Himmilicious's Blog, page 22

Reason, I never discriminate people who speak wrong English.

Being a student of English language and literature, from one of the most renowned colleges, what I have personally noticed, is the nature of people to look down at those who are weak in English.
The tug of war between the senses of superiority and inferiority is immortal.

I have never discriminated people on the basis of the inefficiency in the command over a language, especially English Language; I am not perfect either because I do not dwell among the native speakers. English is not my mother tongue and I have acquired it as a second language, painstakingly, over the years.

A few years back, I started my professional career as a language teacher. I always wanted to go into villages to teach and join the schools of Municipal Corporation of Delhi to provide a better quality of education, concerning to the language. And I am not Mother Teresa.

Ergo, I agreed to work with some NGO for peanuts. Probably, I was over confident about my “I can do it” nature and unaware of their encumbering nature, I eventually gave a halt to the occupation.

During the teaching period, I came across some students who belong to the less financially sound families and studied in government schools. When they shared their heart out, how they were discriminated on the basis of language. They felt neglected in the society, colleges and among the peer group. After the course, they improved because my work was not only to teach them language but also to inject the confidence in them.

People who discriminate others on the basis of language are the ones who are born with a silver spoon in the mouth or Dunlop cushions to support their back. They belong to well fed or capable families, their father worked hard to provide them a good education in public and central schools with all supports of tuition and books and study material. 

The majority of families are from the group most of us never imagined. The kids do every sort of work that we are taught and trained to discriminate since our childhood. These kids do the real hard work to stand up in the society because they know the actual face of, unlike the spoon fed kids who are promised to get Lumia if they score well in matriculation.

My personal experiences made me respect those who work hard to learn. I have never felt superior to them because I was born into an educated family; I was supposed to get a good education. 
Knowledge is the only wealth, the more you spend the more it increases. Instead of making fun of your colleagues and college/school mates, help them, only if they are ready and willing to learn from you. They might not know because nobody told them. especially those youngsters with blonde streaks and micro-minis, giggling and juggling their i Phones and BlackBerry. You are studying in elite colleges because your parents are paying for it, not because you are working in a tea stall in at night to purchase your books!

My Searching Soul..

Searched you in the infinity and in the words,signals of your trembling lips..
Trying to locate my soul in one of your bitter cigarettes,
Keeping myself waited until it fatigues..
.. And you forgot me...

You whispered and my luck disappeared, vanished with the ring of smoke,
You left my hand and my life shattered into thousand pieces..
.. And I kept sobbing..

Dreaming with the past,
... I just can't forget those Lip-locks..
Because I can't stop thinking about you,
Because I can't touch your hands,
Just because I can't stop loving you..

Feel of butterflies in my heart with the image of crescent in your eyes,
I'm stuck in the mirage and missing you,
I'm the captive of your love, I'm your prisoner
And.. You left me gaped in a corner where your lips were my salvation...
.. And you forgot me..

Yes, I'm broken into thousand pieces..
.. And I kept sobbing..

I can't find the exit to this pain and the cure to this injury..
Just..

Dreaming to forget your kisses..
.. And I Love You..

Those Twenty Minutes..

THOSE TWENTY MINUTES


Last night around 3:40 am I turned my face to Kabeer and he wrapped his arms around me. I was asleep still I started kissing his chest and his neck. Kabeer has a habit of sleeping bare chest and I sleep bare legs.

He was still and sleeping and I started kissing him and caressing his chest. I could still feel the smell of his Cologne that he sprayed after taking bath at night.

We both had our eyes closed. Usually I don't dominate him on the bed and love to be his slave but I got high while kissing him.
He could feel my pace of kissing and the increasing hold of my palms on his chest. I started rubbing my thighs between his and he wrapped his legs around my waist.

His hands were on my butts. He was awake by now, but we both still had closed eyes.
His breaths became heavy and I could listen to his groans that make me wild.
I pecked his lips, he slightly opened it and I started sucking his lips, passionately.

I was unstoppable now. I got high and I wanted to be wild.
The most pleasurable intimacy we have with closed eyes, in half sleep and open it after the orgasm.

He let me dominate him tonight, I could feel it with his hands, not grabbing my flesh.

I removed my gown, I was bare. And slightly moved my hands to unbutton his shorts. I got up and pulled his shorts. My man, naked with closed eyes! How could I resist..

I caressed his legs and thighs. Started kissing him on his chest. I wanted to explore his body in the dark room.

I get high when he tongues my navel and goes down.. I love to give him love bites on chest but I wanted to be soft this time.. Kissing his body and going down I determined my kinky woman and to wake him up.

