Evan Sanders's Blog, page 78

Those Beautiful Masks We Wear

 

But they are so pretty…you know…those masks we wear.

Yes – and they are incredibly dangerous.

When I first started this project, I was definitely aware of the fact that I had a few masks. I had the one I would wear when I was around big groups of people I didn’t know. I had one that I would wear around pretty girls. I had developed a few through trying to be different personas of the person I thought I should be. So it’s safe to say there were a few and definitely a few more than I have named here.

They were beautiful. Adorned to the 9’s. Intricate. But oh so delicate. And in the end, when the masks would come off…there was just me. But I didn’t like that version at all…so as much as I could…back goes on the mask.

“Reveal everything there is to know about yourself and let the chips all where they may.” – Meet Joe Black

That quote right there, was probably one of the most well-timed pieces of content I have ever digested in my life. Fear will stop you from showing yourself to the world or at a minimum…causing your to present only one foot forward. You can start to believe that your mask is the thing that is saving you from being teased, bullied, humiliated etc. I know what that feeling is like. But the truth is – that mask you wear is actually the thing holding you back from what you could be. That’s the truth. The mask itself and the feeling of safety it gives you because it shades you from others seeing you as you really are is the biggest lie in the world. There is no safety in it…only a constant punishing of yourself.

I can’t be hard on people who are wearing masks. I’ve been there. I’ve been there so many times it’s not really funny to me when I think about it at all. I have sympathy for those who are scared to present themselves to the world as they really are. Because honestly, that is what they really need. They need someone to understand them instead of ridicule them. Humiliating someone for wearing a mask only makes the situation worse. We are all fighting very difficult battles and need to understand each other more instead of putting each other down. Seems to be a rarity these days however.

But there comes a point where the mask is so grim that you have to walk away. You have to walk away because you are wasting your time and time is the most precious commodity you have. These masks other wear can go from simply being scared to be themselves to something much darker and troubling. These masks can be shaped out of jealousy, manipulation, dishonesty and even hate. Those are the hardest to pull off your face – and you’re the one that’s going to have to do it.

I see it a lot. I saw it in myself a long time ago and had to rip and tear to get it off. But today, I see it in the people my age and the constant development of this culture which is about swag, women, clubs, drugs, sex, and so much else…pretty much tossing away love for lust and extremely short-term fixes. These snap fixes seem fun but they drip dry your soul and tear the rest of your morals and values out along with it.

I stopped going to parties my senior year of college because I couldn’t stand the energy at them. Granted there were some that were fun, but all in all, that negative darkness I felt as guys and girls were almost on the hunt for each other while intoxicated and

Accountability is in low supply as well.

Personal accountability is an absolute gift. While it sucks at times, being able to understand that you are responsible for yourself and the things you say and do is a great thing. It frees you up from thinking that life just happens to you and you can’t possible create your own path. Nothing good and pure develops from someone who can’t take accountability for themselves because there’s no integrity in it. No sense of responsibility or duty.

If you take it a step further, accountability means also being accountable to the way you make others feel about themselves via the things you do and say. Mostly the things you do…but words can also make an incredibly big impact. When you start caring about the things you do, then others, then the group…then eventually the community and society…you develop into someone much greater. You become more and more actualized and that brings you mounds of happiness. But when you fail to start with yourself…those masks will continue to creep up and become harder to take off over time.

Take off your masks.

– Evan Sanders

Those Beautiful Masks We Wear is a post from: Inspirational Stories About Life

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Burning Paths

“We can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of hell. One inch, at a time.”

Our footsteps are the imprints we leave on this world. Do not be mistaken if you don’t leave a physical print behind…because there are far greater impressions we can leave than simply what we touch. We are capable of so much more. If you start to believe that your purpose makes an impact, that the things you say and do send ripples out into the universe, and that your presence to someone in need can create change, you have opened up a can of wisdom that will never stop producing.

I’ll tell you when it changed for me.

For the first couple of years writing I saw the stats of my total subscribers and daily views climbing. I watched as the world map filled up with people everywhere tuning into The Better Man Project to read what I had to say. Even through thousands and thousands of comments, I was unsure about the actual impact my writing was making on people’s lives. I wouldn’t hear the stories beyond a one or two sentence comment about it being great, so I was left in the dark. Maybe it was the fact that it’s hard to see the picture when you are in the frame…or if I’m going to drop another analogy…the rest of the storm when you are in the eye of it. Needless to say, I was unsure of myself and my mission.

That all changed from one letter.

About a year ago, I received a very deep and emotional letter from a cancer patient who had been reading my work for a long time and said that my writing helped keep her positive, even through the worst of times, and helped save her life. That letter is still saved in my inbox…and meant the world to me because it changed the way I saw my writing. For the first time, it became very clear to me that I am not a static force. I don’t have to be simply playing within myself, but rather I can literally touch the lives of people everywhere without actually being in front of them.

One of the greatest gifts of introspection I have ever come across is understanding that the world is incredibly fluid, full of moving parts and energy, and that your actions can literally create massive ripples in the universe.

