D.G. Kaye's Blog, page 188

How Did I Write My Memoir?

Looking back on the journey of my book’s creation, Conflicted Hearts, I found myself going over the process from where I began.  As a first time, soon-to-be author, in the final stages getting ready for publication, I found that as the months went by in the ‘go go go mode’, that when I finally reached the final edited version is when I stood back and went ahh, wow, how did I get here?

I think the process for writing in memoir is different for each writer. We all devise our own system to organize best, the way we work. For me, it was a little bit of trial and error in the beginning of the organizational stages. As I worked feverishly through the writing stages by day, I spent long nights reading many books; not only for writing but for self publishing, marketing. I also learned that my computer had many more facets for me to master than I had ever realized. I spent some time trying to learn Scrivener which many writers use and recommend. I even read ‘Scrivener for Dummies’ but I couldn’t quite get a handle on it so I threw in the towel and I focused my efforts on learning ‘Word Styles’. Thanks to Joel Friedlander, www.thebookdesigner.com and his exceptionally helpful newsletter I subscribe to and my new best friend ‘google’, I successfully got my manuscript into Word using styles.

Writing my book, I’d have to say was more enjoyable than what comes after, ie: revisions, revisions and more revisions, marketing, keeping up with social media and learning a myriad of other programs and applications. Writing memoir for me became so cathartic. There is something about getting raw emotions out of your head and on to paper that evokes a sense of new-found freedom. Pent up emotions can have a propensity to consume one.

As I wrote, sure I had stopped many times along the way and questioned myself on how can I publish this book when I will be exposing so much of myself as well as others. Then I’d remember the many books I’d read along the way which all said, keep writing, don’t stop to second guess yourself, don’t edit along the way, write freely, write what you know, everything else will be saved for revisions. Those were the helpful things which kept my writing sane. One of the most helpful books I went back to many times which helped me organize my thoughts and writing on memoir was Linda Joy Myers’, Journey of Memoir. Another great book was William Zinsser’s , On Writing Well. I began to understand the difference between autobiography and memoir. Memoir is a theme in your life. They can be short essays, vignettes or really how one chooses to set it up but there is always a theme with intent to send out a message. Zinsser writes…Write vignettes of particular events and when you think you are done, put them all together and you will find your theme.

I had kept a journal for years, I’d often write about things that tugged at my heart strings or summations of events that took place in my life through the years. The funny part was that for all I wrote, I had never gone back and re-visited my writings. When I began going through my pages and re-read and began making some law and order out of them, it became to easy for me to fill in the gaps by following my memories from the pages I had already written. I had always prided myself on an excellent memory and ironically these past few years, my recent memory sometimes escapes me, such as what I ate for dinner yesterday, yet my long-term memory can clearly recall events in my life as far back as three years old…What’s up with that anyway? I also began to deal with the uncomfortable feelings I began having about actually publishing what I had written. As a person who always tried to avoid sharing her private life and hurting someone’s feelings, when my book’s theme presented itself to me, I began having anxiety about some of the people in the book who may not be particularly pleased to be in it. I tried to cut stuff and I did but some of the events were pertinent to my book’s theme that I couldn’t cut anymore. ‘Write what you know,’ I kept saying to myself as it became my mantra.

My theme became very apparent. I really didn’t know what it was until I got so involved with the writing and looking back on what I had already written. How I didn’t recognize it right off the bat was absurd, as I tried hard to deny it. All roads led to the emotional guilt I had lived with all my life. Whether I chose to recognize it or not, it was a fact. No matter what ventures I took in life; the ups and the downs, the guilt I carried from my mother, never seemed to escape me. I once had a conversation with a relative of mine when she discovered I was writing this book. There was no praise or well-wishes. Instead, I got questioned, ‘Who is this book about?’, she asked emphatically. ‘Your mother?’ I replied, ‘No, the book is about me, and yes, my mother plays a part in it because her actions affected much of my life.’ She acted as though I were writing in vengeance instead of trying to understand that I was writing to express where I had come from, how I came to be and what I had learned and how I dealt with life. I know people will always see things in a different light than perhaps the writer does, but memoir is the writer’s ‘truth’. Some see only what they want to see; some will never understand the lessons.

