Kenneth A. Camp's Blog, page 2

Dad to Dad Interview with Brett Millican [Podcast 53]

A Place I Didn’t Belong: An Interview with Paula Freeman [Podcast 52]

I recently met Paula Freeman who is an author, speaker, and adoption advocate. She graciously sent me a copy of her book, A Place I Didn't Belong - Hope for Adoptive Moms. 

After I read through her book, I knew that many of you would want to hear from Paula, so I invited her to do a podcast interview with me. 

Just like in her book, Paula shares deeply from her heart in a vulnerable and authentic way about how struggles of life will take you to placesPP you don't belong only to find that God meets you there.

Listen to this interview with Paula Freeman, author of A Place I Didn't Belong:

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What Causes the Power Struggle with Your Child?

Sometimes I just know my son is purposefully trying to push me over the edge. I mean what else could it be. “If he wanted to behave he could, he just doesn’t want to!” “He knows that what he is doing gets me angry.”

I can remember arguing with my son when he was three-years-old. Seriously, I was arguing with a three-year-old. What will it be like when he is a teenager. I know other parents experience this challenge and wonder if things will ever get better.

I am here to offer you hope that it can get better, and instantly! All you need is a mental shift.

“Wait a minute!” I can hear you saying. I am not the one who needs to change the way they are thinking. That minion over there rolling on the floor yelling at me is the one who needs to change. And yes, they know exactly what they are doing!

Won’t Mindset vs. Can’t Mindset

(This is another helpful tool from the Karyn Purvis Child Institute at TCU.)

How we as parents respond to our children’s actions greatly determines how things progress. I am sure most of you reading this already know that. The challenge doesn’t lie with knowing. It is with doing.

How do we respond in a way that avoids a spiral downward into the usual cycle of resistance and conflict, and help the behavior to spiral upward toward reduced fear and anxiety leading to felt-safety and self-regulation?

Depends on What We Believe About Our Child

Your response or reaction will usually depend on some foundational beliefs you have about your child. That is, do you think that your child’s behavior is intentional or unintentional?

It helps if we keep in mind what is going on in their brains. If your child is intentionally misbehaving that means that they are operating from the upstairs or thinking part of their brain. If your child is unintentionally making bad choices, most likely they are stuck in their downstairs or survival part of their brain and in fight, flight, or freeze mode.

Most of the time when a child from a trauma background is misbehaving, they are operating from the downstairs part of their brain which means that they can’t make good choices in that moment even if they want to make a good choice.

This describes a Can’t vs. Won’t mindset.

If our child is stuck in survival mode and behaving accordingly, yet we think they are intentionally trying to get under our skin, well, the interaction will most definitely take a downward spiral.

However, if we can recognize that they are doing the best they can, and that their behavior is driven by their survival part of their brain, that helps us respond accordingly. Once we recognize this we can apply the trauma-informed principles we have learned that helps our child regulate, builds connection and trust, and reduces anxiety and fear.

Here is an infographic that I found that does a good job of describing this interaction:

 

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My experience and belief is that our kids want to make good choices and please their parents or caretakers. They just can’t until they receive help regulating enough to transition from their downstairs brain to their upstairs brain.

Study the infographic and see what you can change or apply to how you respond to your child’s behavior. I would love to hear if you see any changes with your kids. Let me know!

The Amazi Project: Interview with Jeff Jenkins [Podcast 51]

Many needs around the world go unmet simply because people think that someone else more qualified will respond to that need. I appreciate how Jeff Jenkins and his friends saw a need and didn't walk away thinking someone else would meet it. Even though Jeff and his friends knew nothing about drilling wells, they began to find a way to meet the need for water in Kajeyo, Rwanda. 

I asked Jeff to share with us more about how they are responding to this need. He and his friends formed what they are calling the Amazi Project. Amazi means water in the local language. 

Listen now to an interview with Jeff Jenkins about the Amazi Project:

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How I Survived a 16 Hour Flight

I recently flew non-stop from Dallas-Fort Worth to Hong Kong. The flight was scheduled to take 16.5 hours. Our flight took about 16 hours, not that it made much of a difference.

Even though I have made a some flights similar to this, it had been a few years, so I felt intimidated about submitting my mind and body to this test of endurance.

