Leandra Medine's Blog, page 75

How to Renovate Your Life, According to the Zodiac

Our identities are built upon foundations of core beliefs we hold dear. Some are productive, reassuring, and helpful, but others, when left unchecked, can reinforce our most destructive view of ourselves and the world. So in the spirit of renovations and makeovers, I’m proposing a closer look at the most potentially insidious beliefs hidden within each zodiac sign. A solid, healthy emotional foundation may not feel as fun to “renovate” as an overflowing bookshelf or seasonal wardrobe, but there’s a profound joy that comes with Marie Kondo-ing your personal baggage, of identifying what needs to be released and what needs to be rebuilt anew.

Aries

Recognize that not winning doesn’t mean losing.

Aries loves to win win win, and sometimes the love of being number one is simply a tonic to distract from the fear of being number zero. The nature of the ram is fundamentally competitive; you are the sign of the baby (the original “I’m baby,” if you will), and your experience of being first in line comes paired with an anxiety that… what if you weren’t? This implies a belief that not winning means losing, and the underlying logic is very zero-sum. A way out of your own hierarchical shadow is to recognize that self-worth doesn’t collapse vertically, and seeing the rest of the world a little more dimensionally will help you recognize that your value has nothing to do with where you are on a list.

Taurus

Remind yourself that you are enough.

For you bulls, one good thing is good, and more of a good thing is even better. Though you’re composed on the surface, you’ve got a deep inner hunger for indulgences that mean something to you. That could be cozy sweaters, leisurely mornings even if you’re late, dessert after brunch, etc. But your tendency to cling to your rituals and possessions could spring from a troubling perception that you’ll never have enough. We do live in a world of limited resources, but this concern becomes a more malignant paranoia when it attaches to you: “You are bad with money.” “You will never have enough.” “You need to grab all you can now because you’ll never have another opportunity.” The facts rarely support such a view, and the way out is to notice when you’re consuming or buying to soothe anxiety. You can still make your purchase, but recognizing the impulse—rather than immediately feeding it—is the first step to making it go away.

Gemini

Rethink the presumption that you need to be interesting for people to like you.

Geminis crave connection with others. Connection is how information is transferred, and you are the communication ports of the zodiac. But that two-way exchange can often imply an underlying anxiety or belief that you have to be all things to all people in order to earn the privilege of their attention. And because you’re a talented talker, it can be tempting to constantly recalibrate your vibe to find the *real* parts of you that jam with whomever you’re trying to impress at the time. But you’re allowed to be boring, Gemini! You’re allowed to not charm the world with your little witticisms and bon mots—even if you’ve been stockpiling them for a lifetime. They are nice, but they are not the totality of you. You are always, always enough.

Cancer

Don’t retreat from the world.

The world actually is a fundamentally dangerous place, so it makes sense you’d want to hang back. But it’s also a) wonderful, and b) all we’ve got. Cancers are the most fearful of all signs, and your origin myth revolves around childhood trauma. So you’ve likely developed some sophisticated mechanisms to protect yourself from the proverbial first wound that disrupted your happy young existence. Defenses are not always bad, but yours may mask an upsetting and untrue assumption that you’re constantly under threat. But Cancer, setting yourself apart as a singular opponent to your environment will only ever really make you an opponent to yourself. And you, along with the rest of society, are your most precious resource. You don’t have to let your guard all the way down (it keeps you safe!), but you’ll want to poke a hole or two to let in some fresh air. It’s nice out here.

Leo

Realize that you are worthy of love.

Leos are the sign of self-esteem! When your ego is healthy and well-integrated, you’re a dazzling light show of grace, generosity, and beauty. But when you’re overcompensating, it could be to conceal the fear that you are unworthy of love. The isolation of that belief is total; it prevents you from trusting any of the connectivity you might experience with other people. If people don’t like you, that’s proof of your theory; if they do, sure, but for how long? Realize that you’re resting on this insecurity and accept it. If you can’t accept it—if you find you’re judging yourself or feeling shame—then try to accept that, too. Because the simple act of you allowing for all the parts of your personality to exist, even the difficult ones, is an act of self-love you won’t be able to refuse.

Virgo

Give yourself permission to feel good about yourself.

Virgos are seen as being self-sacrificing and compliant, so it often gets missed how incredibly strong and not-to-be-fucked-with you are. Your slavish devotion to your ideals is admirable, and your contributions to your relationships and community cannot be overstated. But you eat trophies for breakfast and keep on trucking, because there’s work to be done and who else is going to do it? Your work ethic is an expression of your values: You can feel good about yourself when you’ve performed your duty. And the fact that your duties are never-ending, well… too bad for you, right? I’m not sure that you can truly “earn” your own self-esteem, because your right to be happy with yourself cannot be conditional. You can’t violate that contract, Virgo, and the terms aren’t fair to you anyway. It may feel uncomfortable to give yourself credit that isn’t tied to productivity, but that’s okay. You’ll improve with practice.

Libra

Rely on your self-esteem, not what others think.

This one is a pure externalization of affirmation, which is a specifically Libran difficulty. You are the sign of the second person (you vs. I), and the joy of collaborating with others is built into your DNA. That’s your strength, and it makes you delightful to be around and work with. But that can manifest in an eternal hunt for approval and attention—as long as it’s not your own. Looking inward and seeing yourself will never feel as good as a flattering reflection in someone else’s corneas, right? Well, you have to try it to find out, Libra. It doesn’t mean you have to abandon the sugary rush of feeling popular or charming (duh, that’s never going away) or divesting of the shallow vanities that give you life. But remember that the most important reflection is self-reflection, and your good taste springs from the reality that you are good.

Scorpio

Trust your nearest and dearest.

Scorpios are so fascinating because they are so formidable and so vulnerable at the same time. Because you forget nothing, it takes you longer to get over injuries and slights (and the world is truly full of them), which further extends your horizon of trust. Your reputation for testing people when they get close to you is well earned, because you’re always at the ready to be betrayed once again. You are proof that confidence, competence, and self-possession will not protect against loss and grief, and you want to keep your soft heart soft—so you entrust very few to really see it. But being able to confront your own pain is one thing; being able to share it, with no strings attached, with someone else is the next level of healing. Because nurturing yourself by yourself doesn’t really do the trick. You’re powerful, but even you need the love (and trust) of others.