 

When I came to understand that I opened so many doors for myself. I understood that if I threw everything I could into my writing that someone on the other end, whether I would see them or not, would feel that. They would understand that I am not trying to relate to them on a case by case basis…but rather through emotions. I found skip past their mind and go straight to their heart.

Because honestly, we all feel the same things. There are only so many emotions in the dictionary. But if we try to relate to each other on a situational field, we’ll never get anything done. You see that a lot in the world today. I think at times we forget that we are all people. Of course we have different types of struggles, but who hasn’t struggled? Of course each eye sees light and darkness times differently, but who hasn’t experienced those times? When you start to look at it that way, you can begin to relate to people on an entirely new level.

Back in the day, I was incredibly shy around groups of people who I didn’t know. I felt like they didn’t know me (which they didn’t) and that if we engaged we would just end up getting caught in the typical types of conversations. That’s the type of thinking of a boy who believes that the world is happening to him. I wouldn’t go out and create what I knew I could because I didn’t have the type of mind for it. I am still working furiously hard on this because I have to break these habits. Recently, in the gym during mornings, I have been forcing myself to talk to people I could usually just leave alone and engage with them. That fear of putting yourself out there creeps up once in a while…but the resiliency inside drives it right out and I go for it.

if you take the time to see the things that you are good at and the things you are bad at, you give yourself an opportunity to work on them. I don’t agree that we can change. I don’t agree with the fact that we are stuck in being a certain way because we have always been that way. I believe that we can change…mostly for ourselves…and create characteristics as long as we work on them incessantly. To break lifelong habits you must have an extraordinary amount of energy and focus. For me, to break my dependency on eating crappy food which would destroy my goals took an overwhelming amount of effort and discipline. But I did it…and now there’s no consideration of even turning back.

If it doesn’t happen right away then that’s fine. Your body won’t change overnight. Your hairs won’t change overnight. The way you approach guys or gals won’t change that quickly. But you can learn. You can learn learn learn…and then it comes time to practice your craft. You can start forcing yourself into situations that you wouldn’t put yourself in originally and that will change you. It takes the clay a little while to warm up, but when it does, it shapes beautifully.

Napoleon Hill many years ago came up with a list of characteristics that all incredibly successful people have and a way to rate yourself on how well equipped you are in each of them. I did this test years ago and still have it. Here are the traits.

Definite chief aim
Self confidence
Habit of saving
Imagination
Initiative & leadership
Enthusiasm
Self Control
Doing more than paid for
Pleasing personality
Accurate thought
Concentration
Cooperation
Dealing with failure
Tolerance
Golden rule

These characteristics for me were pivotal in my development because I was able to model myself after those who had been successful.

Tony Robbins will tell you that modeling yourself after someone else who is incredibly successful is one of the surefire ways to success (PS huge Robbins fan).  Success leaves behind many clues and breadcrumbs so to speak. If you look for them you will be able to find them. But if you think that you can do it all on your own your wrong. Maybe you could, but it’s going to take a lot more time than if you received some help along the way. That’s the #1 reason why I hired a professional trainer who has results…because I know he has done it himself and he has done it for many others.

Thing is, in time, you grow no matter what. You can grow for the sky or you can grow back down into the ground. Roots are important – I call my roots my past. I’ve gone back there many times to make sure that there aren’t any fatal flaws that might cause issues if life decides to get a bit stormy. But I don’t live down there. I live reaching for the sky and trying to stretch myself.

That’s the only way to live amongst the treetops.

Get into the habit of burning paths. 

– Evan Sanders

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Burning Paths is a post from: Inspirational Stories About Life

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Live A Great Story

Sunday nights have always been a pretty reflective time of the week for me. I get a chance to look back and see what I accomplished during the week as well as the opportunities I missed. For me, I think looking at things in terms of weekly performance gives a great overall view into how much I moved forward towards my dream. This week I was pretty successful. There were many ideas hatched and implemented along with a lot of work done. But it was only until tonight scrolling through my Instagram feed that something really seemed to hit me.

Live a great story.

That quote stuck it all together for me this week….as I step into my 3rd week of training with my new trainer and having decided these past few weeks on a path to take…I am reminded of how important it is to build your own story each and every single day. 

Since the beginning of this project, and I know this because I have gone back countless times and read the starting posts…I have been a believer in being able to create your own world. While at times I didn’t actually do what I wanted to, that belief has never gone away and I have continued to run back to it over and over again – no matter how far I drifted away from my path. 

Our story can be written however we please. While we do not have control over some of the things that happen to us or what the characters of life say to us, we do have control over ourselves…and I think this is a very overlooked idea. It’s overlooked that we are more responsible for our lives and its outcome than we could possibly imagine. It’s often overlooked of how much power we truly have. 

But understanding this is not the end of your troubles. In fact, they begin on an even grander scale once you begin to realize your capabilities. Then you have to battle the fear of succeeding…and the accompanying fear of not being able to handle the success. Eventually, you land somewhere right back in the middle…and for the brave souls out there, you have one of those “f*ck it why. Why not me?” moments. 

