Roxy Mews's Blog, page 20

'Merica

It's the 4th of July. Which means, since I live in the old US of A, today we stay up past my bed time and blow shit up.

I'm celebrating the 4th with my family, and hanging at home with a cold beer in my hand. Hubby and I work long hours and this is one of those holidays that we both get off work at the Evil Day Jobs. 

It's supposed to be in the mid-90's all day today, so I have a feeling, despite the sunshine, I'm going to be inside with board games and the A/C. Cause this momma doesn't do shorts.

My neighbors have been celebrating loudly for the past week, so it's been a struggle to get my booty up at my usual time considering how much consoling of my poor pets I've had to do, but I've been lucky to have extra time at home this week to comfort them.

Do you have to convince your pets the world isn't exploding this time of year? We have our pup wrapped in a snug Thundershirt, and I've got the doggy downers on stand-by in case the neighbors were saving their biggest fireworks for today. The cat doesn't like it, but I've got a small cushion tucked under our bed, and I think that will keep him happy.

There will be many different responses to today and how people celebrate, or dislike the way others celebrate. But for me, my 4th of July has always been special, because it's one of the handful of days in the year this working family gets to be together. While we do buy some fireworks, and have our traditional s'mores, this day is really about not having to rush off to work or some huge gathering hours away. And that's why the smile on my face is so big in the picture. 

Working hard isn't worth it if you don't get to enjoy what you're working for. Today is my day to realize how lucky I am and celebrate the people I love most. I hope all my friends in the States get to find a moment today to appreciate what you work so hard for. Especially if you have to punch a clock today like a lot of my friends do.

I'm stealing my first moment with a cup of coffee, because I'm going to need to stay awake until it gets dark enough to watch the show in the sky. 

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

~Roxy

Apology Blueprint

One of the most beautiful parts of social media is an immediate connection with a simple search. It's an instantaneous way to say exactly what you're thinking.

Unfortunately, it's an immediate way to screw up too. 

I am constantly putting my foot in my mouth. I have a big mouth and big feet. They tend to meet often due to the gravitational pull. So apologizing is something I grapple with frequently.

I was around for another twitter kerfuffle last night. (I'm like a magnet, I swear.) And I want to talk about the most important part of what happens when you screw up. Saying "I'm sorry." 

As authors we are our brand. We're the face of our books, our social media, everything surrounding our business. We're also human (I think. Some folks might be part robot with how fast they write.) We're going to screw up or say things that don't come off well. 

I found an old article in the Chicago Tribune called "How to say I'm sorry and mean it."  This article had a blueprint for any apology from Guy Winch. 

"Winch said the ideal apology will include five specific ingredients:
1. An "I'm sorry" statement.
2. Expression of regret for your mistake.
3. An acknowledgment that social norms or relationship expectations were violated.
4. A statement of empathy in which you acknowledge that you understand how your actions my have hurt the other person.
5. A request for forgiveness."


This is a fantastic way sit down and go over what to say when you screw up. Right after you realize you've fucked up, it's easy to think, "I have no idea what to say," and then just avoid it. Steps 2 and 3 are what I know I always seem to forget to put into an apology. But they are so vital, it's important to make note and remember to put them in there.

Expressing regret, doesn't mean you express regret for how someone took your statement or action, but the fact that you understand you screwed up. Figuring out how you stepped on the toes of social norms or hierarchy, and laying that out, not only makes your apology believable, it allows you to remember why it was bad in the first place, preventing you from making the mistake again. 

This does not mean every time someone is offended we need to apologize. Because we'd be doing nothing but apologizing for our entire social media feeds. BUT...when we do something actionable that excludes others, or causes real pain, we know it's wrong. The "Oh, shit, that was bad" mantra will start playing the moment the words leave our mouths, or fingers if we hit send before we thought it over.

We are all going to piss someone off at some point. If you've chewed your own foot and need to apologize, do it right. And do it without excuses. Because your apology is not the place for excuses or explanations. Say what you did wrong, why it was wrong, and say you're sorry. 

Will an apology make everything okay again? Nope. But it is important to do what you know is right. Props to everyone who does apologize when they screw up. To those that dig in their heels...I made the blueprint bold so you could take notes.

​~Roxy

Weird Things We do as adults

Know what? I’m an adult. Yeah. I know. I’m figuring out just how weird of a ride this whole grown-up thing is.

