Kenneth A. Camp's Blog, page 3

10 Questions to Consider Before You Become a Foster or Adoptive Parent

If you are considering bringing a child who needs a safe, loving home into your family, whether for a few weeks or forever, I applaud you. However, even though hundreds, even thousands, of kids need a home, it is important for you to ask some very crucial questions before you get too far down the road.

Here are 10 Questions to Ask Before You Become A Foster or Adoptive Parent:

[…]

There’s No Just in Foster Care and Adoption: Interview with Jason Johnson [Podcast 47]

I invited Jason Johnson back onto His Hands His Feet podcast so we could talk about his two new books, Reframing Foster Care and Everyone Can Do Something. 

Jason and I discuss why he wrote these books (how he published two in a short window of time) and who the audience is for each book. Jason graciously gives us a behind the scenes glances at some of the stories along with future writing plans. As the encourager and teacher Jason is, he ends our conversation ensuring that no role is too small.

Enjoy this podcast interview with Jason Johnson.

[…]

Best Packing List for Short Term Mission Trips

Congratulations! You decided to go on a short-term-mission trip. Your trip leader probably told you can’t take a lot of stuff, and you don’t want to take too much. But what do you pack for your trip?

A lot of that depends on where you are going and the purpose of the mission, but there are some Must Pack Items that will help your trip be a success.

Before we get into the list, let me make a couple of suggestions.

Pack as light as possible. Resist the temptation to take things just in case you need them. My wife and I traveled all over Europe for three weeks with only a carry-on size piece of luggage and a medium size back pack each.
Find out if you can have clothes laundered where you are going. If you can, you only need to pack clothes for about half the week saving invaluable room for other necessities.

Over the years of many short-term trips to places like Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras, Thailand, and China have helped me come up with a Must Pack list.

I split this into a carryon packing list, and a checked bag packing list.

Disclaimer—The links below for products available on Amazon are affiliate links. I will receive a commission from Amazon if you follow any of those links at no extra cost to you.

 

Carryon Packing List (make sure to check current TSA requirements)

 

Backpack. I prefer a backpack over a small suitcase to use as a carryon because of the multiple compartments and ease to organize items and access them quickly.

Here is a great option for a good price:

Change of clothes. If your luggage fails to arrive when you do, you will at least have two changes of clothes. One you are wearing and one in your carryon.

Passport. Pack a copy of the passport in your checked luggage.

Kindle. I enjoy reading when I travel, and when I began international travel, ebooks was a new thing. So I lugged around four or five books. Now I can carry my entire ebook library with me. I can use my smart phone Kindle app, but I prefer to avoid using my phone. Lots of Kindle options exist now, or you might prefer a Nook or other device.

Journal. I usually use Evernote app now for journaling and taking notes. But I still enjoy using a journal and pen when I am on a mission trip. I go simple when I do use a journal and use a composition notebook like these below. You might like to pick up something that looks a little nicer.

Ear buds or Headphones. Noise reducing or cancelling ear buds or headphones can be a life-saver on a plane if you are sitting close to a crying child or a talkative neighbor. I prefer ear buds because occasionally I will use them to sleep as well.

                

Prescription and over-the-counter medication. Only pack what you will need during the travel time in your carryon. Put the rest in your checked luggage.

Snacks. Pack only one or two snacks that won’t spoil or melt. If you have dietary restrictions, you might need to pack more.

Sunglasses. Find an expensive pair that you won’t mind losing or getting broken. I suggest polarized.

Phone. Check with your phone provider about getting a temporary international plan.

Charger. Don’t forget the phone charger, and a separate battery pack so you don’t have to always rely on finding a place to plug in.

[image error]

Travel Pillow. If you are flying a long distance, a travel pillow is a life-saver. I know the neck pillow is popular, but I prefer one like this one below.

 

Checked Luggage Packing List

 

Clothes. Resist the temptation of over-packing. The type of clothes depends on location and type of mission. Ask if you can have clothes laundered a few days into your trip. Or you could hand wash some items in a sink and let them air dry for a day or two. If you do either of these things, you can pack less clothes. My wife and I traveled all over Europe for three weeks with only a carryon and medium backpack for each of us.

Underwear and sleepwear. I know these are clothing items, but easily overlooked. You don’t want to be underwear shopping in a village market or a crowded Chinese department store.

Light rain jacket or pancho. You will want to have both hands free instead of using one hand to hold umbrella. This one is inexpensive and high quality.

