C.H. Clepitt's Blog, page 28

Holiday Reading to Sink Your Teeth Into!

OK, so only one of my reads had actual teeth sinking, (OK, two if you count monsters taking a chunk out of someone’s shoulder, or three if you include demons from Hades, OK, so actually only one didn’t…) but it was a cool headline, nonetheless.

I love reading, and have not had much chance lately, with annoying life stuff getting in the way, so feels great to have devoured 4 books in a week!  I will obviously be posting my reviews on Amazon and Goodreads too, because that’s what you do to help authors out.  As these sites require a star rating I will also be including it here, but ideally I would like to be able to star out of 10, because I don’t think 5 stars is enough to reflect the difference in feeling you can have for different books.  So, I’ll tell you my mark out of ten, then let you know how I translated this to Amazon and Goodreads.  Now, without further a do, the reviews!

Jade by Rose Montague

I bought this book because I saw it advertised on Twitter and thought it looked quite good, and it did not disappoint.  If you like Lost Girl then you’ll like this.  Jade mixes run of the mill US cop fiction with urban fantasy.

It is set in a world where “supes” are integrated with humans, but obviously face discrimination, as humans discriminate against anything that’s different, don’t they?  Jade is living proof that you don’t need to conform to anyone’s expectations of what you should be, and with a kickass team by her side she battles to thwart a conspiracy and save her friends.

I could not put this book down, and read it in a day and a half.  It is non-stop action, with just the right amount of comedy and romance to balance it out.  The characters are deftly drawn and you feel by the end that you kinda want to be their friend, only the whole constantly running from danger would put me off, I’d probably need a nap or something.

So, to the scores.  Out of 10, I’d give it 9.  This is because there were a few typos, and whilst this did not affect my enjoyment, and we all have typos (I am certainly not immune), in my way of thinking, 10 means perfection, so I doubt any book will ever get a full 10 from me.  That said, the Amazon score is 5/5, because it’s really good.  Really!

Read a sample below.

Affinity by Sarah Waters

Sarah Waters makes me want to be a better writer.  Reading this swept me straight into Victorian England, and a story of intrigue and ghosts.  What I think I liked most was that it was written in the style of canonical Victorian literature, but from a perspective you would not get to read in traditional Victorian literature, and actually rarely in modern literature.  It is so superbly done that you forget you are reading a modern novel, or even reading at all, it’s like you’re there.  Although I predicted the ending quite early on (my brain has that annoying knack of spotting twists) I still spent the entire book hoping I was wrong, willing all the way to the last page that it would turn back around on itself and somehow find its way to a happy ending.  Of course, it couldn’t do that, there was no other way it could have ended.  It was utterly compelling and I found myself a little bit sad and at a loss when it was over, so of course I bought The Night Watch, review will follow!

So, this is another 9/10 job for me.  Again, it wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty darn close.  The only reason it dropped a mark was because I was so disappointed by the ending (even though I predicted it!) that I felt quite sad and empty when it was finished, as though I’d just lost a friend.  That said, it made me want to read it all over again, almost immediately, and that’s why the ‘zon score is an impeccable  5/5.

Read a sample below:

Wonder Woman: The True Amazon by Jill Thompson

This is a graphic novel (I’ve read quite a few, it’s just a different media as far as I’m concerned), and it is one take on the origin of Wonder Woman, and focuses on her story before she became Wonder Woman.  The concept is good, focusing on Diana as a spoiled, over indulged child and teenager, whose selfish actions cause harm to her friends, and send her down the path to becoming the hero we all know.

The concept is good, and as one would expect from Jill Thompson, so is the artwork.  However, there was a bit too much tell, and not enough show for me.  I would not have thought that possible in a graphic novel, but I would have liked more conversation, more interaction between the characters, getting to know them and develop them, rather than captions and image montages.

It is for this reason that for me it gets 6/10.  Good artwork and a solid story, but too much tell and not enough show. On the ‘zon this equates to 3/5.

Unfortunately I can’t embed a sample, so if you want to read one you’ll have to click here.

