Nik Nicholson's Blog, page 19

How Based in Reality Is Your Fictional Setting?

Writing Question: When establishing settings for your story, do you use real cities or do you make up your own? When using real cities, do you use the names of real streets, stores and other businesses? If you make up your own, how based on reality is your fictional town?  Some one asked in a writing group I’m in.

This is such a great question.

I’m writing historical fiction. For my first book, Descendants of Hagar, I created a town in Georgia, called Zion.  Zion is based on three years of research into small black towns.  I researched building materials, terrain, farming, political and economical conditions.  I also read what dialects existed throughout the south.  I looked up what major events would have influenced the window of time I chose.  Then I combined everything I knew to build the perfect setting for my story.  This next historical novel is based in New York.

Due to being a finalist for a writing award I had an opportunity to visit New York.  I was overwhelmed by the fact that about 85% of the buildings and streets in existence during the early 1900’s are still in use, they’ve simply been repurposed.

My time in New York was limited, as a result, I didn’t get to establish a firm grasp of the area I’m writing about. Fortunately, visiting informed my research and helped me determine where I wanted to visit when I get research funding.

I’ve been studying maps and photo’s of early Harlem.  I’m researching housing, clubs, organizations, restaurants, churches and grocery stores my character would have frequented.  On my next trip to Harlem, I plan to walk the area my story is centered in.  I want to know how far a walk to the grocery store or train station would have been from her flat. I want to know what housing was available.  What places would she have passed and what kind of people lived between destinations.  So, I’m also researching class and other factors that would have determined how the city was broken up among blacks.

On top of that, I want to consider what scenery she might have seen. She wasn’t born and raised in New York. So the way a new comer from a small town would perceive city living is different from someone who grew up in the same city. I’m looking forward to exploring the different nuances her perspective will shed light on.

Filed under: Daughter of Zion, Research Tagged: a writing life, african american history, daughter of zion, Descendants of Hagar, early 1900's, focus, Harlem, Harlem Renaissance, historical fiction, inspiration, Negro, New Negro, nik nicholson, novel, plotting, Research, writing

NanoWrimo

Nanowrimo, National Novel Writing Month has been happening in November since 1999.  It has grown so big, November has become the international novel writing month. This is my first year participating.

I’ve written a little over 33,000 words of the 50,000 goal this month with five days to go.  I started the process to enjoy the comradery of writing with other writers not necessarily to reach the goal.  I had several reservations about the quality of a book written in a month.  Still I joined, and began to write.

I’m grateful I’m doing Nano, because I learned a lot in the process.  One, I am way too critical while writing the first draft.  I don’t think 50k is enough for a novel, that’s like a novella.  So you are basically writing like a detailed outline to get it out… I’m getting it out.  I’m moving through scenes like nobody’s business.  When you are pressed for time Ego doesn’t have an opportunity to be critical, judgmental and basically slow you down.  Ego even blocks or completely stops people from completing projects.  I don’t have time not to be sure of my words…  More importantly, and this is something I have to remind myself of whenever I am encountering Ego, I can edit when I’m done.  So STFU Ego.

One of the wonderful things about just getting it out is the layering.  I actually write everything straight out then go back and organize it into dialog.  In the re-reading I’m adding words.  Sometimes a chapter at first is around 800 words.  After I go back and really live through the characters I’m usually ending around 1800 per chapter and some days I write two chapters.  I haven’t been writing consistently.  So I am required to write more whenever I do show up at the laptop.  Which is cool, it means I can’t mess around…

Which brings me to my next thought, I’ve also noticed who supports my goals.  Which equates to who supports me.  I told everyone I’m going to do my best to complete 50,000 words this month.  Still people planned things for  me in November and took it personal when I declined.  Some of them were successful in making me feel guilty which made me consider my boundaries all over my life.  Then the day to day of working and doing all the things required to be a functioning adult like making lunches, dinner, doing laundry, paying bills, getting grocery and maintaining relationships.  I can’t sit on the phone and talk all day.  I can’t text all day.  I’m in my head writing and working out scenes so that when I sit down I can get them out.  I was really hurt when I noticed people I love basically saying, let me interrupt your goals so you can listen to my day because completing a novel is not a real goal.

