Barnabas Piper's Blog, page 36

New Happy Rant: Echo Chambers, Echo Canyons, and Novel Writing

In this episode of The Happy Rant Podcast Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas do what they always do and wander to and fro through a variety of topics:

An update on yoda tweeting
Blurbing Echo Island
Left Behind rip offs
The type of novel we would write
Self-publishing benefits

SPONSORS

[image error]Check out Echo Island, Jared C. Wilson’s new novel. In his own words, “The book is aimed at young adults, probably ages 13 to 19 or so, but I really think the literary quality of it and the mystery aspect of it may afford it a broader appeal. I would say that any reader who has enjoyed the fiction of C.S. Lewis (either Narnia or the Space Trilogy, or both), has an appreciation for speculative fiction (sci-fi, apocalyptic, etc.), mysterious or “meta-fiction” will like the book. Any reader who enjoys a more sophisticated adventure story heavily influenced by ancient myths and classic literature—and how a story full of these elements might say something about God and human existence/freedom—will enjoy Echo Island.

[image error]Thank you to our sponsor for this week’s episode: Dwell Bible App. Dwell is a Bible listening app that we love! If you are looking for a convenient, fresh way of spending more time in God’s word Dwell is ideal. Go to https://dwellapp.io/happyrant to get 20% off your subscription.

BONUS EPISODES

[image error]For some time now a number of listeners have supported us at Patreon. This has been invaluable in helping cover production costs, enabling us to do the occasional extra episode, and more. But it’s about time for us to do something for the supporters, so we have begun releasing short bonus episodes exclusively for Patreon supporters! If you want in on those you can sign up to support us at any amount per month that works for you, and at certain tiers you also get free signed books. Check it out.

Get Your Coffee

[image error]WE ARE COFFEE MOGULS AGAIN. We’ve joined forces with Redbud Coffee, based out of Auburn IL, to bring you deliciously roasted and beautifully packaged coffee. Check out their variety of roasts and be sure to use the code HappyRant at checkout to get a 10% discount off your purchase.

Be sure to visit HappyRantPodcast.com where you can:

Order your Redbud coffee
Connect with Ted, Ronnie, or Barnabas to speak for your church, organization, or event
Support the podcast through our Patreon page . This helps us cover production and hosting costs so we can keep this thing rolling

To listen you can:

Subscribe in iTunes.
Listen on Google Play
Listen on Stitcher
Listen via just about any podcast app/streaming service out there
Leave us a rating in iTunes (it only takes 1 click and it really helps us).
Listen using the player below.

Episode #321

Hanging Happiness on the Weak Hook of Work

It was only once I moved out and became responsible for my own home I began to covet adhesive-backed plastic hanging hooks. They seemed ideal for hanging pictures or dust mops or calendars… until I actually tried them.

I would position the hook just so, gingerly place the picture frame on it, and step back to judge if it was level. Satisfied, I’d go on with life until an hour or a day or a week later I’d be startled out of my skin by a loud crash.

Once my heart rate slowed and I determined there wasn’t a burglar or poltergeist, I’d find the frame twisted and broken with the hook lying nearby, completely detached from the wall. It simply wasn’t strong enough to hold the weight. And yet, for some reason, I’d just grab another hook and try again.

Hanging Our Happiness On Weak Hooks

We hang happiness on hooks the same way I hang pictures, thinking that our jobs, for example, can bear the weight of our expectations. The problem, though, is that our expectations for happiness are too heavy for the hooks we use.

Rarely, if ever, do we consider whether our hooks are strong enough to support the happiness we expect.

“Most of us quietly believe that work can support the weight of our happiness.”

Should We Hope for Work to Make Us Happy?

It’s always exciting when you see an announcement on social media of someone starting a new job. For the first few weeks they’ll post regularly about how thrilled they are about this “new adventure” and how great their co-workers are, sharing pictures from the new office.

Then, over the next few weeks, the posts will slow to a trickle then dry up completely. This is what I like to call the “Expense Report Pivot”—the moment when reality has set in and they realize this “dream job” involves some level of drudgery too.

The day-to-day reality of what they hoped would change their lives turns out to not be all that glamorous or exciting. The hook of a new job could not hold the weight of their hopes for it.