That’s where I have finally arrived this evening. I’ve been all over the map. The good. The bad. The stuck in the land of procrastination in order to put off the inevitable risk of putting myself out there. I’ve done it all. But the one thing I haven’t done is risk it all. I haven’t risked it all because somewhere deep inside of me I know things will really pop if I do – and I’ve been scared to see what happens if it does. I’ve been afraid. Very afraid. 

As afraid as I have been, at least I have stepped onto the field every day attempting to play the game. But now it’s time to get into the game. Time to run as hard as I can downfield and see what happens. You can’t be a spectator your whole life if you have a dream that is surging through your veins. You have to get out there and take some hits…but also deliver some as well. 

I’m going to be pouring everything into this. Let’s go. 

- Evan Sanders 

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Live A Great Story is a post from: Inspirational Stories About Life

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From The Ashes | Sky Full Of Stars

I fell hard in 09′

In 10′ I got back up after wandering around for a year. To be honest, 09′ was the bottom for me. I watched everything burn to a crisp. But there’s an interesting phenomenon when you have everything in your woods suddenly charred and burned…you get to start planting seeds again.

When I think back to the times before this though I can best describe myself as someone who was completely made up of reactions to everything. The world did…I reacted. People did what they do…I reacted. There wasn’t much thought into taking any responsibility or even concrete action to make my life better. I thought that life was a series of getting the crap kicked out of you and seeing how quickly you could stand back up. While this is still the case in some situations, there has been a significant amount of development in terms of how I see things.

Time has been good to me. In fact, giving this time has always been something that I could count on.

In my life everything happens at once or nothing at all. But when it goes down…it goes down. Things get pretty serious and my world works like a light switch in a room full of blackout shades…on – then lights almost completely out. I say almost because the light has never truly exited for me. Even back in 09′ when it was at its worst, there was always that flicker of resilience inside of me that kept me going no matter what.

Resilience can be manifested a lot of different ways. It can show up through courage, anger, action, and inaction even. It’s not always about saying the right thing or doing the right thing, sometimes its about not saying or not doing something that might jeopardize all your momentum. It can be about keeping away from the things that you know will tear you apart inside. Too much of anything will slowly let your soul melt right out of you. I’ve seen it happen and it’s not fun to see your true self start slipping away.

In a world full of media entirely invested in you becoming like everyone else we are pushed and pulled to try to lust, drink excessively, party hard and dive into our search for becoming famous and loaded with money. I myself even get pulled into this type of thinking and have to drag myself out of it once in a while. It’s in the media I consume, it’s in the music I am listening to, it’s in the conversations I hear around me and everywhere else. There’s this massive current and if you don’t spend the time thinking about how you are going to create your own path you are going to get stuck in it.

Against the grain for me is about looking at a negative direction you are heading in and turning it into something positive.

I try pretty hard to keep myself out of looking at what other people are doing and thinking I am missing out. Deep inside I know that if I don’t go after what I want for myself and the dreams that have presented themselves to me, that the feeling of missing out on what other people are doing is going to be far outweighed by the incomprehensible amount of regret of not achieving what I know I can. I do have my moments where I wonder…but then something inside keeps me moving forward to what I know to be true…not matter how strong the pull in the other direction may be.

We can get caught in things that are bad for us and desperately wonder how we can get out of them.

My new book coming out January 1st 2015 talks about this a bit. It talks about one of the deepest philosophies I believe in: the 1 degree. While one degree of change might not seem a lot at its inception, over time the gap between where you were and where you are then grows significantly. Further, its sustainable…and that might be the most important part of the whole thing.

We can rise from the ashes but we have to give ourselves the opportunity to do so.

Fresh starts are born each day when you wake up. Truthfully this day is all we have and we can use it to take a step forward in the right direction, go nowhere, or take a step backwards. Going nowhere is really easy and attractive to those who are stuck in bouts of procrastination…taking steps backward are painful and there’s something weird about how we semi enjoy pain. And finally, those steps forwards are going to take everything you’ve got. They are hard to make…but once you get the momentum behind you  – you will begin to run.

It will take a full heart to rise from the ashes. It’s going to take your best. Even if you can only offer 60% in the tank today, give it 100% of that 60%. Don’t fall short or give up because you don’t have as much energy as you used to. Give it what you have and you won’t be disappointed tomorrow that you wasted another day.

Rise.

- Evan Sanders

 

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From The Ashes | Sky Full Of Stars is a post from: Inspirational Stories About Life

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Dogged Unfaltering Persistence

“As far as I can tell it’s about letting the universe know what you want, and working toward it, while letting go of how it comes to pass.” – Jim Carrey

 There is beauty in the struggle. 

No. It’s not the most glamorous part of the process. In fact, it’s the hardest part of the journey. But from everything I have ever read from those who have made it to where they want to go, they say that the struggle and the grind, despite how difficult it was, was the part where they knew the metal was hitting the meat. The pushing to make yourself something greater, to exit your comfort zone, and to see what you are really capable of is thrilling and exhausting at the same time. 

