Amanda Meredith's Blog: Writer's Ramblings, page 5
January 12, 2015
The Unexpected is Always Just That
Over a year ago, a fellow author and blogger asked me to do a guest post on her blog. Being a newly published author, and ready to jump at the chance for any publicity, I quickly said yes. But when I asked her what she'd like the post to be about she told me: anything, and my mind went blank. I was by no means a professional, nor had I gone to college and obtained some degree saying that I knew more than someone else. My knowledge had strictly come from trial and error, or as it's known in this country, the school of hard knocks.
Earlier that same year, my family and I had suffered through a very painful loss that threatened to kill the hope and inspiration inside of me that made me who I was. How could I write with such pain and grief lodged in my chest? How could I continue to write romance, which has a requirement of happily ever afters, when my happiness had fallen into a bottomless pit of despair?
Sound overly-dramatic? It may have seemed that way to everyone else around me, but it was exactly what I was feeling at the time. But even in my pain, I forced myself to write. During my time of grief, I marketed my first published book, Dark Mountains. During the time I felt so lost, I finished the final touches on Irish Strength. I finished writing Irish Heart. It wasn't easy, but I made myself do it. And the result of pushing through it turned into two more finished novels.
So when I thought back on what I had gone through that year, I decided that my guest post would be about writing through grief. It was almost as painful to write it as it was to live it in the first place, but the result, meant to be an educational and encouraging post for other writers, became another part of healing for me.
Before I share the post with you, I want to share the prologue to it all. You see, I've always been able to write better than I can speak, so it's actually easy to keep track of all the things that happen in my life. Because I write about them. Letters, poems, songs, short stories, etc. They all spring from things I've experienced. So to give you a bit of a back-story, I have this tradition of writing letters while I'm pregnant. I write to my unborn children and put the letter in their baby book. I've even written a letter AS my unborn child, to my husband. (I know it sounds strange but it was actually pretty cute)
So it all started with a letter that I wrote to a child I carried...
Unexpected Miracle
January 19, 2013My little miracle,
Two days ago, I found out about your existence. Your father and I were not planning on you, or even knew there was a chance you were there. I was having issues that I should not have been having, and a friend of mine suggested I take a pregnancy test to be sure. I told myself, ‘There’s no way that I am pregnant.’, but followed her advice, and bought two tests. I was so shocked to find positive results on them both. I immediately called daddy and told him the news.But I was still having problems that were even more abnormal to have during a pregnancy. Now I was beyond scared that I was losing you right when I had just learned you were there. Suddenly I thought of God. I was begging in prayer for Him to save you. To keep you safe inside my womb. Why had I not prayed to Him from the moment I found out? Why had I not been praying to him regularly to begin with?It seems with mankind, that praying without ceasing comes easy when things are going wrong. The entire day I was praying for you. The next day, waiting to see the doctor and get back test results, I was praying for you. Today, knowing that you are inside me but still in danger, I am praying constantly.God has proven to me that my plans, and the plans I make with your father, are nothing compared to what He has planned for me. We had decided to wait until the summer to start trying for you and God showed us that He wanted you to come now. I look at my faith and am saddened to see how small it is. God has proven yet another thing to me. Belief is not good enough. Salvation is not good enough. I am missing SO much by not being connected daily, constantly, consistently to my God.So I have not just learned about the baby growing in my womb. I have learned that my need for Jesus is greater than I ever imagined. The necessity of praying and studying the Word of God is greater than I could ever know. My soul demands constant connection with my God. I must have a stronger faith.Because of you, my precious child, I have realized these things. God has once again shown me the miracle of life. Though I remain fearful that I may yet lose you, I will trust in the plan that God has created for us. I will love you, and will pray for you, and give you every part of myself for as long as I have you. Just as it is with your big brother and big sister, I will be your mother and I will love you. And though you have just left His arms, I will re-introduce you to our Father in Heaven. I will show you the way to salvation through our Lord Jesus. And I will help you listen and obey the guidance of the Holy Spirit.Dear little one, I may only have you a short time. I may have you until the Lord calls me home many years from now. But as long as I do have you, I will thank God for the gift of your life.
Love,Your Mommy
Can you see where this is going now? I bet you can. And you're probably right. It's been two years since I carried that precious, little life inside me and on Valentine's Day, it will be two years since I had to say goodbye to that hope.
Miscarriage is something that is never really talked about and completely misunderstood, until you experience it. Words, though I wrote them, simply cannot express the absolute sense of loss I felt when my doctor called me that day. I had known there was a problem. I had known there was a chance. But I was sure it would be okay. I was positive that my baby would make it. I had been wrong.
What is even less talked about, and even more misunderstood, is the recovery after miscarriage. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, even sexually. And I'm not kidding. I went through a year of being afraid of having sex, because I was afraid of getting pregnant, afraid of losing another child, afraid I wouldn't be able to survive it a second time. Even from day one, there was so much support, especially from my husband and my two beautiful children, but no one REALLY understood what I was going through. The guilt, the grief, the depression, the fear, the EVERYTHING.
And the things people say. If you've ever lost a child, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about and how much worse it makes you feel. 'It was for the best.' 'There was probably something wrong with it.' 'God has a plan and we need to trust that this happened for a reason.' 'Heaven has one more angel looking down on us.' 'You can always have another.'
Seem cruel? Ask yourself if you've ever said anything to someone who has lost a child, from miscarriage, still birth, death. You most likely have, in some form or fashion. All of those words, meant to comfort, were just twisting the knife that was already embedded deep in my heart.
Really, I just wanted someone to be a shoulder for me to cry on. Someone to only hug me and not say a thing. Someone to pray for me. Someone to let me be a zombie for as long as it took for me to find life again. And I did get that in some ways. Now in case you think I'm talking about the months of grieving and recovery after my miscarriage... I was and wasn't. Everything I just said happened in the minutes and hours after I received that phone call.
But I had two children that needed me and I knew I needed to dig my way out faster than I wanted to. For me, the best way to try and find myself again was to write. Only hours after that phone call, I was writing. If you can call breaking into sobs every few words, writing. But by that evening, I had written another letter, to the child I had lost. And even though the physical proof of my loss hadn't even begun yet, I had already found my way to cope.
So when I was asked to write the blog post, in the end, I decided to share my painful journey of loss with the world. The post was about writing through tragedy and hard times, but it should have been titled: How I Survived. It was a long-winded post so I'll only share with you the part pertaining to this subject, but you can click on the link below to read the whole post.
I hope that it helps you heal in whatever you're going through as much as it did for me. And I hope it encourages you to keep writing, no matter what you're going through. Life is full of unexpected moments, that make unexpected memories and lead to unexpected places. They won't all be happy, if fact a majority of them will make you sad, but those unexpected moments make you who you are and make your writing what it is.