Why Work Can’t Support All Our Happiness

So before long, they search for another hook just like the last one but in a different place. Most of us quietly believe that work can support the weight of our happiness.It’s a belief encapsulated by a guy who told me, “Man, if you don’t love your job you should quit and go find something else.” All we have to do is keep looking for that perfect job, the one we just love, that truly grand adventure. It is a seductively believable attitude. If only it was true.

Switching jobs is not sin; it can be good and necessary. Sometimes a work situation is untenable because of poor fit, poor leadership, unethical practices, or the like. Sometimes we need to find a new job because we cannot support ourselves or our family financially. Sometimes God makes it clear that we should pursue something new.

None of these reasons is based in, “I just don’t love it.” None of them is seeking to move our happiness from one weak hook to another.

Adjusting Our Expectations About Work-Related Happiness

Work is a good hook for the right expectations. We were created by God to be workers. In Genesis 1 and 2 God gave mankind “dominion” over the earth. He gave Adam a garden to cultivate and the task of naming every animal.

From the very beginning work has been part of our purpose, and at its best, work does make us happy because it allows us to exercise our talents, use our creativity, partner with other people, do something beneficial for others, and find a measure of fulfillment.

A biblical framework for living a grounded, hopeful, and genuinely happy life.

But work cannot fulfill our dreams or make us lastingly happy: “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going” (Ecclesiastes 9:10).

We work hard now, and our work matters in this life.

We work for the good of family, society, and self but not to find eternal meaning or identity.

Finding True, Lasting Happiness

Work— like many other things in life- is a means of finding happiness. It’s designed by God and is a good thing. It’s a good hook for the right things, but too weak to hold our hopes for total happiness.

Take a look back at your experiences with jobs. Can you think of a time when you experienced the hook break? What weighty expectations were you placing on work? What other weak hooks are you relying on for happiness?

It’s incumbent on us to be aware of our expectations and gauge whether they align with reality and what is true according to God. We are not doomed to repeat this cycle of shattered hopes and broken happiness. There is a way to get expectations right and find strong hooks on which to hang them—there is a way to be happy.

[image error]This is an excerpt from Hoping for Happiness by Barnabas Piper. A biblical framework for living a grounded, hopeful, and genuinely happy life, this book gets far beyond the topic of work and helps us to throw off both the unrealistic expectations that end in disappointment and the guilty sense that Christians are not meant to have fun. 

12 Ways to Be a Curious Person

Curiosity doesn’t have a recipe. It’s not like baking cookies. If it was, it wouldn’t be very curious, would it? Curiosity differs for everyone. Some people are finders and connectors. Some people are miners who go deep on a single subject and drill to great depths. Both need the other and benefit from their respective differences. For some people, curiosity is highly relational; for some it’s actionable, and for some it’s conceptual. Again, each is good and according to the gifts and propensities God has given them. The list that follows seeks to offer practical steps for curiosity of any cut, color, or kind.

1) BE INTERESTED

If you believe the world is uninteresting it will be for you. And you will miss everything amazing going on around you. You will miss all the amazing people and ideas and natural occurrences and creation. To be interested is a decision because our natural inclination is to shrink life to something manageable whereas being interested expands life dramatically. We must assume that God did not make a boring world. To assume He did would be to dishonor Him. And if He didn’t make a boring world who are we to live as it is not worth our attention. Make the decision to tune in.

2) BE HUMBLE

Do not assume anyone or anything has nothing to offer you. If God made it then it has value, and if it is a person then he or she bears God’s imprint the same as you. It is arrogance to treat anyone or anything as valueless and uninteresting. If then, all created things have value and hold interest we should ask questions, and only humble people are free to do this. Asking questions is an admission of ignorance and a tacit statement of need. Pride abhors this stance. Proud people are embarrassed to ask questions and to look vulnerable. Pride kills curiosity quicker than anything. So foster humility by constantly looking at the expanse of God, his creation, and all you don’t yet know about it.

