Kimberly Revis Callis's Blog

Dear sister

You don’t know how I mourned you. The loss of you, my sister. You cannot understand how I grieved.

I miss you. I miss loving you. I miss you being my friend and caring about me. I miss caring about you. Hating you is just so hard.

But there’s no other way to protect myself. There’s enough to hurt about. I just don’t need any new pain. If only you could understand how you hurt me. Actively. Wantonly. With freedom and abandon I thought was only possible in me, the rebellious one.

You are the rebel, the turncoat. You lashed out and ran, smiling and prosperous as you embraced the lie, and let me die with it. With him, with justice, all dead. There I went, gone to you and the world.  You stomped your boot on me.

Because he gratified himself on you, too. Your adoration and participation in the lie that was his life were the gratification of his need to shame me, to blame me. He didn’t just get off on me, he got off on people letting him get off on me.

Because you loved him more than me. You me and iloved his lies and denied my truth. It killedt killed us.

I mourned you.

Motherless daughter, sister-less friend, fatherless child, alone in the end…

Keep going, keep going sister. Find your way through. Be happy, be well in whatever you do. Don’t think about me, I’m already gone. It’s almost as if I was never at home.

 

Poverty, killer of souls

How did I get here? How did we all get to this place of need and lack and emptiness? Why am I sitting here in the middle of the night hungry and desperate and doom scrolling job boards? There’s nothing for me. There’s nothing for anyone like me.

I want to do something. I want to be a part of the world again. I don’t want to throw my hand out every time I need something. And I’m tired of throwing my hands up. I’m absolutely dead damned tired of giving up.

There’s nothing for me. I’m a worn out middle aged woman. A throwaway. The world is done with me.

I could clean your house. I could do that. But you wouldn’t respect me. I could serve you food, but it wouldn’t fill your heart with understanding or affection for me.  You’d toss me out with the trash and leftovers. If I wind up living on the streets, you’d offer me the trash and leftovers as gifts.

I see you.

But you don’t see me and most of the time I prefer that you don’t. I know how easy it is for you to throw the poison of your life in my direction. If you see me, you’ll tell me exactly how worthless I am in my poverty and dysfunction.

When you see me, you see something worse than nothing. You might ignore nothing, but I am a sucking void, a drain, a pit that you have to fill with your disgust. You have to scream all the wrongs of the world into that void. It’s my fault after all. I am the one who is impoverished, the taker of things you’ve earned.

I want to be more than a vessel of tears and poison.

Poverty kills the soul…. I’m not sure it’s mine that’s dead.

Maybe you should just keep looking away.

Trauma Brain is on Reddit

Join me on Reddit for community discussion and articles

https://www.reddit.com/r/traumabrainbook/s/VXFEs3HFtG

Trauma Brain: Acquired Neurodivergence and Complex Traumatic Stress – Kimberly Revis Callis – Google Books

https://books.google.com/books/about/Trauma_Brain.html?id=V3MzEQAAQBAJ

Trauma Brain offers a compassionate, informative, and empowering guide to understanding and navigating the challenges of acquired neurodivergence. It’s a book for survivors, their loved ones, and anyone who wants to understand the profound impact of complex trauma on the brain.

In Trauma Brain, explore the profound impact of complex traumatic stress on the brain and body. Discover how it can lead to acquired neurodivergence, shaping your identity, relationships, and overall well-being. Find hope and practical strategies for healing, resilience, and thriving beyond trauma. 

Advance copies have been sent out!

My new book will be released December 20th

It’s official—Trauma Brain: Acquired Neurodivergence and Complex Traumatic Stress is on the final stretch to publication! Advance reader copies are making their way into the hands of early reviewers, and I can’t wait to hear their thoughts.

Pre-release copies are available

This book has been a deeply personal journey. Writing about Complex Traumatic Stress (C-PTSD) and acquired neurodivergence has challenged me to revisit experiences and insights I’ve carried for years, but the process has also been empowering. My hope is that sharing this work will connect with others who walk a similar path and provide a sense of understanding and validation.

As I put the finishing touches on the book, I’m filled with a mix of anticipation and nerves. This isn’t just a story; it’s a call to rethink how we view trauma, the brain, and the extraordinary ways we adapt to adversity.

