M.J. Blehart's Blog, page 97

My next novel

I am in the process of editing my next full-length novel.

This is a follow up to the 2nd short story I wrote that was published in the anthology Spells and Swashbucklers.  The Vapor Rogues is my Steampunk/Fantasy story, for which I built a really detailed world.

The world I created was so rich that I felt the need to expand upon it.  As such, I have completed a first novel for a Steampunk series.  Clouds of Authority – A Vapor Rogues Novel will be available in early May.  Further, I will be doing a reading from the novel at the Steampunk Worlds Fair in Edison, NJ on the weekend of May 13th – 15th.

I will be sharing more details about this here, soon, though there is some information on the world (along with some crude drawings and other art) to be found at my Vapor Rogues website.

Here’s the thing.  This is a traditional novel, and will probably be in the neighborhood of 450 or so pages long.  I have come to realize, though, that I could easily split it into two parts and share it that way.

SO, I am asking, as readers, what would YOU like to see?  Please take a moment and fill out this poll:

Take Our Poll

Thank you for your continued support!

Pathwalking 224

I am not a fraud.

Why am I stating this?  Because I am sitting here in front of my computer, and struggling.  What am I supposed to be writing about this week?  What words of wisdom should I be sharing?   Why do I feel like I am a big fat liar?

For over four years I have been writing about this notion of walking my own path and finding my own way in the universe.  For over four years I have discussed ideas and means and methods and laid out plans and notions to take actions and make this happen.  I want to live a life entirely of my choosing and not being forced to let life live me.

Why do I constantly feel like I am a liar?  A failure?  A fraud?

I think the answer is societal influences.

I am in my early forties.  According to our society’s norm, I should be mid-career, established, doing the thing.  I should probably have a kid or two, and I should be working on setting aside things for my eventual retirement.

Suffice it to say, that’s not me.

All my life I have tended to not quite do what was expected of me.  As a teen I didn’t play along with my local Jewish community like everyone else did.  I was never part of any “in” crowd.  I chose to travel halfway across the country to attend college and I chose to major in a specialized artistic degree program.

Corporate America and I have never quite gotten along.  I am a lousy drone – when I see a status quo that I find fault with I tend to want to fix it or work around it.  I don’t like having to push for sales.  I can work in a team perfectly well, but if my leader is inflexible I will likely butt heads with him or her if we’re not on the same page.

I have chosen to find alternate employment.  I like small companies that need generalists who can do a ton of different things and switch gears quickly and easily.  I like to use my creativity on any and every level I can.  I like learning new and different things along the way.

However, because of this, I never stay in the same place for very long.  Most of the time this has been due to my own need for change, my own restlessness.  Sometimes I failed at the job and was let go.  Sometimes I just got frustrated with an inability to advance or be creative or outright displeasure with what I was doing and left for hopefully greener grass and sunnier skies.

With two exceptions, I have never been at the same job for more than three years.  I graduated college twenty one years ago.  My resume is colorful, to say the least.

Based on what this society expects of a man my age, I often find that I feel like I am a failure.  When I perform my volunteer job as a leader in a business community, I find that I feel like I am a fraud.  When people look to me for advice I find that I sometimes feel like I am a liar.

However, I need to more readily accept that this is all untrue.  Society is not whom I am living this life for.  I need to be true to myself, and when I apply that to how I am seen I can view my successes.

I have written five complete novels and three novellas.  I’ve gotten two short stories published and I have self-published two novels, a novella, and the first year of Pathwalking.  I’m about to publish a third novel, and I am in the middle of two more.  I have an idea for another story I am considering working on.

I blog twice a week regularly, sometimes more.  I do basic tech support for friends, family and the job I’ve been with on-and-off for more than twelve years.  In my hobby I have been recognized for the work I do and I teach my favorite game, and teach it well.

