M.J. Blehart's Blog, page 24

I’m a Human Being – Sitting at My Desk, Fingers on My Keyboard

A new mindfulness realization dawns on marble head.Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

My therapist told me about a book called Clinical Dharma: A Path for Healers and Helpers by Dr. Stephen Dansiger. She said it had been helpful to her, and she thought it would be helpful to me.

In this book, the author talks about applying Buddhist principles to clinical practices – and beyond. Specifically, this relates to the Noble Eightfold Path. Some of it has resonated with me, some not as much.

If you are unfamiliar with the Eightfold Path, it includes,

Right viewRight resolveRight speechRight conductRight livelihoodRight effortRight mindfulnessRight samadhi (concentration, meditation, or contemplation)

As I was reading the section on Right Mindfulness, Dr. Dansiger wrote about an experience he had while seated in zazen (meditation practice), and afterward excitedly told his teacher (Roshi),

“I just realized that I’m a human being – sitting on the ground!”

Reading that washed over me like a wave as I considered my path and the actions I am taking. It’s so simple but so profound.

I’m a human being – sitting at my desk, fingers on my keyboard.

Yeah, so what? you might question.

This is the essence of everything, and applicable to and for everyone. I am a human being – being.

This profound simplicity is a quintessential recognition of genuine mindfulness.

Mindfulness is knowledge and power for you

Our culture and society love to distract and turn attention away from difficult questions. Rather than emphasizing accountability and responsibility, we see example after example of blame, denial, obfuscation, and making shit up out of thin air.

This is the opposite of mindfulness. This also means that it leaves you with ignorance and disempowerment rather than knowledge and empowerment – power for you.

I know many people who suffer from depression, anxiety, and the like. I also know many people who have been diagnosed with ADHD, a place on the autism spectrum, and/or some other form of neurodiversity (or a term a friend uses – neurospiciness). Many seek and get treatment and/or medication to help with these. Full disclosure – I’ve been fighting clinical depression for most of my life and am on an antidepressant and seeing a therapist for it.

While therapy and psychopharmacology can help – they won’t do you a lot of good if you don’t take responsibility and be accountable for any effects from your issues. Instead, they become points of blame and deflection.

For example – acting like a know-it-all-asshole and blaming your neurodiversity for it.

Mindfulness is another name for active conscious awareness. It’s knowing, right here and now, who, what, where, how, and why you are. This opens the way to working on better recognition of your inner being – specifically your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and actions.

Yet there is a far more direct, and in-the-moment recognition that is the root of mindfulness. And it’s dead simple. I’m a human being – sitting at my desk, fingers on my keyboard.

Well, duh. And yet – it’s so profound and clear that I feel like face-palming and crying out, “Of course!”

Why does being a human being matter so much?

In a world where common practices involve blame, obfuscation, denial, and outright bullshit, it’s all too easy to lose sight of yourself. And that’s how and why people get swept into counterfactual beliefs, political and religious cults, and other overzealous reactionary groups.

Fear is the root of it all. That fear is based in uncertainty, the unknown, the “other”, and various factors that are frequently weaponized to exert control over the collective consciousness.

For your own good or your protection, they tell you that you need to do this, that, or the other thing – or else risk suffering.

That’s the truest root of fear we’re sold. The fear of terrible suffering.

In The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho addresses this beautifully.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

But to speak to “your heart”, you need to be actively, consciously aware of yourself. Mindful. Mindfulness works only in the present. It’s here and now – not the past nor the future.

Ultimate mindfulness is recognizing what, why, where, how, and who you are. All of which can be summed up in one phrase of recognition.

I’m a human being – sitting at my desk, fingers on the keyboard.

Being is the key here. Being is both existence and the core of personhood. You are – in this form, reading these words – a human, being.

This ties into what Yoda truly means with my all-time favorite quote,

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

This can translate to – Be by doing or don’t be by not doing. Yes, I believe it’s that profound. But also that stupidly simple.

Photo by Lili Popper on UnsplashDon’t always reject the simple and obvious

When I’m teaching someone new to fencing various elements of swordplay, we reach a point where they recognize a trap when they see one. But then there’s a point where to fight in tournaments, they go through what we call an authorization process – a fight against an instructor to see if they are safe and have basic competence.

Often, as part of that, the person fighting the new fencer’s authorization leaves obvious holes and openings to see if they recognize them and will take them.

But apart from the authorization process, these are often the chess-like moves we set to misdirect our opponents into a trap so we can win the fight.

Life often shows us really obvious paths and options. Yet we get cynical and skeptical and anticipate how they’re more likely traps and tricks. Thus, rather than doing things the easy way – we do the opposite.

Being often gets relegated to this. Just being is too simple, too basic. It doesn’t address things like doing, having, wanting, desiring, or other similar concepts.

Here’s the question – how can you do, have, want, or desire if you’re not aware of being? Who, what, where, how, and why are you – here and now?

I’m a human being – sitting at my desk, fingers on my keyboard.

From there, what am I doing? Writing this blog article.

When I’m not doing – typing at the keys, watching these words hit the screen – I’m being. Thus, I’m a human, being.

Recognizing that feels powerful.

As a human, being, the potential and possibilities are endless.

Everyone is a human being, not a human suffering

While Buddhism will tell you that life is suffering – the word “suffering” is kind of a misnomer. A better interpretation of the concept might be that life is experiencing.

That means good, bad, amazing, awful, joyful, sorrowful – you’re experiencing it all. And so long as you draw breath and are alive, you ARE a human, being.

Suffering is frequently used to scare us. If you do “X”, you will suffer. When the “other” crosses the border, they’re coming to take your job and impoverish you. If you don’t buy “Z”, you’ll suffer tremendous humiliation. Everywhere you look you’re being sold both suffering – and cures for it.

It gets so bad that it soaks into your head, heart, and soul – to the point where you wonder if you are just a human suffering.

How disempowering is that? Is that all we’re here to do is struggle and suffer?

No. We’re here to experience. BUT – some experiences will inevitably lead to suffering. Yet more often than not – as quoted earlier – the fear of suffering is far greater than the suffering will be.

You are not a human suffering – you’re a human being. And that means you have all the power to be empowered, to make choices and decisions for who, what, where, how, and why you are.

The starting point is in and at this moment. It really is both that simple and profound.

For me, that looks like this: I’m a human being – sitting at my desk, fingers on my keyboard.

What does being a human – being, look like for you right here and now?

This is the six-hundred and twelfth (612) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

The post I’m a Human Being – Sitting at My Desk, Fingers on My Keyboard appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Do You Think You’re the Only One Feeling Uncertain?

Spoiler alert – you’re not the only one.Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

Though we tend not to talk about it in this way – COVID-19 changed the world.

First, we learned that many people, in the face of a public health crisis, will take extraordinary steps to protect themselves, those they care about, and even total strangers.

We also learned that many people will take advantage of a public health crisis for personal gain, are horridly selfish, self-centered, and that they couldn’t care less about the greater good.

Secondly, we learned that many of the in-office jobs could be done remotely, with greater efficiency, without the stress of commutes, and allowing more time for things not work-related.

