M.J. Blehart's Blog, page 92

Positivity: Tools for Positivity

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  This is not as daunting as it may first appear.

We are bombarded daily with negativity.  Some is intentional, aimed at causing us fear and distress in an effort to control us.  More often, though, it’s unintentional, like a friend trying to share with us a situation that is in need of attention, but is infuriating.

We cannot avoid, ignore, or neglect these things.  We can, however, choose not to let them dominate our thoughts and feelings and actions, so that we can take a positive approach of reconstruction rather than a negative one of destruction.  We have the power to choose how we want to feel, and think, and act.

There are some tools that provide actions for generating positivity.  Some of these will work for you, some might not.  A combination of them may be required.  Further, there are other tools besides these for this purpose, but these are a few that I employ successfully.  They are simple, and do not require huge amounts of time and effort.  But they are actions.

Breathe.  That simple, take the time to breathe.  Stop what you are doing, take a good, thorough, deep breath.  Then let it out.  Do it again.  Intentional breathing is a great way to revitalize yourself, to draw in fresh air and fresh energy, and to pause and change perspective.

Gratitude.  I have an app on my phone where I write out five to six things for which I am grateful daily.  Gratitude is an amazing device for drawing positivity.  But writing out what I am grateful for makes me feel that gratitude, and that simple action can help improve my outlook and my mood.

Worry stones/fidget rings/gems.  I carry a couple different stones in my pockets.  I think currently I have a Carnelian and a Moonstone.  Beyond the energetic characteristics some people will tell you these hold, I often will touch them, or roll them around in my hand to distract myself when I am getting annoyed or down.  Further, they can be great for gratitude.  Every time I take one of these from my pocket, I think of things I am grateful for.  It’s a distracting and refocusing action that can help build positivity.

Meditation.  Some people believe this is all about clearing your mind and seeking the void.  Sometimes you succeed in that in the process, but more importantly meditation is about directly connecting yourself to source energy.  This does not require sitting in the lotus position for hours, just five minutes in a chair or on your back or sitting cross-legged either with your eyes closed or focused on a single point can really shift you towards better, more positive thoughts.

Laughter.  Find something that makes you laugh.  Look for a YouTube video, seek out a joke or a pun.  Make the effort to put a smile on your face, so that you can generate positivity and feel better about the world.

This is imperfect, and there are far more tools than these for this purpose.  Also, and this is important, I am not suggesting that we can live exclusively positive lives.  Shit happens.  We all experience times and things that bring us down.  However, it is entirely our choice whether or not to stay in that negative place.  That is where finding positivity can majorly improve the quality of our lives.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that there are many tools that take only a little time and action to help generate positivity, we give ourselves more choices.  When we see that our feelings can be more under our own control, and we choose to work on that, we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred thirty-eighth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 246

Life is only as complicated as we choose to make it.

The human race has this incredible obsession with complicating our lives.   We create these impossible goals and lofty ambitions, and reject the relatively simple things we all want.

Everybody wants to love and be loved.  Everybody wants to find joy and peace.  Everybody wants to feel good.  Yes, I recognize these are pretty massive generalizations, but that doesn’t make them any less true.  I know some people appear to wallow in their misery, but I am still one-hundred percent certain they want these things.

So how do we complicate these things?  Instead of reveling in the simple feelings underlying love, joy, and generally feeling good, we attach unnecessary labels and create complicated steps in order to “succeed”.

You’re probably feeling rather incredulous about this notion, so let me better illuminate my point.  As children, and I mean children before schooling or right as it begins, we sought simple things to make us happy.  A hug, playing outside, petting dogs and cats, running after butterflies, coloring incessantly, watching cartoons, mom and/or dad tucking us in at night all made us feel loved, all brought us a sense of joy and peace, and made us feel good.

We were children.  We didn’t know any better.  And that right there is my point.  I would actually argue that we did know better, but as we became “educated”, we added layers of complexity to the things that made us feel good.

Again, I need to make an important clarification.  Last week I wrote about knowledge versus faith, and emphasized how important each is.  Knowledge is power, and faith is the ability to choose paths for yourself to walk.  I am in no way deriding education, because it is so very very important.  What I am writing about here is learning to complicate feelings with labels and the like.