I sound whiny, but they’ve literally said things like, “well, you don’t really have to write today, do you?”  “What is the point of you writing every day, even I take days off from my job, and this writing doesn’t even pay?”  I actually don’t write every day.  And I actually do earn royalties.  On top of that, I wrote before I published.  Getting royalties is a bonus not a motivator or a requirement for me to write.  Why do I have to validate how I spend my time based on monetary gain?  Writing for me is a spiritual thing, it helps me get out of my own junk and makes me a better human being.  But even if it didn’t why can’t the people I love support my goals simply because they are important to me?  Do they not value me?  This is a heart breaking question I’ve been contemplating…  I can’t think about it too much though, I’ve got to write.

Another thing Nano has done is allowed me not to take it personal and to help me assert myself.  I don’t even have time to tell my loved ones how they are assholes for not supporting my goals.  One, I’ve got to write.  Two I have friends doing Nano, who ask me what I’ve written and keep me posted on their writing. In addition to this and the biggest part is, Nano introduces you to an entire group  of writers.  There are “Write-In’s” all over my city and your city, too.  If you go sign up on their site, they’ll give you a list of writers and events in your neighborhood.

About my city and the writing events.  I actually joined Nano after noticing that several libraries and coffee shops were hosting writing meetings.  I mean people actually meeting just to write is not common.  Every other group I know is about critiquing work, sharing work as a motivation to produce work or looking for readers to do writer peer editing.  I didn’t know any groups just writing.  The funniest thing is, my life hasn’t allowed me to get to any of those writing meetings that were the motivation for me joining Nano.  Lately, I’ve been telling myself, I am going to go to a “write-in” before the month ends.  Now I am forgiving myself that I probably won’t make one… Because the goal isn’t even to write with other people but to just write.  The write-ins are support for your writing in an otherwise hostile, not writer friendly society. LOL! Turns out there may be a lot of assholes out there trying to keep their writer friends from ever completing a book.

I must admit, I have written with friends in online setting.  We literally check in and then go work on our respective projects.  I hadn’t planned to finished but then something hit me and I’ve been pushing right along.  Going forward, whenever finishing a project I’ve learned the importance of deadlines to just finish a rough draft. I also know who doesn’t care about me reaching my personal goals and I can deal with that accordingly.

This is a lot of words I could have put in my novel, but I wanted to get this off my chest.  I’m looking forward to having a very productive writing day.  I’m looking forward to writing the bulk of what’s left if not finishing in the next two days. Good luck to all the other writers getting their Nano on! Write On!!!

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: 000 Words In A Month, 50, a writing life, Book In A Month, contest, daughter of zion, focus, manuscript, monetary awards, NanoWrimo, nik nicholson, novel, plotting, writing journey

Editing Poems vs. Altering Poems

I’ve been contemplating whether I should edit my poetry outside of the vibration, emotional and spiritual spaces they are written in.  I’m contemplating how to edit a poem without altering it’s essence.

I wonder if I give my poems more clarity when “correcting” or editing them.  Aside from adding a word that I may have missed in the stream of consciousness I was writing in… do I actually make it more “correct” and more comprehensible?  Or when I’m editing am I just altering the vibe?  I feel I’ve ruined some poems that didn’t need my ego to strip them of their truth,  humanity and real beauty… to fit into whatever I believe is acceptable poetry… or so that I don’t feel I’ve betrayed myself by being too vulnerable and maybe giving too much of myself away.

I’ve changed poems to protect lovers from how I feel, how I see them and to protect our privacy… but why write a beautiful poem stripped of the lessons learned from my actual life to hide from the few who would even know who we are and what they are reading?

I don’t spare myself in writing.  I really can’t spare myself and grow.  When I write I come to be better and know better… and hopefully to not only have the wisdom to make better choices but find the courage.  So I admit when I’ve made a poor choice, feel selfish or caused harm.  I think admitting that I’ve made a mistake is how I remain open spiritually and creatively.  Which has made me a better friend, lover, artist and an overall better person.  I don’t spare myself in poems because poetry is how I do my spiritual work.  I don’t paint myself a hero, a victim, a villain or a damsel in distress.  I also think that accepting either of these roles as a condition would limit me from reaching my full potential…

In fact, I am so honest about myself I once had a lover say, she didn’t feel she needed to grow or change based on my poetry… Through my poetry, she saw herself as perfect… or that I didn’t find flaw with her… Because I lied about who she was, by omitting any challenges I had with her in my poetry.  Then, I hadn’t learned that it isn’t kind to protect people from our truth and maybe their truth.  How we see people isn’t always their truth… in love though, we each get an opportunity to see ourselves through different eyes.