We also learned that returning to the status quo pre-pandemic, micromanagement, and pointless oversight means more to many employers than the health and wellbeing of their employees.

Thirdly, we saw that social media, Zoom/Google Meet/MS Teams, and various other online media made it easy to stay connected – even when we needed to be physically separated for our wellness and wellbeing.

We also learned that social media and online conferencing software are inadequate replacements for human contact and interaction. Further, they tend to separate and divide us more than connect and unite us.

Here we are – a few years after the pinnacle of the crisis – and find ourselves left with the above paradoxes. For every good thing learned in the pandemic, a bad thing was learned, too.

Rather than address these things and use this as a growth opportunity, more often than not attempts are made to go back to how it was before. That has caused a largely ignored and unaddressed mental health crisis for nearly everyone.

That’s why – more likely than not – you’re feeling uncertain.

Feeling uncertain? You are utterly not alone

I had high hopes that maybe, just maybe, we’d emerge on the other side of the pandemic with a new sense of ourselves.

We’d all have a better sense of self, of being self-empowered, and of having control of our life experiences. Choosing to quarantine ourselves, maintain social distance, and masking would open us to seeing how interconnected we all are.

Maybe I’m naïve, and maybe that was overly optimistic. But I’d thought we might just learn a thing or two we could carry forward.

While some of us did – and have – others haven’t. All you have to do is look at the ongoing WGA/SAG-AFTRA strike to see the truth of the latter. The unadulterated greed of the studios and streaming services lacks basic kindness and compassion that everyone – especially the artists without whom they wouldn’t exist – deserves.

The result of this – and the extreme highs and lows so starkly realized during and post-pandemic – have exponentially increased feeling uncertain about life, the Universe, and everything. When you get the extremes so blatantly and loudly exposed – and the middle ground between them ignored, disregarded, or simply left invisible – it’s no wonder uncertainty is dominant like it is.

One of the most distressing elements of the lessons that were learned from the pandemic was how easily uncertainty can be weaponized to disempower us all.

When you are bombarded with conflicting info you can’t help but feel uncertain

Extremism was spotlighted during and immediately after the pandemic. Good and bad, extremes were highlighted as if they were directly in front of us all, in ways humanity has never experienced before.

The George Floyd murder and Black Lives Matter versus Trump and his cultist supporters. Scientists, doctors, and pharmaceutical companies versus anti-vaxers, science deniers, and politicians. The uber-wealthy versus everyone else.

Never before have we as a society had the technology for instant information. The immediacy of news and information gets used and abused to spread messages of fear, hate, distrust, and other negative emotions to make you and me uncertain.

When you get uncertain information poured over you like a never-ending waterfall, feeling uncertain will take root in your head, heart, and soul.

Why is nobody talking about this? Because uncertainty also says that talking about this could make you an outcast, pariah, or in some other way shunned.

Even the most introverted people need some degree of human interaction. Feeling uncertain means how that interaction might go is unknown. Thus, if it goes poorly – you might get less interaction in the future.

Fortunately, there is a way to alleviate feeling uncertain.

Photo by Omid Armin on UnsplashActive conscious awareness

Everyone has at least passive beliefs, values, and habits. These exist in our subconscious minds. Many are rote, routine, or just accepted by us as being what’s what.

However, everyone also has a conscious mind. That is where you can be actively aware of the world around you, where you are, who is with you, what you are taking in, and so on.

But more importantly, your active conscious awareness makes you aware of yourself. Specifically, your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That opens you to being more actively consciously aware of who, what, why, and how you are.

To do this takes effort and ongoing practice. But becoming actively consciously aware of yourself is genuine mindfulness practice.

All it takes is asking yourself – right here and now – questions including, but not limited to:

What am I thinking?What am I feeling?How am I feeling?What am I doing?What is my intention here?

Each of these questions can only be truly answered here and now. And that makes you actively consciously aware.

Mindfulness from this place can provide you with certainty. Because here and now you can see who, what, where, how, and why you are.

The biggest downside to this is that it’s not instantaneous, nor one-and-done. Inundated as we are by things that make us uncertain, it’s up to us to take it upon ourselves to practice mindfulness. Because it’s a practice, you must do it again and again, over and over.

However – it gets easier the more you do it. And the more you’re actively consciously aware, the less you’re uncertain about your life. Since your life is the only thing over which you have genuine, actual, factual control – this is a massively worthwhile practice to take up.

Facing towards positivity

Feeling uncertain tends to lead down a path of negativity. For lots of people, uncertainty leads to anxiety, insecurity, fear, depression, and other negative feelings and emotions.

This can, will, and does happen all the time. You can’t avoid it, disregard it, ignore it, or pretend it isn’t a thing. That – FYI – is what toxic positivity is (and does).

I view positivity and negativity as opposite extremes. Between them is a flexible cylinder where we all exist. Why flexible? Because positivity and negativity are not necessarily set in stone. What is positive today might be negative tomorrow and vice versa.

This can be utterly innocuous. For example, going to bed before midnight used to be hugely negative for me. I’d be up at 4am or 5am if I went to bed that early. Now, however, going to bed before midnight is hugely positive for me. I wake up without an alarm between 6 and 6:30am no matter when I go to bed. To get more beneficial sleep – it’s better for me to go to bed before midnight now.

Finally, because we exist on that cylinder between positivity and negativity, we can choose which way to face. Look and move toward the negative or look and move towards the positive? We have the power to choose.

You are worthy and deserving of making choices and decisions that alleviate feeling uncertain. When you and I work to do so actively, that can impact those around us. I believe that logic and reason – being applied via mindfulness – are good for the health, wellness, and wellbeing of all.

Moving away from feeling uncertain isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.

When you practice active conscious awareness – mindfulness – for you and your life experience, you can develop greater certainty to combat feeling uncertain. Knowing that feeling uncertain is often weaponized to disempower you, you can choose to use your active conscious awareness to work with your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions to find certainty for and in yourself.

This empowers you – and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts life in a way that opens more dialogue. With a broader dialogue, you can explore and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.

Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs an approach and attitude of positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.

The better aware you are of yourself in the now, the more you can do to choose and decide how your life experiences will be. When that empowers you, it can spread to those around you to their empowerment.

Thank you for coming along on this journey.

This is the five-hundred and first (501) entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

The post Do You Think You’re the Only One Feeling Uncertain? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

When You Get to the End, Will You Celebrate or Regret?

Life is full of choices both made and not made.Photo by Miikka Luotio on Unsplash

No matter what happens between now and tomorrow, your life will come to an end.

Sorry if that’s a very downer statement. But it’s a simple truth for everyone everywhere.

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, your social status, wealth or lack, or any other factor you can think of. Life ends for everyone.

You can look at this as a real bummer. You may also lament, rue, and otherwise desire to avoid this truth as much as you possibly can.

However, that can open you to an end result you might not want.

Avoidance of this, that, or the other thing – people, places, experiences – to protect yourself can serve many purposes. But if you do it all the time to avoid suffering, you close yourself off to living rather than merely surviving.