As we grow up we are shown that love is not just the clouds in the sky, your cat purring on your lap, hugs and kisses.  Love becomes this complicated, variable notion that takes on tons of layers and meanings and can be perceived as equally painful when lost as it is pleasurable when found.

We develop relationships.  We start to need to define love based on societal norms and media and unrealistic ideals created by movies and religions and nations and customs and so on.  Instead of just giving and receiving love for being an incredible, powerful creator, we add these layers of complexity and explanation and redefine it into something very different.

I love you, but I’m not in love with you.  I love you with all my heart.  I love you as a friend.  I love you because we are family, but I don’t really like you.  I want to love you, but our love is forbidden.  Where do these messages come from?  They come from our maddening need as we get older to complicate the single most powerful tool we have for living the best lives we can.

Then we find even more unique ways to complicate joy and peace.  We decided long ago that you had to work to earn certain things in this life.  Higher education cost money, so many people put themselves deep into debt to get educated.  Now, out of school, to pay back that debt, and also to afford food and shelter and cars and clothes and health insurance and such, you have to work.  Not only do you have to work, but you have to earn enough money to get all these things.  Then, you should work harder and longer so you can get better things.

Now our time for joy and peace is limited.  Evenings and weekends, because for most people work is a necessary chore in order to gain the material, some of which is necessary, some of which we buy in order to further our joy and peace.  Thus we create this frustrating loop of more work to try to find more peace and joy and on and on.  But rather than gain peace and joy, we often gain exhaustion and sorrow for our troubles.  Complicating a simple idea.

Then we really throw wrenches into the works when it comes to feeling good.  First, we turn to all sorts of outside forces to make ourselves feel good.  Alcohol, tobacco, drugs and the like are the most common examples of the things we turn to in order to make ourselves feel good.  Some of the things that most make us feel good have been complicated or stigmatized so that we might only partake of them in the most private manner.  Or worse, the things that make us feel good get weaponized and are used to make some people not feel good.  Perfect examples of all of these are sex, religion and money.

Sex makes us feel good.  But there is taboo, and stigma attached to sex.  It is amazing how we make ourselves feel bad about the desire and the act if it’s not in-line with societal expectation.  Religion is meant to make us feel good, and even make us feel at peace.  And it’s great, until religion begins dictating policy.  When we fight over having one true religion, and forcing each other’s religiously fueled morality upon one another, it becomes a horrible concept and a tool of oppression, war and sorrow.  And then there is money.  The complexities of money and what it can do for us and how we view it and earning it and spending it and saving it and everything in between is so unbelievable.  Money is a tool and a form of energy that we do not fully understand because we see it as limited instead of abundant.  I could write epic novels on the complexities of money and its power over us versus its power to empower us.

This is how we make our lives more complicated than they need to be.  The question becomes, what can we do about this?  Next week I’ll explore this further, and explore ideas for more easily finding love, peace, joy and feeling good.

In what ways do you complicate your own life?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 36:

Diet:  Improving, I think.  I continue to mostly avoid sugar, since I’ve come to realize it makes me feel fluggish.

Exercise: Fencing happened twice last week, and I got to the gym twice.  Definitely Getting better.

Writing:  No writing happened six days last week!

Meditation:  I meditated every day last week, for a minimum of at least 5 minutes.

Gratitude: I wrote five or six things I was grateful for every day last week.

 

This is the two-hundred forty-sixth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Positivity: Determination

I am determined to find Positivity.

Negativity is everywhere.  Like, wow, this is so overwhelming how inundated by negative messages we are right now.  Anger, hatred, fear, both directed and passive are every way we turn.

It feels almost inescapable.  The national and international news is so completely full to overflowing in negativity, coupled with unpleasant feelings towards the new work week and weather and…it can feel like it is all too much.

I am determined to find Positivity.

I am breathing.  I am alive.  I have friends and loved ones who care about me and whom I care about in return.  My choices are mine to make, and I have plenty of them.

I don’t need to follow down the rabbit hole of bad news.  I do not need to further feed the negativity, I do not need the anger and the resentment and, frankly, the fear.  Do they serve me, or do they serve my demons?  Do they allow me to move forward with my day, my week, my life…or do they trap me in my past?  I get to choose to find Positivity.  I get to choose to make MY experience better.

