Kenneth A. Camp's Blog, page 12

Top 10 Blog Posts in 2016

If you have been following me for very long or know us personally, you know that 2016 has been a busy year for us. We bought a new home last December and moved into it in January. I was still rehabbing from my ankle surgery. Danielle had “minor” surgery in May. I began working on my new book—Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection, and our son began Kindergarten.

Needless to say our year sped by in a blur. But I know it’s important for me to take some time and look back over this past year to see what worked and what didn’t. One easy thing for me to do is find out what blog posts did well.

The nerd in me comes out as I enjoy looking at these stats. I usually can gleam a few things by doing this simple exercise.

I notice which categories or topics got the most interest.
I try to determine what made each blog popular. The title? The subject? The content?
I consider if I can use the content in another form so that more can benefit from it.

So here they are…the Top 10 Blog Posts from 2016:

7 Things Your Foster or Adopted Child Needs to Hear from You. (3/29/16) This post caused so much traffic that it kept shutting down my site! As a blogger I never really know what will get picked up and shared.
9 Warning Signs that Toxic Shame Is Preventing a Life of Freedom (8/4/14) Many find this blog from searching the term “toxic shame”. Notice that number 7 is also about shame. After I complete a couple of writing projects the first part of 2017, I will continue my work on my book about shame.
10 Things You Are Not Supposed to Say to a Foster Parent (11/22/13) Even though I posted this blog three years ago, it still gets a lot of hits. My takeaway is that it’s the title that drives traffic to it.
What I Learned from Dr Karyn Purvis about Caring for At-Risk Children (2/27/15) If you are familiar with trauma informed care then you know who Dr. Karyn Purvis is. Sadly, she passed away earlier this year after a lengthy battle with cancer. I dedicated my new book to her since it is written based on many of the principles she taught.
Three Principles of Trust Based Relational Intervention (7/1/14) These are the main principles taught by experts like Dr. Karyn Purvis.
How Many Times on Average Does a Foster Child Move? (7/14/15) Do you know how many times on average a foster child moves? That is moves from one family to another?
15 Ways We Shame Our Children (7/18/16) I had more than one person ask me to expound on this blog.
Am I Contributing to My Child’s Trauma? (3/8/16) Often the way we respond or react to our children reinforces the trauma that they have already experienced as a foster or adopted child.
My Thoughts on the 2016 Presidential Election (11/8/16) From time to time I post a blog about a current event. I am not surprised that this blog about the election this year created some interest.
The Importance of Parental Self Care: An Interview with Robyn Gobbel [Podcast 007] (12/2/2016) Yes! I launched a podcast this year. The introduction episode launched on October 14.

You probably noticed a couple of trends:

One is that five out of the 10 posts are from pre-2016.
Most of the posts are adoption/foster care related. Part of that is because that became a focus of mine in 2016 as I wrote my book about foster and adoptive parenting.

I hope you take a minute and read the posts that you haven’t read yet…and if you want to send a little love my way…share the ones you like with your network of friends. That’s the best gift you can give a blogger!

Most of all, I want to say a big thank you for reading, sharing, and dialoguing this past year. I hope that something that I shared with you encouraged you to live a life on mission this year. Remember, somewhere someone in need needs you.

Oh yeah…about my new podcast…you can easily give it some great publicity in iTunes. Simply follow the link below and  click where it says Ratings and Reviews. Then leave a review. That is the best present you can give this new podcaster!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/his-hands-his-feet-adoption/id1165097533?mt=2

Are We Mishandling the Presence of God?

Ah the holiday season! Christmas music. Endless shopping. Parties. The joyful anticipation in our children’s eyes. Stressful for most. And for many, sadness. If you are like me, I can experience any or all of this each season.

What often gets overlooked during the holiday season is the fact God made His presence known to mankind in the most personal and intimate way imaginable.

I know that, this time of year especially, can cause different emotional responses to the notion that a Supreme Being left His Holy place to vulnerably enter this world not only in human form, but birthed from a woman’s womb. Not in a clean hospital room. Not even in the comfort of a home. Instead He arranged His arrival in a barn full of animals.

That’s a hard story to accept when you really think about it. Yet I believe every part of it. Most Christians, even nominally ones, believe it to be true.

Still even if we believe that a Holy God became man, we often mishandle His presence. Ironically this happens more during the holiday season than any other time.

