Adam Thomas's Blog, page 10

The original Adele Thanksgiving post

Well, last year I decided to shake up the Thanksgiving Adele post by adding another similarly themed video.  Hello – bad idea. (pun/reference totally intended) . This year, I decided NOT to mess with tradition.  Besides, it’s really funny.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks, Adele!

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I’m blushing

The holidays are fast approaching. Next week is Thanksgiving. Crazy, eh? Therefore, I’ve decided to highlight yet another alcoholic beverage quite popular this time of year. Come to think of it, it’s popular year round. I’m talkin’ about wine – that ‘other grape juice’.

I’ve kind of avoided posting about this particular libation because it’s, like, huge. But, I was able to present the vastness of beer in a relatively simple one post format. With wine, I’ve decided to break it up into three groups based on color – white, red, and rose’.  I’m a basic dude, so this works for me.

White wine is my vise and virtue. Red is too much. And, quite frankly, the ‘blush’ variety was never really contemplated.  Until this past summer when a friend introduced me to a rose’ made by a local winemaker. It was quite refreshing. Better yet, I was inspired to forego my trepidation and forge ahead with my postal  presentation.  Besides, rose’ is the least intimidating of the three and may be the oldest type of wine around.

A rosé  is a type of wine that incorporates some of the color from the grape skins, but not enough to qualify it as a red wine. It may be the oldest known type of wine, as it is the most straightforward to make with the skin contact method. The pink color can range from a pale “onion-skin” orange to a vivid near-purple, depending on the varietals used and winemaking techniques. There are three major ways to produce rosé wine: skin contact, saignée, and blending.

wine etiquette

The simple mixing of red wine into white wine to impart color is uncommon, and is discouraged in most wine growing regions, especially in France, where it is forbidden by law.  Translation – no white trash winemaking.

brief blush blurb

Charles Kreck had been one of the first to plant Cabernet Sauvignon vines in California, and offered a friend/visitor a wine made from Cabernet that was a pale pink and as yet unnamed. Kreck would not call it “White Cabernet” as it was much darker in color than red grape “white” wines of the time, yet it was not as dark as the rosés he had known. His friend jokingly suggested the name “Cabernet Blush”. Then that evening phoned Kreck to say that he no longer thought the name a joke. In 1978, Kreck trademarked the word “Blush”. The term remained primarily in the United States until the late 1990’s. After that, prominent French influence persuaded the return to the original reference of rose’.

beyond basics

Beer has its hop. With wine, it’s all about the grape, baby.  The grape variety dictates the type of wine produced.  Well, that and how it’s processed. Countless books are devoted to each of these subjects.  For my postal purposes,  those simple sentences will just have to suffice.

Billy and a bottle

Red wine seems to  be the go to muse for songwriters.  However, leave it to Billy Joel to highlight all three varieties – in the opening verse, none the less.

Cin cin!

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the power of domestic bliss

Being a writer, parent, and, yes, even a retail pharmacist, I watch and listen constantly.  I notice everything.  A good percentage of the time, this is beneficial.  That remaining percent – not so much.  Especially, when it comes to the dreaded ‘back story’. In the retail setting, unnecessary information is often cringe worthy. However, when eaves -dropping on gossip and really unimportant things, it’s rather fun.  Okay, okay.  That can be awful cringey, too.

Prime example – I was at the gym. A workout power couple arrived. Him first – the little bitch shortly after.            Back story – Her parents live in England with lots of money, supporting them both.  Who’s the ‘bitch’ now, dude? Neither probably work. Both think they are better looking than they actually are.  Oh, and their workout – curling their phones,  getting in ‘a set’. Did I mention she’s a baby mama? Yeah … . Probably supported by the State.

See – totally cringe worthy.  Yet, a perfect introduction for my post.

Granted, this particular couple is anything but powerful. Self-absorbed and entitled are better adjectives. Before I ramble on about everything a power couple ISN’T, let me present the true definition –

A super couple (also known as a power couple) is a popular or wealthy pairing that intrigues and fascinates the public in an intense or obsessive fashion. The term originated in the United States, and was coined in the early 1980s when interest in fictional soap opera couple Luke Spencer and Laura Webber, from General Hospital, made the pair a popular culture phenomenon. With regard to real-life pairings, tabloids and the mainstream media have focused on wealthy or popular celebrity couples.