Do you like to feel helpless?  Do you like the feeling that you have no control over the world, over your future, over gargantuan events across the globe?  The truth is you do have control.  How?  By choosing not to feed the negativity, feed the anger, fear, hatred and other bad emotions…and instead choosing to feed positivity, love, joy, peace, acceptance and other good emotions.

I am determined to find Positivity.  Why do I keep repeating that?  Because mantras and affirmations are proven to be effective in changing moods, changing attitudes, changing feelings.  I am empowering myself to not get trapped in the doom and gloom, and instead to find better, happier, and frankly more useful thoughts to work with.

You are more powerful than you realize.  Consider that before you complain about something.  Give that some thought before you post that negative meme.  Do you want to empower more bad feelings, or do you want to empower good feelings?  Do you want to depress yourself, or to uplift yourself?

These are the choices before us each and every day, and when we neglect them, or more frequently forget that they are ours to make, we feed exactly the opposite of what we want.  The more we spread the anger, the outrage, the dismay at this world – what a surprise – it just seems to grow bigger and badder and seemingly more insurmountable.  Is this what ANYONE actually wants?  I am confident in saying no.

I am determined to find Positivity.  That’s why I am presenting this essay to you today.  I choose not to further the things that make me feel bad, and instead seek things to make me feel good.  I…we…all deserve to live in a world full of possibility and joy.  Let’s do what we can to find it, spread it, and live it.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that you can determine to find Positivity, you can make choices about what you focus on.  When we focus on things that make us feel positive over things that make us feel negative, we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred thirty-seventh entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 245

Having faith is important.  It is also equally important to have knowledge.

Some people seem to believe that these concepts are mutually exclusive.  To have faith means knowledge is unimportant, and vice versa.  But we need faith to traverse the unknown, and we need knowledge to understand the experiences we have during this life.

On the one hand, society has an obsession with grouping often diverse concepts together.  For example, spirituality, morality and religion.  Three separate tenets that are frequently equated as one and the same, which I’ve written about before.  On the other hand, society is equally obsessed with division.  For example, straight and gay, black and white, religious and atheist, Republican and Democrat, so on and so forth.  Is it any wonder we’re fairly schizophrenic?

Along this line, people hold very different views of faith and knowledge.  Both serve a purpose, and both are pretty important, but many come to see them as conflicting, which is not the case.

Let’s explore faith.  Faith is believing in things that you might not be able to see.  Faith is knowing that if you take that chance you could wildly succeed.  Faith is the Zen saying “Leap and the net will appear.”  Faith is believing in yourself and your abilities.  Faith is believing in your friends and family and their support.  Faith is believing you can control your own destiny, choose your own path and live a life you want.

Faith is a lot of things, but what it is not is blind.  While that may seem like a paradox, it’s really not.  Faith is a completely personal matter of belief, it is a form of knowledge that is emotional, sometimes irrational, based more in feeling than thought.  Faith is not about expecting answers and solutions from without, which is where blind faith comes into play.

We all have different beliefs when it comes to the concept of a higher power.  Some even don’t believe in such.  Whatever you ascribe yourself to, while this can be a source of strength, it should not be the end-all-be-all of how we view the Universe.  There’s a reason we each have free will, and that in turn means that we each have the ability to choose for ourselves.

Let’s explore knowledge.  Knowledge is learning things about how the world works.  It is gaining information about people, places, things.  Knowledge is why we know that two plus two equals four, or that certain mushrooms are poisonous, or that the Earth revolves around the sun and so forth.  Knowledge is knowing you can always find more information, and you can educate yourself about almost anything you can think of.

Knowledge is a lot of things, but what it is not is emotional.  Yes, knowledge allows us to know emotions, give them names, and analyze them and their effects on our psyche.  But knowledge is a matter of thought, not emotion.  Knowledge might give you a scientific explanation for why your heart flutters when you see a sunrise, but it does not fully explain the emotional reaction it can produce in you.

Knowledge is power.  The more we learn, the more we empower ourselves.  There is always something new and interesting to be learned, and it is in learning new things that we discover better paths for ourselves to traverse.

The thing is, while knowledge and faith can come across as opposites to one another, they really are not.  Knowledge can inform faith, so long as we recognize that that faith is not blind.

Let me clarify that statement.  I believe, have faith in the universe, that I can control my own destiny and choose and walk my own path.  I have certain knowledge born of my own life experience that tells me this is so.  There is science and technology that has and continues to help me in this quest, and I am always learning new things that help to reinforce my faith.