I may not be in a standard career earning a standard living like other men my age as society would expect me to be.  But I AM making my own choices for my life, and since I began to really work with this and to walk paths of my own choosing I have never been happier.  Of course I have moments of doubt, and feelings of inferiority, but in truth life is good.  I have amazing friends and family who support my unconventional ways, and I live life true to who I am.

Yup, it’s imperfect.  Yes, I am going to sometimes feel like I am flailing, failing, and unworthy.  I alone can control how I feel, and I choose to not accept these feelings of being a lesser person.

I am not a fraud.  I am not a failure.  I am not a liar.  I am the person I have chosen to be, and the genuine article as such.  I am a success, albeit in an unconventional manner.  I am not a liar, I make no bones about being the weird, geeky, odd-looking, unique individual I have become and continue to evolve.

I have set more active goals for myself this year.  Through this I am seeing ways to adjust my life that will allow me to accept myself for who I am and who I am choosing to be, and to disregard feeling like I am letting anyone else down.  I have chosen to work on finding and walking my own paths, and I need to not care what anyone else things of that.  I alone feel how I feel, and if I allow any entity, person, or society affect that I can change it.

I am genuine, not a fraud.  I am a success, not a failure.  What you see is what you get, I am not a liar.  I continue to work to better myself, and to take care of and be there for the people in my life.

Thanks for riding along on this crazy ride.

How do you feel about yourself?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 14:

Diet: I continue tracking my intake, and working to cut back just how much I am eating overall.

Exercise: Fencing happened and I got to the gym three times.  I spent another day on my feet and running a whole bunch, too.

Writing:  Four days of writing and editing.

Meditation: I spent at least 2 minutes meditating five days last week.

Gratitude: I wrote out 5 things to be grateful for every day last week.

Progress continues.

 

This is the two-hundred twenty fourth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Positivity: Possessions

While it is nice to have things, the reason for the having is far more important.

The things we have, the possessions we own can be a source of good in many respects.  And there will always be things we need versus things that we desire.  Things can be a source of positivity, but it is not the thing itself that has that power.

The material things we have generally fall into three categories.  Things we need, like food, clothing, and shelter and the like; things that make life easier or more convenient like transportation, computers, mobile phones and various data devices; things we want, like boats and fancy cars and game consoles and other toys to enhance the lives we live.

We all want different material things.  Whichever of the three categories they fall into, what we want is different.  We don’t all want the same clothes, we don’t all eat the same foods and we have different needs for the where and configuration of our shelters.  Among the conveniences we get into the popular Apple vs PC debate, some people want motorcycles and some want sedans.  Even the additional things we want vary, because we all desire different toys to enhance our lives.

The important thing is that no matter which of these three categories we look at, the things we want are of less import than the feelings they will generate.  Things give us feelings, which we often overlook or disregard.  More often, though, we think the having of certain things will make us feel a certain way, which is actually backwards.

When it comes in particular to the desires we are frequently led to believe that the thing will make us feel a certain way.  Having the thing will make us more popular or better regarded or will improve our life in some way, and thus make us feel more happy and joyful and excited.  But in truth, when we feel more happy and joyful and excited by our lives it actually gives the thing desired the value, not the other way around.

When you give and feel more positivity you get and feel more positivity.  When we want more things or new things or designer things it is important to feel gratitude for the things we already have.  When we have no gratitude for the things in our lives we are unable to draw new things.

Why do you want a new car?  Because it will make you feel safer and freer, maybe?  Why do you want a new home?  Because it will make you feel more comfortable and more content, perhaps?  The thing itself is not what is important, it’s the emotion generated by the having of the thing that matters.

Gratitude for what we have now is important to having newer or different things.  Additionally, it’s hugely important to recognize that we are not in competition.  We don’t all want the same things, so why do we so readily believe that we have to compete with one another to acquire and have them?

The important question is how will having these things make us feel?

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that we all want and need things because of the feelings they create within us, we can be grateful for what we have now.  When we are grateful for what we have now, but acknowledge what having different things will mean to ourselves on an emotional level, we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

 

This is the one hundred fourteenth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 223

There are a lot of different things on my mind, and it is causing me to lack in focus.

