Kenneth A. Camp's Blog, page 4

How Self-Aware Are You As A Foster or Adoptive Parent? [Podcast 44]

How self-aware are you as a parent? Do you know what your expectations and motivations are, both before you foster or adopt and after? What about your emotional needs? Can you recognize when your emotional cup is full? How about your attachment style? Do you ever consider how it interacts with your child’s attachment style?

I discuss these and some practical ways to help you as a parent be more self-aware. Come listen!

More…

What You Will Hear on the Podcast

My own struggle with self awareness
Why it is important for foster and adoptive parents to be self aware
Awareness of the expectations and motivations we have
What can help us recognize our expectations and motivations
Understanding and identifying your top emotional needs
Recognizing our own attachment style and how it impacts the relationship with our kids
Practical ways to help you be self aware

Want to get more information about emotional needs? Click HERE to get video definitions about each of the top 10 emotional needs and to take a test to see what your top three emotional needs are.

Want to learn more about your attachment style? Here are a few resources including my interview with Marshall Lyles:

How Our Attachment Styles Impacts Our Parenting Podcast
What Is Your Attachment Dance?

Thank You for Listening!

T o share your thoughts:

Leave a note in the comments below
Comment and share this show on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Pinterest

To help out the show:

Leave an honest review on iTunes. I need all the reviews I can get and they really do help!
Subscribe on iTunes.

What Areas Should You Be Self Aware of as A Foster or Adoptive Parent? [Podcast 44]

How self aware are you as a parent? Do you know what your expectations and motivations are, both before you foster or adopt and after? What about your emotional needs? Can you recognize when your emotional cup is full? How about your attachment style? Do you ever consider how it interacts with your child’s attachment style?

I discuss these and some practical ways to help you as a parent be more self aware. Come listen!

More…

What You Will Hear on the Podcast

My own struggle with self awareness
Why it is important for foster and adoptive parents to be self aware
Awareness of the expectations and motivations we have
What can help us recognize our expectations and motivations
Understanding and identifying your top emotional needs
Recognizing our own attachment style and how it impacts the relationship with our kids
Practical ways to help you be self aware

Want to get more information about emotional needs? Click HERE to get video definitions about each of the top 10 emotional needs and to take a test to see what your top three emotional needs are.

Want to learn more about your attachment style? Here are a few resources including my interview with Marshall Lyles:

How Our Attachment Styles Impacts Our Parenting Podcast
What Is Your Attachment Dance?

Thank You for Listening!

T o share your thoughts:

Leave a note in the comments below
Comment and share this show on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Pinterest

To help out the show:

Leave an honest review on iTunes. I need all the reviews I can get and they really do help!
Subscribe on iTunes.

Going to All Nations with the Good News Isn’t Just about their Need for Salvation

I think we have missed the point for some time when it comes to the reason to do missions around the world. And that isn’t just what we do on the other side of the world. It also applies to our own communities and local region.

Now most Christians are at least familiar with the following verse even if they aren’t sure where it is in the Bible,

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.

That quote is from Matthew 28:19-20a. Many churches and mission organizations use this verse, among others, as a part of their mission statement. We should use the Great Commission as our mission statement.

When I say that we miss the reason to do missions, It’s not that what we do is completely wrong, I think that what we do is only partially right.

The part we get right is sharing about salvation that is found in Jesus Christ that gives someone eternal life with God. That is Good News. It is transformational news.

Where we miss it is what it means to make disciples and teaching them to obey God’s commandments. Part of that is because I don’t think we understand completely how to be a disciple and obey his commands. We are good at understanding biblical principles and possibly memorizing parts of the Bible. But when it comes to living it out in a way that is recognizably different from anyone who leads a moralistic life, well, there just isn’t much difference if any at all.

When we fully live as disciples of Jesus Christ and obey all that He taught us, we don’t just live a “good” life and have our eternal destiny in heaven assured. It is much more impactful than that.

Take off your theological hat for a minute and think with me about the state of the world.

Those of us who live in the United States don’t fully appreciate the generational impact a Christian foundation has had resulting in bountiful and blessed results. We act as if we somehow are more intelligent or civilized than everyone else in the world. I would offer that is one reason we see an erosion of those very principles and blessings.

Think about what is going on in places like Venezuela, Syria, India, Myanmar, and countless other locations around the world. Consider the extreme poverty, human trafficking, corruption, and oppression.

So What Does the World Really Need?

What does the world need? A better political system? Some argue that is the answer. How about more relief efforts from countries that have the ability to provide relief? How well has that worked?

We come full circle. Yes, salvation is what everyone needs. However, not all will accept that gift. But if enough in a nation, a society, a people group will allow God to not only give eternal salvation, but also teach them a better way to live life right now while still alive, then we would see cities transform and leadership that spawns success, peace, and justice.