It is important to recognize when faith and knowledge are truly one.  You may not entirely be able to explain the how, but you should be capable of explaining the why.

This is where blind faith can be so problematic.  No offense to anyone’s religious beliefs, but if you ONLY believe in creationism and utterly reject the science of evolution, you are choosing blind faith.  If you refuse to see a doctor for some illness or disease and choose to believe that God alone will heal you, same thing.  If you refuse to act because you think some higher-power will grant you what you seek, you might be following your faith blindly.  I will grant you it is possible you are right, and your faith is not blind, so let me ask you this – can you explain to me why?  “Because” is not an answer.

Faith is believing in ourselves, in the power of our dreams and imagination and intentions, faith is believing in our own knowledge allowing us to get from where we are now to where we want to be.  It is not just the doings of the Powers-that-Be beyond our control, we are creatures of free will, and we can create almost anything we set our minds to.

Knowledge is knowing when what we know is sufficient, and we can have faith in that and the desired outcome.  Knowledge is empowering ourselves, and through our empowerment finding the faith to take the leaps, to tread the unfamiliar paths, and to make changes that we want for our own benefit.

Having faith is important, but it is also equally important to have knowledge.  Neither can exist in a vacuum, and when we put them together we can create a world that all of us can live the lives of our dreams in.  It really does seem far more complicated than it truly is.

What do you know?  What do you believe?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 35:

Diet:  Overall, still decent.  I continue to mostly avoid sugar.

Exercise: Fencing happened once week, and I got to the gym twice and hit archery practice.  Getting better.

Writing:  No writing happened last week.  Already working to improve upon that.

Meditation:  No mediation last week.  Also working to improve that.

Gratitude: I wrote five things I was grateful for every day last week.

 

This is the two-hundred forty-fifth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Positivity: Learning

There is always something to be learned.

No matter how much information you take in, no matter how many books you read, how many formal or informal classes you take, how many masters you study, there is always something more to learn.

It is an incredible source of positivity to know that you can always gain something new, acquire previously unknown information, and explore way beyond your current base of knowledge.

Whether you learn something new about a topic you have familiarity with, or something entirely new and previously foreign to you, it is incredible how empowering greater knowledge truly is.

I cannot express just how much of a thrill I get from learning new things.  Whether it’s a simple thing like a piece of trivia I didn’t already know about a movie or song I am already familiar with; or it’s a word in a language I have not studied before; or it’s an entirely new skillset like underwater basket weaving, there is just so much potential joy and ultimate empowerment in learning new things and acquiring more knowledge.

Knowledge is power.  But more importantly than that, knowledge is empowerment.  The more you know, the more able you are to take control of things in your life and empower yourself.  When you are empowered, you can more easily generate positivity, and the good can get even better.

Not all knowledge will make you feel good.  Yes, you will learn things that will make you unhappy, whether it’s personal details about someone you’ve held up as a hero, or an opportunity that you have missed, or discovering that a long-held belief you have clung to is false.  Knowledge can make you discontent, sad, angry, or generate some other immediate negative reaction.  However, it is still empowering to learn, and empowerment is positive

Positivity is not about finding constant, giddy joy.  It’s about seeing a world of possibility rather and a world of hopelessness.  Positivity is about seeing the good in the world rather than the bad, hope instead of despair, love and kindness instead of fear and anger.  So many of our so-called leaders play on fear and ignorance and hopelessness to gain power and control; when we can see positivity we self-empower, and we can instead view this world as a place full of knowledge and hope.

Learning is an opportunity for finding more positivity.  Learning builds knowledge, which can be used to overcome ignorance and show people that they do not need to live in fear.  That is why I seek to spread more positivity, and every day I learn new ways to find it for myself, and then share it with you, and beyond.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that you have endless possibilities for learning, you can seek out new ideas and different ways of doing things and better ways to generate more positivity.  When we are constantly learning, we build up our knowledge, and as knowledge is power, we can use that power so we can empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred thirty-fifth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 244

If you want to change the world, you have to begin with changing yourself.

It is that simple, and of course at the same time that complicated.

Change is challenging.  I don’t want to call it hard, because really it’s not that hard to make change.  But change IS challenging.

