Leandra Medine's Blog, page 76

Ask MR: How to Handle Your Best Friend Getting Married

Marriage is a construct, etc, but it’s also a veritable pillar of modern society. And whether you choose to subscribe to it or not, you’ll more than likely have to participate in it at some point, and that can prove occasionally sticky for close friends. Below, originally published in September of 2016, a reader asks Amelia how to deal with a best friend who’s getting married and losing herself in the process.

Your can ask us a question by sending one of us a DM, emailing write@manrepeller.com with the subject line “ASK MR A QUESTION,” or simply leaving one in the comments.

Dear Man Repeller,

My best friend is getting married and I am terrified. Am I going to lose her? Is this the end of us doing everything together? Is this the end of sleepovers and late-night texts? Is she going to tell her husband my secrets even when I make her swear to not tell anyone? It already seems like she’s changing. I’m in the wedding and she is being a really crazy bride. That’s hard, too. Because where did my friend go? And I hate the dress I have to wear. Help!

Sincerely,

Sad Bouquet

Dear Sad Bouquet,

Your best friend is probably scared. One thing nearly all of my married friends have said is that along with the excitement of this new chapter — the party planning, the dress shopping and the cake trying — comes a little bit of fear.

I know that’s not what you asked. You asked where your friend went, and is she staying on whatever strange new planet she seems to currently be straddling. What she needs right now is her best friend. Not the the one who she Instagrammed a month ago saying something like, “In 30 more days I get to marry my best friend!” She needs you.

So first thing’s first: a sailing metaphor. When you’re sailing, if someone falls overboard, everyone has to stare at the person who fell into the water and point so that he or she doesn’t get lost in the ocean. Like an Apple remote in a couch cushion, man, people just disappear. So anyway, eyes on her and the friendship. Don’t lose sight, even while she’s flailing around and shouting and making you wear an ugly dress. She’s swallowing salt water! Cut her a break.

Next, say to her, “Hey best friend. I love you so much and this is all going to be great. I promise. And if you want to talk about anything at all, I’m here.” She’ll probably be like, “What’s wrong? Are you high? I’m fine.” Just say it. It’s nice to be asked in case she was hoping someone would ask. Be her best friend. You have to help hold this friendship afloat while she’s running around with a vocabulary suddenly limited to words like “chiffon” and “endive.” What you’re doing right here is maintaining the friendship during a time when friendships can strain.

I’ve seen the Sad Bouquet and the Bride drift apart following weddings. Sad Bouquet pulls away from the Bride because she was bossy and only talked about her imminent nuptials. (Fuck that word, I know. It’s weird to spell.) Bride Best Friend pulls away because Sad Bouquet was being…kinda mean? Or sour. Or seemed unhappy on a day that was supposed to be filled with joy.

I’ve also seen them come back together, closer than ever. Elastic snap-back depends on how strong the left and right force were to begin with, which means that right now, you need to hang on tight and pull. A little space after the wedding while she gets settled and you get settled will be good. If your friendship is one built upon mutual respect and love, you two will snap back—no doubt about it.

Your best friend will go back to normal once the stress of planning a wedding dissipates. You two will still have long late-night texts analyzing the depths of one another’s neuroses. You’ll have sleepovers! They just might be “away games,” or at your place. She might tell her husband your secrets; she might have already done that? It’s annoying, but if she does, it’s because she’s consulting him as her other best friend to provide you with the best advice. Speaking of, one more piece: Regarding your dress, suck it up and pretend to like it. You get to ruin it on the dance floor.

Ask MR Identity by Madeline Montoya.

The post Ask MR: How to Handle Your Best Friend Getting Married appeared first on Man Repeller.

Yes, the Holidays Are Coming Faster. No, They Don’t Have To!

“Halloween comes earlier every year” is a thing we say with all the regularity of Halloween itself. In part this is because of how time collapses: The 12 months between my first Halloween (costume choice: bumblebee) and my second (tomato) equaled 100 percent of my lifetime. The time between my grandmother’s most recent Halloween (costume choice: retiree) and the one to come (she’s thinking about it) will account for 1.08 percent of hers. Our first Halloween is a titanic overload of ghosts and goblins and glitter and our mothers, usually so familiar, dressed as lions. Our 30th might be a parade of sexy teachers, sexy nurses, sexy peacocks, sexy bananas. Our 92nd—pfft. Halloweens arrive with the regularity and insignificance of passing commuter trains.

This is a situation compounded by matters not of perception but of science, and broken seasons, and catastrophic dislocation. Last Thursday, the third day of October, the high temperature in New York City was 91 degrees, and so our bodies said Where is the beach? rather than What can I be for Halloween that is not a sexy banana? Meanwhile, pumpkin spice lattes have been on sale since the week before Labor Day, because Starbucks decided to test the limits of our appetites for PSLs and PSL season writ large. And so, seasonality—and the underlying pleasures of a thing that it is more valuable because it is less available—becomes just another kind of scarcity. Why have scarcity when you can have more, and everything, all of the time?

No wonder Halloween feels like it comes earlier every year: As a percentage of our time on Earth, it does. Our bodies are telling us that it’s mid-summer, not early fall, while our flavored coffees, with entirely their own agenda, would have us believe that mid-fall starts in late summer.

It’s a mess. There is, though, a way to right some of these wrongs.

Last year, I was “too busy” to come up with a costume until Halloween morning, and ultimately decided to go to a party in Paris as “an American woman”: camo T-shirt, camo Elizabeth & James jeans, Forever 21 camo sweatshirt, French Army camo jacket. (“Et voilà, I am both celebrating and satirizing your French expectations of American fashion norms!”). I slowly walked up rue Oberkampf, knowing my costume was a failure; I bought the cheapest possible pinot noir at a convenience store, went to my friend’s apartment, knocked gently on the door, put the wine next to the doormat when no one answered, and turned to go home, though I could hear the party stirring inside. Halfway down the stairs, though, I passed a man on his way to the party I had just abandoned. Eleven months later, I see him perfectly: He was dressed as a French mime, his face painted chalk-white, with a lemon-yellow beret and a blue-and-white striped marinière. In his arms, he cradled two baguettes, wrapped not in standard paper but vintage French linen. It was like seeing a deer walk through my living room. I can barely remember the five Halloweens that came before that one, but I will never forget that mime.

His commitment was magnificent, and in its magnificence, we find a solution for our problem. We cannot force Starbucks to respect the natural timeline of the pumpkin harvest, but we can reconfigure our sense of time, and how we spend it. When we create things that are magnificent, we regard their debut with apprehension, and excitement, and wonder, and trust me, if you sit down today and dream up the greatest Halloween costume anyone has ever created, the time between now and Halloween will dribble by, like the slowest trickle of seasonally appropriate maple sap. Things we want seem to arrive more slowly; for proof, let us momentarily return to those commuter trains, which never appear more irregularly than when we are late. I am too busy, you are too busy—and yet I just spent the last ten minutes busily staring out my window. An amazing idea rarely takes much time—it takes, instead, the desire to have one, and a sense of the possibility that we might be magnificent. (Pinterest can help.)

Without that sense of possibility, we will be caught off-guard, in our camo non-costumes, and Halloween, and the holidays that follow, will hurtle toward us, another undone task coming due. With it, though, we can do the hard work of making our holidays magical ourselves. Like everything worth having, they will take forever to get here. The alternative is a world moving ever-faster, filled with sexy peacocks. We can do better, and be brilliant.

Graphics by Coco Lashar.

The post Yes, the Holidays Are Coming Faster. No, They Don’t Have To! appeared first on Man Repeller.

How to Layer for Fall Without Looking Like an Abominable Snowman

Outfit layering is kind of like Tetris: Not every item of clothing is destined to fit together, but when you find a particular combination that does, it looks seamless and feels satisfying. The real challenge doesn’t necessarily lie in determining a winning combination, however, but rather in determining a whole slew of them–enough to make the most of your wardrobe and prevent the often-inevitable turtleneck/pullover sweater/blazer rut. It takes some experimentation to achieve, especially when you’re striving for that perfect “not too sparse, not too reminiscent of an abominable snowman” middle ground.

I’ve given this a lot of thought, parsing through the mechanics of layering with a Confucian sensibility, and I’ve landed on eight specific combinations that seem to check all the boxes when it comes to fit, proportions, depth, warmth, and aesthetic appeal. Scroll down below for my full rundown–an eight-course autumnal mixology menu of layering ideas to use as fodder next time you’re approaching rut territory.