Sagittarius

Know that you are smart enough.

If you keep talking, eventually you find something worth saying, Sagittarius. Your Scheherazadean talent for discourse has made you indispensable to so many conversations. But that gift was not necessarily stumbled upon so innocently. Your gift of gab and love of scholarly pursuits may be armour you wear to protect yourself from the fear that deep down, you’re not as clever or inherently smart as you wish you were. The thing is, Sagittarius, that if your life were an academic proof, you’d have to concede to your own brilliance. It would simply follow from the evidence you’ve presented over and over and over. But internal anxieties are surprisingly resistant to logic and reason, and to deal with this, you may want to posit another thought experiment: What if you don’t need to be smart to be okay with yourself? That one has an easy answer, but it may keep you busy for decades.

Capricorn

Take the weight of the world off your shoulders.

Capricorn is pure mommy and daddy energy, taking the lead when needed, playing the patient counselor, providing stability in the face of uncertainty. You are underrated for your ability to nurture others, and, like any good manager or parent, you are dynamic and flexible in your role of taking care of everything. But what you get from being high functioning isn’t just its own rewards; it may be your way of coping with an uncomfortable suspicion that, deep down, you’re not a responsible or competent person. That can spiral into a sense of powerlessness, which you abhor and defend against with all you’ve got. But before you take up arms, try to sit with that feeling a little bit. You won’t open the door to chaos, but you will start to realize that you are not the glue that holds everything together—and you don’t have to be. And even if you do nothing with that freedom, it’s worth having.

Aquarius

Embrace shades of gray rather than black and white thinking.

For all of your brilliance, Aquarians, you do tend to be fond of one particular kind of intellectual shortcut: black and white thinking. It’s a compelling framework when you can apply it, because it simplifies the world, flattening every decision to one test. But you’re a complex soul who will invariably violate one of your many personal axioms (many of which probably contradict each other). Then, suddenly, you’ll be forced to reframe your sense of self. But this pendulum swinging isn’t necessary (or productive)—it’s not more noble to stick to rigid abstractions when your own messy humanity is right there, begging for some nuanced appreciation. Don’t cling to tightly to the rules in your head, and trust that you are a person navigating infinite variables, and that you’re actually doing it quite well.

Pisces

Stop making all the sacrifices in your relationships.

Pisces love a solid martyr scenario, and there are plenty of takers on the other side of that equation if you know where to look. Now, a lot of good things in this world really do demand a lot in return, and that’s where you get it absolutely right. A fulfilling career, child-rearing, partnership, ballet, etc. But where things get slippery is when you come to fetishize and enshrine the feeling of giving up as a necessary dynamic in your most important relationships. Giving is a beautiful thing, but it must be done freely and without a sense of obligation, even if that obligation is coming from inside the house. Take a beat to recognize the difference between how it feels to give your time and energy from a place of abundance, comfort, and leisure vs. feeling locked into ritualistic sacrifice. You are not the thing you have to give up to experience real love.

Graphic by Coco Lashar.

The post How to Renovate Your Life, According to the Zodiac appeared first on Man Repeller.

Might I Suggest: 3 Outfit Templates for a Casual Date

As a team, we’re often fielding fashion-centric quandaries via Twitter, text, and Instagram DM, so we figured, why not make it dot-com official? Welcome to Might I Suggest, the style advice column that solves your most elusive market searches and enduring style challenges.  This week, Leandra answers the never old, never new and constantly changing quandary: 

What should I wear on a casual first date?

Dear…,

What is your name? I didn’t catch it. I don’t know how this inquiry landed on my desktop, but here it is, and I don’t know your name, but I’d like to call you Frank, so if you don’t mind, I am going to call you Frank.

Dear Frank! Hello, Frank. I want to be frank with you about the frankness of this question and frankly, I have been in the depths of capital-P-Process for the past two months. I am not naturally a linear thinker, I am, in fact (in frank?), the opposite, and so burying myself in Process, attempting to untangle the wires that make up the constellation of how my mind works but output fails has been…no easy feat! But, I assure you, a rewarding one — and you know what they say, the brain is a muscle and the only way to make it stronger is to ram it against a hardwood surface and yell “Ouch,” at the feeling of pain, which any fitness instructor will tell you is the sensation of change. Of progress!

So here I am, learning how to build frameworks and templates for the betterment of tomorrow, deprioritizing the truly important stuff, like thinking about what I’d wear to stand on the sidelines at a marathon in Chicago for which I will not be in attendance (charcoal gray sweatpants, a black crew neck t-shirt, a green jacket with fringe, and something silk to tie around my neck). But I could only neglect what keeps the rubber ducks of my bathtub afloat for so long so when this query arrived, dressed to the nines in concern about what to wear for a hot date. So I turned the templates off to think about The Real Stuff but you know what I found?

More templates! I am often asked for outfit advice on what to wear on a casual first, or second, or third (or basically any number date where you are not yet comfortable enough with the other person so you feel you want to ask someone else what you should wear). In the past, I’ve always offered pretty literal suggestions, like leopard prints, or an argyle sweater (I actually think I offered these together), but those recommendations can only go so far. At the risk of sounding like I run a VC-backed startup (I don’t), that kind of advice doesn’t scale. So, you know, now that I’m a template person, I have been thinking: Can I build a template to help you figure out what to wear on a first date? Can I, dare I suppose, be the template?

I’m just kidding, that’s not a thing. But here’s a stab and several templates, categorized by garment types because those who like short things are not often those who like long things, and those who like dresses are not always those who like jeans and those who like pineapple, often recoil at… you get the point. So let’s just go, ya?

If you like wearing short things, try…



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I recommended a pair of shorts, but a mini skirt (or skort!) works too. I’d add socks so you can feel like you’re wearing boots to the extent that they ride up to about mid-shin, but there is something more dynamic about loafers or a pair of brogues. Maybe it’s the two layers instead of one. The shirt recommendation is arbitrary, but I would recommend something long sleeve; it tends to offset the shorts, and adds balance against the socks. The jacket can really be of any sort—trench, utility, wool. I like it when they’re the same length as the shorts or skirt, but you do you. Alternatively, btw, you could wear a mini dress in place of shorts or a skirt, and a sweater over. But now we’re deviating from the template….

