Kenneth A. Camp's Blog, page 13

How Our Attachment Style Impacts Our Parenting [Podcast Episode 005]

An Interview with Marshall Lyles

In this interview Marshall Lyles and I talk about how the attachment style of a parent impacts a child. This derived out of the chapter—”Pay Attention to What You Bring” in my book, Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection.

Often we as parents get so wrapped up in the challenges that our kids face that we completely neglect what our challenges are.

In this episode you will discover:

Why it’s important to pay attention to your attachment style.
What happens when you bring a wounded child into your family.
What compassionate curiosity looks like.

To learn more about Marshall and the Center for Relational Care where he serves as the director of training, follow the links below:

Center for Relational Care

MarshallLyles.com

If you are considering Foster Care or Adoption, then I recommend a FREE ebook that will guide you through thoughtful questions. You can get it FREE by filling out the form below.

Get Your Free Copy While You Can!

Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection

You can get your free copy for a little while longer, so grab your copy and let your friends know about it. Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection is getting great reviews.

 

Yes the main audience is foster and adoptive parents, but this book is useful for any parent. Why? Because parenting with connection works for any parent.

In Foster and Adoptive Parenting you get:

Deeper understanding of parenting with connection principles.
Real life stories from families committed to parenting with connection principles that will inspire and encourage.
Audio podcast episodes that include interviews with professionals as well as candid conversations between Danielle and me about different parenting with connection principles.

My reason for writing this book is to encourage parents to stick with this parenting approach. I know first-hand how lonely and discouraging parenting a child with a trauma background can be.

Reading this book will:

Remind you that you are not alone.
Encourage you to keep parenting your child in a way that brings healing.
Give you practical tips and ideas on how to implement parenting with connection principles.

 

Get your free Kindle version now! Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection

After you read the book, will you do me a couple of favors?

First, go here and leave a review. That will help me improve the book for when I revise it and launch the print version in early 2017.

Second, please share this opportunity with all your friends so they can get a FREE copy today.

Here is a Tweet of mine you can retweet.

And a Facebook post you can Share with all your friends.

Here is a Landing Page that has more information about the book, including a personal short video from me. You can send this to your friends as well if you want!

Thank you!

Foster and Adoptive Parenting Book Launch [Podcast 004]

The Ebook Launches on November 13. Grab Your Free Copy While You Can!

In today’s podcast I share some excitement about my new ebook, Foster and Adoptive Parenting, that launches on November 13. For three days you will be able to grab a free copy! So share the love with everyone you know.

 

In the podcast episode I share what you will find in the book and how you will benefit from it. As well as why I wrote this book. Enjoy the podcast!

You don’t have to have a Kindle product to read this ebook! You can download a free Kindle app for your smart phone, tablet, or laptop by going here – Free Kindle App.

I know I said on the podcast episode that I would have a link to the Amazon page here, but you really want to wait until November 13, 2016 so you can get your FREE copy. That’s right. The ebook will be free for 3 DAYS beginning on November 13.

Can I ask a huge favor? After you get your copy of Foster and Adoptive Parenting, please leave an honest review.

For those who want the FREE ebook – Considering Foster Care or Adoption? Count the Cost, simply fill out the form below and you can download your copy when you confirm your email.

My Thoughts on the 2016 Presidential Election

I am 55 years old, and the first presidential election that I voted in was in 1980. I have always paid attention to politics with both a curious and discerning eye. I cannot recall a presidential election that caused as much angst as this one has for me.

Through the years I have watched many debates that over time reveal less and less to me where the candidates stand on different issues. In the same way we become fixated on a car wreck, this presidential season captured my attention.

A thought I had this year is how much social media has changed how we talk about politics. It seems my generation bridges the gap between two very different generations where one never talked openly about their political leanings and most definitely never revealed who they voted for in an election, and another generation that not only talks freely about politics but with a brash and “I am right, and you are wrong” tone.

The faceless nature of social media is the blame for this shift. It removes the immediate feedback that we get when we dialogue face to face. Sadly, this lack of respect for one another pours over now into much of our public discourse.

After watching one of the presidential, ahem, debates, I sat there with a definite physical reaction. I felt unsettled. I honestly didn’t know how to cast my vote.

I have read numerous articles about why voting for either candidate is ungodly and the death to our great nation. I have friends who fall on both sides of the political spectrum, and I read what many of them posted on social media.

