Aesthetically Insulted!
I discovered some time back that I am not a natural blogger - but tonight I thought I would get something written while my blood is still hot!
I have just got back from my local cinema where I went to watch a short (about 70 minutes, but it felt much longer) presentation under the title "Vatican Treasures - 3D".
Ye Gods - what a travesty! it didn't start too badly - a few views of the marble 'Laocoon and his sons' with voice-over description, in translation, from some senior figure at the Vatican museums.
And then they started on the paintings. Deus misereatur! I don't know all the details of what treasures the Vatican Museums hold, but this concentrated on Raphael, Michaelangelo, and Leonardo - and they destroyed everything those masters had done!
Who on God's earth had the bright idea of taking pictures of art such as the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel . . . and then putting it through 3D software and coming up with slightly out-of-focus images of something that looked as if someone had taken the ceiling and played decoupage with it. You know decoupage? It is that form of craft (not exactly art) that involves taking multiple copies of a suitable picture (kittens in a basket, or whatever) cutting out various bits and layering up with odd bits of silicone gel to give a 3D effect. In this case, taking the famous 'God touching fingers with Adam' scene and doing more-or-less the same thing. electronically. And the same thing to someone's famous altar triptych. It came out looking like decoupage done with not enough layers of paper, and too-thick layers of silicone gel. Or maybe a selective view of a child's pop-up book. And doing it again to Raphael's famous 'School of Athens'. Look that up on google and then imagine it reduced to about eight layers of cardboard cut-out.
And more. And more. And there were plenty of other things wrong as well.
For crying out loud, if you want to add 3D to a painting, get some decent professional-standard software to do it! And then, if you can afford decent professional-standard software, don't buy it - spend the money instead on a decent professional-standard producer, who will tell you not to do it, it was a piss-poor idea to begin with.
Words fail me. I can't decide whether the appropriate reaction is cynical laughter, or indignation at having paid actual money to see this travesty. (Actually, my wife paid for it, she thought it would be a serious presentation. I had to take her for a beer afterwards to help her calm down). The nearest thing to this I have seen was a Monty Python episode - we could label this as Monty Python's Flying 3D Aesthetic Insult.
The only realistic use I can see for this film is as a 'How Not To Do It' for college students
Enough! I doubt if this will ever hit the cinemas again, but if it does, then prime your sense of humour by watching The Rocky Horror Show first - or better yet, just don't go!
I have just got back from my local cinema where I went to watch a short (about 70 minutes, but it felt much longer) presentation under the title "Vatican Treasures - 3D".
Ye Gods - what a travesty! it didn't start too badly - a few views of the marble 'Laocoon and his sons' with voice-over description, in translation, from some senior figure at the Vatican museums.
And then they started on the paintings. Deus misereatur! I don't know all the details of what treasures the Vatican Museums hold, but this concentrated on Raphael, Michaelangelo, and Leonardo - and they destroyed everything those masters had done!
Who on God's earth had the bright idea of taking pictures of art such as the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel . . . and then putting it through 3D software and coming up with slightly out-of-focus images of something that looked as if someone had taken the ceiling and played decoupage with it. You know decoupage? It is that form of craft (not exactly art) that involves taking multiple copies of a suitable picture (kittens in a basket, or whatever) cutting out various bits and layering up with odd bits of silicone gel to give a 3D effect. In this case, taking the famous 'God touching fingers with Adam' scene and doing more-or-less the same thing. electronically. And the same thing to someone's famous altar triptych. It came out looking like decoupage done with not enough layers of paper, and too-thick layers of silicone gel. Or maybe a selective view of a child's pop-up book. And doing it again to Raphael's famous 'School of Athens'. Look that up on google and then imagine it reduced to about eight layers of cardboard cut-out.
And more. And more. And there were plenty of other things wrong as well.
For crying out loud, if you want to add 3D to a painting, get some decent professional-standard software to do it! And then, if you can afford decent professional-standard software, don't buy it - spend the money instead on a decent professional-standard producer, who will tell you not to do it, it was a piss-poor idea to begin with.
Words fail me. I can't decide whether the appropriate reaction is cynical laughter, or indignation at having paid actual money to see this travesty. (Actually, my wife paid for it, she thought it would be a serious presentation. I had to take her for a beer afterwards to help her calm down). The nearest thing to this I have seen was a Monty Python episode - we could label this as Monty Python's Flying 3D Aesthetic Insult.
The only realistic use I can see for this film is as a 'How Not To Do It' for college students
Enough! I doubt if this will ever hit the cinemas again, but if it does, then prime your sense of humour by watching The Rocky Horror Show first - or better yet, just don't go!
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I have been trying to write for nearly 30 years, but my career kept getting in the way. Now I'm retired . . .
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