Leandra Medine's Blog, page 696

MR Writer’s Club: The One That Got Away

If you love someone you’re supposed to let them go, right? Let them fly away with their metaphorical wings while you sit in a canoe and pray that you find a paddle to wade through your own tears. I’ve heard a few alternate endings to this saying, the first one is that if they come back, it’s meant to be. The second one is that if they come back you should feel free to light them on fire.

Smokey the Bear probably disagrees with the safety hazard that option #2 proposes, but I think we can all agree that when someone you love leaves, it sucks.

But it’s also not always a someone. Sometimes it’s a something. The deli under our office left the block last year and we still haven’t recovered completely. Sometimes it’s a pair of shoes you wanted but never bought and then saw months later on the feet of someone else; maybe it’s the semi-affordable apartment in a fairly safe neighborhood (the home of your dreams!) that was snatched up by an income that made the landlord feel more comfortable.

Whatever it is for you — he/she/they/we/it/cat/blob — we want to know about The One That Got Away.

And if The One did come back…what ending did you choose?

All submissions should be ~500 words and submitted to write@manrepeller.com by Friday, October 24 at 12:00 PM EST. If you’re feeling particularly social or need inspiration, the hashtag is #mrwritersclub.

Original image via the Sunday Times Style Magazine

More Than a Mentor

Ears are gross, though.

This was my first thought. Actually my first thought was if I was standing an appropriate distance from the woman speaking to me — sometimes it’s hard to know in the midst of a collaborative effort (arms pointing, hands gesturing, eyes hinting) if you’re too far away or if you’ve crossed that I-can-smell-your-breath line, but the ear thing distracted me.

She was having the photographer get a tight shot. He was zoomed in close to the model’s head, snapping away while I watched the shots appear on the computer screen on a half second delay to the rapid flash of his camera. This was supposed to be my big byline debut with the words “Market Editor” printed in bold. Ears are so gross, I thought again.

The picture came out amazing.

Her point of view was often different than mine. Her references went over my head. She oversaw the smaller shoots I’d been given responsibility to handle — she oversaw everything visual, really — and inspired me to look at everything with my head tilted sideways or upside down, to ignore the obvious; to look for the more interesting angle that is always there.

I’ve been lucky to have numerous women throughout my career who were mentors, in addition to being bosses. Even during moments of being unhappy at my job (endless nights, early mornings, arguments with courier services) I had women with whom I connected, who guided me to the next point, who taught me something and above all, inspired.

One inspired fear. I don’t think fear and respect are synonymous, but fear will get you out of bed at 6:00 AM so that you’re in the office by 7. What respect will do is keep you there late, not for a pat on the back but to be the best intern she’s ever had.

One taught me the value of a team, and how sharing ideas — even the ones that sounded really dumb inside my head — could give an anecdote or a pitch a whole different shape.

One inspired me to write. She showed me that writing was not just a matter of just doing your job by putting facts on paper, then organizing them in a way that won’t get you sued. She taught me that writing was about telling a story, engaging an audience and having fun with words. And she taught me that it’s okay to agonize over the process so long as you basically want to make out with the finished product.

One mentor became a friend. She inspired me to take charge — not just of my assignments, but of my career. She encouraged me to explore what interested me, to challenge myself, to look at everything around me, to soak it up and write it down; to highlight things in yellow ink and tear out pages of magazines that caused me to pause, because if I paused, that meant something.

Each one of these women caused me to pause.

In partnership with Estée Lauder & Elle

Know Your Labels: Georgia Alice

Some of us wear clothes and some of us wear fashion.

Of course, it seems as though to wear fashion is to wear clothes, but there is a fine line to acknowledge when you’re getting dressed. Either you put on what makes you feel most like yourself (clothes), or you concede to wear what you think should look most like you (fashion).

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen of The Row come to mind immediately. Until a few years ago, they weren’t making fashion — they were making clothes. The quiet garments that women would use to cloak their bodies because they respect themselves and understand the necessity to quite literally feel unilateral luxury. Dries Van Noten comes up, too. You see it simply by going to his shop in Paris and observing the diversity of his clients. You might even find yourself trying on a blue double breasted blazer only to learn that it’s already been sold to the 65-year-old painter at the cash register.

