Alan Denham's Blog: Old_Bloke's_Blog
November 18, 2014
Aesthetically Insulted!
I discovered some time back that I am not a natural blogger - but tonight I thought I would get something written while my blood is still hot!
I have just got back from my local cinema where I went to watch a short (about 70 minutes, but it felt much longer) presentation under the title "Vatican Treasures - 3D".
Ye Gods - what a travesty! it didn't start too badly - a few views of the marble 'Laocoon and his sons' with voice-over description, in translation, from some senior figure at the Vatican museums.
And then they started on the paintings. Deus misereatur! I don't know all the details of what treasures the Vatican Museums hold, but this concentrated on Raphael, Michaelangelo, and Leonardo - and they destroyed everything those masters had done!
Who on God's earth had the bright idea of taking pictures of art such as the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel . . . and then putting it through 3D software and coming up with slightly out-of-focus images of something that looked as if someone had taken the ceiling and played decoupage with it. You know decoupage? It is that form of craft (not exactly art) that involves taking multiple copies of a suitable picture (kittens in a basket, or whatever) cutting out various bits and layering up with odd bits of silicone gel to give a 3D effect. In this case, taking the famous 'God touching fingers with Adam' scene and doing more-or-less the same thing. electronically. And the same thing to someone's famous altar triptych. It came out looking like decoupage done with not enough layers of paper, and too-thick layers of silicone gel. Or maybe a selective view of a child's pop-up book. And doing it again to Raphael's famous 'School of Athens'. Look that up on google and then imagine it reduced to about eight layers of cardboard cut-out.
And more. And more. And there were plenty of other things wrong as well.
For crying out loud, if you want to add 3D to a painting, get some decent professional-standard software to do it! And then, if you can afford decent professional-standard software, don't buy it - spend the money instead on a decent professional-standard producer, who will tell you not to do it, it was a piss-poor idea to begin with.
Words fail me. I can't decide whether the appropriate reaction is cynical laughter, or indignation at having paid actual money to see this travesty. (Actually, my wife paid for it, she thought it would be a serious presentation. I had to take her for a beer afterwards to help her calm down). The nearest thing to this I have seen was a Monty Python episode - we could label this as Monty Python's Flying 3D Aesthetic Insult.
The only realistic use I can see for this film is as a 'How Not To Do It' for college students
Enough! I doubt if this will ever hit the cinemas again, but if it does, then prime your sense of humour by watching The Rocky Horror Show first - or better yet, just don't go!
I have just got back from my local cinema where I went to watch a short (about 70 minutes, but it felt much longer) presentation under the title "Vatican Treasures - 3D".
Ye Gods - what a travesty! it didn't start too badly - a few views of the marble 'Laocoon and his sons' with voice-over description, in translation, from some senior figure at the Vatican museums.
And then they started on the paintings. Deus misereatur! I don't know all the details of what treasures the Vatican Museums hold, but this concentrated on Raphael, Michaelangelo, and Leonardo - and they destroyed everything those masters had done!
Who on God's earth had the bright idea of taking pictures of art such as the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel . . . and then putting it through 3D software and coming up with slightly out-of-focus images of something that looked as if someone had taken the ceiling and played decoupage with it. You know decoupage? It is that form of craft (not exactly art) that involves taking multiple copies of a suitable picture (kittens in a basket, or whatever) cutting out various bits and layering up with odd bits of silicone gel to give a 3D effect. In this case, taking the famous 'God touching fingers with Adam' scene and doing more-or-less the same thing. electronically. And the same thing to someone's famous altar triptych. It came out looking like decoupage done with not enough layers of paper, and too-thick layers of silicone gel. Or maybe a selective view of a child's pop-up book. And doing it again to Raphael's famous 'School of Athens'. Look that up on google and then imagine it reduced to about eight layers of cardboard cut-out.
And more. And more. And there were plenty of other things wrong as well.
For crying out loud, if you want to add 3D to a painting, get some decent professional-standard software to do it! And then, if you can afford decent professional-standard software, don't buy it - spend the money instead on a decent professional-standard producer, who will tell you not to do it, it was a piss-poor idea to begin with.
Words fail me. I can't decide whether the appropriate reaction is cynical laughter, or indignation at having paid actual money to see this travesty. (Actually, my wife paid for it, she thought it would be a serious presentation. I had to take her for a beer afterwards to help her calm down). The nearest thing to this I have seen was a Monty Python episode - we could label this as Monty Python's Flying 3D Aesthetic Insult.
The only realistic use I can see for this film is as a 'How Not To Do It' for college students
Enough! I doubt if this will ever hit the cinemas again, but if it does, then prime your sense of humour by watching The Rocky Horror Show first - or better yet, just don't go!