Some are pretty big picture, way out of my personal control matters.  Some are very much in the here-and-now.  And some are dreams, desires and destinations I want to reach.

Everybody gets caught up in this.  We all have personal matters, professional matters, and worldly concerns.  As I analyze this, I am beginning to think that we often allow the things that are furthest from our control to be the center of our focus, and wind up not where we actually want to be.

Take elections, for example.  Nobody anywhere in the world looking at the American election process happening right now isn’t disturbed.  This is just so ugly.  There is little to no civility, the discourse is almost anti-intellectual and the mechanics of the whole show are pretty unpleasant.  It is a topic that will spur discussion and argument and garners vast amounts of attention.

Beyond the elections there are some other pretty awful things getting attention currently.  Restrictive, backwards laws being enacted, open racism, bigotry and outright hatred being spewed and laws being made to support this ugliness.  Can’t turn on the news, scroll through any form of social media or even hold a topical discussion without being exposed to these things.  Liars, cheaters, scam artists, people who want to control everyone else are always being pointed out to us.

I’m not even going to go into global matters.

Suffice it to say, most of these things are WAY beyond my control.  I can’t do anything about them, except to vote in said elections, maybe campaign for people I support, maybe write editorials and letters about the things I am finding disturbing.  But apart from that, this is something I cannot control.

Except for how I let it affect me.  If I talk about it, explore it, focus on it and give it energy, then let it upset, depress or anger me it becomes my problem.  It distracts me from the things which I should focus on, which can help me to change the bits that will most impact me.

One of the challenges I am constantly faced with is striking a balance.  How do I balance out my focus so that the things I should be working on and with get more of my attention?  How do I take my mind off the things I really can do very little about, and to work on the things I can take control of?

This is a part of why I have been working on daily meditation.  Every time I quiet my mind in this manner I reset my thought process.  I can still the anxiety, the concern, the depression and hit the reset button.  I can make use of meditation to refocus my attention towards more of what I need to improve my situation.

But when I am just doing the things I do daily, and I am not in the process of meditating, how can I better keep my focus on the things I can control?

This is the problem I am having in finding and maintaining my focus.  I scroll through social media sites, I hold conversations with friends about the happenings of the world and I get distressed.  I start to feel bad, anxious, unhappy.  And I know I need to find ways to change that and turn my focus and attention to things I can control.

So how can I work with this?

First – I need to spend less time reading through social media.  I don’t need to scroll all throughout my Facebook feed and see all the news posts.  I know this.  I need to do a better job of acting on this.

Second – I need to stop more frequently and ask myself How am I feeling?  If the answer is not good, well, content, or happy I need to ask myself Why am I feeling this way?  It won’t take too long, but it will change my focus and I think it will allow me to get a better handle on what I am thinking about because of what I am feeling.

Third – I need to work on my intentional actions.  I need to not just do things for the sake of doing, but because I want to do them.  I need to look at my options more and make choices that will help me to feel good, to keep my thoughts clear and to get me to the places I want to be in this life.

With all three of these the important thing is the doing.  They are here, they have been written – now I need to truly ACT on them and make them happen.  Back away from all the time online.  Ask the questions about my feelings more regularly and work on keeping my thoughts and feelings in the positive.  Explore the available actions to me that will tie them all together and allow me to well and truly choose and walk the Path I most desire.

Nothing to it but to do it.  Do or do not, there is not try.

What do you do for your focus?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 13:

Diet: I’m still tracking my intake, and working to cut back my carbs and sugars.

Exercise: Fencing happened twice, and I got to the gym four times.  I again exceeded my goal, and am happy about that.

Writing:  Five days of writing and editing.

Meditation: I spent at least 5 minutes meditating six days last week. I did not find or make time for mediation during the weekend.

Gratitude: I wrote out 5 things to be grateful for three days last week.  I want to work on doing three to five things daily.

Progress!

