Harry Whitewolf's Blog, page 6

The Writing Lives of Daniel Clausen and Harry Whitewolf

Here's another brand new interview me and Daniel did with the fantastic Whispering Stories:

http://whisperingstories.com/the-writ...

The Newleyweds Game Interview

If you missed Daniel Clausen's blog post, you won't know that we've just been interviewed by the lovely Cristel Orrand (author of The Amalgamist which I highly recommend), and it was a pretty fun interview to do, seeing as she got us to play the Newleyweds/Mr and Mrs game, with questions and answers like this:

Q. If Daniel got a book deal for 2M dollars, what would he do?

A. He would celebrate by forming a prog-rock-hillbilly-steampunk-funk-schwang band, with a chimpanzee on bass and Henry Winkler on fiddle, for a one-off performance on top of the Hollywood sign.

You can read the interview here: https://freerreds.wordpress.com/2016/...

And check out our book ReejecttIIon - a number two if you haven't already done so.



Cheers!

FREE POETRY BOOKS ON KINDLE

People who don't like poetry seem to like my poetry, so if you don't like poetry - or even if you do - you can grab my two books New Beat Newbie and Two Beat Newbie for free on Kindle over the next five days (11th August - 15th August), so what are you waiting for?

NEW BEAT NEWBIE:
Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/B00VBZ4446
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00VBZ4446

TWO BEAT NEWBIE:
Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/B01BEEMCQ0
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01BEEMCQ0

Many thanks!

An Ode To Theresa May

Hip hip hooray for Theresa May.
Another Thatcher is on the way.
Another P.M, without our say.
Hip hip hooray for Theresa May,
Who cuts police budgets and cleans up the mess
By giving the services to G4S,
Which her husband’s a major shareowner of.
Theresa May, yay! Such an Oxford top toff!
Praise her for her Investigatory Powers Bill,
Which lets them snoop our texts and emails at free will,
And congratulate her on how she handled
The bodge of the paedophile M.Ps scandal.
Pat her on the back for the half a mil loan
The government gave to a convicted felon.
Be thankful to her, because she wants to get rid
Of immigrants on less than 35,000 quid.
So clap and cheer and shout hooray
For new P.M Theresa May.
Hip hip hooray! Come on, let’s praise her,
Our new Mother Theresa.

Shhsssh, it's a secret...

Shhssssh, it’s a secret, so keep it under your hat, but I sometimes write children’s books under the name of Mr. Wolf

The books can hopefully be enjoyed by adults just as much as children, so if you fancy giving them a go, Mr. Wolf’s two books are now free on Kindle for the next five days (30th June – 4th July).

Terry: The Time Travelling Tortoise

Amazon.com: https://amzn.com/B013Z0F0K6
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B013Z0F0K6

The Top Secret Cheese

Amazon.com: https://amzn.com/B017M8L8KI
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B017M8L8KI

Thanks!

LIKE THIS!

You'll be able to grab a free Kindle copy of ReejecttIIon - a number two soon, but in the meantime you might like this from the book:

