Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 234

Book Review - What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

The book speaks to a journey, and a journey as we know, gives the idea of moving from one place to the next, and although there is physical movement – as the story moves through her life here in Trinidad and Tobago, in England and in Uganda – the real movement/the real journey is to a place of self-love.  This journey to self-love is a painful one, one that is full of growth. A beautiful journey, one which a lot of us might choose not to do, but one which Akosua embarked on bravely and courageously.  The book details this journey by identifying and speaking to different values or as I term them, guiding lights - Authenticity; Gratitude; Intuition; Balance; Letting Go; Self Confidence; Courage; Forgiveness, to name a few.
 
Even though it is a painful story, it is not a painful read as it is written without bitterness and with a lot of humour, love and compassion.  There is no beating up on self for decisions made and actions taken.  There is no regret, no wishing to change the past and in this lies the beauty.  So although we may be pained by the story we are still encouraged to laugh with Akosua as her sense of humour comes through in so many ways. 
 
 It is a very generous book, as it shares not only the values and the lessons gained but also some of the tools that were used on the journey. And this sharing is done in a very gentle, non threatening way as if the author were saying to us, “this is what I used, it may help you on your journey”.  It is here if you choose to use it.  It is a self help book without being a self help book.
 
This is Akosua’s story. She has opened herself to us, she has freed herself from her past. She has chosen to be authentic – to show up as she is.   It is also your story and my story, not in the details of Akosua’s life but in the situations and places from which we choose to live.  Am I living an authentic life? Am I being true to myself? In what ways have I not honoured myself, not respected my needs, not loved myself, not accepted myself, not set boundaries with the persons in my life, not believed in myself?  Am I living for me or am I living to please others? What is holding me back from being my best self?  These and other questions came to the fore while reading the book, encouraging me to stop and to assess, to bravely attempt to sit with the discomfort as the answers came forth.  Not an easy thing to do.    
 
And so, it is through Akosua’s gentle, honest and compassionate writing that we are given the space to identify our own story, to come to terms with what has happened in our lives, probably share our own story.  Acknowledging that we are on a journey, that we can change course anytime we choose to, that we can change companions on that journey if it means loving ourselves freely and unconditionally, being who we are and showing up as we are.  This is what the book affords us – Courage to love ourselves unconditionally. 
 
And I will share a quote from the book: 
“I have learnt that transformation is the result of discovering that you are already whole.  It is the realisation of the true self. Being human means so much more than you have ever imagined.  It is a divine and wonderful experience to realise that you already have everything you need inside.  It is a relief to discover that you are not flawed”. 

The icing on the cake

Choosing fear outsources your happiness and makes someone else responsible for the way you feel. You seek for Love because you believe you lack it.  Jackson KiddardI was having an interesting conversation yesterday, the guy told me that women, he has no time for them now in his life because they want him to spend time on them and insist that he makes them happy. Right now he wants to focus on himself. I thought that was interesting for two reasons
1. Building a relationship, in my mind, can only thrive if time is spent building it, simple!
2. Other people insisting that their happiness depends on something and someone outside of themselves
I understood where he was coming from on both counts having been there!
Why do we really outsource our happiness? Can you honestly say that you can be happy regardless of what your boss, teacher, partner, mother, father, friend says and does? Do you even know how? Have you ever thought about it?

I thought about it yesterday and I came to the conclusion that I don't mean to ignore my feelings, I feel the feelings and deal with it, sometimes I let it pass but my happiness, you see that? that is my own responsibility so I am responsible and accountable for me and my life, so it means having to choose and make some tough decisions sometimes to met people where they are and sometimes leave them where I found them. I know that I know that I know that happiness is a choice!

On a separate note, called my granma yesterday, random weekly chit chat and she said in between our talk of politics " You did a good job on that interview, I can say I passed the baton and you picked it up and ran with it" then she went right back into the politics without taking a breath, I didn't have a chance to say a bloddy thing! And that, my friends, was the icing on the cake! Honoring the ones who paved the way for me!
Peace!

Where are you looking for what's within?