Of course, it’s not a bad thing to make fashion. It’s art. And we need art. To escape and to live. But when the establishment of fashion has become so pronounced (and it has), when fast fashion collaborations are smacking us over the head and when trends are turning over faster than pancakes do at IHOP, it’s refreshing to temporarily remove yourself. To take a moment to discern the difference between the you who wears fashion and the you who wears clothes — trends vs. style, a face made up vs. one that has just woken up.

Georgia Alice, who launched her signature label in New Zealand for Fall 2012, understands the need for a reprieve.

“I started the label because I felt like I had something to say and something to create for women. It was born out of an idea of what I felt every woman needs in her wardrobe,” she says. These particular necessities include slouchy jeans, a white shirt and one “killer” blazer. When she launched the collection, it was comprised entirely of black, white and denim.

On designing, she says, “The start of every collection comes from building on the previous collection — pushing and pulling at existing silhouettes. I don’t like to work with a stringent theme, there are always factors that influence the direction of each range. For WAVES [her most recent collection], I was inspired by the Source Family cult, beach landscapes and the idea of social escapism. I also always design ‘looks’ as opposed to individual garments. I collect fabrics and draw at the same time so even though from the outside it can appear quite muddled, for me it all happens as a happy organic process.”

Of course, there are moments of frustration. Alice acknowledges that the design process can be “isolating” and “exhausting” but ultimately, too, that such is how any creative endeavor plays itself out. Of her own style, she observes that, “within every outfit, there should be something jarring or at least a clash — basically an element of interest. For example, if I were to wear a really sleek tuxedo suit, I would wear my hair extra messy and pair it with a chunky bangle or strappy shoe. Alternatively, if I were to wear some boyfriend jeans and a shirt, I would throw on a tuxedo blazer or vest over the top.”

I suppose it’s she who wears the clothes.

Alexander Wang x H&M: The Whole Shebang (Plus More Internet Shebang!)

First Complete Look at the Alexander Wang x H&M Collection

You’ve seen the campaign, now see the clothes. They’re in the slideshow above if you’re half asleep and are like, “Where?” The collection will launch on November 6th at 240 H&M stores worldwide and online — select pieces will also be available on Alexander Wang’s site in case you’re panicking already and need to know you’ll be able to get something.

In Other Cool Collaboration Nation News

Deena Aljuhani-Abdulaziz, the director and founder of the Middle Eastern boutique D’NA, has partnered with Designer Nathalie Trad to create a line of art deco-meets-WHAT-DO-I-HAVE-TO-DO-TO-GET-ONE-OF-THESE clutches exclusively for farfetch.com.

Lorde x The Hunger Games

Is it Collaboration Day or what? Lorde is responsible for putting together the entire soundtrack for the new Hunger Games movie, Mockingjay Part 1. Watch the new trailer below, along with her song “Yellow Flicker Beat,” riiight here:

Bill Murray 

He deserves his own headline, no? Here’s Bill, training for a marathon, in a tuxedo. [Late Show with David Letterman]

Break-It-Down Brad

Yeah, but can he do it in a tux? [People]

Last but not least because for some of you, tomorrow’s Pay Day! 

Or, as I prefer to call it: I Ignore My Credit Card Bills So It’s Like Monopoly Money Day!

You can now shop Derek Lam online, which is a big deal if you have an online shopping addiction and can’t get enough meticulously tailored suede or wide legged pants. You can’t, I can’t, we can’t. [Derek Lam]

At Least A Kind of A Girl

On Mon, Oct 6, 2014 at 3:56 PM, Mattie Kahn wrote:

As I can now imagine Lena Dunham herself might agree, I do next expect cultural commodities — books, least of all — to live up to their expectations. We can’t all be Elena Ferrante or David Fincher. These things tend to disappoint. Which is fine, or whatever, I guess. It means that I was prepared not to hate Not that Kind of Girl, but to be underwhelmed by it.

Turns out I wasn’t.

I am surprised to report that I thought the book was moving and resonant and important.

So, I’ve revealed myself. I loved it. Did you? If so, favorite essay? Least favorite essay? Cringe-iest moment? Most honest? Did you, too, laugh out loud at the “18 Unlikely Things I’ve Said Flirtatiously”? Did you bristle at her decision to paint her relationship with Jack Antonoff in only the broadest strokes? Because I did. It felt precious — at least to me. Finally, do you also really want to hang out with her parents? Because I do. They sound wise.