So in honor of another screwy tangent my brain took me down, here are my top 5 weird things I do as an adult.
 
1. Discuss cleaning products.

I never thought I’d be the type of person to go hog wild over a laundry detergent. But holy smokes, I freaking love Persil, and I have asked my husband to smell laundry fresh from the washer. I’d feel worse if he didn’t mention it on occasion too. We’re both old. It’s okay.
 
 
2. Talk about death on the regular.

I can’t tell you how many conversations take a turn into “Did you hear who died?” For real. I thought as a kid that those convos were reserved for people strolling the halls of the old folks’ home. But no. From my favorite celebrities, to classmates, to family, I swear, someone is always dead. It’s damn depressing, but also gives some mad perspective.
 
 
3. Buy practical gifts.

When I was a kid, I was the fun gift giver. I thought random crap was the top notch buy. Now, as an adult, my baby shower gifts are always first aid kits, and my favorite diaper rash cream that is the best chub rub on the planet. Boudreaux's Butt Paste. Yes. You do want some.
 
 
4. Get intrigued by minimalism.

As a child it was all about quantity, and if I’m honest, as a younger adult too. But me, and a lot of my peers are talking more about streamlining, because we realize having all the stuff in our house means we now have to clean it all. Refer to point #1.
 
 
5. Give far fewer fucks.

Being an adult means paying your own way in life, and many people like me understand our time is currency as well, and we’re not going to spend our limited resources on the bullshit. Life is too short to not spend it doing something to spreads joy. Be it joy for us, or for someone we love, or a complete stranger. I’d rather spend five minutes hiding dollar bills in the dollar tree for kids to find, than pay for an over-priced coffee. If you’ve never done this…I dare you to try it and not smile.
 
But I also don’t stay in places I’m not wanted. I don’t have conversations that aren’t productive. And I don’t keep reading books I’m not enjoying. Fuck it. My time is worth more than the cash I forked over for a story that doesn’t resonate.
 
 
What do you do as a grown-ass person that you could have never predicted as your twelve-year-old self? I’d love to hear about it.
 
~Roxy

I wish I was good at video games...

My hubby is good at video games. My skills, on the other hand, failed to be relevant past the N64 and PS2. But I could kick your ass in N64 Mario Cart with Toad in 150 mirror, bitches.

Once the controllers got more buttons than I could use without doing hand stretches to warm up prior to playing, I kind of stopped learning. I've played most of the Final Fantasy franchise, but this last one was a serious struggle. Anything where I have to use a separate joystick to control the character's field of vision in some kind of remote controlled car style setup is not one I perform well in.

Thank the heavens the South Park Stick of Truth games were more story and turn based. I would cry if I couldn't play those. And yes...I found all the chinpokomon. 

Not only did my skill level come up against a serious road block these past few years, so did my free time. If I can't stop playing after 30-45 minutes, there's a good chance I don't have time in my day for video games.YouTube came to my rescue again. I think I started watching Markiplier first, and found him because of his "Try Not To Laugh" videos on a day where I was in desperate need of a giggle. Not only did he make me smile, he had a fantastic voice to listen to, and I realized watching him play video games was damn entertaining! 

Well, it snowballed from there. I now follow JackSepticEye, The Game Theory, Clare Siobhan, and my most recent binge-worthy channel...LaurenZSide. 

Maybe watching these folks play video games and spending hours getting lost in digital worlds reminds me of crowding around a TV playing Golden Eye until 2am in college. Or maybe they're just great at their jobs, and produce awesome content. Do you watch video game channels on YouTube? If so, who is your favorite? Let me know, so I can fall down another rabbit hole in YouTubeland.

​~Roxy

Gratitude with my coffee

We all need a bit of perspective in our lives, and I've decided to start making a note of one thing I'm grateful for each morning in my planner. 

With my current planner, I have tons of space to add in stickers and other goodies, but I want to make sure I'm taking the time to do the things that really matter. Bills, meetings, and online classes only take up so much space. It's no stretch to write down one thing I'm grateful for each day.

Yesterday I was grateful there was enough money in my bank account to buy fireworks and decorations for a fun 4th of July get together with family.

It might seem bad to some people to be grateful for money, but my guess is, those people have a lot of it. There are lots of things in my life to be grateful for, and focusing on one new one each day, is something that is going to attract more good things to my life. It's also going to help my mood on days when I'm working up a sweat at the evil day job.