I wanted my wolf but I chose to be the vixen..

I stroked him with extreme pleasure and I succeeded.. In a couple of minutes he held my head and tied my hair.. He supported the pace and I kept on increasing.. Deep.. Deeper.. Deepest..

His moans encouraged me and after a while room was decorated by the voice of my choked throat..
He was all covered with my saliva as my face was..

I wanted to ride him.. Without losing a moment I came over him and saddled my Arabian horse with a groan..

He was deep in me.. I could feel the hardness inside me.. With gasps and moans I was moving like the high tides crave for his mom..

In extreme pleasure we both were marinated into each other..
I cuffed his wrist tight as he supported my flesh to ride in comfort.. I started groaning high as I saw him grabbing my love handles..

He was enjoying the contraction and my high stroked begged him to erupt..

My long hair was entangled to his thighs and covered my back..
I started gasping and nailed his chest.. "kkaabeeerr..."

His name was all I could say that faded within a few seconds..

Breathing high.. I was numb on his chest.. He was still inside me..
We didn't make efforts to find our clothes.. Spooning with bare body is awesomely sexy..

Perks of being married is the availability. We make love of souls, the numbness and serenity in each other's arms certify the purest form of this meditation.. Called love..
When a man and a woman completes the family, the togetherness and stay by the sides at odds and evens..

Love speaks like this.. When the nature clicks dawn.. When the clock ticks 4:00 Am..

And I left him snoring on the bed early morning when my alarm clock squeaked..

RAPED!

When you saw meand my curveswhat was thatgot on your nerves?You smiledYou laughedyou sharpened your fangsI was alonescaredand you were in gangsYou tore memy soulyou ripped mewholemy flesh in bloodit flown like floodIt painedWhen you chainedI criedI triedI wasn't escapeYou whipped meyou ripped meand I was raped
Tell me oh men!What was my mistake?If I'm a girlborn to stake?
Who will be blamed?I lost my lifeafter I'm dead,
Will you be ashamed?

will you ever be?

When you saw me
and my curves
what was that
got on your nerves?
You smiled
You laughed
you sharpened your fangs
I was alone
scared
and you were in gangs
You tore me
my soul
you ripped me
whole
my flesh in blood
it flown like flood
It pained
When you chained
I cried
I tried
I wasn't escape
You whipped me
you ripped me
and I was raped

Tell me oh men!
What was my mistake?
If I'm a girl
born to stake?

Who will be blamed?
I lost my life
after I'm dead,

Will you be ashamed?

Trying to change the DNA? Yes! No! Maybe!

TRYING TO CHANGE THE DNA?

When you dislike someone's ideology, you find it not up to the mark or absurd.
You feel it is absurd with no base. May it be Racist, Feminist, Gender Bias, Anti-Intellectualism, Individualism, Male-Chauvinism, Religious Fanaticism so on and so forth, You tend to hate them! Sometime you disagree with the people you love, you hate their mentality.In most of the cases we disagree with our parents and elder people.By being brutally sarcastic and sarcastically brutal or by fighting or wasting your time in unnecessary indulgence of arguments; you cannot prove yourself right!Because..You are not arguing with kids to easily re-install some new and improved thinking.They are “grown up” without the hash tag of #GrowUp.They have spent their certain amount of time in the society and into their homes.The ideologies that you discard and abolish, run into their veins. They are marinated to each cell. It is next to impossible to change it.You talk about rapist?Do you think, holding poster against them will make them to respect women?No, I do not say, we should keep quiet and let the things be. We Must protest and confront but for the next generation. I motivate logical protest. (Yes, here you may disagree with me and have a huge comment-fight, but will it change what I said?But for sure it will make me cautious for the "next time".)E.g. I have stopped updating erotic excerpts of my stories because I know, I cannot change the mentality of certain class but I can find a place where people are educated enough to differentiate and understand.
Relating the above example you may say "So, Shall we leave our country and move to some other?"
You see, most of the people do this!NO! I have just stopped fighting with them. But I have not stopped writing. I didn't leave my genre (country) because I am not a coward to surrender myself to public.
Coming back to their social development.As I said, they have spent a certain amount of time to train their brains to become a patient of that ideology.Whether it is a political party abolishing Valentine's day or same any Facebook page asking to share a photograph "BOYCOTT CHINESE FOOD".
Just think, ain't you holding a firm ideology of respecting females or of being a vegan?Exactly the same way, they are cannibals, they are rapists, they are male-chauvinist, they are money-minded, they are selfish.
You have your own decisions, your own life!People you don't like, you cannot kill them because you are a so called law-abiding citizen but If you want to waste time... That is also your own decision..Just keep in mind, you have not taken charge of curing the deep rooted ideological sickness but of changing the DNA. I don't say, it is impossible, you cannot do it.. You can, you may, you will..But people will still stop if a car passes by.Your mother will still ask you not to wear micro minis.Your brother will still keep an eye on your phone calls and your exit-enter timings.
And that old grandma will still frown at your blonde highlighting and at your girlfriends..
Exceptions are there but escape?                      ... :)

