T.K. Rapp's Blog, page 15

Been a While….

 

I wrote this. Written by me. How many ways is there to say this same thing???

As of today, I have officially, published my first book. It’s now live on Amazon, which makes me nervous.

I’ve always admired those who make the leap to put their heart and soul out there on full display…but I don’t have that feeling for myself. It doesn’t feel real, and even seems a little strange to refer to myself as a writer. I’m not sure if/when that feeling will change, but if it does, I’ll let you know.

I don’t even think I can say or think it without making a face. 

I have thanked the people who helped and encouraged me along the way, but I don’t know if it’s enough. I have been so blessed to have my own private cheering section, the loudest and most prominent of which have been my daughters. They want to read my book…but I won’t let them…and they have asked me everyday, “how’s your book going, mom?”

Yesterday was a big day in my house because I had to upload the file (which is a painful process – at least for me), so I was stuck at my desk, in my awful chair, for six hours. SIX HOURS! But my girls spoiled me, making me iced tea (just the way I like it) and bringing me a cute snack. When my husband came home, he insisted we go out to dinner to celebrate. What I love is that he’s not celebrating my success as a writer, he’s celebrating my success on completing a life-long dream. So whatever happens with this, I am so very happy to have done something I’ve only dreamed of doing.

If you decide to read it, I hope you like it. If you like it, I hope you tell someone else. If you don’t like it, I understand, not everyone is going to, and that’s okay. I just hope that if you don’t like it, that if nothing else, you can say, “It’s well-written, but it’s just not my thing.” Haha. 

Anyway, thanks for reading this post…if you did. I’m tired, delirious even, so I’m going to try to wake myself up. Have a great day!!

One item scratched off the bucket list….a million more to go!

~TK

 

 

 

 

Filed under: Books, Dreams, Embarrassment, Feedback, Goal Setting, Nervous, Ramblings, Thoughts, Writing Tagged: Being There, books, Bucket List, heart and soul, leap, life long dream, Novel, T.K. Rapp, writing

The End…

My printed manuscript and the bottle of wine my friend Kim brought me. Super Sweet!!

Wow…it’s crazy to actually have written those words. Late Thursday night, technically, Friday morning, I finished my book. When I wrote those last two magical words, I had the biggest smile on my face. At 2:30 in the morning, I climbed into bed and just before I fell asleep, I told my husband, “I finished.” Magic, I’m telling you…best sleep I’ve had in a while, even if it was only 3 hours!

So Friday I printed that bad-boy out with the intention of reading it, but things got in the way. This is what my task is for the week. Reading and revising before I let anyone see what came of my sitting in front of this computer non-stop.

Will I like it? – Crazy question if you ask me, but I keep asking myself that. I know there are parts that I love, and there are parts I need to fix. I can’t share it with anyone else, unless I love it first.

Will they like it? – Terrified to know. I mean, this is something I created, and if it’s not liked by those closest to me, then I know it doesn’t stand a chance in the “real” world. BUT, I would rather my closest peeps tell me before it goes out…and luckily, I have a really honest group of them around me, so I trust whatever they say, it’s the truth.

Is it worth actually putting out there? – No answer for this one. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

But I can say this, I have slowly started sharing with my friends and family that I am writing a book. I mentioned to some it was a dream, I mentioned to others I was thinking about it, and the rest, I said I’m going to try. So the last few days I have told more this: “I finished my book.” I absolutely LOVE these people because their reactions consist of : “I’m so proud of you,” “What’s next?, “That’s awesome,” “I can’t believe you did that!”

With that kind of support, who can’t take on the world? ME! Haha. I just have to get over my nerves and read it and reread it and share and take the constructive criticism that comes my way. And we’ll see what happens.

~Ton

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! You are the most amazing person and I am so blessed to have you in my life!!

Filed under: Books, Dreams, Feedback, Goal Setting, Insight, Ramblings, Thoughts, Writing Tagged: books, creativity, happy dance, Idea, Inspiration, Rambling, T.A.Rapp, Thankful, Tonya, writing

Butterflies…

THESE are in my stomach right now!

This morning I sit here with a massive amount of butterflies in my stomach. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why…then it hit me.

I’m almost done!

I have spent the last six weeks writing and thinking and taking notes. Writing more and erasing and then writing again. Somehow, through all of it, I have managed to meet my little goals that I have set along the way. And I think I have I story worth sharing…maybe.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so motivated to do something like this and it makes me nervous and excited all at one time. This whole process is overwhelming and I have to keep myself in check. No sense making any unnecessary moves ahead of time, so I am trying to be patient.

Doubt seeps in and I don’t know that it’s anything that people would want to read, but as I have said again and again, writing it was my dream. The rest, whatever that is, is just icing. I expect my first draft to be completed by this weekend and again…that makes me NERVOUS! So what’s next?

