Stephen Kozeniewski's Blog, page 68
January 7, 2015
I Wonder if this "Homer Nixon" is any Relation
Paul McCartney's back in the news today, for the same reason he only ever seems to be back in the news lately: frothing anger that people might not know who he is.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me encapsulate what I'm going to term "The McCartney Rage Spiral" as it has happened before, happened this week, and will happen several more times before he finally dies:
a) Paul McCartney, being a legend, appears in an idiosyncratic or slightly out-of-character place, like the Teen Choice Awards, because as a legend he is welcome anywhere.
b) A few of the children (note I say "children") that the slightly out-of-character place is targeted towards, Millennials, say, or whatever the generation after Millennials is, since we haven't named it yet (may I recommend Karma Cha-millennials?) do not recognize Paul McCartney, take to Twitter or some other form of social media and ask, "Who is this old dude?"
c) A few Baby Boomers who are social media savvy (or possibly their fellow travelers from one of the younger generations) curate a list of increasingly improbable-sounding declarations of ignorance as to the identity of 50% of the remaining Beatles and report it back to the mainstream media.
d) Baby Boomers go ballistic and decry the younger generation as not only lazy and ill-mannered, but clearly stupid, too.
The last few times this happened I've commented on Facebook about how Baby Boomers need to get the fuck over themselves, but now that we've established that this is a pattern that will be happening for the rest of Sir Paul's life, I don't feel bad dedicating a blogpost to it.
So, again, to reiterate: Baby Boomers need to get the fuck over themselves. I want to point out, just for the sake of making you feel old, that the Beatles broke up in 1970. That's 45 years ago. Beatlemania was at its height 50 years ago. That's half a century. That's two and a half generations. If you think the Beatles are as pertinent as they were in 1965, you just need to get the fuck over yourself.
Your expectation, as I understand it, is that your literal grandchildren, or, if not, then the generation that would be your grandchildren, should be so thoroughly familiar with the pop culture of your era as to know the name of the bassist of your favorite band. Just as you no doubt know the name of the bassist of your grandparent's favorite band. (Hint: Count Basie? Maybe? I don't fucking know.)
"Ah," but you are no doubt saying, "But The Beatles are extremely influential and important to pop music and therefore everybody should know who they are."
Again, this would be one of those places where I would wonder, should everyone therefore recognize a picture of Benny Goodman or Louis Armstrong or Miles Davis? Would you, Strawman Baby Boomer?
For that matter, what if we flipped the script? Would you know today's analogue of Paul McCartney by sight? I'm going to level with you here: I don't even know who that would be. I would never be able to recognize him or her. Would it be one of the kids from One Direction? Selena Gomez? Miley Cyrus? Are those people even still popular?
I don't know. But I also know I wouldn't flip shit if some kid today didn't recognize Michael Jackson or Tupac Shakur or, Christ, one of the individual Spice Girls, or some other band that was popular in the '80s or '90s which, theoretically, I should feel the same way about as you do about The Beatles.
What is so freaking special about Paul McCartney that you think his visage will transcend the ages? What is it about the idea that there are a few kids, somewhere on the planet, who don't recognize him that offends you so much? I've heard some people say, "It's not about the ignorance, it's about the pride about being ignorant. They could've googled it."
Yeah, okay. Maybe they could've googled, "Who is that guy playing with Kanye?" I'm exaggerating, but you know, as wondrous as it is, the internet can only answer questions with good input. There are kids who may not have caught the name "McCartney." And there are others who just recognized him so little that they found it worth commenting about on Twitter.
A tweet, incidentally, carries about the same weight as a fart in the wind. People don't curate their tweets to even a tenth of the degree that they curate their Facebook posts. So an idle, random thought, a wondering question, this is all perfectly acceptable for Twitter as a platform. No, I don't fault kids for not knowing who Paul McCartney is, and I don't fault them for not immediately looking it up.
But I do fault Baby Boomers (and a few of their fellow travelers) for getting upset about it. I think I know why they're so upset about it, although they would never admit it. The fact that some people no longer recognize Paul McCartney means that their monolithic, decades-long death grip on pop culture is finally lessening. It means, in a word, the Boomers are getting old.
The first Boomer turned 60 in 2005. The last just turned 60 this year. As hard as they've tried to fight it, as much as they've tried to insist that only their music has value, and only their creations are relevant, the truth is that Boomer culture is in decline. The Beatles were that one thing that Boomers could always say, "At least we had The Beatles" about. And I guess they don't even have that anymore. It seems a few more people have heard of Jesus than have heard of The Beatles here in bright, beautiful new 2015.
I have some real problems with the Boomers (in case you couldn't tell) and sure, maybe it's all just Mommy/Daddy issues, but I like to think I'm cogent enough to recognize the difference between my parents and my parents' g-g-g-generation. My problem with the Baby Boomers is they've tried to cling on to relevance far, far too long. I feel like the Greatest Generations stepped aside for their kids, quietly taking all of their culture and norms and everything (perhaps with a shake of the head) to the retirement home. And the Boomers have just, quite frankly, never done that for us.
Why is The Tea Party a thing? Why did George W. Bush get elected into office? Why do Baby Boomers cling to the reins of power in government, industry, finance, everywhere? Why won't they retire? It's like they just want to stay cool and relevant and in charge for-fucking-ever. Having people whose formative years were the '60s and '70s in charge in the '80s and '90s was fine. That was progress. Having people whose formative years were the '60s and '70s in charge in 2015 is a goddamned crisis.
Kids today don't know what segregation is, formal or informal. (My mother once complimented me on my "diverse" group of friends in high school, making it very clear there was no such thing when she was a kid. Some of my friends were Korean, Jewish, and Indian. It had quite simply never occurred to me that there was another way to do business.) Why are people who grew up in the '60s (when segregation was law, miscegenation was a crime, and not getting lynched was considered progress) in charge of our modern race relations?
Every kid today has gay friends. They have no issues with homosexuality. There are quite a few kids today who have quite literally never lived in a world without gay marriage. Why are people who grew up in the '60s (when coming out of the closet was unheard of, sodomy was a crime, and homosexuality was considered a mental illness) in charge of gay rights?
Shall I go on? Gender politics? Jesus, what about technology? Do the Boomers who are upset about what people said on Twitter even know how to use Twitter? Or is ignorance only worth condemning when it applies to stuff that's important to you? Does it feel like you're getting old? Does the idea of people not knowing who Paul McCartney is drive home the point that you're no longer the golden gods who will be in charge of everything forever and you might (gasp!) someday have to step aside and let Millennial culture have a few seconds in the limelight?
Boy, this rant really went some places I wasn't expecting it to. I don't even know if it made sense. Oh well, it's not like anyone reads my blog anyway. But, yeah, I don't really see the failure of a few individuals to recognize Paul McCartney as the sign of the complete downfall of Western Civilization. In fact, it might even be a good thing. Now, if those same bastards had failed to recognize, say, John Entwistle, all bets would be off, motherfuckers.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me encapsulate what I'm going to term "The McCartney Rage Spiral" as it has happened before, happened this week, and will happen several more times before he finally dies:
a) Paul McCartney, being a legend, appears in an idiosyncratic or slightly out-of-character place, like the Teen Choice Awards, because as a legend he is welcome anywhere.
b) A few of the children (note I say "children") that the slightly out-of-character place is targeted towards, Millennials, say, or whatever the generation after Millennials is, since we haven't named it yet (may I recommend Karma Cha-millennials?) do not recognize Paul McCartney, take to Twitter or some other form of social media and ask, "Who is this old dude?"
c) A few Baby Boomers who are social media savvy (or possibly their fellow travelers from one of the younger generations) curate a list of increasingly improbable-sounding declarations of ignorance as to the identity of 50% of the remaining Beatles and report it back to the mainstream media.
d) Baby Boomers go ballistic and decry the younger generation as not only lazy and ill-mannered, but clearly stupid, too.
