Pamela Q. Fernandes's Blog, page 30

The Fearful Author

“Everything you want is on the other side of Fear” Jack Canfield

Authors are fearful of may things. We fear the editor, the reviews, the reviewers, the readers, the market. I even fear the speaker on my podcast. There are times when my heart is galloping away before I first say hello to my speaker. I’m filled with fear.

Why are we afraid?

Overcome your Fear

Better yet, how do I cope?

Just do It

Nike has this amazing tagline and I believe one way to conquer fear is to just do it. Do what makes you fearful. When I’m scared of my editor, I just get the edit done, if I’m scared of doing the podcast, I take a deep breath and make the call. Just do what you have to do.

Realize we’re all only human

If fear of feedback or criticism is paralyzing your writing, don’t let it. Remind yourself that the people reading your work are as human as you are. They’re not of a more divine species or different. They’re like you. Human. Only human.

Failure and Success are Related

Don’t fear failure. Without failing you will not value your success. Yes, it will take time. It took me three years before my writing was deemed good enough for publication. It meant hours and pages of writing words on and on and not letting the fear of failure to quit.

Your’re not Competing 

Authors fear their peers. It’s easy to fear other writers but there’s no need. No one can write your words or your story. When you fear your peers start reading their work and learning from them instead.

Be Secure in what you you do

We all feel inadequate and insecure about aspects our writing. I write rubbish, no one wants to read my work, I have nothing interesting to say and all these self depreciating thoughts come over us. But you have to be secure as a writer. I can write, I do tell interesting stories and my words are powerful.

All of us fear something. As an author this fear can keep us from writing or getting the story down. It’s an issue that takes on many names and later we use it as a crutch to keep from writing. Is fear over ruling you? Identify that fear and try one of the above steps. Or pick up Feel the Fear and Do it Anway by Susan Jeffers, Ph. D.

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Epsiode 12 – What is a Christian Friend?

Spiritual friends wanna help you grow towards God and grow in your relationship with God.

What is a Spiritual Friend?

Michele Faehnle holds a Bachelor of Science in Nursing from Franciscan University of Steubenville. After twelve years as a labor and delivery nurse, she left nursing to be home with her growing family and answer the call to the New Evangelization.  She is the mother of four.

Michele & Emily

Emily Jaminet holds a B.A. from Franciscan University of Steubenville in Mental Health and Human Services and a Minor in Human Life Studies. After a brief stint as an administrative assistant at the Pittsburgh Leadership Foundation, a Christian non-profit, she gave up an out of the home job in favor of staying home to raise her growing family and be a worker in the vineyard of the Lord.  She is the mother of seven.

Michele and Emily both serve on the leadership team of  one of the largest Catholic Women’s Conferences in the country, the Columbus Catholic Women’s Conference.

In this episode, I talk to Michele and Emily about Christian friendship. The women talk about their own friendship and answer questions like:

-Why are Christian friendships so important? And what is a Christian friendship anyway?

-What sets Christian friends apart from the rest?

-How does one go looking for or making these friends?

-What is my responsibility as a Christian friend?

For our listeners who’d prefer to read, here’s the transcript:

Michele: Well, hi. I’m Michele Faehnle. And along here I’m with my dear friend Emily Jaminet and we are both authors and speakers and also work in women’s ministry. Really our goal with our writing is to really help women and others in their vocation and in their duties as wives and mothers to really embrace their faith and to move forward in living out an authentic relationship with Christ in their lives.

Emily: Hi, I’m Emily Jaminet. As Michele mentioned, we’re both mothers. I have seven children and Michele has four. And one thing we found is that Jesus sent his disciples out two by two. So we really like that imagery that in this culture you can be a little bit overwhelmed by all the duties and things you want to do and changing and bringing Christ to other people. So we really feel strongly and we work together in that two by two understanding of the gospel that He, Christ, can do so many great things.

So I’m involved in a mother’s local ministry on our Catholic radio, “A Mother’s Moment,” which plays every day, a word of encouragement. Michele and I work on the ministry team and we volunteered on a lot of different ministries over the course of 15 years. So one thing we found is just the importance of sharing the importance of Catholic friendship and God’s mercy for everyone.

Pamela: Now, I’ve read your book “The Friendship Project” and I think it’s great that you talk about all these relationships and this friendship in particular. And I believe you guys have been friends for a very long time, right?

Michele: Yes, we’ve been blessed to be friends for almost 20 years. Emily and I actually met in college. We joined what is kind of similar to, like a sorority, but it’s Christian-based, faith-based and we grew together, our friendship grew even after college. I moved here to Columbus, Ohio because I actually met my husband Matt at Emily’s wedding. It was kind of funny. He had been helping Emily prepare the program for her wedding and she jokingly told him she was gonna find him a good wife. And sure enough, at the wedding at the after-party, I met him and her parents sat down at the after-party and we continued to have this beautiful friendship and like Emily said, we’ve been working together in ministries for our whole adult life.

So it’s been such a blessing to work together and one of our favorite things I was gonna share about was when we had babies together. We actually had a baby on the same day. We both had babies on June 8th in 2011 and that is National Best Friend Day here in America, and all around. So the idea, so the Lord to us, was like, “Wow, we’re even having these babies, which were due three weeks apart, on the same day.” The next day after they were born we were in the hospital and the Eucharistic minister and came and brought us the Eucharist and we realized that God had a special, you know, he was showing us how special our friendship was and when you come together as spiritual friends, you can do so much for the kingdom of God.

So we wanted to share that in the “Friendship Project” book with other people, about how these types of friendships are special and they can really help you grow in your love for God.

Pamela: What exactly is a Christian friendship anyway or a spiritual friend? Why is this so much more important than having secular friends or non-Christian friends?

Emily: Well, the importance and the reality of a spiritual friendship is that it points towards God. You can have lots of different levels of friendship. You can kind of start with these friendships of utility where you’re getting a better service for someone. And then you can have these friends of pleasure where those are friends that you enjoy their company and you have a good time with them. And then you have friends of virtue, and those are friends that are helping you to be a better person.

But spiritual friends wanna help you grow towards God and grow in your relationship with God. So we know this is very, very important in our walk as Christians because being a Christian in this world is not easy. We live in an era that it is not an easy walk. It’s a dangerous and difficult path so it is really imperative that you have someone who is going to help you along on that journey. And we read in scripture how it is easier…in Ecclesiastes it says, “Hold one another up as we walk on this journey.” So two are better than one.

And with that, we can hold each other’s hand and pull each other up towards God. And we can be that mentor and that light and that hope for our friends who are growing in their faith. We stumble and fall many times in our journey in our faith life, so by having somebody who is going along that journey alongside with you, they can help you in this walk and help you really, the goal of these beautiful, spiritual friendships is that we get to be in heaven together with our friends.

Pamela: How would you identify a good Christian friend because there are lots of people who are Christians, so how would you identify a good Christian friend?

Michele: Well, that’s a great question because it is confusing and I think about in Matthew 7:13, it says, “By the fruits, you will know them.” So the first thing you’re gonna do is you’re gonna look at your friends and not judge them based on their imperfections, but look at the good in them, look at the fruits of their life. And, you know, ask the Lord to bring you these types of friendships. So you’re gonna bring these friendships to prayer. You’re gonna kinda look at their life and if they were even capable of friendship.

And one of the things we talk about in our book, “The Friendship Project,” are virtues. And when we grow in virtue and you grow in these beautiful habits and dispositions and allow yourself to be changed and allow these virtues to transform you such as loyalty, and generosity, and charity, and faith, and hope. And allow those virtues to help you and then encourage your friends to grow in these virtues, you will begin to experience the blessing of spiritual friendship. So in our book, we talk about these eight particular virtues that we think are important for a Christian spiritual friendship. And that’s faith, and hope, and love, prudence, gratitude, loyalty, generosity, and prayerfulness.

So these are specific virtues that when you embody these and live these out with inspiration to want to every day improve, God can really help transform friendships and make them a spiritual friendship.

Pamela: There are lots of people who end up being friends and then you realize that they’re steering you away from God. Do you take it up as a project that, “Okay, I’m gonna have this person change,” or do you just let go of these friends?

Emily: Yeah, I think that’s a great question because we do all have friends that maybe aren’t necessarily bringing us closer to God. But one thing we definitely encourage in our book is a lot of deepening and developing these friendships. So first, prayer. I believe and I know the Holy Spirit will speak to our hearts and help us to see what is healthy for us and what is good for us. And it’s always healthy and okay to pray for our friends but it’s not necessarily always healthy to interact with people that aren’t bringing us closer to God. And the patron saint of friendship is St. John the Apostle, he’s a great person to specifically pray to for friendship.

Michele: Emily said ask the Holy Spirit. You know, who do you want me to be friends with and have them to help that. Part of the thing we talk about is prudence and making a discerning decision about who you’re spending your time with. So maybe if your friends are wanting to take you out to the bars and party and you know this is taking you away from your faith, then maybe those aren’t the type of people that you need to be spending a lot of time with. That maybe you can go to coffee with a friend like that and talk about things that have a relationship but you need to develop and spend more of your time on these friendships that are going to help you to grow closer to God and those are the ones you should really focus on and have those be of more importance in your life.

But we all have friends that aren’t Christian or don’t even believe in God. They can be…but we also have to remember we have to love everyone, right? Jesus calls us to love everyone but only form friendships with those who share virtuous things with you. And that’s a quote from St. Francis de Sales because he says, “The higher the virtues you share and exchange with others, the more perfect your friendship will be.”