The Women Bloggers

I seldom fulminate anyone because I am well aware of my imperfections and flaws.
Yes, I admit, Most of the times I finger what I see handy, voluminously horrendous idiocies, but, that too, just to laugh.
Okay, leaving it apart, if I speak of learning new things, I learn, I do learn, to be self-conscious and see my mistakes.
One thing that makes me happy is the number of brainy,well-informed and self-dependent women in my profile.
Mothers, social engineers, erudite, yet calm and managing.
At times I think, how will I be after twenty years, not only by looks but also by personality and aura, I can imagine myself, watching those grey locks tucked behind the ears and those fine lines on their face adding awards and honours to their experience.
I am a woman, I bear responsibilities, emotional-social-physical-hypothetical,
I get flummoxed many times yet I keep in mind, my targets, my duties and my womanhood.
I don't self-proclaimed, I don't announce, I don't brag, I just walk on the path I have decided. Dangerous, with no cornerstones and substratum yet the one I have chosen.
yes, It ain't easy but it is life and I live with a smile, just like you do, with those grey tresses battling with your eyelashes and those wrinkles - ornamenting your smiles, and those thick lenses resting on your noses.. 

Damn!! "I" love her

'I'
Persuaded my mind, ooh! She is not the girl.
Tried to ignore her.
Silently stalked all her activities.
I am just a friend, no heart no... Stop!
For many days I didn't talk to her,
She kept asking, what happened to me?
I had no answer.. I avoided her.
Days.. And weeks... And months.. And years..
I saw her growing, friending, breaking, laughing and crying..
I stood there, by there, to hug her, to hold her.
She came, hugged, cried but I am a friend.. No heart, stop!
I am a friend!
I blocked her, I changed my numbers.
Yes, I had girlfriends, many, to slumber.
The days were good but the nights were harsh
Music and liquor and dance to stash
Years and years, they passed so slow,
And my moxie weakened, I went so low
I cried, I tried, ever to bother..
Damn!! I am just a friend, but I love her!! 

"राग मल्हार" - "Raag Malhaar"

आज मल्हार कुछ रूठी हुई थी, उसकी आँखों में वो चमक भी न थी। मैंने उसे बाहों में भरते हुए पूछा
" मेरी शोना को क्या हुआ . . आज उदास है?"


वो बोली कुछ नहीं , बस ज़रा सा मुस्कुरा कर बात को टाल गयी . रसोई की तरफ बढ़ते हुए बोली '' चाए बना दूं आपके लिए?"
"हम्म, आधी कप " और मैं बाथरूम की तरफ तौलिया काँधे पर लिए चल पड़ा .

मुंह -हाथ धो कर वापस किचन में गया तो मल्हार चाए बनाने में व्यस्त थी, मैंने उसे पीछे से बाहों में भर लिया और उसकी गर्दन को चूमने लगा। वो सिहर सी गयी, लेकिन उसकी सिहरन में छुपी मुस्कुराहट मैं समझ गया।
सूती साडी में वो बेहद खूबसूरत दिखती थी, ज्यादा लीपापोती न करते हुए बस हल्का सा काजल , माथे पर छोटी सी बिंदिया , और मेरे कहने पर मांग में ढेर सारा सिन्दूर लगाती थी ..

दिन भर की सिलवट पड़ी साडी , उसकी ठोड़ी के गहरे भूरे तिल को चूमती उसकी लटें , चेहरे पर मुस्कान, दिन भर की मेरी सारी थकान मिटा सी देती थी .

मर्द हूँ ना , ज्यादा भावुक होना ठीक नहीं, शायद इसीलिए हर रोज़ उसकी जी भर के तारीफ़ नहीं करता था , लेकिन बस जब भी उसको देखता फिर से प्यार हो जाता था
उसके मोटे - मोटे गाल और हँसते वक़्त वो गालो में पड़ते गड्ढे, मासूम सी बच्ची मालूम पड़ती थी , और थी भी तो बच्ची , शायद मुझे तभी किसी बच्चे की कमी महसूस नहीं हुई .
जब -तब उसका चटोरपना , आइस-क्रीम का दीवाना पन और हर बार सर्दियों में मुझसे डांट खा कर मुह फुला लेना और डांटने के एवज में मुझसे "डबल ट्रीट " की दो मेगा-बार खाना उसकी आदत बन चुकी थी !
और उसके इस बचपने को मैंने भी अपना लिया था. .

