Rebecca Eanes's Blog, page 21

Mindful Parenting: Your Language

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Intentional parenting asks us to be conscious of our own behaviors and how they affect those around us. It is common for us to speak in the same way that our parents spoke to us because we learned early on that is how to communicate. Even if we have learned to speak more kindly or gently than our parents, we can mirror the language and tone of our children if we are not mindful. That's your mirror neurons at work! Do these scenes sound familiar?

"Mom, I don't FEEL LIKE cleaning my room right now!"
"Well you WILL clean RIGHT NOW anyway!"

"Hey, get in the car NOW! We are running late!"
"OKAY! I'M COMING! CHILL!"

I've noticed that in my case, when I feel overwhelmed or anxious, my language gets negative. I tend to criticize rather an encourage or speak abruptly and with an irritated tone instead of speaking kindly. I also notice that my kids mirror me when I do that, and that tends to start a pretty ugly cycle which can lead to disconnection. It's important for connection that we bring into focus the language we use with our children. For those children whose primary love language is words of affirmation, speaking critically will be especially difficult for them. The same is true for highly sensitive children.

Areas to be mindful of:

Body Language: What is your body language saying? Do you look away when your child is speaking? Do you roll your eyes at their upsets? Do you cross your arms and legs when they talk to you? Be mindful of the body language you use and focus on the language of approval, appreciation, acceptance, listening, and gentleness.

Tone: We've all heard someone say one thing but clearly mean another just by the tone they use. You can say "that's a pretty drawing" without looking up or sounding the least bit interested. Sharp and irritated tones will be reflected back to you as you convey this is an acceptable way to communicate.

Criticism: Criticizing our children is never useful. Make it a goal to be an encourager, not a criticizer. Even when you need to correct your child, you can encourage instead of criticize. Here are 2 examples.

Critical: Why did you hit your brother? You are so naughty!
Encouraging: I know you didn't mean to hurt your brother. You would never hurt him intentionally. How can you make him feel better?

Negativity: It's generally a good idea to steer clear of "never" and "always" statements. "You never pick up your messes!" "You always leave your towel on the floor!" Ditch the negativity in favor of clear, concise instructions. "Please put your towel in the hamper." "Your room needs cleaned before we leave."

Getting control over the language you use will go a long way in creating the positive, peaceful family you want.

Ice Chalk Color Mixing

Today's activity was ice chalk mixing. To create ice chalk, I mixed equal parts corn starch and water in a muffin pan, added food coloring, and froze with a craft stick inside. 


I imagined they'd be able to paint with them, but it didn't quite work that way. We dunked them in water and they started to melt a bit, but still they were useless for drawing. However, we turned it into a great color mixing activity! This was a fun way to demonstrate how yellow and blue make green, red and blue make purple, red and yellow make orange, and so on. They really enjoyed mixing the colors and seeing all the combinations they could make. 




I'll need to work on the recipe to make ice chalk that actually draws, but this was a fun and educational activity for this hot summer day!

Superhero Scavenger Hunt

Ready for a fun twist on the ever-popular scavenger hunt? Do your kids love to dress up as superheroes? This is going to be a blast!

We are costume junkies, so we already had all of these costumes in our dress up box. I made the boys their scavenger hunt list and laid out the costumes.



I then explained the rules. Look for superhero symbols I've hidden around our house. When you find a symbol, you run back to the corresponding superhero's costume and dress up as that superhero before moving on to find your next symbol. When you do find the next symbol, you come back and dress up as that superhero, and so forth. Of course, there was quite a bit of villain fighting in between the symbols searches which made for a great time!

Secret Balloon Messages in the Bath

The words our children hear have great power. Water balloons in the bath are always a fun time, but for a little added love, I put a special surprise in each balloon. I wrote small love notes on craft sticks and stuffed them inside. Each time my child popped a balloon, out came a sweet message for him to read. "You are loved." "I'm glad you're mine." "You have a kind heart." "I appreciate you."



Try this activity with your little ones. It's just another fun little way to let your little ones know how much you love them! 

Swamp Bath!

We love to make bath time super fun in our home. When I saw this amazingly fun sensory bath here at Growing a Jeweled Rose, I knew I had to try this out! Definitely check our her blog for more amazing ideas!

 I started by cooking some spaghetti noodles, then coloring them with plain food coloring.





Next, I added a few drops of green food coloring to their bath water. Note: This does not stain the kids or the tub.  Then I added what few creatures I could find.




Then I dumped in the noodles.


Next: Add children!
My boys loved this wild and wacky bath! They ended up stringing the noodles all over themselves to become swamp monsters!
Afterwards, I just scooped the noodles out of the tub (yep, that took some time) and the did a quick tub wipe down. Totally worth it.
Have a playful day!

I Create My World by Connie Bowen - A Book Review

 Create My World is a fanciful collection of 16 full-color illustrations paired with a corresponding affirmation. This whimsical book highlights the importance of our thoughts to shape our lives as demonstrated by the law of attraction. Some of the affirmations included in the book are I hold the keys that create my world,; I focus on what I love,; ;I am right on track,; and many more. Encouraging children to use their imagination to interpret each illustration is one of the highlights of this book. Each painting contains its own joyful characters comprising a mini-story in itself.
Empowering children with self-affirmation at a young age can be a stepping stone to a purposeful life of creativity, lasting fulfillment and joy.

 I Create My World is a wonderful introduction to affirmations for children. It's never too soon to begin teaching the power of positive thinking to our children, and I Create My World introduces young children to this powerful tool.

The illustrations are imaginative and engaging. My sons caught on quickly to the fact that the little picture on the left page was hidden somewhere on the right page, so they had a fun time finding the picture. They really enjoyed the whimsical and fun illustrations and the short but powerful affirmations. There are questions at the end of book asking children questions like "Did you find the upside down city" which had my kids searching back through each page, intently looking for the answers to the questions.

This is a beautiful book that children of all ages (and adults too!) will love.

Connie Bowen has written and illustrated a fantastic children's book with a positive message while making it engaging and really fun to look at! My children really enjoyed this book, and I think yours will, too!

You can find I Create My World on Amazon.


BiographyConnie Bowen was born in Los Angeles, California and lived in a busy West L.A. suburb by the beach until age 13. It was pure culture shock when she was uprooted from junior high school to move with her mother to the wheat fields and cattle ranching area of the Pacific Northwest known as the Tri-Cities, Washington.

She majored in art at Washington State University and then attended a private business college in Portland, Oregon to study court reporting. After managing her own court reporting firm for 23 years, Connie retired to follow her dream of pursing her art career full-time. 
It was the birth of her son that inspired Connie to create her first children's book of affirmations, "I Believe In Me," published by Unity Books, which won the national Athena Award for 'book as mentor' in the category of spirituality. As of 2012, it has sold over 55,000 copies, including the Spanish edition, "Yo Creo En Mi."
Her second book, "I Turn to the Light," composed of affirmations for healing, soon followed, as did "The Sunbeam and the Wave," written by Harriet Hamilton which Connie illustrated.
Connie's love of animals led her to form a lasting bond with author Susan Chernak, author of "Animals As Teachers and Healers." It was through this connection that Connie went on to illustrate two of Susan's books, "Heart in the Wild," and "All My Relations" for Random House and New World Library.
Connie combines her three passions of metaphysics, art and her love of animals in her animal portraiture and illustrations. Her several hundred animal portraits hang in private collections throughout the United States. 
After a powerful personal shift in spiritual awareness, Connie began an intense quest for all things metaphysical and has continued her study for over two decades. Her deep and abiding interest in bringing concepts of self-esteem and self-love to children continues to inspire her whimsical artistic style.

Back by Popular Demand! PDF Bundle Flash Sale - Limited Time Only

I am re-opening the popular Flash Sale for until 7/4/2014 at 12 midnight EST. You get three PDFs for the price of one, pay only $3.99 for the bundle.



 Here's what you're getting!

Positive Parenting in Action (PDF file) Retail Value $3.99

Parenthood is a beautiful journey. We don't have to become adversaries with our children; doing so is very unnatural to our humanity. We are all wired for connection, for closeness, and for love. Positive parenting frees us to move from the traditional parenting roles which create friction and rebellion and allows us instead to move into a more natural role which creates cooperation and peace. The inevitable conflicts that arise in a relationship no longer define the relationship, but serve as stepping stones to greater understanding and connection.

There is an abundance of resources available which tell parents why traditional parenting practices are not optimal, but few help parents learn what to do in place of traditional practices. In this book, we'll discuss the principles of positive parenting, and then we will go through more than 40 scenarios to show you what it looks like when these principles are put into action.


The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting (PDF file) Retail Value $3.99


Do you want to create a more positive and peaceful home? Are you tired of parenting formulas and techniques that just don't work and leave you feeling at odds with your child? Learn the 5 principles of positive parenting and discover how to bring connection and peace back into your relationship with your child. You'll learn a new way in which to relate to your child, one which fosters connection rather than disconnection, respect rather than rebellion, and cultivates a healthy relationship which you can enjoy throughout the years.