Below is a video of something similar to what I'm working into my morning routine. But honestly, gratitude is kind of like a boulder rolling down a hill. It's a bitch to get the thing moving, but once you do, it's hard to stop. A friend of mine posted on Facebook asking what we were grateful for the other day, and it was such a wakeup call. I need to stop and make a conscious effort to start out not only with my clean kitchen and happy pets, but with gratitude for everything throughout the rest of my day.

Do you practice gratitude? Do you use meditation? Or do you journal in something like the book at the top of the post? And is this part of your morning or night time routine? 

I'd love to hear how you practice gratitude, or even just what you're grateful for today. Tell me below or tweet it out to me @RoxyMews.

​~Roxy

Recharging Creative Batteries

This pic is an oldie, but a goodie. This was taken in NOLA at RT14. 

I'm not here to reminisce, although, I really want to go back to New Orleans. I love that city.

Nope, I'm here today to talk about recharging my creative batteries. Motivated, successful, and people who are great story-tellers inspire me. 

I'm not usually a "get out and mingle" type of person. In fact, I'm a "comfy pants, wine in hand, in bed by 10" type of person. But being around other authors lifts me up in a way I can't get out of a Facebook messenger chat.

If you've been reading along on my blog, you know I'm not one for small talk, or generic chit chat. So you might be asking, "How is this chick not an eternal bore to head out with?"

Shit, I don't know. But I do try and have an idea or a list of things I want to go over if the meeting is trending toward talk of the weather. I do this before I meet anyone, but to what degree it varies from meeting to meeting. If I've been chatting with someone about a specific project they're working on, I'll make note of it. I'm horrible with names and titles, and having some info to refer to helps me out immensely. I could have this on a post-it in my purse planner, or I could have a whole page of notes in whatever bullet journal type thing I'm carrying on my person at the time. 

I also take my computer with me to almost every meeting. And a bit of paper. If we happen upon an absolutely brilliant idea, I'm getting that ball rolling immediately. I'll have my phone nearby, just in case of emergencies, but unless I'm pulling up the perfect meme, or a phone conversation, I try to leave it off.

When we're going to eat, which let's be honest, I'm most easily lured out by food or drink I don't have to prepare. Then I make sure to wear darker colors. I'll drop something on myself. Every damn time. My boobs and thighs tend to get just as much of a meal as my mouth.

But most of all, I make sure to let all my planning fly out the window. The best meetings go off in directions even I couldn't have planned, and the time gets away from us. Like today, when my breakfast meeting ran until damn near lunch. 

Because we inevitably talk about projects and next moves in our careers, I accomplish so much more throughout the rest of my week or month beyond after meeting with a peer. Sure there are times when we commiserate, or complain, but the best meetings don't focus on the negative.

My blog is going up late today, because I made my recharge time a priority. And although said friend also sent me home with a stock pile of goodies from her latest trip to find homes for, I'm letting my cat and dog investigate the smell for a bit and reminding anyone out there who might be listening, to find your local connections and make an active effort to meet up.

Don't have anyone local? Who lives within driving distance? Offer to meet them halfway. Face to face, and cohort to cohort time is more valuable than an extra hour of sleep. If that's not in the cards. Skype. Look someone in the eyes and make that connection.

People always tell me that conventions aren't worth the cost for an author, and I couldn't disagree more. Take another gander at that picture in the top left of this blog. That community, and those relationships I formed, some of which I'd only met with that conference, are now part of my tribe. Relationships, and contacts in this business, and ANY business, are worth sticking your neck out, and forking over the cash for. 

Do you go out to lunch with colleagues? Meet up for drinks to discuss new avenues of income with an entrepreneur you've been introduced to? If you don't, why not?

I'm recharged again, and I'm realizing I haven't gotten my fix in far too long. A big thanks to Melanie Jayne for taking time to talk shop and everything else with me. (You should check her out if you haven't already. She's a hoot.)

I'm ready to take on my week, and plan my next recharge. What about you?

~Roxy

Emergency Brownies

Many women, myself included, have specific times of the month where we comb the depths of our cabinets in search of some kind of hidden chocolate that still exists because we've eaten all of the other cocoa products in the house.