You are meant to experience life by living it, not merely surviving it. Because no matter what you do, it will end. But before that happens, here and now, you can address this via the choices you make.

The question might be off-putting, but still a worthwhile inquiry. When you get to the end, will you celebrate or regret?

The meaning of life

You get to choose to simply be, and go with life’s flow; to avoid pain, injury, failure, and other unpleasantries; to see life as one big shit show full of things to complain about and blame others for; or to live life, take chances big and small, and experience the adventure.

The quest for the meaning of life has roped in philosophers, scholars, gurus, and ordinary people with ordinary lives. They seek this great meaning and turn to God, forces of nature, and various other powers beyond themselves for enlightenment, answers, and comfort.

But what if the meaning of life is incredibly simple? What if the meaning of life is this:

LIVE

Do things, Experience things. Meet new people. Go to different places. Eat unique foods. Take the boat ride. Try skydiving. Take classes. Read books.

Do, have, be, experience. Give it a try (not the half-assed “Try not. Do or do not.” Yoda admonishes) to see what it does for you. See how it feels, if you like it or not, if it’s something you’d care to do again or not. Experience life by living.

With consent, kiss that person you want to kiss. Go out and have that exotic meal with the scary protein. Wake up in the middle of the night to watch the sunrise.

That’s the meaning of life, my friends. Living. Experiencing. Taking this one shot you get in that body you occupy to explore this world in this time.

Will you celebrate or regret at the end?

I don’t know who said it, but I once heard or read the following (can’t directly quote, but here it is):

At the end of life, you can either arrive undamaged, pristine, and whole – but unfulfilled – Or – You can skid across the finish line sideways, damaged, broken but unbowed, and cry out, “Whoo hoo, what a ride!”

Every choice you make or don’t make will produce a result. You will make both good and bad choices in your life. Some paths will work out while others won’t.

Of course, you’ll have painful experiences (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, all or a combination of these) where you’ll suffer. Those might cause you to hide away for a while, avoid pain, suffering, and making choices and decisions.

But you get to choose for how long that will be your way.

Here’s the thing – you have no idea how much time you’ve got. Take it from me – you can be going through the motions and just letting life happen, and then *bam*! You wake up in the hospital severely broken with no memory of how you got that way.

I was 27 years old. And I was nearly killed in a hit-and-run while crossing a busy street. But I survived, recovered, and have mostly thrived since.

I have my moments of languishing in my comfort zones. But then I do things, try things, and seek out experiences to live.

When I do reach the end – I plan to celebrate.

Hopefully, the end is far away from now. But here and now, I strive to experience and live my life.

Which path do you choose? Photo by MJ BlehartYou always have choices

To be fair, some choices are between bad and worse. Other choices might be between two evils. Yet they still exist. And you still get to make them.

But be careful not to put off too much of what you desire to do. That’s why I ask – When you get to the end, will you celebrate or regret?

If you currently are terrified of the end, look closer. Are you afraid you will have missed things? Do you fear that you’ll be regretful for all that you didn’t choose, chances you didn’t take, things you didn’t do?

Don’t let the fear of this keep you from looking at it. This might make the difference between reaching the end and celebrating or regretting.

If you haven’t done things up to now – start doing things. Make those choices, take the chances. Have those experiences.

BUT – and this is super important – this can only be in the here and now. Choices and decisions you already didn’t make in the past can’t be changed.

The past has passed and can’t be undone, redone, altered, or changed.

Here and now, however, you get to choose. The choice you make today – in this moment – can make a difference in what your end of life will look like.

Though I know it can be scary to consider – and deeply uncomfortable – please don’t disregard this. You have only one shot in that body, in this life, to live. The meaning of life is right there for you to take – and that is all about choices made now.

To celebrate or regret is a fluid concept

I made a bad choice on November 30, 1999. Rather than drive a quarter mile to the post office, I walked. And then I crossed a busy highway in the middle, rather than in a crosswalk.

I would spend a long time in nearly constant pain, ranging from dull to sharp. During the following year, I endured 3 surgeries, physical and occupational therapy, mobility issues, and challenges to recovering. To all intents and purposes, I lost a year of my life to that hit-and-run accident.

The poor choice that I made is regrettable. Had I driven or crossed in the crosswalk, would I be made of titanium now? What did I miss out on during that year I spent recovering?

But there’s another side to this coin.

I am the person I am today because of this. It made me stronger, wiser, and a lot more open to potential and possibilities. Rather than emerge weaker and head bowed, I emerged stronger, broken but unbowed, and gained invaluable lessons and insights about myself, life, the Universe, and everything.

This terrible incident could be the cause of regret from what might have been that wasn’t – or a celebration of a growth opportunity I chose to take.

Hence, to celebrate or regret is a fluid concept. And like all else – a choice to be made.

Mindfulness that the choice, the power, is yours

I hope that you are nowhere near the end of your life. And I hope that you can take this to heart and make new choices – here and now – to more likely celebrate than regret when you reach the end.

It will not be perfect all the time. Suffering is a natural, normal part of life. But not for the sake of suffering itself. Suffering in life occurs because suffering opens paths to new opportunities and possibilities.

When you practice active conscious awareness – here and now, in this moment – you practice mindfulness. That opens you to recognize and know what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, and what your intentions and actions are. That empowers you to take control of your life experiences.

When you practice being mindful here and now, you gain control of what you are and aren’t doing. That lets you make choices and decisions that will help you to experience life in new and unexpected ways.

It won’t always go how you hope for it to go. But then, what might you learn when that happens?

The choice, the power, is yours. You get to decide to celebrate or regret when you reach the end – however and whenever that might be.

Can you see how you can choose experiences and things – here and now – that will cause you to celebrate or regret when your life is eventually over?

This is the six-hundred and eleventh (611) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

The post When You Get to the End, Will You Celebrate or Regret? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Why Don’t Negative Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions Bring Positive Outcomes?

This is obvious, right? And yet…Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

I’ve met many people who are constant complainers.

This is wrong, that’s not right, those things are imperfect. People, places, things – they will find something to complain about.

What’s funny about this – not funny – is that they frequently add a complaint even to something good. We had a great experience at that restaurant – except for the waitress or It was a great rental car, but it smelled like air freshener or It was a great date, he just parts his hair to the left rather than the right, and it bothers me.

In addition to the constant complainers, there are lots of people who have ideas – but never execute them. Or worse, they have an excuse for why they won’t. These are the never-doers.

This isn’t the time or I need to lose 1000 pounds first or I don’t know how it can be done and so on. Something is always there that will get in the way of the execution of any given plan.

And then there are the people who blame other people, places, and things for their problems. I’m not talking about recognizing the culpability of another’s actions – like a drunk driver who wrecked your car. This is the person who blames everyone and everything for their lack.

The job market is crap, my parents were narcissistic pinheads, the boss is an asshole, “the man” is keeping me down, the sun always gets in my eyes, that mediocre guy got in my way, and the like.

And the cherry on top is that they wonder why their life isn’t how, what, where, or why they most desire for it to be.