Then, I was younger, I also think my thought process then was not to focus on the negative and to accept people as who they are.  I still think that acceptance is real love, but there is a fine line between accepting who people are and accepting how they treat you and how you feel as a result of that treatment.  It’s also hard to remain objective when we’re overwhelmed with hurt, disappointment, guilt or shame so that we can tell the difference between what we feel is happening in contrast to what is factually happening.  Feelings are usually rooted in a past experience and can undermine experiencing what is happening in the moment.  Our past lessons help us build, but they can also be destructive… There is thin line there… There is a thin line between standing up for ourselves, communicating how we are to be treated and trying to change people… I’m usually writing about the thin lines between… I’m usually trying to decipher what battles to fight.  I’ve always been, and still am focused on the big picture.  Also, when I decide to be in love with someone I also decide to always see the best in them.  Which means, I don’t ever see their intentions as harmful, so it’s hard when their behavior actually is harmful and I miss it.

Even then, I am always trying to find the balance, weighing things against my own actions towards myself.  Certainly I’ve made choices that haven’t served me.  I’ve definitely made choices that were against my internal spiritual knowing and even sometimes against spiritual warnings that have hurt me.  I’ve had to forgive myself for those choices.  Even now, I still on occasion go against myself… Sometimes I don’t know if it’s really my spirit speaking or fear or ego or the programming that tells me I cannot do things, or that I should not do things. That is my battle to know when it is actually my spirit speaking and to have the discipline and courage to heed it.  So I am always in a place of accepting the choices I’ve made that don’t serve my greatest good and forgiving myself… Knowing that, I am also forgiving of others who make choices that harm me, because I know it is not my intent to harm me, and if I know someone loves me I also believe it is not their intent to harm me…  Intentions don’t always translate into actions and words as often as emotions and impulse does.  So in love I want to give the benefit of doubt.  In poems I want to give the benefit of doubt… but sometimes impulse, ego, emotion or processing the current moment from the past nominates me as my own warrior, savior, or makes me a victim or villain…  All of that is important to write and be… All of it is human.  All of it allows me an opportunity to examine

But there is another thin line… Knowing someone does not have the intent to harm and deciding they are too destructive and you may have to let go to save yourself…  There is also another thin line, accepting that we are our own advocates/saviors while not in the same breath seeing ourselves as God.  There is a fine line between accepting our divinity and not feeling we are THE DIVINE.

So my poems are streams of consciousness written as I process feelings, actions, conversations and inaction.  When I edit, I want to leave the lessons or emotions or thought process in tact without judging whether it is wrong or right in tact.  Especially because, sometimes I return to a poem when I’ve learned better and I don’t want to edit it to show the lesson I’ve learned, that was missing when it was originally missing.  I want to leave in tact the process of learning and deciphering.  Actually, now that I’m writing and processing all this… I think I will also write another poem in the space of realizing what I’ve learned when I feel like I might be altering the original work.  I’m going to try and be conscious of the shift from editing, correcting for better comprehension to altering and changing the essence.

I’ve appreciated this opportunity to process. Thank you for being here to witness it… Love Love Love

 

Filed under: Editing, publishing, random, Self Reflection, Spiritual/ Religious Tagged: a writing life, author, editing, god, inspiration, Love, meditation, patience, spirit, writers, writing

Writer Blues

I know that rejection is a part of being a new writer.  Rejection is also a huge part of exploring

ways to make money writing.  I apply to so many things, it’s easy to… I wouldn’t say forget… but not to anticipate a response while still remaining hopeful.  You have to think about the benefits of winning or being funded for the motivation to even apply or subject yourself to someone else’s judgment.

Lately, I’ve not been chosen for grants and lost a competition.  I’m sad.  I don’t write to win competitions or grants, but when I enter my writing into something I hope it will be successful based on the standards of those judges.  I hope each book will at least pay for the next one.