I, if you noticed, kept quiet. Not because I don’t have opinions. I do. And I am inclined to persuasion at times about what I think to be true and right. But that isn’t my intention for my website nor my presence on social media.

However, I do feel strongly that my intention and role is to remind you, especially if you are a Christian that this world isn’t our home. I don’t mean just the United States; I mean this world. We live here for a short time. Not only is our life on this beautiful planet fleeting and quickly withers just like the bloom on a daylily, but this physical world isn’t eternal.

There is another kingdom that is eternal whose leader isn’t in His place because of our vote or a coup or any other reason except that He is Creator God.

And even though I fully believe in the civil duty of voting and participating in the wonderful democracy we call our nation, I also completely believe that it is God who appoints leaders of all nations for His purpose.

Now before you begin to argue with me about how these things coexist, I will tell you now, I don’t know that answer, I just know it is true.

So if you are wondering what I think we should do about all of this angst that this year’s presidential election brought upon us, here are a few thoughts:

Get our own house in order.

I do think that we need to hold our elected officials to a high standard. I also think that we can apply that same standard to our own house. If we want to see our nation be one that holds to values that are noble and good, we need to remember that any nation is built upon individuals and families.

Honor all people.

Okay, I know many of you don’t agree with me. Can you still honor me? One thing that has made this nation great is our right to freedom of expression. However, if we can’t respect that another has that same right, we ourselves will lose that right. I am much more willing to listen to you and your views if you treat me with honor and respect. I promise I will return the favor.

I don’t need to know who you voted for or where you land on the political landscape even though I am always open to a dialogue. I do need to remember who created you and that alone is reason enough to honor you.

Have a Kingdom mentality.

If you don’t know the Creator and Sustainer of all there is, I hope you get to know Him. If you do know Him, I remind and urge you to refocus your sights on Him; not on an elected official. Ask God how to live in this world but not of this world.

I am open to any dialogue you care to have on this topic here, but remember I reserve the right to delete any comment that I consider offensive or disrespectful.

May God bless the United States of America.

What Myth about Foster Care Do You Believe? [Podcast 003]

National Adoption Day

Before we decided to become foster parents, I had a lot of misconceptions about foster care. I really didn’t understand how the system worked or even why a child was in foster care.

I think two reasons prevent more families from adopting a child from foster care—Misunderstanding why a child is in foster care and ignorance about the need.

In today’s podcast episode, I talk about National Adoption Day, facts about foster care, and help dispel some myths about foster care. I get my talking points from the NationalAdoptionDay.org website. Please visit their site to get more information.

Want to read more about the 8 Steps to Get Started that I mentioned on the podcast? Go to www.FosteringHopeAustin.org.

I also mention the launch on November 13 of my new book, Foster and Adoptive Parenting. This book uses real-life stories, interviews with professional counselors and an occupational therapist, along with a few conversations that I have with my wife, Danielle, to encourage you to keep on parenting with connection. We all understand that it is hard and that you feel alone and discouraged at times, even possibly to the point of giving up. This book will not only encourage you, but will also inspire you with practical advice and tips.

If you want an email reminder from me when the book launches, and when you can get a FREE copy, simply fill out the form below.

6 Ways to Structure Your Life So You Have Time to Help A Child Heal from Trauma

Sample from new ebook—Foster and Adoptive Parenting

You want to bring a child who needs a home into your family but you know that your pace of life is too crazy to invest much time into that child. Unless the placement of the child into your home is an emergency kinship situation, I strongly suggest that you evaluate your lifestyle and restructure where you can.

If you don’t know where to begin, here are six ideas:

Remember Your Role

When you decided to foster or adopt, you made a commitment to that child. Part of that commitment was to help your child heal from their past. Part of that past most likely includes uncertainty. Your foster or adopted child needs extra time and a slower pace to process their environments and to feel safe.

One way to fulfill that commitment is to be fully present. That is hard to do if you are constantly on the go, working long hours, spending time taking your other children to many activities, and constantly on your mobile device.

Prioritize

It really takes rearranging your priorities, not just you as the parent but, again, the children too. That is why it is important that your biological children are all in on fostering or adopting. It impacts the entire family.

