Leandra Medine's Blog, page 69
November 4, 2019
Unconventional Life Hack: Strike Up Friendships in the Bathroom
But here’s a hot take: Synced up bowels are an opportunity! Why should the bathroom constitute a lawless territory where niceties are dropped as quickly as the underwear pooling around your ankles? I’d argue there’s no better place to get to know someone. When else will you have the chance to approach a peer, report, or supervisor in such a partisan manner? Allow the pants-down vulnerability to make way for actual human connection, I say. And once you walk out that door and back into your respective bullpens, at the very least, you’ll always have the bathroom.
I came to this epiphany—that is, the social potential of work toilets—upon starting a job and learning my new work environment, while supportive and encouraging, was startlingly silent. An extrovert with a propensity for verbal jousting, I began craving trivial banter, yearning to laugh a little too loudly at a joke that wasn’t even meant for me. So I started retreating to the restroom as not only a form of literal release, but as a form of emotional release. It was there that I started striking up conversations with unsuspecting cohorts. What I didn’t expect was for this effort to swiftly transform my work friendships overnight. Suddenly I knew everyone on my floor by name and occupation. Soon I became the most popular gal at the potty, the jester of the john, and so on and so forth.
Behold, my unconventional life hack of choice: Making friends in the bathroom.
Bathroom Tip #1: When You’re Ready To Establish an Office Relationship…
Use a bathroom run-in as an excuse to shower your coworker with compliments. If you’re me, you’ll tell her you love her shoes. Then you’ll ask her where she got them and if she’d buy them again, knowing what she knows now. And every time you cross paths (and streams) after that, you’ll ask about the shoes. And when she wears new ones, you’ll wonder aloud if the old shoes are jealous. You’ll repeat this joke one to four times until she’s charmed by your commitment to it and lets out a laugh. You’ll rejoice in this victory then buy her a coffee.
(In your case, any compliment will do.)
Bathroom Tip #2: When You Have a Meet-Cute With Your Manager…
Acknowledge it! Every time you open the bathroom door with the intention of exiting and come face-to-face with your entering manager, her boss, or some other form of superior being, don’t just hold the door open for them—take it one step further by making a tasteful joke. A few winners I’ve tried in the past include: “Fancy seeing you here,” or “You’re here, too? What are the odds!” or “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” or my personal favorite, “I’ve been waiting for you!” (Too far?) Of course, a short, to-the-point “M’lady” can do the trick with so few words. Bonus points if you add in a curtsy. I guarantee that she’ll never forget who you are, and after a few choice encounters, she might even describe you as having “good energy.”
Bathroom Tip #3: When You’re Caught (Perhaps Literally) Red-Handed…
Own it outright. If someone you only sort of know walks in on you doing something semi-embarrassing (taking a mirror selfie, lifting your shirt to check for period bloat, flossing your teeth with an index card), better to own it than freeze and slink away in silent shame. For me, this often takes the form of an enchanting long-winded backstory, replete with self-deprecation and new avenues for connection. I say make this an interactive experience from start to finish.
Other fool-proof work bathroom maneuvers include:
-Calling out into the abyss in search of toilet paper or tampons.
-Making a joke about the automatic soap dispensers (“They treat me like I’m invisible… just like my cat”).
-Asking nobody in particular, “Is it just me, or is the lighting in here incredible?”
-Turning to the stranger next to you and exclaiming, “I almost wore that today! Let’s coordinate better next time.”
What does your workplace bathroom behavior look like? Do you shy away from engaging with your coworkers or do you extend an olive branch in the form of a loose piece of paper towel? Jokes aside, I urge you to do the latter, because at the end of the day, going to a public bathroom is already shitty enough.
Graphic by Coco Lashar
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Office Apropos: 4 Outfits for a Crisp Fall Monday
Controversial opinion: I love Mondays. They’re the one day of the week my laundry is (usually) all done, my fridge is appropriately stocked with baby spinach and oat milk, and my body and mind are rested from consecutive Saturday and Sunday 9:30 a.m. sleep-ins. It’s the day of the week I feel freshest and usually get the most done. And this Monday is even more exciting than usual, because it brings with it a new batch of MR team members sharing their fall Office Apropos outfits. Below, see what Harling, Amalie, Jasmin, and Maggie wore on a cloudy 61-degree Monday.
(Oh, and you can see last week’s Office Apropos editions here.)