Here are a few examples of what that looks like:

People understand that everything belongs to God, so they steward their resources better.
Compassion for others including widows, homeless, and vulnerable children exists, so these groups are cared for rather than neglected and abused.
Recognition that every person has value regardless of gender, economic status, or race creates a culture of peace and inclusion.

What does this have to do with the Great Commission?

Everything! This is who God is. He doesn’t just make a way for salvation. His mission is to completely restore His creation to it’s original intended purpose. I agree that this won’t fully happen until Jesus’ return, but that doesn’t mean that God isn’t about this now. Did Jesus not teach us to pray, “Thy Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.” That didn’t mean just for some time in the future after Jesus comes back.

What should we do when we go?

Overall we need to go seeking to help fulfill God’s entire mission throughout the world. We share the salvation story, but we don’t stop there. We disciple, but again we need to disciple in a wholistic way. If a people claim a saving faith in Jesus Christ, but their way of life still is corrupt, abusive, and oppressive, then we did not disciple well.

When we go and make disciples of all nations teaching them to obey (follow, apply) all of God’s commands (ways of living), we will then see entire people groups transformed.

Here are some examples of what that can look like:

We teach them God’s ways.
We let God’s Word challenge their current worldview.
As their worldview changes, we explain how this impacts their value system.
As their values change, we encourage actions that support their newfound values.
When this happens, this is when we see fruit that reflects the ways of God which heal and restore.

When we approach missions like this, we understand that we have a greater impact and responsibility to working alongside what God’s wholistic intended mission in the world.

An Interview with Nella Davidse about Tamar Center Thailand [Podcast 43]

How far would you go to try finding a better life for your family? Thousands of women and girls in Thailand leave their homes and families to look for work in the larger cities. Many end up trapped in jobs either directly or indirectly linked to the sex trade.

[…]

Offering Hope and Healing with Nella Davidse about Tamar Center [Podcast 43]

How far would you go to try finding a better life for your family? Thousands of women and girls in Thailand leave their homes and families to look for work in the larger cities. Many end up trapped in jobs either directly or indirectly linked to the sex trade.

[…]

Help! I Need Your Feedback on My New Website

Did you notice that I changed the look of my website? It should look visually different to you. In the world of online business, I am a slow adapter. It’s probably because I would rather not spend the time or money to make changes. Like they say, “content is king”.

It was time for a change though, and the fact that the theme I had been using is no longer supported was just the nudge I needed to make the change.

Some of the things I wanted to do and provide on my site I couldn’t easily do with the previous theme, so I am hoping that what I am using now will help me create and deliver content that will help as you pursue your mission.

I do need you to help find anything on my new site that isn’t working correctly. In fact, if you enjoy breaking things, that is a great way to help me. See if you can break my website!

Here is how you can give me feedback on the new website:

Click on links to see where they take you.
Tell me about anything that doesn’t look right. Such as, text written on top of each other, pictures missing, and so on.
If you haven’t subscribed to get updates via email, please choose which free gift interests you and fill out the form. You can always unsubscribe at any time. Let me know:

Does the form even appear.
Did you get your free ebook or course.
Did you get a confirmation email.


Then give me any subjective feedback you want, such as:

Do you like the color scheme?
Do you like the layout?
The images?
The fonts?
What else?

I am sure I am not thinking of everything to ask you for feedback on, so as you poke around and look at the site, please let me know what you find and what you think.

One more thing…

If there is some kind of content you wish I would create for you, please let me know. That might be an online course, some how-to blogs or podcasts, a podcast interview with a certain guest, an ebook on a topic, or something completely different.

How do you send me your feedback?

You can either use the comment section below (preferred since that will spur more participation), or you can use the contact form to email me privately.

[contact-form]

Thank you for all of your help!

One last way you can help…please share this post with your friends so they can give their input too.

Which Is Better? Obedience or Healing?

I observe my need for justice come out in no better way than as a father. I expect my son to obey me because he is supposed to obey his father. Right Now. Seriously, I am surprised how angry I feel when he doesn’t immediately change his behavior and obey my every command.

The scene usually goes down something like this…I tell my son, sometimes I ask, to do something or stop doing something else. If he complies within a few seconds, then all is right and good in the world. If he delays, complains, tries to negotiate, or any other behavior that I deem as disobedience, I demand immediate compliance.

I do exaggerate. Some.

To my defense I grew up, or at least was born into the generation of, “kids are to be seen and not heard.” It didn’t help my cause any that I was a compliant child. If my mother or father told me to do something, I did it. At least when I was young. We won’t get into my passive-aggressive tendencies as a teenager.

