Penny Watson's Blog, page 74

A Startling Sequence Of Events

It all began 24 hours ago....

1.) Got a recommendation for Marti Talbott's Highlander Series. Enjoyed this immersion into Highlander territory, except for one small problem. It's rated G. Finished it by noon. Started to suffer from smutty-romance withdrawal symptoms almost immediately.

2.) Early evening.....Feeling slightly jittery and feverish, visited Twitter.

3.) Saw a tweet from Mandi at Smexybooks with the word "loincloth."

4.) Followed the link (like a lamb to the slaughter).

5.) Quickly perused the review for Island Head by Jill Myles. Saw the words "Tarzan" "T Rex" and "hot smex." Starting shaking uncontrollably.

6.) Skipped over the "C+" rating, and clicked on the Kindle link.

7.) Clicked the "Buy now with 1-Click" at Amazon.

8.) Within a few short minutes I was reading about a Tarzan dude with a loincloth. Breath returned to normal. Heart rate decreased. Anxiety dissolved.

Time elapse between twitter visit and purchase.....tops, 120 seconds.

Conclusion: The internet can be a very dangerous place for romance-addicted gals with an Amazon prime time membership and a Twitter account.


Marti Talbott's Highlander Series I .... Grade: B  (Romantic Highlander setting, interesting characters, slightly confusing storylines, no sex. At all!)

Jill Myles' Island Heat ... Still reading it. Totally wack! Includes the Bermuda triangle, cavemen, dinosaurs, and a hot dude with a loincloth. Right up my quirky alley!

Wondering if there is a Romance Anonymous meeting near me,
Penelope

Shoe Frenzy

Weenie dog shoes! Oh! Oh! Oh! Designer Kobi Levi has some incredible shoe creations, but the Miao 2010 is warming my weenie dog-loving heart. Unfortunately, I'm not sure his creations are actually for sale. It's worth checking out his website to see shoes inspired by Madonna (Blond Ambition) among others (some are naughty!).




Of course, it would suck to pay out the wazoo for these babies, and then have a wayward weenie dog chew the crap out of them.


Suffering From Severe Shoe Envy,
Penelope

Talking To Myself

When Twitter first came onto my radar, I politely dismissed it. Did I really need to know when people were eating their lunch? Walking the dog? Feeling happy, sad, mad? (And, yes, for the record, I have discussed all these topics in 140 characters or less on Twitter in the last year).

However, when I finally took a look at it, I realized it was a lot more than that. It is an excellent way to get book recommendations. It also offers a way to connect with other writers while you're at home, working on your WIP and feeling isolated and alone. Wondering if anyone is really out there. They are. They're on Twitter, and they're posting hilarious Youtube video links.

Anyhow, recently I started getting a bit paranoid about this Twitter thing. Why are some folks not following me? Why are some folks following me and then unfollowing me? Does this dress go with these boots? (I'm channelling my inner 12 year old, since that's what Twitter sometimes feels like.)

Twitter often feels like a one-sided conversation. Because, in essence, that's what it really is if you are following someone, and that individual is not following you. It's freakin' weird. She/He is talking and you are listening. And she/he hears nothing of what you say. Very strange.

The ultimate in dastardly twitter etiquette is engaging someone in a conversation, sometimes on numerous occasions, and then realizing at some point (often when you go to send a direct message) that this particular person is not following you. Makes you feel like you're 12 years old at Friendly's, chatting with a group of girls, and then suddenly one of them whips her entire Fribble all over you. You thought you were buds, but no.....not really.

Here are my critieria for following folks on Twitter....

1.) Common interests (weenie dogs, beards, plants, etc).
2.) Colleagues (book bloggers, writers).
3.) Famous people who don't irritate the sh*t out of me (Spongebob, etc).

Here are my criteria for not following folks on Twitter....

1.) Spammers obsessed with chandeliers.
2.) Call girls named Candi.
3.) Folks who post links w/ pics of naked guys. (Kids in my house, and I share an office with them).
4.) People who use Twitter only for promotional purposes. This includes authors who only post announcements about their books and never engage others in conversation.

