Penny Watson's Blog, page 71

It's Romance, People! Romance!

I divide the world into two types of people.

People who can laugh at themselves.

And people who can't.

What I have noticed, in all of my infinite wisdom, is that certain people (regardless of their job status, family background, or financial standing) are blow-hards. They take themselves way too seriously.

There are certain folks who should take themselves seriously.

The president of the United States should definitely take himself seriously. A cardiac surgeon who is about to perform a complex surgical procedure should take himself seriously. A social worker who makes decisions about abusive families should take herself seriously. People making life and death decisions, involved in nuclear physics, and FBI agents should take themselves seriously.

The romance biz....well, let me put it this way. Our genre includes such tropes as missing babies, Sheikhs, and forced seduction. The covers of our books have half-naked guys on the front, liberally slathered up with oil. Our fans have tattoos of fictitious vampires on their bums. In the great scheme of things, I don't think the romance industry ranks up there with medicine, the space program, or law enforcement.

Now, don't get me wrong. I think that the authors who create these books are incredibly hard-working and talented people. I have the utmost respect for my colleagues and all the agents and editors and publishers involved in making this industry successful. It is a very lucrative industry, and it supports a lot of workers. But we can't forget this is an entertainment field. Just like sports, film, and music. These are big business, big money makers, but entertainment nevertheless. Which is why I love actors/musicians/athletes who recognize the absurdity of what's going on around them, vs. the actors/musicians/athletes who buy into their own hype.

Sean Diddy can't laugh at himself. (Have you ever seen a photo of that guy smiling? Seriously?)

Johnny Depp can. And does. All the time.

I love folks in the romance industry who can make fun of themselves, have a good perspective on life, and realize that vampires aren't real.

And, I'm sort of fed up with the romance folks who think they're all bad-ass and "King of the World." For Christ's sake, we have Fabio on our book covers, people! Fabio!

This is a typical scenario at my house....My husband gets home from work and asks how my day was. I tell him I was working on a sexy scene in my WIP. I ask how his day was. He tells me a patient almost died on the table, and he saved his life.

My husband saves patients' lives. And maybe when those people are recovering, they'll read a romance novel for entertainment.

Gotta keep things in perspective.



Penelope

Do You Judge A Book By The Book Or The Author?

For a very long time, my husband and I had a big disagreement. He refused to go to any movie with Cher in it. Why, you ask? He had an "irrational" dislike of Cher....my own quotation marks. Because I happen to like Cher. I think she's sassy, campy, sometimes kooky. All things that I like, and my husband (apparently) did not.

We argued about how you should only judge an actress on her acting ability, and not on the fact that she might wear inappropriate clothing "in real life." My feeling was, at that time, that an actor or singer or author should be judged solely on his creative talents, and any information that may be clouding the issue (he's a philanderer, she's a slut, he's a cheater, "in real life") should be left out of the equation.

And then came the whole "Tom Cruise Debacle."

I saw my share of Tom Cruise movies when I was younger. I followed his personal exploits in the entertainment news. But the deal-breaker for me was the photograph of Nicole Kidman being wheeled out of the hospital after having a miscarriage. Alone. Because her douchebag husband had dumped her and left her to suffer through a heart-breaking loss all by herself. Miscarriage is a touchy subject for me. The only thing that got me through my long string of painful miscarriages was the amazing love and support from my husband. (We now have two fabulous adopted kids, by the way).

After that, I decided never to watch another Tom Cruise movie. (My husband smirked.....See, now you know how I feel about Cher).

I was no longer judging Tom on his acting ability. I was judging him on something else. Right or wrong, I was allowing some other factor to cloud my decision to see one of his films.

In the past, we didn't know diddly about authors' real lives. They lived up on a mountain top somewhere cranking out novels for our reading pleasure. Now, thanks to Twitter, Facebook, blogs, message boards and the like, we have personal access to them every single day.

Which could be a good thing. I "chat" with certain authors on Twitter who are clever, gracious and fun. I love their books, and I am impressed with their public persona (which may also be their private persona, not sure).

However, this can also be a bad thing. Some authors have exhibited extremely poor behavior in public. Dissing other authors. Dissing reviewers. Becoming defensive, rude, and insulting to readers. Perhaps revealing "TMI"....I don't need to know when folks are menstruating, for example (hee hee!).

