Kate Larking's Blog: Anxiety Ink, page 48

Scatterbrained Writer and the Importance of Focus

One of the topics that has come up in my writer friend’s group is focus. Between the post of focus over at GirlTriesLife and Elisa’s post on Friday, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about whether or not focus is an issue for me.

Answer: yes, it is. I am a scatterbrained writer and I need more focus.

Source.

I hesitate to lock myself into one goal or another because I want to do all the things. All the time. And then I end up doing nothing. Deadlines pass by and I am left with nothing to show for it. I am very good at giving up after barely starting.

Anxiety has given me focus. I have to, like clockwork, have a blog post ready every Wednesday. Lately, I’ve been slacking and scraping by with a post on Tuesday night or Wednesday day of. I realize I need to fix this and I am starting to fix it.

But I’m not applying this focus to the fiction writing. My fiction writing has no set date, no time reserved for it to be done. I have no set publishing timeline because I am scared I won’t be able to meet those deadlines.

And my fear is causing me not to write much at all.

Not only is focus an issue, but being scattered in my writing spaces is an issue. My tables are cluttered with all the things I need to get done. Girltrieslife’s post on this really made me look at what my computer has open because I think I can multitask. For example, right now, I have:

Research links open for my space punk book.
My Habitica open with my to do list of all the things.
Facebook for chatting
Pinterest for inspiration–for drawing, not writing.
Stickies for random ideas.
A show to watch–with subtitles that I need to read to understand what’s going on.
Three word documents open with my current story planning scattered between all of them.

This week, my goal is going to be to clean up. I am going to tidy my to do lists, I’m going to get all the little things out of the way so that I can get out of my own way.

Will it work? I sure hope so. I’m leading into When Words Collide, the large writing conference here, where I am bound to return more more inspired to get my writing done. So we will see.

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I Can’t: The Critic

The inner critic. We all have one. Some of us have been fortunate to find a sort of balance with ours, but I think we all invariably have moments of feeling like charlatans.

Impostor Syndrome. Fraud police. Different names for the same thing.

For most of my life, my inner critic’s mantra was, “I can’t.” (A very different sort of “I can’t” from last week’s post.)

In my high school theatre days, those words rarely stopped running through my head. The director just told me to do something outside my (incredibly limited) comfort zone? An instant burst of utter terror and a litany of Ican’tIcan’tIcan’tIcan’t.

Somewhere between high school and college, I’d had enough. The self-critical “I can’t” became my lodestone. Any time it fired up, I made a conscious choice to do the thing, whatever it was.

My inner critic doesn’t say that to me any more. I don’t know when she stopped. I only realized when I walked out of a particularly intense audition last year and not heard a single, insidious whisper of, “I can’t.”

She’s still there. Writing conventions are fraught with feelings of unworthiness – of Impostor Syndrome. She creeps in any time I consider sharing a piece with my critique group. I recently made steps to set up a writing workshop with high school kids. Hitting “send” on the email was stupidly nerve-wracking.

But my inner critic no longer dictates to me, and that alone is magic.

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The Necessity of Focus

While checking my email the other night, I came across this blog post on focus. In a nutshell, Victoria listed only her writing goals and commented that she hadn’t made headway on any of them because she lacked laser focus on each of them. This got me mulling.

I have bragged more than once about my ability to multitask. I like spreading my focus because it keeps me energized and I feel like I accomplish more in the end. I’m also good at remembering where I left off with projects, as long as the space between stopping and starting isn’t too long.

However, I have learned to keep on top of one WIP at a time. Sure, I write a lot of notes down whenever another story’s thread pops into my head or if key scenes won’t leave me alone, but I try to keep my headspace devoted to one project at a time. I don’t want to lose the sparks of other writing possibilities, however, I tuck them away.

After reading about another writer’s experience and looking at the writing I have done this year, I’m wondering if my bragging is, well, worth bragging about.

Breaking it down, and just focusing on writing, this is what I tackle in a single month:

writing, editing, posting 6-7 blog posts at an average of 600 words each;
reading and scheduling those blog posts, as well as those of my fellow Inkettes;
hunting down, reading, blurbing, and scheduling links for social media each week, with the assistance of my fellow Inkettes; and,
coming up with topics to blog about.

I have set days for each of these tasks because they have to be done. I am accountable not only to myself and I am the type of person who can’t let others down. It’s a thing with me. Like I said last week, I write my blog posts over the first weekend of the month. I work on links every Saturday, unless I can’t, then they’re pushed to later in the week; I schedule people’s posts every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday night; I link hunt when I have a spare moment; and I come up with blog topics on the fly.