The last few times this happened I've commented on Facebook about how Baby Boomers need to get the fuck over themselves, but now that we've established that this is a pattern that will be happening for the rest of Sir Paul's life, I don't feel bad dedicating a blogpost to it.
So, again, to reiterate: Baby Boomers need to get the fuck over themselves. I want to point out, just for the sake of making you feel old, that the Beatles broke up in 1970. That's 45 years ago. Beatlemania was at its height 50 years ago. That's half a century. That's two and a half generations. If you think the Beatles are as pertinent as they were in 1965, you just need to get the fuck over yourself.
Your expectation, as I understand it, is that your literal grandchildren, or, if not, then the generation that would be your grandchildren, should be so thoroughly familiar with the pop culture of your era as to know the name of the bassist of your favorite band. Just as you no doubt know the name of the bassist of your grandparent's favorite band. (Hint: Count Basie? Maybe? I don't fucking know.)
"Ah," but you are no doubt saying, "But The Beatles are extremely influential and important to pop music and therefore everybody should know who they are."
Again, this would be one of those places where I would wonder, should everyone therefore recognize a picture of Benny Goodman or Louis Armstrong or Miles Davis? Would you, Strawman Baby Boomer?
For that matter, what if we flipped the script? Would you know today's analogue of Paul McCartney by sight? I'm going to level with you here: I don't even know who that would be. I would never be able to recognize him or her. Would it be one of the kids from One Direction? Selena Gomez? Miley Cyrus? Are those people even still popular?
I don't know. But I also know I wouldn't flip shit if some kid today didn't recognize Michael Jackson or Tupac Shakur or, Christ, one of the individual Spice Girls, or some other band that was popular in the '80s or '90s which, theoretically, I should feel the same way about as you do about The Beatles.
What is so freaking special about Paul McCartney that you think his visage will transcend the ages? What is it about the idea that there are a few kids, somewhere on the planet, who don't recognize him that offends you so much? I've heard some people say, "It's not about the ignorance, it's about the pride about being ignorant. They could've googled it."
Yeah, okay. Maybe they could've googled, "Who is that guy playing with Kanye?" I'm exaggerating, but you know, as wondrous as it is, the internet can only answer questions with good input. There are kids who may not have caught the name "McCartney." And there are others who just recognized him so little that they found it worth commenting about on Twitter.
A tweet, incidentally, carries about the same weight as a fart in the wind. People don't curate their tweets to even a tenth of the degree that they curate their Facebook posts. So an idle, random thought, a wondering question, this is all perfectly acceptable for Twitter as a platform. No, I don't fault kids for not knowing who Paul McCartney is, and I don't fault them for not immediately looking it up.
But I do fault Baby Boomers (and a few of their fellow travelers) for getting upset about it. I think I know why they're so upset about it, although they would never admit it. The fact that some people no longer recognize Paul McCartney means that their monolithic, decades-long death grip on pop culture is finally lessening. It means, in a word, the Boomers are getting old.
The first Boomer turned 60 in 2005. The last just turned 60 this year. As hard as they've tried to fight it, as much as they've tried to insist that only their music has value, and only their creations are relevant, the truth is that Boomer culture is in decline. The Beatles were that one thing that Boomers could always say, "At least we had The Beatles" about. And I guess they don't even have that anymore. It seems a few more people have heard of Jesus than have heard of The Beatles here in bright, beautiful new 2015.
I have some real problems with the Boomers (in case you couldn't tell) and sure, maybe it's all just Mommy/Daddy issues, but I like to think I'm cogent enough to recognize the difference between my parents and my parents' g-g-g-generation. My problem with the Baby Boomers is they've tried to cling on to relevance far, far too long. I feel like the Greatest Generations stepped aside for their kids, quietly taking all of their culture and norms and everything (perhaps with a shake of the head) to the retirement home. And the Boomers have just, quite frankly, never done that for us.
Why is The Tea Party a thing? Why did George W. Bush get elected into office? Why do Baby Boomers cling to the reins of power in government, industry, finance, everywhere? Why won't they retire? It's like they just want to stay cool and relevant and in charge for-fucking-ever. Having people whose formative years were the '60s and '70s in charge in the '80s and '90s was fine. That was progress. Having people whose formative years were the '60s and '70s in charge in 2015 is a goddamned crisis.
Kids today don't know what segregation is, formal or informal. (My mother once complimented me on my "diverse" group of friends in high school, making it very clear there was no such thing when she was a kid. Some of my friends were Korean, Jewish, and Indian. It had quite simply never occurred to me that there was another way to do business.) Why are people who grew up in the '60s (when segregation was law, miscegenation was a crime, and not getting lynched was considered progress) in charge of our modern race relations?
Every kid today has gay friends. They have no issues with homosexuality. There are quite a few kids today who have quite literally never lived in a world without gay marriage. Why are people who grew up in the '60s (when coming out of the closet was unheard of, sodomy was a crime, and homosexuality was considered a mental illness) in charge of gay rights?
Shall I go on? Gender politics? Jesus, what about technology? Do the Boomers who are upset about what people said on Twitter even know how to use Twitter? Or is ignorance only worth condemning when it applies to stuff that's important to you? Does it feel like you're getting old? Does the idea of people not knowing who Paul McCartney is drive home the point that you're no longer the golden gods who will be in charge of everything forever and you might (gasp!) someday have to step aside and let Millennial culture have a few seconds in the limelight?
Boy, this rant really went some places I wasn't expecting it to. I don't even know if it made sense. Oh well, it's not like anyone reads my blog anyway. But, yeah, I don't really see the failure of a few individuals to recognize Paul McCartney as the sign of the complete downfall of Western Civilization. In fact, it might even be a good thing. Now, if those same bastards had failed to recognize, say, John Entwistle, all bets would be off, motherfuckers.
January 5, 2015
A Lil Between the Sheets (Interview with Shawn Coleman, Arranger and Co-Composer of "Too Many Cooks")
Welcome, blogketeers! Today we have a very special treat for you: Shawn Coleman. And not just "a" Shawn Coleman, but "the" Shawn Coleman, musician extraordinaire! As the long-time sound designer, sweetener, mixer, and composer for
[adult swim]
powerhouse "Squidbillies" (or, as my wife calls it, "Squiggly-wigglies") Shawn has written such classics as "
Hoofprints
," "
Rusty's Power Ballad
," and "
The Bin Laden Boot Scoot
" (not making any of these up.) He's also voiced
Paul, the domestically challenged albino kaiju
on "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," and most recently arranged, performed, and co-composed the music for super-mega-smash infomercial "
Too Many Cooks
." Needless to say, I pooped my pants a little bit when he agreed to an interview. So let's dive right in!
The man himself
SK: Thanks for agreeing to be with us today, Shawn. What was your path from the mean streets of Pittsburgh to the sound department of "Squidbillies?"
SC: I played in rock bands as a kid but was also pretty good with academics, so I thought “why not a recording engineer?” when college time rolled around. I went to University of Miami and got a degree in Music Engineering Technology which is a bachelor's in music with a minor in electrical engineering. I also got to meet/play with/record a lot of incredible young musicians and got hip to music that I hadn't checked out as a teenager.