3) LOOK

Looking is not the same as seeing. Seeing develops with time, like an infant learning to track a parent’s finger then see a face then see the room. Looking is the intentional exercise of doing just that – viewing the world, glancing about, seeing what there is to see. It is a habit of trying to see . . . something. You know it is there – whatever it is – because you know God made a complex, fascinating world and it never fails to offer something about which to be curious. Before you can notice you must be looking, so make a habit of it. Look at the people around you, the weather, the architecture of your city, the topography of your county, something. Try to notice something you’ve missed day in and day out on your commute to work or in your neighborhood. Until you begin looking and noticing things of little significance you’ll never be develop the ability to see more significant things.

4) LISTEN

Listening is looking with your ears. It is tuning in to the voices and the sound track and sound effects of your world. Every day you hear thousands of words and noises. You hear phrases that are funny, but you don’t notice them. You hear accents but you can’t place them or imitate them. You hear sirens but don’t know they’re from a fire engine or a police car. A snippet of information or an inspirational quote rolls right out of that podcast and past you because you tuned out. The old guy at the table next to you at the diner has the funniest figures of speech, but none that come to mind right now. A co-worker told a really funny story, like so funny your ribs hurt from laughing, about . . . something. Every morning you walk to your car and miss the song the dove is singing or the breeze is playing. You need develop the habit of listening the same way you develop the habit of looking. Too much is happening around you not to notice and tune in.

5) RECORD

We have terrible memories. How many times have you told yourself “I’ll take care of that when I get home form work” only to forget that you had anything to take care of, let alone what it was? How often do you walk into a room to do something, but what was it again? All the looking and listening will accomplish nothing at all unless we take note of it, or should I say take notes of it. Write down your observations. Use your phone or a notebook or a napkin or something. I use Evernote on my phone and computer or Apple’s Notes app. They are my preference because they’re easy and they sync between devices. In Bird by Bird Anne Lamott writes about always taking note cards with her to jot down things that catch her ear or eye – a scene, a phrase, a sound. Regardless of your method or the implements you use, just take notes.

6) ASK

Questions are the currency of curiosity. But unlike other currency there is no withdrawal limit and they multiply themselves. Spend liberally. Do not be embarrassed to ask; remember that asking someone an honest question shows respect to their expertise and their personal story. Asking someone a question honors them, so ask away. Ask individuals so you can hear their perspectives. Ask experts so you can hear the details and depth. Ask resources (books, Google, documentaries, etc.) to get facts. Ask yourself to see if you really understand and where your blind spots are. In any situation come with a few questions prepared.

7) GO AND EXPLORE

It takes a conscientious decision to step outside our lane, to get out of the wheel rut our life rolls down. But curiosity demands it. Otherwise our discoveries will be limited to our daily life and be relegated to mere ideas because we can do nothing about them. Exploring might mean crossing the street or it might mean crossing the Ocean. What it must mean is stretching ourselves and likely getting uncomfortable. Some people will travel the world, but many people simply need to discover other neighborhoods in their own city. Going means saying yes to new opportunities – a job or position, a short term mission trip, white water rafting, a new Vietnamese restaurant, deep sea fishing, playing tennis for the first time.

8) TRY THINGS

Trying is like exploring but can be done much closer to home. It is less about geography and more about experiences. Try a new recipe for dinner every week or two, maybe something Indian or Vietnamese or otherwise outside your normal palate. Try conversing with neighbors you’ve waved to but never engaged. Try listening to a new band or reading a new genre of books. Try a new hobby. Commit to it; don’t just test it out once. Try until you learn or have an experience to record.

9) READ

Books are a universe unto themselves. They transport readers to different times and places, to worlds that exist only in an imagination, to the life of another person altogether, to concepts and ideas. Books are information and stories and inspiration and instruction. I am preaching to the choir here since you, dear reader, are a reader. But I simply do not understand people who do not read (or listen if reading is a particular hardship). To not read is it to the mind as not eating is to the body. Try to read a few minutes a day, maybe ten or fifteen. You will find that you consume far more pages and books than you imagined possible. Don’t worry about people who write “The top fifty books I read last year” blog posts. Just compete with yourself, to improve, to absorb, to consume.

10) WHAT ELSE?

This is the one of the most important question of a curious mind. Always ask “What else is there?” It is the mental equivalent of continuing to look and listen and explore and try. It keeps the door open for further discovery. And it acknowledges that God’s creations – human or otherwise – are always more complex and amazing than we initially see. Asking “What else?” allows us to find connections between people or ideas that we might have otherwise missed. It drives us deeper. “What else?” keeps curiosity moving.