I pray today to be EMANCIPATED. . . EMANCIPATED from fear and all its children: worry, fret, doubt, can't, shoulda/woulda/coulda, procrastina- tion, shrinking, hiding and 'don't know'.
EMANCIPATED from pride, arro- gance, thinking I know what's best, thinking I'm superwoman and erroneously believing I can do it all on my own. InnerVisions Worldwide




My granma had a birthday on Sunday last, she turned 85, and she looks darn good! (hope I get her genes!) I haven't spent a birthday with her in almost ten years and a few of the family members as well have never really been around in March, this time a few of her grandchildren was here and she made a huge fuss about us coming to eat breakfast with her around her kitchen table! As I sat there the thought entered my head that right here is a lot of knowledge and wisdom! Somehow I was searching for it and it was right there all the time! How many of us go searching and what we are searching for is right in front of us! Looking for external validation? Food for thought!
Peace!!






 

Just for today, admit what you feel

" Just for today, be devoted to honouring your feelings. Allow yourself to feel them. Admit to yourself what you feel. If you really want to give yourself an opportunity to grow and heal, admit exactly what you are feeling to one other living person" Iyanla ( the boss)

Woke up pretty early today as I am heading to a village called Brasso Secco on the North Coast of Trinidad, pretty place! I am meeting with a rural community group who started a business to " use what they have" to grow and empower the community through business, they have amazing cocoa and coffee being grown up there, met with them once before but only  a couple of the members, this time its everyone, at their community center, more than likely, as is always the case, I will learn more from them than them from me!

So until then, will let you know how it goes!
Have an awesome Monday!

You become what you do everyday

It's the subtleties of our behavior that either wake us up or numb us out Danielle La Porte

Sharing this from one of my favourite teachers Sudir Krisnan

You become what you do every day.

For example:
• You smoke everyday, and you become a smoker.
• You drink everyday, and you become an alcoholic.
• You overeat everyday, and you become obese.
• You neglect your health every day, and you become sick.
• You neglect your relationship every day, and it turns sour.
• You spend beyond your limits every day, and you become poor.
• You practice being unhappy every day, and you become depressed.

Likewise:
• You exercise everyday, and you become fit.
• You sing everyday, and you become a singer.
• You run every day, and you become a runner.
• You write everyday, and you become a writer.
• You eat moderately every day, and you maintain healthy weight.
• You think business every day, and you become a businessman.
• You work diligently every day, and become successful in your career.
• You save and make your money grow every day, and you become wealthy.
• You read a little every day, and you become knowledgeable on that subject.
• You spend quality time in your relationship every day, and develop healthy relationships.
• You practice being happy every day, and you become a happy person.
• You strive for spiritual growth every day, and you grow spiritually.

Everything that is part of your life became so because you have been meditating upon it consistently. People who are very good at what they do find a way to consistently do the things they are passionate about without taking long absences from it. Thus, if there is something that does not serve you that you wish to eliminate from your life, simply find a way to do it infrequently until you completely stop doing it. Conversely, if there is something you want to develop within yourself, find a way to do it every day, and one day it will become a natural part of you.

The day to take charge and create the life you want is thus today.

Do overs!

 Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!"- Bob Marley
Wrong?? We make choices. Choices have consequences. The only way wrong gets in is when we put it on the path, when we judge ourselves and others. Life offers us an endless supply of do-overs. Life always offers you the opportunity to do it over until you receive the desired results of your heart. Today seize the opportunity to do over some things you have already done!!  I’m viewing mistakes and misfortunes as DO OVERS!!!  So ok brutally honest, today I was harbouring serious thoughts about leaving Trinidad and living somewhere else, I'm sitting in the moment for a bit because there are some lessons somewhere, I was seriously thinking, "Universe, spare me from class today, please? Can I get one day out of class??" LOL! Anyways, I'm sitting in it and as Jill Scott says, Grown woman choices and decisions, do it like BOOM!Peace

Be willing to let go of something old and grab on to something new

Sometimes you have to be willing to let go of something old to grab onto something new. You have to be willing to let a part of you die that you used to be comfortable with in order for another part of you to be born . Lisa Nicols


I was thinking today about how things really happen when they are supposed to happen - ok when you are ready to receive  or when you need it, not when YOU THINK you need it, when you actually and really really do need it! So if you aren't ready to receive or not ready for a different perspective, no amount of forcing, pushing, begging and pleading will make it happen! What is for you is for you and it happens in divine timing, All of that is to say this, when I was going through my denial of how my life was crashing over a cliff, and the proverbial shit was hitting the fan, I sat down one day and said " What exactly do you want? What exactly would I want given the situation that I cannot control?" It took me two weeks to answer myself but after that time I knew I wanted to serve a purpose instead of making profits for a corporation that just cared more about money and less about people.