If you’re big on jeans, try…



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Knee-high boots are the shoes of fall, and probably winter, and we’re still early in their life cycle so honestly, even though I am deeply invested in wearing them (ankle boots just don’t feel “right” anymore and I have always basically hated pairing all shoes except for sandals with jeans), I’m not sure how to wear them and nail them quite yet, my mind keeps taking me to a denim shirt, high waist jeans, and a pair of kitten heel boots, so that’s where I took you. What do you think of the air pressure?

If you hate jeans, but love pants, try…



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Is it considered a faux-pas to recommend a pair of sweatpants for a date? If you’re going to the movies, or bowling, or to dinner at your favorite neighborhood “joint” (I have always wanted to be the kind of person who uses this term in earnest to describe a dining facility that I frequent), I think it’s worth trying to tuck an “inspired” pair into flat knee-high boots (this pair of $800, and I’d say it’s worth getting a solid pair that you are confident you’d wear into the ground, but $800 is $800, so maybe, some of these second hand are a good option, LMK). Add a cardigan, and an ascot. You’re basically Princess Diana now. Included an evening clutch as such, btw.

If you’re more of a dress person, try…



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I’m not a dress person, I don’t think, but if I was one, I’d likely wear some version of a tunic/caftan with a turtleneck under it and shoes that could qualify for on-stage dancing with stars, but also holding hands under stars, if you know what I’m saying. Add socks, don’t add socks, Pull a cardigan over the whole enchilada and belt if you please.

If none of this means anything to you, and you’re just looking for a uniform that you can wear through, effectively, any life event that is not a black tie gala, I get it, how about…



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You desire a one-and-done approach to getting dressed to look ~and feel~ like you. I get it. You’re a grown-up. I think I’m becoming one too. Sorry about the shoe choice, you can choose your own adventure if sandals after labor day are v much not your thing.

I offer just this in addition: your outfit is only as good as your outlook, which I know you know but which could stand to be reiterated, so grab that date by the horns, you show that motha fucka that you put the fffffffffffffffffff! in fun and if shit hits the fan, or you simply, amicably decide you are not a match, figure this: time is young, and you look great, so keep your head up on the commute home. Chef’s kiss, wink, nod, mwah.

Graphic by Dasha Faires.

The post Might I Suggest: 3 Outfit Templates for a Casual Date appeared first on Man Repeller.

The Best Social Media Strategy Is a Horny One

Culturally speaking, I’m pretty sure we can all agree that we’ve reached peak “horny.” Never in history has there been such a palpable thirst in the air. It practically drips—steams?—from our digital devices on a daily basis. Many have charted the moment’s milestone’s (from Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s recent SNL monologue to tweets about politicians who make us quake to hot mallards) and I have enjoyed each one of them. As Bridges pointed out, in 2019, it’s an era of lustiness that has allowed many formerly marginalized groups to send and receive a great deal of saucy energy.

Including, I’m pleased to say, social media professionals.

If you were loitering around the Man Repeller office, within five minutes you would likely hear me react to something posted by Paper magazine. In the past year, the brand has indulged in an identity that centers almost exclusively around horniness. Their particular style of lust is shock value: Not so much a wink as a slap. 

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Yes, that was the sound of my underwear hitting the floor.

A post shared by Paper Magazine (@papermagazine) on Oct 8, 2019 at 9:52am PDT

As my friend Harry Hill wrote: “Caption needs jail time.” Judging by their engagement rate, though, the content illustrating my id seems to be a successful model. 

Another horn-dog account I’d love to highlight is @pornforwomen, which occupies a different space from accounts like Paper and their ilk. PFW encompasses both traditionally “hot” individuals and the wide array of things that factor into arousal. Pics of Ronan Farrow, who lights up anyone’s sapiosexual receptors for his important contributions to journalism (and more, duh), is juxtaposed with a video of Jane Fonda getting arrested for protesting against environmental policy in D.C. and pics of Zendaya, obviously. “Porn for women” may be a tricky name, but it makes its point that non-cis-hetero-male sexuality is powerful and diverse and well-worthy of expression.

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Jane Fonda arrested in DC for protesting climate change…

A post shared by THE PFW (@pornforwomen) on Oct 11, 2019 at 11:15am PDT

Horniness works so well as a humorous device on social that it seems to have spread infectiously to nearly everyone. It is relatable, it has shock value, it is refreshing. Though it has been epitomized by only a few, it seems to just be reaching its apex now, with everyone finding their place and interpretation of the steamy conversation. And nearly all contributions are being welcomed with open arms.

Why now? My guess is that in a truly wild political landscape, maybe being horny as fuck is the only thing we can all agree on. I certainly feel that way when my inbox continues to chirp exclusively with sounds of approval after I post my 6th image of Shia Laboeuf to Instagram stories (sorry, Mom).

How do you feel about the horn-storm of 2019? Who are the accounts that I’m missing out on? Have you taken to social media to comically or otherwise express your lust? Ready for your thoughts.

Graphic by Dasha Faires.

The post The Best Social Media Strategy Is a Horny One appeared first on Man Repeller.

Unpacking My Favorite Succession Theories—Real and Imagined

At the height of Succession season, I could be easily convinced that members of the New York media have their pay docked for each week they don’t compose a witty tweet about the Roy family. After all, the show is—to borrow a turn of phrase from Frankspeak—“unusually subject to the vicissitudes of public opinion.”

I’ve got a few opinions myself: At this stage I’m primarily invested in Kendall’s unconventional good looks, Roman’s capacity for love, Greg the “Machiavellian fuck,” and Connor’s sourdough starter. I’m not sure that any of the other characters defanged by Logan can surprise me now (live culture excluded), though I invite showrunner Jesse Armstrong to prove me wrong.

Succession’s prime Sunday night time-slot disposes me to lying wide awake in bed for hours afterward, ruminating on the few horses I have left in this race and unraveling the riddles of the season, rather than strategizing for the tangles of Monday morning that await me. In advance of the imminent finale, I am here to hyperdecant a blender’s worth of these theories, some of which are my personal takes on ongoing conversations, the more predictable fare, while others have been cooked up in a headspace all my own. Allow me to pelt a few metaphorical water bottles in your direction with this one-woman AMA.

Who will be on the receiving end of Logan’s blood sacrifice?