1) The Hors d’Oeuvre: Turtleneck + Blazer + Quilted Jacket

YOU HAVE ARRIVED! At the first licks of autumn, at the dinner party, at your first chance to layer it up after months of literally sweating it out. So. You get a bit impulsive. You layer a turtleneck (duh) under a blazer under a quilted jacket–the stylistic equivalent of something you might pluck from a proffered silver tray before the person holding it has a chance to tell you what it is, but no matter, it’s not about conventions, it’s about gut instinct, and your gut is telling you to pair two forms of fitted outerwear together.

2) The Bread Basket: Ruffly Collar Blouse + Jean Jacket + Trench Coat

Pretzel, olive, French, foccacia, whole wheat, or brioche? The inherent problem with bread baskets if that by the time they’re set down on the table, you’re getting hungry enough to want one of each even though you’re well-aware that might spoil your impending dinner. Fortunately, because the desire to “have it all” has no repercussions when it comes to layering (minus the occasional overheating incident), you have full permission to wear your favorite fall staples simultaneously, right on top of each other. Just don’t forget to un-tuck your ruffly collar so it can thrive in true pumpkin spice Shakespeare glory.

3) The Amuse Bouche: Zip-Up + Cardigan

The amuse bouche is where you, the chef (of outfits), are inclined to get wild. It’s just a bite, after all–a taste of something intended to amuse. To surprise! To delight. So why not execute on this mission by way of an extraneous zipper? The ideal, unexpected crunch that seemingly transforms the whole thing out of nowhere. Finish things off with a cardigan because there is no more celebratory frame for what’s going on south of your chin.

4) The Appetizer: T-Shirt + Turtleneck Sweater

You’re probably getting a little full at this point, which is completely understandable when you load up on layers at the first sign of a crunchy leaf, so consider the light layer medley that is a T-shirt under a turtleneck sweater. There are no extraneous jackets or butters or coats involved in this delicate array of sartorial lettuces, so you can nibble at the thrill of layering without overdoing it.

5) The Palate Cleanser: Turtleneck + Dress + Vest

Layering’s parallel to a spoonful of citrus-flavored sorbet is undoubtedly a turtleneck under a dress under a vest. Basic enough to execute on a whim, simple enough to sooth the soul, but with the zest that only an unexpected layer like a vest (!) can introduce to your outfit’s palette.

6) The Entrée: Turtleneck + Crewneck Sweater + Cardigan

You really have to be in the zone to prepare yourself for this double whammy–the “cauliflower prepared two ways” of fall layering, if you will: double knitwear worn over a turtleneck, a.k.a. fashion’s mashed potato equivalent. The epitome of fireplace-sitting, apple-picking coziness, this combo will swaddle you emotionally and physically at the same time. A protein boost for the ages.

7) The Dessert: Button-Down + Boatneck Sweater

By the time your dessert course rolls around, otherwise known as late autumn, you’re probably hankering for the true contrast in flavor that something sweet can bring to the table. It doesn’t have to be complicated, but to satisfy the craving, it does have to be different, so how about… a button-down instead of a turtleneck? And a boatneck instead of crew? That’s the stuff.

8) The After-Dinner Mint: T-Shirt + Dickie + Overcoat

Would you look at that? It’s the end of the meal that is fall and approaching December and you’re looking for something to melt in your mouth and shake you out of your impending winter stupor. The answer is a trend that lies out of your typical comfort zone but could very well be the precise thing that gets you in the mood for all the layering yet to come: a DICKIE!!!!!!! Or, for the uninitiated, a bib for grownups. Not only do they look cool simply layered over a shirt or for that juicy knight-of-the-roundtable aesthetic, but they also function well under a coat when you want to cultivate the appearance of a turtleneck whilst still maintaining plenty of bicep breathing room.

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6 PHOTOS
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Photographer: Sabrina Santiago

Stylist: Harling Ross

Market:  Elizabeth Tamkin

Models: Alvina Bokhari at Anti-Agency, Victoria Gomez at Jag, Eva Evans at Noni Agency, & Giannina Oteto at No Agency.

Hair: Sergio Estrada

Makeup Artist: Rachael Krutchkoff

Stylist Assistant: Share C Koech

The post How to Layer for Fall Without Looking Like an Abominable Snowman appeared first on Man Repeller.

You Look Moist: A Beauty Hypebeast Who Quit Her Pimple-Popping Habit

Welcome to You Look Moist , a regular column wherein Man Repeller asks cool people with glowing visages how they achieved their supreme hydration (amongst other things). Today’s installment features Julie Schott, former beauty editor and co-founder of the new skincare brand Starface. 

How would you describe your skin?

A lot like a jellyfish, in that every vein and blood vessel is visible, and also, my skin is super reactive. If it likes something, the results are tremendous, but when it doesn’t, there’s a tendency to act out.

How would you describe your skincare approach in general?

I will try anything once—I’m a beauty hypebeast—but my day-to-day is never more than three products at once for a few reasons: One, they tend to pill when I layer more and two, I want science or immediate results (ideally both). That’s part of how I became obsessed with hydrocolloid pimple patches because there’s a rewarding reveal.

 

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A post shared by Julie Schott (@julie_schott) on Mar 12, 2019 at 12:37pm PDT

What skincare products are integral to your routine for achieving your ideal, glowing, well-moisturized complexion, and how/when do you use each of them?

My skin is oily and acneic, so I’m not big on moisturizer. At night I use Biossance Vitamin Serum and during the day I always wear sunscreen. Supergoop Glow Stick gives a nice gloss without making me break out.

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What about makeup products?

I have patchy eyebrows from trichotillomania, so I use a few products to fill them in every day. Urban Decay Brow Blade is a double-ended marker/pencil combo that gives a believable fill, and Benefit Gimme Brow Eyebrow Gel adds extra body so they don’t look like anime brows.

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What’s the cheapest product you use regularly and love?

Aquaphor—I use on my lips, eyes, eyebrows, as makeup remover, and on my legs. It works for everything.

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Is there anything you try to avoid, skincare or makeup-wise?

I try to avoid anything permanent like laser hair removal because I did that when hairless was a look and now I wish I had pubes.

Any next-level tips, tricks, or services that you swear by to help you look “lit from within”?

I’m obsessed with Dr. Idriss and recommend her to anyone in New York when I get questions about Botox, fillers, etc. She is the most wonderful dermatologist and person for anything cosmetic.

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what should i name this planet?

A post shared by Julie Schott (@julie_schott) on Jan 24, 2019 at 6:41pm PST

What’s your go-to product or trick for fixing a skin disaster?

The Starface Hydro-Stars got me to stop skin picking and pimple popping. I used to do insane things with a metal extractor tool and now if I see something, I put a star on it.

Do you do anything differently skincare-wise when you travel?

Not really, I just pack any minis I’ve accumulated and incorporate wipes because they travel well, but I don’t use them on a regular basis.

What’s something you wish your teenage-self knew about taking care of your skin?

To appreciate it!! Stop smoking cigarettes and tanning, dummy. I didn’t get acne until my early 20s, which was a huge bummer and made me feel especially self-conscious at work as a young person. At the time, I got cortisone shots, took antibiotics, and tried every as-seen-on TV system. Now I would say “do less” and be gentle.

Photos provided by Julie Schott.

The post You Look Moist: A Beauty Hypebeast Who Quit Her Pimple-Popping Habit appeared first on Man Repeller.

I Recreated 5 Prada Runway Looks With My Own Wardrobe

Over the course of the past few weeks, I entered my mid-twenties, got married, and took a long internet-free vacation—a collective impetus for self-evaluation if there ever was one. While my resulting introspection has diverged down countless avenues (Is age more of a number or a feeling? Do I actually like clogs now?), it reached a crescendo when I started thinking about Prada.

Like some sort of sartorial metronome, Prada seems to measure out the collective beat of each season without ever being drowned out by the surrounding music. Take, for example, the brand’s Spring 2008 collection in collaboration with artist James Jean which captured the waifish spirit of aughts fashion and transported it to a mystical world of moss-clad nymphs. Or the Fall 2017 collection which largely flew under the trend radar but acknowledged with all its knitted mohair and floppy fur shoes that the world seemed to be in need of a cozy, collective hug.

While I’ve always been a big Prada fan, I’ve previously avoided leaning fully into the Prada look. I’ve scoured eBay for a few pairs of perfect Prada shoes, because my penchant for shoe design means that I treat my closet like I’m building the world’s least spacious shoe museum, but beyond that, the brand has always seemed a bit untouchable. It’s meant for grown women, elegant women who have their shit together, women who temper the kookiness of their Pop Art-intarsia fur coat with a sleek blowout and a purse that is probably not full of Hot Cheetos crumbs. In the midst of my many personal sea changes, now seemed like a better time than ever to try on this Prada womanhood for size. I delved into some of my favorite looks from the brand’s archives and my own closet to produce a handful of potentially grown-up looks below.