Shawn, animated "Squidbillies"-style, from the episode "Clowny Freaks"
SK: Which musicians inspired you coming up? Johnny Cash? Tom Waits? Aqua?
SC: I was mostly into hair rock in my formative years. This is late 80's/early 90's. I liked the technical proficiency these dudes had on their instruments plus they were pretty like a girl. Of course Nirvana came along and wrecked that whole thing. In college I got really in to Phish for a bit; they were a great gateway band to different styles and sounds since they “do it all”. I thought they were the best funk band ever, then I heard Mandrill. I thought they were the best jazz band ever, then I checked out actual jazz. I also listened to a whole lot of hip hop around this time. I wasn't too in to country until I moved to Atlanta and joined a sort-of Americana band. Now I feel like I appreciate all styles (such a cliché) except I don't really mess with pre 20th century stuff. I'm waiting to get old to like that.
Shawn with Neko Case and Kelly Hogan
SK: When we first "met" on Twitter, I recall you told me "I have my pants put on me one leg at a time, just like you." Seriously, though, what's it like being an industry power player? Do you have a Scrooge McDuck-style swimming pool full of gold coins?
SC: Well if you're getting in to audio post-production to get rich you may want to reconsider. I've been a staff engineer at Doppler Studios in Atlanta for coming up on 18 years and my gold coin swimming pool is only half finished. I do feel a certain amount of envy for hip hop and pop producers that can do the whole “I get $500,000 a track” trip. Is it because they worked 200+ hours on it the way I did on "Too Many Cooks?" I doubt it.
SK: So, let me see if I'm telling this story correctly. You and Michael Kohler sat down separately and wrote your own versions of the "Too Many Cooks" theme. Michael's version gets picked because it's the stronger one, so that makes him the composer of the piece. Then you took the initial theme and made all the changes for the "Battlestar Galactica" parody, the "Dallas" parody, etc., so that makes you the arranger. Is that about right? Can you tell us a little more about the process?
SC: Pretty much, but the style changes are extensive enough to grant me co-composer status. I re-tracked Michael's demo, programming drums and keys, playing guitar and singing both male and female parts. Then (writer/director) Casper Kelly and I worked on all of the false endings and little internal intricacies to get to the first style change (cop show). There was a lot of experimentation and trial and error to make it work. For example on the round table shot where we start adding the African-American characters I went for a joke where the music gets “blacker”. Maybe these white singers really go for it on the melisma. We ended up dialing it way back though.
Since it's one long music piece, everything has to dovetail into the next section without some weird 5/8 bar that throws you off. It was actually pretty difficult to keep everything organized and set myself up for the next style change in some pleasing way. I also did all of the sound effects and dialogue mix, so if I was starting to go crazy trying to work out some compositional moment I'd switch to doing Katie Adkins' footfalls as she's running away or some such thing.
I worked on "Cooks" off and on for a year, and frankly I probably could've poured another 2 months into it. But Adult Swim was like WE NEED THIS NEXT MONDAY and so I worked a bunch of overtime and weekends to get it wrapped up, since I was mixing "Squidbillies" at the same time.
Shawn's on-screen credit during the "G.I. Joe"-esque section of "Too Many Cooks"
SK: So, I want you to picture the moment you finished work on "Too Many Cooks." You pressed STOP or switched off the microphone or whatever. Did you think to yourself, "This is going to be a viral hit" or was it just another day at the office or what?
SC: I'm not trying to be cute or coy when I say I had no aspiration for it to be widely seen. My goal was to put something on TV that made people say “what in the actual hell”, and hopefully hop on Twitter and recount that sentiment. I joked with Casper and (editor) Paul Painter the week that it aired that next time we shouldn't name the show after a famous idiom because my twitter searches of “too many cooks” were mostly people complaining about their recent sales managers' meeting.
I was excited when it was finally posted on YouTube because I could show it to my Facebook friends that didn't bother to tape it. Then on Twitter I noticed some tastemaker blogger types starting to talk about it and share it, and then it really blew up from there. I woke up one morning and Zooey Deschanel and Billy Eichner are singing it on Instagram. Simon Pegg tweeted about it several times. Luke Skywalker tweeted about it! I mean, come on.
SK: Are you more of a Rusty or an Early?
SC: I'm definitely more of a Rusty, the pragmatic and sensitive one. But I'm a Lil between the sheets.
And a Lerm, politically, no doubt...
SK: Well, thanks for being with us today, Shawn! Do you have any parting words for your fans, or anything you'd like to say that we didn't get to with this interview?
SC: My fans?? I love you Mom & Dad, see you next Christmas.
I'm sure you will, Shawn. I'm sure you will.
If you're one of the two or three remaining people on Earth who haven't seen "Too Many Cooks," it's free to watch on YouTube or the [adult swim] website . Or, you know, in the embed above.
Season 9 of "Squidbillies" is airing in reruns on television and seasons 1-5 are available on DVD:
Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
The other seasons are probably streaming on Hula-Hoop or something. I dunno. I don't know how kids watch TV.
The man himselfSK: Thanks for agreeing to be with us today, Shawn. What was your path from the mean streets of Pittsburgh to the sound department of "Squidbillies?"
SC: I played in rock bands as a kid but was also pretty good with academics, so I thought “why not a recording engineer?” when college time rolled around. I went to University of Miami and got a degree in Music Engineering Technology which is a bachelor's in music with a minor in electrical engineering. I also got to meet/play with/record a lot of incredible young musicians and got hip to music that I hadn't checked out as a teenager.
Shawn, animated "Squidbillies"-style, from the episode "Clowny Freaks"SK: Which musicians inspired you coming up? Johnny Cash? Tom Waits? Aqua?
SC: I was mostly into hair rock in my formative years. This is late 80's/early 90's. I liked the technical proficiency these dudes had on their instruments plus they were pretty like a girl. Of course Nirvana came along and wrecked that whole thing. In college I got really in to Phish for a bit; they were a great gateway band to different styles and sounds since they “do it all”. I thought they were the best funk band ever, then I heard Mandrill. I thought they were the best jazz band ever, then I checked out actual jazz. I also listened to a whole lot of hip hop around this time. I wasn't too in to country until I moved to Atlanta and joined a sort-of Americana band. Now I feel like I appreciate all styles (such a cliché) except I don't really mess with pre 20th century stuff. I'm waiting to get old to like that.
Shawn with Neko Case and Kelly HoganSK: When we first "met" on Twitter, I recall you told me "I have my pants put on me one leg at a time, just like you." Seriously, though, what's it like being an industry power player? Do you have a Scrooge McDuck-style swimming pool full of gold coins?
SC: Well if you're getting in to audio post-production to get rich you may want to reconsider. I've been a staff engineer at Doppler Studios in Atlanta for coming up on 18 years and my gold coin swimming pool is only half finished. I do feel a certain amount of envy for hip hop and pop producers that can do the whole “I get $500,000 a track” trip. Is it because they worked 200+ hours on it the way I did on "Too Many Cooks?" I doubt it.
SK: So, let me see if I'm telling this story correctly. You and Michael Kohler sat down separately and wrote your own versions of the "Too Many Cooks" theme. Michael's version gets picked because it's the stronger one, so that makes him the composer of the piece. Then you took the initial theme and made all the changes for the "Battlestar Galactica" parody, the "Dallas" parody, etc., so that makes you the arranger. Is that about right? Can you tell us a little more about the process?