मैं माँ के कमरे में चला गया, वहां माँ-पिताजी और छोटा भाई बैठ कर बाते कर रहे थे और टीवी पर कोई प्रोग्राम देख रहे थे ,
मैं जा कर माँ की गोद में लेट गया, पिताजी को एक नज़र देखा , उन्होंने भवें उठा कर हाल-चाल पुछा और मैंने भी मुस्कुरा कर उनका आदर किया।


सोनू ने आते ही कह दिया "भैया कॉलेज के दोस्त जयपुर जा रहे हैं , मैं भी जाऊंगा , कुछ पैसे दे देना"
मैंने माँ की गोद से उठते हुए कहा "और तुम्हारे एक्साम्स, वो कब से हैं "
इतने में मल्हार बात काटते हुए कमरे में आई और बोली "क्या आप भी, बस शुरू हो गए, चाय पी लीजिये"


और इशारे -इशारे में दोनों देवर भाभी में "मैच फिक्सिंग" हो गयी, ज्यादा नहीं बस कुछ सालों का ही तो फर्क था दोनों में , दोस्त ज्यादा थे वो, और सोनू की सारी गर्लफ्रेंड्स की लिस्ट भी मल्हार को ही पता थी

चाय पीते पीते मैंने मल्हार को इशारा कर दिया था की थोड़ी देर में कमरे में आ जाये।
थोड़ी देर माँ-पापा से बात करके मैं कमरे में चला गया और इन्टरनेट पर मूवी का टाइम चेक करने लगा


इतने में मल्हार भी आ गयी और आ कर आदतानुसार मेरी पीठ पर हाथ फेरने लगी, मैं पेट के बल लेता हुआ, लैपटोप पर बटन टीपे जा रहा था

" शाम को चलोगी,? पिक्चर चलते हैं , बहार ही खाना खायेंगे"


"माँ-पापा को भी ले चलें?" वो चहकती हुई बोली
"महोल्ले को भी ले लो" मैंने व्यंगात्मक तरीके से उसको कहा !
वो मुंह बनाते हुए बोली, "हुंह , वो कौनसा बहार जाते हैं "
मैंने उसका हाथ पकड़ कर खींच लिया और उसे होंठो को चूम लिया,
खुद को छुड़ाने लगी, लेकिन फिर शांत हो गयी और उसने आँखे बंध कर ली।
थोड़ी देर उसके होंठो को चूम कर मैं उसको बोल "बहुत बोलती हो, ज्यादा चपर चपर न किया करो"
उसने मुझे पकड़ कर खींच लिया "तो यूँ ही जुबान बंध कर दिया करो न"
उसकी आँखों में छुपी येही मुस्कराहट मुझे उसका दीवाना बना देती है , मैंने उसकी बाजुओं को कस कर भींच दिया,
जब दर्द से उसके चेहरे पर शिकन पड़ती थी, मुझे मज़ा आता था
वो किसी उत्तेजित हिरनी की तरह महकने लगती थी और मुझे अपने सम्पूर्ण होने का अनुभव होता था

"जाने दो !"
"तुमको भी पता है, मैं जाने नहीं दूंगा, क्यूँ बेकार दर्द लेती हो "
"कोई आ जायेगा"
"इतने सालो से कोई नहीं आया, अब कौन आएगा "
उसके कोमल उभारों के पीछे तेज़ धडकते दिल को महसूस कर सकता था मैं,
"आज भी वैसी ही हो, कुछ नहीं बदला"
और उसने हंस कर मेरे सीने में अपना मुंह छुपा लिया
"चलोगी? टिकेट करवा लूं ?"
और उसकी बिना हामी लिए मैंने रात की टिकट्स बुक करवा ली।

मैं एक आम व्यक्ति हूँ, बस खुद के लिए कुछ ज्यादा नहीं सोचता, सबके चेहरे पर येही मुस्कराहट बनी रहे, ऐसे ही कोशिश करता हूँ, कभी कर पाता हु कभी नहीं कर पाता।

दिन यूँ ही ढल गया और वो तैयार हो गयी, उसको देख कर दिल तो नहीं कर रहा था कहीं जाने का,
कुछ छेड़ा-खानी भी की, कि मैडम "दया-दृष्टि" दिखा दे, और मुझ भूखे को "खाना" मिल जाये
और वो हैं तडपाने में महारथ हासिल कर रखी है

खैर, अभी चलता हूँ "पति धर्म " निभाने
कोई "पत्नी पीढित संसथान" का नंबर जनता हो तो बता दे!!!