Julius Caesar and Cleopatra – after Caesar, Cleopatra moved on to Mark Antony. Power  hungry, eh?
Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip – 70 years worth of power, baby!
JoAnn Woodward and Paul Newman
David and Victoria Beckham – Posh meets soccer – Spicy
Beyonce’ and Jay-Z
Kermit and Miss Piggy – Miss Piggy has all the power, of course.  Kermie’s just her little … tadpole?!

Honorable mention –

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – still powerful, little honor, but mentionable none the less

At the pharmacy, we- well, okay it is really all me – have singled out ‘special couples’ that are powerful in their own accord. Just like the introductory, disillusioned gym example, each IS a medicated train wreck, neither knowing who the hell is conducting.  “What the fuck happened to the caboose, dear?”

Yes, every couple is damaged and has their issues. Trust me! Fortunately, true power couples have power AND net worth. Shit, our pharmacy wannabes aren’t worth the damn net that catches their sorry asses.

Still, it get’s me through the day.  Recently, we were told by management that we needed to stop ‘talking’ badly about our customers.  I’m not thinkin’ that’s gonna happen anytime soon. There’s such an influx of  good, raw material. Ya’ never know, though.  Corporate suits  entertain us hired help in ways no one ever thought possible.

In a power couple, if one person is flawed, the other person makes up for their weaknesses in strength. Together they are the epitome of what anyone would desire in a relationship.

Ahh, domestic bliss!

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MasterCard moment: time zone nuptials

time difference between MI and AZ : 3 hours (until November 04, that is)

attempts made by hotel employees to ‘shoo away’ cowbirds: 1 – that I witnessed

Cholla Trail on Camelback Mountain length: 1.5 miles

watching a college friend walk his daughter down the aisle: priceless

This was truly a MasterCard moment if there ever was one.  Though, I think I used my Visa debit card more often.  Regardless, this event definitely had television commercial potential.

This was my third time in Arizona. Yeah, I don’t get out much.  To be honest, I’m not a big fan of the state.  I’m a Midwest boy.  But, it was totally nice to get away.  Be that as it may, the whole zone difference thing was a really hard adjustment.  Three hours is quite a cumbersome chunk of time.  I was ready for bed at, like, 8 pm.  I’m gettin’ old, but I’m not that old. Yet! It was all good, though.  After the first night, I was back on track.  Well, as back on track as I could ever be.

Random fact: Arizona is one of two states that does NOT recognize Daylight Savings Time. Come November 04 the difference will only be two hours. Hmm … .  I would still be ready for bed at 8pm. Maybe I am that old?

My hotel was very nice – sprawling compound would be a suitable description.  Instead of being a high rise building, it had only two floors – think motel more than hotel.  Just NOT the motel mentality. The main restaurant was that ‘open’ concept with primarily all outdoor seating. While this was rather refreshing, it allowed for its share of unwanted guests – brown-headed cowbirds. At first, the birds fluttering about, chirping their little hearts out was welcome.  After two minutes, the damn things were fucking annoying – scoping out table scraps when you weren’t even done with your meal.  Tippi Hedren would’ve had some serious PTSD dining at this hotel restaurant.

The Camelback Mountain range creates the valley that is the Scottsdale, AZ area, deriving its name from the unique silhouette cast on the skyline. The Cholla Trail is a 1.5 mile hike to the ‘picturesque Valley view atop the summit‘.* For me, I just wanted something to do outside – 75 degrees and sunny skies at 10am, baby.  It was 43 degrees and overcast back in Traverse City. So you bet your sweet ass I’m gonna be outside. Bonus – access to the range was within walking distance from my hotel. Not a bonus – the Cholla trail was closed that morning. Apparently, there was a rescue in progress. Oh, well. I just walked back to the hotel and slept by the pool.

* direct quote from local tourist guide

This was the first wedding of a friend’s child I was able to attend. Whole new phase of life when ‘the next generation’ starts getting married. This one was extra special – I was the Godfather of the bride. So, being there really was priceless.

