Kimberly Revis Callis's Blog, page 8
May 23, 2014
Journal excerpt: Coming to terms with my condition…
I wrote this as I was learning more about Complex PTSD and coming to accept my illness. This short journal entry helped me focus on my recovery with a sense of balance. I didn’t expect it to be easy, but I did expect to get somewhere… Looking back, I see that I have accomplished most of the objectives I had. I’m still growing and still getting my life back on track, but I have made some progress.
Journal excerpt: Coming to terms with my condition…
I have an illness. I am dealing with it and it will take time.
My illness has caused some changes in my life.
Recovery is not only possible… it will significantly improve my way of living.
I deserve the time, space and resources to recover.
I am responsible for seeing that I receive the right treatment and care.
Recovery will be emotional. I am responsible for my emotions and will be respectful of others and myself during my recovery process.
My recovery will shape my understanding of myself, of life and of others as I moved forward.
My recovery will require me to focus on my physical health as well.
I will not stop. Sometimes I may need a break, but I will not stop getting better.
I will make it through this and create a life of my own design.
May 22, 2014
Free Webinar with Dr. Lisa Firestone
FREE WEBINAR
Presenter: Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
June 3, 2014 – 11am-12pm PST
Attachment refers the particular way in which you relate to other people. Your style of attachment was formed in childhood, however, once established, it has a heavy influence on how you relate in everything from your intimate relationships to how you parent your children. Understanding your style of attachment is helpful, because it offers you insight into how you felt and developed in childhood, while revealing ways that you may be emotionally limited as an adult. By learning your early attachment style, you gain insight into actions you can take to improve your close relationships. You can learn techniques to challenge areas in which you may feel limited and even form an “earned secure attachment” as an adult. In this Webinar, you will gain a better understanding of how your own attachment style influences your life, while learning tools to enhance your adult attachment style and develop yourself in ways that will bring you more success in life.
http://www.psychalive.org/pl_resources/june-3-attachment-style-shaping-life/
May 17, 2014
Pre-release copies of Stoning Demons Books 2 – 6
Anyone who would like to review a pre-release copy of any of the upcoming Stoning Demons ebooks, please let me know. I will need an email address to send you the file, which will include a coupon for the cover price so you can have the final copy as my thank you.
Please choose which book you would like to preview.
Book 2: Symptoms and Progression of Complex PTSD – available June 30, 2014
Book 3: Psychobiological Effects of Complex PTSD – available August 30, 2014
Book 4: Childhood Sexual Abuse and Complex PTSD – revised edition available September 30, 2014
Book 5: Marijuana-Supported Therapy for Complex PTSD - available October 30, 2014
Book 6: Personal Growth in Recovery from Complex PTSD – available December 30, 2014
I would like to have feedback and perhaps even a review on the Smashwords website. This will help me polish up the material and help me get some visibility. I want to thank you all for your continuing support. It has taken more work than I expected to just get to this point. There is still more to do, but I am looking forward to having all of it finished this year.
I am thinking of adding two more books to the series later…. Childhood Emotional Abuse and Identity Disorders and Childhood Abuse and Neglect and Self-Harm Syndrome. There may be more I can do in the future with the framework for CPTSD progression and other co-morbid disorders, we will see.
May 15, 2014
The Stoning Demons Series on Smashwords
The plans are in place for the release of the rest of the Stoning Demons series on Smashwords. Six ebooks on Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder are in the works. You can purchase two of the books online now and pre-order the rest.
Book 1: Developmental Trauma is a Primer for Complex PTSD – available now
Book 2: Symptoms and Progression of Complex PTSD – available June 30, 2014
Book 3: Psychobiological Effects of Complex PTSD – available August 30, 2014
Book 4: Childhood Sexual Abuse and Complex PTSD – (free excerpt!) revised edition available September 30, 2014
Book 5: Marijuana-Supported Therapy for Complex PTSD - available October 30, 2014
Book 6: Personal Growth in Recovery from Complex PTSD – available December 30, 2014
May 14, 2014
Chapter 1 Available on Smashwords
“Adversity in childhood is known to have lifelong effects. Abuse disrupts the path of normal development, leading to a wide range of psychological and physiological conditions. Some of these complications may emerge later in life, but they have their origins in the early family environment.
