Jamie Farrell's Blog, page 16

Squeaker vs. The Silence

We’ve been spending a lot of time in the car recently. And while the kids are super travelers, they get bored sometimes too. Which leads to Squeaker being… well… Squeaker.

The other day, we were driving around DC, getting acquainted with the area and talking about things we wanted to see once we’re settled for good. Munchkin was way in the back, just watching. Buttercup had fallen asleep. And Squeaker was being remarkably quiet. Until all of a sudden, he shrieked, “Munchkin! Munchkin, answer me!”

Munchkin didn’t say anything.

“Munchkin!” Squeaker shrieked again. “Munchkin, you didn’t answer me!”

“Honey, what did you ask him?” I said.

“I ask to him answer me!” Squeaker said. “And he not answer me!”

SuperHubby and I shared a look. “Squeaker,” I said, “You have to actually ask Munchkin a question if you want him to answer you.”

“I did!” Squeaker insisted. “I ask him to answer me! Mommy, make him to answer me!”

We still have lots of car time left before we’re settled. I suspect this isn’t the last we’ll hear about Munchkin not answering Squeaker’s unanswerable questions.

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

Squeaker vs. The Bubbles

I was making breakfast while the boys were drinking their orange juice, and suddenly I heard it.

The distinctive sounds of bubbles being blown in someone’s orange juice.

Munchkin had filled the cups, and so they were pretty full, and nothing ruins a morning like having to stop cooking to mop the entire breakfast room floor, so I dropped everything and spun around. “Who did that?” I said.

The boys looked at me.

Then at each other.

Then back at me.

Munchkin pointed a finger. “It was Squeaker. Squeaker did it.”

Squeaker giggled. “No!! No, it wasn’t me! I didn’t blow bubbles in my orange juice!”

Is it just me, or was that entirely too eloquent for a three-year-old who was claiming he didn’t do it, when “it” wasn’t even named?

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

Jamie vs. The Imaginary Elevator

The Air Force Memorial – one of the places we visited to keep from going stir crazy in our hotel room

We’re on vacation now, but last week, we were in temporary base lodging. It was a hotel room with two beds, a dinky little kitchenette, and a table with three chairs. After a few days, the kids got a little stir-crazy if they were in the room too long, which meant dinner time got interesting.

Like when Squeaker decided he was bored with eating. He climbed down out of his chair and began crawling around, meowing like a cat while Munchkin egged him on and Buttercup alternately tried to grab his food and yelled, “Yay!”

“Squeaker,” I said, “sit back down and eat your food.”

He looked up at me in consternation from his position on all fours between Munchkin’s chair and the bed. “But, Mama, I’m in the elevator.”

I suddenly understood his consternation, because I was feeling it myself just then. “Just sit down and eat,” I said.

I turned my back for thirty seconds, and when I looked back at the kids, Squeaker was crawling into Munchkin’s chair. “Squeaker,” I said, “get out of your brother’s chair.”

“But, Mama, I’m a kitty cat. Meow.”

“Sit down in your own chair and eat,” I told him.

About that time, SuperHubby got back from running out to the commissary to pick up our dinner. Between the time he walked in the door and the time he’d put the groceries in the kitchenette, Squeaker was back down on the floor.

“Squeaker,” SuperHubby said, “get up in your chair and finish your dinner.”

“But, Daddy, I’m in the elevator,” Squeaker said.

SuperHubby assumed Daddy-In-Charge position. “Squeaker, get out of the elevator,” he said.

Squeaker scooted forward on all fours.

“Now,” SuperHubby said, “get up in your chair and finish your dinner.”

“Okay,” Squeaker said.

He hopped back up to the table, in his own seat, and I went in search of wine. And we all had a much nicer night after that.

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

A Year of Happy Mondays – Ten Things You’ll Be More Amused By Than I Am

I get that not everybody is into this whole Happy Monday thing. So this week, I’m stepping back from those things that make me smile, and instead sacrificing myself for your grins and chuckles. Because these ten things don’t necessarily make me smile, but I suspect they’ll give you a little laugh at my expense.

Therefore, I present to you:

TEN THINGS I HAVE EITHER STEPPED ON OR GOTTEN ON MY CEILINGS BECAUSE OF BEING A PARENT

(And no, I’m not going to tell you which I’ve stepped on and which I’ve found on my ceiling. It’s much more fun to let you guess.)

