talks about childhood, inspiration, imagination and even fantasy and how to implement them in our lives and not forget them, God, Men and Beasts is about reigniting our senses and instincts. Talks a lot about different species of animals and our relationship to them, what they used to represent before (which was power, freedom and a specific quality depending on the culture) and now. I’ve been diving into a lot of documentaries about animals, animal behaviorism and animism, which came before paganism and its different mythologies. I’m also continuing a story that is an homage to a Swiss artist that I admire a lot. But I won’t tell you who it is until the book is published!   D.G. – Wow, you have so much on the go! Good for you. All subject matter sounds fascinating to me. I love that your stories all encompass the element of human nature despite that there may be horror or fantasy with their themes. I wish you lots of success! 😘     Leyla is treating us to an excerpt of her book, Existing Creatures, Living Dragons   CHAPTER 8 Laughing Dragons   Too much pain, for too long. Worse thing is, it’s for free for everyone. Even if John knew that he wasn’t alone feeling such, and that there were far worse tragedies in the world, the suffering wouldn’t disappear, and now, it became physical, as he could feel each inch of his body itching and then burning every time his skin would peel off, revealing his red flesh exposed to the air. He cried, putting his two hands on his face, realizing that there wasn’t any skin left there either. He screamed, nearly fainted, hoped he would never have to see his face in a mirror again. The pain was constant, and sometimes came in violent shots...

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Updates – Moving On and Best Friends

    Wow! It’s been so long since I posted a personal update here for you. I don’t know where the time has gotten to, but considering my last post a few weeks ago, talking about my brutal move and hearing Johnny Cash on the radio, and the post prior, talking about my moving in July and my BFF coming from the U.K., ya, well, that didn’t happen. But a few things have. And so I’ll fill you in.   My bestie from U.K. did not get here because our airports wouldn’t allow non-essential visitors without having to quarantine in a hotel at her own expense, for fourteen days. Heck, so many people can’t even afford to stay that long, so why would they want to spend it alone in quarantine? They only began allowing Canadian residents to come back home, in late June. And now it’s September 7th supposedly, where leisure air travelers will be welcome, as long as they’ve been double vaxxed and Covid tested prior to flight then no quarantine required.   Well this new time frame threw a wrench into my U.K. plans. And in the meantime, my friend Zan has sold her house again and will soon be moving to a rental home in a few weeks and she and her hubby will begin a new house project from scratch on the land they’ve purchased. So now, until she gets moved in and her and her hub take a private getaway for a week or so to Italy after their move, their first holiday since Covid struck, she will probably be here in late September. So it’s looking like some time in October I’ll be flying back with her to the U.K. It’s a tough wait, but probably better for time to pass as the summer crowds should be more tame, easier for traveling – maybe a jaunt to France, maybe to Italy, but definitely to Spain, and hopefully more time for the Covid to simmer down. Heck! I may even stay through Christmas, come back, and pack up for Mexico. All I know is I must get out of this constant space and spread my wings and breathe. I have no clue what I’m doing the rest of my life, but I sure as hell know I won’t find out by sitting on a couch with a computer. Nobody is going to come banging my door down with opportunity. I have to get back out into the world.   The last week of July, I took a little trip with my girlfriend Alison. We both needed to get out of our four walls, so we rented a hotel room up north here in cottage country for a few days. But, as it turned out, Zan’s sister lived twenty minutes from where we were staying and once Zan told her sister we were there, she swiftly invited us to stay with her instead. So, we stayed the one night at the hotel and off to Kokie’s beautiful home for almost a week! It was a slice of heaven to be in the fresh air and steal a few days at the beach when the usual rainy weather would let up. We had lots of fun yacking, Netflixing, walking, shopping vintage stores and playing Mexican Train Dominoes – a fun variation of Dominoes.   It was a lovely mini getaway and I look forward to Zan’s visit here so we can go back up to her sister’s house once she ever arrives here.   Coming back to my new abode felt a bit strange and back to reality. I am trying to establish somewhat of a new routine for myself without my husband and now, four months after his passing, everything still feels strange and out of sorts for me without a comforting familiarity.   And then something wonderful happened in the midst of my sadness and loneliness, I got a condolence message from my other BFF Bri. We had a falling out a few years back, and sadly, stubbornness had kept that distance hanging. I was elated to hear from her. She adored my husband, and I had wondered why I hadn’t heard from her, thinking she’d have heard the news, but she hadn’t. When she found out, she sent me a message. I replied, and the next thing I knew, we were gabbing on the phone for hours. A few days later, we met at my husband’s grave and spent a few hours together there sitting on the grass, filling each other in on our lives while apart. The day turned into night after picking up some food and killing a bottle of wine together on my balcony at home.   The reunion was just what my heart needed, and both of us said to each other that it was my husband who subtly found a way to inform her about his demise and he knew we had to get back together. We both felt that. The whole thing was divine intervention how it all came about, and the fact that I’m pretty much family-less now (a book for another time),  there is no comfort like a best friend who has been in my life for 37 years. She knows all the ghosts, good and bad, and understands my loss better than any family could ever imagine what I’m living.   God and the universe certainly do work in mysterious ways. Everything has its time and place. Yes, Zan never got here for my turbulent move, but had she come and the lockdowns coming and going, turns out, Canadians too are being made to quarantine right now still going to U.K. and I wouldn’t be interested in doing that either. Not to mention the new wave the U.K. has been experiencing much of July. Then there’s Zan’s sudden house sale and getting ready to move later this month. Suffice it to say, divine timing is looking much better for the fall than the summer. And in my deep and dark moments, waiting once again for this U.K. connection to happen, my husband and the angels were at work bringing me back together with Bri.   In the meantime, I am getting my feet deeper back into blogland. I do hope to get the mental energy up to get back to my MS I completed last fall and get that off to the editor by September. Lots of things up in the air, but definitely some good things to look forward to. I feel uplifted when I have something to look forward to, despite my loneliness and ache for my beloved husband that follows me wherever I may go, making plans and friendships are what keeps me out of ‘the dark’.   ©DGKaye2021      

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