Up above in the Jim Carrey speech, he talks about many different things, but the topic that struck me the most was on having faith vs. hope. He mentions that faith leaps over fire while hope walks through it. For me, over the past couple of years since I published The Better Man Project book, I have seen, dreamed, experienced moments of, and developed this vision of what my potential is. There have been triumphs and great defeats…and yet there was always something missing from my repertoire. 

Dogged…unfaltering…persistence…extended over a long period of time. 

Until recently, I haven’t realized that the only way I am going to get to where I want to go is by working my tail off. In a generation where people become YouTube or Instagram sensations over night there is a disservice done to the rest of us by seeing others “get lucky.” I think luck is one of the worst things that could ever happen to you. Not because you are getting a good result – no…pat on the back for that – but because you will never ever be able to replicate your success. If you have absolutely no idea how you arrived somewhere, you will never be able to get there again. 

Further, if life decides to life you…which it is incredibly capable and effective at doing…when you lose everything you won’t be able to gain it back. 

My dad has told me many times that good things happen to those who work their butts off and are open to opportunity. If you don’t work hard and allow yourself to run into these opportunities, you are going to be stagnant.

 

As of lately, I have started my journey towards making things happen for myself. But before that, I felt seriously stuck. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I never tried anything long enough to figure out if that was something that would interest me in the future. I had significant fears and doubts that would paralyze me from actually taking any significant risk and I was content enough feeling safe in my shell even though from the outside it looked like I was taking risks. The truth was, I was taking a “bit of risk” but nothing that I knew I was capable of. I didn’t want to work for it and certainly had bouts of month-long procrastination events where I would constantly put off what I knew I needed to do.

All rooted through fear.

Fear will consume everything in you and slowly cause you to bleed out.  But fear, as real as it is, is a shadow over your eyes that can be removed by a strong dose of courage. You know, that mustering up of something deep inside of you that knows you can do it anyway. We all have that inside of us, we just have to let everything else go that one did or is trying to control us in this moment. It was fear for me that caused me to write out all these big grand plans on my chalkboard, transcribe them onto pieces of paper and then stow them away to never truly give them the births they deserved. It was fear that caused me to shut down my writing, dating, and other things because I didn’t want to put myself out there anymore.

But that’s no way to live life.

That’s no way to live at all…shutting yourself down and playing the game of punting on 4th down and 1 to go. Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean every time in this game of life, you have to hand it off to your running back who will grind out that last yard and send the momentum downfield. The greatest gifts of all are given to those who take risks, fail miserably, get back up and try again. They are given the gift of experience and wisdom…something that without any effort cannot be accumulated. And for those individuals that try…they can take everything they have experienced into the future and build something even greater.

It’s because they weren’t lucky. They built and built and built even though they were torn down time and time again. In many ways I can relate to that analogy because I have had the distinct honor of having a lot of very interesting things happen to my throughout the course of my life: some good and some bad. But these experiences have allowed me to find what I am truly made of. They have given me the ability to understand what my best stuff is and how I can bring that to the table when I need it.

It’s funny because just a little while ago someone was asked about me and they said that I was  trying to find myself. To others that might sound like a bit of an insult, but to me, that’s the dead truth and I am in fact very proud of that. Every day I am learning more and more about myself and in no way am I ashamed of that. We are all incredibly complicated people and looking at myself here and now, a 25-year-old young man with grand visions and a few years of this journey under his belt….I know that I have a lifetime left of that process. I gave myself the gift of constantly learning about my past, present, and future. I hope that others give themselves that gift as well.

It’s been almost 4 years February since I started writing and it’s almost jaw dropping for me to go back and read the writings of that boy who started this journey. I say boy because in no way was I a man. No concrete love, passion…a tendency to quit on everything that was hard and his integrity was out the door. Over the years though I have developed into a more whole person and am proud of that fact. Sometimes it’s hard to actually see the difference because you have nothing really tangible to compare it to…however if I can imagine the path I was headed down back then versus the one I am on now…the results would almost be completely opposite.

I still make an incredible amount of mistakes, but it’s the way I handle those mistakes and my understanding of who is responsible for my life (me) that is the biggest difference. I have been told that I am incredibly hard on myself – and I fully agree with that. But I am only very hard on myself when it comes to my character and principles. Those to me are things that I am working on as hard as I can to be non-negotiable in the face of temptation and those worldly dancing shadows.

The dreams you have will never come true if you don’t work for them. But the work is not just general work, it’s on a completely new level. I see all of these people out there doing their thing, on stage speaking to thousands, changing other people’s lives and I have this feeling inside me that knows I can do that as well. My heart is pounding telling me to go and do it. In the past it has been my fear that has overwhelmed that beat…but that had to change. It had to change because I finally understood what would happen if I let that consume me – those dreams would die and I would live in a pool of regret for the rest of my life. I have to turn it on now…I have no choice.

So let me tell you what I am up to.

November to March: Studying for my professional personal trainer exam
March 2015: Going to school in SF for professional life coaching
March 2016: Graduate from school, get certified to work with cancer patients through life coaching and health fitness
April 2016: Professional speaking courses
Traveling the world – recording people’s stories, smashing my comfort zones
Beginning Speaking Career

This is what the next 5 years look like for me.