I’VE NEVER HEARD THE LIKE

Harry liked that Jason liked Harry’s like of his friendship with Leo who also liked that Harry liked that Jason liked their friendship and liked that Jason liked the like, and the like. Luke liked Leo’s blog. Leo liked that Luke, like, liked his blog. Harry liked that Luke liked Leo’s blog and that Leo liked that Luke liked Leo’s blog. Rupert liked Leo’s blog and liked that Harry liked that Jason liked his friendship with Leo and liked Leo’s friendship with Harry and sent Harry a friend request. They became friends. Leo, Jason and Harry liked that Rupert was friends with Harry and Harry liked Rupert’s status of being 69% through a book called Capitalist Scum! Jason liked that Harry liked Rupert’s status. Rebecca liked that Harry and Rupert were friends and liked Leo’s blog and liked that Harry liked that Jason liked Harry’s like of his friendship with Leo. Rebecca added a status update to announce she had started reading Zebra Crossings On Mars and Harry, Luke and Jason liked it and Jason also liked that Harry liked it. Rupert didn’t like it. Why didn’t Rupert like it? Rupert liked that James liked Leo’s blog and Leo liked that James liked Leo’s blog and Harry liked that Leo liked that James liked his blog and liked that James liked Leo’s blog. Harry attempted a joke on Leo’s profile page. No response. James liked that Rupert and Harry were friends and that Harry liked that Jason liked Harry’s friendship with Leo and that Leo liked that Harry liked that Jason liked their friendship and that Jason liked the like and James also liked that Rupert liked Leo’s blog and Rupert’s new status of being 73% done with Capitalist Scum! Leo and Luke liked Rupert’s status and Leo liked James liking Rupert’s status. Harry and Rebecca also liked Rupert’s status and Rebecca added a status of her own: 10% done with Zebra Crossings On Mars. Harry liked Rebecca’s status and Rupert liked Harry’s like of Rebecca’s status. Leo liked that Harry liked Rebecca’s status and liked that Rupert liked Harry’s like. Jason liked that Leo liked that Harry liked Rebecca’s status and liked Rebecca’s status and liked Rupert’s like of Harry’s like of Rebecca’s status. Rupert liked Rebecca’s status. James liked that Leo liked that Harry liked Rebecca’s status and liked Rebecca’s status and liked Rupert’s like of Harry’s like. Luke liked Rebecca’s status and Rupert’s status and liked that Harry liked Rebecca’s status and liked Rupert’s like of Harry’s like and Leo’s like that Harry liked Rebecca’s status. Harry liked that Luke liked Rebecca’s status and Rupert’s status and Rupert liked Luke’s like of Rebecca’s status and Harry liked that Rupert liked Luke’s like.

MATRIX VISIONS - The New Book - Out Now!

My new book Matrix Visions is now available, and it's free on Kindle for 5 whole days: 5th May - 9th May.

Amazon.com: http://amzn.com/B01F2LPVE6
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01F2LPVE6

Paperback editions are also available.

So, what's Matrix Visions all about? Here's the blurb:

From the strange dark side of visionary spiritual conspiracy secrets, this poetic book of enigmas and brand new discoveries is much more than a collection of curious verse concoctions - Matrix Visions is a sneaky glimpse into the hypnotising matrix itself.

You’ll come across cryptic but plain poems like: The Malicious Magicians, Red Snake Rules, The Devil’s In The Detail, Alien Acupuncture and The 11:11. And you can discover hitherto untold secrets in: The Pentagon’s Hidden Half, Dollar Bill Devils And Dogs, The Secret Art History, The QR Code Code, How To Get A Face In Advertising and The Secret Sphinx, with plenty of picture examples along the way.

The red matrix is staring you right in the face. You just haven’t seen it yet.


Thanks!

Harry

Matrix Visions - Coming Soon.

What can you see when you mirror image a dollar bill pyramid? Find out in this promo vid for my new book Matrix Visions – coming soon!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfSO5...

RIGHT ON BRIGHTON

If I'm allowed to have a personal favourite poem from my Two Beat Newbie book, then Right On Brighton (the longest poem in the collection by far!) would be it:


RIGHT ON BRIGHTON


Just outta uni.
I was a real Real World Fresher.
Where could this featherweight newbie
Of this new century, go for his pleasure?

Hmm. Needed a new home.
Went down to Brighton where everyone’s green and stoned.
On my own.
Alone.

Down to Brighton where everyone’s gay.
Down to Brighton, where hippies are O.K.
The lights on in Brighton, where people have their say.

The big band bang boom and the tie-dye bop, smelly basement rooms and late night bus stops. Hip hop, chip shops, wearing flip flops, feeling tip top, never stop. Opt for late night clubs kicking comedic blubs and poetry slams and funk soul jams. Get a veggie burger from Grubbs.

**
Downing lager, by the beach, down in Brighton. Right on Brighton. Got the sights on. Got the lights on. Locked the highs on. Nice one. Hopping the highlights of hot sagas that race through my mind. Drinking mad hop lagers for the sake of fake rhymes, when the spell of Real Ale was always more my thing. Leaving Brighton’s seaside to one side, I’m thinking ‘bout wannabe Kurts, crusties, yurts, King Kurt T-shirts, shirkers, dread heads, head-shrinkers, burks, chav bling and youthful stride things. Living it up in strobe dubbed shake lighting. First high flying years in Brighton, right on, crazy Brighton, high with the lights on, quick like lightning, were a blast and fast and now past, but cast a fishing line from my mind back to the chats and the squats and the girls I had the hots for and the dim, dingy dealers’ pungent poky smoky flats, and Concorde 2 gigs, Komedia comics, cigs and all that. After work gorge at The Dorset and George, fall to the floors. Any takers for Basketmakers? And all the other lovely-jubbly bubbling pubs in the Lanes and all the subs. The entertaining drinks and grub. Getting high on doorsteps. Grooving up cool clubs.