Save the Date: December 20th

Mark your calendars—Trauma Brain will officially release on December 20th. If you’ve been waiting to dive into this exploration of trauma and resilience, you won’t have to wait much longer!

In the meantime, I’ll be sharing updates, snippets, and reflections leading up to the release. To those who’ve supported this journey so far, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your encouragement has been the fuel to keep going.

Stay tuned for more, and if you’re one of the advance readers, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

Is Complex PTSD a mental health disorder or a neurological one? What role does our neuroendocrine system play in mental health?

This is for informational purposes only. For medical advice or diagnosis, consult a professional.

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is considered to be a mental health condition. The contributing factor in diagnosis beyond its known symptoms is the person’s experience of prolonged or repeated exposure to traumatic experiences, particularly those that involve interpersonal violence or abuse. It differs from PTSD in that it often involves more complex and enduring symptoms:

Emotional Dysregulation:Difficulty managing intense emotions, such as anger, fear, or sadness.Frequent and unpredictable mood swings.Difficulty calming down after emotional outbursts.Negative Self-Concept:Feelings of worthlessness, shame, or guilt.A sense of being different or alienated from others.A sense of being different or alienated from others.Dissociation:Feeling disconnected from one’s thoughts, feelings, or body.Zoning out or spacing out.Amnesia or memory gaps, particularly related to traumatic events.Interpersonal Difficulties:Trouble forming and maintaining close relationships.Difficulty trusting others.Intense fear of abandonment or rejection.Somatic Symptoms:Physical symptoms such as chronic pain, fatigue, or digestive issues.Increased sensitivity to physical sensations.Cognitive Difficulties:Difficulty concentrating or focusing.Memory problems.Difficulty making decisions.Hyperarousal:Difficulty sleeping.Easily startled or frightened.Hypervigilance or a constant sense of being on edge.

Not everyone with Complex PTSD will experience all of these symptoms, and the severity of symptoms can vary greatly from person to person.

Typically the responses of the person to stressors and triggers are considered behavioral issues. Too little attention is given to the brain’s and the body’s sensitivity to both internal and external upset.

Too little attention is given to the brain’s and the body’s sensitivity to both internal and external upset.

There is always a reason for the feelings, always a cause to the response.

The neuroendocrine system plays a crucial role in sensory dysfunction through several mechanisms:

Stress Response and Sensory Processing:Stress Hormones: Stressful situations trigger the release of hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which can alter sensory perception. Chronic stress can lead to heightened sensitivity to pain or reduced sensitivity to other sensory stimuli.Brain Plasticity: Stress hormones can influence the structure and function of brain areas involved in sensory processing, potentially leading to long-term changes in sensory perception.Hormonal Regulation of Sensory Receptors:Hormonal Modulation: Hormones like estrogen and testosterone can influence the expression and function of sensory receptors, affecting the way we perceive sensory information.Hormonal Imbalances: Hormonal imbalances associated with conditions like menopause or thyroid disorders can lead to changes in sensory perception, such as altered taste or smell.Neurotransmitter Interactions:Neurotransmitter Modulation: Neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine play a role in sensory processing. Hormonal fluctuations can affect the levels of these neurotransmitters, impacting sensory perception.Neurotransmitter Imbalances: Imbalances in neurotransmitter levels can contribute to sensory disorders like chronic pain or tinnitus.Inflammatory Processes:Inflammatory Processes:Inflammatory Mediators: Hormones can influence the production of inflammatory mediators, which can affect the function of sensory neurons and lead to pain or other sensory disturbances.Chronic Inflammation: Chronic inflammation associated with conditions like arthritis or fibromyalgia can lead to persistent sensory dysfunction.Autonomic Nervous System:Autonomic Regulation: The autonomic nervous system, which is regulated by the neuroendocrine system, plays a role in modulating sensory input.Dysautonomia: Dysautonomia, a condition characterized by dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system, can lead to a variety of sensory disturbances, including dizziness, lightheadedness, and changes in temperature perception.

If you are struggling with the symptoms of Complex PTSD, it’s important to seek professional help. Therapy, medication, and other treatments can be effective in managing the symptoms of Complex PTSD and improving your overall quality of life.