SC: Pretty much, but the style changes are extensive enough to grant me co-composer status. I re-tracked Michael's demo, programming drums and keys, playing guitar and singing both male and female parts. Then (writer/director) Casper Kelly and I worked on all of the false endings and little internal intricacies to get to the first style change (cop show). There was a lot of experimentation and trial and error to make it work. For example on the round table shot where we start adding the African-American characters I went for a joke where the music gets “blacker”. Maybe these white singers really go for it on the melisma. We ended up dialing it way back though.
Since it's one long music piece, everything has to dovetail into the next section without some weird 5/8 bar that throws you off. It was actually pretty difficult to keep everything organized and set myself up for the next style change in some pleasing way. I also did all of the sound effects and dialogue mix, so if I was starting to go crazy trying to work out some compositional moment I'd switch to doing Katie Adkins' footfalls as she's running away or some such thing.
I worked on "Cooks" off and on for a year, and frankly I probably could've poured another 2 months into it. But Adult Swim was like WE NEED THIS NEXT MONDAY and so I worked a bunch of overtime and weekends to get it wrapped up, since I was mixing "Squidbillies" at the same time.
Shawn's on-screen credit during the "G.I. Joe"-esque section of "Too Many Cooks"SK: So, I want you to picture the moment you finished work on "Too Many Cooks." You pressed STOP or switched off the microphone or whatever. Did you think to yourself, "This is going to be a viral hit" or was it just another day at the office or what?
SC: I'm not trying to be cute or coy when I say I had no aspiration for it to be widely seen. My goal was to put something on TV that made people say “what in the actual hell”, and hopefully hop on Twitter and recount that sentiment. I joked with Casper and (editor) Paul Painter the week that it aired that next time we shouldn't name the show after a famous idiom because my twitter searches of “too many cooks” were mostly people complaining about their recent sales managers' meeting.
I was excited when it was finally posted on YouTube because I could show it to my Facebook friends that didn't bother to tape it. Then on Twitter I noticed some tastemaker blogger types starting to talk about it and share it, and then it really blew up from there. I woke up one morning and Zooey Deschanel and Billy Eichner are singing it on Instagram. Simon Pegg tweeted about it several times. Luke Skywalker tweeted about it! I mean, come on.
SK: Are you more of a Rusty or an Early?
SC: I'm definitely more of a Rusty, the pragmatic and sensitive one. But I'm a Lil between the sheets.
And a Lerm, politically, no doubt...SK: Well, thanks for being with us today, Shawn! Do you have any parting words for your fans, or anything you'd like to say that we didn't get to with this interview?
SC: My fans?? I love you Mom & Dad, see you next Christmas.
I'm sure you will, Shawn. I'm sure you will.
If you're one of the two or three remaining people on Earth who haven't seen "Too Many Cooks," it's free to watch on YouTube or the [adult swim] website . Or, you know, in the embed above.
Season 9 of "Squidbillies" is airing in reruns on television and seasons 1-5 are available on DVD:
Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
The other seasons are probably streaming on Hula-Hoop or something. I dunno. I don't know how kids watch TV.
January 2, 2015
Anthology Acceptance Announcement: BRAVE NEW GIRLS
Anybody feeling ready for a bit of a departure? I'm pleased to announce that my short story, "The Keys to the Stars" has been accepted for a (get ready for this - you might want to sit down)
- Young Adult
- Science Fiction
anthology! Not my normal milieu on two counts, but are we any better than animals if we never stretch our wings? (Except for, you know, birds, which constantly stretch their wings.) I'm actually rather proud of the way my story turned out, although apparently being ten doesn't make you a "young adult" according to the genre Gestapo, so I guess my protagonist's age is getting changed somewhat.
Aaaaaaanyway, what is NOT so strange for me is that this is a charity anthology and the money it raises will be going to a good cause, which is encouraging young girls to take up careers in the STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) fields. I work for the Navy in my day job and so far the Navy and this anthology are the only two entities I've seen really pushing STEM as important to our nation's future. Which, you know, it is.
So remain glued in your chair, constantly pressing refresh on my blog for updates. The antho won't be coming out until June 15, but I could really use the blog hits.
December 31, 2014
The Top 14 Manuscripts Burn Posts of 2014
With the same joie de vivre as last year, I'm pleased to bring you...
THE TOP 14 POSTS OF 2014!
14. A Reader's Guide to Why I'm Such a Dick All the Time
13. Excerpt from WARPATH: SURVIVING THE APOCALYPSE by Shawn Chesser
12. "Why Do I Write" Blog Hop
11. Guest Post: Erica Lucke Dean, Author of SUDDENLY SORCERESS
10. Should I be Worried About an Ebola Outbreak? (An In-Depth and Unbiased Analysis by the Manuscripts Burn Staff)
9. Doctor Who vs. The Who (Guest Post by Traci Borum, Author of PAINTING THE MOON)
8. The Quintessential AT HELL'S GATES Post
7. The Trifecta Trifecta
6. She Helped! (Interview with Cassie Cox, Line Editor of BRAINEATER JONES)
5. Spotlight on MORTAL: SURVIVING THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE by Shawn Chesser
4. Why Z-Nation is Better than The Walking Dead, an Essay in Three Parts: Part One
3. The OneStop Apocalypse Shop (Guest Post by Author Derek J. Goodman)
2. Interview with The Bookie Monster, Book Reviewer Extraordinaire
1. Summer of Zombie Giveaway
THE TOP 14 POSTS OF 2014!
14. A Reader's Guide to Why I'm Such a Dick All the Time
13. Excerpt from WARPATH: SURVIVING THE APOCALYPSE by Shawn Chesser
12. "Why Do I Write" Blog Hop
11. Guest Post: Erica Lucke Dean, Author of SUDDENLY SORCERESS
10. Should I be Worried About an Ebola Outbreak? (An In-Depth and Unbiased Analysis by the Manuscripts Burn Staff)
9. Doctor Who vs. The Who (Guest Post by Traci Borum, Author of PAINTING THE MOON)
8. The Quintessential AT HELL'S GATES Post
7. The Trifecta Trifecta
6. She Helped! (Interview with Cassie Cox, Line Editor of BRAINEATER JONES)
5. Spotlight on MORTAL: SURVIVING THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE by Shawn Chesser
4. Why Z-Nation is Better than The Walking Dead, an Essay in Three Parts: Part One
3. The OneStop Apocalypse Shop (Guest Post by Author Derek J. Goodman)
2. Interview with The Bookie Monster, Book Reviewer Extraordinaire
1. Summer of Zombie Giveaway
December 29, 2014
I Don't Want to be a Big Shot. But I Do Want to be Able to Contact You.
If I was on the front page of AOL in 1997 you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had ten followers on LiveJournal in 2000, you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had a hundred subscribers to my blog in 2003, you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had a thousand friends on MySpace in 2006, you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had ten thousand friends on Facebook in 2009, you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had a hundred thousand followers on Twitter in 2012...well, you get the idea.
What'll be the sign that I'm a big shot in 2015? Who knows?
That's the thing about social media. It's ephemeral. It's constantly changing. And as potentially fun and rewarding as it can be, there's no guarantee that the effort I put into building my social media platform today will guarantee that I'll have an audience tomorrow. You could all move on in the blink of an eye.
Not to mention the very real threat that you may come to find me on one of my social media outlets one day and find I've given up on it. I can't even list all the detritus out there on the internet with my name still on it. All internet communication exists under the implicit threat that you could lose contact suddenly and permanently.