Why?  Because change is frequently a journey into the unknown.  We take steps into unexplored territory, to places we have never been, maybe even never really dreamed about.  Change is different.  Change is exciting and terrifying and a huge ball of crazy emotions.

To change the world, we have to begin much, much smaller.  We have to begin with ourselves.  Our own visions, desires, intentions and actions are where all change stems from.  If we do not change from within, we would be hard pressed to even recognize change from without.

Yes, sometimes there is a big, huge idea or thing that leads to change from the outside.  When you are hit by a car or receive the job of your dreams or meet your soul mate, those are gargantuan changes that are effected from outside of yourself.  The world at large is changed from without from time to time as well, though frequently this is rather violent, involving revolution or a devastating natural disaster or what-have-you.

The simplest and most profound way to change the world is by changing yourself.

The biggest mistake most people make, and I certainly make it, is that we consider change.  We envision change.  We have these fantastic ideas about how we will change ourselves, do the things we need to do, and improve our lives.  Plans, concepts, methods are considered, and change feels like it is on the horizon and we’re ready for it.

What’s missing?  Action.  Specifically, inspired action.  Intentional action.  I can plan, plot, devise and consider all the ideas for change I want…but unless I take some sort of action, all I have is a notion of change, but no real change.

For a lot of people, the process feels like action.  I came up with this awesome idea to change my life, I am really psyched about it, I got it all planned out…and now I am exhausted.  Planning is action, right?  Except it’s not.  Planning is not doing.

This is why instead of making New Years Resolutions, I began to take New Years Actions.  I can resolve to do a thing all I want, but the actual doing is a whole other matter.

So I want to change the world, but I know that first and foremost I need to change myself.  I can plot and plan until the cows come home, but without taking any action nothing will change.

Things change whether we act or not.  This is true, however, do you have any real control over those changes?  Were those changes of your making, or were they spawned from someone or something else?  If I say I am planning to change my job, and then do nothing, but get laid off from my current job along the way, certainly I’ve experienced change.  But I didn’t choose it.

Pathwalking is about choice.  This is MY life, and I alone get to live it.  I want to change this thing or that thing.  To change, there has to be intentional action.

What’s the difference between intentional action and regular action?  Simple – intentional action is purposeful, decisive.  It means something to you, it carries weight and feeling.  Regular action just kind of happens, and we are all guilty of taking “action” to look busy or just to feel as if we are doing SOMETHING.  That is usually going to get us nowhere, at least not where we are aiming to go.

Once you determine what changes you want to make, and take intentional actions to effect those changes, you are doing the thing that will get you where you want to go.  In this way, you change the world.

There are any number of powers-that-be, authority figures, so-called leaders and the like who want us all disempowered.  They want to control us, they want us to be good little sheep and play by their rules, live as they see fit.  Some are dynamic and charismatic, some are narcissistic and fear-mongering.  They throw around phrases and ideas like “change the world”, but really what they are after is their own narrow vision.  Real change is individual.  Because the world as we each perceive it is so vastly different.

How I see this world is not how you see it.  Sure, there are points we agree upon, I don’t doubt, but none-the-less our world views are dissimilar.  Because of environment, upbringing, ethnicity, gender and other self-identifiers our views of the world at large differ far more than we realize.  This is not a world of either/or, good/bad, black/white, male/female and such…it is a wider, more colorful, more diverse world in an even larger, more colorful and more diverse galaxy in an infinitely gargantuan universe.

The limits we create are our own.  When we recognize this, the changes we can make are infinite.  And when we change ourselves, we truly do change the world, because each and every one of us lives in a different, but shared world.  Change ourselves for the better, change the world for the better.

Make the plan, but take the intentional action.  If you want to change the world, you have to begin with changing yourself.

What do you want to change about the world?  What do you want to change about yourself?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 34:

Diet:  Overall, still decent.  I continue to mostly avoid sugar.

Exercise: Fencing happened twice week, and I got to the gym once.  Still a work in progress.

Writing:  I didn’t think I did it, but I managed to get in 3 days of writing last week.

Meditation:  Three days last week, at least 6 minutes each of those days.

Gratitude: I wrote five things I was grateful for every day last week.

 

This is the two-hundred forty-fourth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Positivity: Forgive Yourself

The hardest person to forgive is yourself.  There is tremendous positivity in forgiveness.