This is the two-hundred twenty third entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Positivity: Kindness

A little kindness could change the whole world.

With all the animosity, racism, sexism and outright hatred being shouted so loudly of late, we each need to do our part to show more kindness.  This could change everything.

I think it’s safe to say that we all want to live decent, comfortable, happy lives.  I don’t know anyone who wants to struggle, or to be in a constant state of fear, or to be miserable.   I think that some people hate like they do because they are afraid, because they feel intimidated and disempowered, so they channel anger and hostility because that makes them feel something more powerful than the powerlessness of fear they don’t recognize for what it is.

We all can do something about this.  Instead of spreading intolerance and being harsh, we can take a moment to be kind.

People can be infuriating, both on a personal and a global scale.  I often say that while I like certain individual people, over all the human race disturbs and distresses me.  That is an unfair statement on my part, and I need to practice more kindness myself.

Why?  Because directing meanness at someone usually creates more hostility and anger and hate.  Why do we think that more hate is the answer to hate?  We need to practice kindness, because that is what I am pretty sure we would all prefer.

Consider this – you wake up in the morning feeling out-of-sorts.  You’ve slept poorly, you go to work and you join everyone complaining about the upcoming elections.  This is unfair.  That is terrible.  Why will no one do anything about this issue?  How does that make you feel?

Now consider this – you wake up in the morning feeling out-of-sorts.  You’ve slept poorly, and you go to work and ask your coworker how their weekend was.  How are your friends and family?  Want to get a cup of coffee?  Want to split a donut with me?  Let me help you with that bag.  Wasn’t that episode of that show awesome?  How does that make you feel?

This is not a grand, sweeping, ginormous change we have to make.  It’s a matter of redirection.  If we want to experience more acts of kindness in our lives, we need to give more kindness.  It costs nothing, but it is priceless.  Kindness is nothing but positivity, and I am pretty sure we can never have too much of that.

Acts of kindness are empowering.  The more we empower others, the more we empower ourselves.  I can see only good things that will come of that.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that we all want to experience kindness from the people in our lives, we can work on practicing more acts of kindness ourselves.  When we are kind to the people around us, friend, family, or random stranger, in empowering them with kindness we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred fourteenth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 222

It is important to leave the past in the past.

As much as I am never one to hold a grudge, I do still hold onto many things from my past.  And unfortunately, not in a good way.

We always can learn from the past.  The key, however, is to not take it with you into the present and on to the future.

Let me explain in more detail.

When I went to college I began with zero direction.  I jokingly told my father I intended to major in procrastination and hesitation with a minor in bureaucratic red tape.  Despite choosing an actual major and a couple minors along the way, I do believe I may have gone with the hesitation aspect of that jest.

I majored in theatre.  Didn’t enter that particular job market.  I minored in art history and audio production, focused on radio.  Tried to enter professional radio, but I was unwilling to relocate to the boonies for any-old job I might get as a DJ.  Apart from interesting trivial facts, only made some use of the art history minor in my hobby.

I bounced from job to job after college.  Never really found a niche for myself that made me happy.  One or two jobs felt they have had potential but they either didn’t pan out for some reason or turned out to be something otherwise.  My resume is a hodgepodge of experience that to some potential employers shows a multitasking mastermind while to others it’s an erratic generalist who might be a jack of all trades but a master of none.

Over four years ago I began to explore this concept of Pathwalking.  I decided I was done just going along and doing whatever and being unhappy and I wanted to make my own way.  A lot of good has come of that.  I got into a stable relationship and am now married, for example.  I have completed and published several books.  Overall I have been happier with my life than I had been for a long time.

Recently I have been struggling some.  Last week I mentioned my anxiety issues.  I’ve written about dealing with depression.  I am coping with a couple situations that are causing me considerable consternation, and I think one of the reasons for this is past outcomes I am not letting go of.