But lets get back to the subject.

Maybe for a child that has never experienced any kind of trauma this kind of parenting will work. The main reason it will work is because that child trusts their parent. The child has no reason to believe that the parent has any harm in mind. So they obey their parent usually without hesitation.

But take a child who experiences trauma. Their brain gets hard-wired for survival. Their brain recorded an event or worse recurring events that communicate the need to be on guard and trust no one, because no one is worthy of trust.

This describes my son. He doesn’t explicitly remember the trauma he endured as a baby, but his brain does. And his brain tells him to not trust that a caregiver has his best interest in mind. So when I expect him to obey me with a no questions asked approach, well, let’s just say many times I will have a fight on my hands. I have learned both intellectually and by experience that all this does is shove my son into survival mode.

In those moments, I have to ask myself, “Why do I want my son to obey me right now?”

Is it a life or death situation? Is it because of my need for respect or some other emotional need that I have? Do I have a “because I am your father and I said so” attitude?

Granted there are times when a child needs to obey their parent no questions asked and without any delay. But much more often we don’t need their immediate, fully compliant obedience. And with a child from a hard place we won’t accomplish what we want anyway.

Here is the mental shift I think we need to make.

Rather than parenting for the sake of obedience, parent with the goal of healing.

Parenting with Healing as the Goal
Keep in mind these things about a kid from a hard place:

The survival instincts of a traumatized child are over-developed making it very easy for them to slip into fight, fright, or freeze mode.
They struggle with trust.
They don’t interpret social cues and facial expressions accurately.

What parenting with healing as the goal looks like:

Self regulation. Staying calm and in control of my emotions helps me to see past my son’s behavior. I am able to explore what the motivation is behind his behavior.
Correct the behavior when it will work. No child will receive correction when they are in survival or meltdown mode.
Understand my motivation. Analyzing my motivation for why I expect obedience will help me to let go of expectations that will not benefit my son.

I re-emphasize that parenting with healing as the goal doesn’t permit a child to continue any poor behavior. Rather it gives our kids room to heal and to trust so they can correct their behavior.

Please chime in with your thoughts and ideas on this either by leaving a comment below or connecting with me on FaceBook or Twitter.

Why Do You Expect Your Child to Obey You?

I observe my need for justice come out in no better way than as a father. I expect my son to obey me because he is supposed to obey his father. Right Now. Seriously, I am surprised how angry I feel when he doesn’t immediately change his behavior and obey my every command.

The scene usually goes down something like this…I tell my son, sometimes I ask, to do something or stop doing something else. If he complies within a few seconds, then all is right and good in the world. If he delays, complains, tries to negotiate, or any other behavior that I deem as disobedience, I demand immediate compliance.

I do exaggerate. Some.

To my defense I grew up, or at least was born into the generation of, “kids are to be seen and not heard.” It didn’t help my cause any that I was a compliant child. If my mother or father told me to do something, I did it. At least when I was young. We won’t get into my passive-aggressive tendencies as a teenager.

But lets get back to the subject.

Maybe for a child that has never experienced any kind of trauma this kind of parenting will work. The main reason it will work is because that child trusts their parent. The child has no reason to believe that the parent has any harm in mind. So they obey their parent usually without hesitation.

But take a child who experiences trauma. Their brain gets hard-wired for survival. Their brain recorded an event or worse recurring events that communicate the need to be on guard and trust no one, because no one is worthy of trust.

This describes my son. He doesn’t explicitly remember the trauma he endured as a baby, but his brain does. And his brain tells him to not trust that a caregiver has his best interest in mind. So when I expect him to obey me with a no questions asked approach, well, let’s just say many times I will have a fight on my hands. I have learned both intellectually and by experience that all this does is shove my son into survival mode.

In those moments, I have to ask myself, “Why do I want my son to obey me right now?”

Is it a life or death situation? Is it because of my need for respect or some other emotional need that I have? Do I have a “because I am your father and I said so” attitude?

Granted there are times when a child needs to obey their parent no questions asked and without any delay. But much more often we don’t need their immediate, fully compliant obedience. And with a child from a hard place we won’t accomplish what we want anyway.

Here is the mental shift I think we need to make.

Rather than parenting for the sake of obedience, parent with the goal of healing.

Parenting with Healing as the Goal
Keep in mind these things about a kid from a hard place:

The survival instincts of a traumatized child are over-developed making it very easy for them to slip into fight, fright, or freeze mode.
They struggle with trust.
They don’t interpret social cues and facial expressions accurately.