Negative thoughts, feelings, and actions cannot bring positive outcomes. Why isn’t this obvious?

You can’t turn left if the wheel is turned to the right

Positive and negative are opposite ends of a spectrum. It’s not a coin. There is a huge space between positivity and negativity. That’s why I consider it a cylinder.

BUT – it’s not a solid cylinder. That’s because positive and negative don’t always remain as they are. Something positive today can become negative tomorrow. Hence – the flexible cylinder.

You and I exist between positivity and negativity. From that space between these extremes, we choose which direction we’re facing.

If you’re facing the negative on the right, you’re obviously not facing positive on the left.

More complexly, if you have your wheel turned towards negative on the right – complaining, not executing your ideas, or blaming others – then it should come as no surprise when you can’t face the positive in the opposite direction.

Yet people are constantly questioning this. Often, this is attached to a statement like “I’m a good person, why don’t good things happen to me?” or “I’ve done all the right things – why can’t I get what I desire?” and the like.

You can’t turn towards the positive when your steering wheel is turned towards the negative.

Positive outcomes require a conscious approach

To get the positive outcomes you desire for your life, you must take a positive approach.

What this is NOT is cheerful, blind, unwavering positivity. That’s toxic positivity. Also – it’s not how the Universe operates.

Shit happens. Period, end of story. You will experience bad things, suffering, loss, mental/emotional/spiritual and physical pain – because that’s life.

Every day you are alive is a new day. That means that every day, you get to choose how you face and approach what’s happening.

Constant complainers, never-doers, and blamers are choosing a negative approach. Odds are, they’re doing so wholly subconsciously. If they were conscious of this being negative, they might choose not to do it.

Conscious awareness can be both active and passive. This can be illustrated by driving a car. You are actively aware of the road in front of you, the steering wheel in your hands, your foot on the gas or brake, and so on. Passively, you’re aware of the cars around you, others in the vehicle with you, music on the radio (unless you’re singing along, which makes this active), traffic lights, and so on.

Choosing active conscious awareness is mindfulness. Mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions informs you – here and now, in the present – of who, what, where, how, and why you are. That opens the way for you to choose your approach – positive or negative.

Hence, if you’re a complainer, never-doer, or blamer, you can choose to change your approach via mindfulness.

Photo by Luis Villasmil on UnsplashThere is no quick fix

This takes time, effort, energy, and practice. It’s an ongoing process.

Every day is different. Today isn’t yesterday,  tomorrow won’t be today, and who knows what your day will look like in a week?

Things can, will, and do happen over which you have ZERO control. Relationships start and end, jobs are won and lost, people and pets die, and so on. This will impact the day you have positively and negatively.

However, you get to choose how long negative things impact you, as well as your overall day-to-day approach. But this is an ongoing, adaptable, ever-changing process.

There is no quick-fix solution to anything. Someone will tell you that they have a quick-fix solution – but odds are they’re actively selling you something. There is no genuine, real quick fix for anything.

Practice is the key. The best way to practice is via active conscious awareness. This means making choices and decisions on the regular.

This can be massively challenging. Our consumerist society is all about instant gratification and quick fixes. Authentic, positive outcomes are products of time, effort, and energy. They’re a satisfactory result of the work that goes into them.

Quick fixes are hollow because they’re not genuine. That’s why they’re not real.

You always have a choice

Are you alive? So long as the answer is yes – you have a choice.

I’m not saying the choice doesn’t necessarily suck. Sometimes your choices are between the lesser of two evils. But you always have a choice. And like any muscle, the more you exercise choosing, the stronger your choice muscles get.

Sometimes this feels like a lie. Certain choices don’t feel much like choices. But the only way to get positive outcomes is active choices for your life experience.

You can start small. Actively, mindfully choose what you’re wearing, what you eat, how you prepare your coffee or tea, scrolling through social media, and so on. The more actively you choose these, the more you strengthen your choice muscle overall.

Notice if you are a complainer, a never-doer, or a blamer. If you are – don’t get mad at yourself, frustrated, or otherwise negative. Forgive yourself, let it go. Don’t dwell on it or be down on yourself over it. Be mindful before you complain, do nothing, or blame again.

You have the power to create positive outcomes in your life. To do so, you must be mindful first if you are taking positive or negative approaches to life, the Universe, and everything.

No matter what approach you’ve been taking – you have the power to choose to change. Active conscious awareness is how that’s done. That power – the choice – is yours to make.

What will you do with it today?

Choosing your approach for positive outcomes isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.

When you recognize the space between the extremes of positivity and negativity – and which direction you’re facing or turning the wheel of your life towards – you gain the ability to alter your approach. Knowing that you always have a choice and can take control of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions via active conscious awareness – mindfulness – you can point your life in the direction necessary to find and/or create desirable positive outcomes.

This empowers you – and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts life in a way to open more dialogue. With a broader dialogue, you can explore and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.

Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs an approach and attitude of positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.

The better aware you are of yourself in the now, the more you can do to choose and decide how your life experiences will be. When that empowers you, it can spread to those around you to their empowerment.

Thank you for coming along on this journey.

This is the five-hundredth (500) entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

The post Why Don’t Negative Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions Bring Positive Outcomes? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

What Is a Cost Analysis of Life Choices?

Every choice you make has a cost. This is highly variable and subjective.Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

Sir Isaac Newton’s Third Law of Motion states,

“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

This is applicable, however, beyond the laws of motion. For anything and everything that you do – literal or figurative – there will be a reaction.

Some approach this from the notion that actions have consequences. I look at it as every choice you make is an action you take – while every choice you don’t make can stagnate.

All choices lead you somewhere. That somewhere could be good, it could be bad, or it could be relatively neutral. Not making a choice is also a choice and has the same outcome.

All life choices have a cost. Some are high-cost, some low-cost, and a few are largely cost-neutral. But recognizing and acknowledging the cost – by performing a cost analysis of life choices – can be enlightening and empowering.

What are life choice costs?

When you choose to do something, there’s often something else that you choose not to do. That’s what I mean by cost.

Allow me to clarify. I have had a recent situation where I had a choice to help someone or not help them. My gut reaction was not to help them. I was angry and annoyed by why they needed my help.

But then I did a cost analysis of this life choice. While I am annoyed and angry now, not helping them might lead to something I could potentially regret. The consequences of not helping them have a potential longer-term impact than the result of helping them in the now.

The short-term cost of anger and annoyance is less than the long-term cost of potentially far more unpleasant and longer-lasting consequences.

That’s a cost analysis of life choices.

The impact of a cost analysis of life choices

Upon performing the above cost analysis – looking at short-term and long-term results and ramifications that might come from the choice – the short-term anger and annoyance were of greater value than the long-term potentially worse consequences.

That’s what a cost analysis of life choices comes down to. If I choose “X”, what will come of it? What long-term or short-term issues will present? Will there be delight and/or relief – or – sadness and/or regret? What if I choose “Y” instead? What if I choose neither? Any of these will have a consequence or produce some sort of result.