Every month I successfully accomplish the items on that list. Not to mention my day job tasks, my family tasks, my pet parent obligations, and everything else that makes up portions of my life.

Do you see the glaring hole though? I have absolutely ZERO time devoted to fiction writing. I do it when I feel like it, which is the worst plan ever.

One of the major writing tenets is do not wait for the muse. Yet that’s what I do time and again! My blogs take up a lot of my time, yes, but I’ve learned how to deal with that and block out time well in advance. I have to start doing the same for my fiction, I can’t just take off the rest of the month’s weekends because I drafted my butt off for two days.

I must focus on fiction.

Of all of Victoria’s Focus Project rules, this is my favourite and the one I’m going to start implementing this month: Regularly Prioritize My To-Do List. Every week I write “fiction writing” on my to-do list, but it gets buried in the other drudgery that takes up my time. I can’t keep letting that happen. I’m working less hours at the day job willingly in order to prioritize writing. I can’t let this opportunity go to waste.

My take on focus wasn’t exactly what Victoria was getting at, I think. Overall, I can focus when it counts. I need to learn that my own work counts and to make time to focus on that too.

 

 

*Image: Dictionary Focus Crop by Chris Dlugosz via Flickr.

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A Little Competition Between Writers Never Hurts

I’m not talking about competition between writers that are big name authors who seem to have their careers presented to them on a silver platter. I’m talking about hardworking beginners who are finally digging their toes into the ground and getting some traction. And you can’t help but feel a little twang of competitive energy when you face that.

Lately, whenever I see an acquaintance or friend who has a career that’s starting to roll, I get an interesting flux of emotions.

Here’s a same of a few emotions that come to play:

I’m super happy for them. They have been writing for forever and they deserve recognition.
I’m jealous. There is no getting around that.
I’m angry at myself for struggling so hard and so long with start of draft after draft and feeling like I’m not getting anywhere.
I’m invigorated to get to work on my own stories. Get them out there.
I’m discouraged by how little progress I’ve seemed to make on my own stories. I see the bits of research I still need to do…
…and I get caught in the rabbit-hole of research/writing prep/character work that stills needs to be done before I feel I know what I am writing. Until I happen upon seeing another friend’s book…
And the whole cycle happens again.

Some of you who have struggled with depression will clearly recognize the never-ending loop above. I m invigorated by other authors being productive and seeing success. But I lack the confidence in my work to finish and deliver a manuscript to beta readers.

Source: Army Athletics Javelin Thrower at The Inter Corps Athletics Competition at Tidworth, Wiltshire

The issue is, I don’t need all the reactions that I am having. I only need:

Happiness for them.
Invigoration to write for me.

That’s all I need. I kind of keep chanting that to myself but I need to move forward and keep writing.

Does anyone else have some jealousy when they see friends doing well (that you’ll admit to experiencing)? What gets you motivated to succeed?

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I Can’t: Setting Expectations

“I can’t.”

Two of the hardest words to say or write, especially when we are setting our limits and expectations. We equate them with admission of failure, even when we’ve only been invited for a night out with friends.

They’re words I’ve been saying a lot in the last few weeks. I want one of those shirts I keep seeing among the cast: “I can’t . . . I have rehearsal.” That about sums up my life right now.

I don’t even have the head-space to write. All free time outside of work and rehearsal, I’m thinking about the show. Which is only for the better, as I am writing this on Saturday and Sunday kicks off the madness that is tech week. Also known as hell week, with good reason.

And you know what? I’m fine with this. Because I’m still doing something creative, something I love that energizes me and makes every day exciting. I’ve been given the chance to play an amazing role – something I never would have believed if you’d told me a year ago.

But it has been hard to say no. Saying no to writing is hard, even though I’ve given myself that permission and I truly believe and accept that it is ok. Saying no to time with family or dates with friends. I’ve had to say, “I can’t,” more times than I can count in recent memory.

Those two small words are powerful. They can be freeing. (As opposed to the self-critical, “I can’t.”)

And you will have to use them to protect your creative life, whatever it may be. It’s hard to remember to put self-care first. It’s hard to make creative things a priority when surrounded by a culture that devalues those things.

Life secret: most people will respect the boundaries you set. Even family, if they see that you follow through with what you say. (Of course, there will always be some who don’t, but they’re a whole separate post.)

So set expectations. Your creative life will thank you.

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Time Management Improvement

I had a rough March this year. Nothing bad happened, except that my writing was heavily pushed to the wayside. Along with other important things. I overbooked and overextended myself throughout the month. April arrived on a bad note and I was exhausted.