When I thought about it, I realized that I actually have no problem with folks unfollowing me. I curse a lot. I am opinionated. I am obsessed with beards, weenie dogs and botany, topics that may potentially be off-putting to certain individuals. So, now when I realize I am following someone who is not following me (who is not a famous cartoon character), I unfollow that person. Having a one-sided conversation is pretty stupid.

I do it everyday with my own kids, and that's enough for me.


Signing out,
Penelope

Monday Morning Updates

Monday morning updates....

1) My 8 year old daughter had her first soccer game this weekend. She was filled with anxiety. Not about her athletic performance. About how to accessorize her soccer outfit. There were actual tears over the fact that her shin guards and socks did not match. At one point the coach asked "Does everyone have shin guards on?" and Nat answered "Everyone but you." I tried to find a good place to hide but it was a wide open field. Even though Nat's team got creamed, she scored the only goal for the Royals. All in all, a nice season opener.

2) As most of you may know, my husband has a wee little fly-fishing addiction. He hired a guide for our up-coming trip to Captiva, and Captain So-and-So just happened to mention that he has been catching tarpon. Much to my husband's chagrin, and in spite of countless trips to the Keys and Belize, he has not yet snagged a tarpon. If you ask him if he's ever caught a tarpon, he will ramble on about how "he made eye contact" with the tarpon, and the tarpon "spit out the fly," how they sized each other up for 14 hours until sundown, yada yada yada, and at the end of the story if you ask "So did you catch him?" he'll shoot you a nasty look and answer "You just don't understand fishing, honey." Needless to say, this latest news about tarpon in them there waters has my husband worked up into a tarpon-fishing frenzy. He has been casting on our front lawn in preparation for the trip - I affectionately refer to this activity as "Casting to Nowhere." Our neighbors enjoy driving by and yelling out "Caught anything yet?" My hubs just ignores them.

3) My preparation for our trip, unfortunately, has involved clothes shopping, one of my most hated activities. Especially if it's for swim suits. Even though I have lost 45 pounds, shopping for swim suits is still a traumatic event. Thank God for Land's End, who has finally figured out that women aren't so keen on wedgies or old-lady skirts. Look what I found in their catalogue this year.....




It's the answer to my prayers! Surfer-style swim shorts. No more wedgies. No more little old lady skirts. Why didn't they come up with this idea sooner? Huh? 
Finally, I am compiling my reading list for Florida. Here's what I have so far....
Dreams of a Dark Warrior by Kresley ColeTouch of a Thief by Mia Marlowe (ARC)The Redhead Revealed by Alice ClaytonToo Perfect by Julie OrtolonScoundrel by Zoe ArcherRebel by Zoe ArcherThis Side of the Grave by Jeaniene Frost
That ought to keep me busy! While my husband and children are trying to catch that elusive tarpon, I will be sipping my fruity cocktail near the pool with my trusty Kindle in hand. I would love some recommendations for a couple of extra books to read. Let me know if you've read something spectacular lately! Especially if it's funny. I'm into funny right now.

All My Best,Penelope

Acrostic Poem By Penelope Jr

Lucky clovers

Excited leprechaun

Prepared to capture

Running after leprechaun

Emerald shamrock

Clever little guy

Having fun
As lucky as can be  Unhappy couldn't catch the leprechaun
Next year, I will catch him

Review of When Harry Met Molly by Kieran Kramer

When Harry Met Molly by Kieran Kramer


For some reason, I had the mistaken impression that this book was a screwball comedy-style historical. Funny, snappy banter between the hero and heroine, etc. Some folks loved it, some found the characters irritating. Anyhoo, this was not what I was expecting. I started to read, and was waiting for it to get funny....waiting...still waiting. Finally I realized it was definitely NOT a screwball comedy. It was actually a sweet and very charming wallpaper historical romance.

(I don't actually think folks used the word "amazing" quite so frequently in 19th century England. But I could be wrong).

I like wallpaper historicals. I'm not one of those readers who requires copious amounts of back-breaking research for my historical romances. I'm also pretty laid back about plot problems. I do, however, expect a lot from the characters. Here's my take on this book....