Are we mishandling the presence of God?

I answer that question in the context of how those of us who profess a belief in a God who sent His son named Jesus Christ for whom we celebrate Christmas tend to mishandle His presence.

Here are a few ways we mishandle God’s presence:

We fail to recognize His presence. We get caught up in the secular celebration of Christmas. Even the attendance of religious services serve our family or church traditions more than it serves as a welcoming of His presence into our world.
We misunderstand why His presence is needed. We either forget or never believed this to begin with. We needed God to make His presence in this world. We are doomed without Him not only entering our world, but without Him pursuing us. Left to our own efforts, we will always end up in destruction. We desperately need a Redeemer.
We reduce His presence as equal to other things in our life. If the first two ways we mishandle His presence are true, then this is simply a default result. His presence in our lives isn’t a priority, rather it is just another “thing” in our life. We stick it in it’s box and maybe we consider it once or twice, a year. If you doubt this, then think about what you spend most of your time thinking about, and pursuing.
We manipulate His presence. In no other time of the year is this more evident than during this time of year. We have become comfortable with leveraging, if not His presence, at least His name to accomplish our objectives.

If you feel some conviction, join the club. But I won’t leave you just feeling bad about this…

Here are a few questions to consider:

Do I invite God’s presence into my life?
What in my life is overshadowing God’s presence?
What can I do each day to experience God’s presence?

Those three questions are a great way to begin each day guiding us to a life that treats God’s presence with reverence and anticipation.

As you celebrate this holiday season, join me in elevating Him back to His rightful place in our lives.

Circle of Security: An Interview with Suzette Lamb [Podcast 009]

I talk a lot about attachment in my book, Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection. One of the best models I have seen is called the Circle of Security (COS).

In today’s podcast episode, I interview Suzette Lamb who is a trained COS lecturer. I have had the privilege to hear Suzette speak in person a few times, and I always enjoy her passion and her style of communication.

In this episode you will hear the following:

A brief history of the Circle of Security.
How this model applies to every parent/child relationship.
Why it is important for us to raise children who have autonomy within relatedness and relatedness within their autonomy

If you want to learn more about the Circle of Security, visit their website—circleofsecurity.net

You can find Suzette Lamb’s contact information at Central Texas Attachment & Trauma Center.

Did you enjoy this podcast episode? If you did, please subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and also click on the Ratings and Review to leave a rating and a review?

Here is the link to the podcast on iTunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/his-hands-his-feet-adoption/id1165097533?mt=2

Thank You!

What Does It Mean When God Knocks Us Down?

A grove of oak trees stand in front of our house. The kind that looks perfect with white lights wrapped around the trunk and limbs.

So I took inventory of what lights I had, and I decided that I needed a few more strands. Off I went to Home Depot to get several more boxes of lights. I had chosen a beautiful day to do the work; the kind of day that makes me glad I live in Texas, especially in December. The blue sky was cloudless and high. The temperature was a crisp upper 50’s. Not too cold. Not too hot.

I merrily worked from tree to tree occasionally stepping back to admire my handiwork. I moved to my next to last tree and wrapped the first strand around its wide trunk. Looking at the ground where another box of lights lay, I took a couple of steps toward it, and…WHAM!

I ran headlong into a low hanging branch that sent me stumbling backward and right on my rear end. My hand immediately reached up to my aching, bald head. For those of you who are blessed with hair on your head, you just don’t understand how much that hair protects you.

I sat there feeling foolish and wondering if I had just given myself a concussion. After a few minutes I stood up and slowly made my way into the house to check out the damage. I looked into the bathroom mirror. Sure enough, I looked as if I had run into a tree…or drug upside down along an asphalt street.

I wet an old wash cloth with warm water and pressed against my throbbing head and sat down for a while. After about 30 minutes I went back outside to continue working. I wanted to finish the job and enjoy the beautiful day.

What I haven’t told you is that wasn’t the first time I have run into a low tree branch on our property. Nope. Lucky for me, we have a few oak trees with branches that hang just above my site line yet low enough to crack me in the head if I am not paying attention. I seem to have a habit of looking at the ground when I am walking around our place.

A few days later I thought about running into that blasted tree. The limb isn’t all that large. I wasn’t running either. But it was enough to not only stop me in my tracks, but to also knock me to the seat of my pants. It definitely got my attention.