February 27, 2014
Oh Dear!
Oh Dear Indeed! I have just realised that it is near enough four months since I last posted anything here. Life runs slow through winter! I honestly have good intentions - but I might have to admit blogging is not my natural environment (and Twitter even less so, and I don't like Facebook either - I'm old, remember?)
Anyway - progress (of a sort). Since the last blog post Graham and I have raised our total to 4 books, available through Amazon or Smashwords. I am now in the process of sorting out links to our books on the Goodreads database (which I made a shameful mess of some time ago)
And I persuaded Richie Earl (http://onethousandworlds.blogspot.co.uk/) to put up an interview, with some nice pictures. Sadly it was only at the top of the page for one day before another interviewee came along, but even so, I am grateful.
Other progress . . . Graham is working on a sequel to 'Shades of Gold" - something we (mostly Graham) roughly drafted many years ago, and now it just needs a bit of polishing. And I am working on the continuing story of Edrin - he was created to be in one of the short stories in "Shades of Magic" - but he was too good to leave there, so the short story that some of you may have already read is in the process of becoming Chapter One of a full length book - eventually, I hope! It is not going well!
Now I must go and indulge my other hobby - I have an urge to take a large mallet and hit something!
Cheers
Anyway - progress (of a sort). Since the last blog post Graham and I have raised our total to 4 books, available through Amazon or Smashwords. I am now in the process of sorting out links to our books on the Goodreads database (which I made a shameful mess of some time ago)
And I persuaded Richie Earl (http://onethousandworlds.blogspot.co.uk/) to put up an interview, with some nice pictures. Sadly it was only at the top of the page for one day before another interviewee came along, but even so, I am grateful.
Other progress . . . Graham is working on a sequel to 'Shades of Gold" - something we (mostly Graham) roughly drafted many years ago, and now it just needs a bit of polishing. And I am working on the continuing story of Edrin - he was created to be in one of the short stories in "Shades of Magic" - but he was too good to leave there, so the short story that some of you may have already read is in the process of becoming Chapter One of a full length book - eventually, I hope! It is not going well!
Now I must go and indulge my other hobby - I have an urge to take a large mallet and hit something!
Cheers
October 26, 2013
Life goes on - and on
OK, just over a fortnight since I got this started - and I haven't gone very far with blogging! Writing is going very slowly - too many other things on the go! House needs building work - and has anyone tried finding a builder who will even return a phone call about an outdoor job at this time of year? Plus I have been spending time on my other hobbies - walking and woodcarving. Coquetdale Gallery at Rothbury now carry my work, and it is starting to sell - not at particularly good prices yet, but if I get known, that will improve.
The same is true of my writing - if I could get my name well enough known, people would tell their friends and then sales would go up. The alternative is spamming, and that's unethical (though desperation might take over if I don't start selling soon!)
Anyone got any marketing tips?? The books are currently on Amazon, but I will be taking a serious look at Smashwords during this next week.
And so life goes on. I don't want to start on about politics (that's much too depressing at the moment!) so I will stop here for now.
Cheers
The same is true of my writing - if I could get my name well enough known, people would tell their friends and then sales would go up. The alternative is spamming, and that's unethical (though desperation might take over if I don't start selling soon!)
Anyone got any marketing tips?? The books are currently on Amazon, but I will be taking a serious look at Smashwords during this next week.
And so life goes on. I don't want to start on about politics (that's much too depressing at the moment!) so I will stop here for now.
Cheers
October 10, 2013
Just arrived
I just managed to get my Goodreads Authorpage active (I hope!). Its a bit of a mess because I am in an unconventional position - I write with an old friend, and having two books (so far) written by two authors create a non-obvious situation for the database. I know it can cope, but its not easy to get the right data in the right fields first try!
We started writing a long time ago - Graham first (details on our website at http://www.planetnuome.co.uk) but we didn't think it was 'right' until about 4 years ago, at which time getting published was not easy. Eventually we did it ourselves (thanks, Amazon Kindle). Shades of Smoke went up first, then Shades of Gold. There are a couple more due out soon, once we get the details sorted.
All we need now is publicity - anyone, please read, and tell your friends!
We started writing a long time ago - Graham first (details on our website at http://www.planetnuome.co.uk) but we didn't think it was 'right' until about 4 years ago, at which time getting published was not easy. Eventually we did it ourselves (thanks, Amazon Kindle). Shades of Smoke went up first, then Shades of Gold. There are a couple more due out soon, once we get the details sorted.
All we need now is publicity - anyone, please read, and tell your friends!
Old_Bloke's_Blog
I have been trying to write for nearly 30 years, but my career kept getting in the way. Now I'm retired . . .
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