Guest Post for Alana Munro - November 22, 2013:
As writers, we are used to writing. All the time. It’s what we do. Everything inspires us. We’re surrounded by journals with ideas hastily scrawled in the middle of the night after waking up from a dream. Our smart phones have dozens of notes with short-hand typing when inspiration strikes while out shopping. Our computers have documents in different stages of development. We write when inspired and the mess of words left to sort out later is the result.But more and more frequently, I’m seeing posts from authors and writers, struggling to write after tragedy strikes. To focus on a pen and paper (or computer and keyboard) when life really kicks us around. Some even take a break from writing to cope with what their life had thrown at them, only to come back and feel lost in the tumultuous emotions still swirling around in their minds.Life is hard.That, ladies and gentlemen, is an established fact. Sometimes it even sucks. It’s not predictable; neither is the way we react to it. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. Different personalities and emotions. Different ways of accepting.I think for writers, the best way to cope is to KEEP WRITING. Even when it seems impossible. Even when there’s no time. Even with our chaotic moods threatening to swallow our sanity. KEEP WRITING. We are writers after all, are we not?What you write doesn’t have to be good. Hell, it doesn’t even have to make sense. The only thing that matters is that you didn’t give up, you didn’t let anything stop you, from putting words to paper.Inspiration strikes us all, even in the worst of times. For me, I’ve always found it to be therapeutic to write when I am struggling. Life likes to throw giant flaming bowling balls of problems my way and writing about it is almost like taking up a giant club and whacking that damn ball clear out of the park. Even if what I write is just a jumbled mess of feelings and words scrambled onto a paper, I come back to it later and find diamonds, rubies, sapphires and all manners of creative gems hiding in the wreckage. Use it. Refine it. Create something with it.Regardless of what genre you write in, tragedy and heartbreak can strike any of the characters. It can build bridges or tear them down. It can deepen character or shatter it. It can forge relationships or destroy them. It can add depth, emotion, humanity, to what we write.Why hide from that? Who cares if you are bawling your eyes to oblivion while trying to type? Who cares if you are getting salty tears all over your keyboard? Who cares if your pencil lead keeps snapping from the un-needed force you are writing with? Who cares if you’re surrounded by crumpled up papers after you start and ultimately hate what you are writing. You should care. If you can’t feel emotions and let them flow into what you’re writing, how is the reader supposed to feel the emotion when reading your words? As writers, we shouldn't be afraid of the raw and unpredictable. We should embrace it.Life never gives us a break. We wish it would, but there is no stopping the ebb and flow of pain, illness, death. What is hard to remember, during those times, is that life also gives us joy, love and hope. What we write, whether romance, horror, children's, etc. isn't one dimensional. it has the same ebb and flow that we experience in everyday life. Learning how to embrace the changes, the hard times, and use them in our work, is what makes us great writers.Last January, my husband and I found out we were expecting another baby, our third child. We weren’t prepared for this news but were extremely happy. Only a few weeks after finding out, some tests came back with results no one wants. We had lost our baby. After only weeks of knowing that hidden joy was nestled inside me. That light that kept me smiling with the secret knowledge of the little one I carried inside me was gone. I was devastated. Beyond any emotions I had ever experienced. To any of you that have lost a child, in any stage and point of life, you know the feelings I was experiencing. There were no words.Except that there were words. Feelings. Emotions. Tears. Anger. Despair. Swirling inside me like a hurricane. I couldn't stop crying. Screaming in agony over what I had lost. Drowning in guilt for the wrongs I imagined up for the sake of something to blame. So I began to write. I had written a letter to my unborn child, as I had done with my first two, the day I found out I was pregnant. It seemed only fitting to write a letter to my baby again.So that’s what I did. And all of those words and feelings and thoughts storming inside me flew onto the paper like that’s where they were always destined to be. It took me hours just to write one page. But that one page contained every piece of my heart that had been broken that day. In the end, the anger and guilt were gone. The sorrow, the pain, the heartache were still alive and raw inside me but I had found the way out. The path to healing… through writing.We just passed what would've been our child’s due date on October 14. Ironically, a day later was a national remembrance day for lost children. The same emotions I felt the day we lost our baby came swelling back up and I took out that letter and read it again. I blogged it. I passed it on. Hoping that those words I wrote on what is so far, the single worst day of my life, would help someone else heal and find hope…Precious One,Today I learned that I had lost you. As soon as I heard the words, I lost myself as well.Grief is a powerful thing. A tidal wave that comes with no warning and destroys what you hold dear. It devastates everything you once knew and leaves empty, broken shells of what once was. You are lost in the dark, swirling waters, not knowing where the surface is, where to go to breathe. It swallows you and you drown in the darkness.Everyone who has ever lost must ask the question: why? Human nature compels us to try to understand and explain. To give reason to why everything happens. There is no reason and yet there are a million reasons.I don’t know why God took you away so soon. I don’t know why I never got to hear your heart beat, feel you kick inside me, listen to your first cry, hold you in my arms. I barely knew you. Your father will not see my belly grow with you, feel you moving beneath my skin, cut the cord that would’ve separated us, hold me while I held you. Your siblings will never get to see you sucking your thumb on a screen while you sleep inside me, wait impatiently in a room while I bring you into the world or hold your tiny hand as they meet you for the first time. We will never get to know you in this world.But my dear, sweet child, we will never forget you. We will never forget the joy you brought to us, even though it was for such a short time. We will never forget the hope you gave us. We will never forget ideas you spurred in our minds and the love you created in our hearts. We will never forget the lessons that your brief time here taught us.You showed me the miracle of life, beloved child. You showed me the flaws in my faith and by merely existing, helped me surrender them to God. You showed me how to trust in what God had in store for me and for our family.Sometimes the path that God leads us down is hard. Sometimes it is so painful that it becomes nearly unbearable. Losing you made me so angry with God. But after the anger passed, God reminded me of some very important things.He reminded me that He loves me. He reminded me that not all is lost. He reminded me that I have a Comforter that is holding me now. He reminded me that He feels every tear that I cry. He reminded me how blessed I am.He reminded me that He has given me your brother and your sister. He reminded of the joys that they are in my life. He reminded me that He has given me your Daddy. He reminded me that your Daddy is an example of what He is to me. A rock that won’t be moved. A strength that cannot be tested. A helpmate and counselor.He reminded me that I am not alone, that I have family and friends that love me and pray for me. He reminded me that we WILL see you again. That the day we find ourselves in eternity, we will find you. We will see you in the heavenly splendor of a child of God. That we will KNOW you and you will know us.My precious child, I will never stop grieving your loss. I will never forget that I once carried you inside of me. Even in my grief and sadness, I will not forget that my God is leading me. That He is holding my hand, carrying me when I stumble, holding me together when I break.I know this despair will lessen, that this grief will ease. I know that this wound will heal. I know, my dearest child, that I will hold you in my arms one day. But until that day comes, I will remember what you taught me and let God lead me through this journey.Love,Your Mommy
Writing either of those things was not easy. Writing after pain and loss won’t be easy for you either. But you are a writer. You let your feelings, your emotions, and your thoughts flow through you and into your story. Don’t be afraid to write in the pain and hard times. You just might write the best thing you’ve ever created. But you won’t know until you try.
Earlier that same year, my family and I had suffered through a very painful loss that threatened to kill the hope and inspiration inside of me that made me who I was. How could I write with such pain and grief lodged in my chest? How could I continue to write romance, which has a requirement of happily ever afters, when my happiness had fallen into a bottomless pit of despair?
Sound overly-dramatic? It may have seemed that way to everyone else around me, but it was exactly what I was feeling at the time. But even in my pain, I forced myself to write. During my time of grief, I marketed my first published book, Dark Mountains. During the time I felt so lost, I finished the final touches on Irish Strength. I finished writing Irish Heart. It wasn't easy, but I made myself do it. And the result of pushing through it turned into two more finished novels.
So when I thought back on what I had gone through that year, I decided that my guest post would be about writing through grief. It was almost as painful to write it as it was to live it in the first place, but the result, meant to be an educational and encouraging post for other writers, became another part of healing for me.
Before I share the post with you, I want to share the prologue to it all. You see, I've always been able to write better than I can speak, so it's actually easy to keep track of all the things that happen in my life. Because I write about them. Letters, poems, songs, short stories, etc. They all spring from things I've experienced. So to give you a bit of a back-story, I have this tradition of writing letters while I'm pregnant. I write to my unborn children and put the letter in their baby book. I've even written a letter AS my unborn child, to my husband. (I know it sounds strange but it was actually pretty cute)
So it all started with a letter that I wrote to a child I carried...