Has God ever stopped you so suddenly in your tracks that it knocked you down possibly even hurting a little?

The times in my life when I wasn’t paying attention to what I needed to pay attention to, God put something in my path, like a tree branch, that stopped me in my tracks and emphatically got my attention. And nearly every time it hurt. And left a mark.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like it when God gets my attention like this. In the moment it never seems like a good thing, and I often think it’s unfair.

What does it mean when God knocks us down, even in a way that hurts?

He has shown me two reasons:

He disciplines those He loves.
He disciplines those who belong to Him.

This is what I have learned. If I didn’t belong to Him, and if He didn’t love me, He would leave me to my demise. When I think of it like that, I thank Him for knocking me to the seat of my pants to stop me from going down paths that will not only hurt me but could destroy.

If you feel that God is disciplining you or has knocked you down on the seat of your pants, remember that He not only disciplines those He loves, He pursues them. His love is so great for you that He will do whatever He needs to get your attention.

Understanding Your Child’s Sensory Processing Needs [Podcast Episode 008]

Interview with Marti Smith

I didn’t know that sensory processing disorder existed until I began fostering my son. I noticed that some of his behavior was strange, such as, licking all kinds of surfaces like table tops, blankets, even the top of my bald head.

I also wondered why in some environments he spun completely out of control, jumping around, yelling, bouncing off walls and people. Then I learned about sensory input. I also learned that we all struggle with sensory input at some level. Now I understood myself better too.

In today’s podcast episode, I discuss with occupational therapist, Marti Smith, about how we as parents can not only recognize our child’s sensory processing needs, but also help them navigate them well.

In this episode you will:

Learn the difference between hypo and hyper sensory processing.
Get some insight into whether your child needs help with sensory processing.
Tips to understanding your child better.

Learn more from Marti Smith by visiting her website: www.creativetherapies.com

Marti recommends the following online resources:

SensorySmarts.com

SensoryDigest.com

OfficePlayground.com

As you heard in the podcast episode, this interview is part of my new book, Foster and Adoptive Parenting. You can get your ebook copy now on Amazon: Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection

The Biggest Obstacle to Christians Living a Life On Mission

How God calls a Christian to live is clear and simple. You can phrase it any way you choose—engage others, share the story, live a missional life—it boils down to His call for us to live a life on mission. His mission.

The question is why don’t more Christians choose to live this way?

I don’t just mean going to another country as a missionary, either short or long-term. I mean living life in such a way that it drives every decision you make. But what does that even look like?

How does living a life on mission impact the way you spend your money; parent your children; spend your time; who you hang out with?

Maybe you have never given that much thought. Instead you make those decisions with no consideration how they impact your ability to live a missional life. In fact, if you ever think about living a life on mission it’s only a few times a year—like the end of the year when you consider making a donation to a “good cause” for a tax break.

“I don’t have time.”

“If I had more money…”

“My kids are too young.”

“I am too old.”

“I don’t like (insert here) food.”

“I am an introvert.”

The excuses reasons are endless.

What is the Biggest Obstacle to living a life on mission?

It is the lack of grace to allow others to be different from us. 

We prefer to remain homogenous. This applies to race, culture, language, worldview, economic status, even parenting styles. More things than not separate and isolate us. I am not saying that this is unnatural. Quite the opposite. We are drawn to the familiar and repelled by the different.

I suggest that left to ourselves we would never entertain leaving what we know as familiar and comfortable to engage that which isn’t. Something has to compel us to do this.

I believe this comes in the form of a person not a belief system. Yes, I believe that person is Jesus Christ. Why? Because this is His nature, and only His nature within us will compel us to live a life that engages others who are different than us, to do what is uncomfortable or stretches us, to strive to understand the needs of others.

Let’s talk about this nature of Jesus Christ. What makes this His nature?

I believe in a Triune God who reveals Himself as Father, Son (Jesus Christ), and Holy Spirit. I believe that God in His three Persons had no need to go outside Himself for anything. He was and is complete.

If you believe in a Creator God, then you believe that God didn’t allow His relational perfection to keep Him from creating His most prized creation—us.

He could have stopped there though. The “wind up creation and let it run on its own” view. But He didn’t stop there. What we celebrate during this season of Christmas is how God sent His son to enter our world. If anyone is different from us in every way possible, it is God.

Yet He, through His Son, stepped out of everything He needed, entered into everything different from His nature—flesh, finiteness, frailty, brokenness—and didn’t just endure it, He embraced it.