Two pairs of shoes. Wear one comfortable pair on the plane. Then alternate when in country. As with clothes, the type of trip dictates the kind of shoes.

Flip flops for the shower.

Ziploc baggies. Pro-tip—double bag all liquid items.

Travel or thin line Bible. Don’t rely on your Bible app for your personal study or when you have opportunities to share God’s Word. Keep in mind that a small, travel Bible will have it’s flaws, but I like a thin line with larger print at a good price like this one:

Water bottle. Staying hydrated is one of the most important ways you can take care of yourself on a trip, even if you are in a mild climate. Flying itself will dehydrate you. (Pro tip: keeping hydrated will help stave off jet lag) Keep a bottle of filtered water on you at all times. For this reason you want a good bottle that will withstand the trip. This Thermos Itak is a great choice for a simple water bottle. The Grayl Ultralight is perfect if you want or need a purifier water bottle, and you are willing to spend a little more.

           

Personal toiletries. Might want to include a toilet paper roll depending on where you are going. Find out if you will have access to a grocery or convenience store.

Bug spray and Sunscreen. If these items can be easily purchased in country, I would wait and buy them there rather than pack them.

Hat. Pack a hat that can be easily folded or rolled up so that it doesn’t take up much room.

Camera. These days many people have smart phones that have great cameras, so I don’t think packing a camera is necessary. But if you want to pack one, take a high quality compact camera.

 

A few weeks ago, I posted on my Facebook the question, “If you have been on a mission trip, what is one item that you must take with you?”

Some are included in the lists above, but I thought you would enjoy some of the replies:

Several food suggestions—peanut butter, protein bars, crackers.
Personal Hygiene products

hand sanitizer
tissue paper
baby wipes
deodorant
travel toothbrush
breath mints


Immodium or Cipro.
Portable, battery operated fan.
Bible, journal, pen.
Sleep sack.
Passport!
Servant attitude, flexibility, and a love for the people.
Ear plugs.
Bubbles for kids.
Prayer partner.

Some responded with some humor of course, such as, “my love for queso” and “extra underwear”.

I am excited that you are going on a short-term-mission trip! 

I hope this post helps you pack well. Some of the advice I got from my Facebook friends is much more important than the items in your carryon and luggage. These are a servant attitude, flexibility, and a love for the people.

If you have anything you think is important to add to this list, please add in the comment section!

Is this Why It Is Hard for Us to Slow Down?

Do you feel like you have more to do than there are hours in the day? Work, kids, sports, school, home projects, and the list goes on. We claim to know that we are too busy, and that we need to slow our schedules down. Yet we continue to run on the rat wheel. Even if we say we want to jump off we don’t know how without hurting ourselves.

Maybe it’s not that we don’t know how to get off the wheel. Maybe we don’t want to slow down. We feel that if we slow down, even just a little, we will have to deal with the stuff we don’t want to notice is there.

Jar Full of Mud

Recently I had the privilege of listening to Dr. David and Dr. Jayne Schooler teach. I have read their book – Wounded Children, Healing Homes. But this was the first time to hear from them in person. They shared what I thought is a perfect analogy.

If I took a large mason jar and filled it with water from a creek, stock tank (that is a man-made pond filled with fish for you non-Texans), or river, the jar would fill up with muddy water. If I let the jar sit for a few days, the mud and pollutants would settle to the bottom making it easier to see what is in the water.

Is this why we won’t slow down our busy lives? If we sit long enough, the things we don’t want to notice will settle down to where we can’t ignore them?

We don’t want to feel pain. We don’t want to feel disappointment. We don’t want to remember failures, regrets, or past hurts. It is easier to just keep so busy that we never have time to notice these things in our lives.

Why Does this Matter?

Because none of us can invest much in another person if we are, one, too busy, and two, have junk in our lives that we haven’t dealt with yet.

It is easy to admit that we are too busy to walk across the street, care for a vulnerable child, get to know a homeless person, or go on a short-term mission trip. We sigh and lament that we would do these things if I just had the time.

But let’s say that we do arrange our schedule so that we do have time to invest in another person. If we have not dealt with things in our life that would settle to the bottom, then even if we have time for others, we won’t have the emotional space for them.

A hurting person needs someone who not only has time but also the capacity to deal with their brokenness.

I am not going to leave you hanging, so here are a few suggestions from Dr. David and Dr. Jayne Schooler.