Pamela: So how does one go about looking for or meeting these friends? Because I know in your first chapter you’ve got, like, eight points and where do you start looking for them? So tell people how do you go about looking for these friends or meeting them?

Emily: We talk about in the book, idea of Friendship Friday. So I’m sure your listeners feel the same way. We live in a very fast-paced culture where we’re inundated with media, and social media, and technology. But it’s really important to actually cultivate friendship and spend time with our friends.

So the first thing we recommend is Friendship Friday. One day a week specifically you not only pray for your friends but you interact with your friends. So sending, you know, messages to them and encouraging them, call on your friends, having coffee with your friends, meeting for mass with your friends, that’s really a great way to start forming these spiritual friendships is when you come together and go to mass or adoration, or form a bible study or a faith sharing group with a group of women that can really encourage you. So some very practical things.

But when you come together and spend time together, such as thinking about your relationships on Friendship Friday, you’ll really see that God can use that one-on-one face time and that encouragement to develop friendship.

Michele: Another thing we recommend, as Emily mentioned, doing these small, faith sharing groups, so getting into these small close-knit groups of men or women, you can do, or you can even have combined groups, doing scripture studies together is a great way. Emily and I have been in bible study groups for over 10 years together. So we take a different study and we read the scriptures together and answer questions and have some fellowship together. And that is one thing we made “The Friendship Project” book actually a group study because we know how important these are.

So right inside our book, we included a study guide so all you have to do when you wanna have a group is you get the book for everyone and the study guide is included. We read the book together. You come together. We also created great free videos online at our website, thefriendshipprojectbook.com. So the group can watch a little video about each…a little bit about the virtue. And then we have a guest each time who was the featured friend of the chapter. So you get to hear a little bit about their story, and their life, and their experience with friendship. And then they can go to the back of the book and read the study guide questions together. So this is really great in fostering friendships. People are getting to know each other in these small groups.

And then we encourage the groups to pray together because this is really where that deepening of faith goes. Going around and sharing your prayer intentions is a great way when you’re with this small group. And you really get to learn what’s on each other’s hearts. And then we have them go through a scripture verse together and just pray over that scripture verse and see what the Lord is saying to them, and to share that together. So those are just some very simple ways of developing new friendships.

Then we have to talk about volunteering and doing good works together with your friends. This is something…our first book was called “Divine Mercy for Moms,” and we talk about works of mercy. And that’s going out and working in the soup kitchens, and feeding the sick, and clothing the naked, and all those things we talk about in the book of Matthew. And when you do those type of things with your friends, those are also really strengthening things, and what our friendships should be doing is pointing us towards doing good deeds for others.

Pamela: I mean, there are lots of people who today invest in online friendships and they would probably tell you that they have 1,000 or more friends online. Would this be a good thing or would you suggest interacting in person or meeting in person would be much better in terms of developing a personal friendship?

Emily: I’m so glad you brought up the wave of technology because in the last 20 years our relationships have changed dramatically. Like you said, we can access friends from our very beginning of our childhood to coworkers all at the same time in the hit of a button, right, with social media. So these 1,000 friends, I hate to tell your listeners, are not your true, best friends. Maybe [inaudible 00:12:11] they do like you, but they don’t really know you. And you don’t really know them because a lot of the things they’re presenting or we’re presenting is one-dimensional. You don’t really get to see what’s on the other side. You don’t really know the rest of the story. Everything looks so perfect in these posts and how people present their lives.

So when we get together in faith sharing groups, and there’s a lot of good, let me just finish by saying, yes, there’s a lot of good that can come through your social media and you can use it to evangelize such as sharing about some of the beautiful experiences in your city. We use a lot of social media to promote our women’s conference. And a lot of people come because they say, “I saw that picture last year and it looked inviting and I wanted to see what it’s about.” But everything should point to Jesus and authentic relationships. So with that in mind, maybe out of those 1,000 friends, you might have 20 potential really good faith sharing friends that can really support you. So yes, you might have a lot of people praying for you, around the world if you ask for prayers but when you come together in person and really develop that relationship, you receive such a richer experience of faith-filled friendships and this spiritual friendship.

Michele: And one thing I would give as an example to people is, sometimes I might sit in the evening for an hour and waste it on Facebook, right? And I probably read 200 or 300 people, what they had for breakfast that day or what they wore to work or that type of thing. But I didn’t get anything deep and meaningful out of that hour. But instead, if I had picked up the phone and called a friend or met a friend for coffee or said, “Hey, let’s meet after church, let’s go pray together,” there is so much more that I would gather from that relationship and from that time spent with a real person than just trolling around on social media.

So as Emily said, there are good things out of social media. I have friends that I sometimes have just met over social media and I’ve developed a real, true relationship and they’re good people and helping me grow in my spiritual journey. But they can’t compare with, like, my relationship with Emily, who I’m working every day with and spending time with every day in real person. And that’s a deeper level of friendship. But it can be a good tool, our social media, but we always want to go to that real, real, relationship and authentic relationship and meeting with a real person.

Pamela: So basically when I read your book, there was a line that I liked really. It was, “Good friends teaches what it means to be fully alive.” And I really like that statement because it jars you out of your humdrum existence into understanding what a good friendship can do to you. So what is my responsibility if I’m a spiritual friend, what is my responsibility as a friend? Instead of expecting from the other, what should be my role then?

Michele: First and foremost, the reason why we called the book “The Friendship Project” is because it is just as much about you growing in virtue and in holiness as it is looking for that towards your friend, right? It’s not just about me looking for these perfect people that really don’t exist. No one is perfect, right, we’re all full of imperfections. But we wanna be around people that inspire us for the great. And Michele and I believe that God speaks through our friendships if they, especially, are holy and that person is connected to our Lord through the sacraments and they’re really striving to grow in their faith, like you. So they might encourage you to join a local ministry or they might encourage you to say, “Did you say your daily rosary today?” I mean, those are kind of things that as a spiritual friend, you can say and if the answer is, “No, I was really busy with the kids,” or “I was really busy with work,” it’s meant to inspire, not to create guilt and, you know, anxiety.

Our friends are meant to help us be truly alive and realize that our hope is in Jesus Christ and that we are journeying together as friends to heaven. And as the saints continue to say, and the thing that was maybe my favorite part about this book was realizing how many amazing saints had best friends that were there encouraging them to grow in their faith. And it gave me a new understanding of sainthood because a lot of times when we hold up these saints, these icons or these people all alone, you know, making this amazing experience, and setting up convents and changing the world. But a lot of times they had a community of friendship that really fed them and helped them. So that was the reason why we chose friendships and saints that were friends.

Pamela: How would you ask people or suggest people to pray for their spiritual friends, especially when they’re going through a hard time or, you know, things are difficult and times are tough?

Michele: Absolutely, and as you mentioned in the book, we share about our friend Stacy who had stage 3 brain cancer. So, you as a physician are aware, this is not a good prognosis. She was 30 years old, she had two young children at the time. Lived down in Atlanta, Georgia, and Emily and I are up in Columbus, Ohio. We wanted to be able to do something for our friend and be there. But just with time and space and the distance between us, we couldn’t be there physically.

So what a friend of ours did is we made prayer bracelets. So we wore prayer bracelets as a reminder, as every time we saw that prayer bracelet, to pray for our friend. And every time we bumped it up against a kitchen counter or it caught out of the corner of our eye, we were reminded to say a prayer for our friend. And it’s important when we tell our friends we’re gonna pray for them, that we really do. Because how many times do we say, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” and, “I’m gonna pray for you.” But by two days later we’ve already forgotten.

So one thing Emily and I do, we actually create our prayer bracelets and sometimes we’ll put letter charms on our bracelets so we remember the names of our friends. I also use a great app, it’s called Echo Prayer Manager. And it’s a free app. You can download it on your phone and every time someone asks me to pray for them, I plug it in this app so then when I’m at church and I have quiet time to pray, I’ll pull out this list and pray for everyone by name. And I also use it to set automatic prayer reminders. So what’s really neat about this is every day at noon I get an automatic prayer reminder to pray for someone, it’s just one name.

So every day at noon I’m reminded to pray for my friend Lisa, was my prayer reminder today. And I know this was also a little prompting from the Holy Spirit because my friend Lisa is actually doing this huge pilgrimage where she’s walking, it’s called Notre Dame Trail, and walking for miles and miles and miles, praying on this journey. It’s a difficult experience but a prayerful one. So I know this is another gift to be able to pray for her as she’s going through this and these little reminders to pray for our friends. And one thing we also talk about in the book is praying with our friends.

Emily: As Michele mentioned, it’s so important to pray for our friends, but it’s also important to pray with our friends. And one thing we’ve learned about spiritual friendship is that is how you deepen a friendship is allowing the Lord to come into that friendship through prayer. So one thing we recommend is that when a friend is talking about maybe their trials and their struggles if it’s in their personal life, or their finances, or their health, say to them, “Would you like me to pray for you?” Which is a wonderful thing to say. Or, “May we pray together now?” And ask them if they wanna pray. “Can I say a little prayer for you now?”

And when you pause in that very moment and bow your head and pray, you know, that friend knows that you care and maybe they might not be in the same place that you are spiritually, but it creates a door that the Lord can really work into her life. And use you as possibly a way to bring the gospel in a brand new way into her life.