The new rules about self-promotion on the Amazon message boards have created a whole new dilemma for me. Lots of writers are (publicly) discussing how to "trick" readers, "sneak" in their promotion, circumnavigate the new rules. (Unfortunately, this includes fakes reviews, tagging, etc, a lot of sleazy stuff that makes me uncomfortable). One of the authors I saw contributing to this conversation was someone I read in the past. I really wish I hadn't seen this side of her, because I did truly enjoy her work.

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to read any of her stuff again.

Ignorance was bliss in this case.

Right or wrong, I can't separate the "personal" side of authors and their writing talents. Which means that my barrel filled with "rejects" (Mel Gibson is in there, keeping Tom Cruise company) may be growing bigger and bigger. I'm just not comfortable giving my business to writers who are sleazing around, insulting folks, and/or dinging the reviewing community.

Thank God there are still many professional authors who seem to understand that good manners count for something. Cause they do count for me.

Penelope

A New, Beardilicious Discovery! Elizabeth Lowell and her Medieval Series!

Thanks to the wonderful members of the newly formed Romance Forum Refugee group at Goodreads, I have a huge new list of romance novels with bearded heroes! Dark beards! Blond beards! Dark staches, too! Yee haw!!!!!!!

And thanks to their recommendations, I discovered a new-to-me romance writer who appears to love beards as much as I do. All of her heroes are hairy! Beards, staches, nice furry chests.....yowzah! I am now the official #1, A++ Fan Of Elizabeth Lowell. Where have you been all my life, lady? Her Medieval Series was originally published in the 1990's, so these are "oldies but goodies" which have eluded me until now.

As soon as I read this sentence, I knew this was the book for me....

"Dominic stroked his closely clipped mustache and black beard as he studied her."

Schwing!

Jackpot!

So far I have sucked down the first two books of this series... Untamed (#1), and Forbidden (#2). Coming up next is Enchanted (#3), Simon's story.

All beardy goodness aside, these books are fabulous. Even if they didn't have beardy heroes (whimper, whimper), I would still be in love with them. They are incredibly emotional, intense, sexy historicals. The characters sing...both hero and heroine. The lush settings are beautiful. I am totally digging all the cool stuff about falconry. And the endings are so romantic and satisfying....these are off-the-charts romantic. These books have some of the most swoon-worthy dialogue I have ever seen in a romance novel.

There were only a few things that bothered me. One was jarring POV changes, which I got used to pretty fast. The second thing is the drawn-out misunderstanding (in both books) about the heroine's state of innocence. Nevertheless, I found these books spell-binding, could not put them down.

The second book, Duncan's story, made me fall in love with "The Stache"!! Check out this sentence....

"When his breath and mustache brushed over her sensitive fingers, it gave her a pleasure so great that she trembled." (me, too...hee hee hee!)

My only truly horrified moment was when Dominic shaved his beard off right before his wedding (NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I just pretended that scene didn't happen.

So, guess what I'll be doing this weekend? Reading about the blond-bearded Simon. He better not shave his beard off before his wedding, or I'm gonna get peeved.

Untamed: Grade A
Forbidden: Grade A

Penelope: Grade A (Ha haa, just kidding...oh, what the hell, I deserve an "A" too!)

Happy Weekend,
Pen[image error]

Surreal Moment Of The Week

I met a girlfriend for lunch this week. We got together at a new shopping plaza, which is an "outdoor mall" complex. It's pretty cool. It's set up little a charming little town, with huge pots of flowers on every corner, and bricked walkways for pedestrians. As I was heading to the restaurant, I realized that super loud music was being piped into the plaza. Which was sort of weird for an outdoor space. But the even weirder thing was....they were playing Xanadu by Olivia Newton John! Haaaa haaaa! At an astronomically loud volume. Piped in all over town! It was one of those super strange, surreal moments. I actually stopped on the sidewalk, paused for a moment, said (out loud to no one in particular) "Holy shit. This is Xanadu! I'm having a 1980's flashback!" And then I continued on my way.
Anyhow, needless to say, I am now having a 1980's inspired musical week. They just don't make 'em like this anymore. (Thank God).
Here, for your viewing pleasure, is the wackiest wack ever.....Xanadu!