सलमान-वीर्य-उत्पादित-संतान

जब भी मैं ये सुनती हूँ "देश के युवा नेता राहुल गाँधी" मुझे जोर से हंसी आ जाती है।
अच्छा मज़ाक है।
नहीं, मैं राजनीती के खिलाफ नहीं हूँ, न ही मैं किसी व्यक्ति विशेष पर टिप्पणी कर रही हूँ और ना ही मैं किसी राजनितिक पार्टी की कार्य क्षमता व शैली में नुक्स निकाल रही हूँ। यहाँ घर चलन मुश्किल होता है, वो तो सारा देश चलते हैं।
आज राहुल बाबा का ज्ञान वितरण दिवस है तो बस कुछ पुरानी यादें ताज़ा हो गयी।लोगों को अक्सर गलत फ़हमी हो जाती है 'युवा नेता' 42 साल का कैसे?
दिल तो बच्चा है जी!! वो युवा नेता इसलिए कहलाते हैं क्यूंकि उनके साथ युवा फौज है। और वो कैसे है ये आप सभी जानते हैं।
"पॉवर" एक नशा है ये सभी जानते हैं, और इसका dose बूँद बूँद कर हमारी रगों में दल जाता है। कैसे?
भूल गए अपनी कॉलेज लाइफ? जब फर्स्ट इयर में स्टूडेंट पॉलिटिक्स का झंडा उठाये पूरे कॉलेज में चिल्लाते थे?
किस तैश में घुमते थे की कॉलेज का प्रेजिडेंट तुमको जनता है? फिर कॉलेज में NSUI या ABVP प्रेजिडेंट आ जाये तो कैसे "भाई भाई' कर के दुम हिलाते थे?नहीं इसमें आपकी कोई गलती नहीं है,अब आप बड़े हो चुके हैं।राहुल गाँधी के साथ सिर्फ वोही युवा हैं जो इस फ़्लैश लाइट से चकाचौंध हो जाते हैं। teenage!
सेंसिबल और well educated यूथ अपने आप को स्टूडेंट पॉलिटिक्स से हमेशा दूर रखता है और हम में से हर वो युवा पॉलिटिक्स से घृणा करता है जिसको ये पता है "यहाँ कोई किसी के लिए कुछ नहीं करता"
सच कहूँ तो देख कर दुःख होता है, कैसे कुत्तो की तरह आगे पीछे घूमता है  आज का युवा!
कारण समझ नहीं पाई!
Political support का टशन ?
बैक एंड जैक की थ्योरी ?
"काम निकलवा लेने" की तरकीब?
या The Charm of Power to attract the opposite gender ?
Attendance / Internals / Assignments or Admission से शुरू होने वाला "system" आगे कहाँ तक जाता है ये आप सभी जानते हैं! College Administration एंड Student Admission का "Suck Money Theorem" आज "कालाधन आन्दोलन" बन चूका है।
नीव खोखली कर के political-drugs का चस्का बुढ़ापे तक नहीं जाता ये किसी को नहीं दिखता , लेकिन हाँ, मोर्चा लिए "भ्रष्टाचार हटाओ आन्दोलन " में सफ़ेद half-pant पेहेन कर जरूर जायेंगे।
 कॉलेज की "Trilogy of Political Drugs" Amish Tripathi के 'बम भोले ' से दुगनी बिकेगी अगर लिखी जाये!
क्यूंकि आखिर में मिलता क्या है? ये 3-4 साल बर्बाद करने वाले उस  "युवा'' से पूछिए  जो आज  उसी राजनीति को देश तबाह करने के लिए कोसता है!

खैर, तब तो हम भी बच्चे थे जब हमने अपने पापा-चाचा को RWA President ,municipal counselor Mayor और नेताजी के सामने 'सर-सर-सर-सर' करते सुना था!
पतानहीं उनका "College Fever " नहीं उतरा या "Genetic Disease" बन गया !

वैसे मैं उनकी बात नहीं कर रही जो बालो को ब्लीच करवा कर,जीन्स को ब्लेड से फाड़ कर, ब्लैक एविएटर लगा कर अपने आपको "सलमान-वीर्य-उत्पादित-संतान " समझते हैं!
आप ही असली "युवा" हैं, राहुल बाबा आपके "youth icon"
लगे रहो!