Harling
On Mondays I feel like my brain and therefore my outfit brainstorming potential are wiped clean and ripe for a wider range of possibilities, which is probably why I gravitated toward this Tory Burch set that I recently had tailored. I love it so much I think I’ve been hesitant to wear it (I’m a top offender of “outfit saving”), but my start-of-the-week mentality convinced me to take the plunge. Ultimately, it felt like the perfect way to kick off #stickofbutter season–and I’m already thinking about how to style it during the winter with a turtleneck underneath–but the shoe styling needs some work. These clogs were a last-minute decision forced by the fact that I was running late for work, and I’m not satisfied with how they looked. At the same time, I’m not sure what would be the right footwear for this get-up. Maybe a combat boot? Or something with a heel? Please advise.
Amalie
Waking up this morning was like pulling my body out from wet concrete, but that’s okay because I made it to the office and this outfit did not expire by 3 p.m.!!! The denim is just the right amount of stretch to not develop what one commenter called “elephant knees” (I haven’t been the same since hearing this), and the sweater and leather blazer combo were the perfect weight to not develop pit smells. I felt very lucky all day, especially when I ate a whole burrito in the comfort of an office phone booth.
Jasmin
Today I woke up at 5 a.m. feeling extremely tired but unable to go back to sleep, so a full monochrome outfit was my lazy but still rather put-together approach. I haven’t worn these sneakers in ages and I’m not sure what prompted me to today. I do love this jacket though, I just got it on a recent trip to Mexico City and am currently wearing it at any excuse. Anyway, I had one casual client meeting today and a handful of internals and then met a friend in the evening. Thrilling, I know.
Maggie
Is it gonna be cold today? Weirdly hot? I’ve given up trying to decide, so I went with the “I’m probably gonna be cold option.” Between the commute, the late afternoon burst of heat, the loose-fitting pants, and the surprisingly warm fabric of this shirt, I turned out fine. Go figure. This shirt was a lucky find at our Object Limited closet sale the other week and I think I’ve styled it, like, five different ways—each one being a winner. I do like it best with these oversized, low waisted pants (I bought them three sizes too big) because the shirt is just so “I’m put together” that I needed to rough it up a bit. Because I am, in fact, not so “put together.”
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November 1, 2019
How to Seal a New Adult Friendship in 5 Steps
Below, the winner of October’s Writers Club prompt: The 5 stages of locking down a new friend.
“We’ll have a séance . . . I’ll bring the sage!”
The words soothed me like a spell. I had recently moved to a new city and the only prospect more terrifying than being haunted by a ghost was blowing my chances at a friendship with the only person I clicked with. Her nonchalant reaction to my insistence that I’d “sensed” a presence in my room quelled both fears at once. Now that I had a real friend in the city, the idea of lodging with a vengeful spirit didn’t sound so scary.
Every adult friendship has a moment that seals the deal like a spit-soaked handshake. This was ours. Confirming the suspicion that we were in fact just as nutty as each other, we leveled up from friendly acquaintances to well-acquainted friends.
From the five love languages to the five stages of grief, five is a magic number where capturing the human experience is concerned. So if the steps to friendship are five, this seismic moment of mutual recognition is the fifth. It’s the threshold that, in years to come, you’ll point back to saying, “That’s where it all began!” But actually it isn’t. It began four steps before that.
The first step is so effortless you might not even catch it. It’s the flicker of potential, the glimmer of possibility that in a world where you meet so many people you don’t vibe with, you’ve met someone with whom you do. And once they’re blinking steadily on your radar, you advance to the second step: transmitting and receiving signals of interest. Maybe it starts with an Instagram follow then progresses to the occasional DM or maybe it starts with a break room run-in and progresses to break room loitering, but usually, it ends with a casual friend date.
Many friendships linger on this step forever. That’s okay; they’re not all supposed to reach the top.
Whether it’s a Kim K-esque ugly cry or letting a fart slip mid-laugh, next comes an uncensored expression of unbridled emotion. It puts cracks in your public-facing veneer and then binds them with glue, bonding you closer together. And while this third step pushes boundaries, the fourth tears them down. Be it telling a secret, confessing a taboo dream, or asking if you have something between your teeth, it’s a deliberate act of putting yourself out there to be judged in the hope that you won’t be.