My work history, for example.  Apart from one job, I have never really worked in the same place for more than two years.  The one job that is the exception I have been at for 12 years.  However, that involved long periods of being part time or on-call, consulting with them, but also about 3 years full time.  Relatively sporadic.

I have written out what to me would be the perfect job.  And low and behold I actually landed it, or so I thought.  Started out as I envisioned, but quickly turned to something very different.  My supposed conscious creation was not what I wanted, and while its ending upset me, it was for the best.

I’ve manifested what I needed and wanted before, because in those instances I wholly focused on the present and let go of the past.  There was only the now, and the outcome I wanted.

What about the past is blocking me right now?  Let’s look at what I think it is.

Imposter Syndrome.  In certain circles there are people who see me as a success.  In others I am viewed as knowledgeable and capable.  I have won respect and good will from disparate people who see what I believe to be a façade.  What if they see me for my past inconsistencies?  What if they take a closer look and call me out as an imposter?  Why yes, this is a fancy disguise for fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of failure, and I would even suspect fear of success.

Second-guessing.  Was leaving the higher-paying job I disliked such a good idea?  Should I have gone with the business opportunity I didn’t?  Should I have put more energy into the partnership that didn’t work out than I did?  What if?  Past mistakes and past perceived failures cause me to get stuck in the present and not move forward.

Anger.  How dare she fire me?  What was that BS all about?  Why did she expect me to be a mindreader?  Nobody will be good enough, but I wasn’t either.  How come when you knew what I wanted from this gig and I could do it you still didn’t offer it to me?  The vast amount of anger and resentment I find myself holding onto seriously cripples me in the here and now, and I need to let go of it all.

The conclusion I have reached is that in the present I am dragging along with me the three-ton weight that is these three past matters.  I know they are having a negative impact on my present, and they are effecting my attempts at conscious creation.  Between imposter syndrome, second-guessing and anger stemming from my past, it’s no wonder I’m feeling stuck here in the present.

So what do I do with this?  First and foremost – I have to forgive myself.  I write weekly about this Pathwalking thing, and then get displeased with myself for failing to live up to it completely.  Hey, self, nobody’s perfect, dust yourself off and move forward.  You are allowed to not live up to your own standards, just accept that you’ve done that and LET IT GO.

Second, now that I’ve identified it, take the steps I know to fix it.  Imposter syndrome?  Just don’t.  Put on the suit, armor up, and be that guy they think you are.  Alright, Titanium Don, be that successful, knowledgeable and respectable guy.  Second-guessing?  Just don’t.  Can’t undo the past, asking what-if will just frustrate you, so stop analyzing it and take the lessons learned and leave it behind.  Anger?  Write letters to those people who have angered you and burn them.

I know how this works.  Instead of getting mad at myself for failing to live in the now and let the past stay in the past, take these actions and MOVE FORWARD.  The past only effects the present for me if I allow it to.

I’ve got this.  The biggest obstacle in the way of my path is me.  Suck it up, buttercup, and be present and just make it happen.

Do you leave your past in your past, or carry it with you?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 12:

Diet: I continue tracking my intake, and am working to cut back my carbs and sugars.

Exercise: Fencing happened, and I got to the gym three times.  I also took a walk around my complex.  I exceeded my goal, and am happy about that.

Writing:  Six days of writing and editing.  Goal exceeded!

Meditation: I spent at least 3 minutes meditating seven days last week. I am working to keep this a daily practice.

I am going to add one more process to the log.  Gratitude.  I need to use the app on my phone to express gratitude for 3 to 5 things a day.

 

This is the two-hundred twenty second entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Positivity: Tears

Tears, you may not realize, are a surprising tool for positivity.

Whether tears are being shed in happiness or in joy, or in sorrow and sadness, they are still a tool for Positivity.  Because tears cleanse.

When you are so filled with joy that you could burst and you begin to cry, it is an experience of ultimate release.  So powerful that you are overwhelmed, and so moved.

When you are sorrowful or sad and you begin to cry, it is an experience of ultimate release.  So powerful that you are overwhelmed, and so moved.