BONUS! Recipes for Homemade Fun (PDF file)
Recipes for Homemade Fun offers the following recipes:
Salt Dough Ornaments
Cinnamon Dough Ornaments
Cloud Dough
Homemade Play Dough
Homemade Bubbles
Homemade Moon Sand
Flour Paint
Sculpting Foam
Oobleck
Sparkle Paint
Flubber
Paper Mache
Scratch and Sniff Watercolors
Crafty Clay
Clay Dough

Creating an Environment for Children to Thrive

Children have been compared to flowers often as the similarities are evident - they are beautiful, they are unique, they require tender, loving care, they bloom in their own time. Often we focus on changing our child rather than changing their environment, but changing the environment has a big impact on how our children grow. If we consciously tend to our gardens, our flowers will blossom.

The Physical Environment

1. It's hard with small children, but try to keep the clutter to a minimum. Simple, neat spaces are more pleasing and soothing than cluttered and crowded spaces.

2. Subtle décor can have a big impact. Fresh flowers on the table, light-hearted wall hangings or beautiful art all add to the feeling of your home.

3. Pleasant scents lift moods. Did you know that the human sense of smell can identify thousands of aromas and is 10,000 times more precise than our sense of taste? Find what scents energize your children and what scents soothe them.

4. Provide toys and activities that children can reach/do independently without the help of an adult. Put as much on their level as you are comfortable with, including healthy snacks, books, puzzles and games, cups/plates/utensils, etc. Provide a mirror at your child's level. Have stools available at sinks.

5. Let the sunshine in! Open shades and windows. Research has proven that natural lighting helps people be more productive, happier, healthier and calmer.


The Mental Environment

1. Protect your children as best as you can from things which are not age appropriate. This means mature television shows, video games, or movies with themes their young minds may not be ready for.

2. Be a role model! As much as you can show them how to live joyfully, laugh loudly, bounce back, show compassion, be optimistic, positive, and happy is as much as they will be able to do the same.

3. Ensure your child gets the proper nutrition, sleep, and exercise as these affect mental health.

4. Love, security and acceptance should be at the heart of your family life.  Children need to know that your love does not depend on his or her accomplishments.Confidence grows in a home that is full of unconditional love and affection.

5. Nurture your child's confidence and self-esteem. Encourage them, Be their cheerleader. Give healthy praise. Set realistic goals. Avoid sarcastic remarks.

6. Let them play! Free play, messy play, exploring, and unstructured play time are great for children. Most of it comes off in the shower!

7.  Ensure a positive, safe school environment. Work closely with your child's teachers. Always advocate for your child when necessary. Keep lines of communication flowing so that your child feels he or she can discuss problems with you.

8. Build competencies. Children need to know that they can overcome challenges and accomplish goals through their actions. Achieving academic success and developing individual talents and interests helps children feel competent and more able to deal positively with the stresses of life. Social competency is also important. Having friends and staying connected to friends and loved ones can enhance mental well-being.

9. Create a sense of belonging. Children need to feel connected and welcomed, and this is vital to their developing sense of self and their trust in themselves and others. Greet your child warmly every morning and after school. Include your child in on family meetings. Creating warm and memorable family traditions will build a sense of tradition and closeness in the family unit. Help your child develop positive relationships with outside family members, teachers, clergy, coaches, and peers.

10. Teach your child healthy mental boundaries. Explain that they have a choice in choosing peers who bring out the best in them and in staying away from people who don't. Show them how to set and enforce limits with others and be assertive. Role play how to handle multiple situations in which their values and limits may be tested so that they feel empowered in dealing with this when it arises.


The Emotional Environment

1. Ensure each child feels safe to express his/her feelings.

2. Keep family drama away from the kids. It's okay for the children to see parents argue as long as no one is verbally abusive and it ends peacefully as this can model positive skills, but if you can't keep from shouting and insulting, keep it away from the kids.

3. Sibling squabbles are to be expected, but make sure it doesn't get out of hand. If a sibling is feeling bullied or being hurt physically or mentally, you need to step in.

4. Avoid comparing your children to each other and to other children.

5. Respect your children. Listen to them and take them seriously. Make them feel like a valued member of the family unit.

6. Accept all feelings and teach children how to manage their emotions.

7. Create and respect healthy boundaries. Verbal and physical abuse obviously violates their boundaries. Additionally, children’s property, space, and privacy should be respected.

8. Allow children age appropriate decisions, responsibilities, and independence.

9. Be fair and reasonable in your discipline. Do not give consequences when you are emotionally charged.

10. Allow them to be who they are and nurture and love the child you have.

The Garden - A Parenting Parable Review

Living and parenting in an age of chronic stress, anxiety and distraction, what does it take to raise children to thrive, not just survive? Through the metaphor of flowers as children, the story of The Garden is a powerful and poignant parable about the essential process of tending, trusting and growing strong roots. A story told with resplendent illustrations, The Garden shows us how to reclaim and cultivate the transformative power of relationship, and reminds us to enjoy the process, through exploring our own stories, fears and expectations, and marvel at our children's growth as we learn to hold, let go, and respect each child's unique nature.