Whether you are not meeting what you think other people expect of you, or more likely you are not living up to your own expectations, you probably have experienced a need to forgive yourself, and that can be challenging.

It is important that we recognize we are only human, and forgive ourselves when we are less-than-perfect.

Thing is, everyone is perfectly themselves, and as such perfectly imperfect.  Perfection, like beauty, is in the eye, or probably more likely the mind of the beholder.

We all tend to set ourselves up to fail from time to time.  We have grand goals, plans big or small, intentions and activities plotted.  However, as any strategist can tell you, no plan survives contact with the enemy.

You planned to attend your friend’s barbecue.  You intended to wash the car.  You were not going to eat that donut.  You planned to do the laundry.  Then something happened, and the plan did not come to fruition.  Now you feel guilty for failing, and as such you are feeling bad.

Life happens.  You missed the barbecue because you had to take care of a sick pet.  You meant to wash the car, but took a nap instead.  That donut had really tasty filling and was irresistible.  Instead of doing the laundry you watched a movie.  Were any of these things done to intentionally hurt anyone?  Was there malicious intent?  If, as is probable, the answer is no…then forgive yourself.  You are allowed to do something else and change your plans.

Most of the time when we feel guilty about letting someone else down, we mostly have let ourselves down.  We did not live up to our own expectations.  Frequently the thing we think caused offense to someone else was not even a blip on their radar.  So who needs to forgive you?  You do.

Why should you forgive yourself?  Because unless you have done something malicious or underhanded or inappropriate to someone else, then the person who needs to forgive you is in all probability you.  Everyone understands that things happen, that plans fall apart, and life is ridiculously imperfect.  Forgive yourself when you do not live up to your own self-expectations, because you deserve to be free of guilt and similar negativity.

Easier to forgive others than ourselves.  But there is so very much positivity in forgiving ourselves.  Life is simply more joyful when we recognize and work with this.  I know it’s not always easy, but that doesn’t make it any less worthwhile.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that you are only human, and that life can throw you unexpected curveballs, you can choose to forgive yourself for not living up to your own expectations.  When we forgive ourselves and recognize that we have no need of the guilt and other negative emotions we have without that forgiveness, ultimately we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred thirty-fourth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 243

We all experience things that cause us to have an immediate, negative emotional response.

Last week I wrote about not holding onto that and letting it take hold of you.

So, what are some means by which to cope with a negative emotional response?

Everyone can employ something different, and there is of course no one true response.  Also, situationally, different matters may call for a different response.  Some options for releasing that immediate negative response could include meditation, crying, screaming, taking it out on a punching bag, kicking a can across the lawn, and so on.

Depending on intensity, and what the emotion is and how deep it runs, combinations of actions may be required to allow for release.

I need to clarify a couple points before I go on.  First – this is specifically about that immediate, negative emotional response to something that has happened.  That gut-wrenching, upsetting, intense emotional feeling, whether it is anger, upset, sadness, rage, jealousy, or some other visceral reaction to something.  High-energy negativity, which could easily spiral into more, deeper negativity along the way if it is not acknowledged and then redirected.

Second – it is absolutely impossible to avoid this.  Congratulations, we are all human, and as such we all are susceptible to experiencing deep feelings, both positive and negative.  Because that is the case here, I want to acknowledge that this happens, and that it presents you choices to be made, despite the belief that such deep emotion can feel like it is impossible to stop.

Third – Negative emotions can be useful.  When you are in danger, when you have been used and/or abused by someone, when you finally realize that a situation you are in no longer works for you and this immediate negative emotion occurs, that can powerfully move you onwards.  This can be the inciting incident that helps you to see a situation of some sort might need to be changed, and as such can serve a purpose.

Fourth – To know positive emotions, we need to know the negative as well.  This is a dichotomy.  The opposite sides of the same coin.  The yin to the yang.  We can’t understand feeling good if we don’t understand feeling bad.  Believe me, having very little good emotion but an overbalance of negative is rough and unsustainable.

Finally – this idea is about control.  Rather than letting that immediate, powerful negative emotion take control of you and send you into a tailspin or downward spiral of further negativity, be it sadness, depression, guilt, anger or what-have-you, this is about taking back control of the matter and processing it so that you move on, rather than have your purpose and you plans derailed.