Find someone that can be a resource for you. Someone who encourages you, truly listens to you, cheers for you. What you don’t want is to surround yourself with people who are either are neutral or deplete you.
Put the things that you don’t like and can’t change in a box and find away to move around it. You have a choice. Either react with anger or learn to adapt and move on if you truly can’t change it. For example, if you have lost someone close to you, you can’t change that fact. If you don’t move on, you will not have all of yourself for someone else who needs you.
Stay in the river of learning. Resist the notion that you know all you need to know. Keep reading. Get around those who know more than you do. Listen to podcasts.

Remember…somewhere someone needs you. The best you.

8 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a Single Foster Mom

Guest post by Lisa Michele

 
 
In honor of National Foster Care Month this May, I share with you something I started writing a few months ago in the thick of this foster care journey. I was in shock, in total isolation, frustration and exhaustion. It is real. If you know anything about me, you know I am someone who would be VERY prepared and very analytical and methodical for this journey. I also KNEW the ages of my placements VERY WELL, yet I was still TOTALLY shocked at the heaviness of this foster care life. I would say, now (10 months in), I have a better grip on things and have accepted (and grieved) the loss of many parts of my life that were my norm and have settled into my new normal. For anyone who’s had their entire life uprooted before, you know how long it can take to feel OK in your new normal.
The below writing is MY opinion, MY experience, and MY learnings from my first and only placement (as of now). I went from having 0 kids to having six-month-old and 2.75 year-old brothers arrive at my doorstep with just 2 hours’ notice in July 2017.
 
NOTE: Please do not take this as a ONE SIZE FITS ALL example of the foster care system. Every case is TRULY different.
 
Continue reading

Does Your Child Know Your Voice?

It took a couple of years for my son to know my voice. I am not talking about what my voice sounded like or the different tones and inflections. I am talking about knowing in an intimate way. Knowing in a way that elicits belonging and comfort and clarity.

When a child comes into our family either through foster care or adoption, probably many people served as care takers in their life. The more care takers the more they get used to calling many people “mommy” and “daddy”. The term loses its endearment and sense of connection.

What it looks like to know our father’s voice.

When I was a young boy back when parents let their children roam the neighborhood, I can remember hearing my father whistle to let me know it was time to come home. When I heard that whistle, sometimes from a few blocks away and faint, I knew it was his “voice”. I knew that it was my father calling for his son.

I love the analogy God uses in the Bible to describe His relationship with his children. He refers to Himself as a shepherd. This term is used many times throughout the New Testament, and He says that His children know His voice like sheep know their shepherds voice. I have heard it explained that shepherds often kept their sheep together with other shepherds flocks. When a shepherd wanted to bring their sheep out of the pen or a larger herd, they simply called for their sheep. Because the sheep knew the voice of their shepherd, they came running.

Does your foster or adopted child know who you are?

Before my son learned my voice, he often interacted with other men as if they were his daddy. I once watched him climb up in the lap of another man, a complete stranger, at a playground in a local mall. Can you imagine the look on that man’s face? More than once my son tried to go home with other families just because he had fun playing with their kids at a park or party. I kept reminding him that “I was his daddy”, and that he went home with me.

Recently I watched the young adopted son of a friend repeatedly ask to be held by “mommy”. Perfectly normal, except this woman, another friend of the family was not his mother. But to that child, she was just as much mommy to him as his adopted mommy is.

We can fool ourselves into thinking that when our child who came to us through foster care or adoption calls us mommy and daddy that they feel connected to us. In reality, it is just a natural term used by a child for someone that regularly takes care of them. The real test of how connected they are to us is how well they know our voice.

When a child knows our voice they develop a sense of belonging and identity. This is also important for a foster child even if they are with your family only a short time. It will help them connect and attach when they hopefully have a forever family and later in life with significant relationships.

How can we help our child know our voice?

Spend time together. I don’t mean just being around them. I mean the kind of time where you enter their world letting them know that you notice them and you want to know them.
Communicate with compassion and consistency. Tell them over and over who you are, and that you are there for them. Resist feeling rejected or misunderstood. Instead compassionately remind them that you are their mommy or daddy.
Hold them as much as possible. Whether young or older, your child needs to feel your appropriate touch. They need to feel the comfort of your arms holding them. If they are young, you can easily wrap them up close to your body. But even if they are older, you can hold them while reading a book or watching a movie together. This allows your child to do “full-body” listening.
Don’t take their lack of attachment personally. We easily can allow our child’s lack of attachment to offend us when it has very little to do with us. Our child might test us even to see if we really are there for them. When we can avoid personalizing their “rejection”, they can begin to let the walls of fear down so they can hear and know our voice.
Make eye contact. It is true that the eyes are the window to our soul. You might have to gently work on getting your child to make eye contact with you, but this is a great barometer at how much your child is allowing you to connect with them. Your eyes will communicate much more than just the sound of your voice. Make sure that they say what you want them to say.