#1: S/S 2019

I wore variations on this outfit all summer, sans knee-highs, but only because I forgot (until now) that I purchased them back in May! Usually I’m not one for an all-black outfit, but there’s something perfect about these school uniform-esque proportions. They soften the outfit with a light dose of nostalgia, which makes it feel a bit more “me” than it would otherwise.

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#2: F/W 2015, Principessa

I love the formality of Prada. As I’ve grown into my twenties, I have realized that I am someone who unabashedly loves dressing up. I held true to this for all of my early teen years, but in college I sometimes felt the need to make myself seem palatably “chill” in a pair of Carhartts and a sweatshirt. Outfits like the one above bring me so much more joy and always tug on my heart strings, reminding me why I so loved fashion in the first place. Now, who is willing to lend me a pair of butter-yellow opera gloves?

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#3: F/W 2014, Slip + Shearling

Ugh, this combination of a silk slip and a big, slouchy leather-and-shearling number is my pinnacle of the sexiest outfit ever. There’s something about the flimsiness of a quasi-undergarment against the sturdiness of the coat that begs questions of what it means to be dressed versus undressed, vulnerable versus protected, but I digress. How beautiful and unexpected is this distinctly Prada, intentionally mismatched color combination of plum jam, ketchup, and mustard? This look almost makes me miss my big shearling jacket that has been banished to storage until at least October (we spent too much time together this past winter), but a clash of red and green will do for early fall.

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#4: F/W 2019, Franken-Outfit

When I first caught sight of His Royal Highness Jeff Goldblum on Instagram in this season’s Prada button-down printed with Frankenstein, I nearly smashed my phone with excitement. I love horror movie imagery, and I actually spent years tracking down this Christopher Kane T-shirt because I deeply regretted not buying it when I had the chance in 2013 (thank you, Depop). I love how this runway look is also a Frankenstein creation of sorts, cobbled together from lace, fluff, and alternating bands of fabric.

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#5: S/S 2014, Bra Top and Tube Socks

Lucky for me, Elizabeth recently coined a term for exactly what is happening here: reverse layering. Again, sultriness (exposed underwear) is contrasted with awkward utility (athletic tube sock-leg warmers), an unbeatable pairing. Plus! More deliciously strange color combinations. Maybe Prada is the peanut butter-and-pickle sandwich of designers? Something that sounds wrong on paper but is perfectly balanced on the palate? Full disclosure, I’ve never had a peanut butter-and-pickle sandwich, but I wore my bra on the outside last night and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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I could keep digging into the Prada archive forever (I remember staying up late on our shared family desktop computer, perusing photos of these S/S 2010 crystal shoes for so long it felt like their image was permanently burned into my retinas–ditto for these flame ones), but stepping back from the brand’s gloriously detailed minutiae is ultimately the key to understanding its real, enduring power: balance. For every slinky dress, there’s a hefty sock; for every tailored shirt, there’s a novelty shoe; for every dusty blue, there’s a swipe of cherry red. This precarious ratio is what makes Prada such a good barometer of the wide world women’s fashion. Each season contains so many expressions of femininity–soft, sharp, serious, playful–without flattening them into a single trend.

This balance is also what makes me feel that I am still not quite ready to become a Prada woman. When I tried on each of the above outfits for my now-husband to photograph, I confidently proclaimed to him: “This is what I’ll be wearing all fall!” But now September has come and (nearly) gone, and I haven’t touched a single one of them. I don’t feel ready yet. It’s a foreign feeling, because I am not usually one to save things–I’ll wear a new pair of shoes straight out of the shop or, say, glimpse something at a fashion show and jump to recreate it the very next day. I’m still making space, however, for all the nuanced expressions of my own femininity. Some of them are not yet ready to emerge. Maybe I’ll see them on the runway before I even recognize them within myself. It’s nice to have something to look forward to, isn’t it? To the onward march of time, to the change of seasons, to becoming the woman I want to be, to finding my place in the world of Prada–even if that means bringing some Hot Cheetos crumbs along for the ride.

Photos via Vogue Runway and Ruby Redstone.

The post I Recreated 5 Prada Runway Looks With My Own Wardrobe appeared first on Man Repeller.

3 Older Women on What *Actually* Gets Better With Age

Anxious people like me are often advised to “live in the now.” It’s advice I understand on a practical level, but emotionally find to be pretty unhelpful—like a quote printed on a mug and then repeated through friend groups like a game of very relaxed telephone. I’m not sure how to contest it or if I’d even want to, so I usually just nod and let the topic slide while an internal chorus pipes up with the following song: If I’m not living in an imagined future, how will I grow? If I’m not replaying moments from the past, how will I know not to repeat my mistakes? Why am I seeking advice from my friends, a group of equally silly people in their 20s and 30s? Sometimes, you just need a different messenger.

When I set out to talk to three older women about what gets better with age, I got a lot more than just a simple answer to that question. But their emphasis on being able to live in the present had a certain weight to it. Lyn, Nancy, and Jacqui spoke about their lives—what’s changed, what hasn’t; what’s gotten better, what’s stayed about the same—with insight, grace, and humor, and I left each conversation expanded, feeling that the full breadth of a life worth living was not just rooted in the things that I do, but in the way I choose to feel. Meet them for yourselves (and glean the particular wisdom you may find yourself in need of) in the conversations below.

Lyn, 66, Doesn’t Let Age Define Her

On Letting Her Mood Take the Lead

I am chronologically 66, but my perceived age—which is the term we academics give to how you feel inside—is very fluid. One day I may wake up and feel very much like I’m 25, wanting to go out dancing at the disco. Another day I might think, Okay, I’m 40. I want to get my PhD. I’m going to take another class now. It shifts. I heard a song this morning—an old song called “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd—and it was like, boom! I started to walk more seductively. It’s like any other sensory thing that triggers a memory, all of these things can trigger that age for me. That’s the fun I have with dressing; it’s my way of showing my perceived age against the backdrop of my chronological age.

I have always lived in very in-between spaces, so I’m comfortable with fluidity. I’m the oldest of six children. When I was a kid, I had to do things that an older person might have had to do, so I think age was never really relevant to the experience of my life.

On the Most Important Lesson She’s Learned

The most transformative moment for me happened in my 30s. Because I’m smart, I could bullshit my way out of a paper bag. I got away with it for a long time. The problem with that is that other people have power over you, because inside, you know you’re a little bit of a fraud. The other problem with it is you never learn and grow. I had this great, honest supervisor who confronted me about that, pushed me to be more honest. I think the moment when I accepted all of my limitations and said, “Okay, I’ve done everything I can to change what I can about myself, but these limitations are just going to be part of me, and that’s fine.” Suddenly, nobody in the world had power over me anymore, and that was so freeing.

I think spending too much time in the past, and being anxious about things that you may or may not have control over, stresses you out.

Another thing I found helpful was coming to grips with the fact that there is nothing you can do about the past. It’s done. As part of my training, I had to be involved with psychoanalysis, and while I think there are many good therapies now that are beneficial, I became so self-absorbed and obsessed from being in that process. They keep wanting me to be in the past. I finally worked with someone who was very present-oriented, and this person was saying, “Let’s look at that now, today.” Then, “Here’s what you can do to make it different.” I think I’ve wasted a lot of time, particularly around being a good parent, by being anxious. I think anxiety takes you away from being present in your relationships with people.

I try not to have any regrets, because I really feel that everything I experienced really got me to where I am today. I think spending too much time in the past, and being anxious about things that you may or may not have control over, stresses you out. And my biggest advice for anyone is to minimize stress however you can. Everything that has impacted me, as I’ve gotten older, has been stress-related. Have trust in your own self, that you’ll get through whatever it is.

On What Gets Better With Age

I started this process in my 30s, and it’s very in my bones now, which is if I don’t like something: fuck it. It really intensifies when you get to be 50—I even gave my sister a bracelet for her 50th birthday that said, “Fuck you, 50,” because it’s so liberating. There are so many social expectations that people place upon women, upon everybody, and it’s just a way to control you. I’ve always resisted representations or identities that are not okay for me.