All My Best,Penelope

Review of Jane Slayre by Sherri Erwin

Jane Slayre by Sherri Erwin and Charlotte Brontë


First, let me say that attempting to do a mash-up of a well-beloved classic takes a ton of guts. Blood and guts and green goo, too. It is a huge undertaking for several reasons. One, folks don't like authors messing with their favorite classic books. Two, seamlessly blending the old text with new text is quite a challenge. Not only does the author need to adopt a new "voice" (that of Charlotte Brontë), but the new material must be incorporated into the classic manuscript in a flowing, non-jarring way. Three, you know damned well that folks will be comparing your book to the classic, which must be intimidating in the extreme. Finally, you have to "make it work" in the immortal words of Tim Gunn. Which is to say, mix horror with historical romance, and make it entertaining, clever, and satisfying.

Having just read the original Jane Eyre for the first time, I was really looking forward to seeing a new twist on the classic. Jane Eyre charmed the pants off me....I loved the romance, I loved the melodrama, and I adored the heroine. I also love quirky unexpected twists in my reading material--taking a children's fairy tale and turning it into a BDSM erotica, creating a book that mixes historical romance with steampunk paranormal comedy (Soulless by Gail Carriger), sexing up the Santa Claus myth (my own book, Sweet Inspiration). So, mixing horror (zombies, vampires and werewolves) into a classic piece of literature seemed like a heavenly proposition to me. Shaun of the Dead is one of my all-time favorite movies. Horror and comedy go together like chocolate and peanut butter, like Sonny and Cher, like Dean Martin and a martini. It's a fabulous combination!

So, did it work? Well, Erwin made a few improvements on the original in my estimation. The pacing is much faster in her book and the story flows better. The incredibly long-winded bits of narrative and dialogue (especially from Rocky McRochester) in the original were at times painful to slog through. Although you get used to it. But for modern readers, we're not really used to that sort of pacing. Erwin's mash-up still manages to keep the "flavor" of the original (with the lush description and heart-felt dialogue) but moves it along at a brisker pace.

Also, let's face it. The original Jane Eyre is not a funny book. Jane's journey is emotionally draining and painful, but wonderfully romantic at the end (just like a good romance should be!). It could have used a bit of comedic relief, which Erwin provides in a most hilarious way. Jane doling out round-house kicks to vampires, lopping off zombie heads and getting sprayed with green goo, and sharpening her wooden stakes, are all wonderful additions to the original story.

I must admit that part of the "magic" of the original book was lost in this version. But two things made it a big winner in my opinion. One is that Erwin kept the ending intact (the HEA)....with a paranormal twist of course. (Poor Rocky McRochester has a bit of furry werewolf-y problem which Jane takes care of). The ending of this story is just as fabulous and satisfying as the original. The most excellent change to the original is how Erwin has transformed Jane into a butt-kicking monster-slayer. It was truly difficult to read about how powerless Jane is at the beginning of Jane Eyre...being abused by the Reeds, Brocklehurst, etc. In Erwin's version, it doesn't take long for her slaying tendencies to kick in, and it empowers her, and the reader, in a fantastic and oh-so-satisfying way.

There were a few things that bothered me. One was having Helen turn into a zombie...I saw that one coming, but since Helen's death was one of the most touching and emotional moments of the original book, I didn't think it was the best place for a comedic reference. Also, some of the best bits in this book are the funny lines....and there just weren't enough of them. There is a time and place for restraint, and a zombified version of Jane Eyre is not one of them! Erwin has a great sense of humor, and I would have liked to see it slip off its leash a bit more. Also, it occurred to me that some juicier love scenes would have been fun. I think Erwin could have taken a few more liberties with the original text, and pushed it a bit more over the top.

All in all, I found this book to be a fun and entertaining twist on the classic Jane Eyre. If any heroine was ever meant to be a butt-kicking vampire slayer, it is certainly intrepid Jane. I am now inspired to read Pride and Prejudice and all the kooky new versions of that book, too!

Grade: B+

Happy Days,
Penelope

Celebrities (And Authors) Behaving Badly

Even though it is in extremely poor taste, I like to visit certain websites that gossip about celebrities. Hey! I also visit websites about birding, dachshunds, and gardening tips, so I'm not all bad! Anyhoo, here is my take on the latest wackadoodle celebrity behavior....

1.) Mariah Carey wins Diva Of The Year. She insisted that her own music be playing while her babies were born. hee heeeeeee...... I know some celebrities have big egos, but that's gotta be right up there. I'm wondering what music selection she will choose for diaper changing.

