D.G. Kaye's Blog, page 52
May 22, 2021
Writer’s Tips and a Personal Note – #Amazon, #Canva, #Audible, #PDF Converter, and #Blogging Tips
Well, a day late, but I’m getting my Friday post up today on Saturday. My life is very crazy right now, so my posts throughout the coming weeks and month will be erratic. Besides the grieving journey I’m on now for my husband, I am also moving! Yes, that is a story in itself, but suffice it to say, I’m moving to a smaller condo in the same complex, and that involves cleaning out ‘our’ life and getting rid of so many things in order to final downsize. Besides the physical gruel of this mission, don’t get me started on the emotional gruel it takes to look at every single thing we’ve owned and shared together. But that will be a post for another day. In the meantime . . . I’ve been curating and keeping some great help articles for writers and bloggers, and there are some goodies in this edition – new Kindle Vella for serial publishing, creating animated logos in Canva, #Audiblegate and more! Nicholas Rossis has some amazing news for authors with Amazon’s new short writing program – Kindle Vella Hello, Kindle Vella At the blog of Anne R. Allen – Three things you should know to make your query letters stand out Three Things Your Query Letter Needs to Stand Out Deborah Jay shares some great information on making sure authors are using all the tools available in our Author Central accounts Are you making the most of your Amazon Author Central account? #EditorialReviews Also by Deborah Jay – Have you heard about the madness going on with Audible? #Audiblegate #Audiblegate and why it’s important to all authors Nicholas Rossis shares a new PDF Converter Tool – The Tool Rocket ToolRocket: a Free PDF Converter Blogging Guru, Hugh Roberts with another blogging tip lesson – How to reblog correctly How To Reblog A Blog Post Correctly On WordPress And Natalie Ducey with another informative tutorial on How to Create Animanted Logos FREE in Canva How to Create an Animated Logo for Free in Canva! These should keep us all busy for awhile. Don’t forget to save these articles, no doubts we’ll want to come back and reference them! ©DGKaye2021
Published on May 22, 2021 07:55
May 18, 2021
Kindness, Tears and Loving Beyond – #Grief and Loss
Unexpected kindness is the small things, ordinary things someone kind may do in passing, like when someone sends us a card to let us know they’re thinking of us as a lovely gesture, often without them realizing how a simple gesture can mean so much and can bring a smile – or a tear. I’ve received some lovely cards – both physical and ecards, as well as many messages, and it is comforting and humbling to know that people hold us in their thoughts. Yes, I do realize I keep saying ‘us’, as old habits die hard. I remember reading in quite a few books, how grievers tend to speak about their lost loved one in the present tense, as though they are still here. I am guilty of this as in my heart my beloved is still here with me. I don’t know that I shall ever use the past tense for my husband. This journey of grief is certainly not for the faint-hearted. The ripples and waves, and sometimes tsunamis of grief roll through randomly and unexpectedly 24/7. Tears splash so easily – a thought, a memory, a condolence, a photo, loneliness, even opening the fridge door and catching a glimpse of his favorite foods will set off a new stream of waterworks. The smiles aren’t as plentiful as it literally hurts my heart to smile sometimes. The tears are a constant release of pain that ooze out through the eyes, somewhat allowing the heart a tiny bit more of breathing room – until the pool refills itself, something that stuns me, the abundance of tears that never cease to replenish. The only comfort for me in this time is being able to talk about my husband and all the good and funny things about him. But these talks only satisfy me if they are with someone who knew him well, because they could appreciate the moments with me. And then there is music, but most days I find songs too painful to listen to so I’ll resort to mindless TV. It’s barely been six weeks since I laid my husband to rest in the double-decker grave I bought for us, yet, the pain in my heart feels like it’s been trodden over for years. Every new day brings with it yesterday’s sorrow within. I miss my husband terribly and I can’t help but wonder if it will ever get easier. But one thing I know for sure, I will always love him from the core of my being, and not time or anyone can take that away from me. I’ve been humming a song in the back of my mind lately. It’s a passionate song about loving someone forever, and it’s a beautiful Italian song that I always loved, only now, it’s taken on so much more meaning. Al Di La means ‘Next Life’ or ‘Above and Beyond’, I will love you beyond the beyond. This song was made famous from the 1962 movie – Roman Adventure starring Suzanne Pleshette and Troy Donahue. Take a listen. And if you would like a direct translation of the lyrics, you can find them here. ©DGKaye2021
Published on May 18, 2021 10:24
May 15, 2021
Sunday Book Review Topically Challenged Volume 1 Flash Fiction Anthology – New Book, Proceeds to Charity