I really do think it’s that complete and total ability for me—and the potential for all older people—to accept who I am that’s meant the most. Sadly, many don’t, and they’re still struggling under all these expectations. I think what really helps is to have more representation of women like me, with other women of different ages, doing things. For instance, me being in a photograph with a whole bunch of influencers, as opposed to being in countless stories with all the people on Instagram who have gray hair, shows other people what they can be doing that may be outside of what’s expected of them. The biggest thing you don’t want to happen to you is to be made invisible. That’s like any group in representation. If you don’t see yourself, it creates challenges for your self-esteem. You have to work very hard to overcome that.

Nancy, 77, Wants to Keep Inventing

On How Old She Is Versus How Old She Feels

I am 77. At my birthday dinner, I asked my son to find something in science or math that would make me feel good about this gargantuan number. And he went to the book of elements and found iridium, which has the atomic number of 77. I wrote a poem about turning 77, which has 77 beats, 11 lines by 7 beats. And then I started writing 77 beat poems ever since then and hope to have a book by the end of the year.

How old I feel depends entirely on the day. At the moment, I look stunning in this medical boot, I tell people it’s a fashion statement, but of course, it has more to do with malicious metatarsals which hurt so much that I can’t walk. And when you can’t walk, you feel at least 111, which is terrible. But when I’m with my grandchild who’s three and a half, I feel the ages I was when my kids were three. My second husband said a wonderful thing—well, I’m sure he said several wonderful things, but my favorite one was that parents of young children are axiomatically young parents. So I become a young parent again and that’s wonderful. But it does change, it really does.

On Finding Her Passion and Career

I was born with writing somehow in mind. In second grade, I wrote a poem about spring that my teacher, the sainted Mrs. Carnahan, really loved. She insisted that I submit it to the sixth grade literary journal. The day that was in print—my knees still shake a little when I think of it—it was so intoxicating, and I think I got the bug then.

I was an editorial assistant at The New York Post straight out of college and talked my way into wonderful writing assignments. I loved The New York Post. I never felt that I lacked opportunity because I was a woman. But then I did what a journalist shouldn’t do and I called up Norman Mailer after he got a particularly bad round of reviews and said, “Norman, Norman they’re killing your beautiful prose!” After that I was suddenly demoted to listings of what was playing at the neighborhood movie houses.

It was wild. I miss it, oh my god I miss it. It was so much fun, but it was important fun

Around that time I was about to have a sort of scary surgery on an ovarian cyst, and I called Helen Gurley Brown and said, “Listen, would you give me a strange assignment? May I write a piece called ‘How to be Sexy While in the Hospital Awaiting Surgery?’ and I thought she would say, “Oh Nancy, you’re so funny.” But she gave me the assignment and that totally took the terror out of it and I decided I could freelance.

It was wild. I miss it, oh my god I miss it. It was so much fun, but it was important fun. I marched to integrate Shreveport, Louisiana and went straight to Chicago to cover the democratic convention of 1968. We felt that somehow whatever part we had in all of this, we were going to help end the Vietnam war. Because we knew without a doubt that we were on the right side.

And then I wrote The Life Swap, where I traded lives with someone for a month. I’m not always confident in my ideas, but I was with The Life Swap, even though maybe I shouldn’t have been because it was such an outrageous thing to do. But I was so in love with it, and that sort of stilled any voices that might have come in. Maybe there were enough people doubting me that I became defensive.

No matter how good you are, you get rejected all the time. I’ve been trashed by reviewers, and sometimes I listen—it’s not a bad thing to do—but I believe you simply have to get back at it. When you read about James Joyce’s many rejections, you realize you are not, alas, James Joyce, and you’ll be okay too.

On What Gets Better With Age

I was afraid you would ask that. My husband, who is 15 years older than I am, has the most wonderful ability not to get ruffled by things that are not big. And I guess I have to get to be 92 before I learn that. You know, oddly enough, having my face has gotten easier. I needed decades to grow into my nose. I think I look better for 77 than I did for 27 or 47, which is a nice feeling.

Maybe it’s just a sense of ease, because it is what it is. You’ve got what you’ve got. And I remember at times, in a younger life, when I thought that if I parted my hair on the other side the entire universe would be changed. I don’t feel that way anymore. I mean I fuss about things, of course. There are things that happen to the body when you’re older: I live in dread of chin whiskers.

I remember when I first started considering aging (mostly because I wanted children but kept falling in love with men who were not likely to be the fathers of my children), I held onto certain consoling notions. Francoise Sagan wrote that when you’re 40 you can wear black pearls. So I thought, Oh wow, that really makes everything okay. I had my children late. I was 36 when my oldest was born and 42 when my second was born. And I felt that that reset the clock in some way.

I am looking forward to seeing my grandkid decorate cookies this afternoon. I am looking forward to writing this book. I am looking forward to inventing things. I actually hold a couple of patents for odd things. Once, having kissed a man who had just eaten truffle laden pasta, I thought, “Mm, truffle lips,” and actually manufactured, with him, a line of truffle infused lip balm. We had a beautiful package, it was just great looking. And then we had a meeting with a man we were hoping would carry the product and I opened a stick and the flavor had gone because it turned out that truffle oil is fairly volatile and it had dissipated.

Anyway, I guess those things were not going to create world peace, but I like inventing. So that would be very exciting for me to invent something that someone maybe needs in only a small way, but delights in anyway.

Jacqui, 59, Truly Loves Getting Older

On Feeling Her Age

I feel 59. I’m looking forward to turning 60 in March because I would hope that being in your late 50s and 60s means that you’re healthy and you’re engaged and you’re happy and you’re looking forward to more. I don’t want to be 40. I don’t want to be anything but what I am, I’m happy to be this.

It is a huge relief, as you get older, to enjoy it. I have to say, I surround myself mostly with women who are also happy to be older and embracing it. I was on Instagram and I saw someone venting about, “I’m not young anymore! You can’t bounce a quarter on my ass anymore and my tits are sagging” and all this nonsense. I’m reading this thinking, Why would a mature woman still have the concept that that’s what you’re supposed to be even when you’re in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s? Why was that your image that that’s what you had to be like to be approved?

On the Importance of Family

I got married very quickly after I met my husband when I was 25. Meeting David and saying, “This is who I’m marrying,” really put things into place for me because he was outside all of my normal realms. It was me just realizing, “Oh, that’s who I am.”

I was raised in Westchester and he grew up in a more working class Jewish family in Queens. He’ll say to me, “You missed the Vietnam War. You were playing with Barbies.” I was not sheltered, but I was just not political and he was very political. I grew up in this kind of boring life and as did he, but we came from such different backgrounds and he brought out the me in me and also was very funny (and really needed a makeover).

Understanding who I was marrying and just being myself, everything clicked. I just realized all the resources I had in my life and how to access them and how to work with all the moving parts and being very grateful all the time. My first daughter was born with a host of medical issues, the middle one is adopted, and my third daughter was born six years later and was very easy. Later, she made it a little more challenging. Our middle daughter didn’t come into our lives until she was in eighth grade.

Having children makes everything click. You just realize who you are. It’s like a test of everything. My daughters all have tattoos. One is bi, one is gay, one is straight. I’m this and they’re that. Nothing I grew up with relates to the way my kids are growing up now—I don’t even understand, which is so perfectly wonderful. I think our three daughters have surprised us with how they’re turning out and what we have lived through with them. I think everyone’s got stories. It’s what you do with it and what you make of it.

On What’s Gotten Better With Age

Saying no has gotten better with age—which everyone says, but it really is true. It’s pausing. Also, someone said to me, “No decision is the wrong decision, you just make of it what you can once you’ve made it,” which I have to say, I’ve gone through the last 10 years since she said that and now really do believe that.

Listen, if I were different physically and some amazingly gorgeous human being, it may be harder to watch decline, but I don’t really care and I’ve never looked at myself as an object of beauty. I’ve just looked at myself as someone who wants to be me and, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more confident, which I hope happens to everyone as they grow older and I don’t tend to look back. I look forward.

I really do believe that for most of my friends, the older we get, the happier we are, the more determined we are, the braver we get, and the more confident we become.

I used to think there was this idea of “I’m older,  fuck you, don’t bother me,” but it’s not really that. It’s more knowing that you have to understand yourself. It’s scary getting older, so unless you really have a deeper understanding of what you’re capable of or how to get through stuff, it won’t be enjoyable. I choose to be reflective in a way that’s not regretful, but is optimistic in a sensible way. I really do believe that for most of my friends, the older we get, the happier we are, the more determined we are, the braver we get, and the more confident we become.