I’m putting my Monopoly money on Greg as Logan’s intended “blood sacrifice,” though I predict he’ll skirt his Grexit by exposing his damning Voice Memos (wherein Wambsgans narrates his own destruction of evidence). Nothing incentivizes familial blackmail like turning down a quarter of a billion dollars. (An aside: You may know that Sarah Snook who plays Shiv Roy is Australian, but have you heard Matthew Macfadyen’s British accent?!? Prepare to feel hoodwinked.)

What else will bubble up in the season finale?

While Logan suspects Sandy and Stewy are behind the whistleblower, “The Weasel,” my hunch is that the whistleblower’s generous funding can instead be traced to Greg’s sturdy grandfather, Logan’s brother Ewan, who had made menacing remarks to Logan at his 50th anniversary celebration in Scotland. This weekend’s finale is also bound to reveal the backstory of Logan’s sister, another haunting reference glossed over during the Scotland trip, (possibly resurfaced by Logan’s unwelcome biographer?) and how Logan’s guilt over that tragedy factors as one of his most major motivations. Not a theory, but here’s hoping that Roman and Gerri run off together into the sunset.

How far does the Godfather connection go?

I’m certainly not the first person with an Internet connection to draw a venn diagram connecting the Roy and Corleone families. My pet theory within this conversation is that Succession’s structured the way The Godfather was intended to be. At some point in the production process, Francis Ford Coppola designed The Godfather trilogy to have each installment centered around a different Corleone brother: the original Godfather focused on the eldest Sonny (James Caan), and Godfather II revolved around Michael (Al Pacino). Their adoptive brother Tom Hagen (Robert Duvall) was supposed to operate at the center of Godfather III, though financial disputes with the studio ultimately led to Duvall’s departure from the franchise (this offers an explanation for why The Godfather III falters under the weight of the original and its sequel). As we’ve seen, the first season explores Kendall as successor and the second considers Shiv, so the third must examine Roman’s potential for the role (with his bride Gerri). This logic would find Season 4—laughably—entertaining the idea of Connor as successor (at which point he may be leader of the free world).

And what about The Jinx?

I recently watched an interview with Jesse Armstrong where he conceded that Succession is less indebted to his own 2011ish screenplay Murdoch than it is to HBO’s The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst. This connection had been apparent to me at first blush, when I watched the pilot with its herky-jerky cinematography last summer—Succession’s opening titles draw rather explicitly from the intros of The Jinx and its predecessor All Good Things. (The latter is the feature film on Robert Durst that made Durst willing to cooperate for The Jinx. Casting Ryan Gosling as his doppelgänger might have been persuasive.) Succession learned a few tricks from the Robert Durst cinematic universe, crafting an opening title sequence with light-leaked, super 8mm home video footage of sibling tennis matches and seated lunches on the grassy property underscored by hints of family dysfunction, and the recurring motif of the rückenfigur, a compositional device that always finds the imposing Logan Roy framed from behind.

A Shiv fan wonders: Is Shiv losing her edge?

As someone who once went on the record as an ardent fan of Shiv Roy’s season one togs, I must now contradict myself: Shiv’s style undergoes a grayed-out sanitization over the course of Season 2 (to illustrate character development!) as she becomes more involved with the tasteless world of Waystar Royco. Her blazers get longer and longer, a cue for the otherness of her femininity which contributes to assignments like convincing a female victim to back out of testifying before Congress. Color altogether vanishes from the Shiv Roy staples, firmly planting Shiv on the greyscale where her father’s wardrobe resides. By comparison, Naomi Pierce suddenly looks chic in her chocolate brown courtroom suit.

Do any other shows pass the Tonsil Hockey Test?

Funniest-person-I-know Nora Taylor posed a rhetorical inquiry on August 20th in the form of a Instagram Stories poll: “Is there a better ‘prestige’ TV theme song to make out to than the one from Succession?” I crunched some numbers and the data speaks for itself: Nicholas Brittell’s theme has over one million plays on Spotify. More underrated is the official HBO 26-song, 37-minute-long soundtrack from Season Uno.

How am I going to bring Pete Davidson into this conversation?

I’ll tell you right here, right now. Nothing takes the wind out of my sails like an absent Pete Davidson in the first month of SNL season, but I theorize that Saturday Night Live is waiting for Pete’s return from the Suicide Squad set before staging a Succession spoof: Pete makes for an uncanny Roman. They share an archetype as the cunning delinquent, able to oscillate between juvenile humor and piercing wit, setting expectations low and yielding high rewards. It takes one to know one, I suppose: I took the Buzzfeed quiz and it turns out I’m a Roman, too.

How long must we wait for Season 3? And what do we have to look forward to?

My crystal ball shows next season’s themes orbiting around foreign money and corruption, the historical dynamics between Logan Roy’s own siblings, and Connor’s presidential run, mirroring the actual lead-up to the 2020 election. This is all underscored by my prevailing theory in television that the second season’s always the best, so enjoy it while it lasts.

What kind of Kendall Roy spinoffs are we potentially working with?

Deaccession, where Kendall Roy takes his talents for selling assets and redirects that energy toward unloading last season’s Lanvin sneakers on Grailed and TheRealReal, or JamSession, in which Kendall launches an ATN-adjacent podcast where he discusses new rap releases with former Buckley classmates and occasionally deigns to recite some of the song’s lyrics (off-key).

I welcome your own predictions and predilections below. I’ll be belting “ROMULUS!” to no one in particular and commenting on Nicholas Braun’s Instagrams with reckless abandon in the meantime.

Feature photos via HBO.

The post Unpacking My Favorite Succession Theories—Real and Imagined appeared first on Man Repeller.

Katie Holmes Is Conducting the World’s Greatest Charm Offensive

Is it just me, or is Katie Holmes staging a charm offensive so powerful she’s suddenly the subject of a mounting viral narrative for the first time since Tom Cruise’s couch-jumping incident in 2005? According to my internet spidey senses, she’s made headlines more times in the past month than she has in the past 14 years combined, not because she adopted a cute puppy or suddenly hacked the Instagram algorithm or is doing press for an upcoming film, but simply because she’s getting dressed and living her life in a noticeably charming way.

Hailing a taxi in a cashmere bra (just the first crystal in her viral iceberg)? Charming.

 

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A post shared by KIRNA ZABÊTE (@kirnazabete) on Aug 29, 2019 at 7:56am PDT

Pairing flats with fancy dresses not once but twice? Charming.