With one exception.
I've had the same e-mail address since I made it up in the middle school library in 7th grade. Of course, I've changed providers and everything else since then, but if I ever want to access my old account, I've still got it, and it's still forwarding even to my professional account today.
E-mail is, for good or ill, the gold standard of contacting your audience. I've said more about this phenomenon here. But, long story short, as much as I hate mailing lists, as an artist and a small businessman it's absolutely imperative that I have one. So I hope you'll sign up for mine today. You have my ironclad guarantee: one e-mail for each release, no spam. Thanks everybody!
If I had ten followers on LiveJournal in 2000, you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had a hundred subscribers to my blog in 2003, you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had a thousand friends on MySpace in 2006, you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had ten thousand friends on Facebook in 2009, you'd probably think I was a big shot.
If I had a hundred thousand followers on Twitter in 2012...well, you get the idea.
What'll be the sign that I'm a big shot in 2015? Who knows?
That's the thing about social media. It's ephemeral. It's constantly changing. And as potentially fun and rewarding as it can be, there's no guarantee that the effort I put into building my social media platform today will guarantee that I'll have an audience tomorrow. You could all move on in the blink of an eye.
Not to mention the very real threat that you may come to find me on one of my social media outlets one day and find I've given up on it. I can't even list all the detritus out there on the internet with my name still on it. All internet communication exists under the implicit threat that you could lose contact suddenly and permanently.
With one exception.
I've had the same e-mail address since I made it up in the middle school library in 7th grade. Of course, I've changed providers and everything else since then, but if I ever want to access my old account, I've still got it, and it's still forwarding even to my professional account today.
E-mail is, for good or ill, the gold standard of contacting your audience. I've said more about this phenomenon here. But, long story short, as much as I hate mailing lists, as an artist and a small businessman it's absolutely imperative that I have one. So I hope you'll sign up for mine today. You have my ironclad guarantee: one e-mail for each release, no spam. Thanks everybody!
December 26, 2014
Psychic Spam (Interview with Puppeteer Sylvia Bagaglio)
ZOMG, you guys. If you've read my guest policy you know how stoked I get about the opportunity to host members of unusual vocations. And if you've ever read anything by me ever you know how much I love puppets. So it's with an inordinate amount of delight that I'm pleased to welcome puppeteer, book reviewer, stage hand, and general jane-of-all-trades Sylvia Bagaglio to the blog! (You can probably guess which one of those is getting top billing though.) Sylvia's actually been featured on the blog before, but never in her own words, and you probably won't recognize her without the octopus costume. Also, I've misspelled her name every time before, but it's all been corrected, so it's all good now! So, without any further ado about nothing (that's kind of a theaterish joke, right?) let's meet our guest and then jump right into the interview.
About Sylvia Bagaglio:
Sylvia began reading before the age of four and was lucky enough to grow up in a house with a library. Her parents instituted the rule that she and her sister were allowed to read any book they could reach, so they learned how to climb the shelves. It seems Adams and Tolkien and King were far more interesting that Dr. Seuss (even if he had better pictures). While she is always seeking to procure and read new books, she has a habit of re-reading old favorites like Dickson’s THE DRAGON AND THE GEORGE once a year or so. Sylvia is happy to interrupt her reading to work as a professional art thief - er - handler - during the day and play stage hand and spotlight operator for burlesque shows at night. Working with such a wide array of people gives her ample fodder for her quote collection, much of which is posted on her Twitter account.
Interview:
SK: Hello, Sylvia, and welcome to Manuscripts Burn!
SB: Thanks for having me!
SK: As anyone who has read THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO knows, I have an ongoing love affair with saucy puppets. Can it possibly be true that you were a real life puppeteer?
SB: Well, that's debatable. Having worked in a number of props departments, I've built and/or refurbished my fair share of puppets. Which means testing them. A lot. The biggest one was a two-man crocodile puppet for a production of "Peter Pan"; I think I performed emergency orthodontic services on it about a dozen times while I was on tour with that show. We also had an ostrich that needed occasional re-inflating, since she was mostly a rugby ball. I also once made my Kermit the Frog a full habit so he could appear in "Nunsense". But aside of entertaining friends and little kids (and myself), I've never been a real puppet performer, myself.
SK: For the purposes of the title of this blogpost I'll be ignoring that thoughtful, nuanced answer. Let's talk a little bit about your work as a book reviewer. How do you go about reviewing a book? Do you have a process or is it just kind of an organic thing?
SB: It depends on the book. I always bookmark passages I know I'll want to recall or that might make a good opening quote, but other than that, I usually read through just for the story. Sometimes I go back and skim read the first couple of chapters just before I write the review, if I need to refresh my memory on exposition. I find having a cup of tea is usually helpful when I'm reading. Once I'm ready to write the review, I often get the nuts and bolts down first (title, publisher, price, interesting quote, etc), and then draft the review. Then I usually give it a day or two before I go back to it, self-edit, and submit it to the full editing crew for polishing.
SK: What is the best way to handle dry ice?
SB: With tongs or gloves! Water ice is frozen at 32 degrees Farenheit. Dry ice is carbon dioxide, frozen at -109 degrees Farenheit. That's more than 200 degrees colder than regular human body temperature, and it will burn your skin just as quickly as something 200 degrees hotter than your body temperature (300 degrees). Properly handled though, it's a really great thing to use in science experiments! (Here's an excellent basic guide on eHow: Experiments With Dry Ice.
SK: Damn, I thought I would stump you with that one. Let's move on. How did you get involved with the Bookshelf Bombshells project?
SB: I got involved with Bookshelf Bombshells because of Dawn. I've known her for (mumble) years and she put out a call for ladies who love to read and wanted to write about what they read. I saw a chance for free books and took it.
SK: How do things work behind the scenes over there?
SB: Well, Dawn and Lacy both get sent an inordinate number of books in print without even asking for them. They also get sent emails about books and letters about books and for all I know get psychic spam about books too. The contact comes from PR people, publishing houses, and sometimes directly from authors. Those of us who have been reviewing for a while also get contacted directly by all of the above. We all have day jobs, so we can't review everything we're offered. We pool what we're offered, accept as much as we can, divvy it up, and get cracking on reading and writing. Oh, and did I mention that we live all over the country? We email.
SK: Hmm, I guess I've been guilty of that. I need to remember to bother Dawn instead of you. But let's talk about some fun stuff that the non-reading types will be interested. Can you tell us about some of the more unusual jobs you've done over the years?
SB: Well, you've read above about performing orthodontic services on a giant crocodile puppet and re-inflating an ostrich. I've taught kindergarteners about traditional Japanese architecture; I've built custom masts for carbon-fiber racing yachts; I've provided lighting design for a beauty pageant that was part of the Miss America franchise; I've worked as a hilt-smith, making the decorative bronze hilts and pommels for swords and daggers (in a converted goat shed); I've had more than one job that required me to set things on fire and/or blow up things; and I've covered a 17' elephant in 1.6 million jelly beans. Her name is Lucy, and she lives at Caesar's Palace in Atlantic City, in a candy store called It'Sugar.
Courtesy of Flickr user iirraa
SK: Good Lord, that sounds amazing. All of it, but Lucy especially. Well, thanks for being with us today, Sylvia.
SB: You're welcome.
SK: Any last words for our readers?
SB: It's the holiday season. Have that cookie without the side of guilt, ok?