**
See Arthouse World flicks at Duke of York’s. Tea at the caf, stirred with plastic forks. Get your copy of SchNEWS. Go to private views. Hear the beat of small bar blues. Hen party Valkyries. Art galleries. And geezers on good salaries, listening to Valerie, before it was Winehouse actually. And dub. Boy, down in Brighton, right on Brighton, the shakes were sure hot. Remember making it young, uncaring and alive, the guys and high fives, and the girls never got. The whirls, the mods, moody blues and bad moods. And self-proclaimed gods. Quirks, smirks and jerks. Jammers and jitters. Pints of bitter and carpet fitters. The protesters, anarchists, activists, the revellers, the Levellers, The Level, the lefties, the arties, house parties, the Commies, eco-friendlies, the cafs, the gift of the gabs, Alan’s friend Babs, Albion fans, albinos, fake tans, trans-genders on benders, drag queens on the scene, hang about at Tragic Roundabout and Eighties Matchbox concert bouts. The smokers, the jokers, midnight tokers, anti-voters and Attila The Stockbroker.

**
You’ll find more truth seekers there. Down in Blighty’s Brighton blimey seaside air. Right on Brighton. Nice one. Always a party. Everyone’s arty. Everyone’s vegan. Hm, fucking squawking, squealing, black bin bag ripping seagulls. Arseholes. Anyway, Brighton. Brighton. Right on Brighton. Nice one. Vegetarians, Vespas, hipsters, queens, has-beens, times good, Infinity Foods, Brighton rock and riots. Quiet. Smoke some weed, in our flat, playing board games and all that, with tunes and deep chat, people passing through, all knowing where it’s at. Chilling or standing up on our feet, dancing to The Streets, or some ska beats or Undertones, Stevie Wonder and The Ramones and Stones, and Bentley Rhythm Ace and Small Faces in haze. Smokes with The Strokes. Always broke. Not too much coke. The twirls and jokes, the girls and blokes who like boys to be girls who do boys in Blurred plagiarised quotes of rude boy shenanigans. Sing along again, high on hash with Johnny Cash, The Clash and Ash. De La Soul, maybe Ben Folds, and The Las, playing along with guitars. Billy Bragg. Arab Strap. Put on Dolly Parton, Frank Black, Jack White, Al Green, Patti Smith, Portishead, Grateful Dead, Hunky Dory, Gorky 5, Mogwai, The Pharcyde, The Hives, Derek and Clive, and Lee Scratch Perry, or watching the telly, filling our bellies with munchies, slow Brighton paced, can’t be arsed, watch Spaced, our flat adorned with post-student knickknacks and tatt you think you’re always gonna want to keep. Wrong. Back to the clubs and the pubs and the dub and the rub and rub-a-dub and rubber gloves and push and shoves and bars and ha-has and hoo-has. Brighton. Brighton. Right on. Yurt makers and yogis and Dolies and homeopathists and marches and artists and buskers and smugglers and jugglers and hustlers, down by the bright Brighton seaside.

**
Take a stroll on the pier. Smell some gear in the air. There’s a homeless man. Just there. Now here’re the festivals, Fat Boy on the beach, Pride in the park, passing joints in side streets, down in Brighton, right on Brighton. Seems so sweet. Those first fond years, the beers, the cheers, the chat, the bric-a-brac, the Snoopers Paradise fix, the politics, the lunatics, freethinkers, tinkers, smokers and in-jokers; ‘cos you know it’s Hove actually.