What I have received from the cost analysis was beneficial. I didn’t choose what could lead to negativity and regret long-term, opting instead for the short-term cost. By doing this, I’ve made a clear choice – a mindful, consciously aware choice – here and now.

And I feel good and empowered by that choice.

Still annoyed over the issue at hand – but not so angry anymore. Thanks to performing the cost analysis of this choice, when I made it, I was empowered.

This feels very freeing. And it also leaves me feeling as though I have taken control.

Photo by Miltiadis Fragkidis on UnsplashMindfulness and life choices

Performing a cost analysis of life choices is an act of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is active conscious awareness. That’s the act of being present, here and now, and actively aware of yourself. Specifically, your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

All of these – thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – are ultimately under your control. That’s how genuine mindfulness works.

When you take that control for yourself, you are empowered by yourself to make choices.

Big or small, important or trivial, or anything in between – choices about you and your life are yours to make. And when you make them, you become empowered and assume control of what you can.

That’s mindfulness in action. Performing the cost analysis of life choices asks what the choices before you make you think, what and how you feel, what your intentions regarding the choice are, and what actions to take now, later, or not at all.

Performing a cost analysis of your life choices is an act of mindfulness. And that puts you in the driver’s seat – and ultimately puts you in control of the elements of life you can control. No matter who you are.

A cost analysis is an act of mindfulness. That opens you to making better-informed decisions and life choices.

What if your cost analysis of life choices is wrong?

There will be consequences. But no matter what you choose – or don’t – there will be results

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

Choose “X” or “Y” or not at all – there will be an outcome. There will be consequences. And sometimes you will choose wrong.

It’s inevitable. I’ve chosen wrong before. Likely, so have you. Welcome to being human.

Your cost analysis may tell you one thing and lead you to choose “X” over “Y”. If that turns out to be wrong, however – it’ll be a lot easier to rectify why.

That’s because you performed a cost analysis, if you choose wrong you’ve already vetted the matter – and might more readily understand what happened. And of course, there’s always the possibility that there was never a right choice anyhow.

Right and wrong are not what’s important. Making the choice empowers you and gives you control of your life experience. Even when what you chose didn’t work out, because you chose you assumed control over what you ultimately can and do control in life.

That’s worthwhile and makes you stronger. Choice is a muscle like any other. The more you exercise it the stronger it gets.

You empower yourself when you choose. It’s not the choice that’s important when compared to the act of choosing. Because choosing is taking control of your life experience in that moment of choice.

I think that’s incredibly worthwhile and empowering.

Have you performed a cost analysis of your life choices along the way?

This is the six-hundred and tenth (610) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

The post What Is a Cost Analysis of Life Choices? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

The Positivity of Being Your Truest Self Isn’t Easy

But it’s totally worth it – because you are worth it.Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

Are you your genuine self?

Maybe, like me, you’ve worn different masks in various situations. This was the “self” you presented to specific audiences, for diverse reasons.

One mask at work, one at school, one for friends, one for family, one in private, one in public. Group ‘X’ of people you spend time with get one mask, while group ‘Y’ gets another.

There’s nothing evil, dishonest, or deceitful in this practice. You most likely do this to maximize your acceptance by the people seeing you in that way.

It’s part of the human condition to be accepted by peers of various stripes. When you are rejected, you risk loneliness, sadness, and suffering. A worse fear is your overall survival. Even the most introverted people still might present different selves to different groups.

However, putting on different identities for particular groups can be exhausting. You’re not lying or being a fraud in any malicious sense. But when you’re not your truest self, you’re not wholly you. And that can tax your psyche in lots of ways.

I did this for a long time. I’d show myself one way to my friends, another way to my coworkers, yet another way to family, and so forth. While it helped develop acceptance and validation from those groups – it took me away from my truest self.

That’s where it gets the most problematic.

When you aren’t entirely you

When you show variations of yourself to different groups, you create a sense of self that’s not entirely true. The people-pleasing to gain acceptance can be great – when you’re among those people. But when you are with another group or on your own – you might start to have issues.

For example, if you work in a space filled with conservatives and you’re a liberal – that compromise you make by not being your genuine self can cause issues. You might start feeling displaced anger and resentment because you can’t be your truest self for long periods of the day. This can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

Human beings are made up of 4 elements when it comes to our health, wellness, and wellbeing. The 4 elements are,

Physical healthMental healthEmotional healthSpiritual health

Mental, emotional, and spiritual health – being utterly intangible – are often tied together under the label of mental health. The 4-part separation I work with makes it easier to recognize and identify impacted elements of health, wellness, and wellbeing – and then work on any issues that occur.

Not being your truest self – by wearing a different mask in separate groupings – will inevitably take a toll on your mental/emotional/spiritual health. Why? Because when you wear a mask long enough, you start questioning the truth of your truest self. You might be forming a false, disingenuous identity that is self-harming.

Acceptance by different groups can feel good in the moment you’re with them. But you – as a human being – have a fundamental, hard-wired need to find and be your truest self.

Not being your truest self makes it increasingly difficult and challenging to maintain your center and stability.

Photo by Chen YiChun on UnsplashFinding and being your truest self

Our society and culture tend to formulate “norms”. To be accepted and to fit in, we might adjust how we present ourselves so that we’re acceptable and don’t get rejected.

I’m sure there are plenty of people for whom this is fine. The societal norms are their norms. But they are not everyone’s.

I’ve never been “normal”. I was among a minority or two where I grew up, have routinely chosen paths that are not “normal”, and the like. This created a lot of contention in different groups I was part of. Thus, I put on one mask for my “self” for my family, another for my friends, another for coworkers, and so on.

Over time, this created and emphasized many mental/emotional/spiritual health issues for me. I didn’t much like myself – in part because I lost my truest self among the various masks I wore.

And I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this or something like it.

When I chose to integrate all the variations of my “self” that I showed both to myself and the world outside of me, more and more I became my truest self. I found that in doing so, it became easier to find balance and to center myself.

However – because change is the one and only constant in the universe – my truest self changes as I grow, learn, and experience life.

To find and be your truest self, all you need to do is employ active, conscious awareness – mindfulness.

Mindfulness – and why it’s positive

Mindfulness is a product of the here and now. It only works in the present – but it provides the answer to who, what, where, how, and why you are.

To access mindfulness, all you need to do is ask and answer – here and now – questions like,

What am I thinking?What am I feeling?How am I feeling?What are my intentions?What am I doing?

Since the answers to these questions can only be products of the now – you become actively, consciously aware. And that active conscious awareness shows you your truest self.

Finding and being your truest self allows you to be centered, balanced, and genuine. That will do wonders for your mental/emotional/spiritual health, wellness, and wellbeing.

What’s more, that allows you to look towards the positive end of the spectrum. This matters because positivity is more empowering than negativity. And that opens you to greater self-awareness, and the ability to work with and control elements of change.

We are far more powerful than most of us realize. Putting on different masks to show different selves for the sake of acceptance is actually disempowering. Why? Because we’re not being entirely authentic, both towards others and ourselves.