I found it helpful to outline a classification of traumas related to Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) and CPTSD, stemming from traumas experienced in childhood and compounded in adulthood. The model I used focused on the nature of the trauma and its impact on psychobiology.
Over the last three decades, there have been numerous studies which have documented the effects of interpersonal trauma and disruption of caregiving systems on psychological development. Findings have shown impacts on affect regulation, attention, cognition, perception, and interpersonal relationships well into adult life. One of the drivers for research is the increasing evidence of the effects of adverse childhood experiences on brain development and immunology, with clear associations between DTD and chronic illness.
Available on Smashwords…
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/431274
More chapters will be coming:
Complex PTSD Symptoms (June 2014)
Post-Traumatic Stress Diagnostic Criteria
Recurrent Trauma and Chronic Stress
Re-Experiencing
Avoidance
Hyper-Arousal
Impairment of Functioning
Disorders of Extreme Stress Diagnostic Criteria
Changes in Self-Regulation
Cognitive Changes
Changes in Self-Perception
Changes in Relationships
Loss of Meaning
Progression of CPTSD (July 2014)
Primary Development Traumas
Secondary Traumas
Onset and Progression
Early Psychological Symptoms
Triggers and Environmental Clues
Worsening Psychobiological Issues
Serious Episodes and Crises
Accepting the Diagnosis
Recovery, Remission and Relapse
May 8, 2014
Developmental Trauma is a Primer for Complex PTSD
I released the first chapter of Stoning Demons a few days ago. In this release, I share my story and look at traumas experienced in childhood and the way they prime a person for lifelong stress-related problems.
From chapter 1…
“Adversity in childhood is known to have lifelong effects. Abuse disrupts the path of normal development, leading to a wide range of psychological and physiological conditions. Some of these complications may emerge later in life, but they have their origins in the early family environment.
I found it helpful to outline a classification of traumas related to Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) and CPTSD, stemming from traumas experienced in childhood and compounded in adulthood. The model I used focused on the nature of the trauma and its impact on psychobiology.
Over the last three decades, there have been numerous studies which have documented the effects of interpersonal trauma and disruption of caregiving systems on psychological development. Findings have shown impacts on affect regulation, attention, cognition, perception, and interpersonal relationships well into adult life. One of the drivers for research is the increasing evidence of the effects of adverse childhood experiences on brain development and immunology, with clear associations between DTD and chronic illness.
One review is in so far…
“Bought the first chapter and am reading it as I type. Gosh! EVERYTHING you say sooo resonates with me and is sooo well known from firsthand experience! You really, really grab this beast by its horns – and tame it by writing about it! Kudos!”