I remember thinking about Anxiety Ink and the newly launched E.V. Writes during the last week of March. Throughout that month I had to sit in front of my computer on Thursday nights, dead tired, and try to write a coherent post to share Friday mornings on Anxiety. I had to spend late Sunday afternoons, tapping into the miniscule amounts of energy I had left, and write for E.V. Writes. I did it, but I hated creating my posts like that. They lacked thought and depth when I rushed them.

So I came up with a plan. On the first weekend of the month, I would devote myself entirely to my blogs. No other commitments were permitted to intrude. On the first Saturday and Sunday I would sit at my computer until I had enough posts to schedule for the month.

I learned a few lessons April 4th and 5th. The first was not having topics to write about ahead of time made the endeavor difficult. It’s one thing to spew forth ideas you’ve been sitting on; it’s another to come up with ideas and then get them on the page all at the same time. Ultimately it’s creatively exhausting. I managed, but only just.

Now I have my blog notebook on my desk 24/7 and make it a priority to think about topics to explore before the blog weekend arrives.

The second lesson was not switching between blogs while I drafted. Each blog is devoted to different aspects of my head space. It’s difficult enough getting into those spaces and staying there. Moving between them is a nightmare.

April was still a success in my eyes and I was excited to try again in May. Since then the first weekends of June and July have gone by and I’m still keeping strong with this plan. Because it’s working.

There are always hiccups in the road -for instance this weekend I have an appointment Saturday and I haven’t drafted up ideas for posts, luckily it’s a long weekend and I can recover- but I find I revel working like this. My writing style involves initial flares of ideas that I like to let simmer before I put pen to paper. Giving myself extra time to do that throughout the month, and then letting myself filter those paper notes through my keyboard gives me the time I need to implement my ideal three step creative system. The fact that I can even get distance from my piece before editing and updating the night before I schedule is an added bonus.

I like being prepared ahead of time, it takes off a lot of pressure and reduces my anxiety –two things that stifle creativity. Plus, legitimately improving my time management skills is bolstering my writing ego.

I’ve had to decline invitations to go socialize on these designated weekends but it doesn’t feel like making excuses. I actually love telling people that I have writing engagements so I can’t go out. It makes me feel professional and devoted.

This is a big step towards producing quality writing that I can’t wait to apply to my fiction.

My writing calendar.

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Fit to Write

Gotta love when life takes over. I am writing this blog post on my phone while cat-sitting at my mother’s house.

While I had planned to be further ahead and schedule my posts, this week snuck up on me.

One of the things that has taken over my life in the late little while is a preoccupation with fitness. I have fallen to the dark side and I now have a Fitbit. Between counting my steps and tracking the quality of my sleep. It’s been a bit of a black hole, following all the metrics that the Fitbit calculates, but there has been a definite upside; focusing on my fitness has given me more time to be creative.

I have always gotten my best ideas when I’m on the move. Especially treadmills and listening to music. The monotony of what is around me and the heart literally pumping creative blood through me allow me the best time to dream up the next step in my story planning.

Does fitness play into your writing?

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First Line Last Line

There is a lot of hype around the importance of both the first line and last line of a story. These two lines from the entirety of the story, so I have to agree that the hype is warranted.

A first line done well creates a promise. It can set tone, character, world. You don’t necessarily have to follow through on that promise, but that has to be a conscious choice and you need a damn good, plot-relevant reason.

The desire for the “perfect” opening line, however, can be debilitating. All the hype can be harmful if it keeps you from the rest of the story. “Perfect” lines bracketing a mediocre story do not magically transform that story into everything you dreamed it could be. They are art forms in their own right, but still only accents to the story as a whole.

My writer-brain often seizes on opening lines, but they’re rarely so clever and fantastic as I initially imagined them to be. I don’t think I’ve ever kept one of those opening lines in its original form. The more I write, the better those first lines have become, but I still struggle with them.

Last lines? I know of writers who have their last lines before they write the novel. I am not one of those.

I struggle with endings – knowing how much is enough for resolution, but not so much that the reader wonders why it’s still going. I’ve never been in a position of knowing the last line. Until now.

Currently, I am a quarter of the way through the rough draft of a novel. I’m doing that thing no no-name author should do and working on a series. Of seven books. The current project is the third book, and I know the last line.

It came to me last week, and the more I considered it, the more perfect it became. Not only is it a decent resolution for the things I know that will be happening in this book, but it directly feeds into the beginning of the next. Of course, this is subject to change as I actually write the rest of the book, or when I come back for revision, but for now, this feeling of knowing the end is rather amazing.