Here come the butterflies…I have enlisted my brutally honest, but kind-hearted, straight-talking friend #1 to read it for me. I know that any feedback I receive is coming from a place of wanting to help, so I can take that criticism. Friends #2, #3 & #4 will follow and hopefully, by the time it’s been read and picked over, something good will come from it. Those four are just my start. I still want people who aren’t close to me to check it out too.

JEEZ! These butterflies are driving me nuts today! OMG….I kinda almost did it. I think I’m a little shocked right now.

~T

Filed under: BETA, Books, Dreams, Feedback, Goal Setting, Nervous, Ramblings, Thoughts, Writing Tagged: books, creativity, happy dance, Inspiration, Rambling, Thankful, TKAM78, Tonya, Tonya Killian, writing

Thank You for the Advice…

Ernest Hemingway – pic from Biography.com

So there is a quote attributed to Hemingway, “Write drunk; edit sober.” However, I believe this is possibly a summary of another quote of his which was, “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

I’m not certain about this, but nonetheless, I like both quotes. Here’s why…

The few people that are reading this blog know that I am trying to write a book. I have loved the process of doing this, and it’s just fulfilling a lifelong dream of going for it. I’m so happy, that if it never sees the light of day, I will be okay with that.

Okay…back to my point. I have been writing daily and everyday, I love it a little more…that is until I felt like nothing else was coming out of me. I hit a wall; but I wasn’t ready to give up.

So yesterday, my husband asked me to meet him for lunch. Meeting him for lunch is a 45 minute drive…each. way. But this proved to be just what I needed. I had to walk away from my story for a bit – clear my head. This drive was where my ideas sparked to life…while I listened to the radio…LOUDLY. (An aside…I HATE the sound of my own voice) The ideas were flowing like crazy, so I had to pull out my phone and record my ideas, for fear I would forget them. I always think I’ll remember, but never do. But, listening to said ideas, only made more come to life!

Which leads me to last night, and the above mentioned quote. I was sitting here, not knowing where to begin when I started chatting with my girlfriend…lets call her Meme. (Haha). She was having a glass of wine, and it hit me, I needed wine. Okay, so two glasses, but that’s neither here nor there…three. Anyway, it was during a two hour span that I wrote and wrote…and wrote! Suddenly, the damn brick wall I’d hit crashed and everything started working out.

So, Mr. Hemingway…thank you for your words of wisdom. I shall have fun editing, I’m sure, but I love what I accomplished last night. And since it was the suggestion of my lovely Meme….she will be responsible for helping me weed through this to figure out if it is worth putting out for public consumption.

Filed under: Insight, Ramblings, Thoughts Tagged: Hemingway, Idea, Thank You, writing

Chuggin’ Along…

I can’t believe it’s March, I wish time would slow, just a little.

Everyday, I manage to get a little more done toward achieving my goal. Everyday, I give myself a mental pat on the back. And everyday, I second guess myself. But somehow, I am still pushing myself.

One of my 2013 goals was to write a book. No intention of really doing anything with it. But it’s something that I have always ALWAYS wanted to do. I’ve never had the desire to really be published, hell, I don’t even know if I’m good enough for something like that. But it’s more of a “bucket list” item…“Write a book” Check. I’m actually having alot of fun doing it.

My mom and my sister are extremely creative women. I have always been in awe of what they can come up with. Both were art majors and just ooze awesomeness. I am more like my dad, he’s a perfectionist and skilled in what he loves, which for him was homebuilding. Anyway, I’m like my dad because when I find something I love, I do it and do it well. Very well, actually. SO not trying to toot my own horn, here. But my gift or talent is writing. If I go back and look at old journals, I’m actually surprised by things I have written, even as a teenager.

So for 2013, I decided to jump in and go for it. IF something were to come out of it, great. If not, I’m so completely happy with that too, because, in the end, I will have done something I have always wanted to do. I have slowly started telling people what I have been up to, which terrifies me. I’m afraid of the judgements, questions and doubts that people may have. But to my surprise, the few that I have told have been so supportive. No one more so than my 10 year-old. She has always written short stories that are very descriptive; she has a way with words. But now, she’s starting to write more and more and asks me daily,”How’s your book coming, mom?” Knowing that my daughters think I can do this, makes me feel like a superhero.

So, if I can see this thing through to completion, I’ll show my girls that you can do anything that you want to do. Like I said, just writing it has been a dream. Making it happen? Well, that’s my new dream.

TA!

~Tonya

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: books, creativity, Rambling, Tonya Killian, writing

35…

So, yesterday was my bday!

Was I happy about it? NO

Did it happen anyway? Yup!

So, I decided that YESTERDAY, my b-day is my “New Year.” So resolutions be damned…I’m making b-day resolutions. Okay, and those are pretty much the same as my “other” resolutions…so nothing changes.