So we really encourage people praying together and that’s why with “The Friendship Project Study Guide” that goes with our book, that’s free in the back of the book, we always tell people to pray your prayer intentions together. Because you wanna know what people are praying for, and that’s really where my conversion took place was beginning to think about other people and their struggles and growing in gratitude and realizing that I’m an important person as I pray for the people in my life.

Pamela: Tell our readers about “The Friendship Project,” for those people who don’t know about it.

Emily: Sure, “The Friendship Project” was conceived over the last couple of years. So as Emily and I would go sharing about our first book “Divine Mercy for Moms,” people’s biggest comment, and they always want to talk about our friendship. And so many people said to us, “I wish I had a friend like that,” or “I don’t have anybody I can share my faith with.” And that really struck a chord with us because we want people, we know how important this friendship, our friendship, is with each other, how it has helped us grow in our faith. And our friendship with our other friends in our lives have really been important in helping us grow in our faith. So that is why we started writing “The Friendship Project.”

So this book covers, as we said, eight virtues. And we really talk about how you can grow personally in these virtues. And this is good not just in your friendship but any relationship you have to grow in these virtues because virtues help us to be holy and happy people if we live a life of virtue. And then we talk about some obstacles to these virtues. You know, what makes you not grateful? What makes you not a prudent person? What are some things that block you from doing this? So we kind of cover some things to shed some light on. What might be preventing you from growing in this virtue?

Then we also talk about a personal friendship. Each story we talk about one of our friends that has exemplified this virtue in their life and how it has impacted us greatly in our life. By living this virtue, our friend has shown us how we too need to live out this virtue and how it’s helped us grow in our Catholic faith.

Michele: And then as Emily mentioned, we talk about friendships of these saints, so these are holy men and women who lived on earth and we know a lot about, you know, there’s lots of different saints. And a lot of times we look at them as this solitary individual and what they’ve done in their personal accomplishments. But really, what we see in these saints is many of them had friends who also became canonized saints when they died too. So they had these saints, and we like to say that saints beget other saints.

So one person living a holy life is helping others to live a holy life. So we can join in and join forces with these other people and that will help us grow in great holiness. So as we mentioned, our book is not just a book. We have a group study at the back so you can do this with your small group. So get together. You only have to read one little chapter each week and then you can watch this little video and then answer some questions together, pray together. And these have really been a great way to develop friendship.

Emily: And Michele and I, we’re very blessed. We gathered with over 30 women before the book was released. And we went through the study as if we were participating in it, you know, just like any other group of women. And what we found was, one of the fruits of the friendship was a deepening of our love for Jesus Christ and the development of friendship. So it really is designed to help women encounter spiritual friendship and giving people ideas on how to deepen and develop friendship and not feel bad about the friends maybe you’ve had in the past, or if you’ve never had Christian friends.

But really be inspired to want to cultivate these types of friendships. And finally, the saints have all, some of the saints have shared on spiritual friendship, as Michele mentioned earlier. St. Francis de Sales has written some beautiful things on spiritual friendship. St. Augustine said, “In this world, two things are essential. Life and friendship. Both should be highly prized and we must not undervalue them.” So even a famous saint like St. Augustine was speaking about the importance of friendship.

And essentially, too, a final thing I wanna say is that our foreword is written by Father Larry Richards, a wonderful preacher here in the United States. And, you know, he really challenges us in the beginning of the book to make sure that we’re cultivating a friendship with Jesus Christ because he wants to be our friend first and when we are friends with Jesus, he’s the one that will open so many wonderful doors and give us so many blessings and give us the confidence to live our Catholic faith, no matter where we are in this world.

Pamela: Tell people where they can find your book.

Michele: Yes, our book is available on amazon.com we’re also at Ava Maria Press. And the great thing about ordering through Ava Maria Press is that if you’d like to do a group order, they’re offering a very special discount for book orders of 10 or more, they’re offering 40% off. And if you order before the book is released September 22nd, it is free shipping. But after that, you still can get the 40% off. So it’s a great deal if you want to do this as a group because then the cost is very, very inexpensive. But it also will be in Barnes and Noble bookstores and any local Catholic bookstore.

Emily: And we also, if you reach out to us at thefriendshipprojectbook.com, that’s where you’ll access the video series that will go with each chapter. And we have a lot of really neat resources, Michele and I have been working hard at putting together, you know, invitations so you can invite your friends, recipes that you might make for great food as you gather together. You know, lots of practical handouts and really, what we’re most excited about is, there’s, right on the website will be a way to print out the free journal so all the questions and everything will be there. So with technology that piece of it, you can just print it right off and it would be there for anyone no matter where they are located.

Pamela: Tell us also about your social media links.

Emily: So @thefriendshipprojectbook is where we’re found on Facebook. On Twitter and Instagram, we are Mercy for Moms, based on our first book. But if you go to our website either thefriendshipprojectbook.com we have links to all our social media there and join our mailing list so then you can get all the updates on anything going on with us, any new things. And feel free to reach out to us on Facebook.

We say we’re just two regular women and we’re happy to connect with our readers and happy to talk to you. So send us a message, we’re happy to discuss things. And if you’ve got questions about starting a group or anything, we’re here to help. We love to meet new people. We’ve met so many amazing people, like you Pamela, over the past two years, working in ministry. And praise God for all the gifts, all the wonderful people working in ministry in today’s world.

Pamela: Well, thank you for taking the time from your busy schedules to come on this podcast.

Emily: Well, thank you for taking the initiative and having this beautiful podcast and for calling us from 12 hours away.

The post Epsiode 12 – What is a Christian Friend? appeared first on PAMELA Q. FERNANDES.

Music to help you Write Better?

Music is something that plenty of us enjoy. Many authors write with music and many consider it noise. Personally I sway both ways.

Music can help you write

There are times where I imagine a scene like a movie and want the background music to help me. Here’s how:

Setting the Tone

I find this especially for somber or sad scenes. I’m a very exuberant person. I mean I do my text messages with kisses and hugs and all sorts of things. So writing a sad scene for me is tough. Yet my reviewers have often commented how heart wrenching certain parts of my book ended up being. Like Seoul-Mates, I remember having used Jisun’s track and it guts me every time I listen to it. But it helped me set the tone of Katia’s heartache and struggle to be accepted into a Korean family.

Identifying a Theme

Writing with music helps you set a theme. It gives your book a certain flavor. While I wrote about Cinders of Castlerea which will be out in October 2017 (yay) I had to get the Irish theme right. I was nailing the language, but I couldn’t get my head around the idea that I was writing in County Clare. No amount of book research inspired me. After listening to a few Irish songs and one in particular by Nightwish I could feel the fresh air across my skin in the emerald isle, savor the whisky and paint the scenes with rolling green hills and lush countryside amidst the backdrop of a fire setting maniac chasing my main lead, Anika.

Intensifying Emotions

Sometimes a tune or a song can stir powerful emotions. As you write, you think, “wow this makes me feel…..”Many times I listen to something and the music makes me run to my computer or notebook just to pen down what I’m feeling. For Under A Scottish Sky I practically heard Cherish the Ladies on repeat. It was just a song that stirred so much pain and feeling that everyone whose read it so far feels the emotion is sweeping. Even my cover reflects it perfectly. If a riff or a tune, creates something in you, makes you feel a certain way, reminds you of something, jot it down and listen to it again to see if you can recreate those emotions for your manuscript.

Music as a Character Trait

The music you listen to can also work it’s way into a character trait. For example if your character likes singing, or dancing to a particular song or is a fan of a band, it can always be added to your manuscript because it adds those details to people and it’s more than just hair color or eye color. It’s that tiny detail that gives your character another dimension.

As a Destressor

Sometimes if you have to transition from one mood to another or a fight scene to a love scene or simply want to get away from your writing, music can help you disentangle your emotions from your highly charged manuscript.

Rhythm and Lyrics

If you enjoy poetry and lyrics, then you know those words can help you write some powerful statements. It can help you string words in a rhythm you never thought of before. If you’re an author who’s writing prose or literary fiction, this can help you powerfully. As I write this post, I’m listening to Walk of Life by Dire Straits. I can’t wait to get up and jive to this right now.

QMC 15 – How do I enroll people for clinical trials?

How do I enroll people for clinical trials?

Dr EJ sent me a question about clinical trials. “I partnered with a pharma company to bring this amazing treatment for Hepatitis C to the country. It’s a proven treatment in big trials in the West. I’m having trouble enrolling people for these studies. How do I convince them participating in these trials could possibly cure them or achieve SVR status?”

How to Enroll in clinical trials?

I picked this question because I did write a paper on this recently and agree the newer drugs for Hepatitis C are a big improvement over what we currently have. (DAA’s or direct act antivirals, for anyone who wants to know.) The only issue is cost. These drugs are very expensive.

That being said, trials and in particular pharma companies have developed a bad reputation. And they’re not doing anything about it. I’m not here to argue about it, let’s discuss how you can get participants. At the very outset, let me underline that the hardest part of clinical trials is getting participants. I’ve been part of many research projects and I believe second to drafting the plan, this first step is the hardest.

But here’s how I go about it:

Evaluate the patient’s needs

Sit down with the person and go through their records, their labs, their adverse events and improvement or lack of it. Talk about where the drugs have failed or succeeded. Mention the development of new drugs and how it could help them.

Explain the Clinical Trial

What is the trial? How much time will it take? Will everyone participating get the drug? Explain the mechanism of action, how the drug works and how it aims to work. Is it a blind trial, what is the dose, the frequency of the drug, will they have to travel and will they have to pay. Pre-empt all their questions and answer them.

Explain the Risks

Don’t make it all look rosy. Other than preliminary findings, there will be a laundry list of side effects in clinical trials. Mention them and repeat the risks. The goal is to get participants who will go all the way. Often, clinical trials fail because patients drop out midway, the slightest doubt scares them off. You don’t want that. The success of any clinical trial is to have your sample in tact to the very end, irrespective of the outcome.

Talk to them Often 

Many participants will have questions. They will ask repeatedly about the drug or the study. Remember this is a kind of litmus test. The participants want to see if you’re going to just commit them and leave or if you will stick around even while the trial takes place. So they will come to you with doubts, they will call you about minor issues. Reassure them as often as is needed. Don’t push them away.

Prioritize Confidentiality 

Often participants are worried about confidentiality. You have adolescents, women, certain communities who are not decision makers at home and so they may want to be part of a trial secretly. Talk to them about HIPPAA and confidentiality. I’ve participated in some studies and I hate that doctors sometimes reveal these details in the elevator or in the car park and then everyone knows you’re in a trial. In fact, I suggest you head over to NIH and participate in a trial yourself to understand the mentality of participants.

Talk about Your Association

Be upfront with patients about what you’re getting from this trial. Your association with the pharma company may be the reason why some may not agree. They will automatically assume you’re getting kickbacks from them . So tell them how this helps you. Why do you think this trial is good. One example of this discussion is in the movie, “Miracle from Heaven.” Here the pediatrician explains to Anna’s mother in under three minutes, but it’s a good honest explanation of talking to patients about clinical trial participation.

Don’t Make it Sound Like an E mergency

There’s no reason to rush things. That in itself will hurt you. People don’t like being rushed into making decisions. Tell them the deadline and leave things there. You can remind them and if they don’t sign up, don’t bring it up ever again. There’s no need to guilt people into it.

Make Research an Aim of your Practice

I think one of the problems today is that our practices are like bars. Come and get what you and then leave. Instead, the practice needs to have a mission, a purpose and education should be one of the aims. In your waiting room, you’re sitting on a gold mine of opportunities to educate your patients. Instead of playing the news or reality TV, why don’t you run educational material about diseases, clinical trials, new developments and science. Use the wall space to highlight new trials that people can participate in. Mention it in your newsletters and make research a part of your practice. When patients know that this isn’t just a curative place but a place where you’re interested in learning and furthering medicine, they’ll be open to participating in studies and may even tell others about it because it won’t be the first time they’re hearing about it.

Don’t Force Anyone 

This goes without saying but don’t force anyone. People will come around, a clinical trial is a big deal. Yes, some drugs are winners but let’s face it, not all are and we want to follow the dictum, “Do No Harm.”

How do you enroll participants in clinical trial. Any tips? Share them with us.

If you’re a doctor who would like to send in a question, you can DM me on twitter @PamelaQFerns or even message me on LinkedIn or simply use the contact form or email me.

 

 

 

 

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Edit Better by Reading Aloud

Edit Better by Reading Aloud

Reading aloud? I hate this step. But bear with me.

This week I received physical copies of my book, “Ten Reminders for the Single Christian Woman.” My mother started reading it and as is the case, had a number of nits to pick. I settled to read the book myself and gasp. Despite the editor and me giving it another pass, as I read the book through my mother’s eyes, I could see the awkward commas and word choices because I read aloud.

I’m not a big fan of reading aloud. Imagine if I had to read out some of my larger works of about 70,000 words. My voice would be hoarse and I’d probably never finish.

Now I’m not suggesting you read aloud yourself. You can use a Text to Speech (TTS) software to do it for you. Microsoft Word has their own version of this built into the system. Reading aloud or a voice reading your text will help you:

1.Catch awkward phrases

2. Correct typos

3. Help you identify problems with dialogue

4. Gauge the rhythm of the sentences

5. Highlight repetitious words. In Milanese Stars, I used the word “just” 150 times

Why an extended break from writing is a bad idea

Breaks: Bad Idea

Breaks. Since the start of this month I’ve kind of slacked off writing. I barely did any writing. I mean zilch. I sent the edits and thought I deserved a break, but I regret it.

It all started with the one year death anniversary of my dad. I told myself I would write later. Then came the laziness. I did submit previously written material but I didn’t write anything new. Which was bad, because at the start of this year I had been writing continuously. That commitment paid off, which is why I have three sweet romance novellas releasing this year, namely, CINDERS OF CASTLEREA, The MILANESE STARS and UNDER A SCOTTISH SKY, along with my Christian Non fiction, TEN REMINDERS FOR THE SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMAN already out and a medical book in the works if I can only get out of this break mindset.

I think you should put in the required words everyday. Just like any discipline it gets harder to get back in the writing saddle, the longer you’re away from it.

I went from loving it to avoiding it. And I can’t do without writing. But the break ruined my focus and rhythm. Earlier I would write 2,000 words a day. After the break, I can barely chalk 200. It’s hard, my thoughts seemed jammed and the words come out clunky, if you know what I mean.

It’s going to take me a while before I can get back up to speed. A long while. Imagine the month I’ve lost over this. I could have had another first draft ready by now if I had only done my bit.

I don’t think think this is just for writers but you could apply this to everything : Going to the gym, learning to play the piano, handling a small business ; here’s a little advice:

-Do Bitwork

Whatever your goal, if you’re taking a break, don’t stop completely. Keep doing bits of it during your break. That way it’s not too hard to get back in. You also won’t lose touch of what you’re doing or writing.

-Show up

Even if your doing crap, do it. It’s easy to put it off, because you’re in break mode. But show up at your desk or laptop and do crap. Your mind knows you’ve done something to stay in the habit.

-Don’t Set Big Targets

During my break, I still set big targets. Finish X or edit Y and I did nothing. Instead when I saw them on the list I just shut down my PC. I knew they were not achievable during this time, why did I even bother making them?

-Don’t Be Hard on Yourself

When I realized I hadn’t done anything substantial for the last fifteen days, I went into meltdown more like ‘eatdown,’ because I consumed a lot of food.  I then made a gruesome schedule to get back on track and then realized, ‘who am I kidding?’ Don’t punish yourself for being on a break. In my case, I didn’t have to be so rigid. I have four books this year. Four. I’ve been mercilessly recording, writing, reading, researching, editing and marketing at breakneck speed in order to drown my pain, but I needed a break.  I needed rest before I self destructed. So don’t be hard on yourself. If you’ve reached one major milestone and haven’t achieved the others, you’ll get there. Slowly but surely you will.

However, if you can, learn from my mistake. If you’re on an extended break follow the above tips and let me know if they helped you.

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QMC 14 – HANDLING LADIES’ DAYS ON DUTY

“How do you handle ladies’ days on duty?”

Dr. OG has a very important question. She says, “I’ve started a surgical residency and I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to deal with ladies’ days. I’ve spotted, stained, been caught unaware, you name it,  it has happened to me. How am I supposed to deal with this?”

Ladies’ Days

I wasn’t sure about answering this because if you’ve had an intense clerkship, then you’d probably be accustomed to this. However, if you were blessed to be at a cush urban hospital then you may not have had to deal with this in the past.

I actually googled online to see how female doctors deal with this on rounds, while scrubbing in etc and saw very little feedback. I think the general consensus is “You’re a big girl now. Deal with it.” Some general tips:

-Chart Yourself

Do the charting diligently. When leaky week starts, make a note on your calendar and count your cycle and mark the date. Charting helps you be extra vigilant the day the volcano hits. You’re not completely unaware.

-Always Carry Supplies

When we were in our clerkship, we had a colleague SK, who carried spare napkins for ladies’ days. Always. She was our go to girl in case of an emergency. She always had one in her bag. Maybe you could keep one in your bag for emergencies. This can be not just for yourself but for others as well. Stuff it in your shoe or your bra if you don’t carry a small pouch in the wards.

-Invest in Disposable Garments

During your ladies’ days, wear disposable underwear. If you’re on 24 hours shifts, it’s going to be hard to store and launder stained clothes. I can’t stress how much this can help.  Not to mention the hygiene aspect to it.

-Get Pantyliners

If you don’t believe in disposable garments then pantyliners can also help you through long duty hours and can also help you prevent any spotting during your ladies’ time.

Carry Analgesics

If you’re in intense pain and we know that can happen during some ladies cycles, take a pill to tide you over till the morning hours.  If you can carry a heat pad as well then do so. Carry your pain reliever with you.

Wear Loose and Dark Clothes

I’m not sure about you, but when I was a clerk, we had white uniforms. And it was tough during those days. Wear dark and loose clothing if you’re allowed the choice. It can certainly camouflage any leaks and loose clothing will leave you feeling less constricted.

Visit the restroom often

Go often to the restroom if possible. That way you’re aware of the status of the napkin or how long you can go without a change.

Choose short procedures

Just for those special ladies’ days scrub into short procedures instead of long ones. Cholecystectomy instead of Bilroth.

Hope this helps. Does anyone have any other advice?

If you’re a doctor who would like to send in a question, you can DM me on twitter @PamelaQFerns or even message me on LinkedIn or simply use the contact form or email me.