As memoir writers, it is our job to tell our truth. It is our point of view from how we lived and experienced our life. Sometimes it cannot be sugar-coated and the characters involved cannot be adorned for more than who they were. It is brutal and sometimes painful to write in memoir. I have learned this first hand. Many tears I had shed during the making of my book. I hope that my readers can gain some insight from it and realize how susceptible children really are to their environments in childhood and how absolutely a childhood is the beginning of the formation of his/her character.

Below, I’d like to pass on some really helpful books and sites that I found invaluable amongst many others:

Journey of Memoir – Three stages of Memoir Writing………………Linda Joy Myers

On Writing…………………………………………………………………………………..Stephen King

On Writing Well……………………………………………………………………………William Zinsser

Writing About Your Life……………………………………………………………….William Zinsser

Writing The Memoir – From Truth to Art……………………………………..Judith Barrington

Bird By Bird…………………………………………………………………………………..Anne Lamott

 

In the next two weeks, I will be posting a short excerpt from my upcoming book, Conflicted Hearts as an introductory prelude to its publication, feel free to click on my Conflicted Hearts page for a brief synopsis and after it is published there will be a link there where you will be able to purchase it at Amazon, both in e-book and print.

 

99 Top Forums/Blogs to Post Your Book FREE | Savvy Writers & e-Books online

This is a reblogg from Savvybookwriters.wordpress.com

 

I am sharing a great list of websites listed in the blog below which authors can go to promote their books. Enjoy!

99 Top Forums/Blogs to Post Your Book FREE | Savvy Writers & e-Books online.

Beauty of a Woman

Author Success—The Laws of Sowing & Reaping | Kristen Lamb’s Blog

Author Success—The Laws of Sowing & Reaping | Kristen Lamb’s Blog.

This is a reblog from Kirsten Lamb written beautifully on how ‘we grow’ our stories and bring them to fruition. Enjoy!

My Nomination for Blog of 2013, Thank You!

Thank you my dear blogger friend Taz at Transcendingbordersblog for the lovely nomination for 2013 BLOG of Year award. I am honoured that you thought of me. I wish to pass this lovely award along and share with some of my other fellow bloggers:

TheonethingIknowforsure

Littlewritingsblog

ReconstructingChristina

Think.Speak.Tryst.

Please accept this award and pass it on to those you deem worthy. Just copy the award and place it on your page and post with a link back to the blogger who nominated you and inform those whom you’ve nominated to do same.

 

 

Now I’m A Blank?

As many of you may already know, I have often run into many roadblocks with WordPress. Before I got my new site here, I encountered several problems with WordPress. One in particular was when fellow bloggers and readers were being re-directed to an invalid site with no posts, just my name, it was basically a non-existent page. Not so long ago, I also wrote a post here on how I became a ‘Purple Square’. Any time I was posting on other WordPress sites it wouldn’t show my gravatar or any info about me, just a purple square. That left not only the bloggers I posted to, unable to comment back to me, it left me unable to obtain any replies to my comments, most likely sent to cyber space. Please forgive me if you had not received any response from me . Thankfully my web designer Rose and Angel Productions found an angle around that issue and I now show up on your blog comments . It seems my WordPress problems still seem to come and go. There are days when I cannot bring up my reader or get it to open, definitely a pain. Thankfully I got it working again (yay) but when I went through my reader to view blogs I noticed that once again, WordPress had shunned me. I suppose they take it personal when someone abandons their control. I noticed as I was scanning through the blogs, my blogs. Only they weren’t nicely highlighted titles with the website name, no pictures and no comment or ‘like’ option to click on . There was only a white background with black type. At least there was a title but the blogs were blah in comparison to the sea of other beautiful looking posts. So my friends, if you happen to be scanning the reader and happen to come across one of these ‘lonely looking’ blog posts, there is a good chance it’s one of mine. Please don’t be afraid to click and say hello.

I’d love to know if any of you who aren’t on a WordPress site has encountered any of these weird occurrences?