 

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A post shared by Courtney Pyle (@courtneymariepyle) on Oct 4, 2019 at 6:29pm PDT

 

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A post shared by Harper’s Bazaar UK (@bazaaruk) on Sep 30, 2019 at 8:32am PDT

Donning an almost-floor-length coat for the purposes of a morning coffee run? Charming.

 

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A post shared by @dalhiida on Sep 30, 2019 at 6:04am PDT

Wearing a can’t-look-away metallic navy power suit that fits like a damn glove? Charming.

 

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A post shared by Fustany.com (@fustany) on Oct 6, 2019 at 3:28am PDT

The charm offensive is a delicate art. I’ve seen outcomes go both ways: the way of too much and the way of just right. Unlike the girl in my high school class who sent an email to the whole school announcing she’d gotten her braces off over the summer, Katie Holmes seems to be falling squarely in the latter category. There’s something palpably endearing about the way she and her stylist Jeanne Yang have been putting together outfits recently. Outfits that garner attention without demanding it. Outfits that feature new, exciting designers like Khaite and WARDROBE.NYC. Outfits that clearly take into account the practical concerns of being a human being with things to do and places to see. It’s a different track for Katie, style-wise, and one that makes it seem like she’s navigating what it means to be talked about in the media on her own terms.

As is key with an effective charm offensive, she’s letting the narrative write itself instead of trying to micromanage it. Not only is she refraining from commenting on any of her heavily-discussed style splashes, she’s also acting aggressively low-key about them on her Instagram. That viral cashmere bra incident? Not a single pic posted! Same for the very cool floor-length coat. That metallic navy power suit? Only a pic from the waist up–and one that misrepresented the suit’s brightly arresting color to boot. As for the flat-cum-fancy dress combos, she only posted a photo of one of them… and she cut off her feet, a.k.a. the precise thing the internet was buzzing about.

Some attribute her recent blitz of good outfits and great press to a post-Jamie Foxx breakup style transformation. I, too, have entertained this thought, but there are other potential contributing factors at hand. Like the fact that she turned 40 last year and is thus one decade further into her womanly prime. Or the fact that she hasn’t really been in a hit TV show or movie since playing Naomi in How I Met Your Mother in 2011 and 2013 and therefore might be attempting to stage a career comeback (which, by the way, I’m very much here for). Or the fact that her now-13-year-old daughter Suri has been quietly excelling in the realm of personal style since she was but a wee thing.

At this point that’s the best I’ve got, but rest assured I will continue following this thoughtfully rendered output of stylistic charisma closely. In the meantime, tell me what you think. Has Katie charmed the regrettably-not-cashmere bra off you, too?

Feature photo via Getty Images.

The post Katie Holmes Is Conducting the World’s Greatest Charm Offensive appeared first on Man Repeller.

How to Organize a Tiny Bathroom, According to an Expert

Every apartment I move into seems to have a smaller bathroom than the last. I’m certain that’s not what’s supposed to happen as you grow up, but a year ago I found myself living in an apartment fitted with the smallest bathroom of my life. I wish I could say that my nine years of moving to increasingly tiny spaces has resulted in my being an expert organizer—but in fact the opposite is true. Sadly I’m an objectively messy person who loves skincare and makeup (and hoarding both), and this tends to be adequately represented in my bathrooms.

The other day, when I found myself sitting on the floor of my bathroom, surrounded by products I’d dug out of a New Yorker tote bag I’d stuffed under my sink—all to find a retainer cleaning tablet, I realized I needed to make a change. So in the name of Renovations Month, I reached out to professional organizer Tidy Tova, who has previously worked magic on Harling’s bedroom and Amelia’s closet, for help.

Before Tova arrived at my apartment, I spent an entire night sorting through my products. This means my before photos aren’t true befores, but I didn’t want to waste any of my allocated tidying time staring at a blush I hadn’t worn in two years, wondering if this weekend might be the weekend it makes a reappearance on my face. So I recycled or threw away all empty or expired products and put everything I could bear to part with into a separate bag to be rehomed. Finally, I stuffed everything back under the sink and began counting down to Tova’s arrival.

Here’s everything I learned about bathroom organization when she did. May it help you as much as it helped me.

1. Keep the Products You Use the Most in a Prime Position

Before Tova touched anything in my bathroom, she asked me to pull out the products I use every single day. I obliged, and after a totally warranted moment of disbelief at the sheer quantity (unsurprisingly, Tova is a big proponent of less-is-more beauty routines), she moved each of these products to the easiest-to-access position on the shelves above my sink.

“My thought process, in bathrooms particularly,” she said, “is that what you use the most should go front and center. I really believe in streamlining your life and routine so that in the mornings, all you need to do is open your cupboard, look to the bottom right, and systematically work through those products without searching for anything else,” she said. As obvious as this seems, it made me realize how many products I had in my typical line of sight that I was barely using. Why were they ever there in the first place?

2. Add Containers to Shallow Shelves to Keep Products From Falling Out

Things falling out of the vanity and into the bathroom sink is a pet peeve Tova and I share. However, unlike Tova, I had no plans to do anything about it. She added these plastic organizers that would normally be used in drawers to my shelves to keep everything in place. Each container also had a category: My boyfriend got his own container for his handful of products, my essential oils got their own space, as did my serums and medicines.

 

 

3. Make Use of Vertical Space

While my solution for making use of the empty space in my cupboard involved stuffing everything into a tote bag, Tova’s version was slightly different. Before coming over, I sent her some photos of my bathroom and she asked that I buy a couple of things to help her organize my mess, including two sets of these removable drawers—one in large and one in medium.

“I immediately saw an opportunity to take advantage of the vertical space under your sink,” she said. “I really believe in cheap, good purchases that go a long way in helping you get organized.” While only one of the drawers fit under my cupboard, the smaller of the two sat on top as a basket with dividers. I never would have thought of investing in the vertical space under my cabinet, but once I did, it seemed ridiculous that I hadn’t.

4. Make Everything as Visible and Accessible as Possible

Unlike the tote-bag method, putting everything in drawers means I can now see and access everything I have stored. Tova also sorted everything into separate product categories (hair, body, and face), so it’s now just a matter of knowing what I want (dry shampoo) and looking to that area under my sink (far right). As someone who is constantly one misplaced product away from running late, this has been a game-changer.