Today I’m sharing a book that I totally forgot I’d submitted to be part of in this wonderful anthology – Topically Challenged. In this book 100 writers submitted entries of short stories and flash fiction containing 100 stories on news-themed stories. Authors who submitted their work to – “Alice’s ‘Trump This’ News Writing Challenge”. After reading the intro to how this book came about, in both, A.H. Creed’s and Chris Fielden’s introduction to the book, he states that the topic came about as a play on words by Creed, so to speak, as the former president seemed to be hogging the news headlines for a few years, hence, the title of the challenge. Now this isn’t to say that all the stories reflected around Trump, but of course, quite a few stories were based on some of the headlines he was making. My story included. Visit Chris Fielden’s announcement post for this book. Chris invites writers to many writing challenges, and many are made into anthologies. All profits from this book go to the UK’s largest reading charity – BookTrust. The book was officially launched on Saturday 3rd April 2021. Profits from this book go to BookTrust, the UK’s largest children’s reading charity. Blurb: Topically Challenged Volume 1 contains 100 news-themed stories from 100 authors who submitted their work to Alice’s ‘Trump This’ News Writing Challenge on Chris Fielden’s website. They are: A.H. Creed, A S Winter, Alan Barker, Alan Pattison, Allan Tweddle, Allen Ashley, Amanda Garzia, Andrea Goyan, Andrew Ball, Andrew Carter, Andrew Stiggers, Antonio Salituro, Ashutosh Pant, Barbara Hull, Benjamin Noel, Betty Hattersley, Brian Mackinney, Bridget Scrannage, Cathy Cade, Chris Espenshade, Chris Green, Chris Lee, Christopher Fielden, Clare Tivey, D.G. Kaye, David McTigue, David Rosenblum, David Silver, Debbie Singh, Dee La Vardera, Derek McMillan, Dora Bona, Dr Betty, Duane L. Herrmann, E. F. S. Byrne, Edmund Piper, Francesca Pappadogiannis, Frank Havemann, Gail Everett, Gary McGrath, Gavin Biddlecombe, Geja Hadderingh, Glen Donaldson, Guy Monson, Hajra Saeed, Hullabaloo22, Jack Caldwell-Nichols, Jacob Weller, James Goodman, James Louis Peel, John Gisby, John Holmes, John Notley, Jon Drake, Jon Spencer, Josie Gowler, K. J. Watson, Kelly Van Nelson, Ken Frape, Kenneth Muir, Klaus Gehling, Kwame M.A. McPherson, Len Saculla, Lesley Anne Truchet, Leslie Roberts, Louise Burgess, Lucy Morrice, Lynne Chitty, Madeleine Fox, Maggie Elliott, Majella Pinto, Malcolm Richardson, Mark J Towers, Matilda Pinto, Meghan O’Brien, Mehak Vijay Chawla, Michael Rumsey, Mike Scott Thomson, Nam Raj Khatri, Paul Mastaglio, Peggy Gerber, Pete Armstrong, Peter J. Corbally, Raymond E. Strawn III, Sam Nichols, Sandra Orellana, Sarah Charmley, Sarah Mosedale, Simon Williams, Stacey George, Stephen P. Thompson, Steven Barrett, Teresia Nicolas, Tiffany H White, Tony Thatcher, Vaki Kokkinaki, Valerie Fish, W R Daniel, Yvonne Mallett and Yvonne Mastaglio. The news writing challenge was created to raise awareness of the importance of a story’s theme, support authors and raise money for charity. Every story submitted to the challenge is published, so writers can gain the experience of having their work edited and then see their stories distributed in print and eBook formats all over the planet. Profits generated by sales of this book are donated to BookTrust, the UK’s largest children’s reading charity. They transform lives by getting children and families reading. Please help us raise money for this worthy cause and spread the joy of topical stories around the world – buy this book 🙂 You will find many writing challenges, all run in support of charities, on Chris’s website in the ‘challenges’ section. My 5 Star Review: I am one of the authors who contributed to this writing challenge that ultimately, became a book, an anthology of stories told in flash fiction or micro short story fashion. The writers were asked to compose a fictional story based on a headline that grabbed us. The topic of the anthology writing challenge was titled: Alice’s ‘Trump This’ News Writing Challenge. The idea was to choose a headline from the news that ‘spoke to us’ and write a short fictional story that would coincide with the title of the news article. In this book there are 100 creative and entertaining stories on a multitude of topics that touched writers in various ways. Many stories stemmed from politics – mainly US and UK related. Topics talked about cover a myriad of social issues from politics, medical system, animal rights, environmental issues, bullying, transgender issues, to racism and more. Every story is told in each author’s choice of style whether in sarcasm, satire, cynism, even humor. And like Felden mentions in his intro this book, “If a theme resonates with a reader, it can help them remember a story long after they’ve finished it”. Just to share a few of the many stories that resonated with me: Why Do My Nipples Hurt? Written by Chris Espenshade, cracked me right up. The headline he chose was inspired by Trump’s comment after the hate crime spree in a Pittsburgh synagogue – comedic sarcasm. End by Allen Ashley. – Inspired by ‘the end of austerity’ on the BBC 2018 budget – government cynicism. For Whose God and Which Country by Kwame MA McPherson – Inspired by the headline of Trump abandoning his umbrella, (MSNBC), while stepping on to Airforce 1 – fictional nonfiction. You’re Fired by Dr. Betty. Inspired by the false alarm, missile threat alert in Hawaii, headlined on CNN – chilling ending! Thoughts and Prayers by David Rosenblum – they do nothing. Red Card by Jon Spencer – another chilling ending as Russia takes over the world. Droning On by Len Sucalla – Inspired by the story of a drone hitting Gatwick airport. Roald Dahl Whose Verses Were Censored by Gail Everett – Inspired by Aldi stores in Australia removing ‘revolting rhymes’. Truth Uncovered by James Louis Peel – Inspired by Trump attacking his own CDC on how to reopen schools – hilarious satire written in sci-fi style, taking place in the year 2892. The Fruit-Full Argument by A.S. Winter – Inspired by Apple’s fight with someone’s choice to use a pear as their logo. Disney Self Identity vs. Labels by Raymond E. Strawn – Inspired by controversy over Disney choosing a new ‘black’ Ariel. And last, but far from least, my own spin at a flash fiction that raises a question – What Do We Tell The Children? – Inspired by ‘The Children at Trump Rallies’ headline by Damon Winter, New York Times – #ChildAwareness and A parent’s dilemma. For those of you who enjoy short stories and flashfiction that leaves a mark, I invite you to grab yourselves a copy of this entertaining book, and if you enjoy it, please don’t forget to leave a review. Also, all proceeds go to children’s reading charity, ©DGKaye2021
Published on May 15, 2021 22:00
May 14, 2021