Only once you’ve ascended those first four steps do you finally reach the fifth. It’s the one that’s most varied from person to person. Mine looked like the opening scene of a Netflix Halloween special, yours likely won’t. But when you reach the top, you’ll know. That’s when you realize they weren’t just steps, but a stoop. Five stairs leading to a new house of shared affections, built with shared memes, spilled secrets, and small leaps of faith—one you’ll treat with care. Because trying to make a new friend may feel like climbing stairs, but succeeding feels like coming home.
Graphic by Dasha Faires.
The post How to Seal a New Adult Friendship in 5 Steps appeared first on Man Repeller.
November’s Theme Is Adult Friendship—What Do You Want to Read?
“Adult friendship”—wanting it, cherishing it, navigating the complexities of it—has been a fixation, directly and indirectly, on Man Repeller since the early days. This is true for a lot of websites that cater to women’s interests, but Man Repeller takes it to another level. Whenever I’m asked to point to something that makes this website different from the others, the thing I point to is Jenna Birch’s essay “A Case for Trying (Really) Hard to Make Friends as an Adult” in which the comments were exuberantly transformed into a message board for community members who wanted to hang out in real life. (Maybe you were part of it?) I think that post, and how it took on a life of its own, is one of the best examples of Good Internet I’ve ever seen. It was a moment when people collectively harnessed the technology that has in many ways made us lonelier to make it more like what we were promised it would be. Even looking back at those comments now, nearly two years later, fills me with optimism and other fuzzy emotions.
But making new friends as an adult is not always such a jubilant endeavor. And why is that? We’re born knowing how to make friends in the most basic sense. When do we forget it?
The “making” friends part isn’t even the half of it, of course. And the next leg of the relationship process, I think, is where adult friendship diverges from the friendships we had as kids. As adults, our lives actually begin to conspire against friendship. This is for the simple reason that adult friendships have to contend with the stuff of adulthood—career, family, and other random administrative duties that are too boring to list here. But even though our lives are fuller, we don’t need friendship any less. Don’t believe me? Ask a trusted adult. But I doubt you need to.
So, this month we’ll be exploring many aspects of adult friendship. Including, but absolutely not limited to:
-Making new friends (in group chats and public restrooms)
-How to avoid a friend breakup (and what to do if it’s already happened)
-Friends who are (or seem to be) polar opposites
-Teen friendships in the digital age
-Fictitious friends, ranked (why not?)
As for that “absolutely not limited to” part… we want to know what you want to read and discuss ad ad nauseam. Let us know in the comments, would you?
Graphic by Coco Lashar
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Which Words or Phrases Did You Misunderstand Until Late in Life?
In the children’s book Ramona the Pest, there’s a passage in which the protagonist misinterprets the “Star Spangled Banner” lyric “dawn’s early light” as danzer lee light and concludes that “danzer” is another word for “lamp.” I recalled it fondly a few days ago when I discovered–to my endless delight–that my mom thought Heimlich maneuver was pronounced Heimlich remover, and has been saying it that way for 57 years.
The phenomenon of misunderstanding a word or phrase and subsequently mispronouncing it well into adulthood is universal and, in my humble opinion, universally hilarious, not only because almost everyone can relate, but also because the initial misunderstanding is often rooted in innocent childhood logic. Heimlich remover makes complete sense! So does pronouncing Hermione Granger as “Hermie-won” Granger, which is precisely how I said her name until the Harry Potter movies came out in 2001.
When I brought up this topic during a recent meeting at work, my colleagues were quick to chime in with their own examples:
“I used to pronounce wunderkind as if it were a compound word of ‘wonder’ and ‘kind’—rhyming with ‘mind,'” said Haley. “When I learned its pronunciation was much more German than that (rhyming with ‘pinned’), every existential crisis from my twenties about not being one flashed through my head.”
“I pronounced the word ‘assuage’–which I learned from a thesaurus when I was in high school and trying to make my writing sound more legit–as ‘ass-ooo-ahj’ until I was recording the audio version of my book in 2012,” said Leandra. “The audio engineer finally cut me off around the end of the recording to ask what assoooahj meant because he was reading uh-swayj. Had to re-record the 16 sentences that contained that word.”
“‘The ghost is clear!’ instead of ‘The coast is clear,'” said Sabrina. “Still makes sense though.”
“I thought the hiking term ‘rock scramble’ or ‘scrambling’ was ‘scrabble’ until maybe a month ago,” said Amalie. “Also: One of my good friends who works in fashion has always said the word ‘accessories’ as ‘uh-sess-ories’ and I one day said to her (with love): ‘You do know it’s ack-cess-ories, right?’ She had no clue. Super cute.”