11) CONCENTRIC CIRCLES

Curiosity as a concept is overwhelming because it can point any direction and start seemingly anywhere. If someone is trying to develop curious habits the best place to do so is close to home. The best thing to do is to apply the previous habits in your own life, relationships, home, and family and then work outward. You will find two significant benefits from this pattern. First is that it is more manageable and fits inside the life you already lead. You don’t have to dramatically change everything. The second major benefit is that it will bring growth and vibrancy to your world. You cannot change the other side of the world by becoming curious about it, but you can change the world of your family and friends and co-workers.

12) ALWAYS RETURN TO SCRIPTURE

Curiosity is about God and for God. It is an expression of worship and it honors Him by exploring the depths and breadth of His creation and nature. If we are to do something that honors God then we must know Him and scripture is where He reveals Himself, where He tells what we need to know for a right and vibrant relationship with Him. For this reason scripture is where our curiosity should be directed first and most consistently, not as a book or a text or a resource but as a revelation of our Creator. We should apply every step – look, listen, record, ask, explore, try, and read – to it with rigor and constancy. Without scripture all our other curiosity is at great risk of pursuing falsehood. Scripture is our plumb line, our compass. Every discovery we make can be stacked up against it, so we must, must, return to it time and again.

As I said at the beginning, this is not a recipe for Curiosity. These are elements of curiosity, ingredients which can be mixed in various quantities with two exceptions: we must always be humble and we must always rely on Scripture. Other than those two mix and match and sequence and build.

[image error]This is an excerpt from my book The Curious Christian: How Discovering Wonder Enriches Every Part of Life. It’s available in paperback, ebook, or audiobook (read by me).

New Happy Rant: The New Nooma, Thought Crimes, and Some Quarter November

In this episode of The Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas do what they always do and wander to and fro through a variety of topics, this time all from a single video:

No Quarter November, brought to us by Doug Wilson
Wilson’s Nooma; Robby Bell would be so proud
Intellectual Neanderthals
Thought crimes against thoughts and against people
Burning things and sex robots
Some Quarter November

BONUS EPISODES

[image error]For some time now a number of listeners have supported us at Patreon. This has been invaluable in helping cover production costs, enabling us to do the occasional extra episode, and more. But it’s about time for us to do something for the supporters, so we have begun releasing short bonus episodes exclusively for Patreon supporters! If you want in on those you can sign up to support us at any amount per month that works for you, and at certain tiers you also get free signed books. Check it out.

SPONSOR

[image error]Thank you to our sponsor for this week’s episode: Dwell Bible App. Dwell is a Bible listening app that we love! If you are looking for a convenient, fresh way of spending more time in God’s word Dwell is ideal. Go to https://dwellapp.io/happyrant to get 20% off your subscription.

Get Your Coffee

[image error]WE ARE COFFEE MOGULS AGAIN. We’ve joined forces with Redbud Coffee, based out of Auburn IL, to bring you deliciously roasted and beautifully packaged coffee. Check out their variety of roasts and be sure to use the code HappyRant at checkout to get a 10% discount off your purchase.

Be sure to visit HappyRantPodcast.com where you can:

Order your Redbud coffee
Connect with Ted, Ronnie, or Barnabas to speak for your church, organization, or event
Support the podcast through our Patreon page . This helps us cover production and hosting costs so we can keep this thing rolling

To listen you can:

Subscribe in iTunes.
Listen on Google Play
Listen on Stitcher
Listen via just about any podcast app/streaming service out there
Leave us a rating in iTunes (it only takes 1 click and it really helps us).
Listen using the player below.

Episode #320

Trusting God in a “Prove It” Culture

We live in a “prove it” culture, dating back several centuries. Once upon a time the supernatural was recognized as just as real as the natural, and spiritual forces were just as valid as physical ones. In much of the world this still holds true today, but not in the West. Enlightenment thinking brought with it a mind-set that man is central, the highest life-form. The fallout of that is that god (not God) is whatever people want him or it to be. And for many, it means that God does not exist. They see the lack of empirical evidence for God to be proof that He does not exist.