Aeon Infinitum: Run for Your Life by E. Rachael Hardcastle

I enjoyed this book as a sort of Hunger Games meets Blade Runner. Hardcastle paints a dark and gloomy post apocalyptic Earth, and throughout the story the sense of hopelessness from the characters is quite palpable.

I found the present tense quite jarring to read, and whilst I kept hoping I’d get used to it, I never quite did. The first person narrative which switched between characters also made it quite difficult to care strongly about any of them, and I feel I would rather have had one person’s perspective, or have the story told in third person, but this is just my preference.

If you like gritty scifi that isn’t afraid to get its hands dirty, with strong, well developed characters, then give this one a go.

As for star rating, I think it has to be another 6/10 for me.  There were grammar issues, and some typos, and whilst I appreciate it is first person, I feel quite strongly that grammar is something we need to maintain, or the world will fall about around us and books will start being written in text speak!  Because of the switching between character perspectives so frequently I didn’t really care about any of the characters enough to even particularly want to finish the book. (I did finish it, I hasten to add!).  It was very exciting, and the world was incredibly well developed, and it is for this reason that on the ‘zon it gets a solid 3/5.

Read a sample below:

 

7 Questions

This week’s 7 Questions is with a visitor to Earth Lex Kepler, who is currently in America studying human interactions.  We can only assume that she did not come in via any airport, and didn’t come the the UK because of impending “issues” with freedom of movement.  No aliens for us.  Thanks Nige.

1. So, erm, not only did you choose to study humans, but you chose to study Americans???  How’s that going?

We didn’t choose our assigned locations. The captain chose them for us. Different teams cover different countries. I think the captain chose America for us because she wanted someone to study Neil deGrasse Tyson. She wanted Beeblebop to infiltrate the Google headquarters as a programmer. Plus Xalax wanted to get a job as a zombie extra on the set of The Walking Dead. Xalax is made from the admiral’s genetic material, so he usually gets his way, but of course, in this incident, the captain assigned him to something more serious. Nepotism is the only reason he’s on this mission. I thought the captain was going to send me to study the United State’s NASA program, but she gave that assignment to Xalax instead. But I’m not bitter.
My study of Americans is going quite well. The captain has me infiltrating a college in Los Angeles called UCLA. It’s basically my cover in case anyone gets nosy. Strangely enough, the captain wants me to study human relationships. At first, I found it perplexing because I’m a physicist and cosmologist. Xalax is the anthropologist/sociologist of our team. But then the captain explained to me that my mission wasn’t your typical sociological study of the planet’s inhabitants. In fact, I could find out information that is extremely important to the survival of my race.
Americans are fascinating. They are in many ways highly optimistic, but they do have many inexplicable behaviors, as well. I am very much looking forward to learning more about them.

2. Do you have pets on your home world, and if so, do you dress them in nicely coordinated outfits?

That is quite a human thing. Kreyatons pride themselves on being a logical, efficient, productive, and work oriented people. We pride ourselves on our scientific knowledge and technological advancements. We like to study other life forms because we learn something new from doing so. We put so much focus on our work and accomplishments that we don’t put much emphasis on relationships, including relationships with animals. I am intrigued how humans find these things important. It is quite fascinating. The humans I am currently studying have viewed my interactions with them as a friendship. At first I found it kind of odd and unnerving, but now I’m strangely enjoying this thing called friendship. I’m not sure if it will lead me to having animal friends. I am still getting used to friendships with humans. Many humans want me to have a pet, and I’ve been told it is a human custom, and if I want the true human experience, I should try it. We’ll see. I make no promises.

3. Can you digest the same sort of food as humans?  How you coping with coffee?

Yes, Kreyatons are biologically similar to humans which is why we didn’t really need to drastically alter our appearances, just our ears a bit. I had them surgically altered before arriving to Earth. Otherwise, I don’t think I look that much different. I do enjoy coffee, and I love to mix mine with ketchup. People seem to find this odd. I don’t really know why. I also have an affinity for chocolate sprinkles. I find they taste best in sandwiches.

4. Have you encountered a badger yet?

I have not encountered a badger. But I have heard from multiple humans that some species of badger, and I quote, “Don’t give a s***.”