For me, for David, we just want a manageable and simple quality of our life. We know how fortunate we are on so many levels and I think it’s just taking those steps you can manage and be happy about. You have to own your behaviors and your actions, which is not always easy. We’re grateful, we want to be near our girls. The minute they marry or have kids, we’ll just follow them.

We have spent our lives being educators and giving and seeing kids grow and coming home with stories. That’s the best part of a job, coming home with stories. I always tell the girls, “If you have a job where you’re not coming home with stories, it’s time to leave.” That simply is our qualification. Healthcare helps. Benefits are nice, but oh my god, how do you not come home with stories?

It is the easiest qualification, but it’s true. My feeling is if you don’t have a story, it wasn’t a good day.

Photos by Sabrina Santiago.

The post 3 Older Women on What *Actually* Gets Better With Age appeared first on Man Repeller.

The Best Shoes From Fashion Month: A Definitive Roundup

In a digital landscape where almost every aspect of fashion month becomes social media fodder, the shoes have a tendency to get overshadowed–literally–by pant hems and ball skirts and other eye-catching hero pieces that dangle above them. But just because shoes don’t take up as much visual real estate doesn’t mean they don’t deserve our attention and adoration. All it takes is a quick camera and/or finger zoom to confirm their right to the spotlight–which is exactly what I have taken it upon myself to do. It’s only fair.

Scroll down for an analysis of some standout categories (then click through the slideshow for a full-on immersion).

Hyper-Ladylike Heels
Left to right: Thom Browne Spring/Summer ’20, Tory Burch Spring/Summer ’20, Comme Des Garcons Spring/Summer ’20

One of my favorite shoe trends of the Spring/Summer 2020 season was a subsection of pumps that looked like the offspring of an American Girl Doll, the Queen of England, and my grandmother’s chaise lounge (don’t ask me to get into the mechanics of how they procreated–I’ll blush). Feminine to the point of being a caricature of the concept, these shoes feature all the requisite bells and whistles of sugar and spice: polka dots, floral print, bows, lace socks, et. al. I can’t wait to wear a pair to the gym.

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Taste-the-Rainbow Boots
Left to right: Miu Miu Spring/Summer ’20, Sies Marjan Spring/Summer ’20, Marc Jacobs Spring/Summer ’20.

Gone are the days when picturing the word “boot” conjured the image of something black, brown, or–if you’re wild–beige. This season’s iterations came in every color under the rainbow, from lime rind to sunny yellow to baby blue. I’m thrilled, personally and professionally, about this development, because it means we can hop on it now and cushion the descent of jeans-and-sweaters season with a parade of salivating saturation below the belt(s).

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A Bread Basket’s Worth of Sandals
Left to right: Bottega Veneta Spring/Summer ’20, Tibi Spring/Summer ’20, Miu Miu Spring/Summer ’20.

When I clicked through photos from the Bottega Veneta show, I couldn’t stop thinking of a doughy, pillowy loaf of braided bread. Is it just me, or is that exactly what the shoes looked like? Maybe I was just hungry. Regardless, I noticed a lot of braid-adjacent sandals on the runways this season, and whether or not they connote bread in your mind, you have to admit they look pretty delish.

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Commuter Shoes That Don’t Suck
Left to right: Phillip Lim Spring/Summer ’20, Phillip Lim Spring/Summer ’20, Lacoste Spring/Summer ’20

I realize this is somewhat of a nebulous category, but if anything deserves a mega share of the spotlight, it’s shoes that look comfortable to skip in without sacrificing their stylistic footprint, so to speak. I’m always going to root for: flatform mules, ankle boots with multi-season-appropriate cut-outs, alligator insignia loafers, and subtle clogs. Especially because I’m trying to make my 25-minute walk to work as blister-free as possible, and I need all the visual encouragement I can get to support my thesis that I can do so whilst maintaining my aesthetic proclivities.

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Just Plain Eye (Foot?) Candy
Left to right: Off White Spring/Summer ’20, Thom Browne Spring/Summer ’20, Sacai Spring/Summer ’20

Of course, true to fashion runway form, there were plenty of shoes I can’t imagine anyone wearing except maybe Lady Gaga, but those are still fun (and perhaps even more fun) to look at in their own special way. I consider them an invitation to stop and smell the roses of footwear fantasies. This is stuff that will probably spend most of its life on a Met Gala red carpet or in a Met Gala exhibit—like boots that resemble Swiss cheese, or shoes with actual whale tales, or sandals bedecked with enough buckles to fasten a life vest.

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Want more? Great news: We’ve got more in the slideshow below.

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Did any particular pair speak to your soul? Tell me in the comments.

Images via Getty.

The post The Best Shoes From Fashion Month: A Definitive Roundup appeared first on Man Repeller.

Inside the Home of an Instagram-Famous Plant Stylist

Welcome to Make Yourself at Home, a collection of home tours as told through the items within them. Up this week, in the second of four installments we’re running in honor of Renovation Month, Hilton welcomes us into his plant-filled apartment in Baltimore.

In 2008, on a trip to Paris, Hilton Carter saw a painting in the Louvre that would alter the course of his life. It was called “Ophelia” by John Everett Millais, and it depicted a woman floating lifelessly in a body of water, surrounded by plants and flowers rendered in, as the Tate Museum put it, “painstaking botanical detail.” When he saw it, he was awestruck. I’m done, he thought, I don’t know what happened but I came to see this painting.

A student of art and film, he decided right away to make a movie about it. His homage, Moth, came out in 2010, and it all takes place in the apartment of his protagonist, a version of Ophelia. As he designed the set, taking special care with the details just as Millais once did, something sparked: “I understood that in filmmaking, the spaces your main characters are in have to be a character themselves,” he explains.

From there, Hilton fell in love with production design, becoming especially attuned to the energy and character of the spaces he worked in. And then, in 2011, his new passion collided with a second: While working a freelance gig in Glenn Mills, Pennsylvania, he went to lunch at a plant nursery and cafe called Terrain. As he sat in the greenhouse, nestled among dark leafy plants and twirling vines, he thought, I have never sat in a space that felt this comfortable. That’s when it hit him: There was no reason he couldn’t recreate this feeling by his own design, in his own home.

Today, Hilton is an interior and plant stylist by trade. When he worked in film, he never imagined he could do this kind of work full-time, but when he moved in with his girlfriend in 2016, everything changed in a matter of months.

It started when she suggested he catalogue the process of decorating their new home on Instagram. By then, he’d been taking care of around 70 or so plants, and she thought people might be interested in seeing what he could do with a space. Doubtful but eager to nurture his hobby, Hilton agreed (even to the “embarrassing” hashtags). In November of that year, West Elm reposted one of his photos, which became so popular they requested an interview, which in turn earned him the attention of several other brands, sites, and people curious about his unique approach to plant styling. As the attention increased, he picked up professional styling work, eventually quitting his job and diving into leafy greens full-time.

Hilton spends around five hours a week caring for his 300 plants—both in his rented apartment and the studio space his landlord lets him style and host events in for free (apparently it’s such good PR for them, it pays for itself). His Instagram, which now boasts about a quarter million followers, is what the internet might call plant porn. In March of this year, Hilton’s first book on plant styling came out, Wild at Home, and he’s currently working on his second, Living Blooms, which has him traveling all over the world. I caught up with him between trips to hear about some of the most beloved items in his (most beloved) space.

#1 The Paint on the Dining Room Wall

When my wife and I went to Paris in early 2016, we went to a lot of old cathedrals, and I really loved the texture of these old cathedral walls. I knew I wanted to bring that into our space, so I decided to paint the wall separating our dining and living rooms. This was actually the first thing we did in the apartment—the building allowed me to come in a week before we moved in to do it. They were like, “You can paint whatever you want, but when you leave, you’re going to have to paint it back.”

The process was literally to do what felt right. I would just place a little bit of color on the wall—let’s say it’s a copper orange color—and let it dry for about two minutes before wiping it away. Then I’d sand it down and add a gray color. Then I’d take a rag and dip that into the water that I was cleaning brushes off with and almost polish the wall with this wet rag to give it this worn patina look.

When I was in art school, I used to start all of my drawings or paintings on surfaces like this. I would use old coffee grinds and work that into drawing paper, and then draw on top of that. It was just mixed media, just trying to figure things out. Undergrad stuff. I think that kind of prepared me to understand what I wanted.

When I was done, the building people saw it and were like, “Is it possible, when you actually do move out, that you just leave that up?”

