M.R. Pritchard's Blog, page 38

Zombie Friday

Why wait for a real Zombie bite...

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One Writer's Dilemma: The dreaded first sentence

Does the first sentence of a 80,000+ word novel make or break a read?
Every single day, when I turn on my computer and read the latest updates from writers, agents, and publishers, there is always a story or a contest or a "lets hear" about the opening sentence.
According to our great leaders in the publishing world, the opening sentence is the sweet spot to get your readers hooked and  keep them reading.





 

So agents want your first 5 pages. 
They will judge your writing and your entire story based on those first 5 pages.
And for a long time, I've just followed along like a little puppy listening to all the jewels of knowledge that they've bestowed on me. I've worked and re-worked my opening sentences and my opening paragraphs.

So I wrote this novel in which I was very wary of the first 5 chapters. I wanted to take them out and start at a different point, but all my beta-readers said "no," they loved the first 5 chapters. And it seems like my readers like them also.

But you know what, never got an agent to look at my work, never got me a book deal.
I find it hard to trust in people who are determining what the reader wants, when the reader can tell us what they want.



 


So will the first sentence or few chapters make or break a read?
I don't think so.
I don't think that as writers we should be aiming to please the Big 6 (or is it 5 now?) and what they think readers want, because you know what, there's plenty of crap out there touted as great that I'm not very fond of. Heck, they even have some pretty shitty opening sentences.



Let's look at some examples of current Amazon Best-Sellers:

Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Claire
"I'm afraid," said the little girl on the bed. "Grandfather, can you stay with me?"

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
"When I think of my wife, I always think of her head."

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
"Late in the winter of my seventeenth year, my mother decided I was depressed, presumably because I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, read the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted quite a bit of my abundant free time to thinking about death."
(Dear Lord, I'm waiting to get legal papers on that one, that opening sentence is actually an opening paragraph...)

The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."

The Host by Stephanie Meyer
"I knew it would begin with the end, and the end would look like death to these eyes."


--------------------  
Now, my fellow writers, or people who just visit for fun, do you consider these strong opening lines? Are these crappy books?  No.  And I didn't drop them upon reading the first sentence.  Would you toss out a book because you didn't like one of these lines?

I'm of the opinion that, no, you wouldn't.You spent your hard earned money on a book, and you invested your time in deciding if you would like it before you bought it.


Publishers and agents can tell us all they want about the opening line or opening paragraphs, they can throw our work back in our faces, they can request edits, they can tell us to work harder, or tell us to drop it because it's no good.
But I get the feeling that readers buy books based on what other readers have said. Not what the publishing companies think people want to read. I say this, because I read a lot, and that's exactly what I do.
I ask people what they're reading and I read book reviews from real-live humans. 

 

This is why I gave up on the publishing industry.I chose my books by word of mouth.

I chose books that have been suggested to me by people I trust.
I don't pick up the Bestseller, because it's easy for an author to buy their way to the Best Sellers list. 
It's easy for a product to be pushed in your face. 







Don't believe me? Turn on PBS, let your kids watch for a few hours and then see how many times they ask to go to Chuck-e-Cheese. 
Works the same for adults.
Works the same for most advertising, books included.




 
Is your first sentence going to make or break a story?
I don't think so.
Don't let others judge you based on a single sentence you've written. Don't judge a book by it's cover. You never know, what comes after that first sentence, or the first few chapters, could be the best book you've ever read.

What do you think?

The locals getting a little excited

Oswego area is setting for local author's first sci-fi novel  

The Secret Formula for a Bestseller

I think I see that some authors have found a new formula for creating Bestsellers. 

And I am about to let you all in on the secret...
(drum roll please)
Unicorns

 
Yes, unicorns. 

Now you may have read some Bestsellers lately and thought to yourself: 
I never saw a unicorn in there.
I would know if I saw a mythical beast in a book...




Let's review the formula for these New Adult/Young Adult Contemporary Bestsellers (no, I'm not going to name names, or titles, because that's mean and douchy):  



 


Hunkybroodingbadboymanchild + Shakespearean dialog + super in touch with emotions =  Protagonist's love interest  *Ka-Blam*
Bestseller!
That my friends is a fucking unicorn



 And here's a newsflash: 
there is no brooding football player/bad-boy/vampire/werewolf that will fulfill this formula these young men don't exist
anywhere
not even in the mountains of North Korea. (go to that link and read, it will enrich your life)

 
Don't get me wrong. When I completed these books my initial reaction was that I really liked them. I even re-read some parts. It's when I sat back for a few weeks and thought about them and what makes them so successful and great and awesome, that I figured this out.