When His nature becomes our nature, we are compelled to live the same way. We willingly leave our comfort to live among what is unfamiliar. We accept, even invite, others much different than us to be a part of our lives.

As this Christmas season descends upon us, will you take a moment and ponder what compels you? Will you allow Jesus, the greatest gift ever given, change your nature and compel you to live a life on mission?

The Importance of Parental Self Care [Podcast Episode 007]

Interview with Robyn Gobbel

All too often a parent gets so focused on the well-being and health of their children that they neglect themselves. A parent feels that the needs of their child is more important than their own. They fail to recognize that taking care of themselves will ensure that they have what they need to parent their child well.

How can we as parents take care of ourselves when we have so many demands on our time, emotions, and mental energy so that we can be fully present for our kids?

Listen to my conversation with Robyn Gobbel, LCSW as we discuss this very important topic. Robyn is a licensed clinical social worker and physcho-therapist. She speaks and trains often on this subject. In this interview she not only helps us understand the importance of self care, but she also offers practical tips and ideas.

Want to learn more from Robyn? Here is where you can find more helpful resources and how to contact Robyn:

http://www.gobbelcounseling.com

Central Texas Attachment and Trauma Center – http://centraltexasattachmenttrauma.com

9 Specific Resources I Used to Self Publish My Latest Book

Over the past couple of years, I went back and forth about how to publish my next book. I really thought that I would go the traditional route of publishing…outline the book, write a few chapters, write a proposal, and shop the book to agents. I was far down that path when I changed my mind again and decided to go the self publishing route.

I talk about why I decided to invest in a self publishing school – Why I Joined the Self-Publishing School – but the purpose of this blog post is to share with you some of the resources I used to self publish Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Authentic Stories that Will Inspire and Encourage Parenting with Connection.

Self publishing a book is a little like building your own house. As the general contractor, you make all the decisions and sub-contract out the work you don’t want to do yourself, or don’t know how to do.

It helps if you first know all of the steps when you are the “general contractor”, and that is where the Self Publishing school helped me out tremendously.

Here are 9 Specific Resources that I used to self publish my book:

Self Publishing School*. Again, I went into detail why I chose to invest in the Self Publishing School (SPS) in a previous blog. Briefly, SPS helped me decide on the specific book topic, how to mind map the content which led to the outline, and SPS provided step-by-step guidance and support.
Scrivener*. This is a writing tool that once you get the hang of it helps you to keep your book organized much more easily than a word document.
Upwork . This is a website where you can search for all kinds of freelancers. I used Upwork to find an editor. It’s a simple process. Post the job you want to fill. Wait for responses. Select your top few choices. Ask them to give you a sample of their work. In my case, I gave them a page to edit. (I made sure that it had things to edit). Finally make your choice and agree on specifics of the job.
Happy Self Publishing . I used Happy Self Publishing for the cover design of my book. They also provide everything from A to Z to publish your book if you want to have it done in one place.
Wild Word Formatting . Jen Henderson, owner of Wild Word Formatting, was recommended to me through SPS. I liked the personal touch that she gave. I didn’t feel like I was just a number in a queue.
TCK Publishing . This is another full service publishing company. I used one simple, free tool on their site. It’s called the Amazon Book Sales Calculator. This tool helps you select the categories for your book on Amazon.
Fiverr . This is another site, like Upwork, where you can post or search for free lancers to do all kinds of work. Many of the “gigs” are only $5! I purchased two gigs to help increase the visibility of my book in search engines.
Social Media. I lumped all of these together, but I mainly used Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. I also posted on LinkedIn. On Facebook, I participate in groups that pertain to the genre of my book, writing/author groups, and blogger groups. I also have a Facebook Author page, and I created a launch team Facebook group specifically for this book.
Kindle Direct Publishing . Yes, there are other ebook distributors. iBooks, Barnes and Noble, and Kobo are the closest competitors to Amazon. But it’s really not that close. So for now I am focused on Amazon (Kindle) because about 3/4 of all ebooks sold are through Amazon.

I could have gone into greater detail on how I utilized each of these resources, but space doesn’t allow that in just one blog post. However, I am happy to dialogue with you in more detail if you have questions.

My objective is to help all of you who have considered writing that book that is inside of you, but just don’t know where to begin. I hope this information helps you to at least have an idea of what to do. Make 2017 the year you write and publish your book!