About Sylvia Bagaglio:
Sylvia began reading before the age of four and was lucky enough to grow up in a house with a library. Her parents instituted the rule that she and her sister were allowed to read any book they could reach, so they learned how to climb the shelves. It seems Adams and Tolkien and King were far more interesting that Dr. Seuss (even if he had better pictures). While she is always seeking to procure and read new books, she has a habit of re-reading old favorites like Dickson’s THE DRAGON AND THE GEORGE once a year or so. Sylvia is happy to interrupt her reading to work as a professional art thief - er - handler - during the day and play stage hand and spotlight operator for burlesque shows at night. Working with such a wide array of people gives her ample fodder for her quote collection, much of which is posted on her Twitter account.
Interview:
SK: Hello, Sylvia, and welcome to Manuscripts Burn!
SB: Thanks for having me!
SK: As anyone who has read THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO knows, I have an ongoing love affair with saucy puppets. Can it possibly be true that you were a real life puppeteer?
SB: Well, that's debatable. Having worked in a number of props departments, I've built and/or refurbished my fair share of puppets. Which means testing them. A lot. The biggest one was a two-man crocodile puppet for a production of "Peter Pan"; I think I performed emergency orthodontic services on it about a dozen times while I was on tour with that show. We also had an ostrich that needed occasional re-inflating, since she was mostly a rugby ball. I also once made my Kermit the Frog a full habit so he could appear in "Nunsense". But aside of entertaining friends and little kids (and myself), I've never been a real puppet performer, myself.
SK: For the purposes of the title of this blogpost I'll be ignoring that thoughtful, nuanced answer. Let's talk a little bit about your work as a book reviewer. How do you go about reviewing a book? Do you have a process or is it just kind of an organic thing?
SB: It depends on the book. I always bookmark passages I know I'll want to recall or that might make a good opening quote, but other than that, I usually read through just for the story. Sometimes I go back and skim read the first couple of chapters just before I write the review, if I need to refresh my memory on exposition. I find having a cup of tea is usually helpful when I'm reading. Once I'm ready to write the review, I often get the nuts and bolts down first (title, publisher, price, interesting quote, etc), and then draft the review. Then I usually give it a day or two before I go back to it, self-edit, and submit it to the full editing crew for polishing.
SK: What is the best way to handle dry ice?
SB: With tongs or gloves! Water ice is frozen at 32 degrees Farenheit. Dry ice is carbon dioxide, frozen at -109 degrees Farenheit. That's more than 200 degrees colder than regular human body temperature, and it will burn your skin just as quickly as something 200 degrees hotter than your body temperature (300 degrees). Properly handled though, it's a really great thing to use in science experiments! (Here's an excellent basic guide on eHow: Experiments With Dry Ice.
SK: Damn, I thought I would stump you with that one. Let's move on. How did you get involved with the Bookshelf Bombshells project?
SB: I got involved with Bookshelf Bombshells because of Dawn. I've known her for (mumble) years and she put out a call for ladies who love to read and wanted to write about what they read. I saw a chance for free books and took it.
SK: How do things work behind the scenes over there?
SB: Well, Dawn and Lacy both get sent an inordinate number of books in print without even asking for them. They also get sent emails about books and letters about books and for all I know get psychic spam about books too. The contact comes from PR people, publishing houses, and sometimes directly from authors. Those of us who have been reviewing for a while also get contacted directly by all of the above. We all have day jobs, so we can't review everything we're offered. We pool what we're offered, accept as much as we can, divvy it up, and get cracking on reading and writing. Oh, and did I mention that we live all over the country? We email.
SK: Hmm, I guess I've been guilty of that. I need to remember to bother Dawn instead of you. But let's talk about some fun stuff that the non-reading types will be interested. Can you tell us about some of the more unusual jobs you've done over the years?
SB: Well, you've read above about performing orthodontic services on a giant crocodile puppet and re-inflating an ostrich. I've taught kindergarteners about traditional Japanese architecture; I've built custom masts for carbon-fiber racing yachts; I've provided lighting design for a beauty pageant that was part of the Miss America franchise; I've worked as a hilt-smith, making the decorative bronze hilts and pommels for swords and daggers (in a converted goat shed); I've had more than one job that required me to set things on fire and/or blow up things; and I've covered a 17' elephant in 1.6 million jelly beans. Her name is Lucy, and she lives at Caesar's Palace in Atlantic City, in a candy store called It'Sugar.
Courtesy of Flickr user iirraaSK: Good Lord, that sounds amazing. All of it, but Lucy especially. Well, thanks for being with us today, Sylvia.
SB: You're welcome.
SK: Any last words for our readers?
SB: It's the holiday season. Have that cookie without the side of guilt, ok?
December 24, 2014
Rats Off To Ya!
It's the reason for the season, Tom.We're past the point now where even Amazon can't promise to get you a gift by Christmas morning anymore. You can brave the brick and mortar stores for your last-minute shopping, but that's so far beyond a nightmare it's like a night-thoroughbred.Here's an alternative. If you know someone with a Kindle you can give them an e-book as a present. It's simple. (And if you're an older person who normally has technology issues, your young family members will think you're "hip" and "with it" and can "Macarena.")
1. Go to the entry for the Kindle book you want to buy. For instance, BILLY AND THE CLONEASAURUS, which is conveniently on sale for only $0.99 now through 3:00am EST Christmas morning!
2. Click on "Give as a Gift."
3. Enter your loved one's e-mail address.
4. Schedule the date and time you want it delivered. So, for instance, 8:00 am Christmas morning if you know they'll be unwrapping gifts, or 6:00 pm on their birthday if you know they'll be at their party, etc.
And there you have it! No lines, no crowds, no waiting, and no wrapping. You can even make a big show of telling your loved one not to be checking their phone because this is family time, dammit, and then it's kind of like a big prank when they finally see it was you sending them a gift. See, you can't buy memories like that. But you can still buy BILLY...
December 22, 2014
$0.99/Free Sale - BILLY AND THE CLONEASAURUS
BILLY AND THE CLONEASAURUS is on sale for only $0.99 from now until 3:00 am EST December 25th! That's right, it's a ho-ho-horrible ho-ho-holiday sale! And, of course, it's always free if you have Kindle Unlimited.
I love BILLY. This is a plucky little book, and it's still my only published work that's never made it to "bestseller" status. Maybe we can change that with this sale! I hope you'll pick up a copy if you haven't. And if you have, I hope you'll share this sale with your friends, both cyber and real. Here's the purchase link:
Amazon
Want to know more? Well, every review of BATC is listed here. And here are what some of the reviewers have said:
"Billy and the Cloneasaurus is a fascinating tale that brings to mind 1984 and The Matrix but manages to be wholly unique and absolutely worth the read."
- Elizabeth Corrigan, author of EARTHBOUND ANGELS and VALERIEL INVESTIGATIONS
"Billy and the Cloneasaurus is a well written novel. Right from the first sentence, I loved the humor undercurrent that melds with the serious questions the plot raises. The more we learn about the world with Billy, the more you find yourself questioning the values of our own world."
- Once Upon a Dream Books
"Billy and the Cloneasaurus takes science fiction back to its satirical roots. Much in the vein of 1984 or Fahrenheit 451, the story uses a richly imagined futuristic world to hold a mirror up to today's world." - Mary Fan, bestselling author of JANE COLT and FLYNN NIGHTSIDER
December 19, 2014
So Long, and Thanks for All the Truthiness
I suppose I'll throw my paean onto the fire along with all the others.
It seems strange to think of it, considering his near-total pop culture ubiquity now, but when Stephen Colbert first came on the air no one knew what the hell he was doing. I mean, some people knew. The writers and producers, presumably, but the average viewer tuning in was flabbergasted.
I remember watching the first episode of The Colbert Report. My wife and I had recently moved to Oklahoma as part of my job (I was an army officer.) I grew up in the suburbs of Philly, a place so liberal we didn't really even realize there was another option. And we had both just graduated from college, again, not exactly a bastion of rightist thought. Moving to a red state - perhaps the red state - and being exposed to genuine, I'm-not-shitting-you conservative Southerners in the army was a bit of a culture shock for us, to say the least.
My wife got fired for her outspoken liberal views. I got told by a Texan First Sergeant that the North was "all just pretty much one state up there anyway." But I don't mean this post to be some kind of gripe-fest. We adjusted, as best we could, just agreeing that as soon as we could we'd get back home where we were more comfortable. Nevertheless, our one oasis in the vast Red Desert of Middle America was The Daily Show.
This was nine years ago and neither Jon Stewart nor The Daily Show were the institutions they are now, but at about the halfway point of the Bush administration something electric was happening. People were discovering this weird, honest, crude form of criticism. And this was all being broadcast out of New York City, not unlike Philadelphia in that Stewart probably isn't even aware how left-leaning he is just by default. For my wife and I it was like a panacea. And when they started talking about having their best correspondent, Colbert, have his own show, we sort of shrugged and, like everyone else, assumed it would be yet another failed experiment in the wreckage that is Comedy Central's attempts to capitalize on their four or five mega-hits.
(Brief aside: Ah, Kröd Mändoon. How I miss you.)
So this show came on, and this is the part that everyone forgets: no one got it at first. We had watched Colbert - who we now know, since it has been repeated ad nauseum by those trying to explain the show, is a character - with a cracking voice and almost palpable lack of confidence say the sorts of crazy things that Bill O'Reilly was saying on Fox News.
There were more than a few times in those first few weeks when either I or my wife would turn to the other and say, "Is he serious? Or is he playing." We just didn't get it. There had never been anything like this on television before. We were the dedicated fanbase and it took us a few months before we fully "got" the game. When Jon Stewart put on a character, he immediately broke it to tell us what he really thought. With Colbert, the character never broke and everything had to be picked up through innuendo. Imagine trusting your audience enough to literally have to pick up on what's not being said. I'm sure part of the appeal for watchers like myself was feeling oh so incredibly smart to be able to read between the lines.
It took the non-watchers quite a while longer to figure it out. I have no idea what it's like to be a guest (or target, as it were) on Colbert, but watching the discomfiture of people like Barney Frank in those early years was amazing. One had to wonder if some producer, or maybe Colbert himself, off-camera had to eventually start clueing in the poor people to the game. It was many years before guests started coming on fully aware of what they were getting into, that they were going to be forced into the "straight man" role while Colbert danced to the interview table every night and bloviated. No, in those early years it was uncomfortable to watch, and visibly uncomfortable for the subjects. This was groundbreaking stuff.
Now the ground is broken and I don't even know if it can ever be done again. I guess Sacha Baron Cohen has a somewhat similar shtick. But we haven't seen a glut of imitators or pretenders. Could the right pull off a reversal and have a faux-liberal Colbert-type? I dunno. They sure haven't tried it. It's kind of surprising, in a sense. I mean, almost any kind of success in show business leads to imitators and fakers, usually of varying degrees of quality. Stephen Colbert has none that I can think of.
Was he unique? Certainly. Was he positioned in a unique time of history to do what he did? Maybe. Can it never be repeated? I dunno. Maybe Stephen Colbert the performer was just so uniquely talented that nobody else will ever be able to pull it off again. I find that hard to believe, but so far it seems to be the case.
One thing that's sad for me, in a sense, is the mayfly nature of a news show, even a satirical one. I've never popped in an "old fave" of Colbert or The Daily Show and watched it. Would a show from 2005 or 2007 still be amusing, even assuming I'd forgotten all the jokes and content and was coming to it essentially "fresh?" I doubt it. There will be, I suppose, a few immortal moments that stand the test of time. Maybe the "Truthiness" Word segment or his interview with Jane Fonda or something will become clip show fodder in the future.
But for the most part The Colbert Report is dead. My kids won't watch it. I won't be able to explain to them the frenetic power it had, the way I tuned in every night without fail to watch my favorite fake blowhard skewer things in a way that nobody who even aspired to be taken seriously could. In a whiff, it's gone, lost behind the couch cushions like a teenager's heartbreaking poem scrawled on looseleaf paper.
You can't recreate the magic of a topical show, feeling like you had a friend who you could see every day, even if maybe he didn't respond to you. So that's all gone. And Colbert the character...well, he'll be back, no doubt, periodically. But an era is over. And I'm deliberately avoiding talking about how wretched last night's finale was, because I don't want it to sully the otherwise good memories of nine years.
I've probably pontificated on long enough. Time to pull the plug. Good night, sweet pundit, and flights of Bud Light Limes sing thee to thy rest.
It seems strange to think of it, considering his near-total pop culture ubiquity now, but when Stephen Colbert first came on the air no one knew what the hell he was doing. I mean, some people knew. The writers and producers, presumably, but the average viewer tuning in was flabbergasted.
I remember watching the first episode of The Colbert Report. My wife and I had recently moved to Oklahoma as part of my job (I was an army officer.) I grew up in the suburbs of Philly, a place so liberal we didn't really even realize there was another option. And we had both just graduated from college, again, not exactly a bastion of rightist thought. Moving to a red state - perhaps the red state - and being exposed to genuine, I'm-not-shitting-you conservative Southerners in the army was a bit of a culture shock for us, to say the least.
My wife got fired for her outspoken liberal views. I got told by a Texan First Sergeant that the North was "all just pretty much one state up there anyway." But I don't mean this post to be some kind of gripe-fest. We adjusted, as best we could, just agreeing that as soon as we could we'd get back home where we were more comfortable. Nevertheless, our one oasis in the vast Red Desert of Middle America was The Daily Show.
This was nine years ago and neither Jon Stewart nor The Daily Show were the institutions they are now, but at about the halfway point of the Bush administration something electric was happening. People were discovering this weird, honest, crude form of criticism. And this was all being broadcast out of New York City, not unlike Philadelphia in that Stewart probably isn't even aware how left-leaning he is just by default. For my wife and I it was like a panacea. And when they started talking about having their best correspondent, Colbert, have his own show, we sort of shrugged and, like everyone else, assumed it would be yet another failed experiment in the wreckage that is Comedy Central's attempts to capitalize on their four or five mega-hits.
(Brief aside: Ah, Kröd Mändoon. How I miss you.)
So this show came on, and this is the part that everyone forgets: no one got it at first. We had watched Colbert - who we now know, since it has been repeated ad nauseum by those trying to explain the show, is a character - with a cracking voice and almost palpable lack of confidence say the sorts of crazy things that Bill O'Reilly was saying on Fox News.
There were more than a few times in those first few weeks when either I or my wife would turn to the other and say, "Is he serious? Or is he playing." We just didn't get it. There had never been anything like this on television before. We were the dedicated fanbase and it took us a few months before we fully "got" the game. When Jon Stewart put on a character, he immediately broke it to tell us what he really thought. With Colbert, the character never broke and everything had to be picked up through innuendo. Imagine trusting your audience enough to literally have to pick up on what's not being said. I'm sure part of the appeal for watchers like myself was feeling oh so incredibly smart to be able to read between the lines.