Now, I have to retreat to my usual science fiction. 

Reading these chick-flick novels is turning my insides all soft and gooshey.

Zombie Friday!

One Writer's Dilemma: How I lost my Mojo

 So I did this crazy thing a few weeks ago: I self-published my first novel. 
Why did I self-pub?Because after weeks and months of querying and playing the waiting games and reading rejection letters while everyone who read it (yes, there were people I don't know who read it) said they loved the book, I gave up on the traditional publishing game.It's not like I jumped-the-shark.
I thought about it for a long time.
I study things before I dive in. I study them hard.I read, I watch, I listen.And you know what I've seen: The gigantic shift to the digital world.When I saw more and more agents self-publishing their own works, when I read what's on Amazon's top100 list, when I read the last novel touted as "The Next Bestseller," 
I knew I had to try the self-publish route.So I did it. And I was happy to finally get my work out there.I was excited to see how many people bought the book.I was happy to hear how excited my family and friends and co-workers were. (mostly because I never told any of them I wrote books in my spare time.)


And then it hit... the anxietythe nervousnessthe feeling of wanting to vomit everything I atethe checking of my salesthe checking of my Amazon reviews 76 times a daythe hanging off of every-last word a reviewer wrotethe feelings of guilt and failure for letting my readers down because I couldn't afford an editorthe judgementsthe bullyingthe constant feeling that I needed to get up on my "social media platform" and say something to defend myself so I didn't look like a fake and a loser.
And the worst thing that happened: I've barely written two paragraphs these past few weeks.


So I started doubting myself, 
I started doubting my work, 
I started regretting that I had even started writing again.
People told me to calm downto relax
and I did with a few bottles of wine and some Captain Morgan's
I tried to relax and read some books.





And you know what I saw in the middle of reading Neil Gaiman's American Gods?  At least 15 errors...

 Did I jump on Amazon and write about it? Did I send him a Twitter and tell him? Did I send him a personal e-mail? Did I change my impression of his novel from a 5-star read to a 1-star? 



No!Because other than a few punctuation errors (even with a traditional publisher) it's a great fucking book. It's well written and entertaining. 

I started criticizing everything I was reading.
Heck, I even noticed the President of the United States has crappy grammar.
I felt myself turning into some judgmental, bitter person. 
And that's not me.



And so I remember that's why I read so much. For entertainment. I don't read to rip someone's work apart. If it's not for me I move on.
 
I made my credentials clear on my author profile and everywhere I write.Let me repeat them here:I have a B.S in Biochemistry and an A.A.S in Nursing

 I do not have a degree in Literature. I am not an English teacher. I am not Shakespeare.
I am not Ernest Hemingway.
You want to know  how I received my High-Honor Roll grades for in English class? It wasn't for my excellence in grammar... it was for my effort.
Yes, I got an A for effort.  Not an A for being an asshole to other people.



 So I apologize if the few grammar and punctuation errors are causing anyone severe distress.If you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "What a dumb-ass, she should get an editor, her book sucks monkey-balls," I suggest you swing on over to Matthew Mather's website and take a look at his post: "In defense of my “indie” brothers and sisters." 




(And then go screw yourself douchelord.  You got my book for FREE or $2.99. And if you went-all-in and bought the paperback, I make no profit off the paperback. I set the price low for a reason. I know there are a few errors.  So if you don't like it, burn it.)
Oh shit... How did that get in there? 
Must be my split-personality.


Since I really want to start writing again and finding joy in it like I used to I've made a promise to myself and my husband (who's ready to send me to the nut-house) 
I'm done checking reviews. 
I'm tired of constantly feeling like vomiting or the need to damage my liver.
I'm not sure I'll look at my Amazon page again. 

So if you're the grammar police don't read my books until I can afford an editor.

And if you're a fan I can promise you the next book is even better than the first. 

Or at least that's what all my beta-readers have said.



And if you can get past the few errors you're like the most amazing person in the world.
____________________________________________________________________
Suggestion of the day: Invest in a Unicorn. I hear they make great pets. I hear they write with perfect grammar. I hear they can edit like the NY Times. I hear they can help any douche-lord's cold-dead heart beat again.

The Importance of Proper Character Description

When writing a character description, don't underestimate the impact of facial hair...
Unless said character is a womanthen it's best not to mention facial hair.

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On Critiquing

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Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your suggestions. I'm glad you enjoyed the book. 
-M

The Phoenix Project - Paperback Release!

Don't have a Kindle? or Kindle app?
Great news: The Phoenix Project is now available in paperback!!
$8.99 in the Amazon store


Want to know what people are saying?See one of the many 5-star reviews below: