C.H. Clepitt's Blog, page 27

Monday Mystery Mime

What do you mean, we’re late? Maybe you’re late? Ever think of that?  So, you know the drill.  Every week the amazing folks at Feathers and Toast perform a mystery mime.  All you have to do is guess what it is for a chance to have the mime of your choosing performed by Tallulah herself.  We won’t make it complicated, just post your answer in the comments. Go on, have a go.  A Nibbler won the other week, and we have posted their mime below.

Last week’s mime was a lollypop melting. No-one guessed it, so have a go this time, you never know.

Now, without further ado, the mystery…

And just to prove it really does happen, Judith requested an elephant being washed, and below is said mime. It is incredibly realistic, you can almost see the trunk.

The Grumpy Badger Guide to Getting Online Attention

You voted, this is what you want to know about, so here it is!

What do you think my next “Grumpy Badger Guide” should be on? #woofwoofwednesday #amwriting #HowTo

— The Grumpy Badger (@BadgersTweetToo) April 19, 2017

 

Today’s Grumpy Badger Guide focuses on how to get attention on social media. Clearly there are lots of you out there struggling with getting adequate online attention, feeling unloved, dejected, in need of a virtual stroke.  Fear not, the Grumpy Badger Guide to getting attention on online is here to help.

For the purposes of this guide, I will be using the fictional account of one Vince McCool. He will be modelled by prolific fantasy author and friend of Newsnibbles, Samuel Z Jones.  Vince is one cool dude, and has the whole getting online attention thing down, so hopefully you can learn something from him. Newsnibbles would also like to thank “The Master”, for donating a photograph of a plate of chips for the purposes of this illustrated guide.

As with the Grumpy Badger Guide to Writing Erotica, all characters in this guide are completely fictional. Any resemblance blah blah blah.

So, without further ado, let’s begin.

Be Ambiguous

There’s no point revealing everything.  If you give out all of the information straight away no-one will have a need to comment.  You might get the odd like or share, but that’s not what we’re after here, we want proper interactions, so the more vague the better.  Below is an example from Vince’s page.  On this particular day, the local corner shop was out of full fat milk, and Vince had to buy semi skimmed.

OMG, I have no idea how I’m going to last the week! LOL

Here, you can see that Vince has reacted badly to the need to purchase semi-skimmed milk, but he hasn’t actually given us anything to go on, forcing us to ask.  He has finished the post with a LOL to show it’s nothing serious and not to worry.  You may want to leave the LOL off depending on how much attention you want.  This particular post lead to a comment from Sharon Peebody, one of Vince’s many friends.  She asked.

OMG, babe, what’s up? U ok hunni? lol xxx

Here you see that Sharon is so concerned, she hasn’t even taken the time to write full words.  Her lol is lower case, and more of a nervous titter than the uppercase guffaw that Vince used in his original status.  Girls are more likely to comment with kisses than boys, but using three here has she has, Sharon is most likely also flirting with Vince.  We will observe flirting in a later section.

Put yourself down so that everyone else can build you back up.

Vince takes a long time taking mirror selfies, arm length phone selfies and laptop selfies.  He knows his fans want to see him, but he doesn’t want to appear vain, so he posted the following caption with this one:

Just testing the camera on my laptop, LOL! Reckon it’s got an ugly filter, hehehe.

Obviously Vince knows he’s not ugly.  No-one with self esteem issues would post as many selfies as he does, but a post like this received 39 hearts and 27 comments telling him how good he looks.  Sharon was one of the first to comment with:

No, babe. It’s got the well sexy filter on. lol. Love your tshirt hehehe.

So, you see, by posting with a self deprecating comment, Vince ensured compliments whilst not appearing vain. Also, he is maintaining the interest of the lovely Sharon. 

Everyone is fascinated with your life, don’t be afraid to share.

Vince already has an extensive fan base, which is why we’re using him as an example, but you have to think big.  Be like Vince. Your friends are not just your friends, they are your fans.  Any little tidbit you give them is like virtual gold.  Nothing is boring, pointless or annoying to share.  See below for an example of Vince trivia gold.

OMG, I just put my dinner in the microwave, and accidentally set it to defrost instead of high!  It was still cold! LOL

Vince also included photographic evidence to prove he really did have dinner, and was not making this up. You may want to evidence your posts too.