It took the non-watchers quite a while longer to figure it out. I have no idea what it's like to be a guest (or target, as it were) on Colbert, but watching the discomfiture of people like Barney Frank in those early years was amazing. One had to wonder if some producer, or maybe Colbert himself, off-camera had to eventually start clueing in the poor people to the game. It was many years before guests started coming on fully aware of what they were getting into, that they were going to be forced into the "straight man" role while Colbert danced to the interview table every night and bloviated. No, in those early years it was uncomfortable to watch, and visibly uncomfortable for the subjects. This was groundbreaking stuff.
Now the ground is broken and I don't even know if it can ever be done again. I guess Sacha Baron Cohen has a somewhat similar shtick. But we haven't seen a glut of imitators or pretenders. Could the right pull off a reversal and have a faux-liberal Colbert-type? I dunno. They sure haven't tried it. It's kind of surprising, in a sense. I mean, almost any kind of success in show business leads to imitators and fakers, usually of varying degrees of quality. Stephen Colbert has none that I can think of.
Was he unique? Certainly. Was he positioned in a unique time of history to do what he did? Maybe. Can it never be repeated? I dunno. Maybe Stephen Colbert the performer was just so uniquely talented that nobody else will ever be able to pull it off again. I find that hard to believe, but so far it seems to be the case.
One thing that's sad for me, in a sense, is the mayfly nature of a news show, even a satirical one. I've never popped in an "old fave" of Colbert or The Daily Show and watched it. Would a show from 2005 or 2007 still be amusing, even assuming I'd forgotten all the jokes and content and was coming to it essentially "fresh?" I doubt it. There will be, I suppose, a few immortal moments that stand the test of time. Maybe the "Truthiness" Word segment or his interview with Jane Fonda or something will become clip show fodder in the future.
But for the most part The Colbert Report is dead. My kids won't watch it. I won't be able to explain to them the frenetic power it had, the way I tuned in every night without fail to watch my favorite fake blowhard skewer things in a way that nobody who even aspired to be taken seriously could. In a whiff, it's gone, lost behind the couch cushions like a teenager's heartbreaking poem scrawled on looseleaf paper.
You can't recreate the magic of a topical show, feeling like you had a friend who you could see every day, even if maybe he didn't respond to you. So that's all gone. And Colbert the character...well, he'll be back, no doubt, periodically. But an era is over. And I'm deliberately avoiding talking about how wretched last night's finale was, because I don't want it to sully the otherwise good memories of nine years.
I've probably pontificated on long enough. Time to pull the plug. Good night, sweet pundit, and flights of Bud Light Limes sing thee to thy rest.
December 17, 2014
Spotlight: JOURNAL OF THE UNDEAD: LITTLEVILLE UPRISING by S.G. Lee
Let me tell you something, blogtocrats: today's guest is one of the most genuine and flat-out kindest human beings I've ever met. S.G. Lee will give you the shirt off his back or (in case you are a zombie) the still-beating heart out of his chest. I never met the fellow until we happened to both be included in the AT HELL'S GATES charity horror anthology. Since then we've worked closely together marketing that book, and (I like to think) become fast friends. Now I'm pleased to announce that S.G. has released his first solo work. So without any further ado, let's take a look!
About JOURNAL OF THE UNDEAD: LITTLEVILLE UPRISING
The residents of Littleville, Pennsylvania are about to meet their new neighbors…
New to Littleville, the Wexley twins, Matt and Emma assume fitting in at Lincoln High and making new friends will be their biggest worries. They couldn’t be more wrong. Fate would introduce Evan Stone into the neighborhood and all three attempt to navigate the murky labyrinth of eleventh grade but Evan has a secret. His godfather is Dr. G.E. Mitchell, author of Journal of the Undead: A Survivor’s Guide and Evan has been learning about zombies from one of the best.
With an excellent school system, safe streets, and a strong sense of community, the Philadelphia suburb of Littleville has proudly attracted a diverse blend of people but up until now they’d always been living. When Lincoln High School is overrun by flesh-eating corpses, Evan rescues Emma and they battle their way through the zombies to Matt but fleeing the school doesn’t solve their problems. Friends, enemies, and loved ones are lost in the battle against the undead and the entire town is completely overrun. The true terror unfolds, as the survivors must escape and make the dangerous trek from suburban Philadelphia to the highest mountains of West Virginia with the hope of finding a safe haven at the Stone family cabin. If they can reach the secluded refuge, they just might survive the Littleville Uprising.
Purchase it now on Amazon and tell your friends about it on Goodreads!
About S.G. Lee
S.G. Lee was born in Philadelphia and raised in its suburbs. Forever a die-hard Philly sports fan, S.G. bleeds a dedicated swirl of Orange & Black, Red & White, or Green & Silver, a phenomenon that baffles nurses and phlebotomists alike. Still, it is the love of reading and writing that trumps all else...all except for an encouraging spouse and a rambunctious puppy. Currently, all three reside in North Central West Virginia but this author's heart still belongs to the City of Brotherly Love.
Though it is rumored that the desire to write about zombies was spawned by intense road rage, and a secret longing to club slow drivers with a tire iron, that claim has yet to be substantiated. S.G. is also a contributing author for the Zombie Response Team's blog in addition to a personal blog containing free horror stories and random musings. You can always connect with S.G. on Twitter and Facebook.
About JOURNAL OF THE UNDEAD: LITTLEVILLE UPRISING
The residents of Littleville, Pennsylvania are about to meet their new neighbors…
New to Littleville, the Wexley twins, Matt and Emma assume fitting in at Lincoln High and making new friends will be their biggest worries. They couldn’t be more wrong. Fate would introduce Evan Stone into the neighborhood and all three attempt to navigate the murky labyrinth of eleventh grade but Evan has a secret. His godfather is Dr. G.E. Mitchell, author of Journal of the Undead: A Survivor’s Guide and Evan has been learning about zombies from one of the best.
With an excellent school system, safe streets, and a strong sense of community, the Philadelphia suburb of Littleville has proudly attracted a diverse blend of people but up until now they’d always been living. When Lincoln High School is overrun by flesh-eating corpses, Evan rescues Emma and they battle their way through the zombies to Matt but fleeing the school doesn’t solve their problems. Friends, enemies, and loved ones are lost in the battle against the undead and the entire town is completely overrun. The true terror unfolds, as the survivors must escape and make the dangerous trek from suburban Philadelphia to the highest mountains of West Virginia with the hope of finding a safe haven at the Stone family cabin. If they can reach the secluded refuge, they just might survive the Littleville Uprising.
Purchase it now on Amazon and tell your friends about it on Goodreads!
About S.G. Lee
S.G. Lee was born in Philadelphia and raised in its suburbs. Forever a die-hard Philly sports fan, S.G. bleeds a dedicated swirl of Orange & Black, Red & White, or Green & Silver, a phenomenon that baffles nurses and phlebotomists alike. Still, it is the love of reading and writing that trumps all else...all except for an encouraging spouse and a rambunctious puppy. Currently, all three reside in North Central West Virginia but this author's heart still belongs to the City of Brotherly Love.
Though it is rumored that the desire to write about zombies was spawned by intense road rage, and a secret longing to club slow drivers with a tire iron, that claim has yet to be substantiated. S.G. is also a contributing author for the Zombie Response Team's blog in addition to a personal blog containing free horror stories and random musings. You can always connect with S.G. on Twitter and Facebook.