On Mon, Oct 13, 2014 at 5:16 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

You know what, specifically re: writing about her relationship with Jack? I think when you feel feelings that can’t be articulated, and try to articulate them because you’re a writer, there is a 0% chance that you won’t fall short. David Sedaris taught this to me with the matter-of-fact and deadpan portrayal of his mother’s death in several of his short essays. You just can’t write about the emotions that matter most while they matter most to you. That said, it was precious but only because it was platitudinal and that made me feel like there is a lot of love between them.

Overall, I enjoyed the book thoroughly. What’s interesting is that I felt like I would connect most resolutely with the work section but found that I was much more fascinated by and interested in the earlier stories — the one about her Internet boyfriend, Igor, who died? Did he ever even actually exist? And I think I know why, too. All these moments so clearly led to Lena Dunham becoming Lena Dunham so it was charming to see it unfold so honestly.

Something I’m still kind of fuzzy on, haven’t quite shook off and would love to hear from you on: the part about her being raped?

By the way, did you see the Daily Beast rip her a new asshole? I found that kind of uncalled for. This book is exactly what it should be. Entertaining, smart and an effusively welcome respite from the banalities that are living our own lives.

On Oct 13, 2014, at 7:42 PM, Mattie Kahn wrote:

It’s true. The more I think about the more I think it’s sort of unfair of me to demand that she lay it all out there because I want to know more. She doesn’t owe me an explanation of her relationship. I think I just bristled at her hint that there was so much that she wouldn’t share, which felt manipulative.

By comparison, the rest of the book seemed so completely and utterly honest. In fact, most of it read so “true-ly” that I was tempted (more than once) to just shut the thing and pretend the series of humiliations she endured had never ever happened ever (ever).

Re: Lena Dunham becoming Lena Dunham: There is nothing so pure and good and important as a woman telling her story in public. I think she actually says something to this effect, and it is so true. No person emerges into the world fully formed. Girls (Girls?) least of all.

I actually think that point ties in with at least how I personally understood the rape that she at first downplays and then later chronicles in painstaking detail.

(For those not in the know, Dunham makes light of an aggressive sexual episode in an early chapter in the book. Later, she relives it in more forthright prose. It turns out that it’s not a punchline at all. It’s rape.)

One of the most poignant scenes in the book to me is in the second telling of that episode. Dunham admits that she tries to pitch a version of the encounter as a storyline:

“Murray shakes his head. ‘I just don’t see rape being funny in any situation.’

‘Yeah,’ Bruce agrees. ‘It’s a tough one.’

‘But that’s the thing,’ I say. ‘No one knows if it’s a rape. It’s, like, a confusing situation that…’ I trail off.

‘But I’m sorry that happened to you,’ Jenni says. ‘I hate that.'”

It captures the reality that so many of us know too well — even in situations less dramatic and horrible and scarring than rape is: it’s easy for us to recognize and condemn the agony that the people we love experience. It is so much harder for us to accept and see our own suffering as it is. It reminded me how ungenerous we can be with ourselves.

Ok. On another note. I wonder whether I’ll reread Not that Kind of Girl. For reference, I crack open Bossypants, like, once a year. But I can’t yet imagine whether there are essays in this book that I’ll want to return to again and again. Do you think you will? Or is it Not that Kind of Book? (Heh heh. Don’t hate me.)

On Oct 14, 2014, at 5:38 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

So many puns. I think this might just come back to that initial point I’d made about writing feelings while you’re feeling them. What’s even harder is writing feelings while you can’t help but acknowledge all of the people who are going to be reading them. Does that make sense? Re: coming back to this book, I think definitely there are moments — very creative ones — that I’m going to want to read and reread over time. The lists specifically, and her series of e-mails she wishes she had sent to Mr. Blank and Blankie McBlankstein.

Overall, though, what were some of your deductions? Sweeping lessons learned, etc?

On Oct 14, 2014, at 8:24 PM, Mattie Kahn wrote:

It’s funny that you liked the Mr. Blank part! I had no idea what to make of that. Compared to the other asides (“18 Unlikely Things I’ve Said Flirtatiously”), it wasn’t my favorite but also because I didn’t know what to do with it.

I wonder if it resonated more for you because you are a professional already and can relate to wanting to air your grievances in public but are not able to.

AnyHOO! I thought that the book as a whole really validated her. Because she does so much on television and in magazines and with other people, it’s sort of easier to say that she’s more icon than real talent. I felt like the book changes that. Her talent is so obvious here. She does have such a resonant voice.

I’ve been trying really hard not to make the “voice of a generation” connection, but why fight it? She is one.