Unexpected Miracle
January 19, 2013My little miracle,Two days ago, I found out about your existence. Your father and I were not planning on you, or even knew there was a chance you were there. I was having issues that I should not have been having, and a friend of mine suggested I take a pregnancy test to be sure. I told myself, ‘There’s no way that I am pregnant.’, but followed her advice, and bought two tests. I was so shocked to find positive results on them both. I immediately called daddy and told him the news.But I was still having problems that were even more abnormal to have during a pregnancy. Now I was beyond scared that I was losing you right when I had just learned you were there. Suddenly I thought of God. I was begging in prayer for Him to save you. To keep you safe inside my womb. Why had I not prayed to Him from the moment I found out? Why had I not been praying to him regularly to begin with?It seems with mankind, that praying without ceasing comes easy when things are going wrong. The entire day I was praying for you. The next day, waiting to see the doctor and get back test results, I was praying for you. Today, knowing that you are inside me but still in danger, I am praying constantly.God has proven to me that my plans, and the plans I make with your father, are nothing compared to what He has planned for me. We had decided to wait until the summer to start trying for you and God showed us that He wanted you to come now. I look at my faith and am saddened to see how small it is. God has proven yet another thing to me. Belief is not good enough. Salvation is not good enough. I am missing SO much by not being connected daily, constantly, consistently to my God.So I have not just learned about the baby growing in my womb. I have learned that my need for Jesus is greater than I ever imagined. The necessity of praying and studying the Word of God is greater than I could ever know. My soul demands constant connection with my God. I must have a stronger faith.Because of you, my precious child, I have realized these things. God has once again shown me the miracle of life. Though I remain fearful that I may yet lose you, I will trust in the plan that God has created for us. I will love you, and will pray for you, and give you every part of myself for as long as I have you. Just as it is with your big brother and big sister, I will be your mother and I will love you. And though you have just left His arms, I will re-introduce you to our Father in Heaven. I will show you the way to salvation through our Lord Jesus. And I will help you listen and obey the guidance of the Holy Spirit.Dear little one, I may only have you a short time. I may have you until the Lord calls me home many years from now. But as long as I do have you, I will thank God for the gift of your life.
Love,Your Mommy
Can you see where this is going now? I bet you can. And you're probably right. It's been two years since I carried that precious, little life inside me and on Valentine's Day, it will be two years since I had to say goodbye to that hope.
Miscarriage is something that is never really talked about and completely misunderstood, until you experience it. Words, though I wrote them, simply cannot express the absolute sense of loss I felt when my doctor called me that day. I had known there was a problem. I had known there was a chance. But I was sure it would be okay. I was positive that my baby would make it. I had been wrong.
What is even less talked about, and even more misunderstood, is the recovery after miscarriage. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, even sexually. And I'm not kidding. I went through a year of being afraid of having sex, because I was afraid of getting pregnant, afraid of losing another child, afraid I wouldn't be able to survive it a second time. Even from day one, there was so much support, especially from my husband and my two beautiful children, but no one REALLY understood what I was going through. The guilt, the grief, the depression, the fear, the EVERYTHING.
And the things people say. If you've ever lost a child, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about and how much worse it makes you feel. 'It was for the best.' 'There was probably something wrong with it.' 'God has a plan and we need to trust that this happened for a reason.' 'Heaven has one more angel looking down on us.' 'You can always have another.'
Seem cruel? Ask yourself if you've ever said anything to someone who has lost a child, from miscarriage, still birth, death. You most likely have, in some form or fashion. All of those words, meant to comfort, were just twisting the knife that was already embedded deep in my heart.
Really, I just wanted someone to be a shoulder for me to cry on. Someone to only hug me and not say a thing. Someone to pray for me. Someone to let me be a zombie for as long as it took for me to find life again. And I did get that in some ways. Now in case you think I'm talking about the months of grieving and recovery after my miscarriage... I was and wasn't. Everything I just said happened in the minutes and hours after I received that phone call.
But I had two children that needed me and I knew I needed to dig my way out faster than I wanted to. For me, the best way to try and find myself again was to write. Only hours after that phone call, I was writing. If you can call breaking into sobs every few words, writing. But by that evening, I had written another letter, to the child I had lost. And even though the physical proof of my loss hadn't even begun yet, I had already found my way to cope.
So when I was asked to write the blog post, in the end, I decided to share my painful journey of loss with the world. The post was about writing through tragedy and hard times, but it should have been titled: How I Survived. It was a long-winded post so I'll only share with you the part pertaining to this subject, but you can click on the link below to read the whole post.
I hope that it helps you heal in whatever you're going through as much as it did for me. And I hope it encourages you to keep writing, no matter what you're going through. Life is full of unexpected moments, that make unexpected memories and lead to unexpected places. They won't all be happy, if fact a majority of them will make you sad, but those unexpected moments make you who you are and make your writing what it is.
Guest Post for Alana Munro - November 22, 2013:
As writers, we are used to writing. All the time. It’s what we do. Everything inspires us. We’re surrounded by journals with ideas hastily scrawled in the middle of the night after waking up from a dream. Our smart phones have dozens of notes with short-hand typing when inspiration strikes while out shopping. Our computers have documents in different stages of development. We write when inspired and the mess of words left to sort out later is the result.But more and more frequently, I’m seeing posts from authors and writers, struggling to write after tragedy strikes. To focus on a pen and paper (or computer and keyboard) when life really kicks us around. Some even take a break from writing to cope with what their life had thrown at them, only to come back and feel lost in the tumultuous emotions still swirling around in their minds.Life is hard.That, ladies and gentlemen, is an established fact. Sometimes it even sucks. It’s not predictable; neither is the way we react to it. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. Different personalities and emotions. Different ways of accepting.I think for writers, the best way to cope is to KEEP WRITING. Even when it seems impossible. Even when there’s no time. Even with our chaotic moods threatening to swallow our sanity. KEEP WRITING. We are writers after all, are we not?What you write doesn’t have to be good. Hell, it doesn’t even have to make sense. The only thing that matters is that you didn’t give up, you didn’t let anything stop you, from putting words to paper.Inspiration strikes us all, even in the worst of times. For me, I’ve always found it to be therapeutic to write when I am struggling. Life likes to throw giant flaming bowling balls of problems my way and writing about it is almost like taking up a giant club and whacking that damn ball clear out of the park. Even if what I write is just a jumbled mess of feelings and words scrambled onto a paper, I come back to it later and find diamonds, rubies, sapphires and all manners of creative gems hiding in the wreckage. Use it. Refine it. Create something with it.Regardless of what genre you write in, tragedy and heartbreak can strike any of the characters. It can build bridges or tear them down. It can deepen character or shatter it. It can forge relationships or destroy them. It can add depth, emotion, humanity, to what we write.Why hide from that? Who cares if you are bawling your eyes to oblivion while trying to type? Who cares if you are getting salty tears all over your keyboard? Who cares if your pencil lead keeps snapping from the un-needed force you are writing with? Who cares if you’re surrounded by crumpled up papers after you start and ultimately hate what you are writing. You should care. If you can’t feel emotions and let them flow into what you’re writing, how is the reader supposed to feel the emotion when reading your words? As writers, we shouldn't be afraid of the raw and unpredictable. We should embrace it.Life never gives us a break. We wish it would, but there is no stopping the ebb and flow of pain, illness, death. What is hard to remember, during those times, is that life also gives us joy, love and hope. What we write, whether romance, horror, children's, etc. isn't one dimensional. it has the same ebb and flow that we experience in everyday life. Learning how to embrace the changes, the hard times, and use them in our work, is what makes us great writers.Last January, my husband and I found out we were expecting another baby, our third child. We weren’t prepared for this news but were extremely happy. Only a few weeks after finding out, some tests came back with results no one wants. We had lost our baby. After only weeks of knowing that hidden joy was nestled inside me. That light that kept me smiling with the secret knowledge of the little one I carried inside me was gone. I was devastated. Beyond any emotions I had ever experienced. To any of you that have lost a child, in any stage and point of life, you know the feelings I was experiencing. There were no words.Except that there were words. Feelings. Emotions. Tears. Anger. Despair. Swirling inside me like a hurricane. I couldn't stop crying. Screaming in agony over what I had lost. Drowning in guilt for the wrongs I imagined up for the sake of something to blame. So I began to write. I had written a letter to my unborn child, as I had done with my first two, the day