Release, relief, whether from sadness or happiness, is still positive.  Why?  Because once you have had that release, you are now free and open to tremendous amounts of positivity.

There is nothing like the release that tears can bring.  So much pent up energy that your system has to give.  While there are many vents we have to release that pent-up emotion, tears are particularly powerful.

Yes, you can shout, scream, throw punches, break stuff to release that energy.  But tears cleanse like nothing else can.  Tears open you up in a way that no other physical act can.  They are an ultimate creator of freedom.

Why is positivity important?  Because we all want to feel good.  We all want to be hopeful.  We all want to experience exceptional things in life.  But there are going to be instances that create emotions in us so strong that we can’t just hold onto them.

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it just changes form.  Emotions are a part of that energy, but they can create a build-up that needs to be released.  That’s tension.  Sometimes the release is obvious, like a laugh, or a sneeze, or that moment when you are with a partner and realize they want to be kissed as much as you want to kiss them.  These are releases of energy.

Tears are an energy release.  The body becomes so full of either positive or negative energy that it must be released.  Like any overpowered engine, something has to give so that the system does not break down.  That is what tears are.

Once tears flow, the energy is released.  It does not matter whether that was positive or negative energy that caused the tears, now that they are released you can start anew.  Positivity can be created, and you can renew your efforts and change your direction.

There are going to be times when we all need release.  Letting go of any overage of energy opens us to more possibilities for positivity.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that we all need to liberate excess energy, whether from joy or sorrow, we can be freer in doing so.  When we accept the need for that release, and we allow the tears to flow, once the energy excess has been released we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred thirteenth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 221

Lately I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety.

This is not a regular sensation for me, I don’t get anxious easily.  But I am well aware that anxiety, as a disguise for fear, gets in the way of Pathwalking.

So what am I feeling anxious about?

The first step in dealing with anxiety is identifying it.  I know that there are several things giving me anxiety, some of which I can deal with directly, some less so.

Current anxiety producing things that are something I can deal with directly: my finances, my fitness, my productivity, my time management.

Every one of these is directly within my control to be dealt with.  Some more, some less, but nonetheless I can take actions to handle these causes of anxiety.

Finances – looking for a new job.  Working on promoting and increasing sales of my published works.  Refocusing my attention away from the fear aspect of having insufficient finances to pay my bills and instead envisioning abundance.  Money and fear do not go together, so this is something I REALLY need to change my focus on.

Oh great, this hooky-spooky bs.  I don’t believe so.  If, as I frequently postulate, consciousness creates reality, then if I am focusing on lack and letting the fear of consequences from that overwhelm my reason – which is where anxiety comes from, frankly – then guess what I am creating more of?

And really, even if I am wrong about what I believe, building fear and anxiety does not help with any actions I want or even need to take.  I can control how I feel, why do I want to feel anxious?  Simpel answer – I don’t.

My fitness – I am trying to change my diet, and increase my exercise.  I need to not let my fear and anxiety lead to stress eating, or loafing on the couch or any other excuses that keep me from getting into better shape.  Anxiety about my fitness gets in the way of doing something to improve it.

My productivity – I need to not distract myself from job hunting and writing and seeking means to promote and better sell my work.  I need to also not become anxious if I fail to meet self-imposed quotas.  This goes to my fitness at well, frankly.  Productivity or a lack thereof is wholly in my wheelhouse to be dealt with.  And hand-in-hand with that matter…

My time management – I get up somewhere between 6:30 and 7:30am every morning.  I putz around online, play some games on Facebook.  I make my coffee, I start to consider what I need to do.  I cannot tell you how frequently it’s 10am and I get flustered that my morning is almost gone.  Time gets away from me, I do not manage it to my greatest advantage, and then I get anxious because my intent for the day slips or I don’t complete the things I want and need to get done.

All of these are in my direct control to deal with.  I can choose to work with the anxiety, which is actually fear, that this is causing me.  I can take steps using any number of tools to overcome this and take better care of myself.