 

 

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Aggressive Authors on Social Media

Social Media is to build people up not tear people down.

Aggressive Authors on Social Media

Today I’m writing about aggressive behavior on social media. I’ll be honest with you. I’m not on social media to connect with family and friends. Those guys are on the phone with me ever so often or on my never ending list of “Meet this week.” I don’t use it to get news. I choose my sources of information very carefully. I do it because of the author and reader community. I do it to be part of the community, to encourage and learn about fans and what pleases them.

Too often you come across people on social media who’re engaged in pissing contests online. And every now and then you see grown individuals tearing people down to make a point instead of building people up. Are you one of them? Aggressive authors probably aren’t aware of their behavior (I hope so) damaging not just themselves but their brand. Don’t forget that social media is not the Holy Grail to sell books. Discover books yes. Sell books. No. I say this because we still read CS Lewis, Jane Austen, Thomas Aquinas and Shakespeare. I don’t see them on social media.

Aggressive behavior is what exactly? Here are a few of them and what this “aggressive-ness” does to fans:

-Bashing Reviewers

Not everyone is going to looooove your book. Some of them will like it, some will star it, some won’t finish it. There’s no reason at all to target reviewers, bloggers or readers with your aggressive behavior. Don’t stalk them, leave snide remarks, question their comprehension of worse their IQ. Remember, different strokes for different folks. Don’t show your temper, especially on social media.

-Bashing Other Authors

I didn’t think this needed to be said, but there are so many editors and authors who do this and think they’re being subtle. No. You’ll only end up looking like a fool. Social media is a very tight rope to walk. If you’re being negative and think disguised questions or veiled comments hide your aggression. You are wrong. That tight rope is now a noose around your own neck. So if you have have something nice to say, say it, otherwise keep quiet. Social media is tough to tight rope and fans will not give you a second chance when you lean the other way.  Nothing will come of insulting other authors or editors or publishing houses. On the flip side if you’re a victim of this, be gracious. Trust me readers are watching and reading. No author is perfect and we all enjoy enough self depreciation not to warrant any more from fellow aggressive authors.

-Auto DM’s

I hate Auto DM’s. Don’t plug people with an automatic message to follow you on 1000 other social media sites they’ve never even heard of. If readers are interested in what you have to say they will follow you wherever, but if you just don’t care and want everyone to buy your stuff without really having something interesting to share then they couldn’t be bothered.

-Playing the numbers game

Too any authors are doing the follow/unfollow or friend/unfriend dance. That is if you follow me I follow you. Or some version of this two-step. People are not interested in boosting numbers. They could get that for ten bucks. What they want is people who have new insights, or something teachable or funny, or interesting. If I see an author with this aggressive tactic of unfollowing in 24 hours I will not look at a request. I don’t have the time to play these childish games. And authors who are really hunkering down and getting their books ready, don’t have the time or energy for this either.

-Mailing List Collectors

This tactic is numero uno on authors minds. ‘Get everyone on their mailing list.’ After all, the marketing gurus swear by it. So authors bombard everyone with giant pop up subscriber ads on their website. And they won’t let you get away without signing up. I’m on multiple mailing lists and I try so hard not to give away my email, but I have to say of all the hundred mailing lists I’m on, I bought one thing in the last five years.  That’s one of the reasons I removed pop up subscriber lists on my website. I have a simple mailing list run by WordPress. I don’t send out special news, special discounts and special specials of any kind.

-Buy Me! Buy Me! Buy Me!

You’re coming off too aggressive if this is the only thing you’re doing. Selling something. Fans and readers won’t be interested in your “buy me” litany if they don’t see the real you. The non-aggressive you. They even wrote a book on this stuff. Can you believe it?

Do you know any other aggressive behaviors of authors? Tell us what they are and how it affects fans and readership.

 

 

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Episode 11- Peter: From Fisherman To Fisher of Men

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Peter

Peter: Fisherman to Fisher of Men

Charles Johnston is a father and husband in Phoenix, Arizona. His conversion journey has taken years, as he felt God pulling him toward His Church but he resisted until he couldn’t take it anymore. He gave in and fell in love with His Church.  He blogs for ‘Now that I’m catholic.wordpress.com’. In this episode, I talk to Charles, about the Apostle Peter, his ministry and transformation from a fisherman to fisher of men.

 

Charles highlights:

– The difference between Peter and Judas

– His openness to the Holy Spirit

– His ability to seek the Lord and remain loyal to Him.

– The spiritual journey and maturation of Peter

 

For our listeners who’d prefer to read, here’s the transcript :

Charles: Well, Saint Peter was from Galilee, which is like the northern region of Israel, and he was the brother of Saint Andrew. Saint Andrew actually came down…I mean he was the apostle of…the disciple of Saint John the Baptist.

And he came to Peter and he told him about Jesus. And depending on which Gospel you’re reading…you know, the synoptics sometimes change up the story a little bit you know.

And Jesus called them to be disciples, Peter and Andrew together. And a lot of people think that James and John, sons of Zebedee, were partners with Peter and Andrew, and they got a fishing business, like a venture together, you know.

So they were fishing in from Galilee. That was kind of the main export of the area, and Jesus called them to be disciples. Peter was married. It doesn’t say whether he was married at the time.

It was assumed that he was a widower, because at one point Jesus heals his mother-in-law. But there’s never a mention of a wife, so it was assumed he was a widower too.

So he’s just a, you know, a Jewish fisherman of the sea of Galilee that’s…along comes this itinerant Rabbi who tells him, “Come follow me. ” And he drops everything and follows him.

Like I said, he was a fisherman. He wrote the Epistles of Saint Peter, First and Second Peter, and they were written in Greek. And so there’s some debate on whether or not he even knew how to speak Greek.

Maybe he had, like, a secretary writing for him. But yeah, for all intents and purposes, he was an uneducated fisherman from northern Israel.

Pamela: Okay. When we talk about Peter, there’s a lot about his characteristics. So can you talk about Peter’s…I mean, throughout the Gospel, there’s mention about his temper. His brashness.

All different things. So can you talk a little about, you know, those flaws that Peter had that all of us have?

Charles: Yeah. Yeah, he was very much…he rushed into things. You know, he would just…he kind of put his foot in his mouth a lot too. You know, whenever it’s listed, the apostles are listed with Jesus and it says, like, who was there.

Peter is always listed first. He was a very important figure in Jesus’ inner circle. You know, it was usually Peter, James, and John was really His inner circle. And Peter would just sometimes just spoke his mind without ever really kind of thinking about it first.

Like, when they were going off to Jerusalem, he said, “I will die for you,” and all that. Just kind of swore his loyalty. And literally, you know, like, two chapters later, he’s swearing and denying that he even knew Christ you know.

So he was very much…he rushed into things. When the guards came to take Jesus away. And they grabbed Jesus to take Him away, Peter drew his sword and cut off the servant of the high priest’s ear, you know.

And so he was just kind of quick to act and quick to talk. And one of my favorite stories is during the Transfiguration, when Jesus is on top of the mountain.

And Peter, and James, and John, you know, the three amigos, are there with Jesus. And Moses and Elijah show up. Moses, and Elijah, and Jesus are having this conversation, and Peter pipes in and says, “You know what, I’m going to…why don’t we build three booths for you guys here on top of the mountain?”

And it’s… and he didn’t even know what he was saying, or he just felt the need. And we all do that sometimes, where you need to fill the dead air with…just kind of, you talk out of just wanting to fill the silence, you know.

And that’s what Peter had done, and just kind of stuck his foot in his mouth once again, you know. But that’s what I love about Saint Peter, is he’s really an everyday, everyman kind of character, like, anyone can relate with.

If you’ve got a temper problem, you know, he cut a guy’s ear off. So if you speak, you know, just without ever really, like, without processing it first, Peter’s your guy.

You know, he really kind of has a lot of these different flaws, but he also has a lot of strengths too. And it was really…Peter was really…his strengths were really reinforced on the day of Pentecost.

When he received the Holy Spirit, you know, in that special way the apostles in the upper room. That he went from kind of gun-shy. Kind of scared. They were up in the upper room.

You know, the door was locked for fear of the Jews, it says in the Gospel of John. And he goes from being this, you know, kind of timid…he would talk, and he would rush into things, but he wasn’t brave.

You know, it didn’t say bravery. And then all of a sudden, you know, bang. He’s out there, and he’s preaching this great sermon, you know, from Acts Chapter 2 or 3, whatever it is, on the day of Pentecost.

Pamela: So would you say that the turning point in Peter’s life was where, you know, the rooster crows and then he realizes his mistake? And from then on, everything changes?

Charles: Yeah, things change from there. But when it really is when Jesus met him on the Sea of Galilee, and post-Resurrection appearance of Jesus. And when He said to him, you know, “Peter, do you love me?”

And he said, “You know I love you, Lord.” And it was that three…Jesus said it three times. But what was really interesting is the words that Jesus used for, “Do you love me?”

The first two times He said it, was “agape,” which is like an, you know, an unending love. A love without boundaries, you know. He said that twice. And then the third time He said “phileo,” which is just, like, a brotherly love.

So it was like Jesus would just settle for that. Like, “If you’ll just love me as much as you love your brother, I’ll settle for that.” Then Peter started crying, because he realized, you know, the three times, “Feed my lambs.