#BookReview: P S I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy by D G Kaye @pokercubster | Welcome to Harmony Kent Online
I came across a new review for my book, P.S. I Forgive You, from the talented author Harmony Kent, found on her blog. I need not tell any other author here how uplifting it is to come by a lovely surprise when someone takes the time to read our work, write a review and share it on their own blog. A truly wonderful community we all are and once again, I’m stoked that my book touched another person. #BookReview: P S I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy by D G Kaye @pokercubster HARMONY KENT POSTED ON 6TH MAY 2021 POSTED IN REVIEW 32 COMMENTS TAGGED WITH , AMAZON KINDLEBOOK REVIEWD G KAYEFIVE STARSGOODREADSHARMONY KENTKINDLENON FICTIONREVIEWSURVIVING ABUSE Hi everyone. Good news: my long awaited chest x-Ray shows my lungs are clear! Yay! 😁🎉. The issues seem to be down to an overactive immune system, which the new tablets are helping with, plus all the inhalers, lols. I appreciate all of your well wishes and support over these many months. I owe an apology for not being around online much this last week or so. My first COVID vaccine has hit me hard and left me tired and with headaches. I’m well on the mend, though, and glad I’ve had the first dose. Today, I have a book review for an author I’ve known and admired for a long time, Debby Kaye. Her honesty and bravery shine through in this book of non-fiction, and I feel it’s one everybody should read >>> About the Book: Confronted with resurfacing feelings of guilt, D.G. Kaye is tormented by her decision to remain estranged from her dying emotionally abusive mother after resolving to banish her years ago, an event she has shared in her book Conflicted Hearts. In P.S. I Forgive You, Kaye takes us on a compelling heartfelt journey as she seeks to understand the roots of her mother’s narcissism, let go of past hurts, and find forgiveness for both her mother and herself. After struggling for decades to break free, Kaye has severed the unhealthy ties that bound her to her dominating mother—but now Kaye battles new confliction, as the guilt she harbors over her decision only increases as the end of her mother’s life draws near. Kaye once again struggles with her conscience and her feelings of being obligated to return to a painful past she thought she left behind. My Review: As soon as I saw what this book was about, I had to read it, and I am so pleased I did. Because of the difficult subject matter, and my own history, I had to take a deep breath before I plunged in. Not only has this writer’s honesty and bravery helped me to understand my parents a little better, it has also shown me precisely what my sister has become. I’d missed that, and this explains so very much. It is a sad fact of life that, all too often, the victim becomes the perpertrator, unless we have the insight and strength to do something about it. I have long joked that I’m the reverse ‘black sheep’ of my family, and it seems to me that Debby is too. For all our successes, and the miracle of growing into well-adjusted adults in spite of it all, we will never be accepted by a parent who demands that we live their lies, manipulations, and abuses. The same with any sibling who demands the same. Some lines that resonated with me in particular: ‘A narcissistic mother doesn’t have to be in one’s presence. She can still demand and demean no matter how far away.’ and ‘It is my decision to banish my mother from my life and a resolution to find peace within myself with my decision.’ and ‘[…] if we’re lucky enough to realize the bad, we have the opportunity to steer ourselves in a better direction.’ For a while now, I have struggled to think of what I will do when one or the other of my parents dies. I’m not even sure they would let me know, at this stage. And reading this honest and brave account from D G Kaye has helped me immensely. It has also helped to explain the till-now inexplicable behaviour of my twin sister. She has grown up with emotional neglect, as did I, and has now become a narcissist. This book has helped me to identify why she lives and behaves the way she does. From my own life, I know how hard it is to go against the grain to become your own person despite your upbringing. It takes work, day by day, to resist some of those unhealthy habits instilled in us as children and to trust our judgements and motives. It takes courage to not give in to the insidious lack of self-esteem with which such adults are often left. The author has overcome much, and I admire her deeply both for her acheivements and for putting her journey into words so that others of us can also be helped. PS I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy gets a solid and resounding 5 stars from me. A difficult read, but a book everybody should read. *** NOTE ON RATINGS: I consider a 3-star rating a positive review. Picky about which books I give 5 stars to, I reserve this highest rating for the stories I find stunning and which moved me. 5 STARS: IT WAS AMAZING! I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN! — Highly Recommended. 4 STARS: I WOULD PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER — Go read this book. 3 STARS: IT WAS GOOD! — An okay read. Didn’t love it. Didn’t hate it. 2 STARS: I MAY HAVE LIKED A FEW THINGS —Lacking in some areas: writing, characterisation, and/or problematic plot lines. 1 STAR: NOT MY CUP OF TEA —Lots of issues with this book. I’d love to hear what you think of this review. Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Original Source: #BookReview: P S I Love You: A Broken Legacy by D G Kaye @pokercubster | Welcome to Harmony Kent Online ©DGKaye2021
Published on May 14, 2021 19:43
May 11, 2021
What’s my Rage? Why? #Guilt, #Grieving and #Loss – #Birthday #Coronavirus and the ‘System’