5. What do you hope to achieve from your study?

My assignment is to study human relationships, and if there is any connection between those relationships and the fact that the human population has no problem repopulating itself. Such information is critical to the continuation of my species, whose population is rapidly declining due to a low success rate in the reproduction of the next generation of Kreyatons.

6. What do you think of social media?

It is very curious. I have enjoyed connecting with other human beings on various social media platforms, because it has assisted me with my studies. At the same time, there is an alarming rate of irrational thought that occurs via social media, and I am not so certain this is beneficial for humanity.

7. If Earth could improve on one thing, what would it be?

I would say that human beings have an enormous capacity for compassion, but I wish it were applied more thoroughly. Speaking of social media, there was a quote from a fictional Star Trek character named Captain Picard that I thought sent a good message about what to strive for in the future. He stated, “The acquisition of wealth is no longer the driving force in our lives. We work to better ourselves and the rest of humanity.”

And if you want to hear more from Lex, including insights, and hopefully cookery tips you can follow her on Twitter, friend her on Facebook

 and read more about her by clicking here.

Monday Mystery Mime

Yup, as you know we like to start the week with a mystery, and our friends Feathers and Toast are happy to oblige. All you need to do is guess what it is, and post your answer in the comments.  If you win, Tallulah will perform the mime of your choosing.*

And congratulations to last week’s winners, with Daffodil Blooming were Michele Morrison and Linda Henderson Eubanks.  Your mime of choice will be performed shortly.

*To enter go to the Youtube page where the mime originated and post your answer in the comments section. If commenting on Youtube is too complicated you can post a comment here, but Youtube comments will get priority. The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 17th March 2017, 00:00 EST

 

Calls for Fearless Girl to Remain on Wall Street

To celebrate International Women’s Day,* a bronze statue of a little girl, hands on hips, facing down the mighty bull has appeared.  Originally only billed to remain for a week, there has been a cry for her to become permanent.  Officials have already bowed to pressure from the public and extended her stay until April 2nd, and there is a petition to make her stay permanent.

It is ironic that a statue celebrating female power was originally only billed to remain for a week, demonstrating society’s willingness to acknowledge that there is a divide, but unwillingness to make a permanent change.  The outcry from people wanting to make her a static feature is certainly a step in the right direction, although the man photographed humping the statue, shows we have a long way to go…

Upon being asked to comment on how he feels about his new neighbour, The Wall Street Bull told Newsnibbles;

I can’t even remember what it was like before she was here. She’s the yang to my yin.

If you have met the bull, you will know he is a feminist, and will be very supportive of sharing his space with this symbol of female empowerment.

 

@BadgersTweetToo I can’t even remember what it was like before she was here. She’s the yang to my yin.

— The Wall Street Bull (@TheWallStBull) March 12, 2017

*Yes, there is also an international men’s day, Google it before you start bitching, you should really moan that there’s no international clueless pillock’s day, because that’s your day, really, no-one cares, shut up.

Monday Mystery Mime

It’s that time of the week again, when we confront you with a mystery.  Our friends at Feathers and Toast produce a weekly mystery mime, and if you are clever enough to guess correctly, the Tallulah will perform the mime of your choosing.*

No-one guessed last week’s mime, so there were no winners.  It was the red carpet being vacuumed after the event. Who even knew they did that? Ah well, better luck this week, eh?

 

*To enter go to the Youtube page where the mime originated and post your answer in the comments section. If commenting on Youtube is too complicated you can post a comment here, but Youtube comments will get priority. The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 10th March 2017, 00:00 EST.

The Grumpy Badger Guide to Writing Erotica

Grumpy Badger guides are going to be a new section of Newsnibbles, where Badger will write “How To” guides on request.

Having mentioned to several friends that I have now inadvertently ended up editing not one, but TWO erotica novels, (not on purpose, not my genre of choice, I did not need to know ANY of that about the authors’ inner workings), I now feel that I am amply qualified to write a how to guide, on producing an erotic novel.

For the purposes of this guide I will be using examples from a fictional novel

Cover Model: Chimp Jones

that is from my brain, set at a livery yard, called Broken Bareback.  Should you enjoy these examples, I could be persuaded to write and release it as a proper book, or at least short story.  Let me know in the comments.  Obviously my examples will be X Rated, so if you are under 18, please stop reading now, and come back when you’re old enough.  Thank you.

I would also like to add that Broken Bareback is pure fiction, from the slightly deranged mind of a badger, and any resemblance to people, places of business or actual events are purely coincidental.

So, without further a do, here is the Grumpy Badger Guide to Writing Erotica.

The Heroine Must Always Be a Virgin

This seems to be the most important and unbreakable rule to writing erotica.  She must never have known the touch of a man (or a woman, depending on what type of erotica you are reading).  There can be as many unrealistic reasons for this as you like, but it’s a rule.

All Characters Have Facial Features

And must be described by them, it’s only fair, you need to know about face, eyes and lips, not necessarily in that order.

Tell Don’t Show

You hear authors and writing teachers say all the time, “show, don’t tell”, but the opposite is true for erotica.  Only take opportunities to show if you have no other options. And lay as much background out at the beginning as you can.

See below for examples of these points from the opening paragraph of Broken Bareback.

Eva sat at her desk, tapping away at her computer. She pursed her cherry red, plump lips thoughtfully.  Blinking her ocean blue eyes she stared at the screen, twisting her corn coloured hair around her finger.  Despite being in her early 40s, she had never known the touch of a man.  Being brought up in the convent, she had only had the nuns for company until the age of 36, and been quite contented with the company of God.  However, a recent unrealistic tax hike on right wing religious organisations had meant that, in order to help support her sisters Eva had been forced to get a job administrating the yard.  As most horse owners are women, Eva had not been troubled by any male attention whatsoever in her four years in the office.  In what was a weird, yet in no way unrealistic coincidence, all contractors, delivery people and even the farrier were female.

You see here, how, although we’re only a paragraph in, we already know that Eva has eyes, hair and lips, and has never known the touch of a man, and is a good religious girl (middle aged woman). We know she is ripe for the plucking, and we are set up nicely, which brings us onto our next points:

There Must be a Promiscuous Best Friend

There has to be an adviser to the heroine, someone she trusts, someone with experience who knows how it’s done.  Someone she shares her most intimate thoughts and desires with.  Someone, who’s been around the block a few times.  Enter, the promiscuous best friend:

Lela slammed the office door and bounced in.  Her dyed blue hair shone in the florescent office lighting, her thin lips spread wide in a grin, and her dark brown eyes sparkled with the glow of someone who had recently had sex.  Lots of sex.

“Guess who I did last night!” She grinned, spinning Eva around on her chair.

“Who?” Eva smiled patiently at her friend.  In the four years they’d known each other they had had no secrets, and Eva had held Lela’s hand through numerous STD treatments.

“Who didn’t I do?” Lela said triumphantly, collapsing back in her chair.

The Hero Must Be Manly

Even if the love interest is a woman, she/he must have archetypal man traits, such as confidence verging on arrogance, a commanding “take charge” attitude, and behaviour that verges on controlling, because apparently, that’s sexy.  He must conflict with the heroine initially, before she quickly realises she wants him to own her.

Enter Hubert:

Hubert strode into the office, his jodhpurs bulging with manly assertiveness.  He wore leather knee length boots, a fitted tweed jacket and carried a whip.  His red hair shone with the colour of fire and passion, and there was a sadness in his eyes that suggested he’d been hurt in the past.  He slammed his whip down hard on Eva’s desk.

“I have been waiting here 2o minutes!” He said furiously.  “I am accustomed to being obeyed.  I have not met a filly I cannot break, yet you keep me waiting!”

“I am not keeping you waiting,” Eva snapped back.  “We are waiting for the grooms to get the horse ready for you, since you’re too important to tack up your own damn horse!”

Sex Scenes Must always be a revelation

To both characters.  There is no room for average sexual experiences, they need to be epic and go on for hours longer than anyone could realistically survive.  Long after any mere mortal would have shoved him off and said “come on, I have work tomorrow” our heroic couple is still going strong.  I won’t be quoting a sex scene here, as anyone could ignore my 18+ warning.  If you want the sex scene, better get commenting for the full length release (no pun intended).

Never Use the Actual Word, Where a Synonym will do just fine.

You want to discuss the penis in great detail, but never use the word penis, if you can possibly avoid it.  Examples could be shaft, member, man staff, control rod, sword, sabre, in fact, anything that pokes.  Same applies for lady parts, but they need to be less weapon like, her moist creases, or furry lips?! Yeah, it’s tough, but you’re writing erotica, people, suck it up! (no pun intended).

Erections as Sexy, and in No Way Disturbing

You might think your hero has a medical condition, wandering around with a permanent hardon, but no, this shows how attractive your heroine is, and is thus very sexy.  Similarly, she could constantly need underwear padding to compensate for the moistening effects he has on her.

See, the first passionate encounter:

Eva pressed her back against the wall of the tack room, breathing heavily.  If it hadn’t been for Hubert arriving when he had, that attacker could have killed her.  Her hold body was shaking.  She gasped as the door creaked open.

“Are you alright?” he asked, coming so close that she could feel his breath on her face.  The bulge in his jodhpurs was palpable, as he pressed himself against her.  She felt her heart beat faster as she clung to a saddle for support, her underwear moistened.

“He could have killed me, or worse,” she swallowed hard.

“He’s gone now,”  Hubert’s breath was almost as quick as her own as he brushed a strand of corn coloured hair away from her face.  “Everyone’s gone, it’s just us…”

“I’m not sure the nuns would approve…” she breathed as his tongue slipped free from his lips and made its way, serpent like to hers.

“I hope not,” he said, and penetrated her lips with his speech instrument.

Eva gasped, it was so unexpected, the sensation of another person in her mouth, yet the warm smoothness of his tongue was both comforting and exciting.  Soon she found herself penetrating him with equal zeal, her whole body tingling with excitement from his touch.  After what seemed like an eternity he pulled away and stepped back.

“Well, I must say goodnight,” he said calmly, and left, the protrusion in his jodhpurs the only sign that he wanted to stay.

Eva slid down the wall, gasping for breath, all she could feel was a yearning that she didn’t understand.  Why did he leave her?

There are no coincidences in erotica

You may think that Eva’s escaping attack in the earlier paragraph was just a technique with which to initiate first sexual contact with Hubert.  No, this also needs to be integral to the plot as a whole, and we need some ridiculous device whereby our heroine is kidnapped, and requires rescuing.  Erotica requires both damsels and heroes.

“I understand,” Lela hung up the phone and looked at Hubert.

“Well?” he asked urgently. “Is she ill?”

“No,” Lela chose her words carefully. “She’s been taken.”

“Taken? What do you mean taken?”

“They want that racehorse back,” she said quietly.  “The one you won in that card game, if they don’t get it, they’ll kill Eva!”

“They can’t have it!” Hubert sounded panicked.  “I sold it on, it’s in America!”

“God damn you Hubert!” Lela snapped. “Why did you have to pick Eva?  You could have any woman you wanted, why her?”

“Because she’s perfect,” he breathed.  “Don’t worry, Lela, we’ll get her back!” He said decisively. “Call the yard, tell them to saddle my horse, I’m bringing her home!”

Sex Sells, Always Leave Room for a Sequel, or 12.

Make sure you leave it on a cliffhanger, there’s always room for more erotica at a later date, after all, the money’s in the sequels (and the film deals).

Lela chewed her biro seductively as she watched the exchange between Hubert and Eva.  She wondered if there would be room for one more in the relationship.  When the passionate kiss ended, Hubert mounted his steed and galloped off into the sunset.

“Are you OK?” Lela asked as Eva returned.

“Of course,” Eva smiled at her friend.  “You can’t keep a man like Hubert in one place too long, he yearns to be free.  But don’t worry, I have a feeling we’ll see him again.”

If you enjoyed this Grumpy Badger Guide, and feel that there is another genre that could benefit from similar treatment, then get in touch.  If you would like to read Broken Bareback in its entirety, then comment below.  If there’s enough interest, I could maybe be persuaded to write it…

Monday Mystery Mime

We have decided that time is fluid, and therefore we will continue calling this the Monday Mystery Mime, regardless of what day we post it.