I did my best to prepare myself and my traveling companion, who was making his first such trip, to make the most of the experience.

I decided to make a few notes about how I survived (that is an accurate assessment) the 16 hour flight. I did this for two reasons really. One reason was to hopefully help someone else survive a flight such as this…the other was to help me overcome the temporary trauma.

So buckle your seatbelt and put your tray table up, we are about to take off!

Upgrade to Economy Plus or whatever the airline calls it.

Of course the type of seat you book greatly impacts the travel experience, but since most of us don’t have the cash or airline miles to fly in business or first-class, my suggestions I share here pertain to a more confined seating arrangement—either economy or economy plus (or whatever the airline calls it).

If your airline has, which most do for international flights, an upgraded economy option, it is worth the extra dollars to book this seat. At the very least you will get a few extra inches of legroom and seat width. But most will give you perks like early boarding, amenity kits, nicer pillow, better food, and so on. Plus it is closer to the front of the plane. It is a decent compromise between basic economy and business class.

I also book early so I can select a bulkhead seat. That usually means it is on an exit row. That has pros and cons, but I prefer the ability to get up and move around anytime I want without asking someone to get up. If you can’t get one of those seats, get an aisle seat.

Carryon Suggestions

First of all, I check everything I can rather than carryon as much as is allowed. The only time I didn’t do this is when Danielle and I went on a three-week Europe tour with only carryon luggage and backpacks. But that was more so that we could travel lightly around Europe.

But when I know I won’t have to lug my luggage up and down narrow roads and stairs at my destination, I prefer to have one backpack as my carryon. One reason is I don’t want to have to look for overhead space, because I want my stuff to be right above me. The other reason is I don’t want to have to lug a heavy bag around the airport.

Here is a picture of my backpack.

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The important thing about the backpack is multiple pockets and compartments. This allows me to organize things. I want anything I need to pull out for security checks to be all together in one pocket.

Then I organize into different compartments something like this:

Gum, toothbrush/toothpaste, mints, wipes (for freshening up), and other toiletries.
Snacks
Reading material, including paperbacks and digital devices like a Kindle.
Change of clothes (at least underwear).

Pay attention to where you put things, because it will be dark on the plane, and you will be groggy.

How to pass the time

Rather than thinking about 16 hours or however long your international flight is, think in blocks of time. I block it out kind of like this:

Settle into your space; introduce yourself to who is sitting next to you if you don’t know them; get ready for take off.
Between takeoff until the first meal is served is usually about 1.5 to 2 hours. If you plan to do some real work, this is the time to do it. Later you will be probably be too tired.
First meal time. I always fully participate in the meal times. It takes time to get your meal, eat at least some of it, and be in no hurry. Where do you need to go?
Now you will have about a 4-6 hour block of time before the next food service time. Great time for a bathroom break. (This is why I want at least an aisle seat. I take a bathroom break at least every couple of hours). Then settle in for a movie or if you are still alert, do some more work or read.
When you do take a bathroom break, take a little stroll to the other end of the plane and back. Stretch your legs and back. It is important to move as much as possible.

I think you get the idea about breaking up the time into smaller chunks. As for sleep, I sleep or doze if I get tired. I don’t take any sleep aids. I don’t like the groggy feeling I get, and I want to be alert when we land.

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How did that little guy take that picture?

What helps physically

Wear loose clothing. If you prefer to dress nice when you travel, take a change of casual clothes to change into before the first meal. At least loosen your shoe strings or better yet put on some slippers. You probably will get some if you are in the upgraded economy section.
Invest in a good pair of noise cancelling headphones. Whether you want to listen to music, watch a movie, or just block out a chatty person or crying baby, you will thank me for this suggestion.
Stay fresh. Remember the wipes and other toiletries? At least half way through the flight use one of your bathroom breaks to freshen up.
Drink lots of water. The air on airplanes is very dry. Staying hydrated will help you feel better. And it will remind you to get up for a bathroom break!

Ok, last meal time is served about an hour before landing. That last hour will go by fast. Time to eat, freshen up, gather my things, and get ready for landing!

The 50th Episode of His Hands His Feet Podcast

Time to celebrate a milestone for His Hands His Feet podcast! In this 50th episode, I want to say thank you for listening and sharing the podcast with those you think will enjoy its content.