Because that immediate, negative reaction and emotional response can be so powerful, it can cause you to proceed in a direction you do not want to go.  Nobody I know wants to feel more anxious, more depressed, more guilty, more angry and so forth.

Rather than let that happen, action is required in order to release the negativity, so that you can move on.

It begins with acknowledging that something has happened.  Feel that feeling, this is in no way about denying or repressing the negative emotion.  It is good to feel it, the matter at hand here is letting it linger.

Once you recognize that it might be lingering, you need to examine that negative emotion or emotions, and determine what it might take for you to let them go.  What action can you take that will help you to feel better, and to seek out more positive experiences?

Suggestions I made previously include crying it out, ranting and screaming, meditating, punching or kicking something (preferably something that won’t cause you or someone else injury), going for a walk or a run, writing out a letter you won’t necessarily send, finding something you can break, and so on.  This needs to be an action, because action is the best means of transition from one place to another, even when those places are emotional.

It is important to note here that, just because you take actions to release the negative emotions, they may not simply be gone.  Depending on what triggered this, you may need to take a daily action to expand upon the release, you might need to use a different action to also give you release, etc.  Further, things may happen along the way that bring the initial negative emotional response back to the surface.  The idea here is that we can’t not feel negative emotions, but we can work on not allowing them to take root, and to be our way of approaching life, the universe and everything.

Shit happens.  We all have good days and bad days, and every single one of us will experience something where, emotionally, we will get hurt.  This is part of the human condition.  The question is, will you let that hurt make you a victim of life, or will you choose a different path?

Lastly, please know that you are not alone.  You might feel like you are, you may feel as if you are enduring far too much negativity, but no matter how intense it is, you are not alone.  I’ve been there.  So has almost everyone else.  We can get past these moments, and we can still choose and walk the paths we desire.

How do you release negative emotions?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 33:

Diet:  Overall, decent.  I think I still need fewer carbs, but I continue to mostly avoid sugar.  Summer is nearly over, and I’ve had NO ice cream!

Exercise: Fencing happened one day last week, and that was pretty much it for exercise.  I need to adjust this a lot.

Writing:  Apart from the blogs, zilch.  I totally need to get back into writing and editing daily.

Meditation:  Four days last week, at least 4 minutes each of those days.

Gratitude: I wrote five things I was grateful for every day last week.

 

This is the two-hundred forty-third entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Positivity: Perception

You get to choose how you perceive the world.

Do you perceive this world as a place of terror, of agony, of hopelessness and sadness?  Or do you see this world as a place of possibility, of joy, of hope and happiness?

Yes, I cannot deny that bad things happen in the world.  There are people who are sick, war refugees, homeless, and other undesirable realities.  However, our overall perception of the world is individual, and we get to choose whether we perceive a world of negativity or a world of positivity.

It often feels like this is not true.  Frequently it seems hard to believe that we have any power at all.  But nonetheless, each and every one of us gets to choose our own perception of the world around us.

I should further explain that I am not advocating seeing the world through rose-colored glasses.  This is not about pie-in-the-sky unreality, this is about your personal angle of perception.  Do you choose to approach your view of the world from a negative space, or a positive one?

You get to decide if you see a world of possibility or a world of futility.  A world of experience or endurance.  A world of potential or a world of struggle.  You can choose how to perceive this world, no matter what is happening out there around you.

When we get so caught up in these huge, seemingly world-dominating matters, we fail to see that we can choose our own individual experiences, and from there effect how the world will work for us.  We can perceive a world of excitement and hope or dread and fearfulness.

Keep that in mind as you scroll through your social media outlets.  Be cognizant of what you post, and what you read, and try not to allow your perception to be colored by the deluge of negativity.  Seek out things that make you feel good.

Being informed is good, but being inundated is unnecessary.  You don’t need to drown in negative perceptions of the world; instead you can choose to swim through and seek out the good.

You choose how you perceive the world around you.  Consider that well.  Then choose wisely.

Finding positivity is not hard, it just requires action.  Knowing that you can choose your own perspective on life, you can change both your present mindset and your outlook.  When we see the world for its possibilities, and in a positive light, ultimately we empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we often spread that feeling to others around us, and as such can build more positive feelings.  We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings.  When we take away negative feelings, we open up space to let in positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.  Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  Positive attitude begets positive energy, and that is always a good thing.