The argument against God’s existence is the most extreme response to mystery. Because the biggest questions of why and how cannot be answered clearly, the assumption is that no God exists to answer them. The world has evolved to where it is, there is little purpose to our being, and when life ends it ends completely. Many atheists came to that point of view through pain and suffering. They saw no rhyme or reason for it and could not reconcile it with a good and loving God, so their conclusion was that God simply could not exist.

Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.

—Richard Dawkins

This response to the mystery of why leaves the asker no more satisfied than if there were a God he or she simply couldn’t understand. It plainly says that mystery exists because mystery exists—in this case the mystery of pain and suffering. Atheists find it satisfactory, at least to a degree, to have “eliminated” one source of mystery because it doesn’t fit their framework of the world. By their definition of “good” and in their understanding of “powerful,” a God who allows for or brings about pain cannot be a good God. Therefore He cannot exist. The end.

Such a framework that God has to fit in to will inherently limit Him. It demands that He make sense to us, and if He doesn’t, it is He who must change, not us. Most people don’t outright eliminate God; they simply diminish Him. Some view Him as lacking power—God is not omnipotent. Some view Him as distant—He kick-started the world and now lets it run on its own. This is a belief similar to Deism. While most Christians would not espouse it, for many, their lives indicate they are functional Deists. They believe in the existence of God but not His power or participation in daily life. In fact, most of us fall into this.

FORGETTING GOD

In the movie The Usual Suspects, Kevin Spacey’s character, “Verbal” Kint, says one of the great lines in recent movie history: “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” While this is true, equally as true is the ease with which we forget God exists. We go through life as lords of our own little universes, solving problems with our own abilities and strengths and depending on external circumstances or therapies to massage our moods. We forget God until we are at wit’s end, then we cry out for help. We don’t need Him at work. We don’t need Him at school. We don’t need Him anywhere. Until we do. Then we seek to summon Him from on high or wherever it is that He waits until we beckon. We live most days as if we appreciate God’s good work in making the world and are glad He went home when He was finished, kind of like the contractor who built the addition on your house.

When we aren’t forgetting God, we’re often trying to release Him from responsibility for things we don’t understand by diminishing His knowledge of events or ability to impose Himself on the choices of people. Some theologians have questioned God’s foreknowledge, His ability to know what will happen in the future; because if He has that, it must mean He has determined the future, which would take away human free will. On a more personal level we often emphasize the evil of a person or the randomness of nature when tragedy strikes, and we ignore, intentionally or otherwise, the fact that God is omnipotent and that He Himself says, “I make well-being and create calamity.”

Of course none of our frameworks for God have any actual bearing on who He is. Each simply represents a framework, a box, into which people fit God to make themselves feel better about who He is.

Ultimately, these frameworks stem from hearts that cannot abide submitting to someone else as all-powerful. To do so would mean relinquishing control of their own lives and, just as difficult, their understanding of the world. If I believe that I am the most important being in the world, I will create a system into which the world fits and that suits my sensibilities. As a finite person, I will shrink the world to fit my finitude. And that most definitely excludes an infinite God.

[image error]This is an excerpt from my book, Help My Unbelief: Why Doubt is Not the Enemy of Faith. 

New Happy Rant: Disappointing Parents and Disappointed Gen X

In this episode of The Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas do what they always do and wander to and fro through a variety of topics:

Ronnie and the Dodgers
Disappointing our parents
Rebel Ronnie and creativity
That professor lifestyle
Gen X and ladder climbing
Parents who coddle
Hurt Gen X and cranky old Men

BONUS EPISODES

[image error]For some time now a number of listeners have supported us at Patreon. This has been invaluable in helping cover production costs, enabling us to do the occasional extra episode, and more. But it’s about time for us to do something for the supporters, so we have begun releasing short bonus episodes exclusively for Patreon supporters! If you want in on those you can sign up to support us at any amount per month that works for you, and at certain tiers you also get free signed books. Check it out.

SPONSOR

[image error]Thank you to our sponsor for this week’s episode: Dwell Bible App. Dwell is a Bible listening app that we love! If you are looking for a convenient, fresh way of spending more time in God’s word Dwell is ideal. Go to https://dwellapp.io/happyrant to get 20% off your subscription.