5. Avoid Product Samples and Doubling Up on Products

During the organizing process, Tova and I spoke a lot about how so many of us end up filling our bathroom cabinets with more than we need—especially when it comes travel-size products and free samples. “Samples are a big issue for me,” she said. “They come into your life so easily, and I find that people rarely use them. But they get into every crack and corner and are hard for people to throw away. I think they should literally be outlawed,” she joked (I think). “Duplicates are also a problem. You can’t find your deodorant, so you think you don’t have any and buy a new one. You start using that one, then find the old one, then neither get actually get used up and you end up wasting money.” As she spoke, I saw a lifetime of replacing—then finding—lost deodorant, sunscreen, and bars of soap flash before my eyes.

6. Reorganize Your Bathroom Quarterly

Organization functions best when it’s in a constant state of progress. As you finish and dispose of products, bring more into your life, and shuffle things in shelves and drawers, your tidiness will slowly start to fall apart. This is why Tova recommends a quarterly bathroom organizing session. (If she had her way we’d all be organizing once a month, but we both agreed quarterly felt more reasonable.) So, mark your calendars or just aim to do a clean-out at the beginning or end of each season.

7. Aim for “Real-Life Tidy” Not “Perfect Tidy”

Of all the tips Tova shared with me, this one was my favorite: “I call what I aim for ‘real-life tidy.’ It’s my rebellion against this current culture of perfection where people want everything to line up, match, and look a certain way. I’m trying to retrain people’s brains to know that for something to be organized, it doesn’t have to look beautiful—it just has to be functional,” she said.

Real-life tidy is very much how my new bathroom feels. Since Tova’s visit I’ve saved time during my morning routine and have already saved myself from buying seconds of products I already had. It doesn’t look particularly Pinterest- or Instagram-worthy, but everything has a place and that feels uniquely good.

Photos by Franey Miller.

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MR Writers Club Prompt: The 5 Stages of Locking Down a New Friend

Have you heard of the Man Repeller Writers Club? Every month we pose a story idea, then you write about it and send it to us (write@manrepeller.com) with the subject line “MR Writers Club.” We read through all submissions and post the winner on the first Friday of every month. Ready? Let’s go.

A new friendship of mine was recently solidified when the following occurred: We met up for coffee when I was in a terrible mood. As soon as I arrived and she asked how I was, I proceeded to monologue my distress for upwards of five minutes. By the time I took a breath, I felt terrible for bombarding her with my problems—frankly, we barely knew each other. But what followed was an emotionally intimate conversation unlike any we’d had before. Months later, that meetup marks an important turning point in our friendship. A seal that required breaking.

Adult friendships are finicky. They look different from the ones that fell into our laps in school, when connections bloomed through seating charts and group projects and team sports. As we get older, making friends becomes a more active pursuit, meaning it feels like there’s a right and wrong way to do it. Of course that’s not exactly true, but each new friendship does require a kind of improvised process, the most successful of which will probably hit similar beats.

For this month’s Writers Club prompt, we want you to spell out that process in familiar terms. What are the five stages of new friendship when you’re an adult? What does courting look and feel like? What are the twists and turns that make the process feel a little familiar, no matter whom it concerns? Tell us in 500 words or less and email it to write@manrepeller on or by November 25th.

Graphic by Dasha Faires.

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“Clothes Are Power, They Transform You”: LaTonya Yvette’s Outfit Anatomy

Welcome to Outfit Anatomy, a series on Man Repeller of comprehensive style analyses that break down what we wear by answering questions like: How much did that cost? Where did you find that? Why did you buy it in the first place? Today, LaTonya Yvette describes the outfit she wore in September.

I wore this outfit on a recent September morning to drop off my kids at school, then head to work. (I joke that I sort of work from everywhere, which is to say, I work from home and bounce around to cafes, pop into my kids’ school, then go back home, or to a cafe.) After that, I went to the doctor (I had a cold). I actually think wearing lipstick helped me feel better. I intended, through all of this, to photograph this outfit for my lifestyle blog.

It turned out this was also the first round in a series of jeans tests—a week in which I would rediscover all my jeans and wear the heck out of them to decide which ones I don’t like anymore and will therefore purge vs. which ones I will keep.

I started this routine a few years ago: I spend an hour or so with my closet doors open, looking at my things, with the piles of jeans stacked and ready to try on. I own about 12 pairs of jeans (which is ridiculous to think about; I’ve done a lot of denim campaigns). There are a bunch that I know I’ll never get rid of, so they get put to the side. I am not religious at all about the process, and to be honest because I get gifted regularly, it’s a way to be conscious about what I’m taking in. I’m often overwhelmed by more stuff, so purging represents brain space. I don’t really buy “new” things (I’m more of a vintage shopper), but the jeans I’m wearing here are from The Gap.

The top I’m wearing, by Doen, is actually my sister’s. She left it here after babysitting my kids and I haven’t given it back. I think it retails for, like, $250?

LaTonya Yvette

The scarf is from a vintage store. It had to be like $2. I loved the combination of the tone of blue and pastel yellow and the sort of pearly white—it makes it easy to wear and, for whatever reason, feel like an expensive silk scarf when it isn’t.

I have two hat boxes full of scarves because I wear them so often—I grew up with my mother and grandmother wearing simple triangle headscarves, so I guess the inclination is in my bones. You know what’s funny is that I’ve always worn it folded, but I opened it up recently and realized there’s a pretty grotesque cowboy scene on it; I’ll never unfold it again.

The hoops are vintage too. I got them in Berlin last summer— they were 5 euros. I spent so much of last year pinning old photos of women in dramatic, Brooklyn-style 80s gold hoops but was not satisfied by so many of the options because they were so heavy. These are light. And maintain all the drama.

The loafers were purchased on heavy markdown but I don’t remember for how much. My brain is awful and I’ve had them a while. They’re by Dieppa Restrepo—who no longer makes shoes. The soles need repatching because I think I wore nothing-but-them for two years straight. There’s something to be said about classic loafers. You can wear them with pretty much anything. The only reason I haven’t had them fixed is that I can’t give them up for the time it would take to fix them.