#2 The Mini-Motorcycle in the Living Room

Apparently, back in the early 70s, Harley didn’t have enough money, so they partnered up with a bowling alley chain called AMC and made these mini Harleys. And in 1977—now this is all speculation, but I’ll just tell the story as he told me—my dad worked all summer to purchase one. When he got it, he rode it all over town, and that’s how he met my mom. And then in 1979, when he found out she was pregnant, he never rode the bike again. My mom and my dad split a year into being married, but I remember going to his house and seeing the bike as a kid. I was always like, “What’s up with this bike? Why can’t I ride it!?”—because it was perfectly my size. But he never let me. It wasn’t until I was 35 years old that he finally said, “I think it’s time for you to have it.” And I was like, “Who are you!? I am 6’5”!”

I remember being so frustrated with him, but the thing was—and I didn’t get this as a kid, but I got it when he gave it to me—he cherished this bike so much. As a kid, I would have destroyed it. While he was probably protecting me from getting hurt, he was also trying to protect the bike. I know my dad. He’s very anal when it comes to keeping things pristine. It’s his thing. And I think when he saw that I moved out to Baltimore and planted roots here, he was like, “I think now is the time to hand you this bike.”

I appreciate that he decided to hand it down at the moment he did. I’ll never ride it, and I’m sure one day my kids will go, “Can I ride that bike?” And I will also go, “No.” And then give it to them maybe when they’re 35. Who knows? I mean, my dad gave me his name, so maybe that’s just the way we hand things down.

#3 A Wooden Tiger Head With a Plant Sticking Out of Its Mouth

The reason I love this tiger head is because I found it at the Rose Bowl Flea Market in Pasadena, California, right before I moved back to Baltimore. When I purchased it, I was like, “I don’t know what this piece is for yet, but I know I want this thing to exist in my home, and I want it to hold something.” I didn’t know what though—it wasn’t until I had this large air plant when I was like, “I need to stick this somewhere, where can it go?” And then it was obvious.

I had seen pieces like this in magazines here and there, but I wasn’t sure exactly where it came from. And then a year and a half ago, my wife and I got married in Tulum. And in Tulum, there were so many of these heads in so many different shops, and I was like, “Look at this! This is it. This is where the tiger head probably came from!” It just so happened that we found our way there, because I had never even been to Tulum or really to Mexico. When I saw them, I just felt a real connection. I bought the piece not knowing how it was going to tie in or relate to or connect with the whole picture, but at the end of the day it happened naturally.

#4 The Living Wall

This is probably the most collaborative thing my wife and I worked on together. And I say that because she wouldn’t let me do what I originally wanted to do—which was the kind of living wall you might see at a restaurant, which would require a water system and piping and all this stuff that wouldn’t be possible because we don’t own the space. So when my wife pointed that out, I was like, “You know how I have that IKEA spice rack with plant cuttings in it? What if I decided to buy, like, 16 of them and then we’ll have 66 cuttings on the wall and it will be its own kind of living wall?” And she was like, “Okay! That sounds cool.”

My whole thing, when it comes to plants, is to try to turn things into vessels that aren’t supposed to be vessels. When I originally saw the spice rack at IKEA I thought, It’d be really cool to just put that on the wall, and, instead of putting spices in the tubes, put water and cuttings of plants instead. But in the end the spice racks weren’t exactly what I envisioned, so I got with a wood maker here and designed what I now call the cradle, which is a piece of wood that feels more natural. Not so processed like the IKEA ones.

For me, the wall is a piece of art that’s forever changing, forever a work in progress. And what we decided to do was not only keep it as a living wall, but when people come over to the house, if they see a plant that’s in the wall that they don’t have, we will it take it out of its tube, put into a little terra cotta pot with some dirt, and send them home with a new plant. Then we cut another piece off a plant and plop it right back on the wall. It’s like the gift that keeps on giving, right?

#5 The Plant Hammock Over the Bed

There was a moment where I realized that we had… a lot of plants. We had zero floor space left. But my mom had given my dad a saddle leaf philodendron with big leaves—probably ten or twelve of these huge leaves sticking out of a pot—and he wanted to give it to us because it was taking up too much space in his house. I looked at it and was like, “I don’t know. This is huge….”

When I showed it to my wife, she was like, “Where are we going to put that?! There’s no floor space in our entire apartment!” And then I said: “All right. Bear with me, what if it hangs over the bed, like on the wall?” And she was like, “Are you crazy?” I said, “Let me sketch something out.” So I sketched out something like a hammock and said, “What if we purchase a hammock and instead of swinging in it ourselves, we put this plant in it over the bed?” And she was like, “I think that might work! It might look cool.” She’d been working in macrame here and there at the time, so she decided to make it herself.

Then we got these really heavy screws to hang it—things that we knew for a fact would never fall down. And in the end it looked awesome [ed note: here’s a photo of the hammock in its original form], but we were still a little freaked out that it might fall on our heads in the night. So over time I moved the larger plant out and replaced it with a really nice fern, but ferns are difficult because you have to water them so much. So I switched again to a plant that only required watering every 7-10 days, which is the xanadu philodendron you see in the photos.

I feel like this collaboration with my wife was important for us, because there were some tough compromises when we first moved in. It was nice to work on something together. I think the hammock is one thing she, to this day, feels really excited and happy about when she sees it.

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Photos by Hilton Carter.

The post Inside the Home of an Instagram-Famous Plant Stylist appeared first on Man Repeller.

The Case for Tailoring Instead of Tossing (Actually, 7 Cases)

Nothing reeks of maturity and sophistication quite like dropping the words “my tailor” into casual conversation. I didn’t always think this way, however. Having always erred on the side of thrifting and grunge, I often embraced an awkward fit, and it wasn’t until I acquired my first pair of fancy fashion pants that I even entertained the idea of visiting one (at 6’1”, I rarely need things hemmed). It was then that I consulted my cousin Alex, a Savile Row acolyte, who prised open his little black book and slid the magic address across the table (he actually texted me, but I feel it’s important to retain the glamour of this narrative).

Thus began a long and fruitful relationship with my Marylebone maestro. This voyage of adventure has seamlessly accommodated both my love of fashion and my taste for variety and my body’s tendency to change in size every so often. (It also bears mentioning that tailoring is a valuable option for the sustainability-minded among us who are looking to get more use out of what we already own.)

Below, I’ll walk you through a short chronology of some of my most successful tailoring projects, including the lessons and wardrobe opportunities each of them presented.

1. Tailoring doesn’t have to be a one-way street. (Some things can be done, and then undone.)

I used to model, and I’d dreamed of these Ellery flares for months before I was gifted them after working with the brand. These were the in-n-out burger of my tailoring career: I took them in across the hips during my early twenties working in Paris, then took them back out in my late twenties after I’d quit modeling and learned that Paris is also home to some damn fine cheese and wine.

2. Only bring unique, patterned clothing to a tailor you know and trust.

The key to a job like this is as follows: First, with such a specific shape and flare, it’s vital that they’re taken in without losing the spirit of the design (which is why it’s worth finding someone you really trust). Second, with patterns and stripes, the hallmark of a good tailor is one who maintains symmetry; working in line with the pattern and not leaving any broken bits of stripe. If you’re trying out a new tailor, I’d recommend starting with something more straightforward. Think of it like Tinder for tailors—you wouldn’t wear your wedding dress on the first date.

3. Right cut, wrong size? Bring it to a tailor.

I recently began my first Full-Time Job, after a period of freewheelinglancing. One day, I stopped by my favorite consignment store to shop for my new Working Wardrobe, and I found these beautiful Chloé suit pants, sadly a size too big. Nothing my man couldn’t fix—resizing the entire pants by removing the difference of one dress size all over. Another thing to note with suit pants: The good ones come unhemmed, leaving it up to you to shorten the leg as you please. Here, the ankle cuff is key. A hemline not only depends on your leg length, but also what shoes you wear, how you like your pants to fall, and whether (as in my case) you’re a salacious Victorian woman titillating passers by with her willfully exposed ankles. (I wore socks in the photo for modesty’s sake.)

4. It’s helpful to know exactly what #mood you’re after.

My ex-boyfriend dressed exactly like Serge Gainsbourg, so I purchased these vintage 70s flares to follow suit, getting them tailored to meet the specifications of my Jane Birkin fantasy look: snug on the butt with a healthy retro flare. We’re no longer together, but the jeans and I are still going strong. Again, notice how the lines on the jeans still follow the line of the design. Jane would definitely approve.