 

Here you see that Vince wants to share the hilarity that has just ensued at home in his kitchen with his fans, so that they can feel like they were there too, and somehow, in some small way a part of his life.  This latest status resulted in a total of 220 “likes” and 144 comments, but we will focus on Sharon again for consistency.

PMSL babe! Ur soooo funny. xxxxx Did u eat cold chips? LOL

Here you can see that he has amused Sharon so much he earned 5 kisses in the middle of a comment. This definitely says flirting, Vince will play it cool for a bit longer, but the defrost comment has definitely earned him points. She has also included a question, so he has to respond.  You have to give to get, it’s no good getting a reputation for not responding.  See below.

No, babe! LOL! I put em back in on the right setting. PMSL.

Here you see Vince has answered her question and acknowledged that she was making a joke. Both important in developing the relationship.

Be vulnerable. Have no secrets.

In the world of online attention, there’s no point having secrets.  What’s the point in having a feeling or an emotion if you can’t tell everyone about it?  After the chip conversation, Vince privately messaged Sharon, asking her out for chipshop chips, and promising they would be hot lol xx. Of course, this happened in private, so his fans didn’t know.  This can be rectified with a single status, see below:

Got a date with the prettiest girl online! So excited and nervous! Can’t wait to see you babe xxxxx. – Sharon Peebody

Here you can see Vince has declared his love to all of his fans, making it official, and also tagged Sharon to ensure she doesn’t miss his moment of vulnerability.  Fortunately she has found a way to set up an alert, and receives an email every time someone tags her, so was able to respond virtually immediately, to reassure Vince that his feelings are reciprocated.

OMG! Me 2 babe! cant wait 2 c u! So excited about chips. Hope they’re hot like you! xxxx

So, Sharon has reassured and complimented him, and all his fans can see just what a ladies man he is.

Things happen fast, don’t be afraid to tell everyone.

In a world of superfast broadband, microwave meals and instant messages, one date does a relationship make, and you immediately need everyone to know how happy you are.  Change your relationship status immediately, and tell the world.

Vince McCool is in a relationship with Sharon Peebody.

This particular status resulted in 798 likes.  There were also 294 comments of “congrats” and “u guys r so cute”.  Sharon also commented:

OMG babe! I luv u sooo much! Can’t wait to c u tonight. I’ll bring the chips, lol xxxxxx
Even when you’re with the person, the world still needs to know.

Vince and Sharon now live together, but as they met online they still find it easier to communicate on statuses, and that way the fans still get to observe, partly envious, partly glad to be, in some small way involved in the fascinating lives of Vince and Sharon.

OMG, LOL! Vince just farted so loudly I thought it was an earthquake! I knew we shouldn’t have had beans with our chips! It’s a good job I love him! – Vince McCool.
Wot can I say? Better out than in! LOL! Love you too baby.xxxxx

Here Sharon’s status and Vince’s response collectively received 1982 likes and comments.  Not only does it show they’re real people, but it proves that they have someone in their lives that loves them. All it needs is one person to love you for everyone else to love you too.

That’s it from this Grumpy Badger Guide.  We hope you found it useful.  If you have a topic you would like covered in a Grumpy Badger Guide, please comment below and let us know.

Monday Mystery Mime

It’s that time of the week again, when the extremely talented team behind Feathers and Toast perform a mime for your guessing pleasure.  Get it right, and the mime of your choice will be performed by Tallulah herself.  Entries close midnight Friday and the winners will be announced next week.

And congratulations to last week’s winners, Judith Evans, Paul Uhler and Joe Pranaitis, who all correctly guessed “Spring Chicken”.

So, without further a do, here’s the mime.

7 Questions

Sarah Dahl is the author steamy historical romances, known for their gritty

realism and authenticity to the period in which they are set.  She is not afraid to shy away from difficult issues, and if you enjoy the occasional Viking (and you know who you are) then you’ll probably like these.  We are catching up with her to chat about her latest release: The Current – A Battle of Seduction

1. Your work seems to focus on unusual things that perhaps you wouldn’t find in other stories, can you tell us a bit more about this?

In my historical fiction I look at ‘normal’ people (as opposed to the often over-used elite and their power plays in other works of historical fiction) and show them in slightly unusual situations, which in my sensual works often turn into something sensual, steamy even. I’m interested in this often overlooked side of human lives: their passions, dreams, the force of seduction, this game between man and woman (and sometimes other constellations, as you will see in the upcoming “Monk” ;-)). So what makes my stories different is not the Viking-ness as such, but that I ignore the elite and their power plays; I’m not interested in politics and intrigues, but simpler people’s lives. I zoom in on the more common encounters, and what these characters yearn for. So that is the difference to many Viking historical fiction books, which often focus on intrigue and battle. I’m interested in the smaller worlds, not the rulers and their big worlds

Monday Mystery Mime

Days are just labels, and we don’t need no damn labels, right? So, in case this is your first visit to Newsnibbles, the Monday Mystery Mime is a weekly slot where our friends Feathers and Toast perform a mystery mime. All you have to do is guess the mime, and you win the chance to have the mime of your choice performed by Tallulah herself.

And congratulations to last week’s winner, Michele Morrison, who correctly guessed ‘egg rolling down a hill’.  Your mime will be performed shortly.

The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 28th April 2017, 00:00 EST

Why Diversity Matters

Quite a while ago I decided the best thing I could do to make a difference as a writer, not only to people’s perceptions, but to the way literature is perceived is to lead by example.  I feel that my early work pandered somewhat to canonical expectations.  I tried to subtly include diversity, as side characters or sometimes even leaving it entirely open to interpretation.

More recently I decided that to celebrate diversity I would have main characters that are diverse, but that the story is not about their diversity, it’s just a part of what makes them, well, them.  My first attempt at this was with The Crew Chronicles series, which touches on gender perception and domestic violence, amongst other things, whilst still managing to be “a good deal of fun” (Altered Instinct).

The most obvious way I have diversified my characters, however, is in my most recent work, I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse.

Described by Sabotage Reviews as “an elegant blend of humour and horror”, Heels is a satire, not only of apocalyptic fiction, but of our current political climate.  I diversified it by making almost all of the characters bisexual.  Anyone who has watched an apocalypse movie knows that one of the major tropes is that the characters find time to pair off, no matter what level of danger they’re in, there’s always time for sex!

I did not label the book as LGBT, anyone who knows me, knows that I hate having to label my work anyway, and choosing this label defeated the object, I felt, which was to diversify mainstream fiction, not put it in a subgenre.  I felt incredibly nervous letting this out for people to read.  It was the first time I had written anything like this and I was terrified that it would be badly received.  It was a huge relief, that not only did my fantastic team of beta readers love it, but I was also offered a publishing contract with micro publisher Wight Orchid Publishing.

It has received a couple of negative reviews from people claiming it was utter nonsense (or words to that effect), which is fair, it is. It’s a nod the the absurdist theatre movement of Beckett and friends, why else would there be a random talking badger, to add a touch of realism?  However, the vast majority of feedback has been incredibly positive, and made me feel confident enough to write a sequel.  I also submitted it to a number of review blogs, and have been delighted with the response.

However, the response of one review site gave me pause.  Not because it was a bad review, because it wasn’t, it was a very good review.  At least the first part was:

“I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse by C H Clepitt is an entertaining short story. I picked this book as I was attracted by its cover and genre. I am glad that I selected it because there were many dialogues/scenes that made me laugh. Kerry’s character is extremely relatable. Her need to prove her worth at a time of disaster is quite impressive. The side characters, Sam, Peter, Tyrone, and Petal, are also well written. Each of them has something special about them. The plot moved without any hiccups. It was quite easy to follow and entertaining — for the most part. Kerry’s trouble with the heels lasted for very less time than I would have liked. However, the author managed to make the most of those few moments, which is a relief, considering the title of the book has “heels” in it.

Despite this praise the reviewer only gave the book three stars, meaning that they did not have to post the review on Amazon, or Goodreads, or anywhere else, as it is the site’s policy to only publish reviews of four stars or above.  Basically the review is only visible to me, the reviewer has managed to keep it in the closet.

So, where did my two stars go?