What You Will Hear on the Podcast
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Why I began His Hands His Feet podcast
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The top 5 downloaded episodes
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Who have I interviewed?
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Locations interviewed missionaries serve (I can't reveal exact location on some)
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Where and how you can listen to His Hands His Feet podcast
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An opportunity for you to give me feedback 
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A way you can financially partner with His Hands His Feet Podcast […]

How Is God Directing Your Path? Interview with Geoff and Martina Hammond [Podcast 49]

Often things happen in our lives that at the time don't seem that important. Later, sometimes many years later, we can look back and see God's hand in it. He knows the plans He has for you, and He is at work at making them come to fruition even when we do things to hinder His plan. 

As we listen to Geoff and Martina share their story that brought to them to this starting point as missionaries to the Czech Republic, we will hear over and over how God orchestrated this moment. 

Listen to the interview with Geoff and Martina Hammond, then check out how you can partner with them.

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Essential List for Prepping a First Time Foster Home

The big difference between preparing to bring a baby home from the hospital and preparing for a foster placement is that you know what age and usually gender the baby is. With a foster placement you have no idea until they show at your doorstep.

How do you prepare for that?

After we got our foster license, we told our child placing agency that we wanted a child between four and 10 years-old. So we got the bedroom ready for that age with two twin beds and age appropriate toys.

We accepted our first, and only so far, foster placement—an eight-month-old baby boy.

No matter how hard you try, you won’t have everything you need when a child or children are placed in your home. However, you can make sure that you have some basic items on hand. That is the purpose of this list. If you are a veteran foster parent, please chime in with your suggestions in the comment section!

Of course you can go out and spend hundreds of dollars getting all these items. And some things you will want to purchase, but I recommend sending out a message to your network of friends asking them to come alongside you and supply many of these items.

Keep in mind that you won’t know the gender of the child until they show up. Keep your stuff gender neutral as possible.

Also, if any of these items can become the child’s, like a blanket or hygiene item, let them know it is theirs to own.

Helpful Items List

Car Seat. Get a car seat that can adjust to the age and size of the child like this one below.

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Personal Hygiene Items. Toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, body wash, shampoo.

Twin Beds. Twin beds will work for young children up to teenagers and gives you more room to put two beds in one room.

Mattress Protector. Anytime you have traumatized children staying in your home, it is a good idea to protect your mattresses regardless of the age of the child.

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Portable Crib. This is one of those items that I would put word out to see if you can borrow one, or if someone has one to donate. But if not, this is one you can get for a decent price.

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Pack and Play. Because we weren’t prepared for a baby, all we had was a Pack and Play for a few weeks. These are also convenient for travel.

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Diapers size for 16-28 lbs. (Different brands size them differently but either size 2 or 3). You don’t want to try stocking for every size, but this size can work temporarily until you can make a run to the store for the perfect size.

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Pull-ups for older kids. I would not assume that older kids will not have accidents. This helps save embarrassment and extra laundry.

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Baby Formula. When you get a placement of a baby in the middle of the night, you will be thankful you have some baby formula on hand.

Simple Entertainment. Kids movies. Coloring books. Building blocks.

Comfort Items. Blanket or stuffed animal is easy to hold and snuggle. Regardless of age a traumatized child will often find comfort in an item like this.

Sensory Items. Chew toys. Fidgets. Lycra wraps or hammocks.

Childproof Cabinet Locks. I prefer the magnetic locks that you can also set to remain unlocked. This makes it easy for when you don’t have a placement or have only older children in the house.

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Nightlights. Provide good lighting for a child sleeping in a new, strange home. I recommend a light that has a dusk-to-dawn sensor.

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Items for Older Kids and Required Organization

Weighted Blanket. A weighted blanket will often help an older child calm down. You can find ways online to make these, but if you prefer to just buy one, you can find many high quality blankets in various weights online like this one:

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Visual Timer. When a kids world turns upside down, one of the hardest things can be the small transitions. This visual timer can help them know when the next thing is coming or when they need to be ready go to the next thing.

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Medication Lock Box. State requires you to keep your medications in a locked location. Some need to be kept behind a double locked location as in a locked box within a locked cabinet.

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Binders. Paperwork can do a foster parent in, so you have to stay on top of it. Getting organized from the start helps. Have binders, labels, and other organizational tools on hand before your placement shows up.