Either you or your spouse might need to take extended leave or even take a job with less demands. Remember us talking about securing attachment with your foster or adopted child in chapter 2? That first six to 18 months they are in your family, regardless of their age, are crucial to you attaching to them. They need you to spend as much time as you can with them.

Postpone Big Changes

That job change or a move to another house can wait. Yes, it might mean getting passed over for a promotion or remaining content with the house you live in now.

We moved into a new home about five years after our son was placed with us. Even after that length of time, the change unsettled our son for a while.

Maintain as much stability as you possibly can.

Learn to Say No

The fact that you foster or adopt a child tells me a lot about you. You don’t shy away from commitments. You take on challenges. You are moved by compassion. And you might even think that you can conquer the world.

But you can’t do everything. No one can. Learn to say no to that volunteer position at church or school. Say no to the “only one night a week” sports league. You might even need to say no to bringing another child into your family for a few months or longer.

Remember It’s a Season

Just like anything, it won’t always be this way, unless your child has high needs. But even if they do, either physically or mentally, you hopefully will reach a level of stability and predictability so that you can begin to add some things back into your lifestyle.

After about a year, I began playing in a sports league again. I fully expect that Danielle and I will begin going on more mission trips again.

So when you do slow things down, it probably will be for only a season.

Recruit a Team

I am not sure why foster and adoptive parents tend to try to do it all on their own, but we do.

When CPS placed our son with us, they told us that it was for only a few weeks. So when different friends offered to get certified for respite care, we told them that we didn’t need them to do that. To this day I am not sure why that was our reply. If he had only been with us for a few weeks, we planned on fostering other children.

Put a team around you that includes those who are certified for respite care, those who will bring meals (even at the last minute), others who will go shopping for you, and so on.

The main objective is to create or maintain a pace that allows you margin to handle unexpected or challenging times. You know that they happen. You can’t control what your child is going through or how they will handle it. You can control, however, if you have the time and energy to be fully present with your child to help them make sense of their life and to heal from their past.

This blog is an excerpt from my book, Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection. 

The launch date for the ebook version is November 13. You can get a free copy for three days after the ebook launches.

Want a reminder when the ebook launches and to get your free copy?

Why Would A Young Married Couple Move to Japan? [Podcast Episode 002]

Missionary Interview: Caleb and Jessica Camp

While most couples this age pursue the “American Dream”, this couple in their 20s married for only a few years decided to move to Japan—to serve as missionaries.

I begin this new series of audio podcasts with a couple very close to me. Caleb is my brother’s son. He and Jessica, or Jess as we call her, have been married for a few years. They moved to Japan in the Spring of 2016 to serve alongside a couple who have worked there for over a decade.

In this interview you will learn:

Why Caleb and Jessica decided to go on the mission field.
What kind of work they do.
What challenges they face.

Here are ways to pray for this couple:

Pray for their marriage.
That friendships will grow.
To learn the language.

Here is how you can connect and partner with Caleb and Jessica:

Aroma Ministries (you can support financially through this website)

Facebook

If you enjoyed this podcast please do a couple of things for me. First go to iTunes, subscribe to the podcast, then rate and review the podcast. Second, please share this with your friends. We need to share with many what God is doing around the world through and in His people.

Your Words Will Build Up or They Will Tear Down [Podcast Episode 001]

(Expounded Thoughts from 7 Things Your Foster or Adopted Child Needs to Hear from You)

Today’s podcast expounds on a previously posted blog—7 Things Your Foster or Adopted Child Needs to Hear from You. Since this was a popular blog post, I take some time to dig a little deeper into the 7 things that your child needs to hear from you. In fact, you can apply these to any relationship you have.

 

 

If you liked this episode, will you do a couple of things for me?

Go to iTunes.  Subscribe to the podcast, then rate and review the podcast.
Share the podcast with your friends and family.

Thank you!

 

How Embracing the Presence of God Will Make Life Better

15 Promises Manifested by God's Presence

God’s presence honestly perplexes me. I both want His presence and am afraid of it at the same time.

How God handles His presence reflects His complex nature. On one hand He presides in a Holy and lofty place. On the other hand He resides with the lowly and contrite in spirit.

Our mishandling of God’s presence can incinerate us yet we also can’t escape His presence. Wherever I flee, He is there.

God is set apart from us yet He resides within us if we allow Him.