The vest is part of this large archive of vintage pieces I got after my grandmother passed away. She was an icon—every morning, every day, was a party. A reason to get dressed. Nothing was off-limits, and this, from someone who never left her Brooklyn neighborhood. She didn’t try to be stylish, she just was. And it wasn’t what she wore, really, but how she wore it and how that translated to her community involvement. She was soft and reserved, but there was a wild, burning power about her. She rallied for Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton and worked at the local school. She really believed in the power of clothing, how they could transform you as a person.

There’s this one photo of her that I always think back to, she’s wearing a soft button-down, a vest, and a bow tie. She had long curly hair, and was part indigenous American and carried these highly feminine facial traits that stick out in my memory, but her fashion sense—the vests and trousers and flats—pushed against that energy and you could feel it bursting out of the photo. I knew her as a single woman most of my adult life, and in many ways, she has come to represent my definition of beauty as power.

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I’m often told by family that the way we navigate community, style, and creativity is pretty similar. I’ve had this vest for 10 years. There are two or three that I have, which I’ll wear very frequently but the rest of them I try to save because I want to keep them in pristine condition. Maybe I’ll pass them on.

In sum, I think I spent about $87 on this entire outfit, the newest item, ironically, is probably one of the oldest items—the scarf. The oldest is no doubt the vest, and now that I think about it, having her stuff in my closet reminds me of the power of clothes, and I think because of that helps me to be discerning about what else I bring in. As told to Leandra Medine.

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I Quit Soap for a Month Because Science Said I Could

Few pop culture moments in my 2019 have been as consciousness-altering as the day Taylor Swift revealed that she shaves her legs instead of washing them.

“Shaving cream is like soap, right?” she asked on Ellen in May.

She can’t be serious, I thought. Who doesn’t use soap?

As it turns out, lots of people don’t use it. Taylor and Ellen were two of many voices in the latest and greatest Twitter war—not on whether shaving cream counted as soap, but whether we need to wash our legs at all. And amidst the post-Ellen articles and Twitter threads debating whether Taylor was right (she wasn’t) (she definitely wasn’t), a quieter, less conventional defense of her hygiene practices emerged throughout comments sections and tumblr tags: It doesn’t even matter, because your body doesn’t need soap anyway.

Given the slippery slope I experience with my own hygiene when I skip a shower, I found this line of argument alarming. So, I conducted some cursory research (i.e. furiously Googled “is soap a lie”), and after reading a few articles, felt thoroughly disillusioned. I couldn’t believe how many people were living happy, healthy, odor-free lives without body wash or shower gel.

Body soap makes you smell fresh and clean short-term, but it essentially enables the problem it’s supposed to solve.

Dr. James Hamblin, preventative medicine physician and author of If Our Bodies Could Talk, has all but managed to stop showering entirely. He began the transition simply by showering less and using fewer products, before slowly phasing out soap, shampoo, and deodorant. Now, he only occasionally rinses off in the shower if he’s covered in actual dirt, but he doesn’t smell otherwise. “Applying detergents (soaps) to our skin and hair every day disrupts a sort of balance between skin oils and the bacteria that live on our skin,” he explains in The Atlantic. Destroying our skin’s good bacteria with soap prompts our bodies to overproduce oil and bacteria, Hamblin explains, which in turn causes odor.

In short? Body soap makes you smell fresh and clean short-term, but it essentially enables the problem it’s supposed to solve. (Ah, capitalism. You never disappoint.) Breaking up with it does require a transition though (a smelly one), and there didn’t seem to be one conclusive method for tackling it; some people cut back on products overall, some ditch body wash but otherwise shower normally, and others swap traditional soap for natural products or paleo alternatives. But there was one common denominator in every guinea pig story I read: no soap, no smell.

I was intrigued. As someone who grew up around horses and smelled like a literal barnyard animal for 60% of my childhood, I’ve long harbored insecurities about my scent. Could a few uncomfortable transition weeks free me from these along with the capitalistic shackles of hygiene maintenance, all while helping the environment? It seemed too good to be true.

The No-Soap Experiment

Naturally, my soap strike officially began on one of the record-hottest days of the summer. But it was the only work-from-home week in my foreseeable future, and I hoped to ride out my smelliness in peace. It was then or never.

The rules: I would wash my hair and face as usual, apply deodorant once in the morning, and use unscented shaving cream on the odd occasion I felt like shaving—but no body soap for at least 30 days. I would still use hand soap because the CDC is a big fan of it and also because my mom taught me manners, but the rest of me would just get a daily douse of hot water.

I felt like a freshman on the first day of high school: nervous, excited, and oh so naive.

For the first couple days, I barely noticed a difference. Is it really this easy? I wondered. Why don’t more people know about this? And just when I was about to brag to my friends about my scentlessness, my optimism was kicked in the face on day three, wherein I found myself showering for the third time in 12 hours in a hopeless attempt to not smell like the YMCA. At one point I swear I caught a whiff of myself while I was still in the shower.

By the time I had to go back to work smelling post-apocalyptic, I had all of one thought: What the absolute fuck was I thinking?

By day six, deodorant was all but useless, and I somehow felt greasy and dry simultaneously. It took every ounce of willpower I could muster not to quit, and I very well may have had I not been contractually committed to write this story. Instead, I showered excessively, ignored the eco-hypocrisy, and powered through. Clearly my various glands were working out the kinks—I was just glad I could avoid human contact for the most part. Until, of course, I couldn’t.

By the time I had to go back to work smelling post-apocalyptic, I had all of one thought: What the absolute fuck was I thinking? But in a twist of fortune, week two represented a welcome tapering. Slowly but surely, my unbearable odor subsided and by the beginning of week three, I had pretty much leveled off. Granted, I was no lavender breeze, but was I ever? I had reached a neutral middle ground, by which I mean: I still smelled like a sweaty commuter at the end of the day, but a quick rinse and I smelled like nothing again. By the end of my 30-day trial, not even my most brutally honest friends and family members could detect a difference in my scent.

The No-Soap Verdict

Knowing I now had the option not to use body soap was predictably liberating, but it almost felt too simple. If I smell and feel exactly the same with or without body wash, did I ever really need it? And what level of privilege does it take to “need” it to begin with? Cutting this one product from my daily regimen not only saved money, plastic, water, and time, but it drew a clearer line for me between necessity and luxury. When I wanted to cave and drown in a bottle of Dove that first week, I had to remind myself that there are worse things to live without—safe, clean water on tap to drink or to bathe whenever I want, for example—and it’s really not that serious.