I got lots of Facebook love, texts from family & friends and some entertaining phone calls. A few things made my day complete:

A story written by my daughter
A song sung to me, and written by my other daughter
Live & Die by the Avett Brothers (It’s my song of the day) on HEAVY rotation in my car & on my computer
An email from Colleen Hoover

HOWEVER….

The highlight of my evening ended with a family dinner, where they loudly…embarrassed me by singing Happy Birthday to me.

A-I HATE being sung to in public…on my birthday. HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT! (but I will totally do it to someone else)


B-The restaurant is not a place where they sing to you. – Get it?!

Not only did they sing, but then proceeded to LOUDLY roasted me by making fun of my two vices: Reading & Working out. My husband commenting how he can’t complain about my reading all the time because I will likely kick is ass. I was laughing hysterically the whole time, completely RED-faced! But it was fun, and I loved every minute. Even when he outed me that I am working on writing my own book. (This is something that I have said I wanted to do, but not told that I am actively doing). Well, if that doesn’t light a fire under you, nothing will. Especially when others, not a part of my table, overheard. i.e. the waiter.

So I declare it now, whether anything ever comes of it. I, Tonya, AM writing a book, that may or may not be good, and may or may not ever be read by anyone other than me. 

Well, anyway, that was my 35th. Good times! I may be 35, but I still feel 25, and HOPEFULLY look 30?

~T

Filed under: Embarrassment, Insight, New Start, Ramblings, Thoughts Tagged: 35, Avett Brothers, birthday, Tonya Killian, writing

So Long 2012…

I don’t know about you, but for me, 2012 has flown past. It’s been full of disappointment, inspiration and hopefully drive, drive to be and do something better.

I have been disappointed by the human nature this year. Whether they have been persons close to me who have disappointed (and they have), or these horrible stories you hear on the news (and they are vile), there is hate, evil and viciousness all around us. When it comes to the ones you personally know, you tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, and when they fall short, it’s hard to overlook. I know I’m not better, I’m sure I fall short in the eyes of those I cherish, that’s tough to swallow. While people have constantly showed their shortcoming, others have stepped up and completely surprised me with their compassion and friendship. These are the ones that I am so grateful for…the ones who matter.

I have been inspired…so so inspired this year! It’s been a while since I have felt this way, and I will ride it while I can!! A friend of mine and I share similar tastes in books, so we have our own little book club, just the two of us. It’s stupid, but fun, and we’re dorks, so we don’t care! I have never read so much in my life, and I love it! It was during my reading binge that I stumbled upon Colleen Hoover’s Slammed series. I fell in love with the books, but it also reignited my desire to write. I have written more in the last 3 months than I have since college, (Does that count?!). I am so grateful to her talent and imagination, because it has truly been an inspiration for me.

My daughter has asked me numerous times this year what her “purpose” on this earth is. That’s a heavy question to face as an adult, and here is my 10-year-old asking, yikes! While she has her life ahead of her to figure it out, I’m at a crossroads in mine where I have to decide what comes next. It’s overwhelming to think of all the possibilities, but the one thing I know for certain, I may fail in trying, but just the trying will be my biggest success going forward.

So I’m excited about 2013. Not excited about my birthday in 10 days…UGH!, but I am excited to see where it takes me. I have an amazingly supportive husband, who quite frankly thinks I can do anything I want to do, so I’ll give it a go. I don’t like “New Years Resolutions,” they just wait to mock you when they are unfulfilled. However…I’m going to set a 2013 “Goal,” or maybe “Goals…” here it goes:

Finally sit down and write my book that I have wanted to write forever. No intention to be published, but to just finally do it.
Volunteer with the elderly. I LOVE old people. They are so full of magic and history, they are link to the past I so want to know about.
Continue working out. It’s so cheesy to say that, but it has cleared my mind of crap, and given me the desire to do more…and even a bit of therapy for me. (sledge hammer to a tire…LOVE!)
FINALLY get on a plane to visit another country. That terrifies me…so not a good flyer! But I need to do it!

So….that’s all I can think of at the moment…on very little sleep. But I figure if I put it out there, then maybe I’m accountable to someone/something other than myself.

BTW….some of my FAVORITE sites of 2012:

Good Reads - Lots of awesome books to read…so many I can’t read enough!

Colleen Hoover – Amazing writer! Witty blog posts! What else do you need?

The Better Man Project – Just…wow…very inspiring!

NWSL – My daughters love soccer, and I love anyone who inspires my girls!