5. A tailor can elevate your froggiest into your fanciest.

You may recognize this suit from a previous appearance on Man Repeller. Purchased from Topshop on the occasion of my grandmother’s 90th, I chose it because my gran: a) loves frogs and b) says that my clothes always make her laugh. Aiming to fulfill both specifications, I purchased the suit, despite a slightly poor fit on the pants. With an unflattering saddle-bag-esque cut around the thighs, I had my tailor neaten the upper part of the legs, transforming them into made-to-measure amphibian couture.

6. “Unfaithful” is a Rihanna song, not tailoring advice.

There comes a time in every long-term relationship where you feel like you might be able to do better by shopping elsewhere. Tired of traipsing across London, I cheated and used my local dry cleaners’ alterations to fix up these vintage pants. The idea was to loosen the waistband and make them more brie-thable, but the high-waisted cut got lost and they now sit rather limply on the hips. Not hugely noticeable, but also not a mistake my regular would have made.

7. No job is too small.

Some might say that getting a pair of $20-dollar sweatpants tailored is a bridge too far, but to that I answer with these high-waisted-tapered-with-just-the-right-ankle-graze streetwear superstars. The real tell? Despite fabric being taken out of the back seam and inner thigh, the pockets are still in the correct place and the stripes sit just as Mr. Adidas designed them.

8. With a tailor by your side, anything is possible (sartorially speaking).

This top and skirt was once a dress, a boho number I picked up on my first trip to LA like the big cliché I am. As a whole, it’s very virginal/ bridal, so I decided to see if we could divide it into two. Voilá! Another successful collab. A frothy top and skirt that can be worn together or separately, as my levels of whimsy dictate. He even created a lining to protect my modesty AND added a frill to the top.

One of the best things about getting stuff tailored is that I consume less. Vintage shopping becomes infinitely easier knowing there’s a guy at the other end of it ready to whip my thrifty finds into shape. A good cut has the power to revolutionize a cheap outfit and makes me more inclined to espouse a make-do-and-mend attitude to current wardrobe items.

If you don’t have a tailor and aren’t sure where to start, ask around for friends’ recommendations, and don’t be afraid of a little trial and error. Cost-wise, it’s not as expensive as you’d think (especially when you’re getting zero use out of something otherwise). What’s more, the anticipation and the eventual reward make for a wholly satisfying endeavor—a slow-burn process of seeing sartorial dreams come to life; not to mention ones made especially for you.

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Your October Horoscope Is Here and It’s the Good Kind of Spooky

It’s actually a spooky month this October, astrologically speaking, so please forgive the sin of cliche. But here’s the twist (there’s always a twist): The darkest forces in the universe are on our side this time. On October 3rd, Pluto, the planet of power and transformation, went direct in the strict and upstanding sign of Capricorn, forcing us all (but especially leaders and public figures) to atone for corruption, profligacy, treason, being an immature little baby, and whatever else we’ve all gotten up to that is poisoning us from the inside. Pluto is a surgeon, looking for the rot that is necrotizing our collective happiness and then cutting it out entirely. So now that he’s going direct—a.k.a. operating at full strength—he’ll be able to act effectively and decisively to make things right. It’s a scary story with a happy ending.

As always, we have a full moon and a new moon. The full moon comes first on the 13th (notably not a Friday) and in the sign of warrior Aries, and although full moons bring a lot of tension and heaviness, this one is sweetly kissed by Jupiter, the planet of good fortune and easy wins. So this one may culminate a catharsis of some kind (perhaps physical!) that will feel more satisfying than draining. The new moon in Scorpio on the 27th, meanwhile, is an opportunity for a deep meditation on all the fine print of your life. Re-examine the fundamentals, like: What am I getting out of therapy? Do I want to live here? Is this relationship as lovely as it seems or is there a secret part of me that wants to swan dive out of my current life? Questions that get under the hood. You might not (immediately) love the answers when you hear them, but don’t close your ears to them. (That would be rude.)

And finally Mercury goes retrograde on Halloween, which shouldn’t be scary at all! By now, we’re all versed in how to make that period of time as manageable as possible (cultivate the patience of a saint, avoid texting your ex, don’t buy a new phone). Just make sure your costume doesn’t have a heavy tech component.

Aries

You get paid to shine, and you shine when you get paid, Aries. The kaleidoscopic interplay between Pluto, Mercury, and Venus in your house of career and money is creating a disco light show that spells money money money. Or, if it’s not literally money, a windfall of things you want: the chance to work on more interesting material, attention from mentors and bosses, a better workspace, and more. Whatever it is that you value is within your grasp.

The Aries full moon on the 13th hits your house of self and interpersonal relationships, and with Mars (your planetary ruler and the god of war) opposing you in this debate, you may truly want to avoid poking any sore spots with your partner (business or love) or people you live with. With full moons, you tend to sense the tension building to a slow boil, so whatever you’re feeling now, that’s going to be the thing. Swerve as needed.

On the 27th, the new moon in Scorpio lights up your house of finances and other people’s money, so now is a very good time to wish upon a star (or the moon) for a fortunate settlement (divorce, litigation, etc.), an economic boost for your partner, or a winning lottery ticket. If those things don’t fly into your lap on this day, that’s all good—new moons are simply about you opening the door of possibility. Or buying the ticket.

Taurus

If you’ve been putting off your homework, or your thesis, or even the prospect of higher education itself, this is the month to get in touch with yourself-qua-student. Show up to class, make yourself do the reading, DEFINITELY apply to study abroad. If you’re not in school-school, remember that, actually, all of life is a kind of education, so raise your hand to travel where you’ve never been or visit new museums, etc. You always know what’s what, Taurus, but you still have much to learn.

The full moon in Aries on the 13th is simply coaxing you to connect with you and only you. Think about the things that put you right in your body—saunas, little jogs, taking the scenic route home after work, laying down on the floor with your arms crossed over your eyes and all the lights turned off, dancing in your bedroom, masturbating. The moon implores you to indulge in yourself.

The Scorpio new moon on the 27th is an excellent time to get married, although most people pick their dates without consulting the stars, so if you are, that would be quite the coincidence! Or would it!? Just know that it’s looking very nice for all things partner-related, whether you have one, want one, or don’t want one. You’re as lucky as you want or don’t want to be!

Gemini

A very hot thing happened to you this month: Mars entered Libra in your house of love and fun. Let’s break it down a tiny bit:

– Mars, the planet of energy, action, our bodies, our physical motivations (sounds sexy),

– Entered the sign of Libra, a highly compatible fellow air sign that rules over relationships (very sexy),

– In your house of dating and love (wow, so sexy).

Now, I don’t mean to imply too heavily that sexy times are ahead (did I give that impression?), because astrologers never truly know what’s going to happen, and you should be reading for your rising sign anyway. But this is an energizing, buzzy little placement that is, cosmically speaking, making it easy for you to fall in love, STAY in love and have sex, find people you click with, enjoy creative pursuits, connect with your kids, feel joy in all you do. It’s a good one.

The Aries full moon on the 13th hits you where your friends and networks live. If you’ve had tension with pals lately, this may come to a boil, so please proverbially tip-toe around your text thread. If you’re not feeling up to work events or social functions organized around a theme (activism, creative pursuits, reunions), don’t push yourself to attend. You can always imbibe the gossip later.

The Scorpio new moon on the 27th is an excellent time to reexamine your routines. This could be your workflow, and if you’re waiting for the right time to communicate that you’re working too hard, now’s your moment. Or it could be about when you wake up and how you take care of your body every day. When people say “life is what happens when you’re waiting for x,” this new moon is about that variable and rethinking what you want the value of it to be. Because your daily habits are your life, maybe more than anything else, and it’s very difficult to be mindful of them all the time. So allow for this one little lunar spotlight.

Cancer

If you’re in a committed relationship—marriage, cohabitation (the zodiac pretty much recognizes common law marriage), business partnership, creative partnership—then your union may be on the precipice of a new era. Anything you’ve been suppressing or simply ignoring that undermines the strength of your connection will start to come out, and you might have to evolve your relationship a little. Evolve is a nice word that means die in your current state and go through the pain of giving birth to a new version of yourself, but yeah, that might be just the trick for you, too.

Your career is in the crosshairs of the Aries full moon on the 13th, which could bring closure to a particular pursuit to level up at work. Whether you’re looking, interviewing, or starting a new venture, you will get an answer. It might not be the one you wanted to hear, but it will allow you to move forward.

This Scorpio new moon on the 27th will open doors to creative pursuits — either through divine inspiration to make something cool or by introducing powerful people who are willing to give your art a prestigious audience. Creativity should be interpreted as broadly as possible, which includes all manner of self-expression (fashion, writing, comedy, speeches, even how you fall in love with someone else) and even procreation. It’s a fertile time, in every sense.