I found out I was pregnant. It seemed only fitting to write a letter to my baby again.So that’s what I did. And all of those words and feelings and thoughts storming inside me flew onto the paper like that’s where they were always destined to be. It took me hours just to write one page. But that one page contained every piece of my heart that had been broken that day. In the end, the anger and guilt were gone. The sorrow, the pain, the heartache were still alive and raw inside me but I had found the way out. The path to healing… through writing.We just passed what would've been our child’s due date on October 14. Ironically, a day later was a national remembrance day for lost children. The same emotions I felt the day we lost our baby came swelling back up and I took out that letter and read it again. I blogged it. I passed it on. Hoping that those words I wrote on what is so far, the single worst day of my life, would help someone else heal and find hope…Precious One,Today I learned that I had lost you. As soon as I heard the words, I lost myself as well.Grief is a powerful thing. A tidal wave that comes with no warning and destroys what you hold dear. It devastates everything you once knew and leaves empty, broken shells of what once was. You are lost in the dark, swirling waters, not knowing where the surface is, where to go to breathe. It swallows you and you drown in the darkness.Everyone who has ever lost must ask the question: why? Human nature compels us to try to understand and explain. To give reason to why everything happens. There is no reason and yet there are a million reasons.I don’t know why God took you away so soon. I don’t know why I never got to hear your heart beat, feel you kick inside me, listen to your first cry, hold you in my arms. I barely knew you. Your father will not see my belly grow with you, feel you moving beneath my skin, cut the cord that would’ve separated us, hold me while I held you. Your siblings will never get to see you sucking your thumb on a screen while you sleep inside me, wait impatiently in a room while I bring you into the world or hold your tiny hand as they meet you for the first time. We will never get to know you in this world.But my dear, sweet child, we will never forget you. We will never forget the joy you brought to us, even though it was for such a short time. We will never forget the hope you gave us. We will never forget ideas you spurred in our minds and the love you created in our hearts. We will never forget the lessons that your brief time here taught us.You showed me the miracle of life, beloved child. You showed me the flaws in my faith and by merely existing, helped me surrender them to God. You showed me how to trust in what God had in store for me and for our family.Sometimes the path that God leads us down is hard. Sometimes it is so painful that it becomes nearly unbearable. Losing you made me so angry with God. But after the anger passed, God reminded me of some very important things.He reminded me that He loves me. He reminded me that not all is lost. He reminded me that I have a Comforter that is holding me now. He reminded me that He feels every tear that I cry. He reminded me how blessed I am.He reminded me that He has given me your brother and your sister. He reminded of the joys that they are in my life. He reminded me that He has given me your Daddy. He reminded me that your Daddy is an example of what He is to me. A rock that won’t be moved. A strength that cannot be tested. A helpmate and counselor.He reminded me that I am not alone, that I have family and friends that love me and pray for me. He reminded me that we WILL see you again. That the day we find ourselves in eternity, we will find you. We will see you in the heavenly splendor of a child of God. That we will KNOW you and you will know us.My precious child, I will never stop grieving your loss. I will never forget that I once carried you inside of me. Even in my grief and sadness, I will not forget that my God is leading me. That He is holding my hand, carrying me when I stumble, holding me together when I break.I know this despair will lessen, that this grief will ease. I know that this wound will heal. I know, my dearest child, that I will hold you in my arms one day. But until that day comes, I will remember what you taught me and let God lead me through this journey.Love,Your Mommy
Writing either of those things was not easy. Writing after pain and loss won’t be easy for you either. But you are a writer. You let your feelings, your emotions, and your thoughts flow through you and into your story. Don’t be afraid to write in the pain and hard times. You just might write the best thing you’ve ever created. But you won’t know until you try.
November 10, 2014
An Explanation for the Silence
Wow, it's been a while since I've posted on my blog, or any of my author pages for that matter. And I do have a good reason. Well actually, about 50 good reasons. The last two months on the home front have been CRAZY. Yes, that's all capital letters. Because it's been that crazy here!
My next novel is 'supposed' to be released at the beginning of January. The use of quotations here may suggest that the release date is up in the air. And you'd be right. Thanks to my previously mentioned crazy few months, I'm way behind on formatting and final tweaking. So it may be pushed back a few weeks or so. Once I get past the remainder of crazy this weekend, I'll have a lot more time to concentrate on my book!
Stay tuned next week for a sneak peek of said book, as a reward for listening to me ramble on about why my life has been so crazy lately. ;)
So to start off, we added a new pet to our household a few months ago. A 6 month old green iguana which we named Iggy. He's going to get huge (he's grown 4 inches since we brought him home) so we decided to build him a custom habitat. These babies go for thousands online, which we definitely can't afford so since I'm a creative thinker and my hubby is a handy-man, we opted to make our own. I got an entertainment center for $15, bought a couple hundred $'s worth of material and we went to work. So what started out as this:
Turned into this:
Which Iggy absolutely loves. :)
As if that project wasn't enough to do, Halloween was coming up and we LOVE dressing up for that in this house. Last year, all four of us went as the Duck Dynasty family, which was super fun. This year, my 10 year old son, fresh off the Transformers: Age of Extinction kick, decided he wanted to be either Bumblebee or Optimus Prime for Halloween. Sure, why not? Until I looked at said costumes in the Halloween section and was disappointed by both the overall crapiness of said costumes and outrageous prices. This is when the crazy gene seemed to come out of the closet. I told him I would MAKE his costume. ugh.
Needless to say, we quickly decided on Optimus Prime, as he's the more boxy transformer and would be easier to duplicate with cardboard and colored foam sheets. My son also decided to go with a more 'traditional' and less Michael Bay Optimus, which made my job slightly easier. I started his costume a month before Halloween and managed to finish it the day before. No joke. It was a beast. Unfortunately, my talents stopped at getting it to transform from robot to truck but I tried to make up for the lack of creative skills with making a really awesome robot costume. I think I succeeded, though I'm pretty damn sure I'm tooting my own horn. ;)
Not so bad, right? Well my 6 year old daughter, not to be out-done, decides (like every other child this year) to be Elsa from Frozen. Another easy break, since she, as a frozen fanatic, already had the dress. Thank God. But she insisted that she needed a wig since her blonde hair, that's perfectly long enough to braid, isn't white and it needed to be in order to pull of the costume. Fine. So I made her a wig out of yarn. Then, since the temperatures were supposed to be in the mid-thirties, I went ahead and dressed up some mittens for her. And just for fun, added some snowflakes to her shoes and tiara.
The result was a Halloween that both my kids thoroughly enjoyed. But that did not end my bout with epic-craziness. Oh no. It only got worse.
My daughter turns 7 on November 15 and as is customary in this house, we start deciding what she wanted to do for her birthday a few weeks before Halloween. Traditionally, our kids get the choice of having a party with all their friends and classmates, or going somewhere cool (like St. Louis, Indianapolis, Chicago, etc) with a friend. This year, my daughter decided on a party, with EVERYBODY she knows. Fine. I can handle planning that while making an epic Optimus Prime Halloween costume. Ugh again.
At first, she wanted a Green Bay Packers party. Which my husband and I were pretty stoked about since we're HUGE Green Bay fans. And I'm thinking in the back of my mind, that a football party won't be that popular with a majority of her friends so maybe not too many people will show up. I really was thinking that until ABC aired Harry Potter week. Of course they would air the entire series leading up to Halloween and of course, my children would watch it and fall in love instantly. My easy party dreams just went up in flames like a certain Phoenix named Fawkes.
My youngest child now wants a Harry Potter party. Which I know, immediately, is going to involve some of the most detailed and over-the-top planning I've ever done. Why? Because mommy just so happens to adore Harry Potter. The books, the movies. All of it. And mommy is secretly just as excited about having a HP party as her child.
So while still working on Halloween costumes, I began the planning and creating of what I hope will my my daughter's most awesome birthday. It begins with the invitations. Which the nerd in me went completely over-board with. I think I subconsciously sent the invites before really starting anything else. Just so I would have no choice but to stick it out in case I got cold feet halfway through. Which I did. Multiple times.
Of course, they had to have owl stickers so they'd look like they were delivered by owl post.Then they had to have to exact 'address' of her classmates.Then they had to have wax seals.Then I had to super-nerd the invites so they sounded like actual Hogwarts acceptance letters.Of course I did.
My daughter even insisted on wearing an owl shirt to school the day she passed out the invitations. And I couldn't have been prouder.
Next came the details.
House scarves for each child:
Painting the wall of Platform 9 3/4 that they have to walk through to get into the wizarding world.
Hand-drawing the name tags for their treat bag cauldrons because even though I'm a giant nerd, I couldn't figure out how to fit the labels in my printer.
Then hand-drawing the signs for all the shops they'll visit to get all their goodies.