The disconnect, for me, started when a lot of attention was on sexuality. I believe many lines were wasted on people talking about their sexualities and doubts regarding the same. This is a shame because the book was doing really good until then. There were hilarious moments and enough twists to keep me turning the pages. Even the discussion of the sexuality was fine until it kept coming again and again. I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse is perfect in every other sense and has a potential to be one of the best in the humor genres. Of couse, this is my subjective opinion and others might disagree with my point of view, but I believe that all the sexuality talks distracted and overwhelmed me. Hence, I could not enjoy the book as much as I know I would have.”

So, perfect apart from the sexuality thing? Having gays in my book basically lost me an entire two stars?  I felt like the victim of a hate crime!  It was horrible!  But then, maybe I was being over sensitive.  After all, my book is my baby.  So I posted on Facebook, so see what everyone else thought.

My sister, also a professional writer (playwright and dramaturge) made me laugh out loud with her succinct, satirical translation of what she felt the review was trying to say:

I liked the book. However, I am homophobic and expected a book with red patent heels on the cover to not be at all gay.  I also lack imagination and take book titles literally. Don’t get me started on The Turn of the Screw.

There were similarly supportive comments, a lot of people just saying it says more about the reviewer than the book, but what upset me more than the review, was those people who commented things like “it’s just her opinion, she’s allowed to share it”.  So, why did this upset me?  Because they are fellow authors who just don’t get it.  They live in a little bubble of privilege that they have never had a need to emerge from.  They have never been discriminated against, so they don’t need to write about it, because it doesn’t actually happen.  Discrimination is a thing made up by minorities to explain why they are held back.  They failed to see the distinction.  Had the reviewer said: “the disconnect for me was the focus on character relationships, I would have preferred more focus on the adventure and less time on the interpersonal”, then yes, this would have been an opinion, and it would have been a fair criticism, maybe.  But what she said was “sexuality”, not sex, not relationships, “sexuality”.  Let’s face it, there are very few lines spent actually discussing sexuality in any real sense, the rest is Tyrone using inappropriate language, which is funny. No, really, it’s funny, honestly.  My favourite line is when he calls Kerry a “kick ass lesbo”.

What the review, and the reaction to it demonstrates, is that it is still very important to write diverse characters; but what is equally important is to normalise them.  Not to label your book, or essentially warn people.  No-one warns you that a book contains straight people, do they?  If we continue to pander to people’s biases, and remain afraid to call them out on their prejudice then we’ll never progress.  It’s not the same as having an opinion.  Prejudice is not the same as opinion.  If we remain terrified of offending bigots, then we stand in the way of progress.  I’m sure A Taste of Honey offended racists, does that mean it wasn’t a good play?  Perhaps it would have been a good play if they hadn’t spent so much time on race?  Am I making my point yet, or am I still being too subtle?  Just to be clear, I am not saying that anyone involved here is a bigot, I am simply observing that, in a general sense, prejudice exists, and we should be standing up to it, not ignoring it.

I can almost guarantee, that had the book been labelled as LGBT, the reviewer would not have picked it up, but as it was, she enjoyed it, apart from the whole focus on sexuality, thing.  Maybe she’ll go on to read some more of my stuff.  Maybe, she’ll think it through and rethink her opinions.  Maybe she won’t, who knows?  The point is that I managed to reach someone who perhaps would not have picked up the book otherwise.

I’ve never been very good at conclusions, it’s why my books are always quite open ended. That, and ‘always leave room for a sequel’. So, I’ll just finish up by saying thank you to everyone who took the time to read any of my books.  Your support means a lot to me.  I am delighted that most of you really enjoyed them, and don’t worry, there’ll be more of the same in the next one, I haven’t been deterred.

Monday Mystery Mime

The Monday Mystery Mime is a weekly section where our friend Feathers and Toast perform a mysterious mime for you to guess.  Just post your answer in the comments.  If you get if right then you could win the mime of your choice being performed.

And congratulations to last weeks’ winners, Michele Morrison and Melissa Spors Hubbard, with balloon popping.  Just tell Tallulah what you would like mimed.

So, without further a do, here’s this week’s mystery mime.