What parenting with healing as the goal looks like:

Self regulation. Staying calm and in control of my emotions helps me to see past my son’s behavior. I am able to explore what the motivation is behind his behavior.
Correct the behavior when it will work. No child will receive correction when they are in survival or meltdown mode.
Understand my motivation. Analyzing my motivation for why I expect obedience will help me to let go of expectations that will not benefit my son.

I re-emphasize that parenting with healing as the goal doesn’t permit a child to continue any poor behavior. Rather it gives our kids room to heal and to trust so they can correct their behavior.

Please chime in with your thoughts and ideas on this either by leaving a comment below or connecting with me on FaceBook or Twitter.

HHHF 42: Helping Hands Ministry in Belton, TX with Brenda Camp (my Mom)

My mom retired several years ago, but she didn’t stop working. She has volunteered in many ways over the past 15-20 years, so I asked her to join me on His Hands His Feet podcast and share with us what she is doing and why.

As you can imagine, I enjoyed asking my Mom about the volunteer work she does and learning about Helping Hands Ministry especially. Her current role with Helping Hands is a purchaser. She shops “til she drops” for kids in the Belton community as the ministry prepares for a one-day event they hold before each school year. Students get clothes and school supplies so they can start their school year off on a good note.

Whether you want some motivation to serve as a volunteer in your community regardless of your age, or you want to learn more about how a successful community ministry works, take a listen to my interview with Brenda Camp about Helping Hands Ministry.

What you will hear on the podcast:

ESL and prison ministry volunteering
How Helping Hands got its start
Project Angel Tree
Apple Tree
Helping Hands Food Bank
How Helping Hands provides Relief, Development, and Advocacy for a wholistic approach to eliminating poverty in Bell County
How it becomes a family
Why Brenda spends her time volunteering, even after a battle with cancer this past year.

How to find out more about Helping Hands Ministry:

Helping Hands website – https://www.helpinghandsbelton.org

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/helpinghandsbelton/

 

Thanks for listening!

To share your thoughts:

Leave a note in the comments below
Comment and share this show on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Pinterest

To help out the show:

Leave an honest review on iTunes. I need all the reviews I can get and they really do help!
Subscribe on iTunes.

Reminder: It Is Not Us Who Frees the Captive

You are a missionary living in a foreign land facing constant rejection, and you feel the oppression. You are a volunteer working with families who struggle with poverty, and you sense the hopelessness. You are a foster parent caring for children who struggle to attach, and you bear the pain.

When we enter the lives of other people, we often encounter brokenness. Still when we pour our selves into them, we want, no, we need to see occasional positive results, breakthrough, and victories. Even if it is just a small glimmer of hope, it is usually enough to keep us going.

When we don’t see those positive results, we become disillusioned, confused, offended, hurt, and possibly ready to give up.

I am thinking about a missionary friend who lives and works in a part of the world that is hostile to the Good News. She worked for years with very little to show for it—at least to the human eye. I know she had days when she felt rejected and wondering if she should continue. But she stayed with it. Now she witnesses many coming to faith.

What kept her going during the hard years?

The Anointed One

After Jesus spent time in the wilderness tempted by Satan, he went to his hometown of Nazareth. He made His way to the local synagogue and took a seat. Recognizing Him as a rabbi, they gave him a scroll to read. They handed Jesus the book of Isaiah. He opened it to Isaiah 61 and read,

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives, and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord.”

After Jesus read this passage, He handed the scroll back to the attendant and sat down. Then He said, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”

Those in attendance didn’t care to hear what Jesus did said, because they thought they knew this homegrown son of a carpenter. But as we know Jesus was much more than a carpenter’s son. He really was the fulfillment of the Isaiah prophecy.

Are we prideful?

Those who listened to Jesus read Isaiah 61 responded first with a stunned silence. Then they tried to throw Him off a cliff on the outside of town.

How do you and I respond? Not so nearly as violently. Rather we respond with something that looks more like pride or possibly ignorance. Instead of inviting Jesus into the lives we serve, we make feeble attempts to meet their needs in our own power.

Jesus is the anointed One who brings good news, binds up the brokenhearted, proclaims liberty to captives, and freedom to prisoners.

As a person who lives a life sent, the most powerful action we can take on behalf of those we serve is to stand before Jesus and urge Him to move as the Anointed One in their lives.

If you feel overwhelmed, lost in your way, rejected and offended, and definitely if you are about to give up, take some time right now and pray this passage over that person or persons that God has placed in your life.

“Oh Jesus, the Anointed One, we beseech You as You are always faithful and true to who You are. You sent us into a land where none or very few know your Name. You sent us to walk alongside hurting and vulnerable people. You sent us to welcome the fatherless into our families. We need You to bring them good news, to bind them up in hope, and to free them from what imprisons them. In Your Name, sweet Jesus, Amen.”