10. Legos

9. Sticky, squishy dinosaurs

8. A banana

7. Liquid iron supplement

6. I. Don’t. Know. (This is the most disturbing, by far. And yes, you still have to guess if I’ve stepped in it or found it on my ceiling.)

5. A fork

4. Goldfish

3. Toothpaste

2. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich

1. Wet Cheerios

You ready? Guess away! Which of these have I stepped in, and which have I found on my ceiling? Amuse me! The person with the most correct answers wins bragging rights.

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

Happy Friday – Post-Father’s Day Edition

SuperHubby sent me this the other day. Hope y’all enjoy! We’re off to hang with friends today.

And if you’re looking for a great summer read, remember Southern Fried Blues and Mr. Good Enough are available now! Cover reveal for The Husband Games is coming in just a couple short weeks too!

Southern Fried Blues at Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | iBooks | Google Play | Smashwords

 Mr. Good Enough at Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iBooks | Google Play

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

Jamie vs. the Root Beer

Green beer, root beer… it’s all the same, right? :-)

One of the hardships of moving is that we sometimes find things like root beers hidden in the back of SuperHubby’s beer fridge. Which means–darn it–last week, I had to drink a root beer.

(On a completely serious note, I love root beer. I may or may not have offered to trade a child for micro-brewed root beer once or twice. You can’t prove anything.)

But the unfortunate side effect of root beer is that it makes me burp.

So during our move, I discovered a root beer, and I sort of inhaled it. And then I may or may not have made the windows rattle. Which may or may not have made our boy children (and thus our girl child too) giggle hysterically, and possibly look at me with no small amount of new respect and admiration in their adoring glances. (Obviously, this isn’t normal behavior for me.)

SuperHubby just shook his head. “When they start burping contests, don’t blame me.”

“Oh, lighten up,” I told him. “It’s better than wrestling. Burping contests are hardly a contact sport.”

And then SuperHubby got the grin.

And the SuperHubby grin made me laugh, because it was obvious what he was thinking. Don’t ever underestimate boys when it comes to burping and contact sports.

“That’s going in your next book, isn’t it?” he said.

“Contact burping contests?” I said. “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

(Yeah… probably not. But I like to keep him on his toes.)

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

Jamie’s Sister vs. The Ice Cream

While I was traveling from Alabama to DC with my younger two, we had this one night after dinner:

Squeaker, Buttercup, and I shared it, and Squeaker demanded his own spoon. But the ice cream was so thick, every time he reached in for a bite, the plastic spoon bent precariously. And I started thinking we were due for a repeat of the Great White Eye incident of ’88.

Back in ’88, I was a young’un. So was my sister. And our cousins, whom we totally adored. They lived 3 hours away, so when they all came to visit, it was a Very Big Deal. They came to town one weekend that summer, and our parents took us to Dairy Queen. Then they left us alone in a booth, where my sister and I proceeded to poke at each other and make fun of each other in front of our cousins, because apparently we thought that made us cool.

And then my sister decided she’d had enough, and that she would fling a spoonful of ice cream at me.

She scooped up a big ol’ spoonful, flipped it in perfect flinging position, pulled the tip back, and I sat there, thinking, “There’s no way she’s actually going to let that go.”

Except she did.

She let go, and because of the position of the spoon and the flexibility of the plastic and a bajillion other physics factors that I was too young to understand, the ice cream mis-fired off the spoon.

And ended up right in her eye.

I’m talking smack-dab in the middle of her eye, perfectly covering it as though that ice cream had been spooned out of the cup in the exact dimensions of her eyeball.

I don’t remember if she cried or laughed. I just remember shrieking, “She gave herself a white eye! She gave herself a white eye!” and laughing uncontrollably.

The moral of the story: Don’t fling ice cream.

(And I probably shouldn’t have told this before going to visit her for a few weeks, but I just couldn’t help myself.)

Have a wonderful day!

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

Squeaker and Munchkin Attempt Stand-Up Comedy

We got out to breakfast sometimes on the weekends, and recently, we made one such trip. It was all of seven minutes from our house to iHop, during which Munchkin and Squeaker decided to launch a career in stand-up comedy.

It started when we passed a Chick Fil A billboard. Munchkin improvised a song. “Cow, cow, cow… CHIIIICKENNNNN!”

Squeaker joined in. “Chicken… Chick-ck-ck-KEN! Cooo-ooowww!”

This went on.

And on.

And on.

For a whole city block. (It felt longer, for the record.)