1. The premise for the story was utterly ridiculous. There is no way in holy hell a gently reared lady would agree to pose as a courtesan for a week-long house party. No. Freakin. Way. Also, unless the hero was a real cad, he would not knowingly put her into a potentially disastrous situation like this. (I was especially uncomfortable with the "kissing closet"....Harry assured Molly the extent of her acting responsibilities would be kissing him in front of the others, and within several hours of arriving at the party she was forced into a dark closet with a stranger for three minutes. Harry wasn't really looking like hero material at this point in the game). Even though I am pretty damned easy about letting dumb stuff go in my romance novels, I had a bit of problem with this. But, I let it go. (Cause I'm easy).

2. In spite of #1, the beginning of the book was still very engaging. I couldn't stop reading it. There is a real charm to the story, and the heroine in particular is wonderful.

3. I LOVED LOVED LOVED how Molly won over the other mistresses. In fact, I found this part of the story more engaging than the romance. Kramer did a superb job with this storyline. The transformation of the haughty, isolated mistresses into a band of friends was simply wonderful.

4. So, here's my big problem. This book wasn't a comedy. It was plodding along nicely, with some sexy scenes and excellent female bonding, and then we hit the big kahuna-ballroom climax. If this book had been a comedy, then the farcical climatic scene at the ballroom probably would have worked. I personally love farce. Emily Bryan has a great farcical scene in A Christmas Ball, and Julia Quinn is also a master at this. However, this book wasn't a comedy and this scene was simply preposterous. (But not in a good way). The villain turns up. His long-lost sister turns up. Molly's father is there. Harry's father is there, who has been supporting the villain's sister who didn't really have an affair with Harry but actually was almost attacked by French soldiers, but her husband didn't believe her and divorced her and she was penniless and taken in by Harry's father, who actually realized he was a hero but never told him he knew, etc etc etc etc, and then the mistress who eloped with Molly's would-be husband showed up, and the would-be husband showed up, and then Harry proposed to some other chick, who turned out to be in love with some other dude, and then the villain says that Harry's brother has to fight a duel with Harry, and then.....oh, never mind.  I'm exhausted. I'm gonna stop now. You get the picture. Everybody but the butler turns up in this scene, and it's nutso. Molly and Harry's relationship grew in a slow and steady way. I would have liked a sweet moment between them as a resolution to the conflict instead of the farce-that-didn't-work.

5. Then, finally, we get the epilogue. After waiting patiently through the entire book for the hero and heroine to "hit a homer" "go all the way" "get down to business" "play hide the salami" etc etc etc, they finally do it. In the kitchen. During their wedding. O-kay. Miss Easy-Peasy Penelope who pretty much lets everything go finally hit the wall. My willing-suspension-of-disbelief had been tapped out already.

6. Concluding Remarks: Kramer is an excellent writer. This book was at times charming and lovely. The characters were, for the most part, very well done. I will definitely be reading more by this author. But even a wallpaper historical can jump the shark.

Grade: B/B-


Penelope

Beard of the Day

Everyone say hello to Aaron Eckhart!

"Hello, Aaron Eckhart!"

Aaron is super happy to be chosen as Beard of the Day. (This photo reminds me of Robert Redford from Jeremiah Johnson). Aaron has a nice burly, bristly beard thing happening here. With just a touch of salt-n-peppa, my favorite.

He has had quite an interesting film career, having starred in such movies as Erin Brockovich, Thank You For Not Smoking, and The Dark Knight. Here are some cool things about Aaron....

1.) He graduated from Brigham Young University.
2.) His first introduction to acting was in a school production of Charlie Brown.
3.) In 1994 he appeared as an extra in....(wait for it)....Beverly Hills, 90210! Brandon! Brenda!

Aaron doesn't look too shabby clean-shaven either. (See photo below).





Here's hoping everyone has a lovely weekend,Penelope

10 Day Countdown

In ten days, Penelope will be here....Captiva, Florida....


Activities planned.....




What? I haven't really thought past this cocktail, okay? Fruit juices are heart healthy.

All My Best,Penelope

Bite Down Brits, Alpha Chick Werewolves, and Horny Gorillas From Outer Space

Sometimes, as I'm reading a book, I wonder how the author composed a query letter trying to sell it. Because the premise is so wacky, it's hard to believe a publisher heard the pitch and then said...."This sounds great!" Here's an example.....