 

This is the one hundred thirty-fourth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

In relation to Positivity, check out my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.

Pathwalking 242

Ultimately, when it comes to how I feel, I am the only one who has any say.

For a lot of people, this seems hard to believe, I don’t doubt.  Why?  Because things happen that elicit an emotional response we have no control over.

Which is not true.

I agree that things happen that cause an emotional response.  Yes, we get into car accidents, we spill food on our clothes, we get hurt by someone we love, we do something we feel bad about later.  The immediate emotional response is a thing that happens, and that we cannot necessarily alter.

What we can change, however, is the emotion after that initial response.

The real issue I see in both myself and in others is how long I let that initial emotional response take hold of me.  Yes, I might feel sad, or angry, or insignificant, or hurt, or whatever negative matter you care to insert when whatever happens, happens.  However, it is what I do with that initial response that is important.

There are several ways in which we can and likely do handle that initial emotional response.  The challenge is in whether we gain control of the emotion, or let the emotion control us.

Most people simply go with it.  They feel whatever emotion has come up, they probably dwell on it for a time, and eventually it fades away.  This process will take variable amounts of time depending on the person, and how they manage themselves and their state of being.  There is nothing wrong with this response, and it’s pretty natural.

Some people, however, let that initial emotional response become a downward spiral.  She broke up with me!  I am obviously no good.  Clearly I don’t deserve to be happy.  I am worthless.  I am unlovable.  The downward spiral leads to deeper negativity, sadness, and quite possibly depression.

Depression is bad enough.  But what’s more problematic is when people allow their negative emotional responses to dictate their lives.  They suffer from depression, they have panic attacks, they might even allow themselves to become a victim.

I want to clarify the meaning of victim in this context.  I am not talking about someone who has been attacked or raped or otherwise victimized in some way.  I am talking about emotional victimization.  I am not even talking about emotional abuse, I am talking about when a person allows themselves to be victimized by their own emotional response and the downward spiral it has triggered.

To be fair, almost everyone goes through this at some point in their life.  Someone hurt you emotionally, you got upset and felt bad about it, but then you got angry and started questioning why me? and over time you were the victim because of how that person hurt you.  Probably this happened when you were still in middle school or high school.

Some people, however, do not learn a better response, and they continue to be victimized emotionally every time they get dumped, lose a job, don’t get invited to a party, and so on.  They let their hurt become their life, and they are constantly a victim.

After we have the initial emotional response to whatever situation we are facing, we get to choose how we will handle it from there.  Yes, I am upset or hurt or sad, but what do I do with it now?

This is why I say that when it comes to how I feel, I am the only one who has any say.  I can linger in the initial negative emotional response of whatever situation I am dealing with, or I can choose to find a way to let it go and move on.

No, this is not easy, in especial if you are an emotional person.  When you are the type of person who lives more in their heart than in their mind, I suspect that this is particularly challenging.  Yet ultimately I am the one who feels what I feel.

Additionally, people who have clinical depression and anxieties and similar issues have this challenge further magnified.

Nobody else feels what you feel, or how you feel it.  Period.  Oh sure, we give common names to feelings like happy, sad, love, hate, fear, joy and whatnot.  But how they feel is different for each and every one of us, which is where how we understand the intensity of emotions between one another gets particularly broken down.

This is why after we have that initial intense emotional response to a situation, it is important to check in with ourselves and determine if we really want to hold onto it, or work it out in some way.

This is not about forgetting something bad has happened.  Life is full of ups and downs, and I do not deny bad things happen.  But how long we hold onto those bad feelings is entirely under our control.  We need to develop coping mechanisms that will help us to release those bad feelings, and move on with our lives lest we become victims of our own emotions.

How?  That’s a challenge worthy of further exploration.  The short answer is that we need to choose means to release the way we are feeling so that we can change it.  Meditation, crying, screaming, taking it out on a punching bag, kicking a can across the lawn can all work, depending on intensity, and what the emotion is and how deep it runs.

This does not make the emotional response go away, but it does make it easier to not hold onto it, and be ruled by bad feelings.  Next week I will further explore means to change our emotional responses.

How do you handle things that make you feel bad?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 32:

Note – I did not maintain my goal log during my vacation.  Restarted it this week, so it will be back next week.

 

This is the two-hundred forty-second entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.