Feed my sheep. Feed my lambs.” It was a restoration from the three-time denial, and I really think that would have been a turning point in Peter’s life.

Pamela: So what is the difference between Peter and Judas? Why didn’t…what is it that made Peter so much more resilient compared to Judas?

Charles: Right. That’s one of my favorite comparisons really, is the two apostles. You’ve got the traitor, Judas, and you’ve got the, you know, the Prince of the Apostles, Peter.

And the difference between the two of them is they both betrayed Christ really. I mean, Judas done it in a more of an overt way. He went out and he brought temple guards, and he brought them over and paid for it.

So his betrayal was, you know, more treasonous than Peter’s. But Peter, you know, was there, and he denied Christ three times after just saying one or two chapters earlier, “I’ll die for you.

I’ll die with you.” And He said, “Okay. Yeah.” You know, Jesus kind of knew it was gonna happen, because He said, “You’re sure you’ll die for me? All right. Later on down the road you’ll die for me.

But as of right now, you’re going to deny me three times.” And the difference between the two of them that…the thing that really strikes me is despair. Judas betrays Christ.

Judas realizes what he does, and he gives into despair, and he goes out and he hangs himself. Peter betrays Christ, realizes what he done, and then on Easter Sunday he ran up to our Lord.

You know, and he wanted to be restored to God. He wanted to…and it reminds me of any time we sin. If we turn back to God, God is always waiting there for us. He’s like the father from Prodigal Son.

He’s always waiting there with open arms. But the difference between someone who’s forgiven and someone who’s unforgiven is the despair. You give in to despair…and, I mean, everyone’s done it.

I’ve done it myself, and think, like, “Oh gosh, how am I going to be…I can’t be forgiven for this. How can I do…” And you give into that, and that’s a trick of the devil.

But it tamps you into not wanting to seek forgiveness. Not wanting to seek that restoration that Peter received on the shore of Galilee, when Jesus restored him back to his rightful place.

That’s the difference I see between Peter and Judas, is despair. They both committed, you know, treason against the king. But Peter came back and wanted to be back in the fold. Peter wanted forgiveness. Judas just went off and killed himself.

Pamela: Peter’s strength. I mean, we know that he’s a flawed individual. Peter represents the majority of us as people. But then Peter also represents this potential that God…Christ Himself saw this great potential in Peter.

Which Peter didn’t know he had. So what were these strengths that Peter had? This potential that was seen in him?

Charles: I think the biggest strength that he had was that he allowed the Holy Spirit to work through him on the day of Pentecost. Like, they said that sermon that he preached on the day of Pentecost, they said thousands were baptized.

Three thousand, it says in Acts. And he allowed that, because Jesus promised him, you know, right before the Ascension, “I’m going to send the Holy Spirit. Go back to the upper room in Jerusalem and pray and wait.”

It was nine days later the Holy Spirit came, and he allowed that to work through him, you know what I mean? Like, he could have fought, and could have said, “No.”

And could have said, “No, the master is gone, and woe is me.” And he could have went back into that state that he would have been, you know. But instead, he allowed God to work through him, and that’s what any of us have to do.

Because we all have our strengths and weaknesses, but we have to allow God to work through us to let the strengths shine through, because they’re all gifts from God. We have to allow them to work through us.

Pamela: Peter was somebody who changed gradually into his ministry. He would say…

Charles: Right, yeah. He was very…I don’t know how to put it. He was very anti-goyim. You know, a Gentile. He was very pro-Jewish and Jewish only, you know. And he wouldn’t even consider when God told him that all these things…when he had that vision on top of the house.

And the sheet was coming down. You know, it was the four corners that was held up, and it was all these unclean animals and stuff. And he said no when God showed him this and said, “Take and eat.”

“No, no, no. Never has unclean things touched my house.” So he actually said no to God. “No, I’m not going to do that.” In the end, the sheet came down…I believe it was three times.

It might have been four times until finally he got the message. And he went to Cornelius’s house, and that’s where he kinda seen that because…Paul was more of an apostle to the Gentiles.

When he came into a town, Paul would go into the synagogue, preach in the synagogue, usually wouldn’t get much results, and then go out to the Gentiles. Peter was the apostle to the Jews.

He would go only to the Jews. And he thought really that, you know, because salvation is from the Jews, he thought that it was a particular thing for them. That God was saying that, “This is…they’re my chosen people.”

But it’s spreading out, you know. It’s for the whole world. And he was kind of resistant to that, but then he got on board.

Pamela: Yeah, I think it was the Jerusalem Council that Paul and Peter had met for the first time. And then Paul was supposed to be…I think that’s where they identified that Peter would only talk to the Jewish people.

And then bring conversion there. Whereas Paul would be the guy who would speak to the pagans, because he was very successful with the Gentiles.

Charles: Yeah Peter was more…Peter stuck mostly to with the Jews, until he had received that vision to that…basically, like, “It’s okay, Peter. You can let go.” And this is the way it’s supposed to be.

Because then he started eating with, you know, mixed company. And then some of the Jews in, I believe it was Antioch, some of the Jews kind of took offense to that, that he was eating with mixed company.

Because it was Judaizers…that was one of the first problems of the early church, was Judaizers. And they said that, you know, to become a full member of the church you had to be circumcised.

You had to keep the Mosaic Law. And that’s really what the whole Jerusalem Council was about. “What kind of requirements do we have to put on these new Gentile converts?”

And Peter stopped eating with Gentiles, and that’s when Paul kind of chastised him. I think it was in Galatians that he talks about this, where he said and, like, took him to task for that.

And Peter seemed, like, “Okay. Yeah.” And Peter went back to, you know, the mixed company and everything. But yeah, that was what the Jerusalem Council was mostly about, was, “What kind of burdens do we put on?”

You know, “Do we make them keep the whole Mosaic Law?” And that’s where we get the Council’s decision. And the thing that was interesting about that too, is James stands up and he gives kind of his opinion on what’s going on.

You know, after they receive Paul’s testimony about what’s going on. And then Peter stands up and says, “We have decided. He speaks for the church.” You know, that’s where you really see Peter really taking on the leadership role, apart from Pentecost Sunday.

But he’s really taking on that role, saying, “We have decided.” So he’s speaking with authority there, and that’s when I think he really had a good leadership skill.

And he was always named first when naming the apostles, and he was always…sometimes in different parts of the Gospel. It will say, “Peter and the other apostles.”

Or, “Peter, James, and John, and the other apostles.” And at all the major moments of Jesus’ life, Peter, James, and John was there. But it was Peter who first recognized Jesus as the Christ, you know.

When they were sitting and He said, “Who do people say that I am?” And they come up with all kinds of, you know, “Elijah. Some say this. Some say that.” And then He said, “Who do you say that I am?”

And Peter spoke up immediately and said…because that’s what he does. He speaks immediately. He says, “You are the Christ. The Son of the living God.” And that’s when Jesus tells him, you know, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-jonah.

For flesh and blood hasn’t revealed this to you. And now you are Peter.” Peter was the first one to recognize Christ. And also, there’s another thing that I always found interesting, is in Luke. It’s Luke 22:31.

Thirty-one through 32, I think. It says, you know, “Satan, his request is to sift you like wheat.” And He says, “But I prayed for you, and when you turn back, strengthen the brethren.”

Jesus was telling him, “You’re going to betray me,” basically. He says, “He wants to sift you like wheat.” But what’s interesting is the word that He uses in verse 31 as “you” is plural “you.”

Like, in America, you’d say “y’all,” you know. Or “youse.” But it’s plural “you.” And then the next verse, when He says, “But I have prayed for you. Turn back and strengthen the brethren.”

The word He uses there is the singular version of “you.” So he is saying that, “Satan is gonna test all of these.” All the apostles will be tested and sifted, you know. “But I prayed for you in particular.”

Jesus prayed particularly for Peter. And, I mean, as Catholics we believe that Peter is, you know, the first pope, but even when I was a Protestant I still knew that Peter had a very special role.

That he was the de facto leader. He kind of became the leader after Pentecost, when he stepped up to the mic, but he was kind of the de facto leader the whole time, the way I see it.

Pamela: And it meant a lot that Peter had been…I mean, knowing that your leader has gone and left you, and now you are left with the ministry and doing all the things that He did.

So it must have been difficult managing the early church, which was so fragmented with no specific rules.

Charles: It would have been impossible if not for the Holy Spirit, really. You know, it would have been a sheer impossibility. There’s a story that Dr. Peter Kreeft tells all the time.

He’s a professor of philosophy at Boston College. And there was a merchant in France in the 1800s, and he wanted to convert to Christianity. To Catholicism. Or in the 1700s.

No, it was back during the time of the Bourges, so I guess it was the 1400s. And he wants to convert, and he tells the Bishop of Paris. The Bishop of Paris says, “Oh, great. I’ll baptize you right now.”

He said, “No, no. I’m going on a business trip to Rome. Let me go to Rome, and I want to see it all for myself. See, you know, the capital of your Christian Empire here, and then I’ll come back and I’ll get baptized.”

And the bishop thought, “Oh boy, he’s going to go and see all the corruption. You know, and all the different things that was going on. And all this, you know, high place corruption.”

And so the merchant disappears, and three months later he comes back and he says, “Did you see it?” He said, “Oh yeah, I’ve seen it.” He said, “What did you see?”