And also: I hope she keeps writing. I don’t know that I want to reread but I do know that I want more.

On Tue, Oct 14, 2014 at 8:54 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

It seems really validating, right? For a piece of lit to meet the expectations you’d put in place for it. I found the book funny and not cheesy and therefore cool (weird descriptive adjective but one I will use nonetheless). It also made me feel like this is what my book should have looked like. This reminded me that Girls is not a television show just anyone could have made. I feel like there’s been a lot of conversation around Dunham’s art and how seemingly simple it is. How any “millennial” with a vague understanding of her position in the larger cultural picture could do it (remember those Microsoft commercials? “I’m _______ and I invented Microsoft”), but the book reminded me that her genus of genius is embedded precisely in her ability to make you FEEL like it’s so simple a caveman (or you) could do it — which is motivating in its own right — but realistically speaking, it’s actually the brainchild of huge creativity that is almost extinct.

Question: did you expect anything or hope to get anything that you didn’t get from the book? I sort of liked that Girls was an aside which only provided further illustration for her stories, but I could see how some people may have wanted more re: television fame.

On Wed, Oct 15, 2014 at 10:15 AM, Mattie Kahn wrote:

It WAS cool, wasn’t it? Which is very unexpected given that she is so adamant about not being cool. It had the kind of polish and deliberateness (you know how much I love deliberateness) that always makes written work feel cool. Anyway, I agree.

I think I managed to go into reading it without expectations. Or at least, none that I was really aware of. I thought she handled talking about her “day job” pretty brilliantly, actually. One of my favorite memoirists of all time is Ruth Reichl, who wrote Tender at the Bone and was once the New York Times food critic and the editor in chief at Gourmet. I once heard her say that she only writes about things once she’s “done” with them, because that way she can be honest about her experiences. It’s too soon to know what Girls is going to become or how it’s going to factor into what I think we can agree is going to be a very long and interesting and “cool” career. It’s too early to tell.

You know, the more I think about it the more I feel like I need to take back my earlier criticism of how she wrote about her relationship with Jack. How can I expect her to have anything to say about something that she’s so in right now? Maybe in a few books we’ll get some more details.

But here’s the real question: Does the book make you more or less excited for the fourth season of Girls? Now that I’ve had a taste of what Dunham can do in prose, I sort of just want her to do more of that. Thoughts?

On Wed, Oct 15, 2014 at 11:52 AM, Leandra Medine wrote:

Supplementary word to describe your first graph and my wanting to call it cool: effortlessness. She is effortless because she is unapologetically and proudly herself. Re: her relationship, I think the supposition is that this could be “it” for her and so if that’s the case, she’ll always be in it. She just might develop the ability to honestly and shrewdly comment on the different phases of the relationship from other vantage points.

Very interesting question re: Girls. No, it didn’t excite me, but I also think that might be a good and deliberate thing. There is something to be said for how she can divorce one author from the other (though I know she has first class help as a television show writer) and even potentially offer the illusion that the writer of this non fiction work is different from the one who pens Girls. I think I’m impressed by it because it reminds me a bit of David Foster Wallace, who can approach both New England lobster (“Consider the Lobster”) and porn conventions in Vegas (“Big Red Son”) with the same critical eye, conviction and gusto but conversely, too, as though he is two different individuals with separate skill sets, ready to make like a fly and gently crawl up and down indigenous walls.

To wrap this, let’s talk chapter highs and lows.

High: “My Worst E-mail Ever with Footnotes” — because this is a shining example of her self deprecation used for good as opposed to evil, portrays her sense of humor when it is at its best and shows that she is a master of taking the quotidian things and making them interesting. This is tied with the chapter on death and dying, but that’s less critical and much more subjective because this is an issue I struggle with regularly, too.

Low: “This Is Supposed to Be Fun?” (Chapter about education) — namely because I skipped through it and came back to it twice.

On Wed, Oct 15, 2014 at 5:34 PM, Mattie Kahn wrote:

High: “Therapy & Me,” which I only read a little bit of when it was excerpted in the New Yorker because even the first few paragraphs were so good that I wanted to save the rest of it for when I had the whole book in my hands. She writes in such an elegant way about female friendship. She exactly captures the way I feel about my friends and the ends of the earth to which I would travel for them.

Honorable mention: “Acknowledgments,” because is there anything more voyeuristic and fun and tantalizing than imagining her correspondence and relationships with this crew of people?