*affiliate links

Helping Our Son Handle Transitions [Podcast Episode 006]

Have you ever tried to get out the door in a hurry then your child has a total meltdown because they don’t want to stop what they are doing? The harder you try to help them transition the worse it gets, so not only are you late, but the family is in total chaos.

We can predict some transitions and help our kids navigate them. Yet others catch us completely off guard. The better we, as parents, think ahead, the better we can help our children. Even if we are caught off guard, we can respond rather than react.

In today’s podcast episode, Danielle and I share some stories about how we have helped our son handle transitions. Here are a few things we share:

Three kinds of transitions.
How we handled daily transitions.
How we have handled a couple of major life transitions.

Did you enjoy this podcast episode? If you did, please go to iTunes, subscribe to the podcast, and most of all, Rate and Review the podcast.

Thank you!

A Year of Change and Thankfulness

As I sit here looking out the window of my home office across a tree-filled front yard reflecting over the past year, my heart is full of thankfulness.

When the end of the year arrives, I begin a time of reflection. Thinking back through the past year helps me to remember reasons to give thanks. When I forgo this important ritual, I tend to get caught up in the weeds of each day which often only serves as a way to blind me of the many reasons for thankfulness.

Year of Change

This time last year I was recovering from major ankle surgery hoping it would heal enough so I could chase my young son around.

Soon after my surgery we bought and moved into a new home (new to us) that sits on 5 acres. This brought lots of change. Especially for our son. Not only did he move from the only home he remembered, but he also began Kindergarten at a school where he knew no one.  As you know, change can be very challenging for a young child, especially one with a trauma background.

About the time I finished physical therapy on my ankle, Danielle had what should have been minor surgery. However, her recovery was inhibited by an infection during the summer months. Not fun when you have a young son who is constantly on the go, but Danielle was a trooper!

Since I don’t like to be too bored, I decided to pull together my notes to write and self-publish a book! I had been working on a few different writing projects, but finally got serious about getting one of them finished this year. (I will share details on how I wrote, published, and promoted the book next week for those interested in that sort of thing.)

Whew! Needless to say the past 12-14 months flew by for us. I really do look forward to a little more settled 2017. Many times I wondered how smart it was for us to impose so much change into our family in such a short time. Granted, not all of it was avoidable, but much of it was.

A Choice

I had days where I did complain. I complained about my ankle. About the stress around buying a house and moving. About how we didn’t do much for fun during the summer. About how my son kept saying he hated his new house.

Just being honest, yet that wasn’t my overall attitude. But I can remember feel that way from time to time.

Like us all, I have a choice. I can complain about pain, hurt, busyness, stress, and disappointment.

Or I can look at the same events and look for the good in each of them. I learned a few years ago that I really don’t have an accurate enough perspective on life to know whether something is good or bad. All I can see is what is right in front of me, and usually I don’t completely understand what I am seeing.

Only God truly knows what is good or bad. And He promises to work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

This is why I spend time each year looking back reflecting on what has transpired. My view and understanding is more clear. I can see how God has been in control all along and moving in my life. Events, days, and decisions that at the time brought on stress, possibly even pain, even if I still can’t understand, I can see reasons to be thankful now.

Thankfulness

I am thankful that my ankle recovered and healed enough that I can run with my son, I can jump on the trampoline with him, and I even can play a little basketball.
I am thankful for our new home and how, not only my son, but all of us has transitioned into living in a new place.
I am thankful that even though Danielle’s slow recovery was unexpected and frustrating, it forced us to slow life down this past summer.
I am thankful that I accomplished a huge goal in writing, compiling, and publishing my second full-length book. I needed to focus and get it done. Many people encouraged me along the way. Many assisted me as well with the writing, editing, feedback, publishing and promoting.

When I consider all these things for which I am thankful, I realize how blessed I truly am.

I know for many of you reflecting back over the past year is painful. I have close friends who lost loved ones during this time of year, and that alone makes it nearly impossible to meditate on what is good.

For others simply the fear of the future because of who runs your country, or the illness of a loved one, or the stress of finances render you paralyzed and unable to find thankfulness in anything.

Still, I trust that if you too will take a moment as we draw near to the end of 2016, you can find something for which to give thanks.

Will you take a moment and leave a comment about one thing you are thankful for?