He said, “Oh, I’ve seen a terribly run organization with corruption and all these different things.” And then he said, “I want in.” He said “You want in?” And he said, “Yeah, because without the Holy Spirit, this would have collapsed two days after the Resurrection.”

If you look at the odds that they were up against for 2000 years, and especially in the early church, with all the things they were facing. And the Sanhedrin was constantly bringing them in and beating them in Jerusalem.

Until they, you know, graduated up to stoning Stephen. They sent Paul out as, like, a Christian hunter all the way to Damascus to go drag them back, and all these different things.

And then the Romans get involved, and the Romans start persecuting. If it wasn’t for the Holy Spirit, the whole thing would have just collapsed in a matter of weeks.

But that’s really what made Peter the leader he was, was the Holy Spirit. Because Jesus said, “I’m going to send the advocate, and he’s going to strengthen you. He’s going to help you and he’s going to bring back all these things I told you.”

Because you got to remember too, is we didn’t have a Bible back then in the early church. Everything was through memory and through oral, you know, passed-down campfire kind of stories and church services and stuff.

So they kind of, like, passed on, because the first Gospel wasn’t written…I think they say the earliest was maybe 30 years after the Resurrection. So it isn’t a terribly long time.

But still, even then they would’ve only had…like, each little group would have only had fragments of what we now call the Bible.

Pamela: So what exactly can ordinary people, like, qualify to learn from Peter’s ministry, from his life, from what he did, and what he finally accomplished? I mean, he started off being, you know, a fisherman.

And then he went on to being a fisher of men. So what can we learn from Peter?

Charles: Talk about the two biggest things I think that we can learn from Peter is, no matter what we do, no matter what happens, we can always return to God. So no matter what you do in your life.

No matter where you’re at in your current faith-life or, you know, whatever you want to call it, you can return to God. God can use someone like Peter, who denied Him three times.

He can use someone like Saint Paul, who killed Christians. You know, he had blood on his hands like we talked the other time, about Saint Paul. But Peter betrayed Christ in a very real way.

But, you know, he betrayed Him by denying Him three times, and yet here he comes out of that and becomes the first leader of the Church. He becomes, you know, the first pope, we believe.

But everyone can see that Peter was a very special leader in the early Church. And that’s really, I think, the biggest takeaway, is no matter what you’ve done in your life. No matter where you’re at.

No matter what kind of sin you’ve committed or what you think that God can’t…because you hear that a lot from people. You talk to people about God and they say, like, “Oh no, if you knew what I had done, God can never forgive me.”

No, He can. God can forgive you. God will forgive you. All you’ve got to do is ask, really. That’s all you have to do, is accept it. He’s already done the work. He already died for you.

All you have to do is really just reach out and grasp it. You know, it’s like a hand being offered to you. You’re drowning in the sea of sin, and there’s a hand reaching down, just like Peter when he sunk in the Sea of Galilee.

When he walked on the water. It’s the exact same thing. Jesus reached out His hand and grabbed him, and that’s what Jesus…has His hand out after every single one of us. Every person on Earth.

Jesus has His hand outstretched to us, and just like Peter, no matter what we do we can reach out and grab His hand. And that’s it. And there’s no…you don’t have to, you know, do any kind of, like, degree.

You don’t have to earn a degree. You don’t have to run a marathon. There’s no requirements, you know. Just reach out and grab the hand of Jesus. That’s, I think, the biggest thing.

And another thing is, be emboldened by the Holy Spirit. You know, allow the Holy Spirit to embolden you just like it did with Peter. The day of Pentecost comes, they’re in fear of the Jews, in the upper room with the door locked.

And here all of a sudden, he throws the door open and goes outside and starts preaching. And they would go to the temple, in the temple courtyards, and they would preach in the temple courtyards where the Jerusalem authorities actually were.

Like, that was their physical location, and they would preach right outside their doorstep. He became completely emboldened. Fearless, yeah. Fearless. And the fearlessness came from the Holy Spirit.

Because Peter wasn’t fearless to begin with. Peter was scared of, you know…he might have only got…I don’t know what the punishment would have been for being a disciple of Christ.

But he might have only got whipped or something to begin with, you know, on the day of the Holy Thursday or Good Friday. But he was terrified there. He was terrified to admit he even knew Jesus.

You know, “I’ve never seen him in my life.” But now, he’s going literally to the doorstep of the people who killed his rabbi. His master. His Lord. You know, he’s going to their doorstep and preaching the Gospel right outside.

So that’s a big turnaround, and we have to allow that to happen in our lives too. You have to, you know, be fearless in the sake of the Gospel. Just go out there and share the Gospel with somebody.

And you might get rejected. You probably will get rejected, you know, more times than they’ll give a friendly…you know what I mean? Like, especially if you do it, you know, in public or online or whatever.

You get a lot of nasty comments online. And just let it, you know, let it roll off your back. Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter what somebody says. What matters is the truth, and the truth is, Jesus is who He says He is. And that’s world-shaking truth.

Pamela: Did you also say that Peter was very loyal? I know that even though he denied Christ, I mean, he was with him practically every step of the way. Even though he said he didn’t know him.

But he was in the courtyard watching him, and you see Peter’s loyalty throughout.

Charles: Yeah, I feel like he was very loyal. I think that fear got the best of him. Or maybe it was even the devil, because Jesus said, you know, “The devil is wanting to sift you like wheat.”

So maybe it was just kind of a temptation from the devil. Just, you know, kind of like the old cartoons. The demon on the one shoulder and the angel on the other shoulder, you know.

And the demon got the better of him. But yeah, I think he was loyal, and he followed Jesus, and he wanted to do the right thing. He wanted to be there, you know, with his master. But I think he just let fear get the best of him, you know.

And that happens. It happens to all of us. I can’t seriously say without a shadow of a doubt that if I was there 2000 years ago, I would have walked right up and said “Yup, I’m with him.

Put me on the cross next to him.” You know, especially pre-Resurrection, because this was kind of an unexpected thing, even though Jesus told them. Like, that’s what always shocks me.

Because we read it with, you know…hindsight is 20/20. So we read the Bible and we kind of know what’s going to happen. Jesus is going to die. He’s going to get raised from the dead.

But them at the time, the apostles, even though Jesus would say, like, “Listen, I’m going to Jerusalem. They’re going to kill me, and then I’ll come back on the third day,” it just goes right over their head.

And it always surprised me, but I guess when you look at it, you know, hindsight is 20/20. Like I said, then you can see the whole picture. We can see the whole picture.

But back then, this was kind of a surprising event, that all of a sudden, here’s the Messiah, and he’s being took up to be crucified by the Romans. How could the authorities that are supposed to be waiting for the messiah too.

You know, the Pharisees and the Sadducees. How could they deliver him over to the occupying force? So it would all have been kind of shocking.

So I can’t say with absolute certainty that I would have joined Jesus on Calvary. But yeah, he let fear get the best of him, you know, and it happens. But I do think he was loyal. He wanted to do the right thing.

Pamela: And also, I think this is an exciting thing with almost every page. Every scene. That God sees the potential where probably human beings won’t. He sees things so far…I mean, you would never have thought.

That they would have gone on to do some great things. But then each of them went on and did them.

Charles: Well, I mean, we see that all the way back in the Old Testament too, don’t we? You know, when David’s…when Samuel went to Jesse. And God directed him to go to Jesse’s.

And he had, like, what was it, five or six sons? And every single one of them would come forward, and God said, “Nope. Nope. Not him. Not him.” Until finally He said, “Where is your other son?

There’s another son.” He said, “Oh yeah, he’s just…” And God said, “I look at the heart.” You know, He sees the potential. I mean, He knows the potential of everybody. He kind of goes towards that.

God can take a mold, you know. Your best potential. Whereas we might see, like, oh that guy’s a loser. You know, we judge from outward appearances, but God knows the heart.

And that’s the most important thing, is your heart. Your desire to do good.

Pamela: What are some of the most famous teachings or quotes of Peter? I mean, there were certain things that he…other than his preaching to only Jews.

But there were specific teachings that Peter had. What were some of the most famous quotations or teachings?

Charles: Well my favorite thing that Peter ever said was after the Bread of Life Discourse. You know, Jesus is preaching in the synagogue at Capernaum, and He tells them, “This is…you know my flesh is true food.

My blood is true drink,” in John Chapter 6. And then the Jews started grumbling among themselves. And then Jesus doubles down and says, “You have to gnaw on the flesh.” And then a lot of them left.

Many of His disciples drew back. They left Him. And Jesus turns to the apostles, you know, the group. There are the 12 of them. And said, “Will you go away also? Will you leave me also?”

Once again, Peter is the one, he’s the spokesman of the group, and he speaks up and says, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” And that’s really the perfect answer.

Where else are we gonna go? You’re the Messiah. You’re the Son of God. Okay I don’t…he didn’t say, “I perfectly understand your teaching here on the Bread of Life.” He didn’t say, “I get it 100%.”

He just said, “I’m with you. I believe in you, and so if you say this is so, who am I to say it isn’t?” And that’s really…that, I think, really sums Peter up, is he was willing to just trust Jesus and just go with it.

And it’s really something that I’ve strived to do, you know, for the last few years of my life, ever since I’ve really kind of re-committed myself to…because I’ve been a Christian my whole life.

But really I was a Christian with heavy air holes about that, you know. It was when he told them, he said in…I think it was First Peter. I have to look up the exact location.