Being your truest self will drive some people away. But it will also draw people in – people who prefer you for yourself. Your truest self. That’s empowering – and hugely positive. It opens you to potential, possibilities, and living a life that is genuine for you.

There’s a lot of contentment, and potential joy and happiness in that. That’s something utterly worthwhile to me. How about you?

Being your truest self isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.

When you work on being your genuine, authentic, truest self, you become more whole – and find it easier to navigate life – because you aren’t altering how you present yourself depending on who you are with. Knowing that your truest self is authentic and genuine – even though it might push some away – it is more real, better for your health, wellness, and wellbeing, and opens all sorts of positive potential and possibilities.

This empowers you – and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts life in a way to open more dialogue. With a broader dialogue, you can explore and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.

Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs an approach and attitude of positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.

The better aware you are of yourself in the now, the more you can do to choose and decide how your life experiences will be. When that empowers you, it can spread to those around you to their empowerment.

Thank you for coming along on this journey.

This is the four hundred-and-ninety-ninth entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

The post The Positivity of Being Your Truest Self Isn’t Easy appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

When the People Who Share My Heart Don’t Get Me?

How do I handle this along life’s paths?Photo by Alexander Schimmeck on Unsplash

My family largely doesn’t get me.

They love me, I know that. But they don’t get me.

What does that mean? I do things, take approaches to matters, and live in ways that cause them to scratch their heads, wonder how I can possibly be content or happy this way, and probably question my sanity.

My dating habits and relationship choices in my 20s and 30s made no sense to them. That I never took any sort of normal, regular job as a true career path baffled them. And the whole medieval fencing and reenactment thing? That just confuses them on many levels.

But they are my family. Ergo, I share pieces of my heart with them. But because they don’t entirely get me, I’ve learned that some things are better kept to myself, and that sometimes I need to guard my heart.

You’d get me if you relaxed your expectations of me

If you’re reading this, mom, I apologize in advance for calling you out. (It’s much more probable that my stepdad is the one reading this).

My mom has always had large goals and expectations for me. She’s never been shy about this. In front of then-fiancé (now wife) she said, “He could have been anything he wanted to be – a doctor, a lawyer, or a merchant chief.”

To this day, based on something I said probably as a pre-teen, she reminds me that I promised to buy her a Mercedes when I became a wealthy success.

And I wonder where my overblown view of success comes from? (You can’t see the jazz hands – but this is sarcasm.)

Suffice it to say – I am not who or what my mom would like me to be. Though it’s not blatant or malicious, her disappointment and disapproval are expressed to me by her in various ways.

Put short and simply – my mom doesn’t get me. I’ve told her this – and she tells me that of course she gets me. But I know that she wants to get me – but doesn’t.

There is room for improvement in my life. But then, truth be told, I’m pretty sure there’s room for improvement in nearly everyone’s life. That’s why we grow, learn, and change.

Because I haven’t lived up to my mom’s expectations of me – she thinks I am not genuinely content or happy. But I am.

Because you know who does get me? I get me.

To thine own self be true

I’ve spent a lot of time getting to know myself.

Beyond getting to know myself, I’ve spent a lot of time learning to like and even love myself. Not in a conceited way – but in a healthy, self-caring, self-worth way.

For a long time, recognizing that the people who share my heart don’t get me, I tried to fit myself into their vision. But the more I did this, the more I saw how a square peg can’t fit into a round hole. And I was never happy or satisfied living like that.

I had to make a choice. Live my life for me or for them. No disrespect to the people who share my heart – but I had to live for me.

That means finding and walking the paths that are genuine and authentic to me.

Another important element of this that I’ve come to realize and embrace over the last decade or so is that, when all is said and done, being genuine and true to myself is more important than whether you or anyone else gets me – or not.

Photo by Sebastian Bill on UnsplashI get me, you get you

A recent conversation with my wife – the person other than me who most gets me – sparked this topic. Because I realized we have another shared commonality between us that I’m not sure either of us recognized or voiced before.

The people who share her heart – her family – don’t get her.

The realization of this – in context – is new. But it prompted me to ask this question – when the people who share my heart don’t get me, how do I handle this?

The answer has been to continue to get myself. I keep working on being consciously aware – mindful – of who, what, where, how, and why I am.

And rather than try to be who they believe I am or should be – I will love them and keep being me, even if they don’t get me.

That’s because they don’t need to get me. Just like I don’t need to get them. Or you.

You don’t need to get me. You need only to get yourself.

Understanding and knowledge of self is frequently ignored in school, society, and the collective consciousness. That’s why self-care is too often seen as selfishness, and mental health often carries a stigma of one sort or another with it.

Self-awareness is getting yourself. But genuine self-awareness isn’t one-and-done. Which complicates everything in our quick fix, instant gratification culture. And that’s because who I am – right now – isn’t who I was even yesterday, or who I will be tomorrow.

That’s because change is the one and only constant in the universe. And awareness of the self changes as the self inevitably changes.

But getting myself has been utterly worthwhile.

Choosing my own paths

Recognizing and acknowledging that the people who share my heart – my family – don’t get me, could be seen as a negative.

I want the people who share my heart to get me. But I can only be me, and I can’t think or feel for anyone else.

So it’s not a negative that the people who share my heart don’t get me – it simply is.

Recognizing and acknowledging this has allowed me to embrace my eccentric, weird, geeky self. Rather than keep stiving to be someone I’m not, I’m striving to be me. The genuine, authentic, true me that I am.

For me, this has meant choosing my own paths. Despite challenges, imperfections, obstacles, and other issues along those paths – choosing my own paths has led to a more content, fulfilling, and happier existence overall.

Sure, there’s room for improvement. I’m working on that constantly. But that’s life in general. I see this work as growth, possibilities, and potential. And the work it entails excites me.

Sure, the people who share a piece of my heart don’t get me – but they don’t need to get me. I need to get me. Then I can continue to walk the paths of my choosing to be who, what, where, how, and why I desire to.

There are days I wish that they got me. But I also know that it doesn’t wholly matter – because I love them and they love me.

How do you handle the people who share your heart but don’t entirely get you?

This is the six-hundred and ninth (609) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post When the People Who Share My Heart Don’t Get Me? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Be Yourself – Because You Can’t be Anyone Else – And That’s Good

Just remember – being yourself is not a license to be a dick.Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

Who are you?

This is a massively loaded question. Who you are can vary depending on the time of day, the company you’re keeping, your mood, and numerous other factors.

The short answer is that you are you. No matter what happens, the only one in your head, heart, and soul is you.

Yet being yourself can be challenging because of the need to be accepted.

You might be someone who guards your tongue, acts a certain way in one group but a different way in another, or otherwise shapeshifts as necessary. Hence, you might often find yourself in situations where you think and feel you can’t be yourself.

But the truth is that you are always yourself. And you should be yourself because you can’t be anyone else.

Ever wonder what the world would look like if you – and everyone – could just be yourself?

Kindness, compassion, and empathy matter

In the United States, over the past decade or so, you’ve probably noticed a trend. Certain people, claiming liberties, rights, privileges, and the like – in the name of being themselves – have been utter dicks to everyone else.