I don’t know. I’m a little discouraged and hurt.  I love writing, but I also love spending time with people I love, spiritual experiences, travelling, dining out and experiencing new things… Between writing, working and just doing all the routine survival things required I don’t have the energy to actually live.   I wish I made more or at least owned more of my time. I wish writing would free me from working a nine to five.

It will one day.  I just wish it was today.

 

Filed under: publishing, self publishing, Self Reflection Tagged: a writing life, contest, monetary awards, publishing, writing contest, writing journey

Good Morning

Filed under: Uncategorized

About World Hunger

Driving home today, as soon as I pulled off the freeway I started to take in these beautiful arrangements of flowers on each of the islands separating traffic. I’m not talking one or two, but it’s like a dozen between my house and the freeway… And I’m only talking about along the path I drive. There are tons of amazing gardens separating traffic all over the city. Then there are all these amazing gardens all over the three college campuses near my neighborhood. The city pays for the maintenance on the majority of these meticulous lawns and colorful gardens.

Then I passed the park and as amazing as those island gardens were, the park put them to shame. Once I turned into the neighborhood leading to my house, I started to notice these beautiful old trees baring red leaves for the fall surrounded by these amazing flower gardens.

Then it hit me, what if instead of seeing all the beautiful flowers growing, it was vegetables and fruit along the side of the road. Instead of trees just giving shade to students during spring and summer, wouldn’t it be cool if those trees bore fruit they could snack on while studying?

Parks are public spaces. Wouldn’t it be cool to have vegetable gardens and fruit growing in all the places in the park there are now flowers. Wouldn’t edible plants serve a dual purpose? Not only would vegetables and fruit be beautiful, it could feed the public.

I started to get overwhelmed with this thought. Each street I turned down getting closer to my house, where I barely cut the grass but still grow mint and basil in pots, I saw potential to lower food cost and make it more available. As leaves fell in beautiful tree-lined streets, I wondered, “‪What if instead of leaves falling, they were apples, pecans and oranges… what if grapevines were winding their way up the side of our homes? What if the displays in front of our homes were arrays of different peppers, spices and tomatoes?”

Just a thought, I wanted to share.

Love Love Love

Filed under: random

Call for Submissions: ‘Fashionably Late: Stories from Gay, Bi, and Trans Men Who Came Out Later in Life

Eldredge Books is now accepting submissions for Fashionably Late, a collection of personal narratives by gay, bisexual, and transgender men who came out well into adulthood. The collection will offer an insightful look into the triumphs and struggles of coming out as gay, bi, or trans after years of living with an affected straight or cisgendered identity. The goal of this collection is twofold: to shed light on a large yet largely overlooked segment of the LGBTQ community, and to comfort older men who are coming out of the closet with stories that show they are not alone. Submissions are open to all gay, bi, and trans men who identify as late bloomers (this typically refers to men who came out after their mid-twenties). All stories must be true and the original work of the author himself.

We are seeking a wide variety of topics related to coming out late, written by a wide variety of men. Topics of interest include (but are not limited to) the following:

• Accepting yourself as “other”

• Dealing with the loss or change of longstanding friends and family relationships

• Reconciling your religious beliefs with your gender/sexual identity

• Reconciling your cultural identity with your gender/sexual identity

• Coming out as a transgender man

• Coming out to your spouse and children

• Coming out to your grandchildren

• Coping with divorce

• Navigating a mixed-orientation marriage when divorce is not an option

• Integrating with the LGBTQ community after years of being an outsider

• Entering the dating scene

• Letting go of false identities

• First same-sex sexual experiences

• Overcoming shame

• Mistakes you made coming out (and what you’d do differently) The submission deadline is January 31, 2015.

 

Filed under: Anthology, Call for Submissions Tagged: anthology, call for submissions, coming out, LGBTQ, writer, writing opportunities

Call for Submissions: Skin to Skin

Skin to Skin is a coffee table magazine for women of the LGBTQ community. The publication mixes poetry, prose, essays, and fiction/nonfiction with the artistry of the female art form. It is a platform that promotes unity, freedom of expression and the sharing of ideas. Submissions are now open for Issue 07 until December 1, 2014. Poetry: You may send up to 4 pieces in one Word document. Prose/Essays/Fiction/Non-Fiction: No more than 2 prose / essays; not exceeding 2000 words. Illustrations, Artwork, and Photographs: You may send up to 5 art pieces in black-and-white and/or color format. Please include captions or brief descriptions. All forms of art welcomed. Visit here for more information on submitting your work.

 

Filed under: Anthology, Call for Submissions, publishing

Black Confederate Soldier

Recently, I came across this picture of a black Confederate soldier.  I’ve been reading extensively about the Civil War, Reconstruction, The Harlem Renaissance, Women’s Suffrage, The Industrial Revolution, The Great Migration and Jim Crow.  This is the first I’ve heard of black soldiers fighting in the Confederate army.

I tried to force myself to put this research off and do the research relevant to my novel. I explained to myself, that I had books due back at the library in a couple days.  I noted the books have already been checked out as many times as I’m allowed.  I needed to focus on completing them and my notes.  Still I couldn’t just walk away from this picture.  Even though I’m sure I can’t use any of this information in my novel, I think.  I started to fall down the research hole and decided to surrender.

After about thirty minutes of research through Google, I found a few links.  I’m going to post them here and come back to this.

 

1. http://www.genealogyforum.com/gfaol/resource/Military/BlackConfederates.htm

2. http://scienceblogs.com/clock/2007/04/03/the-confederate-black-soldiers/

3. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2798741/buried-fluttering-confederate-flag-daughter-black-slave-fought-southern-forces-civil-war-buried-150-years-father-went-war.html

4. http://www.vahistorical.org/collections-and-resources/virginia-history-explorer/american-turning-point-civil-war-virginia-1/how

I’ve read so many perspectives I don’t know what the truth is. I know from research there were laws barring blacks from being armed. I also know there was a huge fear of slave uprisings. On the other hand, there were blacks who owned slaves. Also, slaves didn’t have rights, so it isn’t impossible to believe that they were forced to support the war in some way even if they weren’t actually fighting or considered soldiers. I have also read several sites that note, after the Confederate South saw how successful blacks were fighting for the Union, they did change laws to force blacks into their army.  However The South lost the war and it ended shortly after they made this change, so black men were never actually recruited and didn’t actually see combat. This last point about whether black men actually saw combat is debatable depending on what site I’ve read.

In the research, I was surprised that black women also went to war as cooks and other supportive services. I know that black femininity is often dismissed, but I’m always surprised when I find new examples.

Looking for information about black Confederate soldiers I found  more pictures of black men in Confederate uniforms, so I decided to share them. I’d love any information on this subject. I’m totally intrigued.

Filed under: Daughter of Zion, random, Research Tagged: african american history, black confederate soldier, black history, civil war, daughter of zion, early 1900's, Research

I Wouldn’t Say Confident, I’d Say Forgiving

Today a woman said she’d been waiting for an opportunity to tell me how much she admired my confidence.  This shocked me because I struggle with my weight and self esteem issues.  I recently decided to stop hiding from the eye of loved ones’ cameras. I’m sure there are other vulnerabilities, but in this age of recording every moment of life with cell phones, I feel most often the vulnerability of allowing others to take my picture.

I love selfies, because I feel in control of how people perceive me.  Even though I’m aware that we cannot control people’s perception of us, it’s only recently that I gave up this battle. LOL!   As a result, it looks like I actually have friends.  Also, I get opportunities to see myself through others’ eyes.  Thankfully, I’m not completely disgusted.  In fact, I’m enjoying reliving moments through pictures even when I look crazy because it isn’t about how anyone looks.  I feel embraced when I see myself and friends laughing or grinning at a camera glad to be alive and in each other’s company.  Before, I felt distant from my own life events when I looked at  pictures I attended but didn’t take any photos.  Now I’m right clicking, saving and keeping memories for my own records.  Like we were here!

I’m also finding myself beautiful these days.  This is a huge deal, because I’m not slim, blonde, white or tall and my hair is nappy.  Over the past few years I’ve been accepting that each body is a miracle, to be loved and appreciated like oak trees, oceans and summer rain.  I still want to be tall.

I love this because I’m a Leo.

The discussions I’m having about myself and other bodies are more loving.  I see beauty everywhere. I don’t know when exactly, but a few years ago I decided to start forgiving others.  In forgiving others, I found I was really angry with myself.  The gentler I am with others, the more accepting and gentle I am of myself.  It feels like forgiving myself is going to be one of my life’s works, I’ve made a lot of bad decisions.  Still, forgiveness has been the beginning of freedom.