The boys paused for a breath, and Buttercup clapped, then added an enthusiastic, “Yay!” for good measure.

(She’s so adorable.)

SuperHubby and I chuckled softly, at which point Munchkin remembered that we were going somewhere. “Hey, guys?” he said. “Where are we going?”

“To breakfast, Munchkin!” Squeaker said. (He’s three. This slayed me.)

“I know that, Squeaker,” Munchkin huffed. “Where are we going to breakfast? Are we going to Moe’s for breakfast?”

SuperHubby and I both answered. “No.”

“Five Guys?”

“No!”

“Where?”

“To breakfast, Munchkin!” Squeaker said again.

“Oh! Oh!” Munchkin said. “I know! We’re going to Cici’s Pizza for breakfast!”

About that time, we pulled into the IHOP parking lot. “Oooh, Squeaker,” Munchkin said, “did you see all that deliciousness in the window?”

And it was delicious, and other than me forgetting both a bib and a sippy cup for Buttercup, all was well.

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

And if you really want to make an author’s day, go check out Southern Fried Blues and Mr. Good Enough, and make sure you’re signed up for my newsletter so you can get the inside scoop about The Husband Games!

A Year of Happy Mondays – Buttercup, Squeaker, and Two Cats in a Hotel Edition

Moving lends itself to interesting adventures. Last week, SuperHubby and Munchkin stayed in Alabama to finish packing and cleaning our house there while Squeaker, Buttercup, and the two cats and I headed up toward DC. In the first two nights on the road, my children (mostly Buttercup) did a lot of things that I suspect will entertain you.

So, this week’s top ten smiles are about everything Buttercup and Squeaker did within a span of approximately 30 hours of travel time. Enjoy!

10. When I stepped into the bathroom, Buttercup found the cats’ food and put it all, piece by piece, into the cats’ water bowl.

9. We carry a step stool when we travel so Squeaker can reach the bathroom sinks. Buttercup found it and used it to set the hotel alarm.

8. Then Buttercup used the step stool to call the front desk. (I finally figured out I should disconnect the phones from the jack.)

7. Then Buttercup used the step stool (are you sensing a theme?) to steal the TV remote and turn the TV language to German. (Okay, not really. But only because I caught her too quickly.)

6. Every time the hotel air conditioner kicked on, Squeaker pointed at it and growled, “Snap out of it!” (I swear I heard him say it once or twice in his sleep too.)

5. At our second hotel, I wised up and left the step stool in the car. So Buttercup improvised with the cat carrier and used it to climb up on things instead.

4. Squeaker decided he liked jumping in Buttercup’s pack-n-play.

3. Buttercup decided the toilet was a fun new toy to play in.

2. Buttercup discovered the thrill of playing with the thermostat on the air conditioner. (Which I discovered the next day. No wonder it was so warm!)

1. And, while not something my children did… I decided the hotel parking lot needed some freshening up, so I dumped an entire box of kitchen contents all over it so that my vanilla would spill and provide some nice scents in the hot Georgia heat. (For the record, the cat litter wasn’t in the box of kitchen stuff. And neither was the step stool.)

(Special thanks to Kelsey Browning and her son, Smarty Boy, for arriving to join us for dinner shortly after this happened and helping us cart all our stuff into the hotel room. And yay for us driving past friends who could make it to dinner with us!)

And that was just the first two days of travel. Have I mentioned we’re living in hotel rooms for the next two weeks still? Stay tuned, y’all… the fun is just starting. Happy Monday!

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.

Friday Funnies – A Southern Specialty

Before we moved, SuperHubby and I got a sitter for the kids so we could go to a minor league ball game.

I loved Montgomery’s baseball team. They’re the Biscuits. Seriously. You don’t get more Southern than that.

And last week, while we were sitting there watching the game, a lady behind us was cheering really loudly. She was seriously into the game. The Biscuits were down, and she wanted them to get back up. So when the Biscuits were up to bat next, she hollered, “C’mon, Biscuits! Put some gravy on it!”

Best. Cheer. Ever. And I miss the deep South already.

In the month of June, my family and I are moving! But I love you guys, so I’m giving away a surprise to one blog commenter. I don’t know what it will be (yet), but it will be fun, and it could be anything! (I’m thinking it might be related to THE HUSBAND GAMES.) Want to enter? Just comment on any blog that I post in the month of June. The more blogs you comment on, the more chances you have to win! Limit one entry per post, though feel free to comment as much as you wish! Full contest and giveaway rules here.