The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 21st April 2017, 00:00 EST

7 Questions

Today’s 7 Questions is with scifi author and sparkly badger, Claire Buss.  When she’s not co-hosting Twitter hours (Mondays, 9pm, #sparklybadgersunite), vlogging or taking care of her family, Claire is writing.  Her debut novel, The Gaia Effect is out now.

1. What is the Gaia Effect, and is it contagious?

The Gaia Effect is the name for a hypothesis developed by James Lovelock and Lynn Margulis which states that despite what mankind does to the planet, Earth will re-balance itself over time.  We’re probably talking millions of years and quite possibly a mass extinction event of some kind. Gaia relates to the Greek goddess of the planet. Sadly it’s not contagious, imagine what the world would be like if it was.

2. What inspired you to first start writing?

I was inspired to start writing in 2014 after I saw a poster for creative writing workshops at the library and a writing competition. Prior to that I wrote a lot when I was young but growing up got in the way.

3. Do you have a favourite badger?

My favourite literary badger would be Badger from The Animals of Farthing Wood because I have fond reading memories.

4. How do you feel about pet couture?

I currently don’t have any pets so pet couture is a bit of a mystery to me but if I am brutally honest I don’t think animals should be dressed up in little outfits solely for the pleasure of their owners. I don’t get it. And I’m fairly sure the animals don’t either.

5. Describe your ideal sandwich.

My ideal sandwich would be….. no butter, no salad, no mayo or salad cream or weird ass dressing of any kind, no mustard, no marge, no soft cheese, no blue cheese, no prawns, no fat on bacon or cold meats, no pineapple, no pickle or relish or salsa.  I particularly enjoy, when the mood takes me, a peanut butter, Nutella & banana sandwich but never a PB&J. Jam – honey – marmalade on their own are all acceptable. Cheese & Marmite. Meat. Egg. Crisp.

6. If you could command any space ship, what type would it be?

A 03-K64-Firefly class because ‘love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down. Tells ya she’s hurtin’ ‘fore she keens. Makes her home.’

7. If you had to kill off one of your characters, which would you choose?

I’ve already killed several of my characters and I’m still recovering from the emotional backlash. There will be more trauma in the sequel.

And you can find Claire Buss all over the internet, on:

Amazon – http://amzn.eu/fKCQSBF

Facebook – www.facebook.com/busswriter

Twitter – www.twitter.com/grasshopper2407

Website – www.cbvisions.weebly.com

Goodreads – https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/16197976.Claire_Buss

Pinterest – https://uk.pinterest.com/grasshopper2407/

YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWrKBeiBMQg_subFM9ot2vw

LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/claire-buss-329757134/

Google+ – https://plus.google.com/+ClaireBuss2407

Monday Mystery Mime

Yes, we know it’s Tuesday. OK, so we’re not perfect, jeez, lay off!

So, anyway. The Monday Mystery Mime is once more brought to you by our friends Feathers and Toast. All you need to do to win is to post your guess in the comments before Friday.  The correct answer will get the mime of their choosing performed.  The boring terms bit is below.  Last week’s mime was a fly being confused, so if you guessed that, well done. Tell us next time and you might win…

The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 14th April 2017, 00:00 EST

Monday Mystery Mime

We’ve been a bit lackadaisical posting the Mystery Mime for the past couple of weeks, but hopefully you’ve all subscribed to Feathers and Toast‘s Youtube channel, and haven’t missed a thing.  Anyway, we’re back on the ball this week, and below is your mystery mime.

For those of you with the memory span of a goldfish, here’s the drill.  Every week, life saving chef, sandwich aficionado and classically trained mime, Tallulah Grace performs a mysterious mime.  Your job is to guess what she is performing.  If you guess correctly then Tallulah will perform the mime of your choosing, how exciting is that?  In an attempt to get you engaged we will accept your guess anywhere!  You can comment here, on our Facebook page, you can tweet Badger or Tallulah directly, or even send an email.  We’ll take it as it comes.  The boring terms bit is below.  So go on, have a guess.

The winner will be chosen at random from all of the correct entries. Any obscene entries or suggestions will be disqualified and the user blocked. Newsnibbles and Feathers and Toast reserve the right to disqualify any entry they deem unsuitable, without explanation. The closing date for entries is Friday 7th April 2017, 00:00 EST