A big word that describes God’s presence is Omnipresent meaning that God is always present without any exception. As I said, we can’t escape His presence. For some this creates intense discomfort. But for those who embrace His omnipresence it brings many promises.

These are 15 promises that manifest with God’s presence.

Revival – “For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and revive the heart of the contrite.'” Isaiah 57:15. 
Rest – “And He said, ‘My presence with go with you, and I will give you rest.'” Exodus 33:14
Joy – “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy.” Ps. 16:11
Discovery – “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jer 29:13
Love perfected – “No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us.” 1 John 4:12
Comfort – “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Ps 23:4
Cleansing – “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.” Ps 51:10-11
Refreshing – “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that He may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus” Acts 3:19
Companionship – “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, ‘I will never leave you or forsake you.’ So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?'” Hebrews 13:5-6
Confidence – “But thus says the Lord, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.'” Isaiah 43:1-2
Counsel – “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
Peace – “For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, by my steadfast love shall not depart from your, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10
His Attention – “Thus says the Lord: ‘Heaven and earth is my footstool; what is the house that you would build for me, and what is the place of my rest? All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.'” Isaiah 66:1-2
Strength – “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength.” Isaiah 40:28-31
Indwelling – “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? 1 Corinthians 3:16

As I meditate on these scriptures about God’s presence and the promises associated with His presence, I resolve to be counted as one who embraces His presence. May I never take it for granted nor run from it.

Are You Afraid of Your Child’s Big Emotions?

The first few years of our marriage I didn’t attune well to my wife’s emotions—especially when she got excited about something. As an expressive person, she jumped, laughed, ran around, and screamed with excitement—all while I stood with a simple smile on my face and would say, “That’s great honey.”

That response, or lack thereof, always threw a wet blanket on her excitement. I definitely wasn’t attuned to her emotions.

Then we got a little guy who also has big emotions. Some of this is his personality no doubt. But most kids from a hard place come to us with big emotions. They are trying to make sense of everything that has happened to them.

Even though I learned a lot about meeting someone in the midst of their emotion from my wife, I still struggle with big emotions—mine or any other person’s. It shows as I interact with my son. My default response is either frustration or shutting down. Unfortunately that communicates to my son that his feelings lack value and maybe even are wrong to have. Both cause shame.

The last thing I want to do is shame my son for having emotion just because I don’t know how to deal with emotion. But I know it happens. I come from the generation of “big boys don’t cry.”

When We Encourage Proper Expression of Emotion

The key is to first accept that emotion is a part of the human experience. It’s how we are created. Our kids that come to us with traumatic histories need to know it’s okay for them to have emotion—even BIG emotion.

The challenge is when our children struggle with how to express their emotions in ways that don’t cause harm to others. But if they are never allowed or encouraged to process these emotions, they will never learn.

When we empower our kids to express their emotions in safe ways, a lot of positive things happen:

Acceptance. Our kids feel accepted especially when they have emotions that they don’t know how to handle. We all know how it feels when an emotion hijacks us. Something out of nowhere triggers an emotional response, and we can’t stop it even if we try. Acceptance gives our children a safe place to emote.

Honor. Our culture seems to have lost its ability to honor. Maybe that stems from a lack of honor in our families. When we allow our kids to be who they are without judgment, we show them respect. That is a form of honor.

Attunement. When I am attuned to my son’s emotions, we are in harmony. I can show that I am attuned to my son’s emotions by full-body listening. My facial expressions support, maybe even mirror, his emotions. If he is jumping up and down excited, I jump up and down with excitement. If he is crying because a friend hurt his feelings, then my voice and face join him in his sadness.

“When a child is upset, logic often won’t work until we have responded to the right brain’s emotional needs. We call this emotional connection ‘attunement’, which is how we connect deeply with another person and allow them to ‘feel felt’. When parent and child are tuned in to each other, they experience a sense of joining together.” — Dr. Dan Siegel, The Whole Brain Child

Sometimes this can backfire because my son doesn’t think I am authentic in my emotional response. It comes across as if I am making fun of him. So I try to temper my response while still meeting him within his big emotion. Maybe if my action overshadows his, it takes the focus away from him and puts it on me.

What I am learning is how to help my son understand what emotions are, how to communicate them appropriately, and that they are temporary.

This is part of a chapter in my soon to be released book, Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection.

The launch date is November 13. Keep an eye out for your opportunity to get your free copy.