Available on Smashwords…
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/431274
I hope you can take a moment to download a copy and support the work on this project. More chapters will be coming:
Complex PTSD Symptoms
Post-Traumatic Stress Diagnostic Criteria
Recurrent Trauma and Chronic Stress
Re-Experiencing
Avoidance
Hyper-Arousal
Impairment of Functioning
Disorders of Extreme Stress Diagnostic Criteria
Changes in Self-Regulation
Cognitive Changes
Changes in Self-Perception
Changes in Relationships
Loss of Meaning
Progression of CPTSD
Primary Development Traumas
Secondary Traumas
Onset and Progression
Early Psychological Symptoms
Triggers and Environmental Clues
Worsening Psychobiological Issues
Serious Episodes and Crises
Accepting the Diagnosis
Recovery, Remission and Relapse
Psychobiological Effects of CPTSD
Somatization and Comorbid Illness
CPTSD Effects On the Brain
Chronic Health Issues
Cardiovascular Disease
Endocrine System
Digestive and Serotonergic System Imbalance
Immune System
Reproductive System
Complications and Risks with CPTSD
Life Changes
Related Psychological Disorders
Anxiety
Depression
Eating Disorders
Substance Use and Addiction Disorders
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Deliberate Self-Harm Syndrome
Sexual Dysfunction
Psychiatric Complications
Suicidality
Psychosis
Treatment Approaches for CPTSD
Professional Treatment Approaches
Psychotherapy
Pharmaceutical Treatment
Crisis Intervention and Treatment
Self-Managed Therapy
Research and Reading
Journaling
Daily Journal
Symptom Journal
Intrusive Thoughts Journal
Flashback/Dream Journal
Inventories
Symptom Inventory
Trauma Inventory
Trigger Inventory
Growth Inventory
Reviewing and Reframing
Developmental Trauma Work
Secondary Trauma Work
Reframing Goals
Self-Medication and Medical Marijuana
Why Cannabis Works
Stress and Endocannabinoid System Suppression
Calming Active PTSD Symptoms
Support for Narrative Therapy
Support for Comorbid Disorders and Chronic Illness
Substance Abuse vs. Medicating
Treatment Considerations
Caution is Needed
Call for More Studies… and Legalization
Social Stigma of Marijuana Therapy
Knowing When to Stop Medicating
Personal Growth and Change in Recovery
Positive Inclination
Regression and Regrowth
Recognizing Responsibility
Healthy Expression of Anger
Grieving
Forgiveness
Perspective
Acceptance
Rebuilding Trust and Attachment
Honoring Strengths
Finding Self-Love
Becoming My Own Guardian
Finding New Meaning
Maintaining Long Term Health with CPTSD
Nutrition and Mental Wellness
Excitotoxins and Induced Symptoms
Rest, Exercise and Resilience
Long Road to Neurological and Physical Recovery
Building a Safe, Low-Stress Life
Double Chronic, With a Twist
May 6, 2014
Stoning Demons: Chapter 1: Developmental Trauma is a Primer for Complex PTSD
I have decided to take things a bit more methodically with publishing the Stoning Demons material. I have just released Chapter 1: Developmental Trauma is a Primer for Complex PTSD. This material includes the introduction of how I came to be here as a person battling CPTSD.
I would love feedback on this material. There will be more to come.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/431274
May 5, 2014
I’m a selfish asshole
I’ve stagnated in my recovery. In fact, I don’t think I’ve recovered at all. I have gained some knowledge about my condition… and the condition of my life. It’s not working.
Reflecting what I see of how my recovery process has hurt other people… I can’t help but think that I’ve failed here. Instead of healing my pain, I’ve just shared it with others and actually been hurt and angry at them when they’ve pushed back on this intrusion into their happy lives.
I am just like my father. I am a selfish asshole.
I thought that somehow I was better than him, superior in all the ways that count. But, the truth of it is, that I have the same behaviors, the same neediness, the same need to reign over people, the same need to feed a narcissistic obsession with myself. On top of that, like him, I don’t recognize other people’s boundaries.
It’s hard to realize that all the pain of my life over the last 10 years is my fault.
I suppose I thought that getting better would help me love myself, but now I’m going to have to learn to love this thing that I am. I’m a narcissistic victim. Sure, I have CPTSD, that’s a real thing and a real battle, but the way I go about having it means that other people have to wear it with me. I thought I was building a support system, but I was just building another fan-base, like I tried to when I was a consultant, only this time I’ve invited them all to a pity party that is all about me.
So, I’m stepping back. I’m going to find a therapist. I’m not publishing my book. I can’t let anyone read nonsense that is non-healing. I have to learn to take the blame, responsibly. I have to learn to be a better daughter, mother, sister and friend. I don’t know what that takes, really. I can’t try to speak authoritatively on it… for the first time, I realize I don’t have the answers. I never did.
February 14, 2013
Post-traumatic growth resources
As a follow up to my last post, I wanted to provide some links to research and resources for post-traumatic growth.