I am sure you can add some other ways to this list, can’t you? Please leave a comment below and add your thoughts.

Discovering and Living Out Your Mission [Podcast 46]

In this episode, I dive into what my worldview is and how it impacts my mission and purpose in life. I share how you can discover your mission and live it out.

I shed light on why I choose to write and podcast about topics such as foster care and adoption, international missions, non profit ministry, and so on.

As I mention in the podcast, if these topics resonate with you, let’s be sure and connect and journey this road together.

Thank You for Listening!

T o share your thoughts:

Leave a note in the comments belowComment and share this show on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Pinterest

To help out the show:

Leave an honest review on iTunes. I need all the reviews I can get and they really do help!Subscribe on iTunes.

Dad to Dad Interview with John Alger [Podcast 45]

Imagine bringing a 12 year-old boy into your family. How would he fit in with your other two teenage sons? What about the first 12 years of his life that you missed as a father, how do you recapture those years? These were questions that my friend John Alger had to face as an adoptive dad nearly 10 years ago. 

John's story as an adoptive dad is different than mine in that our son was only eight-months-old when CPS placed him in our family. I learn a lot from John about how to intentionally connect with an older son, build character, and overcome challenges like building trust. 

I am sure you will not only enjoy hearing John's story, but you will also glean some nuggets of being a dad, whether of adopted or biological children. Listen now!

[…]

Coming Soon! Revised and Updated Version of Adopting the Father’s Heart

I sat in my bedroom that doubled as my office at the end of 2011 staring at a list of ideas I wrote down on those big post it note papers that you can stick on a wall. I did this exercise because over the previous year our original plans dramatically changed. You might not know that in 2010-2011, Danielle and I planned on returning overseas as full-time missionaries. That plan had been in motion since 2007 when we lived in Thailand for six months as volunteer missionaries.

But God revealed a different plan for us, at least temporarily. As I read over the list of ideas on the papers on the wall, I could hear Danielle taking care of a little boy, about 13 or 14 months old at that time. CPS placed him in our home when he was only eight-months-old. We didn’t know what his future held, so that meant I didn’t know what my future looked like either. The ideas written on the paper consisted of what I could do with myself. I no longer served on staff as a mission pastor. It had been over four years since I worked as a business analyst. So I allowed my mind to entertain any and every idea of what to do next. Even though I was 50 years old, it wasn’t a mid-life crisis. I simply stood at a fork in the road.

The ideas ranged from common sense ones like another pastor position to restarting my project management career. Other ideas on the list bordered on absurdity, at least in my mind. Things like open a Bed and Breakfast, renovate houses to sell or rent, and write a book. What made those three ideas a little absurd is that I had no idea how to do any of them.

Well by now you know what I chose to do. I chose to write even though I had no idea how to write a book much less how to publish and market one. I jumped in anyway and learned not only what I needed to do to write a book, but also how to begin a blog and a platform.

What is the book about?

My next decision was, “What do I write about?” I had a few ideas, but I decided to write about what I was living at the time. I began writing about our journey into foster care: how and why we made the decision, how we felt overwhelmed trying to get started, what the training looked like, and so on. I wrote about getting our first placement, meeting the biological family, and attending court hearings. I also wrote about how I felt throughout the process.

I wanted the book to not only tell you our story, but also help you understand the process in case you too consider foster care or adopting through the foster care system.

I also learned a lot about the publishing business. I decided to contract with a publisher to self-publish the book rather than shop it with an agent and try the traditional route. I learned that even with self publishing I had many options. I worked with the company on the cover and interior design. I hired an editor, and had friends proof read the book. Overall, I was pleased with the process and the outcome.

Why am I revising the book?

About a year ago, I decided that I wanted to bring the story up to date and revise the book. One thing I learned about writing since publishing Adopting the Father’s Heart is that I didn’t know how to write very well Imagine that!