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It’s the Great Pumpkin, Adam Thomas

Recently, a friend of mine moved from Chicago to California.  Yeah, everyone tried to talk him out of it. But, it was a great professional opportunity. Despite the obvious reasons against CA, Midwesterners just do Autumn so much better. Case in point – he was quite disappointed when he took his kids to get pumpkins. The closest ‘patch’ was a parking lot.  (Pause) Linus would totally question the sincerity of that location.

Still, it made me ponder the positive potential of pumpkin posting.

personal pumpkin tendencies

My mother-in-law makes the best pumpkin pie I’ve ever tasted. It’s her crust – thick; not too flakey.
A local bakery makes a perfect pumpkin bread.  I look forward to it every Fall.
Not a fan pumpkin pancakes.
I’m not a big pumpkin carver.  I do great prep work.  I can clean out the inside of a pumpkin better than Lucy herself. For some reason though, I just don’t have the patience to carve the damn thing.
As an alternative to carving, I have a floral arrangement placed inside. No snide comments, okay. Ceramic pumpkins work best. Real pumpkins tend to mold quickly.  That’s, like, totally gross.

Random patches

A pumpkin is a cultivar of a squash plant, most commonly of Cucurbita pepo, that is round, with smooth, slightly ribbed skin, and deep yellow to orange coloration.

The word pumpkin originates from the word pepon, which is Greek for “large melon”. The French adapted this word to pompon, which the British changed to pumpion and to the later American colonists became known as pumpkin.

The term pumpkin has no agreed upon botanical or scientific meaning. That’s kinda harsh.  I’m sure Linus would completely disagree.

All pumpkins are winter squash and native to North America.

The Belgian man set a world record with a super squash that weighed 2,624.6 pounds.  The North American record is 2,261.5 pounds.

color me pumpkin

The color of pumpkins derives from orange carotenoid pigments.
An unripe, giant pumpkin begins life a bright yellow color. As it grows, it gradually turns a pale yellow, and finally some shade of orange. There is also a variety that ripens to yellow.
Casper and Baby Boo are the most common white pumpkin varieties. Very appropriate, eh?
A Blue Pumpkin is often referred to as Australian Blue Pumpkin, or Jaradale. However, it more closely resembles a Turban squash than a true pumpkin.
There truly are red pumpkins. The best known, yet hard to find  variety is “Rouge D’Etant”. There is also a variety called “Cinderella”.  That’s kinda’  fun. Though Sally probs has something to say about that.

parting pumpkin seed

Fun fact – Actually, it’s a stupid tidbit. Every time I watch the Charlie Brown Halloween Special, I fall asleep.  No idea why, but I do. The DVD cartoon is like 23 minutes long.  How is that possible?

Halloween is next week. So, my timing is spot on.  But according to Linus, it’s all about “publicity“.

Good grief! I’m doomed.

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timing-delivery-content

Good News – my son came home for a weekend visit.  With him, arrived a plethora of new topics to blog about.  Honestly, that plethora is limited to this one post.  But, it’s a solid. I’ll take anything I can get, especially considering current post ideas highlighted Hot Air Balloons and oatmeal.  (Pause) I do like to keep things balanced, though.  And random. So, it’s all good.

Recently, he saw a stand-up comic perform. Since he turned 21, my son is frequenting his share of hot spots, enjoying the perks of this wondrous ‘age’. (insert: heavy parental sigh) Then, he showed me some highlights of other performers he has followed. I was intrigued.  My interest was piqued when we realized the concepts in a stand-up comedy routine are applicable to almost every aspect of , well, Life.  It’s all about delivery, timing, and content. Well, that’s what my son surmised.  Coming from a 21 year old, that’s pretty damn insightful.  Though, he hasn’t made the correlation between the two just yet.  That was all me, baby.

Before I begin to ramble about this revelation, let me present some uncited, yet formidable ‘tips’ from veteran stand-up comedians –

Allow ideas to evolve and flow
Write everyday – pick a Point of View and find the comedic conflict
Don’t worry about spelling or grammar – why would you? It’s a routine.
Don’t memorize every word of your performance – spontaneity and improvisation are crucial
Break down the fourth wall – No idea what this is, but it sounds ominous.
Balance writing and performing
Don’t be a jerk

CAUTION – Non-politically correct material included. It’s really funny, though.