I want to end on a note about something I have really come to take to heart in the past couple of weeks while learning from this book called “Mastery” by Robert Greene. It’s going to take 10,000 hours before you can create completely different and incredible results from what you love. To me, that was a hard number to chew on…but it also at the same time helped me understand how much more work I have to do. If you truly are willing to travel down that path, then there is a great challenge ahead of you. But that challenge can be won through a daily chipping away. I know I have it in me to do this and further that it is something I want to do. So the commitment begins.

2 – 09 – 11 was the start of something amazing for me…2 – 09 – 2021 here I come.

- Evan Sanders

 

Dogged Unfaltering Persistence is a post from: Inspirational Stories About Life

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Legacy & Cleaning Up The Past

What legacy are you going to leave?

Legacy defined: “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.” Something I think about often. What do I want to leave behind? I’m not just talking about my children, or my childrens children. I’m thinking in terms of the world. Im thinking bigger than the bigger picture.

What can I leave behind?

What can just one person do? I think we’ve been given examples of that throughout history. Men and women who have changed the world. Men and women who acted alone at first and then united people around them for a cause…one that grew far bigger than anyone could have ever imagined. We have seen that with religion, we have seen that with movements, we have seen that with rights and peace. We have seen these things. I have seen these things. And here I am now, 25, thinking of what I can leave behind…so when I begin, I have the end in mind.

There’s an interesting feeling that comes up inside of me when I start thinking about this topic. But this morning, at 4:45am when thinking about it, I had very vivid and specific thoughts about my past…and it brought me back to a time where I sought out the help from a teacher/mentor who took me through a week long retreat and helped me clean up my past, see the world with new glasses, and bring fresh perspective into my life.

Without cleaning up our past, we cannot…even remotely, live in the present. It doesn’t matter whether the events that happened are in the forefront of your mind, they are still boiling there in your subconscious. I know personally that when I start feeling anxious about things in the present I have things that I need to take care of in my past. Things to say to people, things to let go…and mostly, forgiveness to be given. Our past can completely hinder us from living in the present. It can weaken our resolve and destroy our appreciation of things in the present. In fact, it can even make us completely miss what is happening in the present.

I cannot build a legacy on a murky past.

Now, that doesn’t mean what has happened wasn’t significant or that there weren’t good and bad things that went down. I say murky in terms of looking back and still seeing it missing my attention. It’s easier to move on and try to forget than deal with it. Trying to forget never really works. You never forget. There are always going to be situations, smells, events, songs, foods, and everything else in between that are going to trigger something deep inside of you…that place where you store “trying to forget” and it will make it real again. It will make it real as day.

Because I have such a vivid imagination…when this happens…the past plays in real time and 5k resolution. I am taken straight back there and things change with me in the present. It’s like having the ability to transport yourself back in time and see things for what they truly were and how they happened. I use to think this was a curse because I never took care of what I should have, but now, with a different way of looking at things…I see it as a blessing.

I handle what I need to. I take care of it. I give it the time it deserves. I nurture wounds.

So when I have something trigger it in the present, I am okay with looking back because I know I have hugged my past rather than locked it away in a box…one that you always know is buried in a specific spot and has memories and thoughts banging against the metal walls trying to get out and get your attention.

The past can eat your present and future.

It’s taken big bites out of mine. I fought it for such a long time but there I was again, not dealing with it…and instead battling it. In fact, it took such big bites out of it that it sent be 10-20 steps backwards…something that I had to work very hard to get back to “present day” with. And through that entire 14 week period I learned what it was like to truly invest myself fully into something and to take it 1 day at a time. I built a foundation that I could be proud of and that could take me into the future. But as that challenge ended and I took 5 weeks off, I was back into limbo. I felt like I had more in the tank. I felt like I could accomplish more and that I could step it up a notch. And…where was that anxious feeling coming from again? Why was I freaking out about things I had no business freaking out about? What the hell was going on?

The past snuck back in.

It snuck in and created procrastination, laziness, doubt, anxiousness, fear. T.D. Jakes says that the enemy doesn’t need to fight you anywhere else but right in your mind. Because if it can take out your mind, it can tear down everything else. It didn’t tear me down, but it prevented me from taking steps forward with that same tenacious attitude I had when I just started the 14 week journey.

After this weekend, I had a change of heart and really decided to go back at it again. I recommitted to the things I knew I needed to make happen…I promised myself nothing short of my finest work product and effort…and I committed to writing and walking hand in hand again with some things that were coming up from my past that needed my attention.

See some people will tell you that life is a series of two steps forward and one step back. I don’t necessarily agree with that. It’s not the statement about one step back that I’m bothered with, its just the ratio of the steps. I think life does send you back…but you’re never going to really know how many steps forwards vs backwards its going to be. What I do know however, is that the steps forwards in the long run, if you live with a full heart and use the gifts you were given, are far greater than the steps backwards.

This is just what I know to be true, sitting here at 25 years old, looking at the end and working my way to the beginning. That beginning is today…11/17. It’s another start to something I am going after. But there’s something different about this start. What’s different is my knowledge of what I actually want for myself. It took me a few years to find it, then another to see it…then some time to believe it…but for the first time in my life I really have gone through all of the steps to figuring out what I would love to do.