Get Your Coffee

[image error]WE ARE COFFEE MOGULS AGAIN. We’ve joined forces with Redbud Coffee, based out of Auburn IL, to bring you deliciously roasted and beautifully packaged coffee. Check out their variety of roasts and be sure to use the code HappyRant at checkout to get a 10% discount off your purchase.

Be sure to visit HappyRantPodcast.com where you can:

Order your Redbud coffee
Connect with Ted, Ronnie, or Barnabas to speak for your church, organization, or event
Support the podcast through our Patreon page . This helps us cover production and hosting costs so we can keep this thing rolling

To listen you can:

Subscribe in iTunes.
Listen on Google Play
Listen on Stitcher
Listen via just about any podcast app/streaming service out there
Leave us a rating in iTunes (it only takes 1 click and it really helps us).
Listen using the player below.

Episode #320

How Gospel Culture Helped Me Find Happiness

I dedicated my latest book, “Hoping for Happiness,” to my church, Immanuel Nashville. In this short video our pastor, TJ Tims, reads the dedication and lets me explain how the gospel culture of our church transformed my life and led me to an understanding of happiness that allowed me to write a book about real, lasting, hopeful happiness.

 

New Happy Rant Sports: NBA Finals, Great Uniforms, and QB Landing Spots

In this episode of the Happy Rant Sports podcast Ted and Barnabas discuss a variety of topics, mostly pertaining to sports:

True Nashville guys
Boring NBA finals
The Jets are putrid
Great classic uniforms
Landing spots for struggling QBs

BONUS EPISODES

[image error]For some time now a number of listeners have supported us at Patreon. This has been invaluable in helping cover production costs, enabling us to do the occasional extra episode, and more. But it’s about time for us to do something for the supporters, so we have begun releasing short bonus episodes exclusively for Patreon supporters! If you want in on those you can sign up to support us at any amount per month that works for you, and at certain tiers you also get free signed books. Check it out.

Get Your Coffee

[image error]We’ve joined forces with Redbud Coffee, based out of Auburn IL, to bring you deliciously roasted and beautifully packaged coffee. Check out their variety of roasts and be sure to use the code HappyRant at checkout to get a 10% discount off your purchase.

Be sure to visit HappyRantPodcast.com where you can:

Order your Redbud coffee
Connect with Ted, Ronnie, or Barnabas to speak for your church, organization, or event
Support the podcast through our Patreon page . This helps us cover production and hosting costs so we can keep this thing rolling

To listen you can:

Subscribe in iTunes.
Listen on Google Play
Listen on Stitcher
Listen via just about any podcast app/streaming service out there
Leave us a rating in iTunes (it only takes 1 click and it really helps us).
Listen using the player below.

Episode #46

New Happy Rant: Aquatic Churches, Movie Genres, and Parenting Advice

In this episode of The Happy Rant Ted, Ronnie, and Barnabas do what they always do and wander to and fro through a variety of topics:

The best movie genres
Misogyny is a better topic than politics
Aquatic themed church networks
Emails correcting us
The best parenting advice we’ve received
Mansplaining to men

BONUS EPISODES

[image error]For some time now a number of listeners have supported us at Patreon. This has been invaluable in helping cover production costs, enabling us to do the occasional extra episode, and more. But it’s about time for us to do something for the supporters, so we have begun releasing short bonus episodes exclusively for Patreon supporters! If you want in on those you can sign up to support us at any amount per month that works for you, and at certain tiers you also get free signed books. Check it out.

SPONSORS

[image error]Thank you to MuskOx, a men’s apparel company that creates high quality, functional outdoor clothes to support your everyday adventures. MuskOx makes clothing that brings the outdoors into our everyday life with thoughtful design and performance features that simply make your life better. We love their gear from flannels to pullovers to t-shorts to their brand new active wear line. Visit GoMuskOx.com and use code HAPPYRANT at checkout for a 15% discount.

[image error]Thank you to our sponsor for this week’s episode: Dwell Bible App. Dwell is a Bible listening app that we love! If you are looking for a convenient, fresh way of spending more time in God’s word Dwell is ideal. Go to https://dwellapp.io/happyrant to get 20% off your subscription.