**
Cursed heavy hangovers cured like ham by noon snakebite hair of the dog. Cut to the night. Coming up drug. Getting around. Coming down. Buggery bollocks. Hug a tree. Free. Curling smoke. Always a joke. The dog’s bollocks. Top dogs. Peace frogs. Top Cat in the doghouse chat. Drinking down at Hector’s House. A wee dram. Am-dram plays above the pubs. Arches clubs. Archie’s bullshit and pitbull dogs. Full-of-shit prog-rocker dealers’ green door knockers, goddamn DJ gobshites and whities. Go down to the seafront at night-time in slippers and nighties. Alrighty.

**
Fist bumping mates popping round. Getting around, getting down in Kemp Town, with unkempt beds. Ashtrays surround. Getting high. Hello. Goodbye. Going out. Raucous and roaring in ferocious and precocious shouts. Round about. Down ‘ere, down there. Got an allotment under the stairs. Score a quick henry from Benny’s mate Claire. Rock stars and porn stars and born stars and writers and freedom fighters and cigarette lighters and the famous and nameless. Know-it-alls. Poets. Cools. And activists and actors, sculptors, producers, models, musicians, guitarists, Nick Cave, Paul McCartney, the bloke from The Fast Show (before he was the bloke from Harry Potter, but after he was the bloke from that advert who said, “We wanna be together.” What? You think I’m losing the non-UK and under thirty audience here? Who cares? I know what pants and sloppy joes are, don’t I? – the question is rhetorical, so let’s get back on topic, y’all.), Chris Eubank and his damn big dumb truck, the crusties, the skankers, the wankers, the skaters, the seekers, the shakers, Hare Krishnas and skins. Magpie bin men. The chancers, the dancers, the bouncers, half-ouncers, the anarchists, the taking the piss, the mates in a band, the parks, the punks, the drunks, junkies, joggers and rockers, the lazy, the crazy, the can’t be arsed, the mods and the mads and the off of their rockers. Try it on with a girl down the dark beach. Smashed up on mushrooms and head pumping beats. Walk back in late streets on two too tired feet. Whoosh! The West Pier is on fire. Best bang our drums then and get a bit higher, and take in the heat in laidback back seats.

**
Ashtrays overflowing with after-party cig butts. Freebutt gig band geezers eating banging All Day Breakfasts at the All Night Diner Dime Bar, smoking big cigars amongst ha-has, cha-chas, minds charred, strumming guitars and maybe sitars and drumming on tables on Mars, down in Brighton. Brighton. Right on Brighton. When the music was loud, as were the words of proud opinions, but it was also all bullshit. ‘Cos we love Brit cynicism. Down in hopping, bopping Brighton, right on Brighton, don’t be frightened, it’s more or less dangerous with the lights on, down in Brighton, right on Brighton. High times and nice times in right on Brighton. Right on, Brighton. Nice one.

***

ReejecttIIon - OUT NOW!

ReejecttIIon - a number two – my new collaborative book with Daniel Clausen is now available. Woo-hoo! What’s more, it’s free on Kindle for five days: 9th March – 13th March (links below). So rather than poo yourself with excitement, why not grab a copy of A Number Two* instead? (*Toilet tissue not included.)

Here’s the blurb:


By reading ReejecttIIon, it’s likely you’ll discover: colorful short stories, funny flash fiction, hilarious cartoons, riveting reviews, wondrous anagrams and other assorted skits and titbits of under-achieving literary genius.

If you’re lucky, you might come across sci-fi tales about the privatization of words, horror stories about hair and ruminations on indie writing. It’s also possible that you’ll find commentary on the hazards of greedy literary agents and stories about washed up movie directors who receive financial backing from space aliens.

Publisher’s Meekly calls it: “a thought-provoking fable about technological hubris and the hazards of bioengineering.” (*This may or may not be referring to Jurassic Park and not ReejecttIIon.)

Reader’s Indigestion says: “this book quietly stands as one of the most powerful statements of the Civil Rights movement.” (*This may or may not actually refer to To Kill a Mockingbird and not ReejecttIIon.)

But why not read this seriously comical scattergun book and see what you can discover about ReejecttIIon for yourself?


And here are the links you’re surely itching to click on:

Amazon.com:

Kindle:
http://www.amazon.com/ReejecttIIon-nu...
Paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/ReejecttIIon-nu...


Amazon.co.uk:

Kindle:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0...
Paperback:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/ReejecttIIon-...


You can also start reading ReejecttIIon here:

https://www.goodreads.com/reader/7516...

Thank you!