 

My son and I disagreed slightly about the order of importance regarding the three crucial elements: timing- delivery – content. He felt delivery edged out timing. Only by a small margin, though. I countered. You can always have delivery, but without timing, delivery can be a total fail.  Timing truly is everything.  It’s like this annoying genetic trait inherited by those lucky few people I hate so much.  Just kidding.  I’m just totally jealous. My timing issues, or lack there of, are well documented.

Content, we decided, was the least important of the three. Sad, but true.  And, I’m a writer.  It doesn’t matter how stellar the content, if the timing and delivery aren’t there, you ain’t got shit.  Quite frankly, there are countless examples where mediocrity thrives just because of impeccable publicity. Crazy, stupid shit goes viral constantly. Thankfully, the ability to sustain the hype ultimately relies on content. (heavy sigh of relief)

Take it from someone who’s been in the trenches for some time – timing really is everything.  I realize that my content is often marginal, and often ‘niched’. But, it’s improving. Fortunately, I’ve got persistence and longevity, baby. My time will come. My Life will no longer be a Fictionalized Memoir.  It will be a well deserved reality.  And, that’s  A Promise.

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A.I.R.

A- Annual

Truthfully, ‘A’  should stand for Angry. More often than not, I’m too angry. That’s not always fun to read.

Regardless, it’s that time of year – flu shot season.  I hate flu shots. Personally, I don’t think retail pharmacists should be required to administer vaccines.  It’s just dumb.  However, filling prescriptions doesn’t ‘pay the bills’ anymore for corporate suits.  At least, I get to stab people with a sharp object, eh?!

A new bad boy vaccination has been introduced to the Senior community – Shingrix. Unfortunately, it’s more a of shit show than the ‘get a shot, give a shot’ gimmick.

I – Immunization

Shingles is a reactivation of an original chickenpox infection that travels down a dermatome (an area of the skin supplied by nerves from a single spinal root) and causes rash and pain. It’s a common infection—roughly 1 in every 1000 people every year in the United States will suffer shingles. Usually, shingles occurs in those over 65 years of age.  The pain of shingles is one of the worst pains in medicine.

In 2006, the first vaccine to hopefully prevent shingles was introduced – Zostavax a live, weakened form of the chickenpox (varicella) virus. The efficacy of Zostavax against rash was about 51%.  The vaccine was frozen.  Once thawed there was a thirty minute window for injection.  From a retail pharmacist perspective, administration was a timing cluster fuck.

Recently, in October 2017, another shingles vaccine was licensed and recommended. It’s called Shingrix, and it’s made in quite a biologically different manner. Instead of being a whole weakened form of the virus, it’s just one protein that sits on the surface of the virus—the so-called glycoprotein E—and then two adjuvants are used.

The efficacy of Shingrix against rash is supposed to be in the mid- to high 90% range, for all age groups—even for those over 70 years of age.

This vaccine can be given starting at 50 years of age;
It’s a two-dose vaccine, with the second dose being given 2-6 months after the first
Since it is NOT a live virus, it’s not frozen and has similar storage parameters as other vaccines.

Paul A. Offit. Shingrix: Is the Hype Justified? – Medscape – Feb 13, 2018.

I decided to cite this source. I was going to include the link as well.  Whenever I attempted to re-enter, I was often blocked, requesting me ‘To Join’ . I would not subject readers to that shit.

R – Rant

First, let me qualify something – vaccinating against Shingles is a good thing.  Shingles sucks. I just hate being the one giving the stupid shot. Ironically, there isn’t even any damn vaccine to administer. From what I understand, the manufacturer underestimated the frenzy, therefore creating a shortage. I actually heard the Drug company intentionally manipulated the supply to increase demand. Totally bullshit in my opinion. What makes the whole situation unbearable is the fucking Seniors who would literally sacrifice a loved one for a single ‘hit’ of Shingrix.  And, they’ve already been immunized with Zostavax.  Shit, man. It’s worse than a limited supply of Viagra in the Villages, FL.