I have started keeping brownie mix hidden in the back of a few different cabinets because I have been caught without, and if I've had a glass of wine already, I can't exactly go out and buy some. The solution below came about before the gloriousness of the Domino's cookie brownie. (WHICH I WANT SOME OF RIGHT NOW)

So one of those nights came, and not only was I unable to leave the house, it was the night before payday. No money, no chocolate. But I had some basic baking shit in the back. It was most likely still good. 

I scoured the internet and found a 5 ingredient "brownie". I used quotes because while it was brownie enough that I survived the PMS need, I wouldn't make these voluntarily if other options were available. 

But I figured if you were ever in need of an emergency brownie recipe, I should share. 

Roxy's Emergency Brownies

1/4 cup cocoa powder
2/3 cup flour
5 Tablespoons Butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs

Preheat oven to 375. Grease 8x8 baking dish.
Melt butter in microwave, because no one wants to use the stove. Stir in cocoa powder.
In a large bowl (one big enough for dinner sized bowl of cereal) beat eggs with sugar. 
Add butter mixture and stir.
Add flour slowly until just combined. Don't over mix. And if you're PMSing you won't want to anyway.
Scrape enough batter in the baking dish to allow for at least a few spoonfuls to eat while you wait. (although you're not supposed to eat raw eggs, but if you're making this recipe you give no fucks anyway.)
Bake at 375 for 20 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes.

You actually need to let this cool to allow it to set. It's a little goopy otherwise. But if you're putting this on ice cream...do you boo.

According to the website I found this on, you could add in nuts or chocolate chips or marshmallows or even drizzle with caramel, fudge, or marshmallow fluff. But if you have all of those things, something tells me you wouldn't be making these brownies.

I don't know the calories or any of that other recipe shit, because I wrote this on a spare piece of paper over a decade ago, and I can't remember where the fuck I got it. PMS gives no fucks about calories anyway.

Do you have any recipes you keep on hand just in case? Share it with me! We need to be prepared in cases like these.

~Roxy

 

Introverts Guide to avoiding smalltalk

I'm an introvert. I'm that type of person that has the best day when I get to spend it in my house lost in a book, eating leftovers and catching up on a Netflix binge-watch.

The biggest hurdle I have in my life is small talk. I'm not bad at it, because after all this time working in retail, I've had to fake enjoy conversations with lots of different people. It's amazing the things folks will tell an absolute stranger. Right before they hand them sweaty money from their bra. 

Despite being skilled at small talk, it drains me like nothing else. So I thought I'd share my top 5 tips for avoiding the dreaded meaningless conversations. 

1. Earbuds 
    If you can manage to procure some brightly colored earbuds, these can save your sanity on days when you legit can't handle talking to one more person. I don't even have to have music or a book going, I sometimes just pop the earbuds in to avoid the chit chat. Although I have had people wave me down and force me to pause my audio book to have pointless convos with me. So this isn't 100% effective, especially in smaller towns.

2. Dark or Mirrored Sunglasses
    Eye contact encourages extroverts to move in and start chatting. Not to mention you know the fear of making eye contact with those lotion people in the mall kiosks who will move in on you like you have the last twinkie during the apocalypse. So I have mirrored shades I wear whenever possible. This is especially effective when used in combo with the earbuds. I can fake like I didn't see the sales person with the best of them.

3. Your phone is your best friend.  
     Have extra chargers available, to ensure this is always an option. I keep two in my purse at all times. If you need an out, text a friend to call you. If you just need to keep yourself busy to avoid the dreaded eye contact vultures, play a game or check social media. 

But what happens when it's an event? What happens when you have to...gulp...mingle?

​4. Ask detailed questions pertinent to the conversation. 
    The reason small talk sucks is because it's pointless. Yes. We all know it's raining. Thanks. So one of the best things you can do when you're forced to socialize is ask questions. Are you at a work convention? Don't just ask what position the person you're sitting next to has. Ask them what their opinion is on a new technique in the field. Ask them how they handle customers with a specific issue that you've been grappling with.

And when you are asked questions, respond with details. No, I'm not saying take over the conversation. But instead of just saying you're enjoying the conference, say, "I'm having a great time. I caught the panel on legal issues with fiction writing and found the information incredibly helpful. What panels have you attended?"