Beautiful Rain

Author/Artist Unknown

 

It was a busy  Morning, about 8:30, when an elderly

Gentleman in his 80′s arrived to have  Stitches removed from his thumb.
He said he was in a hurry as he had an  Appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital  Signs and had him take a seat,
Knowing it would be over an hour
Before someone  Would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and
Decided, since I  Was not busy with another patient,
I would evaluate his wound.
On exam, it was  Well healed, so I talked to one of the
Doctors, got the needed supplies to  Remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of  His wound, I asked him if he
Had another doctor’s appointment
This morning, as  He was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he
Needed to go to  The nursing home to eat breakfast
With his wife. I inquired as to her  Health.  He told me that she had been there  For a while and that she
Was a victim of Alzheimer’s Disease.

As we  Talked, I asked if she would be
Upset if he was a bit late. 

He  Replied that she no longer knew
Who he was, that she had not
Recognized him in  Five years now. I was surprised, and asked him,
‘And you still go every  Morning, even though she
Doesn’t know who you are?’ 

He smiled as he  Patted my hand and said,

‘She doesn’t  Know me, but I still know who she is.’     had to hold back  Tears as he left, I had goose bumps
On my arm, and thought,

‘That is  The kind of love I want in my life.’

True love is  Neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an  Acceptance of all that is,

Has been, will be, and will not  Be.

With all the jokes  And fun that are in e-mails,
Sometimes there is one that comes
Along that has an  Important message..
This one I thought I could share with you.

The  Happiest people don’t necessarily
Have the best of everything;
They just make   The best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you  Care about. I just did.. ‘Life isn’t about  How to survive the storm, But how to dance
In the rain.’

This is just a beautiful story about love and the human spirit. I cannot take credit for it and the author of it is unknown to me, I surely would have loved to accredited the author. As it written, it is truly a testament to the human spirit and the bond of love.

The Necessary Evils of Self-Promotion | The Daily Dahlia

This is a reblogg from The Daily Dahlia.

 

I came across this blog awhile ago and I thought it would be a great share for those of you who are entering the new world of self publishing. The post entails lots of good info on ideas for promoting and marketing your book and the dos and don’ts of social media.

The Necessary Evils of Self-Promotion | The Daily Dahlia.

Leaving Las Vegas

 

It is always nice to go on vacation and always good to come home. In case some of you hadn’t noticed, it has been kind of quiet here on my site and my social media this week while I was on vacay. I took a little break just before getting things ready to publish my book, Conflicted Hearts, with my galpal, Cindy. We jaunted off to Vegas for four days.  The two redheads went to paint the town ‘red’ and shop ’til we drop, and we did just that.

Our venture began very early Tuesday morning to catch our flight. The usually quite comfortable WestJet seats had somehow became like sitting in a sardine can. This was an unpleasant and uncomfortable surprise to me, being that I had just flown WestJet only a few months ago and many times before and I always applauded them for being a comfortable flight.  Cindy nor I are big people and we both have short legs and trying to cross them was a feat in itself.  We couldn’t even slide into our seats without pivoting around on one leg to plop into our seat. The unusually extra long flight (due to no tail winds) only fuelled my claustrophobia as we both complained to one other most of the way there, as though it was going to change anything……not, but it felt better if we could bitch about it. We did laugh though and reminisced about the days when travelling was fun. In those days past, they didn’t fit as many seats as they could on the plane so humans actually had leg room (we pitied those who were taller than us…..that would be anyone taller than five foot three), food was real and included in the price, drinks were free, there was more than one washroom on each end and you didn’t have to undress publicly to get through security and get a dose of radiation in the process. I beefed about tossing your water at security so you can re-purchase more only feet away from security for just four dollars more.

Yes, we were flying to sunny Las Vegas where the temps had been rising to close to 80 degrees daily….until we got there, it was around 50 degrees. As we shivered getting into the limo we looked on the bright side and decided it was still warmer than where we were coming from, leaving our early winter behind.