From Olivanders, they'll get their own wand, which I will describe in more detail below. From Eeylops, they'll get their own owl. From Potage's they'll get a cauldron that will serve as their goody bag. From Madam Malkin's they'll get a robe with a name tag and Hogwarts crest (which also took me days to make each one). From the 3 Broomsticks they can refresh themselves with Butterbeer, Polyjuice Potion and Hagrid's Hot Grog. Then from Honeydukes they get to choose from a variety of wizarding candies including edible wands, chocolate frogs, ton tongue taffy, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, etc.
Making potions labels and vials for their potions class. My science teacher mom has graciously agreed to be the 'professor' for this class and the kids will actually be making different 'potions'.
I was also going to make floating candles to hang from the ceiling but since it's going to be enough stuff to set up already the day of the party, I nixed the idea and went with tabletop candles instead. Due to the number of young kids that will most likely be running around with a sugar high, I also nixed the real candle idea. And I didn't want to buy the cheap looking battery operated pillar candles. So I got the cheap tea-light ones and made various sized pillars to put them in out of paper towel and toilet paper rolls and some more hot glue. I still haven't finished painting them but I still have five days. :)
And then there's the wands. 25 kids and they all get a one and each one is completely unique. The entire process to DAYS to finish. The plan is to have them try a few out and then 'magically' turn on some twinkling Christmas lights when the wand 'picks them'.I used dowel rods, a crap-ton of hot glue, and some different paints. Then labeled each one with wood type, core type and length. For me these were the coolest thing to make. :)
Along with all this craziness, I'll be making a Dangerous Wizard photo booth and custom made wizard trading cards for the chocolate frogs. I've also got a dementor (black cheesecloth and plastic skull) to hang from the ceiling and a Christmas light stag that will turn on when they correctly preform the Patronus Charm to scare away the dementor. Yeah baby. Plus some fishing line and a feather for their charms class where they'll learn to levitate objects with wingardium leviosa. Oh yeah. I also went more crazy and bought a replica sorting hat that via baby monitor, will sort all the kids into houses. All my volunteer professors have capes and witch hats to wear as well.
I expect I might have to sleep for a week after this party as I'm posting this on Monday and the party is this Saturday and I'm still not done getting everything ready. But I have faith it'll turn out amazing and will be posting pictures to prove it after the party, and after I recover. ;)
So that's what's been going on the last few months that has kept me away from social media. Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things next week and get to work so I won't have to delay the book release. :)
My next novel is 'supposed' to be released at the beginning of January. The use of quotations here may suggest that the release date is up in the air. And you'd be right. Thanks to my previously mentioned crazy few months, I'm way behind on formatting and final tweaking. So it may be pushed back a few weeks or so. Once I get past the remainder of crazy this weekend, I'll have a lot more time to concentrate on my book!
Stay tuned next week for a sneak peek of said book, as a reward for listening to me ramble on about why my life has been so crazy lately. ;)
So to start off, we added a new pet to our household a few months ago. A 6 month old green iguana which we named Iggy. He's going to get huge (he's grown 4 inches since we brought him home) so we decided to build him a custom habitat. These babies go for thousands online, which we definitely can't afford so since I'm a creative thinker and my hubby is a handy-man, we opted to make our own. I got an entertainment center for $15, bought a couple hundred $'s worth of material and we went to work. So what started out as this:
Turned into this:
Which Iggy absolutely loves. :)
As if that project wasn't enough to do, Halloween was coming up and we LOVE dressing up for that in this house. Last year, all four of us went as the Duck Dynasty family, which was super fun. This year, my 10 year old son, fresh off the Transformers: Age of Extinction kick, decided he wanted to be either Bumblebee or Optimus Prime for Halloween. Sure, why not? Until I looked at said costumes in the Halloween section and was disappointed by both the overall crapiness of said costumes and outrageous prices. This is when the crazy gene seemed to come out of the closet. I told him I would MAKE his costume. ugh.
Needless to say, we quickly decided on Optimus Prime, as he's the more boxy transformer and would be easier to duplicate with cardboard and colored foam sheets. My son also decided to go with a more 'traditional' and less Michael Bay Optimus, which made my job slightly easier. I started his costume a month before Halloween and managed to finish it the day before. No joke. It was a beast. Unfortunately, my talents stopped at getting it to transform from robot to truck but I tried to make up for the lack of creative skills with making a really awesome robot costume. I think I succeeded, though I'm pretty damn sure I'm tooting my own horn. ;)
Not so bad, right? Well my 6 year old daughter, not to be out-done, decides (like every other child this year) to be Elsa from Frozen. Another easy break, since she, as a frozen fanatic, already had the dress. Thank God. But she insisted that she needed a wig since her blonde hair, that's perfectly long enough to braid, isn't white and it needed to be in order to pull of the costume. Fine. So I made her a wig out of yarn. Then, since the temperatures were supposed to be in the mid-thirties, I went ahead and dressed up some mittens for her. And just for fun, added some snowflakes to her shoes and tiara.
The result was a Halloween that both my kids thoroughly enjoyed. But that did not end my bout with epic-craziness. Oh no. It only got worse.
My daughter turns 7 on November 15 and as is customary in this house, we start deciding what she wanted to do for her birthday a few weeks before Halloween. Traditionally, our kids get the choice of having a party with all their friends and classmates, or going somewhere cool (like St. Louis, Indianapolis, Chicago, etc) with a friend. This year, my daughter decided on a party, with EVERYBODY she knows. Fine. I can handle planning that while making an epic Optimus Prime Halloween costume. Ugh again.
At first, she wanted a Green Bay Packers party. Which my husband and I were pretty stoked about since we're HUGE Green Bay fans. And I'm thinking in the back of my mind, that a football party won't be that popular with a majority of her friends so maybe not too many people will show up. I really was thinking that until ABC aired Harry Potter week. Of course they would air the entire series leading up to Halloween and of course, my children would watch it and fall in love instantly. My easy party dreams just went up in flames like a certain Phoenix named Fawkes.
My youngest child now wants a Harry Potter party. Which I know, immediately, is going to involve some of the most detailed and over-the-top planning I've ever done. Why? Because mommy just so happens to adore Harry Potter. The books, the movies. All of it. And mommy is secretly just as excited about having a HP party as her child.
So while still working on Halloween costumes, I began the planning and creating of what I hope will my my daughter's most awesome birthday. It begins with the invitations. Which the nerd in me went completely over-board with. I think I subconsciously sent the invites before really starting anything else. Just so I would have no choice but to stick it out in case I got cold feet halfway through. Which I did. Multiple times.
Of course, they had to have owl stickers so they'd look like they were delivered by owl post.Then they had to have to exact 'address' of her classmates.Then they had to have wax seals.Then I had to super-nerd the invites so they sounded like actual Hogwarts acceptance letters.Of course I did.
My daughter even insisted on wearing an owl shirt to school the day she passed out the invitations. And I couldn't have been prouder.
Next came the details.
House scarves for each child:
Painting the wall of Platform 9 3/4 that they have to walk through to get into the wizarding world.
Hand-drawing the name tags for their treat bag cauldrons because even though I'm a giant nerd, I couldn't figure out how to fit the labels in my printer.Then hand-drawing the signs for all the shops they'll visit to get all their goodies.
From Olivanders, they'll get their own wand, which I will describe in more detail below. From Eeylops, they'll get their own owl. From Potage's they'll get a cauldron that will serve as their goody bag. From Madam Malkin's they'll get a robe with a name tag and Hogwarts crest (which also took me days to make each one). From the 3 Broomsticks they can refresh themselves with Butterbeer, Polyjuice Potion and Hagrid's Hot Grog. Then from Honeydukes they get to choose from a variety of wizarding candies including edible wands, chocolate frogs, ton tongue taffy, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, etc.
Making potions labels and vials for their potions class. My science teacher mom has graciously agreed to be the 'professor' for this class and the kids will actually be making different 'potions'.