Low: “What’s in my Bag,” which was the only portion of the book that to me felt like it was trying too hard. Nora Ephron’s meditation on finding the perfect bag is one of the great essays about accessories of all time. This seemed (eek!) badly or maybe only loosely imitative of it.

This was fun. What are we going to read/dissect/exult in next?

On Wed, Oct 15, 2014 at 5:34 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

Doesn’t Snookie have a book coming out soon?

Illustrations from Not That Kind of Girl by Joana Avillez

You Probably Know a Few Life Hacks, But What About Life-Niceties?

The other night at a family dinner, I heard Liam Hemsworth telling my boyfriend’s sixteen-year-old sister possible movie-times. I was jealous but not altogether surprised that Liam wanted to see The Best of Me.

Turns out, it wasn’t Liam Hemsworth. The mystery man was Siri, whose voice she had changed to sound like a similarly rugged Australian man. After coming to terms with the fact that I now have to ask “the youth” technology questions, I received instructions on how to pull off this magical feat. (We settled on an English accent so as not to confuse ourselves when both robots talk in the same room.)

To my Westchester-born, accent-less boyfriend’s chagrin, Siri has gotten in touch with her masculine side and reconnected to her British roots. Now, when I ask her to find the nearest dry cleaner or to email my mom, Jude Law helps me out.

Sometimes I say “Hi Siri” in the middle of the day to hear Jude’s voice. It’s a real pick me up.

I wouldn’t consider my new Downton Siri a life hack, per se, because hearing the gentle vocal styling of an English robot doesn’t make anything easier or more convenient, but it does make it better, dare I even say…further worth living.

Thus began my search for “luxury life hacks,” which resulted in not much more than long instructional videos on how to make my own soap. You know what I consider a luxury? Being able to buy ready-made soap and have all those extra hours to talk to Siri Jude Jeeves. I learned the (apparently classic) towels-on-the radiator trick, which involves nothing more than putting your towel on the radiator before you get into the shower. When you get out, you’re not only drying off but being embraced in a warm bear hug from a fairytale where your favorite stuffed animal is alive.

There are the real life hacks — learning how to get the exact amount of ketchup you want out of the bottle or how to keep wires from getting tangled might be more practical, but who wants practical when you can have life-niceties? In the interest of decadence, tell us: what are your not-so-practical life hacks? Do you think making grilled cheese with an iron is luxurious? Not using an actual frying pan definitely is. Maybe I should ask Siri.

Three Indie Movies to See This Weekend

What are you doing this weekend?

Are you seeing a movie?

You are!?

Such a weird coincidence. Here are three for you to consider.

Whiplash

Andrew Neyman (Miles Teller) is a freshman at the best music conservatory in the country. There, he meets Terrence Fletcher (J.K. Simmons) who “mentors” (read: terrorizes) the young jazz drummer. I saw this one yesterday and when I exited the theater, it was dead silent. There was no post-film murmuring; people were looking at each other stunned, speechless. I managed to get out a weak, “I have a lot of feelings,” while walking to the subway. Miles Teller, the goofy yet lovable frat boy can really act. He does his own drumming. You will be white-knuckling the armrest the whole film. Lump in your throat, honest-to-God-no-idea-what’s-going-to-happen-next tension. Look out for Fletcher’s tirade of insults, some of the most vulgar yet creative I’ve heard in a while, so horrible they become hilarious. Also, this movie raises very real questions about power, ambition, and genius, if the whole starring a cute actor thing isn’t enough of a draw.

Birdman 

Once famous for playing a superhero, now-irrelevant, over-the-hill actor Riggan Thomson (Michael Keaton!) stages a comeback via a Broadway play. Also, his family and personal relationships are a mess. And now, a list of reasons for you to part with $13 and see this: the director, Alejandro González Iñárritu (most known for 21 Grams, Babel, Biutiful), the awesome cast (Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis, Naomi Watts, Edward Norton) the awards buzz, the 93% Rotten Tomatoes score…

Dear White People

If “provocative racial relations satire” doesn’t essentially put the popcorn in your mouth, you should know it’s also very funny. Dear White People is a narrative about a group of black friends navigating life at a prestigious, mostly white university. It won the Sundance Film Festival’s Breakthrough Talent Award. Think of it as a movie-length version of one of Jessica Williams’ best Daily Show segments. Movies like this should be made, seen, and talked about. This stuff’s important.