Lu's writing always touches tender places in my heart, and The Garden is no exception. This is a short, easy read but leaves a beautiful impression. Interwoven in this lovely parable, the author eases our fears as a parent, tells us in the most gentlest way possible to not look to other families and compare ourselves to them, our children to their children, because each is unique and needs it's own special blend of love and care to thrive. She warns us of getting trapped in the loop of noticing imperfections or wishing our child was different somehow. Then she asks the question we all ask in our parenting journeys - How can I get my flowers to bloom more quickly and stay open longer? Acknowledging that there is no magic formula, not for gardens or for children, Lu shows us how to relax and enjoy the process as we tend to our own families, and that even though we may not be perfect at it, our flowers will bloom if we lovingly tend to them every day. "The miracle grows where the eye can't see...in the strong roots underground that reach deep into the black earth with long tributaries of trust, anchoring the garden above to grow with the changing seasons, trampling of sneakers, silent snowfalls and spring thaws."

Beautifully illustrated and written, The Garden is a lovely reminder to have on your bedside table. There is something ever so soothing and grounding about this little book. I hope you'll pick it up and enjoy it as much as I did.


Lu is an award-winning writer, author, educator, speaker, television host, brain science geek, creativity crusader, and most grateful mama of two boys. She is the author of the acclaimed book "Let the Baby Drive: Navigating the Road of New Motherhood," former NBC anchor and Discover Health Channel host of Make Room for Baby. For five years, she hosted The Science Show, syndicated in 11 countries. She currently co-hosts a dynamic educational television program for youth in New York called Liberty Treehouse.

Lu's essays and articles have been published in The New York Times, Mothering, Parenting, Fit Pregnancy and Redbook.  Lu and the amazing Tanya Leonello collaborated on a previous book, "Picnic on a Cloud," a children's story about what happens when connection and imagination join forces. Lu is founder of WYSH Wear Your Spirit for Humanity, her socially conscious initiative and newly minted studio awarded "Best of South Jersey." She lives in New Jersey with her husband and two boys. You can find Lu on Facebook on her page Parent2ParentU.

48-Hour Flash Sale on PDFs for Wesley!

If you follow our Facebook page, you've probably seen me post about "Wesley," an orphan in China who is in need of urgent adoption before he ages out in August. There is a family who has adopted from China before who is now pursuing adopting "Wesley," but they are racing against the clock! They are still 3,000 short of their goal to help fund the first part of the adoption (grants will fund the final part), and so I'm doing a 48-hour flash sale on my 2 eBooks and plan to donate 100% of the proceeds to the Vinson Family for "Wesley's" adoption.


Buy the Bundle for just $3.99 here!




Here's what you're getting!

Positive Parenting in Action (PDF file) Retail Value $3.99

Parenthood is a beautiful journey. We don't have to become adversaries with our children; doing so is very unnatural to our humanity. We are all wired for connection, for closeness, and for love. Positive parenting frees us to move from the traditional parenting roles which create friction and rebellion and allows us instead to move into a more natural role which creates cooperation and peace. The inevitable conflicts that arise in a relationship no longer define the relationship, but serve as stepping stones to greater understanding and connection.

There is an abundance of resources available which tell parents why traditional parenting practices are not optimal, but few help parents learn what to do in place of traditional practices. In this book, we'll discuss the principles of positive parenting, and then we will go through more than 40 scenarios to show you what it looks like when these principles are put into action.


The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting (PDF file) Retail Value $3.99


Do you want to create a more positive and peaceful home? Are you tired of parenting formulas and techniques that just don't work and leave you feeling at odds with your child? Learn the 5 principles of positive parenting and discover how to bring connection and peace back into your relationship with your child. You'll learn a new way in which to relate to your child, one which fosters connection rather than disconnection, respect rather than rebellion, and cultivates a healthy relationship which you can enjoy throughout the years.



BONUS! Recipes for Homemade Fun (PDF file)
Recipes for Homemade Fun offers the following recipes:
Salt Dough Ornaments
Cinnamon Dough Ornaments
Cloud Dough
Homemade Play Dough
Homemade Bubbles
Homemade Moon Sand
Flour Paint
Sculpting Foam
Oobleck
Sparkle Paint
Flubber
Paper Mache
Scratch and Sniff Watercolors
Crafty Clay
Clay Dough

I'm giving you 2 books for the price of one and throwing in a bonus file! This is a 48 hour flash sale and will end 5 p.m. on 06/18/2014, so grab it before it ends!




*Note* I do not know the Vinson Family personally. I have briefly chatted with her via Facebook messaging and I know their story to be true through other adoptive advocates. I am not affiliated with the Vinson Family, Reece's Rainbow, or the orphanage in any way.*