2.) Jesse James. What can I say? After betraying his wife in spectacular fashion, he decides to write a book detailing the intimate moments of their lives, so he can cash in on her pain and suffering. What a stand-up guy. I love his excuse....Millions of guys cheat on their wives! What a winner. Well, Sandra may have made a whopper of a mistake when she married that schmo, but her adorable newly adopted son is a sweet pea. Go Team Sandra!

3.) Oh, Terminator, how could you? Arnie cheated on his wife with "the help," fathered a child, and kept it secret for ten years. I'm sort of amazed he could keep that a secret. But it's really not surprising. Just disappointing.

4.) When asked about his parenting style, Brad Pitt joked "I beat my kids regularly. That seems to do the trick." Ba dum bum. Okay, not really funny, but good try, Brad. By the way, he is looking REALLY badly lately (see photo below). What happened to Brad Cutie Pie?



5.) As many of you know, I frequent the Amazon Romance Message Boards. The big, breaking news recently is that Amazon finally decided to crack down on the spamming authors and force them to promote only in a designated "Meet The Author" area. These authors are now howling like wounded animals, accusing Amazon of infringing on their right (or is that "write"?) to free speech (hee hee!), convinced that they will never sell another book if they aren't free to pimp on the Ami boards. I have never seen such a bunch of whiners in my freakin' life.

I speak about promotion for writers, and honestly, the behavior I see at those boards could make up a "What Not To Do" reality television show. (Hey, what a cool idea!!!!! We could have hours of footage of folks working on their WIPs, sucking down diet Coke, and.....never mind. Bad idea.) The authors are fighting with readers, each other, complaining, whining, and offering up way too much personal information. Whatever happened to behaving in a "professional" manner? Whey do they feel entitled to free advertising at Amazon?

I published my first book with a very small publisher and had to do all the promotion for it myself (just like those indie authors). And guess what? I worked my ass off, contacting book bloggers, scheduling guest blog posts, blog tours, interviews, reviews, running contests and giveaways, creating a website, purchasing advertising spots, promoting myself (in a good way!) on Facebook and Goodreads, attending meetings, conferences and workshops. My book wasn't even available initially at Amazon, but nevertheless, I still managed to make a bestseller list at Fictionwise during my release month. Why? Because I worked my ass off, that's why! I researched appropriate bloggers who liked my genre and didn't force my book down anyone's throat. At gunpoint. With insults hurled at them.

One word comes to mind when I venture over there: unsavory. And I like Britney! So that's saying something.

On the reading front....I am heartily enjoying Jane Slayre. There is something extremely satisfying about Jane kicking some zombie ass instead of getting crapped on all the time. I love that!

Hope Yinz All Have A Happy Day!
Penelope

Review of Mind Your Own Beeswax by Hannah Reed

One of my favorite things is "light" mysteries...no blood and gore, just a cute storyline, and if there are recipes at the end of the book, I rejoice. I love Annette Blair's Vintage Magic Mysteries, which combine a cute paranormal heroine (who can "read" vintage clothing) with a fun New England setting. I'm a big fan of the Goldy Culinary Mysteries, which follow a caterer in Colorado, and are chock full of delicious recipes at the end of the book. 
So, I was pretty stoked to discover a new-to-me mystery series called "A Queen Bee Mystery" by Hannah Reed. It has a spunky and determined heroine who is becoming a beekeeper, an adorable small town setting, and some quirky characteristics that I really loved. 
One: There are bullets in here! (No, not those kind of bullets! These kind of bullets...The big black dots at the beginning of the sentence.) I am a compulsive list-maker. I have daily to-do lists, goals for life to-do lists, writing to-do lists, and camps-for-my-kids to-do lists. I am a big supporter of lists! In every mystery series, there are sections of the book where the characters sort of hash out the clues, and reorganize their thoughts. You could do this using dialogue. Internal deep POV. Whatever. Hannah Reed just skips all that rigmarole and uses bullets. Love it! I think this is hilarious! She also uses bullets to give us information about beekeeping, facts about morel mushrooms, and pros and cons of Story getting more involved with her boyfriend, for a few examples.I love small town settings and quirky characters. Story has a cute honey shop, filled with gossipy neighbors, young and old. Her boyfriend is a sexy cop. The villain is an old nemesis from high school. This is the perfect setting for a mystery!I am way into learning stuff when I read. (I mean, when I read non-educational books that aren't about turfgrass or something like that.) Since I am an avid gardener, I found the whole beekeeping theme fascinating. One of the plot points is about Story's bees "escaping" their hives to look for larger accommodations. She has to follow the colony and coax them back to her house. It's very cool!As is typical for this type of mystery, there are "romantic elements" but no real romance. Big bummer! Story's boyfriend is a sexy cop, and I wish there had been more romance in the story. But this wasn't a romance, so I can't complain. (Much).All in all, this was a fun, light read. The mystery was nice and compact. The setting was sweet, the quirky characters were plentiful, the boyfriend was hot, the story was informative, and there is even a foot fetish thrown in for good measure. (hee hee....seriously!). There's also a recipe for Honey Trail Mix Cookies at the end of the book, and they look yummy. I will definitely be reading more of these cute mysteries by Hannah Reed.