Now…I just have to grind for it.

- Evan Sanders

Legacy & Cleaning Up The Past is a post from: Inspirational Stories About Life

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Breaking Into The Outside

We are venturing out onto another journey…again.

The after effects of going down to LA are flowing…and it the most positive way possible. I see opportunities and ways to capitalize on something that became such a bad situation. For a long time, I felt like I had wasted my time down there. I know I had people telling me that “learning was great and it was the experience that matters” but I am a man full of pride, and when things fail I just hate it. There’s this great line from Moneybag where Brad Pitt goes “I hate losing. I hate losing more than I like winning.” That pretty much sums up my attitude about everything.

But we grow, we learn, and we take a fresh attitude into a new experience.

I have no written on my big black board in my room “never rest on yesterdays accomplishments.” For a few weeks after I had accomplished my initial weight loss and health goal, I felt kind of lost. I had enjoyed the journey so much that when it came to the final day I missed the process of “working for it.” I was on the grind and it was the grind that I missed so much when it all ended.

 

So I looked for ways to advance. In fact, I have been constantly looking for ways to create a stronger mind & body connection. I believe that without a strong mind or a strong body, you are going to have some issues. Why? Well one is because I have been on both sides of the fence and understand how important a healthy brain and a healthy body is. But the second reason is mostly about this feeling of just being incredibly out of sync when I am suffering in one area or the other. That is one of the worst feelings there is. And honestly, 90% of the time it is completely in our control to do something about it.

Rarely do other people dig you into holes.

Most of the time we dig the holes ourselves. A piece of this project is looking at those holes I dug a long time ago. I’ve filled in many to make solid ground, but there are still a few that I am working on. I am sure there will be many more holes dug throughout my lifetime.

Most of the times the best things that come at you are completely unexpected and they are so great that you must make room for them. That hit me a couple weeks ago and I freaked out because honestly, I wasn’t really used to having someone cannonball into my life and make such an impression that it not only made me change my plans, but made me look at the things I was doing and want to do them in different ways and/or better. It wasn’t anything negative that really made me freak out…it was so positive…overwhelmingly positive. I guess, since things all sorted themselves out in a good way, that the momentary lapse on my end brought me a few steps  ahead of where I used to be.

I don’t believe in quantum leaps.

I think that’s where we get into trouble with New Years Resolutions. In fact, I know that’s where we get into trouble. Some ridiculous percent of people fail at their resolutions a month into them. But why? I think its about trying to change everything at once. My writing has and will continue to be about pulling learning points from life and seeing how I can develop myself into a better man. Simply put…there you go. I have tried quantum leaps and it has never worked out for me. It’s actually too hard. Im not saying that in a complaining way either. It frankly is too hard to make so many major changes in your life and behavior at once. By doing this, you are setting yourself up to fail.

So what do I believe then?

Taking it slow. But mostly importantly, you have to figure out what you have right now and what you want in the future. That sounds pretty basic but if you don’t know where you are and you have no idea where you are going, then you have absolutely no chance of landing on “we did it” land.”

The more I read the more I begin to understand that greatness is methodically seized. The “genius” that the world refers to is often the result of thousands upon thousands of hours of repetition, studying, and experimentation. The problem is that most people don’t want to put in that type of effort. Most can’t even fathom the amount of work it takes. 3 hours a day, 365 days a year, for 10 years.

There are times when I wonder if I can keep up my commitment to this. However, despite the arduous parts of the journey, I continue on anyway. And maybe that’s an answer to all of the madness in itself.

No matter what…continue on.

This post may be a bit all over the place, but the deal is this. At the end of the day, when you take out all of the stuff that really doesn’t matter, you are left with a couple of things: how you make other people feel and who you feel about what is going on with yourself. If you’re in the dumps you need to look at those two main things and see what is going on in your life. When you start to treat others well you warm up inside and when you start to actually take care of yourself – your world changes – because finally you have given yourself the ability to fully chase after your dreams.

I don’t want to rise to the top and become irrelevant by the time I’m 50. I want to stay relevant to the day I peace out. The only way to do that is to adapt, morph, and adjust…daily…and to never stop.

I don’t plan on stopping

- Evan Sanders

 

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The Devotion

Yesterdays driving totaled 1,000 miles in one day, all to keep a promise to one of my best friends. I started early in the morning, watched her dance the night away, and then I headed back up home on a whim.

Going back to LA brought a lot of things up for me. I felt some anxiety, and then, once I parked and walked around The Grove for a couple hours everything settled. It’s an interesting feeling to be where I am at right now. I am just starting to study for my professional fitness trainer exam, I am going to school in March to become a professional life coach, I am going to combine the two professions and help cancer patients fight the greatest battle of all – the battle of life and death –  and I finally have a path towards an end vision. I can see it so clearly now – something that I haven’t seen before.

All of this helped me feel at peace in a place where I had felt like the entire world was rocking me.