One way I’m free, I don’t hold grudges so my energy is free to focus on the things that are important to me.  Another way forgiveness has been freedom, I’m no longer anchored at blaming myself or others, I’m free to see people as human beings navigating through life the best they know how and making mistakes.  I can relate to making mistakes.  I can relate to making decisions that seemed best at the time based on the information I had, impulse, fear or out of pure desperation, that in the end were harmful.  I have certainly harmed myself through choices.  Accepting that fact, I have to choose to either love me unconditionally or hate myself.  Every time I choose me, I am able to see clearer.

Forgiveness has also allowed me not to be clouded by anger.  I am able to see who and what is good for my life without the condition of expecting perfection.  It also freed me to follow my spirit so my actions to distance myself from some people doesn’t need to be validated.  It allows me to be loving while respecting my own boundaries and journey.

It also helped me to see most people are honest and unfortunately wounded.  Knowing people who don’t work at being better people but at being better deceivers are a minority allowed to grant people a trust without self abandonment, or self doubt.  Also, forgiving myself has allowed me to trust myself, my spirit and my ability to make choices.  Which allows me to remain open and hopeful.  I’m an only child, whose extended family is dysfunctional and disconnected.  In forgiving them for not being what I think a family should be, I’m free to build my own family. I’m building my own family.

Another really important way forgiveness freed me, was it allowed me to forgive people for weighing me down with their disappointment.  I was able to forgive people for their perceptions, expectations and lack of responsibility for their own happiness.  I was able to realize I couldn’t make anyone else happy and frankly that wasn’t my job.  I forgave myself for being selfish, because that realization felt selfish and dismissive of everyone I loved.

Then I was free to ask myself, what I think should be one of the first questions a spirit in this realm should ask themselves:  “What will make me happy right now?”

In 2009 when my grandmother transitioned, it was the first time I realized I didn’t want to just live comfortable.  It was the first time I asked myself “what will make me happy.”  I was very unhappy and mostly because I was taking life for granted.  The passing of my grandmother showed me that I could go anywhere I wanted and do whatever I wanted.  All I had to do was pick a direction. That’s freedom.

I love creating. I love being viewed as an artist.  I love being viewed as a writer.  I love poetry and performing poems.  I’ve not found any other feeling I enjoy as much as relating to an entire room of people in five minutes or less.  Or the moments after a poetry reading when people come find you to tell you how a poem moved them and then share their story.  It makes me happy to relate. It makes me happy to write more, draw more, share more and love more. I’m compelled to be this way.

So when the woman, came to tell me how she just couldn’t imagine putting her work out where people might judge it.  Or how she felt that I was so confident because I created and shared without fear, I thought about how interesting it is that we can’t control people’s perspective.  I thought about how even though her perception was positive I guess, I couldn’t disagree more.  Until she mentioned it, I honestly hadn’t considered that people might reject my work.  When I sit to write, plot, draw or paint I don’t even consider how my work will be received.

Recently, I’ve been working on a poetry book and a historical novel.  On the poetry book, I’m trying to share what I’ve learned about life, love and writing. I won’t release it until it feels right in my spirit. With the novel, I’m focused on each step in the process of just finishing the first draft.  I’m concerned about doing adequate research for a time period so heavily documented and keeping accurate notes.  I also want to weave a story that interest me.  I’m also praying over finding the balance between telling a well written fiction in a historical context.  I’m finding it particularly challenging to forgive myself for including only facts that move the story along, while omitting major events. I’m seeking peace to move through that… I don’t feel confident at all.  I am trying to be present and pay attention to cues and when there are no cues praying for spiritual cues.

Anyway, I actually came to blog a couple lines about someone thinking I was confident.  I decided recently I would attempt to blog more.  I hadn’t really processed earlier or so I thought, but I have been thinking about it ever since she said I was confident.  There was so much to say and so little time.  Here I am a thousand words in or something… Forgiving myself for blogging this long when I should be working on my novel. :)

Love Love Love

Filed under: random, Self Reflection, Spiritual/ Religious Tagged: artist, confidence, evolving, new writers, publishing, self reflection, spirit, writing