Now what about the things outside of my control that are making me anxious?

This is bit more complex.  There are two categories for this – the things I CAN identify, and the things I can’t.  The former is pretty easy, and I know I am very much not alone when it comes to anxiety about horrid business practices, government, the insane national election, world terrorism and the effects it causes, racism, hatred, bigotry, misogyny – I can go on and on here.  I don’t even watch network news or read deep beyond headlines much anymore because I know how these things make me feel, and I don’t want that anxiousness.

The latter, however, it particularly hard to deal with.  What about that anxiety you just can’t put your finger on?  We’ve all sensed it, we’ve all experienced it…that sense of dread.  The heaviness in our hearts.  That sinking feeling.  Try as you might, there is no obvious cause, you just feel anxious.

Well, what can you do about this stuff outside of your direct control?

This is where you need to take actions that will change how you are feeling.  Might need to meditate, write out an angry note, write out a hopeful blog post, go for a run, watch something funny, put on music, chat with a friend, scream, skip rocks off a lake…whatever it takes to release the anxiety, the fear.

Yes, this is easier said than done.  What works this time might not work next time.  First attempt to take an action to release anxiety may fail and require a different attempt.  You may need a combo of things.  You might need therapy, you might even need to take an SSRI.

The important thing in all of this is not letting your anxiety and the fear it’s hiding overwhelm you.  You need to find a way to get ahold of it, you need to work on actions to change how you are feeling.  You need to alter your focus on what you are thinking about.

I struggle with this.  But I know I am not alone in this matter.  And neither are you.  Together, we can overcome fear and anxiety, and we can live the life of abundance and contentment and joy that is our right to have.  This is not an entitled statement, this is the nature of a universe where consciousness creates reality.  I believe this to be true, I’ve proven it before…I just have to work with, instead of against, the anxiety and release it to make room for better feelings.

How do you cope with anxiety?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 11:

Diet: Still tracking my intake, and looking to cut back my carbs and sugars.  So much easier said than done.

Exercise: Fencing happened, but I never got to the gym.  I did spend a day chasing a toddler around.  I have begun to make use of the Fitbit I was gifted by my wife and joined a group tracking steps to a goal.

Writing: Five days of writing.  Figured out the plot for the sci-fi novel I’ve been working on.  Yes, now you know that I write stories without a complete plot as they come to me.

Meditation: I spent at least 5 minutes meditating four days last week. I am getting better at taking the time for myself to do this, now I just need my cat to stop helping.

This is taking shape as a helpful tool.

 

 

This is the two-hundred twenty first entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my personal desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Positivity: Repetition is not Insanity

Albert Einstein said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

This is so very simple.  If you try the exact same thing time and again with no variations, you will get the same results.  That’s a big part of what scientific testing is all about.

Every single week I post Positivity.  Is it insanity?  No.  Why?  Because I am not doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I am always looking for new things to be positive about.  I am constantly exploring new ways in which to create positivity.  I am trying variations on the theme every week because I think we need more positivity in the world, and I strive to present some.

I will concede that this could be considered insanity.  I post this every single week, and have been for more than two years now.  Has the world become more positive?  I think you could easily argue the exact opposite.

That’s not important, however.  I have not given up.  I work every week to introduce some positivity into this world because even if I make myself feel more positive, that improves the world.  Every.  Single.  One.  Of.  Us.  Counts.

I don’t present these posts on positivity every week hoping for a great big, universal epiphany.  Sure, I would love to garner thousands of followers and lucrative writing deals from my work, but this is more important than that.  Even on the days when this beacon of positivity is submerged in the depths of negativity, it is still a beacon, and it is still something to be shared and to do my part to help make more people feel good.

I may be doing this thing over and over again, but never in quite the same manner, and I have no expectations of results.  So perhaps it is insanity, or even folly to post positivity every week, but I do not believe that is so.