I was also going to make floating candles to hang from the ceiling but since it's going to be enough stuff to set up already the day of the party, I nixed the idea and went with tabletop candles instead. Due to the number of young kids that will most likely be running around with a sugar high, I also nixed the real candle idea. And I didn't want to buy the cheap looking battery operated pillar candles. So I got the cheap tea-light ones and made various sized pillars to put them in out of paper towel and toilet paper rolls and some more hot glue. I still haven't finished painting them but I still have five days. :)
And then there's the wands. 25 kids and they all get a one and each one is completely unique. The entire process to DAYS to finish. The plan is to have them try a few out and then 'magically' turn on some twinkling Christmas lights when the wand 'picks them'.I used dowel rods, a crap-ton of hot glue, and some different paints. Then labeled each one with wood type, core type and length. For me these were the coolest thing to make. :)
Along with all this craziness, I'll be making a Dangerous Wizard photo booth and custom made wizard trading cards for the chocolate frogs. I've also got a dementor (black cheesecloth and plastic skull) to hang from the ceiling and a Christmas light stag that will turn on when they correctly preform the Patronus Charm to scare away the dementor. Yeah baby. Plus some fishing line and a feather for their charms class where they'll learn to levitate objects with wingardium leviosa. Oh yeah. I also went more crazy and bought a replica sorting hat that via baby monitor, will sort all the kids into houses. All my volunteer professors have capes and witch hats to wear as well.
I expect I might have to sleep for a week after this party as I'm posting this on Monday and the party is this Saturday and I'm still not done getting everything ready. But I have faith it'll turn out amazing and will be posting pictures to prove it after the party, and after I recover. ;)
So that's what's been going on the last few months that has kept me away from social media. Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things next week and get to work so I won't have to delay the book release. :)
September 25, 2014
Dear Authors Who Are Moms - Thursday's With The Author - September 25, 2014
Dear Authors Who Are Moms,
Since you're either going to be too busy to read this or will only be able to read it in short snippets between interruptions and chaos, I'm going to lay it all out there for you.
You are amazing.
Seriously.
And yes, you can smile as you read that through the splatter of unknown substance currently residing on your screen.
I'd say I don't know how you do it, but I'm doing it myself right now. Actually, I don't know how I'm doing it either.
We must be crazy. Or running on two hours of sleep and only one cup of coffee so far. Or both.
As authors, self-published or traditionally published, we give ourselves deadlines. Have the first chapter done by Friday. Have the ending finished by the end of the month. Send off to the editor by Christmas. Ready to publish in a year.
Most authors don't have a problem meeting all their deadlines. But most authors aren't moms as well. Stay-At-Home-Moms to be exact. Writing isn't your job. Writing is something you'd like to be your job, if you can ever find the time to actually write between diaper changes, spills and nose wiping. Being a parent is your job.
And a hell of a job it is.
Most people don't appreciate what it is, exactly, that you do.
Perhaps you get up before 5 a.m. Just to try and squeeze something in before your children wake up, because once they wake up, you'll have no time. Maybe you're squeezing in a morning workout, doing some dishes, picking up the toys that you left lying on the floor from last night. Maybe you're really lucky, and you're on your laptop or computer, trying to pump out a few thousand words.
Then, the kids wake up.
Parents that work early enough to miss out on this daily ritual, like my husband, have no idea how lucky they are. We'll just focus on the moms who have school aged kids, even if only some of their kids are in school, for now. You have two options for how your kids proceed here. You either have the child that wakes up and is raring to go at the slightest noise, or you have the child that literally has to be dragged out of their beds, still half-asleep and looking like something straight out of the Walking Dead, a lot later than you intended for them to get up. I have one of each.
Then there's the breakfast ritual. You know by now, to have a million different options for your child in the morning because you KNOW they'll pick something different every day. And whatever you happen to be out of on any given day is exactly what they HAD to have for breakfast. And if you have more than one child, don't bank on them making it easy and picking the same thing to eat. That hardly ever happens. And if it does, you better go buy a scratch-off lottery ticket, because it's your lucky day.
After breakfast comes getting ready for school. This ritual can be its own version of hell. I used to think that girls would always be harder than boys. And for a few years, while my kids were young, that was true. But now my son has hit the pre-pubescent age of 11 and has become stubbornly picky about what he wears to school. Then there's my daughter. Six years old and a total tomboy but that doesn't stop her from being a total diva about her clothes too. So now mom has gone through a few outfits between each kids. Requested (or forced, depending on the day) their children to brush their teeth and hair (and if you have a girl, the hair brushing is a whole other ball game), get on their shoes and make sure their backpacks are ready to go.
Now comes the surprise rituals. Your older child has homework that didn't get done last night! Oops! Between cooking dinner, bath time, dishes, laundry, chasing the pet around the house while it chewed on your favorite pair of shoes, dance class or football practice, and god knows what else that normally comes up in an average mom-night, you completely forgot to check for homework. Now you have T- minus ten minutes before your kid is supposed to be at the bus-stop/school.
Or, there's the gem of: "I want cold lunch today." I'll stop here and give an extra special shout-out to all the moms who pack lunches for their children every day. You are extra-awesome. I can barely figure out what I'm going to cook for dinner every night, let alone pack a nutritious, well-balanced but delicious, lunch for my two kids, every day. I think I'd have a mental breakdown on a weekly basis if I even attempted it. Usually, which in mom-speak, means: if I remember (also highly unlikely), we go through the school's lunch menu at the beginning of the week and figure out who wants cold or hot lunch for that week. But sometimes (meaning: quite often) those cold lunch days, just sneak up on us! Which means you now have T-minus 1 minute until school. So now you're frantically trying to pack a last-minute lunch with the remaining groceries you have in your house, since you haven't had the time to go grocery shopping yet either.
Now it's the race to get to school on time. Maybe you caught the bus right as it was preparing to pull away and pull in front of it to stop it like some crazed cop chasing down a convict. Possibly you hit the school parking lot seconds before the tardy bell rings. Perhaps you completely missed the bus and now have to drive your child to the next town over to take them to school. Regardless of how they get there, now you can relax and write, yes?
Ummm, no.
You see most of us stay-at-home moms have other children that aren't school aged yet, which means our day has only just begun. Sometimes, like me, you've received an extra-crazy gene and have decided to provide childcare for other parents, since you're staying at home anyway. Either way, you have no relaxing writing time in your near future. You are now changing diapers, catching toys being thrown, turning on Doc McStuffins for the millionth time, doing dishes, making mad dashes to the potty, kissing boo-boos, making snacks and lunch, taking field-trips, reading stories, and so on, and so on. The day is never ending.
Maybe, just maybe, you'll be lucky enough to score nap time after lunch. IF you can get all the kids put down at the same time. If you're so lucky, you'll possibly have the housework caught up, or at least fairly managed enough to sit down and crack open your laptop. Usually, this is when your luck will run out and your computer will have a half hour long update, the washer will go berserk and scare the crap out of your kids resulting in a half hour of crying, a train will go by, waking up your lighter sleepers with no chance of returning to sleep, the FedEx man will show up and knock on the door, the phone will ring, the dog will barf up half your shoe, the cat will get outside, a thunderstorm will roll through knocking the power out... You name it and it has probably happened to you.
If you get some writing time in, it's usually cut short by kids waking up, or the fact that it's time to pick up the older kids from school already. Once school is over you'll have another mad dash for snacks, maybe some homework, maybe playing peacekeeper between at least half of your children. Then there's realizing you forgot to get anything out of the freezer for dinner, or getting everybody ready for football, or dance, or piano lessons, or whatever else you thought would be a good idea to add to your schedule. The half-second mental break when you realize, not for the first time, that hindsight really is 20/20. Bath time, story time, more homework time and FINALLY, you make it to bedtime. Which in itself is usually a battle. But then they're finally asleep and you have an hour, maybe two, of exhausted, near-comatose, alone time.
But there's still the laundry and dishes, the pets, the hubby wanting some 'mommy and daddy' time, and that 5000 word quota you made for yourself. You might get a few of them checked off the list. You might put a few off until tomorrow. If you're really lucky (and willing to sacrifice a few hours sleep that you'll surely regret tomorrow), you'll get them all squeezed in.
Now look back on the day you just had. Multiply that 5 days for the school-week. Add two even crazier days for the weekend when everyone is home. Don't even attempt to get anything done on school breaks when your kids are home 24/7 (and attempting to kill each other every few hours).
And still, through all that chaos, you've managed to finish that chapter, or the book, or send it off to the editor, or hit the 'publish' button. All while being a mom.
You rock.
You are crazy.
You are crazy awesome.