Gambling was not a friend to me as I donated to the casinos and pointed to a chandelier to Cindy and told her it was mine because I thought I had helped pay for it. We ate at some fine restaurants and put a lot of miles on our feet, which never seemed to stop hurting no matter how many shoes we brought or bought. But that didn’t deter us from spending almost a whole day at the mall, walking, shopping and carrying the many bags that crooked our necks and shoulders. Sometimes a girl has to sacrifice to get some power shopping done.

Sleeping had become a lost luxury as we hit the sheets long after midnight and found ourselves waking at 5am, lucky if it was 7am. Neither of us are drinkers but I decided one night at dinner that we should have a martini…..just because. They were so yummy that we had another. I will only say that these were VEGAS SIZED drinks.

As we happily jaunted over to the casino after our late dinner, I decided that I should have just one more martini. I felt fine….real fine. A few hours later, after my nightly donation to the slot machines, I decided to call it a night and left Cindy, who never seemed to have a problem lasting hours on twenty dollars at a machine, where my twenties lasted about three minutes. I walked the long, what seemed like half mile walk back to our room, seemingly fine and glad I was numb to the pain in my high heeled feet. I got into the room….and suddenly it hit me. Boom! The room started spinning and I instantly passed out flat, half on Cindy’s bed and the rest of me hanging off the chaise at the end of the bed. This scene was not unlike a Roadrunner cartoon when something hits him and he lays flattened. When Cindy finally came up and saw me posed, sprawled out like a rag doll, fully clothed, she got concerned. She shook me and I raised my head in a spinning stupor and somehow managed to make a run for the porcelain. It was a rough night for me and an even rougher, next, long day. That was the beginning and end of my drinking binge. Yup, three drinks and I was down for the count. Note to myself……I am not twenty-five anymore. Well we laughed a lot about it after and I was grateful she didn’t have her ever trusty camera on hand to catch that Kodak moment.

Alas, our time in Vegas was coming to an end. It was time to pack and get creative about fitting our new purchases in our bags and not being overweight in luggage fees. Happily I got my bag weighed in at only one pound under the fifty pound allowance…….yes, I know it was only four days!

It was time to wheel our luggage, bags and purses through the long, long corridor to the elevators then through the half mile long casino to the front lobby to our awaiting limo to go to the airport to catch our delayed flight back to Toronto. It was beautiful weather, hot in the mid seventies. Of course it was, we were leaving.

We got on the plane finally and found that there was no cabin space for my overstuffed heavy carryon bag.  When I spotted an available spot two rows down from us I tried with all my might to lift that bag in the air into that cabin to no avail. Finally a kind man in row 8 (who I later named him Row 8), offered assistance and got it up for me.  After Cindy and I sat down in our tiny crawlspace and I turned back to the helpful man and said, “Hi man in row 8, would you please be kind enough to get my bag back down when we land?” He kindly offered to do so and Cindy and I laughed and reminisced over the days we just spent together and some of the characters we met along the way, then we happily ate our left over dinners from Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant the night before.

Cindy and I share the same passion for Vegas.  We have both been there many, many times and we often reminisce together about ‘the old’ days of Vegas, when Vegas was Vegas.  As we took off in flight and rose over the beautiful Sierra mountains and the Grand Canyon, we chatted about the next time we will be back there. When we landed “Man in Row 8″ kindly took my bag down and handed it to me.  As we walked on the long, long walk to customs with our bags in tow we approached the escalator down which was broken. With my purse weighing at least twenty pounds and my carryon not far from thirty-five pounds, I could barely make it down the escalator when lo and behold behind me approached, Man in Row 8. He once again kindly offered to tote my bag down the non functioning escalator. As we sailed through customs and got our bags we were on our way back home. Note to myself…..Upgrade seats to Florida for winter vacation!

Ashes – Ode to my father

 

 

He comes to me through scent of smoke,

with hurried beats, my heart evokes.

Though decades past, time is still,

the missing years, my heart does fill.

Memories and laughter pass through my mind,

Unsettled pasts, yet still I find,

Remembered moments which touch my heart,

Your scent of smoke reminds, we’re not far apart.

To you I gave concern, love and care,

Subtle reminders comfort, you are everywhere.