Rage crying and guilt. It’s a thing. And it’s real for me. Like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross states in her book, On Grief and Grieving, there are five stages of grief and you may not feel them in order, but surely everyone will experience them all. Well, I’m still in big time denial, a.k.a., shock, and that doesn’t mean I don’t believe my husband is alive, literally, only that numbness and other defense mechanisms set in and help to play games with my mind to sort of attempt to ‘take the edge off’ the heaviness by playing the ‘pretending game’. Like when I actually get busy doing something, I pretend George is sleeping in the bedroom. But of course, that only lasts so long. The five stages of grief are certainly not in same order for me. My denial stage is the shock not worn off. Depression is my inner rage. Bargaining is useless, as it’s much too late for that, so I’ve switched that one up to guilt, because guilt is part of the heaviness I carry within. And as for acceptance, it’s so far off I can’t even visualize it. Why didn’t I know? Why didn’t I know! I’m beating myself up at why my husband couldn’t be saved before he became terminal. I’ve always looked after him. Every little symptom I’d report to the doctors. Covid made everything harder and worse. I can’t stop replaying the summer before he died. He’d complain and question why he’s so tired. What did I know? He was aging, he had ‘other’ issues, we were locked down for Covid, no real living, and no more getting to actually see a doctor! Tele-health calls were scant, but my husband had so much bloodwork done in the last year of his life, how did nobody catch anything? Labs should tell a story. Everyone was so busy taking care of his other issues that the possibility of cancer was totally over-looked. Bloodwork weekly, low sodium levels, chronic indigestion and sleeping in half the day. I worried all the time. I spoke with doctors as much as I could get hold of them. Was nobody as curious as me? Did anyone consider something worse? Why did it take til February of this year to put him through the ringer of all tests til the grim discovery would show? He was so bloody tired! These questions haunt me and squeeze my heart with grief when I start screaming out the whys. Yes, if my love could have saved him, he would have lived forever. Covid has shut down most of the world and the ironic part about it is that thousands more die because they can’t get a surgery booked or even see their doctors in the live. Labs are helpful – somewhat, but there’s nothing like being looked at by a doctor, to look in the eyes, skin, listen to hearbeats and breathing. I’ve been told that my questions are all part of the grieving process, despite me feeling they are all valid questions. I’m living with guilt that I didn’t do enough for my husband. I didn’t scream out to doctors, my whys. People were dying from Covid and our doctor’s hands were tied with rules and regulations with lockdowns and cooties. Doctors not seeing patients, hospitals not allowing scheduled surgeries. Who was I to fight the system? This system has killed so many others who couldn’t and can’t see a doctor unless they were taken to emergency and admitted through the system. No. Right now I am far from acceptance. Nothing can bring my husband back, and yet, the guilt engulfs me; like crying over spilled milk, I know it will get me nowhere except into a darker abyss by dwelling on the whys, yet, I can’t stop asking. Yesterday was my husband’s birthday, only weeks after he passed. I had extra anxiety all weekend. I decided I’d be able to handle the day better if I went to visit his grave. I struggled with it being too soon to go there, but feeling worse if I stayed home and grieved the day all day at home. I went to visit his grave, although I somehow feel closer to him here at home. They hadn’t even finished shoveling more dirt and laying the grass over where he was buried. Remnants of the funeral flowers and ribbons lay scattered over his grave. I threw in a few of my personal stones – rose quartz for love, along with some others, and I placed the stick of the little balloon with the cub on it that says “I love you” in the ground. It was attached to the little puppy love who sleeps with me on his pillow. Puppy love didn’t need to hold on to that balloon anymore because he has me beside him, so I thought Cub balloon would do better keeping him company at his gravesite. ~ ~ ~ Note: I recently wrote a post about the state of craziness here in Toronto with vaccine output. I am happy to report that in the past week, our province has got their act together and currently 50%, almost 1.5 million adults, have had their first Covid shot in my city, despite the detrimental number of cases still occurring daily for weeks now, approximately 3000 new cases daily. And one very special nurse who promised they’d save me an Astra Zeneca shot invited me to come have it on this past Friday. I feel blessed that all my networking has paid off and whenever my city decides to ever open up again, I’ll feel a lot more secure about entering the fray – not to mention, be able fly again as soon as flights open up here, and the UK will put Canada back on the ‘approved’ to visit list. ©DGKaye2021
Published on May 11, 2021 02:07
May 8, 2021
Sunday Book Review – No Happy Endings by Nora McInerny – #Grief and Loss
Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. As I’ve explained before in other reviews for books I’m currently on a tangent with reading during my time of grief. Before and after losing my own husband, I couldn’t concentrate on reading any books as my mind was preoccupied with my husband’s welfare, then ultimately, his passing. But I have found that I can easily read books on grieving, and stories about life after death, in the literal sense, and as a grieving widow. Such books give me a bit of comfort right now in my life, books that equate with what is currently going on inside me, questions swirling around, the need for a kinship with those who’ve walked in the shoes before me in this journey, and a sense of ‘fitting in’ somewhere new. Nora McInerny’s story is a powerful one. In this book she teaches us through her own lessons about deep love and loss, how she endured, and how she found new love unexpectedly, and the guilt she felt for loving another man while she was still in love with her first husband. Now, I’m so veryyyyyyyyyyyy far away from even thinking about a ‘Chapter 2’, as Nora calls it. And I was drawn to this book after watching a Ted Talk with Nora as she briefly discussed her journey of loss, and despite the sadness of her whole situation, her ability to punctuate some of her story with humor in her easy conversational style of telling, compelled me to read further on about this woman. You can expect more reviews in coming weeks of books I feel make a difference in the life of someone who is grieving, so I hope you can all take something from my reviews whether you’ve been ‘in the shoes’ or not, because inevitably, we will all be walking the walk at some point in our lives. Blurb: The author of It’s Okay to Laugh and host of the popular podcast Terrible, Thanks for Asking—interviews that are “a gift to be able to listen [to]” (New York Times)—returns with more hilarious meditations on her messy, wonderful, bittersweet, and unconventional life. Life has a million different ways to kick you right in the chops. We lose love, lose jobs, lose our sense of self. For Nora McInerny, it was losing her husband, her father, and her unborn second child in one catastrophic year. But in the wake of loss, we get to assemble something new from whatever is left behind. Some circles call finding happiness after loss “Chapter 2”—the continuation of something else. Today, Nora is remarried and mothers four children aged 16 months to 16 years. While her new circumstances bring her extraordinary joy, they are also tinged with sadness over the loved ones she’s lost. Life has made Nora a reluctant expert in hard conversations. On her wildly popular podcast, she talks about painful experiences we inevitably face, and exposes the absurdity of the question “how are you?” that people often ask when we’re coping with the aftermath of emotional catastrophe. She knows intimately that when your life falls apart, there’s a mad rush to be okay—to find a silver lining, to get to the happy ending. In this, her second memoir, Nora offers a tragicomic exploration of the tension between finding happiness and holding space for the unhappy experiences that have shaped us. No Happy Endings is a book for people living life after life has fallen apart. It’s a book for people who know that they’re moving forward, not moving on. It’s a book for people who know life isn’t always happy, but it isn’t the end: there will be unimaginable joy and incomprehensible tragedy. As Nora reminds us, there will be no happy endings—but there will be new beginnings. My 5 Star Review: Nora McInerny helps to welcome those of us new to widowhood with a delivery of micro dosing of humor threaded in where warranted to ease in some comedic relief to soften the heartache we will engulf within when reading Nora’s story. This author explains to us within her own personal stories, how everything we do in life, leads us to the next something. She shares her life openly and the tragic woe she lived through in a short timeframe of losing her unborn child, her father, and her beloved husband Aaron within the span of a few short months. As she states, “You don’t stop loving your first love, you keep it and take it with you.” She explains that everything that came ‘after’ in her life was built on the life she had before; she refers to her life after losing her first husband as – Chapter 2. This book is a memoir told in conversational style of the author’s most raw and poignant moments of love, loss, enduring, and even how her life moved forward – not on, almost without her realizing as all the new parts in her new widowed life fell and found new life. Ahh, but new life doesn’t mean she forgot about her old life, or that the searing pain of missing her first husband ever went away, but how she managed to tuck that life into a sacred place and allowed it to become part of her new life. She freely expresses her thoughts, fears, doubts, and longings as she grieved the loss of Aaron, some of which might have some scratching their heads to her open admissions about physical longings and needs being met, not because she wanted another relationship, not to get over her love for Aaron, but to remember what it felt like to be touched and desired, before she realized that human emotions do have an affect on her limitations and that her momentary needs were just that, moments of longing to feel human touch. She’ll continue on sharing her apologies for her spontaneous desire, sharing her not realizing how the one she chose for pleasure only began to entangle the emotions of that partner, and her realization about how wrong that was to allow someone into her bubble of grief for her own satisfaction, and her self-reckoning with how that person was hurt. After Nora meets Matthew, her deep, intense telling of how that relationship even came to be, she makes us understand the gift she was given at her ‘second chance with love’, all the while making us understand that despite her second time round, everything she did and was came from her deep love for her first love, Aaron. Nora shares how she struggled to be in her new relationship because of guilt and shame she felt for holding love in her heart for Aaron while having ‘new’ love for someone else. Nora continues on about the relationship with Matthew and talks about the places she could no longer go to with anyone that were now sacred to her and Aaron, but shows us the way on how she made new places to go in her new life. Best Relatable Quotes: Most poignant line for me: “I wasn’t a caregiver, I was a wife living my vows.” “Aaron died at age thirty-five and that will always be tragic and it will always make me sad. But our love and his death are not a burden to the person who loves me next. Aaron’s love and Aaron’s death are my foundation.” “The first year of widowhood is a year of firsts: 365 days where you can say, ‘last year, we were . . .” On religion: ” What does God have to do with this? I wanted to shout at every person who tweeted their #thoughtsandprayers to me while Aaron’s body wasted next to me. What does a prayer do? What kind of God is listening, but not doing anything?” “God to me is just people.” (Referring to the people who helped her find her way.) “Even if you’re surrounded by people you love, figuring out grief is a solo project.” Nora to her therapist: “This is what I’ve felt like all these months, like I’m groping about in the darkness, waking up in a world I hadn’t expected to occupy. But there is no way through it, except through it.” On being unafraid to give her heart again: “You cannot bubble wrap and protect your heart from life, and why should you? It is meant to be used, and sometimes broken. Use it up, wear it out, leave nothing left undone or unsaid to the people you love. Let it get banged up and busted if it needs to. That’s what your heart is there for.” Hemingway Quote: “.. the world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are stronger in the broken places.” Nora shares with us that her grief for the loss of Aaron remains, despite the new love she has with Matthew, because true love will never die just because the body has. ©DGKaye2021
Published on May 08, 2021 22:00
May 4, 2021
Time for a #Rant – #Covid #Vaccines in Canada the Disorderly
I haven’t been back writing much lately, due to my husband’s recent passing. But that doesn’t mean through my grief that outside influences haven’t been getting my goat, like the way our province of Ontario has become a big joke for the incompetence of our government on the handling of containment and the sorrowful lack of vaccines, and the system of no law and order when it comes to how they are rolling out vaccines at random. When I got my first vaccine in early March, my doctor’s office managed to get me into a local pharmacy that had openings, but not for my lack of trying, I could never get through the line to book, it’s much easier for a doctor’s office to connect. The pharmacist who gave me the jab had told me there is no return date booked for my second vax, but it will be four to 12 weeks. Well, no return date, and our province has decided four months will suffice. Why? When the directives are 4 to 12 weeks by the pharmaceutical suggested dosing, and we don’t have enough vacccine around, Health Canada ‘decided’ four months is sufficient. Do we even have any data of efficacy for that long of a wait gap? Our province did not begin vaccines with a plan of law and order. In fact, front line workers are only RECENTLY being called on for their turn. I guess they forgot that all the people who work in factories who go to work and bring home the Covid to their families are creating wild hotspots within our city and contributing to the 3000 plus daily cases daily we’re still getting. This is a fire that can’t be extinguished because our borders are a joke, as is our government, and vaccines are being sent to us willy nilly. The general public is lost and speaking out about the joke of a system where they have to look for popup places, often getting shutout because if you didn’t stand in line from the wee hours of the night waiting for them to open, you more than likely lose out. We’re like a bloody third-world country here! Gratefully, while I was watching the Canadian news the other night, the media announced that @VaxHuntersCan, has taken it upon themselves to establish a responsible group to take over where the government sorely missed, using social media to help Canadians get a head up on where vaccines will be offered daily, how many spots, how to book, and who is sold out. From VaxHuntersCan, came another branch @VaxHuntersTO, they post specifically to Toronto’s availabilities. Note their slogan under their name on Twitter – “Here to help people navigate the overly complex vaccine rollout and do the Ford government’s job for them.” Yup, thanks to them they are helping Canadians out where our government fails. Now, here’s the bug up my ass. As I am living in solitude and grief with the passing of my husband, I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting my second dose, where I know not where and if it will come from, so I can get the heck out of here by July/August. But hey, this country is farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from even getting close to vaxxing Canada with round one. Here’s something that niggles at my mind. The only reason my age group was randomly called out of order, which allowed me to get the first vaccine, I found out from the pharmacist, was because at that time, (the age allowances have been changed several times since for those eligible for the Astra Zeneca – just another reason people have no confidence and don’t know what to believe about safety), the pharmacy’s vaccine was soon to expire. That’s how I got in. Fast forward to a few days ago, when I began following @VaxxHuntersTO on Twitter, they announced two pharmacies (close to me) that had lots of spots left for the Astra vaccine, that are supposedly expiring in May. So I called up both those pharmacies and told them I noted there were lots of spots on the website still available. A lot of people don’t want Astra Zeneca for whatever reasons (most of which because the government has changed their mind on age limits allowed for it and people are losing trust), so I asked if I could come in for my second dose and was refused. I didn’t hang up without making a comment, reiterating that they have vaccines, nobody is coming for, they’re about to expire, but they will go in the garbage instead of vaxxing anyone waiting for dose two. Yes apparently, in our Covid capital of Toronto where we can’t get enough vaccines, they will throw them out before giving anyone a second dose. DO YOU SEE WHY I NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE??? So I’ve been DMing on Twitter with one of the persons running this VaxxHunter site, sharing about my discoveries and they are as appalled as I am. Apparently, ‘the person’ I’m chatting with runs a clinic downtown Toronto, and they told me that they will have left overs and they will personally DM me to invite me in for round two! Thank goodness for competent citizens because certainly our government cannot seem to get their shit together! Note – I’d also like to add that my first dose vaccine came from India. Ironically, when India was doing so well before this next tragic wave hit them, they kindly helped Canada out with Astra Zeneca from their plants. My heart (what’s left of it) goes out to India for the horrific predicament they are in right now. It’s gut-wrenching to watch those poor people in desperation to save their loved ones. I know Canada and the US is sending them equipment, oxygen and ventilators as they so desperately need for this killer next wave that is unrelenting there. I hope other countries will send along some healthcare workers to help ease their under-staffed situation, the same way so many are helping out each other in so many other countries, including my own. People are dying everywhere, kindness and compassion are essential in these times everywhere and from everyone. We are all one as the world. ©DGKaye2021
Published on May 04, 2021 07:52
May 1, 2021
Sunday Book Review – On Life After Death -Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Welcome to my Sunday Book Review. Since my husband’s illness, and consequently, his passing, I’ve found it difficult to read books with my lack of concentration as my mind drifts back and forth to grief. So I’ve found that reading books on the topic of grief are somewhat comforting because I can identify well with that topic that I’m living daily. And hey, if there’s something that is going to teach me how to roll with the waves, I’ll take all the help I can get. This week’s book is, On Life After Death by Dr. Elisabeth Kuber-Ross who is well known for her books on grief, dying and afterlife. Blurb: A collection of inspiring essays with frank and compassionate advice for those dealing with terminal illness or the death of a loved one, from the pioneering author of On Death and Dying and On Grief and Grieving As a pioneer of the hospice movement, Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross was one of the first scholars to frankly discuss our relationship with death. By introducing the concept of the five stages of dying, her work has informed the lives of countless people as they face the grieving process. This classic collection of four essays—based on Dr. Kubler-Ross’s studies of more than twenty thousand people who had near-death experiences—illuminates her sensitive, original, and even controversial findings on death, dying, and the afterlife. Now with a new foreword from Caroline Myss offering a personal perspective on Dr. Kübler-Ross, On Life After Death presents writings that challenge and encourage us to approach the end of life not with trepidation, but with clear-eyed, compassionate love. My 5 Star Review: Four inspirational essays on death and dying by Dr. Ross who was considered a pioneer of the hospice movement. Dr. Ross studied over 20,000 cases of people who faced near-death experiences and came back to tell, participating in as witness, and in these stories she shares her discoveries. She describes the stages of a person’s passing as they walk through the light and the deceased begins to play a whole movie reel of their entire life as they transcend. Ross says, ‘It’s a blessing to be able to sit at the bedside of a dying person.” Personally, I’m no amateur at this as I’ve been to my share of beloved bedsides, including, recently, my own husband’s. I’m not sure if the blessing is for the one leaving our world because the only blessing I felt was that he was no longer suffering, but the aftermath of me and my loss certainly doesn’t feel like a blessing. We are told that when the person is passing on their guardian angels, guides and past love ones are greeting them to help with the transition. Dr. Ross said these events have been verified by her as a scientist. “There will always be someone there to guide the leaving soul to transcend.” One example of watching a near death event, Dr. Ross watched a blind girl slip away. She came back to the land of the living and explained that she watched from above the doctors bringing her back to life. She explained that she saw everything from above, told Dr. Ross of the colors of clothing people were wearing in the room. She was spot on. When she returned to the land of living, so did her blindness. I think we are all curious to know what really goes on in the other side after life on earth, and we have much to learn from those who’ve been to the precipice between two worlds, yet somehow made it back to the land of the living. This is a short book with stories of people Dr. Ross has witnessed their near death experiences, which she shares openly. There are no big jargony medical words or terms to navigate, merely stories of survivors who came back to tell. Poignant Quotes: “Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding the cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh and to grow.” “Everything can be bearable when there was LOVE.” “…dying is only a transition to a different form of life.” ©DGKaye2021
Published on May 01, 2021 22:13
April 30, 2021
#WATWB – An Autistic Man Posts Online for Work and Gets 7 Million Views! – Goodnet