I was miserable there. Besides a few people who really kept me going, I felt like my heart was completely out of wack and I couldn’t understand anything. That’s not really a good feeling to have. A series of unfortunate events only added fire to the equation and I just wanted out – and for very good reasons.

But this time, I came back a changed man. A proud man. I have a fantastic job, I am working my butt off to create a future and I have incredible friends.

My good friend said, “You’re like the same person but totally different. You are just so much happier.” I think that’s pretty spot on. For a while, I wasn’t happy at all. I was convinced I had to do it on my own, I wanted to shut myself off from other people because I was tired of all the b.s. that I was getting back from them, and I was just…frankly…unhappy.

And then there was that moment again while sitting on the set of Dancing With The Stars.

That pre-dejavu moment. The one where I knew I would be walking out onto a stage one day to speak to thousands of people.

For me this moment is as real as my fingers frantically typing away on the keyboard right now. It’s tangible. I can almost feel the moment. I also continue to visualize that moment so deeply that I can’t but help make it happen. It’s something I can already feel without it actually having come to fruition yet.

It will happen.

For most of the drive back I spent my time thinking about my previous life in LA and how things have changed since then. For me, home is where I am right now. I feel secure in a place that I actually “ran from” when I originally left. I had all of these memories of events and situations that happened and since I was proud of what I was doing with my life I let those things overcome me. What I ended up realizing when I left and spent some time in LA is that…that “stuff”…follows you everywhere you go. You might start over somewhere else but in order to truly create something new you have to let everything go. You have to clean it up – and not just sweep it under the rug – I mean truly getting the Dyson out and cleaning that mess up.

For me, sitting here right now, I am happy.

I’ve been doing this for almost 4 years now…sitting down almost as if this is a confession. The desk and chairs have changed, but this keyboard and screen hasn’t. They have always been the same, and that sound of pattering keys reminds me of the first day I started to type away.

Just the other day I hired a coach to work with me for 12 weeks on my fitness and to help me take everything to the next level. I realized that I needed to put myself in the hands of someone who is a trained professional to look at my every week and make the proper adjustments to my nutrition and training that are necessary for me to get to the next level. As someone whose “act” is “I can do this all on my own” making that step was a good move in the right direction. Because honestly, as time goes on and things start to become grander – you can’t do it by yourself. You have to trust those who have put in the time and effort necessary to achieve their goals…and mostly, you have to trust that they can help you achieve yours.

There is a constant current to life that if you catch it, you can continue to grow no matter what. You don’t have to be a superstar now. You don’t have to be rich and famous now. But if you put in the work day in and day out, you can master just about anything. The thing is, are you willing to do that? 3 hours a day, 365 days a year, for 10 years?

10,000 hours.

This is the devotion it takes. I have been asking myself lately whether or not I would be willing to make that sacrifice. In my drive up last night through the fog, I think I finally answered that question.

Yes.

– Evan Sanders

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The Covenant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s so much in this tank.

Every day I’m starting to realize that you can’t just jam on the gas when you have 1,000hp under the hood. You have to slow and steady press down the pedal and give it a little bit of time to hit peak velocity. I have a million things that I want to do, need to do, and am called to do. I think that there’s been so much I’ve just been trying to figure out the best way of doing it all. I’ve got it now.

Sometimes you just have to turn it all on and see what the hell happens. Makes me think of Chevy Chase Christmas vacation when he plugs in his beast of a light show. I might pop the fuse box…maybe take down the power grid…but I’ll never know if I never try. I’ll never give myself to figure out how to secure more capacity and light up the town.

I’m at that moment standing on the edge. Nervous and excited at the same time.

I have to risk it all in order to gain. I’ve tried to piece by piece this and it just doesn’t work. It has to be all in or nothing at all.

Nothing has never been my style.

For me, it’s not necessarily about constantly creating the new, but also about dealing with the old in a completely honest way. I have been addressing issues in the past for years now, but there has never been a time in my life where I have been this honest. This pure. This open. I have always had a bit of a nervous agenda when traveling backwards. But now, with new support and a little bit of courage, I am telling it like it is. The people around me know. They are now familiar with my actual story – not just the one I want to tell.

This truth may be hard for some to swallow, but it is the truth. I’ve always been afraid of divulging everything there is about my life because some of the things that happened are intense. They are intense in a good way and some in a very challenging way. But that’s me though. That’s me down to my core and it’s just who I am. It’s the life I have lived and if I am afraid of speaking about it then who in the world is actually going to like me for me?

No one.

The truth is all sorts of things. It is liberating, vulnerable, honest, painful, and anything else you can imagine. You can destroy others with the truth, you can destroy yourself with the truth, you can build incredible things with the truth…there really is nothing out there like it. Love is in the same seat as the truth. If you really love yourself and you love others then they deserve nothing short of honesty – no matter how hard it is to tell. Because love transcends all other B.S.

We all do stupid things. We all lose ourselves from time to time. We all make poor decisions that cause pain in ourselves and in others. But we are nothing without the truth. We are shades of ourselves – never truly the real thing. We are dulled around the edges by the words and thoughts we use to describe the events of our lives.