I could go on, but I’m better now. I’ve released my … A.I.R. Besides,  Shingrix is on Back Order for another 2 weeks. Again. So, I’s am breathing much easier.

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Ode to Etiquette

My youngest daughter had two friends over for supper recently. Let’s refer to them as Harry and Henrietta for posting purposes.  Both have eaten at our house numerous times before. More often than not, the kids  eat outside on the grass or sit on the basement floor. However, since it was a little bit more formal this time around, they sat at the kitchen table. My wife and I ate elsewhere; close enough to listen, but not contribute to their conversation, of course. First, I should qualify ‘formal’.  Remember, it’s me.  I am the least formal person around.  Though, I do clean up quite nicely. Secondly, I made a beef vegetable soup that warranted the appropriate seating.

The dinner progressed nicely. Well, until my daughter started to … eat, that is.  Let’s just say she has quite the causal flare when dining. Translation: table manners are generally non-existent.   In her defense, soup isn’t the easiest to eat. And, the croutons on the salad… .  Yeah, neither are those.

She’s fifteen. It’s all good.  Besides, I AM her father.  That genetic misfortune is all me, baby. You can always figure out were either of us sat during a meal. There’s like a buffet of crumbs scattered about our chairs and surrounding floor.

As far as her friends are concerned, Henrietta is quiet and adequately mannered.  Harry, on the other hand, dines as if he went to finishing school.  He is a very proper, nice young man.  It’s rather refreshing, especially  considering today’s teen mindset.  When my daughter dropped yet another crouton in her lap, Harry chided her … technique.  Friendly banter developed.  Moments later, my daughter marched out of the room and returned with a book about etiquette written by the Emily Post.  This is a the same book that inspired Faux Pas back in November 2013, by the way.  The banter quieted. Temporarily. Then, Harry asked my daughter if she had actually read the book. (pauses emphasized) She, of course, had not, stating the genre was of no interest. (sarcasm implied) You go, gorl! Then something peculiar happened. Instead of welcoming additional banter, she politely asked Harry for a few pointers. (Side note: Croutons really are a pain the ass to eat.)

Later that evening, my daughter and I drove our ‘dinner’ guests home.  I looked for an opportunity to apologize to Harry for my daughter’s oversights. Honestly, it would be my parenting that was primarily at fault. No such opportunity presented itself.  After I thought about it, I was content.  I didn’t feel the need to apologize.  My daughter is a good kid who will grow into an exceptional adult.  Her blatant disregard for table manners is probably more of a conscious decision than anything. She’s fifteen. Soon it will no longer be ‘fun’ or ‘rebellious’ or whatever the reasoning.  Yes, she will still have her moments.  She is MY daughter.  Once again, I’m content. In the scope of parenting, there are much worse things to worry about.

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bumper stickers and billboards and bargains

I have officially left ‘Kansas’. Translation: I’m transitioning. That’s more of an ‘Oh,my‘ than the Wizard could ever bestow. Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with my professional existence.  The transition refers to my marquee based posts.  Like I stated a few months ago, sign lady is back.  Sadly, her wit has NOT accompanied her return.  Maybe she is more like that steel trap than anticipated – very rusty and illegal in 39 states. Considering the fact that she had only one funny ‘proverb’ which warranted inclusion, I had to look elsewhere.

Bumper-stickers

Being politically correct, doesn’t mean you  ARE correct.

Wow! Where do I begin? Honestly, my comments will be few.  First, that is such a controversial topic – well beyond the scope of this post AND blog, for that matter. Second, I avoid anything political.

But, I will say one thing.  Just like everything else, political correctness has gotten out of hand.  When did everyone get so fucking sensitive?  Pansies.  It’s ridiculous.  Quit complaining and shut the fuck up!

and billboards

This space available.

During my travel hockey days, I drove. A lot. Hence, I saw my share of billboards.  The majority were ads/promos for various state attractions. Few were funny by any means.  Hockey travel is over.  Now, I don’t get out much.  I always liked the idea of billboards and wanted to include one here.  But, for the life of me I couldn’t think of any that were suitable. I could’ve googled examples, but that would be wrong. I do have standards, ya know. Therefore, I’m keeping my options open. Regardless of anything else, it gave me a great idea for a musical selection to accompany this post.

and bargains

Today’s special: Buy two items – pay full price for both.