So, you know the drill, guess the mime, guess it right you get the mime of your choosing performed.*

No-one was able to correctly guess last week’s mime, which was a car being pulled into a sink hole.  Maybe you’ll have better luck this time.

*To enter go to the Youtube page where the mime originated and post your answer in the comments section. If commenting on Youtube is too complicated you can post a comment here, but Youtube comments will get priority. The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 3rd March 2017, 00:00 EST.

Writing is NOT Free

Yes, it’s come to that.  I’m having a rant.  You know you love it.

I am utterly sick of people thinking that writing is a hobby and the thrill of being published is enough to get you hand over your hard work and dance a little jig of glee! NO! Writing is a marketable skill! If it wasn’t you wouldn’t need to outsource it, you’d just do it.  Stop selling it as “experience”, or “exposure”.  You wouldn’t ask a plumber to come and fix your boiler for free, telling them it’d be great experience fixing future boilers, would you? Why? Because you you want an experience professional that you know will get the job done.

Writing’s no different, you pay for what you get.  If you get a good writer they pay for themselves, quality content improves visibility on your site and therefore your product.  Your website is a reflection of you and your business, and is often the first impression new clients receive.  Do you want to make a good first impression, or do you want to give someone “exposure” and save some money?

If we were living in the universe of Star Trek: The Next Generation, then money would be immaterial, and we would all do what we were passionate about whilst the world provided for our needs.  We don’t.  We live in a capitalist society, where the rich get richer by starving the poor, and making them do unpaid internships so as not to impact their profit margins.  Unpaid internships are wrong, and so is expecting a skilled professional to work for free.  You want to make money? Well, so do we.  If we are working in another job, because writing doesn’t pay, then we aren’t available during business hours to discuss your project.  Our time is valuable, expect to compensate us accordingly.

Which neatly brings me on to “free book?”  NOOO!  I have spent the better part of a year, writing, rewriting, editing, reediting, formatting and marketing my book.  I’ve arranged a launch party, bought in paper copies and arranged reviewers.  Why should I then give you a FREE BOOK?  That book is a year’s worth of work.  I deserve to be paid accordingly.  I am an excellent writer, you know that, that’s why you asked for a free book, but why do you get it for free? What did you do to deserve a free book?  Would you go into a cafe and say “free coffee?” No, so why is my book of no value?  I appreciate that with the rise of self publishing it is easier for inexperienced writers to sell what is frankly, poorly written, poorly conceived and poorly edited work to the masses, and that sometimes it’s difficult to tell them apart, but that’s what the 20% sample is for.  You get 20% for free, then, if you think it’s good, and you’re enjoying it, you pay for it.  Here’s a tip, if you want to read on after 20%, it’s worth paying for.  If it’s rubbish, you can move on to another book.  Usually you know by the first chapter if it’s going to float your boat or not, be honest.

Arts funding has been cut substantially in recent years, and the constant barrage of free stuff on the internet only serves to devalue the efforts of artists.  So, why not take a stand?  If you like a book, a song or a painting, pay the artist, they gave you pleasure, they deserve it.

Monday Mystery Mime

That’s right, Nibblers, it’s that time of the week again, when the superbly talented Tallulah Grace, of Feathers and Toast fame supplies us with our weekly mystery mime.  In order to win the ultimate prize of having Tallulah perform the mime of your choosing, simply tell us what the mime below is!*

And congratulations to last week’s winners; Richard Goldman and Andrea Schmidt with eagle soaring!! …officially eagle soaring and then swooping down for its catch, but as always it’s the taking part that counts, so well done.

**To enter go to the Youtube page where the mime originated and post your answer in the comments section. If commenting on Youtube is too complicated you can post a comment here, but Youtube comments will get priority. The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 24th February 2017, 00:00 EST.

Monday Mystery Mime

It’s that time of the week again.  The time when our partners in mime, Feathers and Toast bring you a mystery to solve.  If you can guess the mystery mime, then Tallulah will perform the mime of your choice.*

**To enter go to the Youtube page where the mime originated and post your answer in the comments section. If commenting on Youtube is too complicated you can post a comment here, but Youtube comments will get priority. The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 17th February 2017, 00:00 EST.