So, yes: your first and last lines are important, and it’s a relief to know what they are. But what comes between is most important, so don’t let yourself stress over them. That’s what revision is for.

Do you have any favorite opening or ending lines? I’d love to read them. Please share in the comments!

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When the Big Bad Evil Is Done-In Mid Series

Recently, I finished a trilogy in which the big bad evil from book one was destroyed in book two. So when book three came along with the same characters, plus some additional cast, I did raise my brow. This is not the first series I’ve read where this happens although it was my first trilogy to do so. It probably won’t be the last saga I read with this particular arc.

This time around, books one and two led up to a major climax that kept me enthralled until the final page of book two. As usual, in order to defeat the big bad evil the main character performed a major sacrifice. She saved the world for the others, leaving them to deal with what she’d done. They had a lot of things to deal with, let me tell you.

The ending was perfect as far as I’m concerned. Then book three came along.

I must confess here that I am addicted to series because I love following the lives of characters I get attached to. I’m not good at letting go and they make it so I don’t have to. However, when you get rid of the bid bad evil before you’re done your series, you leave yourself open to a few problems.

Here, book three pretty much had to open up an entirely new narrative. Initially, it had to deal with the after-effects of the main character’s sacrifice in detail, which created its own tension but diminished the level of urgency. Books one and two made the idea of the big bad evil winning so abhorrent it only made sense that it should be destroyed at all costs. Book three didn’t have that luxury. It had to not only create all new problems from scratch, it had to do it in one book while maintaining the reader’s interest.

I knew what the characters had to lose if they failed at the end of book two. Before opening book three, I wondered if it could make me worry for the characters to the same degree.

Honestly, the third book of this trilogy was slow going. I enjoyed following the characters as they learned to grapple with their new perspectives, but at the same time the intense introspection did not have me turning the pages like I did before. It’s kind of like the immediacy of receiving an injury versus waiting for it to heal.

What kept me invested in the story –which did pick up near the end– were the characters themselves. Because this particular author is so adept at creating multidimensional characters, I not only felt it was important to find out whether they could make everything work out, I needed to know. Their welfare mattered to me. That bridged books one and two to three.

Source.

If you’re a series writer who has the big bad evil done-in early in your series, or if you’re a stand-alone writer who removes their antagonist in the middle of the book, you have to keep a few extra things in mind:

Your cast has to be able to carry the rest of the books or pages. You have to make it so that your readers are invested in their welfare because they certainly aren’t going to come back or carry on just to make sure your world is ok. They might, and they might not be happy about it.
You have to introduce new tension and stakes. You don’t have to introduce a new big bad evil, but you do have to make the story relevant to the characters. Otherwise your readers will tune out fast.
Don’t be lazy. Yes, your characters have to be stellar, however, don’t rely on well-loved characters or an intricate world to keep your readers reading. I’ve read middle books in series that read like filler because that’s what they are. No tension, no stakes, no goals. The pages just followed the characters and their bumps in the road. It’s boring and borderline insulting to people invested in your books.

There’s my brief take on killing off the big bad evil mid series. It can be done, and it can be done well. It’s difficult, yet presents its own rewards in the long run.

How do you feel when authors you follow take this approach in their work?

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Stress and Creativity

Why oh why must stress and creativity be combined?

I am at home in bed, as I have been for several hours, floored with a migraine. Now, at the tail end, I am ruminating on what has brought this on, how it might be avoided, and what good–if any–I had experienced with it.

And, while, it’s true. Work and life are stressful: bookstore events are starting up again so ordering begins, things are a-changing in life, and deadlines are creeping up on me.

So in a stressful day of no orders going as planned, headaches taking me down a peg, fax machines staging coup d’etats, and incorrect phone numbers leading me on a trail to nowhere, I realized I got a series of story ideas. Right now, they are just a few titles scribbled on a page, a simple interaction between two characters in the rain, and a challenge to write some wildly different characters.

Half of my brain is busy pointing out: “Kate, you have enough on your plate. How about finishing a few things first and then you can start the brainstorming?”

The other half of my brain is: “This will work. This will fit into the wheelhouse of YOU and work out in the end. And who doesn’t love a little reference to old school Sailormoon in there?”

Both sides have points. But who can resist the urge of a new shiny thing to poke at, especially when it is so new that almost any idea can be worked in somehow?

Have you been accosted by new ideas when you really should be slowing down and relaxing into your writing process?

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