We can always find things to be positive about.  We can break free of the shackles of negativity, we can be a ray of hope in the sea of despair.  I know that seems hard to believe sometimes, but it doesn’t make it any less true.  Finding positivity lets us be empowered, and when we are empowered we can feel good, and when we feel good we can spread that to those around us.

I have no intent of stopping giving you thoughts on positivity every week.  Partially because this is selfish – I need to remind myself to be more positive, too.  I believe that this is a service to my friends and loved ones to show us all that as bleak as things may appear, there are bright things that we can feel good about, and we deserve to feel positive and feel good.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that it’s not insanity to try something like finding positivity to better our lives, we can continue to take new approaches to the same issue.  When we accept that it can be repetitive, and that the results may not be grand but are still worthwhile and important, we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred twelfth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

An open letter to fellow Americans

Dear America,

When did we accept hatred as the standard?  When did we decide that after almost a century of progress it was perfectly ok to allow unrestrained racists, sexists, bigots, misogynists, warmongers and fearmongers to be our leaders again?  When did we decide that it was better to praise and follow the blindly faithful and ignorant rather than the logical and intelligent?

How did we get to this place where our choices for leadership from one party includes a zealot and a narcissist and the other side is a corporate shill and an idealist?

The one side became polarized over the past 30 years or so because they allowed special interests, religious fanatics and closeted bigots gain control.  And they wonder why they cannot stop this monster Dr. Frankenstein has unleashed on us?

The other side became polarized over the past 30 years or so because they allowed special interests, a lack of conviction and an unclear agenda gain control.  And they wonder why so many distrust the party leaderships’ Chosen One and prefer the idealist?

Do you want this country to return to segregation, to the failed principles of separate but equal?  Do you want the corporate bosses to be your slave masters again?  Do you really want to see those who are poor and disabled and hurting simply left to die?  Do you want to allow the greedy to destroy this planet so they can turn ludicrous profits that never trickle down to anyone else?  Do you want to live your life in fear?

This is what you have to take into consideration when it comes to the election this year.  I am not just talking about the Presidency, I am talking about ALL of those up for reelection.  Congress has become an obstructionist mouthpiece of those who pay for their elections.  Special interests and corporate hacks have taken control, and they will not stop until the rich are so rich that they can afford to leave the planet they are destroying, while the rest of us let them take everything we hold dear and wonder where it all went wrong.

Fear is not a healthy basis for a system of government.  Hate, exclusionism, greed, racism, bigotry, misogyny and sexism are all just alternate versions of fear.  Fear enslaves us to the will of others, and those who have the power continue to make it clear that they want only to garner more power.

Please stop being afraid, America.  Please stop fearing change, stop fearing the unknown, stop being afraid of anyone and anything different from you.  Please remember that our Declaration of Independence that was the blueprint for the forming of this nation says,  “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

America is not a land of Christians only.  It is not a land of Whites only. America is not a land of men only.  It is not a land of rich only.  It is NOT a nation of exclusion – American was founded on the principles of inclusion.

Building walls to keep out those who are different is not American.  Creating laws that forbid marriage is not American.  Creating laws that belittle ANY citizen, black or white, man or woman, gay or straight, religious or atheist is NOT American.  We are a nation of tolerance, we are a nation of freedom, we are a nation of inclusion…and it is time that we reclaim that.

Please release the fear, America.  Isolating ourselves, registering those who hold different beliefs and limiting resources for only the wealthy is what this nation was founded to stand against.  What we choose this year will reverberate very differently from our past choices.  We can reclaim our nation from the greedy, from the special interests, from those who don’t care about us but only about themselves…or we can give them even more power, and disempower ourselves and let America truly cease to be great.

Fear is not the answer.  Fear is un-American.  Please, please examine this and consider if you want to empower the people who only take, and are giving nothing back to you but fear, death, poverty, and war.

Is being American about being afraid?  No.

Please stop being afraid, America.  For the sake of us all, for the sake of our children, do not let fear make your decision in these elections.

With Respect,

A concerned American.