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Required Items for All Foster Homes

Smoke Detectors. Depends on your agency whether you need a smoke detector in every bedroom, but I recommend it.

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Fire Extinguisher. Check with your state requirements on what size you need.

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First Aid Kit. Make the First Aid Kit easily accessible for all family members.

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Carbon Monoxide Detector. More state agencies are requiring a Carbon Monoxide Detector in Foster Homes. Might as well get ahead o the curve.

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Okay current and veteran families, what would you add to this list? Please comment below and help new foster families get off to a great start.

God Equips the Called: Interview with Kevin and Michelle Kennedy [Podcast 48]

I love what Kevin says, "God equips the called." I completely agree with him. In today's world, we place a lot of emphasis on education and training. I do think these are important. But a calling outweighs both. When God calls you to a mission, regardless where or what it is, He will equip you. 

As you will hear on the podcast, Danielle and I met the Kennedys in 2007 when we hosted their team in Thailand. At the time, their two children were elementary age. A little over a year later, they moved to Thailand to serve full-time. I know you will enjoy listening to their story of faith, humble service, and overcoming.  

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What Do We Do with Seemingly Randomness in Our Lives?

My friend moved to the Czech Republic to be close to his girlfriend. He needed a job and ended up teaching English which at the time just seemed just a way to stay in the country. He found out that he enjoyed teaching.

Another friend lived in a small village in the north of Thailand when she was a little girl. One day a missionary came through and talked about a man named Jesus. She had no idea who the man was talking about, but that name, Jesus, stuck in her mind.

My wife Danielle took another person’s spot at the Verge conference in 2010. We planned on returning to Thailand as longterm missionaries by the end of 2010. We didn’t know that Aaron Ivey and his band would do a worship set sharing about the needs of foster children in our cities.

I know you also have stories of seemingly random events in your life. We “fall into” a job or career. We meet people that we think nothing of at the time. We attend an event “just because”.

Some random events or encounters impact us in hurtful ways. We don’t understand why something happens to us. They cause pain and confusion. We cry out wanting to know how long we must endure the suffering. In the midst of the anguish, we wonder if any good will come from the hardship. That’s if we can garner any cognitive thought. It feels phony to say anything like, “God has a plan”. But we long for a reason; for beauty to come from the ashes. We don’t ever plan to encounter painful times.

Other times we make decisions or meet someone that at the time we don’t think much about.

Like the three stories above.

Geoff didn’t like language arts growing up, yet he needed a job in the Czech Republic. Since he was a native English speaker, the local school offered him a job teaching English. Now years later, he and his wife have led multiple mission teams to the Czech Republic to teach English and share the gospel with students. And they are preparing to move there full time soon.

Waew moved to Bangkok years later like many young Thai girls do to find work. This can turn out poorly as many get lured into the sex trade. But Waew met some Christians that told her about this man Jesus again. Even though others blew the Christians off, Waew remembered that missionary from years ago that came through her village. That was enough to peak her curiosity to learn more. As a married woman with two teenage boys, Waew has touched hundreds of lives with the Good News.

Danielle did not plan on attending the Verge conference with me, but when another person wasn’t able to attend, she made it work out. We thought we could take advantage of both of us attending by us going to different break-out sessions and comparing notes. Little did we know that Aaron Ivey would share in one of the main sessions about children in the foster care system that needed stable homes. Eight years later Danielle and I still live in Texas, still with a heart for Thailand, but also have an almost eight-year-old son that we adopted through foster care.

When I look back on my life, I can point to many things that seemed random at the time that have turned out to have God’s fingerprints all over them…even the bad times.

My conclusion is that what seems random at the time rarely is random. God is always at work in our lives. It’s just hard to notice sometimes.

What should we do with seemingly randomness in our lives?

Cultivate a sensitive heart. I am referring to an ability to notice spiritual things. Don’t just look and see what is happening in the physical realm.
Trust that God really is in control. This is harder than it sounds. The way we respond to what happens in our life truly reveals how much we trust God.
Journal for future reference. I go through seasons of journaling. I am thankful that I journaled a lot in 2010 and the years that followed. In fact, my first book, Adopting the Father’s Heart came from a lot of my journal entries.

Tell me below about a time in your life that turned out to not be so random after all.