Dear Joe Schmo Publishing Co,

I hope you will consider publishing my story. It's a 30 page quickie about a super horny alpha male gorilla alien dude from outer space who kidnaps an earth girl to use as a sex slave, chases after her in the jungle, and then she gets trapped by a super horny alien plant that fondles her sex organs and tries to suck her dry until she goes completely insane (hence the title Dementia), but then the "hero" finds her and boinks her for most of the 30 pages, and then they decide they are hopelessly in love with each other.

I have been a member of the RWA for 14 years, and I live in Ohio with 37 cats and a pot-bellied pig.

Sincerely,
Susi Q Author



Dear Susi Q,

We'll take it!

Sincerely,
Joe Schmo



The super short quickie (took me about 5-10 minutes to read it, and cost me $4, which was irksome) Dementia was recommended as a "Tarzan and Jane" style book on the Amazon boards. Yep, it had a jungle and a super horny "hero"....and it was definitely a sexy story. It's part of a series, and I'm sure if I had read the rest of this series perhaps this book would have made more sense to me. It was a little too wonky, even for Penelope. Grade: C+


Next update....I read The Art Of Seducing A Naked Werewolf by Molly Harper. Interesting thing about this new series by Molly Harper....these books are written in first person POV, but the first book is written by Mo (non werewolf with a killer sense of humor), and the second book is written in Maggie's POV (she is now the female alpha leader of her werewolf pack). This is the first time I have seen a series where the books are being told in first person POV by different characters, with very different "voices." Part of the reason that How To Flirt With A Naked Werewolf  (first book in the series) was so adorable and cute is that the heroine's voice is spunky, sassy, sarcastic and hilarious. There is a real energy and sparkle to that book. Maggie, the heroine of the second book, has quite a different voice. So this book has a different feel to it. Harper's humor still comes through in this one, but it is not as zingy, not as sparkly. I felt like I was slogging through this one at times....places with too many info dumps, and one of my big pet peeves in romance--the hero and heroine were not together for a big chunk of the book. The best part of a romance is the chemistry between the hero and heroine, not the damned plot. If that's missing, so is the sparkle. This one fell flat for me. Other problems I had with it....not nearly as sexy as the first one, and a huge TSTL moment in the book for the heroine that pissed me off. Right after giving her cousin serious crap about running in the woods alone and almost getting killed, Maggie decides to...go off to run in the woods alone. I was disappointed with this one, but still love the humor of this author, and look forward to reading more of her books. Grade: C+

Finally, huge gigantic thanks to Patti from the blog Book Addict. I was in a foul, horrible mood and asked folks on twitter for a book recommendation to cheer me up, and Patti recommended The Unidentified Redhead by Alice Clayton. This was just what the doctor ordered, baby! So hilarious I could not stop laughing out loud. Alice Clayton accomplished two things with this book that impressed the hell out of me. One, she made her first person POV heroine sassy without being a pain in the arse (I loved her!), and two, she made this book incredibly sexy. It's not easy writing first person POV sex scenes and making them hot. This book was smoking hot, had unbelievably great chemistry between the hero and heroine, fabulous secondary characters, and was chock full of excellent pop culture references that made me swoon. The New Kids On The Block! Cory Haim! So great! I usually hate blond, curly haired heroes, but this Brit was super delish. The scene where they are eating in bed, and she is picking out melba toasts from the chex mix for him, and he is picking out wheat chex for her, and.....OK, you had to be there, but seriously, it's adorable! Any author who can make chex mix romantic is a winner in my book. Grade: A

Sincerely,
Joe Schmo Publisher I mean Penelope

Romance Trading Cards-Orama!

I did it....I jumped on the Romance Trading Card bandwagon. I think this is the cutest promo idea ever. I know you are waiting with bated breath to see my cards for Nicholas and Oskar Klaus, sons of Santa, hotties from the North Pole....

Here they are!






I love these things! Can't wait to collect them from all of my favorite authors. I will be bringing these with me to the NECRWA meeting in April, as well as the National RWA meeting in NYC (June) and the NJRWA meeting in Oct. To see other trading cards, check out the Romance Trading Card website.

Hope you are all having a happy Tuesday!
Penny