The main issue I had with the book was that I wrote most of it in a passive voice rather in an active voice. An active voice is when the subject does or acts upon the verb in the sentence. Passive voice is when the object of a sentence is made into the subject. Want an example? Here is one using a common joke.

Active voice—Why did the chicken cross the road?

Passive voice—Why was the road crossed by the chicken?

Passive voice will use a form of the “to be” verb often making the sentence structure weaker and possibly confusing for the reader.

I read my original version of Adopting the Father’s Heart a couple of years after I published it and recognized how much I used the passive tense. My blogging and continued studying about how to write helped me to understand this.

By revising the book I am changing as much as I can from passive voice to active voice making the book stronger and easier to read. And, I am writing one or two chapters that updates you on where we are now in our adoption journey.

The release date for the revised and updated version is tentatively set for June 1, 2018. The book will be available on Amazon in ebook and print version at a lower price than the original book’s price. AND all my email subscribers to KennethACamp.com will get a free, downloadable copy of the book. 

I look forward to getting this out to you on June 1. I hope you will share with all your friends about the book when it comes out.

If you want to be a proofreader for the revised version of Adopting the Father’s Heart between April 27 and May 11, email me, leave a comment, or contact me on social media. 

Why Should Eternity Be Important to Us?

I remember my introduction to Twitter a few years ago. I attended a missions conference in Austin, and the facilitator announced that we could make comments on Twitter during the conference by using a special hashtag. Full disclosure—I had no idea what he was talking about. I had heard of Twitter, but I wondered how anyone could communicate a complete thought in only 144 characters. I curiously watched as they scrolled the “tweets” on the big screen during the main sessions. I quickly surmised that I could not in any way read the comments and listen to the speakers on the stage.

Twitter accurately represents how we get caught up in the noise of the moment and lose grasp of the eternal. We seem afraid to look away from what scrolls across our screens as if we will miss out on something. The irony of this is…

We are missing out on the reality of eternity.

Here is what I mean by that statement:

We don’t practice or even see the need for delayed gratification. This is a tangible, practical result of little or no grasp on the eternity. Where a couple of generations ago, a person naturally delayed the acquisition of something needed or wanted; however, now we expect, and often get it almost immediately.
We don’t know history. Ours or anyone else’s. Eternity isn’t just what is coming in the future. It includes our past. Our history contains both good and bad moments all woven into our tapestry. One thing I appreciate about the Bible is how God shows how He uses our past as a part of our future destiny.
We think that life is all about us. I know that this is predominantly a western thought process, but with the way cultures cross-pollinate now, the collective mindset to the eastern way of life is losing its distinction. When our focus is on ourselves, we get caught up in what happens to us, right here, right now. Our social media and reality TV culture creates an unhealthy self-consumed mindset. We don’t consider the way our decisions and actions can and do impact eternity.

We lose sight of the fact that we are here on this earth for a relatively short period of time. Of course many throughout history adhered to the philosophy that the time we live on this planet is all there is to life. If that is your philosophy then the way things are fit you perfectly. I, on the other hand, at least intellectually, think that my life here on earth is only a minuscule snapshot of all eternity.

Why should we care about the eternal?

When I used to train teams to go on short-term mission trips I always reminded them that the time they were in country was just a moment time. God has been at work in that place long before the team even existed, literally. He will be working while they are there, and He will continue to work after they leave. Our challenge is that we tend to pay attention to only the time we are there.

What is important for us to understand and intentionally apply is:

God is eternal. He has a plan not only for this temporal world, but also for all of eternity.
God’s ways are different than our ways. This truth implores us to spend more time getting to know God, so we can understand His ways and recognize how He is working in the world.
Our lives have significance when we join in on what God is doing. The irony is that we all want for our lives to matter. That fact drives our need for attention. But the world’s voices of telling us what matters is a cheap counterfeit to what matters to God. When we align our pursuits to God’s purpose, especially with how He wants to use our lives, that is when we find significance and fulfillment.

How can we resist the noise of this world?

When we spend more time scrolling through social media, reading the latest news cycle, and watching the current reality TV celebrity it makes sense that is what captures our attention. We buy into what the world says is important.

The simple answer is we need to spend more time with the Creator. How we spend time with God can and does look different. The key is Doing It, because the more we spend time with Him, the better we are able to hear and recognize His voice. When we can do that, then we know our purpose. When we know our purpose, then we can live a life of significance. When we live a life of purpose, we can and will impact eternity.

That is why eternity should be important to us.