That’s because a key element of being yourself gets ignored. And that’s kindness, compassion, and empathy.

Everyone desires to be treated with kindness, compassion, and empathy. But this has gotten bulldozed by some very loud, very selfish and narcissistic people falsely expressing being themselves.

This isn’t a judgment – it’s the truth. Thank too many entitled examples, bad actors, and so-called leaders with naught but self-interest for this. They’ve tossed aside kindness, compassion, and empathy to force their way on you and everyone else. They don’t lead by example but by fiat, shame, and arrogance.

Thus, people who are lauded for “being themselves” set bad examples that scared, uncertain, and lost people follow.

You have a choice. But consider this – do you desire to receive kindness, compassion, and empathy from others?

You probably do. Because you want people to understand you, to get you, and to accept you on many levels. And kindness, compassion, and empathy are part of all the above.

Hence, being yourself means that kindness, compassion, and empathy matter.

Being yourself means being true to yourself

Have you ever created a version of yourself that you presented to one group or person but not another? And has that identity been difficult to maintain because – though created to gain acceptance by another – it wasn’t true to you?

That’s why being yourself means being true to yourself. It’s the only way to really, truly, genuinely know and be you.

But – you might think – what if nobody likes the genuine me?

That’s a good question. But here’s a better one – do you like the genuine you?

It’s all too easy to dislike yourself. Particularly when you’re surrounded by people blatantly and subtly judging you, analyzing what you do, and the like.

Then – just to complicate matters – you’re up against a fear-based society. Thus, everything you do you probably also judge too harshly.

Fun, right?

There is, however, a singular measuring stick you can use to be yourself and regulate your impact on the world around you.

Photo by Nik on UnsplashDon’t be a dick

That person who kicks puppies? They’re a dick. The people who take and take and give nothing back, creating complications for others? They’re dicks. That person who treats everyone like they’re sheep and worthless? They’re a dick.

And there is a common thread to this – kindness, compassion, and empathy. Or a lack thereof.

You know right from wrong. Not the black and white variants, but the shades of greys and color between them. You know not to randomly murder people just because, not to shove every slow walker on the street before you out of the way, not to urinate on public sidewalks, and so on.

If you think something someone does makes them a dick – don’t emulate them. Don’t do what they do. Don’t be a dick.

It’s a surprisingly simple measure.

If you find that being yourself somehow opens the way to being a dick – consider if you are genuinely, truly being yourself.

Hey, maybe you are a dick? You, and you alone, know.

You can only be you

At the end of the day, you are you. Yes, it’s possible to emulate or impersonate someone else. And sometimes the example they set is a good one to follow. But when all is said and done, being yourself is good.

When you are your genuine, authentic self, you don’t need to keep track of how you differ from group ‘A’ to group ‘B’. There’s no need to remember changes to yourself to be acceptable – you are just being yourself.

The positivity that comes of this is that you can work on being the best you that you can be. And that’s something that you are worthy and deserving of. Because – unless you’re a dick and don’t care – you are amazing.

The world needs your unique self in it. Because even if the why isn’t entirely clear – that is why you are here. To be yourself – and all the good and bad, potential and possibilities – that comes with it.

To be yourself and not be a dick isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.

When you work on being your genuine, authentic self, you gain insight into where and how that’s good and bad, and how to maintain, improve, alter, or otherwise change that. Knowing that being yourself is the only person you can be, working with and from this via conscious awareness – mindfulness – opens all sorts of positive potential and possibilities.

This empowers you – and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts life in a way to open more dialogue. With a broader dialogue, you can explore and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.

Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs an approach and attitude of positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.

The better aware you are of yourself in the now, the more you can do to choose and decide how your life experiences will be. When that empowers you, it can spread to those around you to their empowerment.

Thank you for coming along on this journey.

This is the four hundred-and-ninety-eighth entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post Be Yourself – Because You Can’t be Anyone Else – And That’s Good appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Should You Open Yourself Up and Share With More People?

You alone have the answer – but here’s why I think it’s YES.Photo by Klara Kulikova on Unsplash

Secrets can be useful in many ways.

When it comes to national security, for example, certain secrets keep people from hacking into various systems and shutting down the power grid or something equally bad.

Secrets also can make room for surprises. You can’t throw a good surprise party for someone if you don’t make secret plans and keep that someone out of the loop.

But secret-keeping can become habitual. Things that don’t need to be secret become closely guarded, and you share less and less. Before you know it, you’re a mystery to most who encounter you.

This, unfortunately, can lead to a bigger issue. The more secrets you keep, the more closed you become. When you become more closed, you start to be a mystery not just to those who encounter you – but also to yourself.

One way to counter this is by sharing with more people. But should you? Thar depends on a lot of factors.

Let’s begin by defining what opening up and sharing might be worth including.

What should you share?

You have secrets nobody else needs. Hence, you shouldn’t share your bank account number, SSN, PINs, passwords, and so on.

When you approach this from a less literal notion of sharing – it’s time to talk about mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

It is still incredibly taboo to discuss mental health matters with others. There is a stigma attached to sensitivity, depression, anxiety, and other greater and lesser mental health issues. You might be loathe to share if you’re in therapy, taking an antidepressant or antianxiety medication. It’s often implied – if not stated outright – that to share with more people is to make yourself more vulnerable.

And that’s the rub. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Why? Because being vulnerable makes you an easier target for derision, ridicule, shame, and more.

Or does it? What if opening yourself to share with more people – and the vulnerability that comes with that – is actually empowering?

Open yourself up and share with more people

When you’re closed off, you’re like a wall. Impassible, often in the way, creating division.

Ever run into a wall? Ever reach a wall and become increasingly frustrated by how it’s in your way? Likely, you have.

When you share with more people, you offer a door or a window rather than a frustrating wall. You become someone that can be connected with. And just because you open yourself up and share with more people doesn’t mean you can’t maintain some walls and privacy.

The trouble comes when you are so private that you’re disconnected. Disconnect can make you feel increasingly alone, lost, and separated.

Even the most introverted people need to make connections. It’s part of human nature. And connecting walls creates blockages between you and all else.

Choosing to be vulnerable by opening yourself up to share with more people can be scary. But is it worth it?

Photo by Klara Kulikova on UnsplashYou are worth it

What matters most is recognizing and acknowledging that you, ultimately, are worth it.

And what does that mean? It means your mental, emotional, and spiritual health are just as worthwhile and deserving as your physical health. The holistic picture that makes you, you, is something you are worthy of that’s equally worthy of you.

When you don’t share yourself – you become increasingly disconnected. That can lead to lower self-esteem, greater uncertainty, and a sense that you simply don’t belong.

If you fight depression, anxiety, or have any other diagnosed mental health issue, this can be especially disconcerting and challenging. You might build more walls to protect yourself. But in doing that, you lock yourself up and close yourself off.

That doesn’t improve your life experience. Most likely it has the opposite effect.

When you open yourself up and share with more people, you might become more vulnerable. But guess what? That just makes you more human.