Get Your Coffee

[image error]WE ARE COFFEE MOGULS AGAIN. We’ve joined forces with Redbud Coffee, based out of Auburn IL, to bring you deliciously roasted and beautifully packaged coffee. Check out their variety of roasts and be sure to use the code HappyRant at checkout to get a 10% discount off your purchase.

Be sure to visit HappyRantPodcast.com where you can:

Order your Redbud coffee
Connect with Ted, Ronnie, or Barnabas to speak for your church, organization, or event
Support the podcast through our Patreon page . This helps us cover production and hosting costs so we can keep this thing rolling

To listen you can:

Subscribe in iTunes.
Listen on Google Play
Listen on Stitcher
Listen via just about any podcast app/streaming service out there
Leave us a rating in iTunes (it only takes 1 click and it really helps us).
Listen using the player below.

Episode #317

7 Questions to Help Pastors Connect with Their Kids

Pastors’ kids need parents more than they need pastors. They need conversations more than sermons. They need a patient listener more than stern advice. These are all nice concepts, but how exactly can pastors (and spouses) do this? Here are 7 questions you can ask to help them bridge the gap between ministry and your children.

(Note: These questions are only useful if your children feel safe being honest and vulnerable and know that you are ok being vulnerable too.)

Do you feel like you’re different than other kids your age because of what I do?

Just be blunt. Be bold to ask. You might not like the answer, but it will likely peel away a façade you might not have even known existed. This could be the precursor to conversations about identity, pressure, expectations, legalism, and a whole heap of stuff that can skew a PK’s perspective on Jesus, the church, and grace.

What kinds of expectations do you feel like people put on you because you’re a PK?

Cue venting, ranting, and possibly tears. Many PKs have pent up frustration (ranging to rage) at the competing expectations they often feel obliged to fulfill. Expecations to be, to do, to not do – they pile high and deep. By asking you are lancing an angry boil and applying a soothing salve – listening and empathy.

Do you feel like I expect anything unfair from you as a PK?

Now you get to the next layer. It is relatively easy for PKs to vent about those people. But can they do the same about you and how you hold them to an unfair standard? Or maybe you don’t hold them to an unfair standard at all but they don’t understand why their life is just different than others or why they can’t do certain things. Either way this is an opportunity to sort through some tangled, difficult, painful stuff. To do that you must be willing to humbly admit any fault.

Do you think I act the same and treat people the same at home as I do at church?

Now that you’re here, what’s a little more vulnerability? You’re now asking your kids to help you be a better parent (and pastor). They know you inside and out. They see you every day. They know when you’re full of crap. So let them call you on it. Apologize. Ask for forgiveness. And repent. You will all be better for it.

Who is Jesus to you? What does He mean to you?

Be careful with this one. Your kids know what you want to hear and will default to that. They know what they are supposed to believe and what you teach week in and week out, and they will parrot that. Don’t assume that what they say first is what they truly believe. Don’t assume they know what they believe. Prod a little. Massage the conversation. Don’t interview or cross-examine. Don’t frown or challenge. Again, just listen and understand. Don’t teach or lecture (you do that for 40 minutes every Sunday and probably a few other times too). Tell them what Jesus means to you and how He’s changed your life. Tell them about the hard times you have following Jesus. Make Jesus a God-Man worth having a relationship with, not just the subject of a sermon.

Is there anything your struggling with or having a hard time with?

Be patient. They might not ant to answer this at first. But if they have seen you admit fault and humbly ask forgiveness then it will be easier. Easier still if you’ve done this toward them. Lead with your weaknesses and create an easier context for them to be honest. Then remember that the best correction isn’t angry and doesn’t look down. It’s patient and pointing upward.

Do you want to go get ice cream? (Or play catch, or grab coffee, or see a movie, or ride bikes, or . . .)

This is really the crux of the whole deal. All the other questions will dry up if your kids don’t like you and kids like nothing more than simply being with you and doing fun stuff. Spend time doing what they love. Invite them to do what you love. Just be with them. It’s in these contexts that the best conversations start and flourish. And your kids can flourish too.

[image error]For more on the experience of pastors’ kids, the challenges they face and how pastors or church members can support them check out my book The Pastor’s Kid: What it’s Like and How to Help.