Grade: B+
Jonesing for a honey bun!Penelope

Beard of the Day

Well, I am certainly glad that Blogger is finally back up and running....sheesh! Otherwise, I would not be able to post about the World Beard and Moustache Championship going on right now. 150 contestants from 15 countries are in Norway this weekend competing in such categories as....Full Beard, Full Beard Natural, Freestyle, and Partial Beard. (This photo is of Jerem Feltman, from Alaska. If you couldn't tell.)

This contest cracks me up. There is a lot of trash-talking going on. Seriously. Check out this link with a fun slide show.

I am still reading Mind Your Own Beeswax by Hannah Reed. It's a sweet little mystery. Next up is Jane Slayre by Sherri Erwin. Hopefully I'll start that this weekend.

Happy Weekend Reading To All!
Penelope

"You're Like The Sweetest Candy, Baby"

Every once in a while, someone in my household (usually my husband or son) will ask me this asinine question.....

"Why don't you get rid of the books in the basement?"

Ha! Never! I respond. One of the greatest parts of having a romantic fiction addiction is "The Re-Read." Yep. I go through crazy jags re-reading all of the Cynster books by Stephanie Laurens. All of the Dark series by Christine Feehan. All of Julie Garwood's historicals. All of Amanda Quick's historicals. Re-reading romance novels is emotionally satisfying. Returning to a book that you know makes you happy, fulfilled, inspired.

The "Re-Read" caters to my emotional state at the moment. Do I need a good laugh? I'll read an Amanda Quick. Do I need lush historical romance? I'll read Stephanie Laurens. Do I need an incredibly cheesy, over-the-top, alpha male-dominated contemporary that equates anal sex with true love and is peppered with lines like "You taste like the sweetest candy, baby"??

Well, then, I'll re-read Wild Card by Lora Leigh!

I know. I should be ashamed. This book is totally ridiculous. But for some God-awful reason, it is one of my favorite re-reads. The hero is a horny Neanderthal, the dialogue is the cheesiest stuff around, and the whole premise that bum lovin' is the ultimate form of intimacy (which is a theme oft repeated in Lora Leigh books) is just utterly, ridiculously insane.

And yet, I love re-reading this book.

What does that say about me? Welllllll......I think the reason this book is so appealing is that I love alpha males. And Noah, the military horndog hero, is alpha with a capital "A".....(for "ass"??...hee hee...just kidding about that).

So, go ahead and laugh at me. I can take it. I love re-reading this cheesy cheesefest, and I am not ashamed.

Much. :^)

Happy Reading,
Penelope

Monday Morning Updates: Vampire Slayres, Bumblebees And Amish Lovin'

I am still riding a romance high after finishing Jane Eyre over the weekend. Sigh. Oh, Rocky McRochester, how I love yinz!
I had a very nice Mother's Day weekend...my husband and kids surprised me Saturday night with 3 bouquets of flowers, a mini chocolate cake, and a sushi dinner. Sunday morning my 8 year old daughter made me breakfast in bed...all by herself. She brought me peanut butter toast, a cup of coffee with cream (just the way I like it!) and a vase of flowers. So cute!
Here's what's next on my reading horizon..... Mind Your Own Beeswax by Hannah Reed--this looks like an adorable mystery. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen--another classic tale I missed the first time around!Jane Slayre by Sherri Erwin--the zombie/vampire mash-up of Jane Eyre...looks great. Jacob's Return by Annette Blair--some Amish lovin', and only .99 on Kindle! Tigers and Devils by Sean Kennedy--another attempt at M/M without undue trauma..hee hee! A Fool Again by Eloisa James--free novella.
Also, this week....hot date with the hubs to see Thor! It's Hammer Time, Baby! :^)

Happy Monday,Penelope