Everyone feels vulnerable. It’s not a weakness. You will face the unknown and uncertainty about both yourself and the world around you – and feel vulnerable. Welcome to the human condition.

But you are worth it. Because when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, that’s a kindness.

Share with more people kindness, compassion, and empathy

Vulnerability is no weakness. Instead, it’s a form of kindness, compassion, and empathy.

This is true both towards yourself turned inwards and towards others turned outwards.

The notion of vulnerability as weakness has been increasingly weaponized in Western society. Whole cults of people prey on faux vulnerability.

Why faux vulnerability? Because the perception of vulnerability as a weakness is a lie. The truth is that kindness, compassion, and empathy – which everyone desires – tie directly to vulnerability.

What is vulnerability, then? It’s a door or a window in the wall. It’s a way within that shows the world without how similar you are to nearly everyone.

People lash out from fear. But the truth is that being vulnerable isn’t a weakness at all. It’s a path to connectivity between you and everyone.

That can still be scary. But isn’t finding and creating more connectivity better than going it alone?

Food for thought. But that’s why the answer to the question – from the perspective shared here – is yes.

Do you think you should open yourself up and share with more people?

This is the six-hundred and eighth (608) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

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The post Should You Open Yourself Up and Share With More People? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

You Don’t Need to Reclaim Your Past to Heal Your Past

You can only learn from the past but can’t return to it.Photo by Wladislaw Peljuchno on Unsplash

Do you have trauma from your past? Have you experienced pain, suffering, sadness, and the like?

If you’re human, then you probably have had some or all of the above experiences. Some of them you probably don’t ever desire to recall or return to again. But some you might desire to redo or undo, and others you might desire to return to – with what you know now as opposed to what you knew then.

The trouble with the past is that it has passed. It has come and gone and can’t be returned to, reclaimed, redone, or otherwise revisited.

You might think that to move forward in your life, it’s important to reconcile with your past. To some degree, that’s true. But you can’t reconcile with your past by reclaiming it.

Reconciling vs reclaiming

The past had a major hand in making you who you are in the present. Experiences, environments, education, family, friends, associates, everything you’ve done and everywhere you’ve been played a part in making you who you are, now.

That includes all the highs and lows and everything in between.

You’re not the only one who has elements from their past that they’re not proud of. You made mistakes, messed things up, chose poorly, and did things big or small that you have at least a modicum of regret about now.

Reconciling this is different from reclaiming it.

You can reconcile your past by recognizing and acknowledging it. Good or bad, this is far better than avoiding and ignoring your past. You cannot reconcile what you don’t both recognize and acknowledge.

This can be painful. Many episodes from your past are undesirable at best, horrific at worst. But here’s the key to recognizing and acknowledging your past – it’s done. It’s gone. The past has passed by and can only harm you if you let it.

You might find that harsh – but it’s simply true. The past is not the present. Here and now, it can’t hurt you.

You can reconcile the past in that you can release it, learn from it, and move through the present with greater wisdom. What you can’t do is reclaim your past.

There is no going back. The past can’t be rewritten, redone, or otherwise changed. Despite lots of efforts on many levels of society personal and impersonal that aim to do just that.

You might believe that reclaiming your past is how you move forward. But trying to reclaim your past is impossible – because it’s gone.

You can’t reclaim your past to heal your past

You might think you need to reclaim your past to heal your past and move forward. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Why? Because your past can’t be reclaimed. Simple as that. It has come and gone. There’s no returning to it, reworking it, or otherwise reclaiming it. And that’s because it’s now just thought, feeling, and memory.

This becomes problematic because your thoughts, feelings, and memories of the past are imperfect. They’re biased, colored by nostalgia and trauma, and are most likely better or worse than the past truly was. That’s not to say that the bad wasn’t horrific and traumatic – just that your past is never perfectly remembered.

Hence, reclaiming your past is impossible. This is why you can’t reclaim your past to heal your past.

How do you heal your past? The truth is – you can’t. You can only heal from the past. And that’s done via mindfulness here and now.

Mindfulness to heal from the past

Mindfulness is active conscious awareness. It’s being wholly present, here and now.

The difference between active mindfulness and passive mindfulness is focus. You can be both actively and passively consciously aware. For example – driving. You’re actively aware of the road in front of you, the wheel in your hands, and your foot on the gas or brake pedals. Meanwhile, you’re passively aware of the cars around you, weather conditions, traffic lights, passengers in the car with you, and the like.

Active mindfulness employs intentions and actions. These allow you to make choices and decisions for who, what, where, how, and why you are. That opens you to delve into your subconscious self.

Your subconscious is where your beliefs, values, habits, and memories live. Ergo – this is where your past still exists.

Because your past exists in your subconscious, it’s not in any way, shape, or form tangible. It simply exists, floating in the background as memory, thought, and emotion.

By being actively consciously aware – and practicing mindfulness as such – you can address, explore, examine, recognize, and acknowledge your past. But know this – that trauma might still sting, but it only holds power over you when you allow it to.

That might seem rude, but it’s still true. And you shouldn’t disregard PTSD and other trauma. That’s not what this is about. This is about using your head, heart, and soul to work some healing on yourself.

Photo by Hadija on UnsplashYou have more power than you realize

It can feel as if your past defines you now – and will continue to do so into the future. You might believe that you will always have your past like a cloud hovering over you. This is especially true of trauma, PTSD, abuse, and the like.

This is a brutal statement, but nonetheless true: so long as you believe that, you’re right. Your past will haunt you for as long as you allow it to.

You have the power to change that.

It might be painful and unpleasant. It requires you to recognize and acknowledge your past. You can’t ignore, disregard, blow off, or otherwise forget your past. Neither can you blindly, willfully forget, forgive, and pretend it never was. That won’t reconcile a thing.

Letting your past define your present and/or your future is a choice you make. And you have the power to do with that what you will. But knowing you don’t need to reclaim your past to heal your past can free you to make different choices and decisions here and now.

That can open you to a lot of potential and possibilities for improvement of your life on many levels.

That’s a whole lot of power that you’re worthy and deserving of.

Recognizing that you don’t need to reclaim your past to heal from it isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.

When you recognize and acknowledge that your past has come and gone, and only has power over you as you allow it to, you can see how it can be reconciled – but doesn’t need to be reclaimed. Knowing that everyone has past bad experiences, and things they’d also like to take care of, you can see you’re not alone and that overcoming and reconciling the past is doable.

This empowers you – and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast cylinder that exists between them – shifts life in a way to open more dialogue. With a broader dialogue, you can explore and share where you are between the extremes and how that impacts you here and now.

Choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions for yourself employs an approach and attitude of positivity for realizing amazing potential and possibilities for your life.

The better aware you are of yourself in the now, the more you can do to choose and decide how your life experiences will be. When that empowers you, it can spread to those around you to their empowerment.

Don’t you think that’s a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share?

Thank you for coming along on this journey.

This is the four hundred-and-ninety-sixth entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

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The post You Don’t Need to Reclaim Your Past to Heal Your Past appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.