From the psychology department at the University of North Carolina, Charlotte campus, this is an overview of post-traumatic growth. On the left menu, you will find the Resources link which gives access to full text articles.
http://ptgi.uncc.edu/what-is-ptg/
The transformational power of trauma
Moving past trauma requires a great deal of personal strength, the investment of time and love… and replenishing those reserves of hope that lie within us all.
On my personal journey, I have sought replenishment from many sources — family, friends, beautiful places… and stories from others who have dealt with their own pain. My own experience and research has led me to believe that there is a profound aspect to trauma. It gives you the opportunity to re-grow as a person.
I’ve seen it in others as well. Years ago, my former husband was in a terrible accident. As he was recovering, I witness something amazing. He seemed to relive the emotions of his life, beginning with his childhood and progressing through events of his adult life that I remembered. I was surprised, even astonished, to see him re-experience his emotions of love for me and then go through the turmoil of our breakup all over again.
I thought his experience was unique. I didn’t see the pattern until I lived my own traumatic event — a psychological injury that led to a life-altering brain injury, psychosis.
As I slowly recovered, the phenomenon of re-living my emotional development was at first difficult for me to recognize, but my memories from that time are fairly vivid. I recall what I did, what I thought and what I felt quite clearly.
In the time leading up to the psychosis I had developed a particular interest in psychology. I was researching the effects of childhood trauma in a desperate effort to put my past to rest. I was suffering from flashbacks brought on by a damaging adult relationship and wanted to understand, once and for all, how to stop the patterns of thinking and behavior that kept me stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of seeking.
Once the functional psychosis subsided, I picked up my personal research in psychology. In particular looking at developmental psychology. I found that much of what I was feeling, the intrusive emotions and vivid flashbacks could be associated with particular ‘ages’ and stages of personality development. I could identify for myself the specific traumas of abuse and neglect I suffered then with my emotional responses now.
I felt that I was growing up all over again.
I also felt that I had a unique opportunity to let this process happen and to use it to finally heal those old wounds. What I have gained from this process is beyond what I expected. I expected to find a place for my memories and lay them to rest, which has been the case so far. What I didn’t expect was to grow so well beyond them, to find a gratitude for the whole of my life and to find a special love for myself as a result.
For me, I have come a far way from victim to survivor… to something that I have no term that fits. I am more than a survivor, I am more complete that I have ever been as a person. I feel more love, appreciation and gratitude for my life than I may ever have had without the experiences, traumatic as they may have been. I have defined and reinforced values and life lessons I missed in my early development, which have changed my view of myself and others.
I have searched for more references to support my experience in psychology research, but there seems to be a gap in the association of age-specific developmental psychology and trauma recovery. The primary experiential examples I have come from talking with others who have had their own experiences and dealt with their own trauma recovery. There is one body of work that is close, however.
Post-traumatic growth is a term proposed by Tedeschi [et al], which is meant to describe a phenomenon of psychological strengthening and extension in those who have completed their trauma recovery. Studies in pos-ttraumatic growth explore the positive changes that a person can experience following trauma as more than a return to a baseline, but as an experience of improvement across many aspects of life, within the person and their relationships, extending even into one’s spirituality.
This concept is not new, psychologists and philosophers have written on this subject for centuries. What I have found to be missing is a method that a person who has lived a nearly lifelong trauma can follow for recovery. So, I built tools of my own.
In the book I have been working on, I explore post traumatic growth specifically for those who have endured persistent abuse in childhood and gone on to have additional traumas and chronic stress as adults. I believe that those who have a family history of dysfunction, like myself, the possibility of lasting recovery and achievement of lasting benefits of personal growth requires long-term, self-directed methods to re-write emotional and psychological perceptions and correct the negative learnings they have experienced.
I will outline the methods I have found worked for me – supported by professional reference materials – that may help others devise their own program of assessment, expression, recovery and growth. My deepest wish is to share the hope and joy that come from a resilient rebuilding – re-growing – of the child within you to the person who truly wish to be.
The book is a work in progress. I welcome anyone to share their questions, stories and experiences with me as I take on this challenge. No matter where you are, at what stage you are, I am happy to hear from you.