Part of wanting what I now wanted three years ago sent me to see someone, who is now a mentor, at his offices in Port of Spain, he took one look at me and said do you know what is your purpose? I didn't have a clue what he meant at the time, all I know was that I wanted to work with him. We kept talking and I never worked for him, now 3 years later I'm minding my own business and I get a call, come work with me for the rest of the week I need you all day Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! What?? 3 years later? I will be there bright and early! Nothing before it's time!

So just thought I would share that
Get ready, be ready to receive, be clear about what you want and see how things fall in place! Sounds simple but hey, most things are, we just make them complicated!
Peace!!

External validation is not a foundation for internal validation

There's nothing wrong with external validation. It's just that external validation cannot serve as a foundation to internal validation. Without an internal structure of self validation, one tends to spend too much time searching. Seeking something never to be received from anyone other than self. Addicted to the inevitable let down of not quite getting what one needs. These synthetic lives. These synthetic times. THE FLOACIST
I am going to be off for the next 3 days working on a project, not sure yet how I am going to get to touch base with you guys yet but technology is such an awesome thing now anything is possible! So let's see I was minding my own business today when the phone rang with this opportunity to do a change management project, never really did it before but the people who asked me seem to think I could! Just as I was about to go to the bank to pay my rent and asking the Universe, ok I have been patient and I still am but hey when is the cash flow gonna flow? Its been since December!! Then the lessons kicked in, the phone rang and the rest is history, I give thanks for  the opportunity!
Anyways, will touch base with you guys soon!
Peace!!

Let me stop all this trippin' and listen!

Let me stop tryna force the issue
I been getting all the right lines
But I ain’t been paying attention
Want me to be what they want me to be
But that ain’t really my vision
I’m scorching hot like fire
So let me stop all this trippin’
Forgin to my own funky fantastic dimension
Let me do what a sister like me do
And put some funk in the kitchen
Let me stop all this trippin’, and listen -Jill Scott, the Light!


ok so since we last "met" I was asked to do a TV talk show programme called "Moving on" Got pretty excited about it because I want to promote not just the book but to share the lessons, stories, journey and to learn from others as well! The taping was on Saturday, it followed a format of 3 hosts asking me questions and having a chat! Well I will be brutally honest, I was nervous as hell! I was nervous about how I looked, what I was going to say, where to put my hand, you name it!! And the hosts, bless them, really made a huge effort to let me know its all ok! I had to really talk to myself and say what about the lessons? what about what you've been talking about? listen to the gut, just show up as you! That worked, and then the hard questions came! I know one thing, I don't have all the answers, I don't even profess to even play or act like I do, all I know is that I have a story to tell and that my story can make a difference to somebody, anybody, I know that all I have to do is show up as me, every single time and it will be just fine, as my Ugandan brothers and sisters say " it will be very ok"
Just show up, shine and let it go!
So for those who live in Trinidad and Tobago, please feel free to join me on the couch on Saturday 5th and Sunday 6th at 6pm on CTV where I will talk about the journey!! Give thanks!!
Peace!!

Our will in truth is happiness!

We seem to prefer our pain over risking something new; at least we know how to suffer, and we are oddly afraid that we won't know how to function if we are happy. But we don't really want suffering; how could we? How could anyone? Our will, in truth, is happiness . ACIMThis is what I have learnt, unless you really want to move, you won't! Unless you want it more than your are afraid of it, you remain there! Unless there are people who are not accepting your excuses and enabling you, its ok to stay where you are and complain or just stay and keep quiet?!
Unless you start taking responsibility for your actions, for your happiness, for your life, well I have learnt that forget it, you're stuck!
Make a move!!! However small, one step, one shift, move move move!!!! Just do it! Just do do do!!!

As master teacher Iyanla says " Only you have a say in what gets to happen in your life!"

Peace!!