 

Filed under: Embarrassment, Ramblings, Thoughts Tagged: 2012, 2013, Better Man Project, Colleen Hoover, Inspiration, New Years Goal, NYE, writing

Hopeless…

Click here to go to Amazon for Hopeless-Colleen Hoover

I have thought over and over what words I would use to describe Hopeless…it’s honestly hard to say, so here are a few that come to mind:

Beautiful 

Devastating 

Heartbreaking 

Real

I don’t want to do this book an injustice by saying that it is merely a “good” book; it is truly amazing. I had the awesome honor of meeting Colleen Hoover during Thanksgiving. (See my silly account of how that went down on another post.) Anyway, we happened to be on the same cruise and I was telling her how much I loved Slammed and Point of Retreat and how my friends loved it as well. We were talking about her new book, Hopeless, which I told her I was very excited about. She allowed me to read the blurb, and somehow, that got us talking even more. I will forever see that chance meeting as a wonderful opportunity because the person behind the wonderful words I have fallen in love with, is equally beautiful. I mean seriously, you would have to be to have so many LOVE what you have written. Beautiful soul!

Hopeless tells the story of Sky, a strong, witty and resilient girl who, after being homeschooled her whole life, will be attending a public school for her senior year. She has a best friend, Six, who has coached her on all things high school. During a chance meeting, Holder, a handsome stranger catches her eye, but Six warns her off. Despite the reputations that each of them carry they are drawn to each other. They are obvious soul mates, looking after one another and bringing out the best in each other. Holder and Sky share a special bond and through the course of their relationship they discover why.

Colleen has an incredible gift in how she can bring her characters to life. These are people you know. I wish Breckin was my best friend…everyone needs someone like him! Slammed has been my favorite book this year, and Will Cooper, the ideal guy. But I do believe Hopeless has stolen that title, and Dean Holder…wow! Holder is not the hero trying to save Sky, he is her partner, beside her. Six, I wish there were more of her, again, I think we all need a Six in our life. And Sky, she’s just so fun to read about; she made me LOL…

I will refrain from saying anymore, because this is one that you just must read. This book broke me. I laughed, I cried and I got angry. Hopeless is amazing, and despite the title, it does give one hope. I could cry all over again from this book. This is not a light read. The subject matter is heavy, but told in such a way that somehow, you don’t want this book to end.

Thank you Colleen, for another wonderful book, and thank you for allowing me in!

Filed under: Book Review, Ramblings Tagged: Colleen Hoover, Dean Holder, Hopeless, Hopeless Book, Point of Retreat, Sky, Slammed

Heartbroken…

Everyday, the news shared around the world is riddled with terrible accidents, thefts and murder. However, the news that was revealed yesterday was beyond horrific. I had not listened to the radio, gotten online or even tuned into the television all day. It was not until a friend texted to ask me if I was watching that she shared the news with me… I just felt sick.

When I hear of these mass shootings, I wonder the same thing everyone else does….”why??” It is always so terrible hearing of all the innocent victims, and yesterday was no exception. I am so sad by what happened, all of these families destroyed by a single act of incomprehensible hatred. A monster unleashed his fury, vileness, illness whatever it was, on helpless innocent children. My heart breaks for what these precious little ones went through, the survivors, and those who died. What terror and questions went through their minds? I can’t even begin to imagine.

When my daughters came home, I hugged them a little tighter, knowing that nothing in life is certain. In a matter of minutes, everything can change. They cried and questioned why it happened, with no answers, I just told them the world is full of evil, and unfortunately, evil walked into Sandy Hooks Elementary. My thoughts and prayers are with that community, those whose innocence was lost and those who will never get to hug their precious child or loved one again.

Filed under: Sandy Hooks, Shooting, Thoughts, Tragedy

Woke Up…

So, this morning I woke up and continued my everyday routine…make coffee, get the kids up and check my email. While sitting here, I couldn’t figure out what it was I was feeling. I’m not sick, I’m not tired and then I realized, I’m happy.

This overwhelmingly happy feeling, okay, maybe not happy, but content feeling surprised me. Perhaps I am just in a good place today. I know that my life is not perfect, and I’m happy with that. I know that people in my life are not who I want them to be, and I’m happy with that. I realize that people I consider close are not who they portray themselves to be, and yet, I’m still happy. Despite the heaping amounts of disappointment that sometimes surrounds me, I am still incredibly happy (or content) today. I’m not sure how long this foreign feeling will last, but I will take it as it is and enjoy it while I can.

I’m not saying that I am typically a miserable person. Things happen everyday that make me happy or make me smile. But it is rare to wake up and just feel peace. Even if it’s just 10 minutes, I’ll take it.

This has made me reflect on this year. This year has been amazing. I’m not sure why I LOVE 2012 so much, but I do. Maybe I need to make myself a list of blessings I have received this year, but that may take too long. Anyway, yet another crazy rambling blog!

So I hope that whoever reads this (if anyone reads this), you too will find some happiness/contentment in this 12/12/12 day!

~T

Filed under: Embarrassment, Ramblings, Thoughts Tagged: 12/12/12, home