5. Take a breath and remind yourself it's going to be okay.
    If you're like me, sometimes you need to give yourself a mental slap upside the head when your anxious inner monologue starts going off on a tangent. You didn't always know everyone you're now friends with. There are people in your life you once had to embrace with chit chat. This person who comments that it's hot outside, could be your new colleague, or a potential book club buddy just waiting to be met. So take a breath, smile, and steer the conversation toward some better topics. You can do this. At least for a couple hours, then you can pretend you're not feeling well and run to your room where you can hop on your laptop and escape.


I'm not the greatest conversationalist, but I get by because I have to. What tips do you use to avoid small talk? I'm always looking for some new techniques. 

~Roxy

Summer is for A/C

I'm not an outdoorsy person. In theory, I'd really like to be, and once you drag me kicking and screaming outside, I truly enjoy the beauty that mother nature has created.

But I am also the most delicious blood type biting bugs everywhere have ever come across. I am the type of person who can get mosquito bites in the midwest in November.
Those little shits come back from the dead just to take another bite out of me.

Sure there's ice cream and cookouts, and fire pits, and all those other things, but I'm just as happy sitting next to a big picture window with my cup of coffee and an audio book. And if I'm inside, I can enjoy my coffee hot, the way it was intended to be consumed. It's been in the 90's here and I still have my hot coffee every morning. 

Call me a hermit, or make jokes, but I've come to the conclusion that I much prefer my air conditioned space. And when the A/C goes out on either house, car, or at the evil day job, I am not a pleasant person to be around. 

We are in full on summer mode here so that means going outside of the house requires an iced water bottle and spray deodorant under the boobs and between the thighs just to survive. Add in the perimenopausal hot flashes, and I could cook dinner on the back of my neck some days. This time of year, I'm all about survival. And that usually involves ice water, ice cream, iced tea...anything involving ice crystals, I'm down for.

Hubby and I had been squeezing the last bit of life out of our old vehicles because we owned them outright and not having a car payment is awesome. Turns out they both were on life support at the same time. Know what my only concern was with a new vehicle? DOES THE A/C WORK?!?! 

That's really it. LOL. So we have one new to us running vehicle instead of two, and I have to spend a lot of time dropping hubby off at work, but hey...I'm doing it with A/C and an audio book in my ear. When I'm not pulling off to do battle on Pokemon Go, of course.

Y'all have your pool fun where you go sweat by the water before going to wash it off. I'll be over here prepping for Halloween. How long until autumn starts?

What is your favorite season? Are you a hot weather person? Or are you like me, and basking in the cold weather produced by your glorious HVAC system?

​~Roxy

Humor is vital

I was thinking about this the other day, and it came up again in my first pages for me this morning. Humor is so important to the world right now. Lots of awful and overwhelming stuff is infusing every aspect of our lives. And while I recognize it's important to talk about and take action on all of these things by voting and calling your representatives to get your voices heard at the minimum, I'm also going to put it out there, that we have to have some down time for our souls to rest.

When I was going through a very dark period in my emotional life, I found "funny" books. I discovered authors who wrote with humor and sass and despite there being a few deaths in the pages, those were always the "bad" guys, and after reading the book I felt lighter.

During times like these I tailor my social media feeds. Did you know you can "Snooze Person X for 30 Days" on Facebook? You can! And it's a great way to give yourself a break from relationships that might be draining you. You can make lists on Twitter that help you pull the people who make your day better with their tweets, and just open that list to keep tabs on those folks. Tweetdeck lets you have a few lists open at once. You can also mute without unfollowing on Instagram as well as Facebook and Twitter. But really, I only use that for relatives. ;)

YouTube is one of my favorite down time laugh factories when I don't have the time to get lost in a book. And one of my recent binge-watch channels is Healthy Junk Food, and their travel food blog JP & Julia. They make a lot of oversized foods, are funny, and in general just make me smile.  They are on a mission to create a giant happy meal at the moment, which just seems incredibly appropriate to mention in this blog.

I think as authors, bloggers, and youtubers, there is a huge need for content that brings joy. I've always wanted to write things to make at least one person's day better, and no matter the story, I want at least one giggle or snort out of each reader. 

I know my books aren't to everyone's taste, but that's why I'm hopeful that despite the turbulent times, those to create humorous content will still put it out there. Don't think you have to draw back because now isn't the time for jokes, because in reality, many of us need the jokes more than ever. 

What content do you turn to on a bad day? Do you have a favorite twitter account? Instagram feed? YouTube channel? Or are there books you go back to and re-read when you need that boost? 

Share some below! I'd love to hear what your favorites are.

​~Roxy