But it was, “Be prepared to give a defense for the hope that’s in you.” You know, always be prepared to give a defense, and do it with gentleness and kindness too. But always be prepared to give a defense for the hope that’s in you.

And that’s…what is the hope that’s in you? The hope that’s in you is Christ, so always be prepared to give a defense of Christ. And not so much like “on the defense.” The word he used was “apologia.”

That’s where we get “apologetic.” But it wasn’t so much a defense like, “Be on the defensive, and if someone says something, say, like, ‘Hey,’ and get your guard up.”

It was, “Be prepared to share the Gospel,” basically. Be prepared at all times and all seasons. Be prepared to share the Gospel with whoever you need. If someone asks you, “So, what is this deal about Christianity?”

Be prepared to share with them. You know, and you don’t have to be a catechist, and you don’t have to be a professional evangelist, but we’re all called to evangelize. Every one of us.

You know, the church exists…I think it was Paul VI said, “The church exists to evangelize, and that is her basic mission.” We are a church that exists to evangelize, and not just Catholics. All Christians.

That is our goal. We are called to spread the news, the good news, far and wide. Jesus told them right before the ascension to go to the ends of the Earth. “Teach in everyone all that I’ve taught you.”

That’s our calling. Every single one of us. Anyone who’s ever been baptized into a Christian church, no matter if you’re, you know, Pentecostal, Baptist, Catholic, whatever, you’re called to evangelize.

And that’s what Peter said in his epistle, is always be prepared to give a defense. Give a reason for the hope that’s in you.

Pamela: So what book did you use when you were reading up on Peter?

Charles: There’s a book that…I actually took Peter as my Confirmation name when I was received into the church. And so my sponsor at RCIA gave me a book about Saint Peter, because I’m a big fan.

And I can’t remember the name of it though, offhead. I left it at home. I can’t…but another…it was really good. I’d have to maybe email it to you. Another one, though, was by Cardinal Dolan.

Cardinal Dolan, the Archbishop of New York. His Episcopal motto is, “To whom shall we go?” You know, quoting Peter. And he wrote a book called “To Whom Shall We Go?”

It’s kind of a reflection on Saint Peter, and I thought it was a really great book. And then, you know, apart from that, just all throughout the Gospels. And the first, you know, I think the first half of Acts is about Peter mostly.

And then it kind of shifts to Paul. So if you really want to read up on Peter, I’d say go through the first half of Acts.

You know, his name change, that’s a very significant thing that happened in the Bible. You know, he starts out as Simon, then he changes to Peter, and that’s indicative of…there’s a lot of people in the Old Testament especially.

You know, you have Abram changing to Abraham, and Jacob becomes Israel. You know, you have a lot of these name changes in the Bible to signify kind of a change in mission.

And Peter was Simon, and it was…Jesus changes him to Peter, and Peter means “rock.” “On this rock, I’ll build my church.” You know, he changes his name to “solid.” You know, Petros means “rock.”

It’s a solid, firm thing. That’s…at the time Peter wasn’t solid as a rock. But like I said, as you see later on, he becomes solid. And then, you know, he even died for the faith in Rome. He was crucified.

Tradition tells us he was crucified upside down. Because he told the executioners that he wasn’t worried that he would die in the same manner as his Lord. So they flipped him upside down.

And that was actually on…he was buried on Vatican Hill, so that’s where currently Saint Peter’s Basilica is built. Right over the top of his grave. But there’s actually a book…I never did read the book.

But I’ve seen the movie. “Quo Vadis,” it’s called. It means “where are you going?” And it was kind of an apocryphal story. I don’t know if was from the Acts of Saint Peter. It’s not a canonical book.

But there was a novel written in the…I think it was the 50s or 60s. They made it a movie in the 60s, and it was a pretty good movie too. And it was kind of about Peter’s later years, you know.

But supposedly the story goes, Peter escapes from the Roman authorities a few times. You know, he’s kind of underground in Rome. Kind of in hiding. And he escapes from the powers that be who were trying to capture him.

And he’s walking out on the Appian Way. And he’s walking out of Rome, and he sees Jesus. And Jesus is carrying a cross, and Jesus is heading into Rome, and he asks Him. He says, “Where are you going?

Quo vadis?” And He says, ” Oh, I’m going back to be crucified again.” Then all of a sudden, Peter remembers the last time Jesus went to be crucified and he denied Him.

And so he turns around and walks back into the city, and he was captured, and Nero had him crucified. It was a nice image of the way Peter grew, you know. The way he evolved in his faith, from being loyal.

But not loyal until death, to loyal until death. He went the whole distance. He became a martyr. The ultimate witness for the faith is…you know, martyrdom means “witness.”

He became the ultimate witness for the faith by submitting himself to martyrdom.

Pamela: And I think we’re all being called to that, like, from being just loyal, and on the path to being completely loyal. And it’s an everyday thing, I guess. That you’ve being called to do that over and over.

Charles: Yeah, well because Jesus is the king of the universe. The king of kings. And you don’t kind of submit to…we’ve all kind of lost the idea of what a king is.

Because, you know, everyone lives…not everyone. But most of us that are listening to this live in kind of, you know, in democracies, and we don’t really have monarchies.

I mean, they have monarchies in some European countries, but they aren’t really what they used to be. So we’ve kind of lost the idea of what a kingdom is and what is a king.

But Jesus is the king of the universe. He’s the king of everything and we have to submit. There was a couple weeks ago. The Gospel reading was, “Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all you who are labored and heavy burdened.

And I will give you rest, because my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’ You have to submit to the kingship of Christ.” And He also said, you know, “Pick up your cross daily and follow me.”

We have to be willing to go all the way with Christ. And 99% of us won’t be called to martyrdom. That isn’t what we we’re called to, but the little things, you know. Just we have to be willing to suffer for Christ if we’re called to that, and not turn away.

Pamela: And I think that one of the things is being aware of the moment that you’re being called. Sometimes we’re not aware that in this moment, that we’re being called.

And based just on your own independent trip, I think being open to the Holy Spirit leads you to understand that you’re being called at this moment. To this moment of fellowship, or to this moment of charity, or to this moment of, you know, giving, or, whatever.

Charles: Yeah, these divine appointments. I can’t remember who it was that I heard say that, “Divine appointments is these little moments in time where someone says something to you.

And just a Bible verse pops into your head. You know, share it with them. Tell them that. Don’t keep it to yourself.” Or, you know, if somebody needs counseling.

And you just sit there, like, nodding, “Uh-huh, yeah,” but you don’t actually say anything. But all these little things are just going to pop up in your daily life that you can use to help further the Gospel. That we’ve just let slip by.

The post Episode 11- Peter: From Fisherman To Fisher of Men appeared first on PAMELA Q. FERNANDES.

QMC- 13- The Celebrity Tag & Humility

How do I stop the celebrity tag from getting to my head

Dr DL has an unusual question about celebrity tags. “I’m a super-specialist. One of a kind at my institution. I’ve kind of developed a celebrity status. Nurses make way for me, I’m allowed ahead of the queue at the cafeteria and if I’m late people are willing to excuse my tardiness. I’ll be honest, it’s kind of flattering. I love it but it’s giving me a God complex. How do I stop the celebrity tag from getting to my head?”

Celebrity Tag & Humility

I have to say this was quite unusual though I can relate. It’s easy to allow the celebrity to take over and run away with the tag. I think the best bit is that you realize it’s getting out of hand. For one, appreciate that you are loved and respected.

As far as preventing the celebrity tag these may help:

DRIVE THE FOCUS TO THE TEAM

A doctor is only as good as his team. So whenever you can, share the limelight with the team.  I’m guessing you’re in a surgical specialty so you have an even bigger team to share the celebrity with at work. Your ICU nurses, recovery room staff, OT staff and the wards.

DON’T ACCEPT PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT

What today is deference will tomorrow be partiality. I know lots of doc’s who want to be served ahead of others in a line or expect preferential treatment. Why? Is your time more important than others? Don’t encourage this. Pay your dues as you go as far as time is concerned. You’ll be more loved.

CHECK ANY SELF- PROMOTION

In Medicine, the culture had been to self promote. You see it right in medical school. The higher-up’s have no clue who does what, and when the self promoters promote, it is assumed they’ve done the hard work.  This behavior gets reinforced throughout training. Are you self-promoting your own celebrity? You may be guilty of it without being aware.

KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND

Remember no one is perfect . The higher your rise the worse your fall. Every time you hear praise remind yourself you will make mistakes. Ground yourself. Stay rooted to your colleagues and especially other doctors, you need their help. Your celebrity maybe hurting them. So stay grounded. I do recommend Henry Marsh’s book “DO NO HARM” as he recounts being a neurosurgeon and dealing with his flaws everyday.

FLATTERY OR APPRECIATION

Know the difference. People maybe saying what you like to hear. Are you getting carried away by flattery? Once you pay attention, it’s easy to tell the difference. Deflect any flattery and cherish the appreciation.

STAY HUMBLE

You climb the mountain to see the world not so the world can see you. Stay humble. That’s the best advice I can give you. Here’s an article on eating humble pie. And a word of caution to the celebrity afflicted docs, if you think you’re humble, pride has already set in. Tha’s the simplicity of it. Read Dr. Jack Coulehan’s article on staying humble from the Annals of Internal Medicine.

I hope this helps you. And if anyone has any more advice please do share. I haven’t reached the level of suprerstardom