Here are some tips on how to approach your healthcare provider:

Do your research: Before your appointment, research the potential neurological and neuroendocrine effects of Complex PTSD. This will help you articulate your concerns and ask informed questions.Make a list of your symptoms: Write down a list of any physical symptoms you’ve been experiencing, such as headaches, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, or digestive problems.Be specific: When discussing your symptoms, be as specific as possible about the frequency, severity, and duration of each symptom.Be prepared to answer questions: Your healthcare provider may ask you questions about your medical history, trauma history, and current medications. Be prepared to answer these questions honestly and openly. Ask questions: Don’t be afraid to ask questions about your symptoms, potential diagnoses, and treatment options.Consider a referral: If your primary care provider is not able to address your concerns, ask for a referral to a specialist, such as a neurologist or endocrinologist. Be patient: It may take time to get a diagnosis and develop a treatment plan. Be patient and work closely with your healthcare provider to find the best approach for your individual needs.

Remember, you are not alone. Many people with Complex PTSD experience neurological and neuroendocrine issues. By being proactive and open with your healthcare provider, you can get the support and treatment you need to manage these symptoms and improve your overall health.

New Book Coming December 20th 2024!

A new addition to the Stoning Demons book series is coming out in December! This completely updated version reflects new insights into Complex Traumatic Stress and Complex PTSD.

Complex Traumatic Stress Acquired Neurodivergence:
Resources and WorkbookA New Understanding of Complex PTSD

The new book will give you:

An explanation of how Complex Traumatic Stress can lead to Acquired NeurodivergenceDescriptions of the physical changes in the brain, nervous system and neuroendocrine systemAn outline of the 12 common clusters of acquired neurodivergent traits seen in Complex PTSDSelf-managed care approaches that focus on feeling present, soothing stressors, and moving forwardStructured assessments to help you set and manage your baselineRisk management methods to help you deal with triggers and episodes Soothing approaches to help you respond to stressors and return to your baselineCrisis management plans that help manage safety and a plan to return to baseline

The digital version is $24.99 and includes Resources and a Workbook guide. You will have access to download digital Workbook pages with your free subscription to the Stoning Demons blog.

Preorder Digital Book

The print version is $32.99 and includes the full Workbook in a compact 6″ x 9″ format. Includes a free subscription to the Stoning Demons blog.

Preorder Print Book

You can buy Stoning Demons CTSAN Self-Managed Care Workbooks in print for $9.99. These workbooks include extra assessment, worksheet and journal pages.

Preorder Workbook

All preorders will be processed by PayPal and will be ready for fulfillment on December 20th, 2024. You will receive a notice by email that your downloads are ready. If you order the print version, you will be notified of the shipping date, which is expected to be 7 days after the release date. This will give me the chance to sign them before sending them on to you. You can also choose direct shipping from my distributor.

Join me on Facebook Live for a release discussion on December 20th.

https://www.facebook.com/share/1YUoknCK3o/

Join Me Live

All print preorders will be signed and include a gift copy of my new comic series, KIDDO the inner child, coming out in 2025.

Please subscribe and support my work. Thank you all for being here with me over the last twelve years!

The difficult reality of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

It’s a difficult reality, growing up with trauma can leave impacts long beyond childhood.

The effects can touch everything from relationships and work to your nervous system.

Anchor Kelly Koopmans spoke with Anna Runkle, who’s known as the “Crappy Childhood Fairy” about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Childhood Trauma Shapes an Under- or Over-Active Inner World | Psychology Today Singapore

By Nancy Sweeney, CLC & Dr. Cara Gardenswartz at GroupTherapyLA/NY

Childhood trauma is an intricate experience that deeply imprints on our psyche, influencing both our internal and external engagements. Its effects often persist into adulthood, manifesting in varied ways. Trauma can drive two seemingly opposite coping strategies: an over-focus on the external world or a retreat into an enriched inner life. These patterns, while distinct, share a common root in childhood trauma.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/the-discomfort-zone/202408/childhood-trauma-shapes-an-under-or-over-active-inner-world

Autism and PTSD: Overlap, link, and treatment

Medical News Today

 by  — Written by Meara Withe on February 9, 2024

Autism and PTSD have some overlapping symptoms, including sensory sensitivities, avoidant behaviors, and potential difficulty in social situations. However, they are distinct conditions and have very different underlying causes.

Understanding the overlap between autism and PTSD is essential for an accurate diagnosis. These conditions can also coexist. By understanding how they interact, mental health professionals can create a tailored approach that meets the needs of each person.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/autism-and-ptsd