SO: Which looks the best? What are you seeing this weekend? Call me on Sunday.

Button Down With Ya Bad Self

Never underestimate the power of a button down.

It is perhaps the most versatile wardrobe item you could own, what with its multidirectional buttons that allow you to declare that actually, you’re wearing a button up. The world can’t stop you. Can’t box you in.

A button down is the one piece of clothing that’s truly transitional. Save for a bra, nothing can take you from balmy summer days (rolled sleeves) to temperate fall, to being the layer underneath sweaters as the chill comes in, and then have the ability to retain its timeless charm while being worn on its own again once spring arrives. It never gets old, especially not as you begin undoing buttons like they’re the windows on an advent calendar leading all the way up to that first hot day, then you’ll roll up your sleeves and start again.

Button downs encourage sharing. Men express concern that what we may consider borrowing is essentially stealing, but no one ever told them that silk blouses were off limits, so really, that’s their problem. It’s also not our fault that denim and gingham is universally flattering.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

As Leandra brought up earlier, there’s about a million different ways to style them. The truly long ones can be worn like a tunic. They can make a fringed jacket look less thematic, and they can make an after-work drink more dramatic.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

They’re simple without being “basic,” classic without implying stuffy: a single shirt can be worn down to the belly button, secured with a pair of high waisted pants. Theoretically, you could wear one backwards. Yet somehow buttoning them right up to the neck — right to the very top button just over your throat — adds yet another type of edge. There’s something sexy and mysterious in deliberate concealment.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Some of the best people reached style icon status for their consistent wear of the button down; think Lauren Hutton, Karl Lagerfeld, Diane Keaton, cowboys, everyone who is French. But what’s amazing is that to wear a button down isn’t copying them (though whether you button up or down might be inspired by them) and this is because the beauty of the button down is everyone has one.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

You could never look at two people wearing the same button down and assume that one ripped off the other. I could never look at a friend in a button down and declare that she stole my look. And yet all of us — and this is nothing short of a miracle whipped into fabric — could look at ourselves in a button down shirt and declare with definitive, unwavering confidence that this button down is so very “me.”

When I Said Wear a Shirt Dress, This is What I Meant

On Monday, I tried to trick you into looking like me by suggesting that you take a white shirt dress (the kind that looks like an oxford blouse and not so much like a tea dress) and wear it with wide leg pants and a double breasted blazer. This outfit will make you feel like the most slender woman to ever walk the earth as it so graciously conceals all the shit you probably want concealed but also makes you feel cool. Cooler than, like, an Alaskan malamute or, I don’t know, Jourdan Dunn.

Now, because I am always keen on taking just the shell of my own advice (this is precisely why my hair has been exactly 2467 lengths since December 2012 but has never changed color), I wore this on Tuesday night:

As you can see, I eschewed wide pants in favor of black, slinky ones with a high waist that ties up to purportedly make me feel like I am a semi-professional boxer minus the strength plus a few inches of hair.

But that’s not even what’s important here. This is the exact Gap shirt dress that I was telling you about on Monday. Like I said, I cut the collar (it was Peter Pan-y but not in the way an Alexa Chung collar is — much more like an elaborate baby bib) and used the waist belt to tighten the dress by tying it behind the dress as opposed to in front of it. I left all the bottom buttons undone because even though two out of three times I will argue otherwise, I like to show a little bit of leg. But only when they’re covered.

Tying the shirt behind my back created a full frontal slit that could have supported a new-age, pornographically Angelina pop leg had I not warn pants. I layered a blazer over the shirt like I said I would and added a jazzy clutch because as far as I’m concerned, you haven’t lived until you’ve incorporated sequins into at least four out of your seven days a week.

Your turn.

Gap shirtdress, Rag and Bone blazer and pants, Manolo Blahnik heels, Roger Vivier clutch.  Photo courtesy of BFAnyc.

The Thought Process of Waking Up and Going to Work

7:03AM.

I can sleep for at least 50 more minutes.

I’m going to sleep for 52 just to prove a point.

7:31AM:

Okay, I’m up. My convictions never steer me in the direction I think they will. Last night’s dream was weird. A building on 18th Street that had a ground level Isabel Marant shop was blown up. I couldn’t get in touch with my mom. I should call my mom, she just got back from Florida. Did I take a probiotic last night? I am so gassy. Why is my mouth so dry?

