Bart King's Blog, page 276

Prepare Yourself for ACTING!

Zappa's Zinger

Joe Pine (aka, Joy Pyne) was a guy with a TV show who enjoyed mocking his guests. (If you wonder why anyone went on his show, some people will do anything to get on TV!)

Pine had lost one of his legs, and so he wore a prosthetic one. And when musician Frank Zappa came on his show, Pine said, "Well, I guess that long hair makes you a girl."

Zappa answered, "I guess that wooden leg makes you a table."

Zinger!

Zappa photo from here.

Hello, Kitty? Could You Come Cut Down That Tree Now?

From here.

Important Announcement: Your Fruit Juice Problems CAN Be Solved!

The contestants for the Oddest Book Title of the Year have been chosen! The Bookseller's Diagram Prize will be given out later this month, and here is a shortlist of eligible titles:

100 Girls on Cheap Paper

Advances in Potato Chemistry and Technology

Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter
An Intellectual History of Cannibalism
Bacon: A Love Story
Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich
Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes
Cute Yummy Time
Father Christmas Needs a Wee
Food Digestion and Thermal...

VW Sidecars: Your Time Has Come

I don't want to come across as someone who's always making fun of things. Wait— *checks notes* Strike that. Actually I do!
But I'll make an exception for this cool VW van sidecar. It makes my heart go pitter-pat... which is almost the same sound that a VW van makes!

I Insist That All My Foods Have a High I.Q.

But if you think this Smart Bacon is intelligent, you should see my ham!

But I Don't Really WANT My Book to Look Like a Cigarette Carton!

A publisher is re-issuing literary classics as small books camouflaged as cigarette cartons.
Great idea! I can read these on my flight to the land of bagpipes and penicillin.

Now THIS Is a Weird Ad

Visit Scotland, because it's the home of bagpipes and...penicillin?
Yeesh.

Soccer is the Sport of the Gods

Don't believe me? Just listen to English soccer commentator Ray Hudson.
In the second clip, Hudson is rambling along and at the 30 second mark, there's a shot of Tom Cruise in the crowd. A few moments later, Hudson gets enraged because he wonders why they're talking about Tom Cruise, the famous tennis player! ("Tom Cruise. Give me a break. If he smelled a soccer jockstrap, he'd faint dead away." Actually, I might too!)

Hope Flips

I have a niece. Her name is Hope. She has mad trampoline skills.