That’s fucking hilarious.  Sign lady done good with this maxim. I am the shopper for the family.  Sales make me crazy.  Correction – what retailers do to fuck with pricing to influence spending makes me crazy.  It would be way too simple to walk into a store and  buy something that is actually on sale. (pauses implied). Instead, you either have to have a Rewards card or coupon that’s only available on-line. Best part – you don’t know you need the damn coupon until you are at check-out.

True story – I needed a throw rug for the garage entryway.  So, I went to an upscale retailer.  I found exactly what I wanted. And, it was advertised as being ‘On Sale’. Little did I know that the ‘Sale’ didn’t start for two weeks.  However, I could still buy the item for the SALE PRICE that day BUT, I  needed to return two weeks later when the sale actually started to pick the item up. (more than ever – pauses implied)

How twisted is that shit?  Aunt May would never comply. Lions, and tigers and bears are nothing compared to bumper stickers, and billboards, and bargains.

Oh, my!

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Oatmeal – basic and free from anecdotal word play

I wanted a humorous introduction for this post. Unfortunately, nothing about oatmeal is funny.  Think about it – the staple manufacturer is Quaker. (pause) I’ve heard the saying ‘sow your oats‘ plenty of times over my fifty three years.  Not directed at me, mind you.  I searched for the correct, non-Urban Dictionary meaning of the phrase. I was wondering if I could skew those words a bit to facilitate my postal needs.  Well, let’s just say, there is NO skewin’ them words.  They kinda ‘skew’ themselves, eh? Alas, my introduction will be like oatmeal –  basic and free from anecdotal word play.

I pretty much like everything associated with oatmeal. However, I knew very little about this grain. So (pun intended), here’s a harvest of oat knowledge –

noun – Sorry, I’m a writer. 
Avena sativa – (genius, species – of course) Science is, like, the root of pharmacy, okay?! 
cereal grain grown from seed
the hulled kernel of the oat is called a groat – which is an awful word, by the way!
grown in cooler climates and can be planted either in autumn or  spring

The Difference Between Steel-Cut, Rolled, & Instant Oats

Steel Cut Oats

Also called Irish or Scottish oats. This type of oatmeal is processed by chopping the whole oat groat into several pieces, rather than rolled. Steel-cut oats look almost like rice that’s been cut into pieces. This variety takes the longest to cook, and has a toothsome, chewy texture that retains much of its shape even after cooking.

Rolled Oats

Old-fashioned or whole oats, rolled oats look like flat, irregularly round, slightly textured discs. When processed, the whole grains of oats are first steamed to make them soft and pliable, then pressed to flatten them. Rolled oats cook faster than steel-cut oats, absorb more liquid, and hold their shape relatively well during cooking.

Instant Oats

Instant (quick) oats are the most processed of the three oat varieties. They are pre-cooked, dried, and then rolled and pressed slightly thinner than rolled oats. They cook more quickly than steel-cut or rolled oats, but retain less of their texture, and often cook up mushy.

Baked Oatmeal

This recipe was passed on to me from a friend. It’s an amazing alternative to the stove top version. Great for cool fall mornings.

1/2 cup oil (I use 1/4 oil and 1/4 applesauce)
3/4 brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoonfuls Baking Power
1 teaspoonful salt
3 cups Oatmeal – works best with Old Fashioned Oats
1 cup milk

Mix first three ingredients well. Sift together baking powder, salt and Oats. Combine, add milk, and stir to blend. Pour into lightly greased 8 x 8 baking dish. Bake in 350 degree preheated oven for 35 ish minutes or until golden brown.

This cookie has crumbled

Even though the above creation is quite wonderful, oatmeal based cookies remain my favorite.  I have a Cowboy Cookie recipe that is the total bomb.  The dough is really good to eat.  Consequently, the 4 dozen finished product estimate is never attained.  But then, neither is the ‘stays fresh for 3 days‘ disclaimer.

Keep calm and … sow oats?!

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