And you just might have the best jobs in the world.
Sincerely,
The one who wanted to walk a mile in your shoes and is currently on a Forest Gump-esque cross-country run.
August 24, 2014
Get My First Two Books - FREE!!!!
Tomorrow is your chance to get my first two books FREE OF CHARGE!!!! That's right! Dark Mountains and Irish Strength (The Irish Treasures Saga Book 1) eBook editions, will be free tomorrow for one day only!
Don't have an eReader? No problem! The Kindle reading app is available FOR FREE on any smartphone, tablet, eReader, computer, or laptop!
Prefer print books? Remember, ALL my eBooks are free at the Kindle store if you have purchased a print version through Amazon!
Also as a heads up, I will be having a giveaway for Irish Heart (The Irish Treasures Saga Book 2) on Goodreads. The giveaway starts September 1 and there's only 10 copies available, so make sure you sign up for your chance to win!!!! :)
Happy reading!
Here's the links for Dark Mountains:
Amazon US
Amazon UK
Here's the links for Irish Strength:
Amazon US
Amazon UK
Don't have an eReader? No problem! The Kindle reading app is available FOR FREE on any smartphone, tablet, eReader, computer, or laptop!
Prefer print books? Remember, ALL my eBooks are free at the Kindle store if you have purchased a print version through Amazon!
Also as a heads up, I will be having a giveaway for Irish Heart (The Irish Treasures Saga Book 2) on Goodreads. The giveaway starts September 1 and there's only 10 copies available, so make sure you sign up for your chance to win!!!! :)
Happy reading!
Here's the links for Dark Mountains:
Amazon US
Amazon UK
Here's the links for Irish Strength:
Amazon US
Amazon UK
July 24, 2014
Point Of View - Get It Right, The Way YOU Want It - Thursdays with the Author - July 24, 2014
I recently had a chat with another writer about Point of View. The story she is currently working on is in first person, like my first book, Dark Mountains, was written. That conversation spurred this blog post topic:
What is Point of View, more commonly knows as: POV?
POV is what viewpoint the story is being written.
Is it multiple characters talking? Is it a new point of view every chapter like George RR Martin writes in the Song of Ice and Fire books? Is it first person, told through the eyes of one character, like Stephanie Meyer writes in the Twilight Saga? Is it third-person and narrated by someone omniscient, describing everything that is going on?
There are plenty of different thoughts on POV. Some think an all-seeing narrator is the best way to write. Others think first person lacks the perspective to describe things well. Some think multiple POV's too confusing.
Here's the thing. They are ALL right.
Huh?
Let me explain.
An author is the only person capable of writing THEIR story. It's their's after all. Their creative process. Their brain thinking up the plots and characters. Their heart pounding the emotions out through the tapping of a keyboard. Their souls giving everything they've got the the characters and story that they HAVE to tell.
It doesn't matter if it's in first person or no person. It's THEIR story.
Not every reader will like it. Not every lover of third person will smile dreamily over your first person novel. That's ok. Like I've said many, many times before: You CAN'T please everyone. You are the writer. The first person you should please is yourself. It's your creation. Your baby. Write what you feel, no matter what the POV, and finish your story. THEN, and only then, do you go back and make it right.
Make it right? I thought you said no matter what POV it was right?
That's right. I did. And I meant it.
It doesn't matter what POV you write in as long as you do it correctly. If it's done right, the majority of your book's readers won't care what POV it's written in.
First you need to pick the right POV. For most authors, that is a simple decision. But for others, the question dogs them until the end.
Finding the right POV to use is simpler than it seems. Picking the right POV is finding the right balance between intimacy and perspective. You want the reader to be able to feel what your characters are going through, but on the same hand, other characters, themes, or revelations need to be presented. The character that has the most at stake, or the most to lose, or adds the most depth and value to the story. THAT is the character the POV needs to focus on. That is the character that will draw the reader in and attach their emotions to emotions of the very character they're reading of. That character will live in your reader until they read the words 'The End'. And if you've done it right, long after those words.
Below, I will explain the different types of POV and how they're broken up. Once you understand what they mean and how they're written, you'll have a much easier time deciding which POV to use in your novel.
First Person
Told in present tense, sometimes in past tense:
I, We, Me, Mine, Us
The story is told by one character, normally the hero or heroine or by someone close enough to the key events to describe them.
Writing in this POV creates a few advantages, like only having to write through one person's mind, eyes, and emotions. You can easily create a distinctive internal voice. But that also creates some problems. The entire story is limited to ONLY what the narrator sees/hears/feels. Your narrator never gets a break. EVERYTHING that happens is seen through his/her eyes. You have no idea what other characters are feeling or thinking unless that character says it to your narrator. This limits any emotional attachment with your reader and any other characters.
There is also a 'sub-section' to First Person:
Narrator vs. Viewpoint Character.
Narrator First Person is when the narrator (who is also the Viewpoint Character) is looking back on his/her life, whether a day or years later. Whatever the age and maturity the narrator starts out as is what it always comes back to when the narrator takes control again.
Viewpoint Character is when the narrator is telling the reader what is happening right now (or during a flashback), as the events are unfolding. If the narrator is flashing back to his/her teenage self in Fist Person Viewpoint Character, the language, mannerisms, opinions, etc. all change depending on where the character is when he/she takes over the narrating.
Think of it like this: If you're in your 30's do you think and talk the same way as your 14-year-old self? No. And neither will the character narrating when switching from Narrator to Viewpoint Character.
Think Forrest Gump. Forrest begins the story as the Narrator, (older, wiser, and changed by the events that happened to him) and begins to describe his life by flashing back to different times in his life in First Person Viewpoint Character. Suddenly the reader isn't remembering what happened as it's being described. The reader is living it.
I use this mix in my novel Dark Mountains. Cole begins narrating the book in First Person Narrator, but flashes back on his life in First Person Viewpoint Character. I even throw a little bit of First Person Character Viewpoint switch when Cole is injured in Iraq and Libby briefly narrates through First Person Character Viewpoint to explain what is happening to Cole while he is unconscious.
Second Person
Told in past or present tense:
You, You're, Your, You'd
The narrator is speaking directly TO the reader and making the reader BECOME the character.
The least liked POV for writers and publishers. Usually works best in short books, cookbooks, or how-to books. This POV can cause quite a few uncomfortable situations for the reader. Because the reader suddenly becomes the character (not simply empathetic to the character) things the character says/does/thinks/etc. can distract and even offend the reader.
Third Person
Told in past tense:
He, She, It, They, Them
The narrator is an omniscient observer of the characters and scenes in the novel.
This one can be broken into 'sub' Third Person and broken into the four Third Person Roles
Omniscient Third Person - the narrator floats through the novel seemingly wherever it wants. The narrator explains everything that is going on with each character, leaving no room for guessing at emotions or thoughts.
Limited Third Person - The narrator is taken through the story by one character, with that character's thoughts, emotions, dreams, opinions, being the only ones the reader sees. The narrator can only guess at what other characters are thinking and feeling.
Limited Third Person can switch to another character's viewpoint. This provides the reader a 'break' emotionally when switching to a new character, but there has to be a clear break in the actual writing: a new chapter (think Game of Thrones), italics, page break, page lines, etc. The narrator CANNOT change mid-sentence or mid-paragraph.
Also, the character you switch the viewpoint to HAS TO HAVE a distinct voice. A common problem with Third Person is that the writer's characters all sound the same, regardless of who has the viewpoint. Each character should have their own quirks and mannerisms.
Be careful when writing Limited Third Person. It's easier than you'd think to begin narrating as the 'author' instead of the character.
In Third Person, the author can start out as an Omniscient narrator then switch back and forth to Limited.
So what's the difference between these two Third Person options?
Distance and time.
In Omniscient Third Person, the reader can't fully invest in one character because the viewpoint changes often and without warning but the story is told quicker.
In Limited Third Person, it takes longer to explain the story but the reader gets a deeper, more intimate connection to the character(s). This POV is the most commonly used by authors.
Third Person Roles:
Author: The reader needs to forget that the author of the novel is narrating, instead, seeing it as a kind of invisible witness. While writing, the author can't think of themselves as writing a book. They have to place themselves in the world they are writing about as a god-like figure that can see/hear/feel/understand everything that's going on. But even God has his own opinions and so does the author when narrating.