Welcome to this months #WATWB – We are the World Blogfest where a group of writers take the time to post about one good thing going on in this world, to deflect from some of the negativity, on the last Friday of each month. I heard about this amazing guy, Ryan Lowry, on the news and then came across the article I’m sharing here today, where an autistic man struggled to get a job because of his autism, so he decided to hand write a letter and post it on Linkedin. He got over seven million views as his words touched many hearts, and optimally, got himself a job. “A young autistic man recently posted a letter on LinkedIn asking for a job. This honest and personal letter sparked such compassion, it was viewed over 7 million times. He opened the hearts of all who read it and within four days, he landed a scholarship in his dream field. The 20-year-old from Virginia had a vision. Ryan Lowry was looking for a job in IT or animation and wanted to get the word out, so with the help of his dad he opened a LinkedIn account, according to TODAY. He wrote a handwritten, personal, and deeply honest letter that stood out from the other posts. In the letter, Lowry explained upfront that he has autism. He added that he is a quick learner, gifted at math, and has a great sense of humor. “I realize that someone like you will have to take a chance on me,” he wrote to a prospective employer. “I don’t learn like typical people. I would need a mentor to teach me, but I learn quickly, once you explain it, I get it.” This letter spread across the LinkedIn community like fire, warming hearts along the way. It gained seven million shares and 180,000 likes. There was so much activity centered around this one letter, LinkedIn closed the account thinking it was suspicious, according to TODAY. The account was soon reopened and a flourish of comments picked up again. Catherine Fisher from LinkedIn told TODAY, “Ryan is leading by example, he’s showcasing his unique skills, being authentic and asking his community for help. We can’t wait to see when he updates his profile with a new job.” Please continue reading this beautiful article at Goodnet.org Source: An Autistic Man Posts Online for Work and Gets 7 Million Views! – Goodnet If you’d like to share something good going on you’ve come across, please share a link at our WATWB Facebook page to post. Hosts this month are: Sylvia McGrath and Belinda Witzenhausen. ©DGKaye2021
Published on April 30, 2021 05:54
April 27, 2021
Shopping for One – Life, Love and Loss – #Grief
After two weeks of grueling paperwork, phone calls and income tax, and … grieving, I thought perhaps I should run out and pick up a few groceries – few being the operative word. I should have known by the sunny sky I’d spied when I peeked out the window before leaving, the sunshine would be short-lived as it rained down a five minute stunt of chunky snowflakes as soon as I pulled out of the garage. Maybe it wasn’t the right day to venture out into the world in my new singleness. I had zero vegetables left – or chocolates, so that was enough to motivate me to get outside, only my second time out since my husband’s funeral. Still, I felt strange. But I thought it would also be a good idea to just get out. Sure, plenty of times while my husband wasn’t well I’d done the shopping solo, but I was still shopping for the two of us. This time I wasn’t. I ambled into the supermarket, feeling slightly numb from the combination of half an Ativan and carrying the boulder around as added weight, which feels permanently attached to my heart. I chose what I needed for myself from the produce section and picked up a few red grapes. I stopped myself for a moment in thought. George likes green grapes. I try to explain to him, to no avail, that there are better benefits from eating red grapes – resveratrol, for one. But I’d continue to get him his green grapes, as the extra health factor in the red grapes didn’t excite, and myself the red. Today I only bought the red grapes. As I ventured up every aisle just looking for a few things, my eyes glanced the many items I’d normally throw in the basket for my husband. Nope, don’t need the almond milk creamer, but thanks again Stupidstore for not having my soy creamer. Again! I grabbed myself a case of fizzy water, and left behind the case of gingerale, which is another staple for George. I picked up my toothpaste, not his. As I scooted down the refrigerated aisle, I was taken aback when I passed his favorite rice pudding cups. How many years have I bought him those cups? I stood there for a few minutes just staring at the rice pudding, but in actuality, I was staring right through it, far and beyond. Then I went to the chocolate bar and candy aisle – George’s favorite aisle to roam in. I picked up my milk chocolate big bar, and left his dark chocolate one behind. I bypassed the bread aisle. None required. The same oatmeal box caught my eye as the one I had at home, still almost full, save for that one bowl I tried to feed you again after you ate it the previous day and loved it. But that was that day, every day we’d cross a new challenge. It was a short shop. I’d had enough. I went to stand in the Covid partroled lineup to cash out. My position in line, directly beside the flower shop. The roses took me back to the roses of two weeks ago, the ones that were placed on your coffin. Let’s go, let’s go, I kept repeating silently within as I could feel another outburst of grief brewing within. I needed to get out of that store. I just couldn’t breathe. I think it was a bit too early for me to venture back out in the outside world, especially alone. I realized that being locked down in my Covid-free lockdown home is where I feel most comfortable at this moment. There I can be more comfortable in my unacceptance that you’re really gone, like when I’m in the living room, I pretend you’re sleeping. That’s how I’m able to function right now. I feel the same aching inside every time I open up a cupboard or a fridge door in our home. So many of your favorite foods that I don’t eat remain resting on the shelves. I’ll throw it out someday. But right now I’m just not ready. Triggers are everywhere and in everything. As the well of grief refills itself daily, I learn the simplest of things can set off a tidal wave of tears. Below, I’ll share a poignant passage from Gary Roe’s book – Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart, which I recently read and reviewed: …My grief is like that. It can make a fool out of me without warning. No way to prepare for it. No way to anticipate it. Every moment, I’m at the mercy of my surroundings and my emotions. ~Gary Roe. ©DGKaye2021
Published on April 27, 2021 02:00