Electric toothbrushes are so cool, this makes oral hygiene so much easier. What’s going up at 9AM this morning? Oh, Amelia’s Mindy Project review. That means I have the 11AM, which, by no coincidence at all, will catalogue precisely what I’m thinking right now. Is this considered performative art? I should probably get into the office by 9:30. What did I have for breakfast yesterday? I’m going to soak some chia seeds and put them in yogurt and call it pudding. Oh gosh, I hate myself.

I don’t feel like making the bed. Just once, I’d like to leave for work before Abie does so that he can be on pillow fluffing patrol. Let it be known: I do not like fluffing pillows.

It looks hot outside. I’m going to wear a skirt. I have been so amused by a-line skirts with socks and sneakers this month. Should I shoot this look for Office Apropos? Eh.

I think I’ll wear a tank top too. Should I work out? Nah. My hair is already oily, sweat will make shit so much harder on my scalp. Oh! I wonder if I have any Klorane dry shampoo left. Let me get the hot water running.

I wonder what will happen if I throw ginger and carrots into a blender. This skirt would look much cooler with my leopard print sneakers. Should I take heels for that event tonight? Yeah, I’ll put them in my backpack.

8:57AM: Chia seed coconut yogurt was a much better idea in theory than it was in practice. I think this needs cinnamon or something. I will tell everyone it was delicious regardless.

How soon is too soon to start thinking about imbibing? I should have gone to that dance cardio class this morning. Did I e-mail Hannah about being featured on the site? Shit, I have to fill that prescription before Friday.

The new issue of NY Mag has been staring at me since it landed at my doorstep a week ago. Do I have to leave the office at any point today? Should I take it to read on the subway? Am I the only human who finds reading on the subway difficult? So much more fun to peek over the shoulders of co-riders and see what they’re reading. Except that one guy, clearly on his way to his bank job at J.P. Morgan reading about sports. That is no fun at all.

9:23AM: Where the f-bomb are my Isabel Marant sneakers? Should I just wear boots? It’s going to rain today. I kind of feel like eggs now. Should I grab eggs before going to work?

9:32AM: FYI, my sneakers were in a backpack I have not used in two weeks. Securely fastened to my feet, they’re ready to take me places. Wallet? Check. Keys? Check. Cell phone?

Where is my phone?

Fuck.

9:41AM: FYI pt. 11: It was INSIDE the freezer. I must have left it there when I pulled out a Medjool date this morning. Do you freeze your dates? I wonder if anyone else freezes their dates. Does anyone else eat dates? Okay, I should go.

Where should I get my coffee? I feel like this shouldn’t be such a struggle every morning considering the guide we put together last August. I don’t like Gasoline Alley so much anymore. Organic Avenue? It’s not strong enough. I love the dirty hazelnut brew from Han’s deli but they don’t have any form of non-dairy — what’s the worst that can happen from a tiny serving of skim milk? I’m going to Han’s. YOLO.

Shit, it is hot. I did not need this blazer. Is it going to rain? I didn’t bring an umbrella. I hope there’s one at the office.

9:52AM: This coffee is so good.

9:54AM: Uh, where are my keys?

FUCK, I forgot to get a photocopy of my passport for my Australian visa. When will I have time to do that later?

Oh, thank goodness this guy is here to open the door. Okay, cool. I have an hour to get this story together. I think I can do it. Let me just see what’s up on Net-a-Porter first. They refresh their product selection on Wednesdays and I have a gift card and oh, that’s a cool cape! NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS?

What about Matches? What’s up on Matches?

Leandra, you need to buckle down. This story is going up in 49 minutes. Start writing. 84 e-mails? That’s dramatic. Let me see how Amelia is feeling. She looks a little stabby.

Via G-chat: “I had a clothing and body breakdown this morning.”

Okay, I’ll catch her later.

“It is 7:03AM.” — No, that’s not right. I feel like these thought process stories always start first thing in the morning. They shouldn’t be mistaken for morning meditations.

Why hasn’t my mom texted me back yet? Let me just take a quick glance at my phone to see if she’s read it.

That picture got 4,585 likes on my personal Instagram account? Why? I’m hungry again. I’m gonna go get eggs once I finish with this story. How are people liking Amelia’s Mindy Project recap?

2 comments. That’s it? WTF.

Okay, I need to buckle down. BUCKLE DOWN, LEANDRA. Buck. Le.

Oh, there’s my mom calling, I have to take this. Brb.