Narrator: The narrator isn't one of the characters. The narrator makes it so the reader cares about all the characters in the novel and what happens to them. Unlike with the Author Role, the narrator's thoughts/opinions on the characters and events, don't matter. Only the description of events matter so the reader can create their own thoughts/opinions. The narrator is neutral and non-opinionated.
Viewpoint Character: Any character the narrator/author is 'homed in on' is the Viewpoint Character. You can write the entire novel with only one Viewpoint Character or use multiple Viewpoint Characters throughout the story. Viewpoint Character is the most intimate of the POV rolls. When the narrator is using Viewpoint Character, that character's word choice, grammar, attitude, opinion, accent, pet phrases, etc. are what the reader sees and invests in. Keep in mind, each time you switch to a new character's viewpoint, all those things must change with the character switch as well.
Protagonist: The Protagonist is the leading/central character, or the person whose story lies at the heart of the novel (Think Forrest Gump). Usually Viewpoint Character and Protagonist Role will be the same, unless you switch characters in the Viewpoint Character.
When to NOT use the Protagonist role: 1) When the protagonist is too extraordinary (thoughts, intelligence, language, physical strength, etc) for the reader to relate too. 2) When the protagonist needs to be kept mysterious. 3)When you want to keep the reader guessing until a later time. 4) The protagonist is going to die. (Obviously, you can't kill your narrator!)
Some other tips on POV:
Be careful if you switch POV or POV rolls throughout a novel. The reader will become confused on what character they are supposed to be sympathizing with.
No matter what POV you are using, the narrator should NEVER tell the reader something that the narrator couldn't possibly know. The reader will see the suddenly absurd information and instead of staying invested in the story, will be left wondering, 'How did they know that?'.
Now that you've slogged through all the tips on POV, remember the biggest tip I can give you! Keep Writing! :)
Good luck and happy writing!
July 10, 2014
Free eBook Saturday, July 12!!!!
Irish Strength (The Irish Treasures Saga - Book 1) will be FREE one day only, Saturday, July 12! Find this eBook edition at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HLKY9ZE
Get caught up on the beginning of the Irish Treasures Saga before you get the newly released Book Two, Irish Heart, available now! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LKTF2XA
Get caught up on the beginning of the Irish Treasures Saga before you get the newly released Book Two, Irish Heart, available now! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LKTF2XA
July 7, 2014
Irish Heart is now live!!!!
Irish Heart (Irish Treasures Saga - Book Two) is now AVAILABLE!!!!!!!!!For Print edition, the best place to purchase is from the manufacturer (no middle man) at CreateSpaceeBook edition can be found at AmazonYou can find all my books at Author CentralAlso, If you've read Irish Strength and would like to leave a review, I would greatly appreciate it! If you purchased Irish Strength, you can leave a review on the amazon page. If you received it as a gift, you can leave reviews on Goodreads.com. Thank you all for your support!!!!!!
June 6, 2014
Quick Update
Quick Update
Sorry for the few weeks of silence everyone! It's been extremely hectic on the home front the last few weeks. My kids just finished up school, and now that summer's here, my daycare has become very full! Trying to find time to do ANYTHING with so many kids running around is pretty much impossible!My daughter started softball, which I happened to volunteer to coach, so 2 evenings out of every week are now gone as well. My niece is also playing softball, in another town, so there's another 1-2 days gone! ;)
Added to that, we are planning a road trip from Illinois to Texas at the end of the month. Three adults and three kids for 18 hours in one mini-van. Scheduled to get back 4 days before release date. I may just go crazy. I'll keep you posted on that! ;)
And the real reason, I have been skimping out on my blog lately is because (in the small free time I actually DO have) I've been working hard to get Irish Heart ready for it's June 30th release! You'd think with this being my third book to self-publish, that the process would be easier but it sure isn't. This book, I'm having trouble getting copyright permission for the photo I want to use on the cover. That has been a real kicker for me as I want to give you guys a beautiful cover that also fits the flow of the first novel, Irish Strength. Not an easy task!
So I imagine you won't be hearing much out of me for the next few weeks as I try to tackle all these crazy things! I hope you're all excited to see book 2 of The Irish Treasures Saga! I know I'm excited to give it to you!
May 22, 2014
Creating A Cover For Your Book - What You Should Do - Thursdays with the Author - May 22, 2014
Creating a Cover For Your Book
What You Should Do
Back in my post Creating a Cover For Your Book - What Not To Do, I went over some humorous and important things to avoid when creating a cover.
Today's post will contain some things you should definitely be sure to include while making your cover.
If you can afford it, hire a reputable cover designer, and let them create the masterpiece for you. But if you're like me, and spending the money is NOT an option for you, check all these tips to make sure you're doing it right! :)
1) Quality Images300 DPI (dots per inch) is the minimal requirement for nearly every self-publishing company. When searching for images online, typing HDR (high definition resolution) will weed out any Lowe quality images.
2) Don't Sacrifice Quality for SizeIf keeping the quality of an image means the image won't fill the front cover, stick with quality. Quality of the image, even the font, should never be lost.
3) Title and Author Must be Easy to ReadNo crazy, confusing fonts. No small font size. The title and author name should be clear and very easy to read. Some authors like to have their name larger than their title, while others prefer the opposite, or equal sizes. If you ate a new, or relatively unknown author, your name should NOT be bigger than the title. When you are well-known enough that your NAME is what sells the book, THEN you can have your name equal or greater in size than the cover. Examples: Steven King, Tom Clancy, Nora Roberts, Nicholas Sparks.
4) Pick a Theme and Stick With ItYour cover shouldn't be tying to explain every theme that happens in your novel. Pick a main theme or general appearance you'd like to covey, and stick with it. This goes for images, fonts, and general colors. Ever heard of the saying, 'less is more'? This applies to your book cover as well. Sometimes the simplest cover is the most stunning.
5) Have Something in the Background Color, texture, a background image. DO NOT leave the background white UNLESS you have a border around the cover. A white background will be lost on retailer websites.
6) Use Contrast
White on black, black over white, red on black, orange over blue, etc. A central image, a line of text... make it stand out from the rest of your novel. Perfect examples of this are the Twilight Saga Book Covers.
7) Put Your Cover Next to the Same Genre at the Store and See How Well it Fits In AND How Well it Stands Out!
You don't want your book to seem like it doesn't belong on that shelf but you do want to make sure it can be noticed when surrounded by all the other books out there.
May 15, 2014
Writing 'Ugly' Into Your Romance Novel - Thursday with the Author - May15, 2014
Have you ever been reading a romance and nearly choked on the sweetness coming from the pages? Have you ever finished a novel and wished, just once, one of the characters actually seemed real?
We know it's a romance... We know a HEA (happily ever after) is required. But that doesn't mean the characters are just chasing butterflies and smelling roses the entire time.
In my first novel, Dark Mountains, the front cover blurb says it all. It states: "Not every happily ever after comes easily. Some love stories are born in the dark."
In that book, the main heroine comes from a violent, and abusive family situation that follows her to adulthood. The hero has to stop playing the knight in shining armor to serve his country in Iraq, where he nearly dies. Both characters have to overcome extreme situations, both physically and emotionally damaging, to get to their HEA.
In my second novel, Irish Strength, the heroine is running from her violent, soon-to-be ex, when she finds the road to her HEA.
All my books contain real life struggles and situations that affect everyday people. True love doesn't just fall in their lap, especially right after living out a 'perfect life'.
Your writing needs to reflect real life as well. Multiple failed relationships, abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, low self esteem, miscarriage, infertility, unemployed, stubborness, obesity, etc. etc. etc.
A reader will never be able to connect with your character(s) if they are larger than life and 'perfect'. They will sympathize with the mother that's lost her child, feel the shame of the woman who's been beaten, carry the regret when the hero relalizes his pride may have cost him the one thing he truly needs, struggle with the man who just can't leave the bottle in the cabinet.
Those are the type of characters readers will connect with. Those are the HEA's that are believable. Those are the stories that are unforgettable.
Are you writing enough 'ugly' in your romance?
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