Leo

This month may bring clarity on anything involving your health. It may be that you’re waiting on news, or perhaps you’re looking to see results from a new therapy or treatment. Perhaps you’ve simply focused on feeling present in your body lately, and it’ll start to become more natural and automatic.

That good grounding feeling won’t negate a sense of wanderlust that may build around the Aries full moon on 13th. Perhaps it’s the seasonal transitions or maybe a dreading of upcoming Halloween parties with co-workers, but you want to get out of town. Book something now while you have some time to think about where you want to go and what you want to do. If you wait too long, your only option may be a 3 a.m. coach Amtrak ticket that costs, somehow, $450. That’s not even that much of an exaggeration.

The Scorpio new moon on the 27th will create some calm around your home and hearth—which might be especially needed if you do travel mid-month. Whether you finally replace your gray futon with a goldenrod settee or populate your windowsill with a succulent even you can’t kill, you’ll feel cozy in your own home.

Virgo

Your romantic relationship may feel under a microscope, Virgo, which is a level of scrutiny you usually invite. The problem is that you alone cannot control this equation; just because you’re perfect doesn’t mean your partner is. But if you are seeing someone, especially in an on-again, off-again capacity, you will get a clear read on your toxicity levels. If your conflicts are non-toxic, you’ll be fine. Things may not be perfect, but the universe will leave you to continue navigating that together.

The Aries full moon on the 13th hits you in your wallet. This could be good news or bad news, but it may stress you out either way. Perhaps you were promised income from a project that has been delayed. Or a promotion was offered with a vague timetable (your favorite!). The full moon sniffs around for weak links and breaks them, and if something is not right, it will make it very clear to you, which will immediately empower you to act.

The new moon in Scorpio on the 27th may help you attenuate the noise in your life. If you’ve been coping with your (many?) external stressors by engaging in lots of little, meaningless social interactions, then prepare for a much-needed wave of quiet. This isn’t time to cocoon, necessarily, but you have some astrological help in selecting for quality over quantity. That’s closer to your speed anyway, and it’ll be a lot more soothing.

Libra

Are you moving? Is it time to re-think the couch? Are you finally going to frame and hang that huge print you bought on a whim from an artist in London? Your home sector is due for a bit of a renovation, and you could take on some massive project—moving, buying or selling property, painting the walls an actual color. Whatever the specifics, you may want to give a serious think to how your living space suits your actual living.

The full moon in Aries on the 13th hits you right in the marriage (or committed partnership, or business partnership, etc.), and you could find yourself voicing feelings that are a total surprise to you! Sometimes we don’t know how angry we are when we’re locked into a dynamic that feels familiar and structured, but doesn’t give us quite all the room we need. But asserting a little independence is healthy (separate sleeping as a conscious, mutual choice, anyone?) and will not break you.

Time to ask for a raise, because the Scorpio new moon on the 27th wants to grant all your wishes for more income. It’s very stressful to assert that you’re worth more money than you’re currently making, because someone could always say, “No, you’re not.” But you are, and they’ll probably say yes.

Scorpio

If there’s chaos around you—family, friends, in-laws—give yourself permission to opt-out this month. With Libra entering the most intimate, private sector of your chart, feel free to stay in more than you go out. Requests for your time are extremely negotiable, so feel free to keep a lot of yourself to yourself. You’re not responsible for external messes, and so not only do you not have to clean them up, you don’t have to live in the stink, either.

The full moon in Aries on the 13th may end some tension with a co-worker or a boss. If you’ve been put on menial assignments or given twice the workload of your paygrade, this moon might bring all that to a skidding, screeching halt. This might be a productive but exhausting experience, so have a few gummy vitamins handy that week.

The new moon in your sign on the 27th joins Mercury in lighting up your house of self, and it may have the effect of making you both more compelling to others and less inclined to engage. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you’re likely to value a lot of freedom and independence now, so if anyone wants to hang, they’ve got to do it on your time, because it’s too precious to spend casually.

Sagittarius

If you’ve been hunting for a full-time job or more stability in your income, you are likely to get it this month. The trick is to play everything by the book—get your resume in tip-top, use exclamation points judiciously, and practice interview questions with friends (you know they are going to ask what your greatest weakness is, and you know it’s a little bit of a bullshit question). But if you follow the rules, you will get what you want. Which is not usually how it works, so that’s a nice change.

But that material bounty may not spill over into other areas of your life. The Aries full moon on the 13th may precipitate a break-up with friends or a lover. Okay, ouch, but here’s the good news: full moons aim to provoke our vulnerabilities not to destroy us, but so we can reinforce them now and prevent disaster. If your closest relationships are in good working order, this moon will likely pass with no effect (although tensions may still run high, and people may be crankier than usual). And if you end up falling out, take but an inch’s worth of comfort in knowing that it would have happened eventually, but more explosively.

Speaking of healing, the Scorpio new moon on the 27th is an exceptional time for personal growth and emotional stability. Not only does it light up the part of your chart that governs interiority and self-reflection, but it’s in the sign of Scorpio, which is all about rebirth in the wake of hardship or trauma. Make sure you give yourself plenty of mental space to breathe. It’ll revive you like a glass of water after a piece of pizza.

Capricorn

This is a period of tremendous personal change, Capricorn. It may not be sudden, but there’s a definite astrological pruning happening, and defining pieces of your life (relationships, places you like to go, things you like to do) are falling away like rotten branches. What is emerging is someone not only strong and capable (that’s always been you, Capricorn), but vibrant and full of creative energy. This is a good time to embrace transformation and a very bad time to resist it. So don’t you dare.

The full moon in Aries on the 13th strikes in your house of home and stability. This may be part of the overall transformation of you, but do you like your home and the people in it? You may feel the impulse to discard both bathwater and baby, and you owe it to yourself to investigate your profound irritation. Sometimes it really is about a change of scene, and this moon will make it very clear to you how much rearranging it will take for you to feel homey at home.

You might feel a little more social than usual around the new moon in Scorpio on the 27th. A little. Instead of butterflying between multiple acquaintances, you’ll want to hunker down with a few close friends. Quality will prevail over quantity, which is usually how you like to operate. So you still get to be picky about whose Halloween party you’ll be attending…

Aquarius

So much is going on beneath your surface, and although you’re not necessarily a secretive person, you may not want to share your turmoil with others just yet. Your unconscious is restructuring itself, and it may feel at times like you’re being vivisected from the inside by a careless surgeon. The instinct to stay private is a healthy one, because you need boundaries and time to make sense of everything. This is a very rich time for breakthroughs in therapy.

The full moon in Aries on the 13th may bring an intellectual breakthrough. If you’ve been struggling to master complex topics at work, or if you’ve been frustrated with how to structure a longer written thing, the puzzle pieces are about to fall into place in a big way. But wisdom unfortunately won’t just fall into your head; you’ve got to generate it with earnest effort. So make sure you’ve at least attempted failure if you’re going to succeed.

Your career and most public achievements will be blessed by the Scorpio new moon on the 27th. This is the time to be big and ambitious about what you want and how you’re going to make it happen. If you’re relatively unknown in your field, this is the time to network with a little more intentionality—remember people’s names, follow up, be prompt, etc. You don’t need to be a genius, you just need to show up. The fact that you are a genius is just frosting on the cake.

Pisces

Help is on the way, Pisces. If you’ve been feeling disconnected from any sense of community—or worse, stuck in one that is fundamentally toxic—you may find your people this month. It may not be that they swoop in on white ponies to rescue you from your social discomfort; perhaps some of these individuals are friends you’ve had for years but are just seeing in a new light. But dynamics will shift, and you will be much more cozy in the new arrangement.

Your pockets may feel uncomfortably shallow around the Aries full moon on the 13th. Money is almost always a stressful subject, and you may face either a delayed payment or an unanticipated expense that may make you feel powerless and angry. Who can blame you? Full moons act swiftly and decisively (especially in the sign of Aries), but then they go away. However painful this hardship is, it’s likely to be short-lived, and you are resilient.

The Scorpio new moon on the 27th may widen your circle of influence, especially if you have any kind of platform for publishing or speaking. You won’t be thrust into any kind of spotlight you’re not courting, but if you want it, it’s yours. Any projects you begin that involve communications will be powerful and well received. Assume you’ll go viral if you post something, because with this moon, you really might.

 

Kiki is a writer in Brooklyn. You can sign up for her newsletter, I don’t believe in astrology , or follow her Instagram @kiki.okay .

Illustration by Audrey Helen Weber. 

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