I did end up finishing the abandoned, half-used bottle of Dove a couple weeks later, but I wasn’t as eager to start using it again as I expected to be. I only use it now for shaving purposes, which I’ll probably continue to do until or unless I manage to give up that convention as well. I just like knowing I don’t have to use it, and knowing how my body will react should I choose to opt out again. Using soap feels like a conscious choice now, rather than an imposed obligation, which I appreciate, even if it means taking responsibility for that choice. It gives me a sense of agency over my body, finances, and environmental impact.

There’s nothing wrong with using body soap or beauty products if it’s what makes you feel good and comfortable, but sometimes it’s equally as refreshing to remember that not everything is the necessity we’re made to believe it is.

Graphic by Coco Lashar. 

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This New SATC Book Will Tell You What Kind of Miranda You Are

Chelsea Fairless and Lauren Garroni, the women behind beloved Instagram account @everyoutfitonsatc, are releasing a book next week, and it’s about the very thing that sets their Sex and the City commentary apart from other modern attempts to dissect the show: unabashed favoritism of Miranda Hobbes. We Should All Be Mirandas: Life Lessons from Sex and the City’s Most Underrated Character makes no secret of its preferential treatment. The fact that this book exists is a testament to how our collective relationship with Miranda, once perceived as the most controversial–dare I say unlikeable?–character, has evolved since the show’s original HBO heyday. Today she is heralded as a feminist hero, a would-be protagonist, an icon of bucket hats and pragmatism alike.

But even if we should all be Mirandas, that doesn’t mean we can’t identify with aspects of the other women on the show as well. Below, enjoy a sneak preview of a chapter from Fairless and Garroni’s forthcoming book–a guide to determining which version of Miranda + [insert other character here] best summarizes your personality.

Being a Miranda does not preclude you from relating to other characters on the show. We’ll be the first to admit that almost everyone has a little bit of Carrie in them. Many Mirandas are promiscuous like Samantha, while others are closet traditionalists like Charlotte. Some Mirandas even present as other characters, although this is often the result of internalized Mirandaphobia. Whatever the case, your rising sign is an integral part of who you are and how the world sees you. If you don’t already know what your ascendant sign is, we’ve included a handy flow chart for your convenience:

Miranda With a Carrie Rising

You may have your shit together, but you also have an oven filled with shoes. Mirandas with a Carrie rising are constantly at odds with themselves, attempting to reconcile the pragmatic and romantic sides of their brains. This personality type is cursed with knowing what the right choice is, but habitually making the wrong one anyway. They might pay off their student loans one month, but spend their entire savings on a vintage caftan the next. Carefully cultivating a “look” is both an act of control and a preferred form of cardio. They are creative people by nature and will often channel those impulses into side hustles, which can provide them with a bit of a cushion should their building go co-op.

Like all Mirandas, they are full of opinions, delivering sardonic quips on everything from politics to this year’s Met Gala theme. But while they are eager to assert themselves, they are also extremely sensitive, which puts them at an emotional disadvantage when criticism is leveled. Despite their precarious nature, they are routinely the go-to resource for unbiased advice among their friends. Proceed with caution, though. Mirandas with a Carrie rising are not known for taking their own advice, frequently to the point of self-destruction. Food and fashion are often crutches in times of conflict, but others rarely view them as vices because your taste in both is impeccable. You are a closet hedonist, hence the eating cake out of the garbage, but you will always look fabulous while doing it.

Miranda With a Samantha Rising

Screw convention—that soul-sucking trap is for Charlottes. Your primary aim in life is to achieve happiness and personal fulfillment through your social life and your career. You don’t need to be married. You don’t need—or want—children. You don’t even need a partner to have mind-blowing orgasms, because that’s what your Sharper Image neck massager is for. Mirandas with a Samantha rising are highly driven and self-sufficient people. They are deeply opinionated and confident in their convictions, which often deviate from the status quo. They carve their own paths in life, and tend to avoid people who conform to societal norms. They also like sex—a lot.

Having a diverse and fulfilling sex life is a requirement for a Miranda with a Samantha rising, not an option. Their happiness and sense of well-being depend on it. When they lack an adequate sexual outlet, they tend to lash out at those around them. Apart from the occasional bout of sexual frustration, this personality type is generally even-tempered and dependable. But even though Mirandas with a Samantha rising have high tolerances for other people’s bullshit, they do have their limits. Sometimes you need to avoid unnecessary drama at all costs, even if it means dis- inviting the entire crew from your dinner at Samba.

Miranda With a Charlotte Rising

It hardly seems possible, but yet here you are, existing at the nexus of hopeless cynicism and profound optimism. Your number one goal is to have a perfect life, and to get to that perfect life as quickly and painlessly as possible. The future you desire has been culled from the sappy romance novels and paperback erotica that you read secretly in your teen years (and let’s be honest, you’re still reading that trash). Guilt is a hallmark of this personality type, as is the warmer, fuzzier offshoot of guilty pleasure.

Despite your somewhat conservative presentation, you are surprisingly down for majorly transgressive sex. Threesomes, cross-dressing, and anilingus may repulse you initially, but at some point, you’ll probably wind up fellating someone in a dark alley. But while your sexual tastes may be eccentric, you are a ride-or-die basic bitch at your core. You love Love Actually, pumpkin spice lattes, and impromptu Target runs. You are a stickler for the rules, but that’s not to say you’re a pushover. When you see injustice, you call it out passionately. This personality type can solve anything with their can-do attitude—apart from curing their partner’s erectile dysfunction, that is.

Miranda With a Miranda Rising

Holy shit, you’re as Miranda as it gets. We wouldn’t be surprised if you were wearing adult braces right now—which isn’t a critique, by the way. To the contrary, we are simply acknowledging that Mirandas with a Miranda rising have to deal with a lot of bullshit. You may have advantages in life, but you tend to attract bad dates and bad hair days with a higher frequency than most.

Those minor mishaps aside, there are several advantages to being a Miranda through and through. For one, you are completely self-sufficient. You don’t depend on others to take care of you, because you always rely on yourself. And it should come as no surprise that the most prominent characteristic of Mirandas with Mirandas rising is their deeply opinionated natures. Mirandas are not shy when it comes to speaking their minds, whether it be about their friends’ pretentious boyfriends or the current Yankees lineup. This would be a far less attractive quality if not for the fact that they are almost always right.

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