I would rather be sharp as hell than untrue to myself.

To be honest, while sitting here writing about it…I feel slightly liberated already. I think that the people you are supposed to end up with, both romantically and in friendships are the ones you don’t have to hide your secrets from. They are the ones who love you purely for you. We all have these secrets, and to a degree they control us if we don’t let them out. Mine are being unearthed and as hard as it is sometimes to tell them, as much as it makes me tremble or even cry, I have to get them out so I can grow. In time, the chains come off.

We all have a covenant to make. Mine is being renewed.

I’m growing. I’m feeling those pains. I’m feeling the old getting torn out of my body like lifting a sheet with your fingertips. Fear is leaking out my elbows. Nerves out the back of my neck. Doubt dripping down the center of my back. Legs bending and tensing to go. My gut is pitted…and then…

Leap.

- Evan Sanders

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Rebirth | Shedding Old Skin

Maybe we lose sight of the fact that life isn’t just about adding things in constantly, but also subtracting the stuff that has moved us away from our true selves.

For a while, I have felt like there has been a battle going on within me where the man of the past, the man of the present, and the man I am dreaming of becoming are all fighting against each other. They battle it out for control of my actions and thoughts. One side of me reverts when I try to grow. One pushes me forward and tries to ditch the past. The other just stands there completely confused in a whirlpool of dreams and old drama not knowing what to do. And yet, even though turmoil exists, I know that they are battling it out for control…and every time this goes down I am handing my dreams the metal chair to use when needed.

Growing pains are a mixture of something to look for, something to dread, and a feeling that can be just “not fun” at all. You have to force yourself into a new place and get uncomfortable, and really quickly the past – when you were comfortable enough to just get by looks so much more pleasing. Every time I have made major changes in my life these pains come in full and rock me a bit.

I look out onto the landscape today, and by landscape I mean into society, the world, etc…and I see a lot of interesting things happening. I’m going to tell you what I see from my eyes and in no way is this a generalization – but through the lenses I look through…this is what color is coming back.

I’m 25 years old and look around me in my young life and have an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I wonder where our heroes have gone. I see a world infatuated with social media and living in a digital space because it has become an escape from real life. I see groups of friends all on their phone texting other people instead of establishing real relationships with the people right in front of them. I see fear. I see the effects of our “self-esteem” generation breeding entitlement as if the world owed them something for being here. I see a disconnect. And all at the same time I see amazing dreamers, doers, people who create and love. I don’t see these people as much though. I look for them. When I come across them in the real world I grab onto them and rarely let go. I see a very complicated time in a world that is shrinking and growing all at once.

What concerns me the most is that part about the “disconnect.”

The disconnect from each other in talking about the things that really matter and creating the relationships that are much more tangible than someone retweeting you. I worry that the more things we have and the more social we become, the less meaningful the relationships will be.

I’ve been caught in this before – and as the days go by the less time I spend on Facebook and Instagram and the more time I spend on writing out what is inside and talking with people who really do care.

Being a young man in this world is confusing and troubling at times. It’s been that way since middle school. I see and hear constantly about money, women, drinking and stunting and I look at my life and the way I live and wonder at times if I am heading in the right direction. The pull of all these material shallow things is so strong that it makes me for a minute consider doing “what I could do” instead of continuing down the route of “what I should do.” Right vs. easy. What we are capable of doing vs. who we are capable of being. As a writer with one hell of an imagination on him, I know, for the most part, what to say to people to get them to like me or to have a girl show interest…but every time I have done that in the past I left the situation – sometimes without explanation – knowing that it doesn’t match up with who I am trying to become. I know that it’s not me… it’s a hollow shell this outside world is trying to solidify on me from the outside in.

When you are made from the outside in you wake up one day realizing that you have completely and totally lost your identity. You were built by always trying to please other people, by trying to be what others and society wanted you to be, and by focusing on the wrong things. You have lost your way.

The only way to get it back is by turning to the core of it all and working your way out from there. Everything else will follow naturally.

I’ve lost myself many times along this journey, but I have found myself just as much. I have removed myself from love and yet I have had it smack me right in the face. I have spent time on the bad side of life and eventually ripped myself out of the mud and focused on being positive. I have lived this life and experienced many different things…and I know that it will only continue to happen for me: good and bad.

So even though I see all these things going on with the world and the people around me, I also know that it can change. I know this because I have seen myself change. I have seen myself adapt, morph, and perform impossible acts that were only deemed unachievable in my head. This is what gives me great comfort. I know that there are many incredible people out there who believe in similar things I do and who have the capability to change the world.

I know these people exist and I hope that they find it in them to tap into their courage and let it overwhelm their fear.

There’s a shedding of skin, a rebirth of sorts that I am going through. But I am in the place of cracking out of that old shell. Of seeing and breaking habits that used to define me as a person. I hope you see it in yourself that whatever is controlling your life you can overcome it with enough energy and perseverance. You truly can morph and change – sometimes you just have to have this insane belief that it is possible. It may not make sense to other people, but it will make sense to you…and for those who truly love you…them too.

- Evan Sanders

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