“This is highly embarrassing,” said Crystal, “but when quinoa first hit the scene in the U.S., I pronounced it ‘key-know-ah’ until my friend almost melted into a pile when I ordered it at a restaurant that way (I was swiftly and embarrassingly corrected.)”
“I thought cuff links were ‘cufflings’ until a few years ago,” said Jasmin.
Have you had a late-in-life pronunciation revelation? Please (PLEASE!!!!!) share in the comments. I can’t wait to spend my entire lunch break reading them.
Graphic by Coco Lashar
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Office Apropos: 5 Outfits for When It’s Only 66 Degrees but Humid as Hell
What did you wear the last time you got your teeth cleaned? (Can you even remember?) What about the last time you had an ear ache? (Were you, like me, five years old?!) Below, Leandra and Haley answer these questions—and everyone else shares equally thrilling anecdotes about their wardrobe decisions on this 64-degree day.
P.S. In case you missed it: We’re publishing our fall 2019 edition of Office Apropos one day at a time. Here’s Monday, here’s Tuesday, here’s Wednesday, and here’s Thursday!
Leandra
On tap for me this Friday: a teeth cleaning in midtown, a breakfast meeting in Soho, a photo shoot at the office, a brainstorm (also at the office), and a forecast that predicted mist and lukewarm weather. I left home in jeans, a black sweater, and white slides but went home in what you’re looking at—sweatpants, or “joggers” as the Mango website calls them, a long sleeve navy blue v-neck (it was under my sweater), gray socks to catch the sweatpants, and these suede wedges, which remind me of myself, like, 10 years ago. I’ve been having a good time revisiting her, she says I don’t wear enough color tho.
Crystal
My best friend Sharrica and I have a weekly Facetime date, so she’s making a guest appearance on this fine Friday! Also making a guest appearance is my favorite velvet duster that I found in a thrift shop in Massachusetts. It was a whole $12, because the shop keep, Peggy, was closing her store and was basically giving away everything. It’s my new prized possession. You can put this thang on with a potato sack and feel chic, hence the rest of this outfit being decidedly sloppy. Also, my fave padded pants are back in rotation now that Summer has decided to peace out!
Haley
I wasn’t feeling well on this day (I was diagnosed with double ear infections the night before), but I decided to go into the office anyway since I had therapy in the city in the afternoon. This outfit came together like one of those toys where the top and pants and shoes keep changing until the right combination hits. I started out wearing a white t-shirt and dark green leather pants, but wasn’t feeling the contrast, so switched to a darker t-shirt—this one is my boyfriend’s, who is from Detroit—at which point the pants felt off, so I switched to a navy pair. I liked how the cream coat offset the navy and how the white sneakers clashed with the cream, so those were easier. Still, why did such a simple outfit take so much effort? I blame my ears.
Elizabeth
It happens to be that I very rarely find myself in jeans. It’s not that I don’t like them, I just don’t exactly feel like myself in them. (I’m more of a shorts person all year round, can you tell from this week?) That being said, these Moussy jeans (this style is on sale on Shopbop for $105)–which you’ve seen versions of on Man Repeller many times–are comfy, kind of like a pair of track pants. I don’t really have to worry about where they hug my body because I sized up and they fit relaxed and loose (but if you want a tight pair of comfy jeans I actually do love these by Citizens of Humanity). And have you heard of the knitwear brand NADAAM? That’s who makes my cardi-dress. NADAAM is a brand of sustainably made and reasonably priced knitwear that I can confirm is soft and easy to clean. I have the matching bottoms to this cardi-dress, which I was tempted to wear but had a couple of market appointments and didn’t fully want to appear in loungewear. HOWEVER, because it was Friday, when meetings were done, I promise you I brought those pants in this oversized tote and changed into them for a relaxed Friday work afternoon.
Patty
Big toucan fan, what can I say?
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October 31, 2019
I Really, Really Hope You Don’t Neglect These 4 New Emojis
Fabulous news! On Monday, iOS 13.1.4.1.5.9 (or something like that) (is that pi) came out with a whole new crop of emojis. And among the big wins—gender non-conforming emojis and able-inclusive emojis—were a series of small wins, too: waffles, a flamingo, a hatchet (?), one oyster. After every emoji update, I find there tends to be a charming handful that go underappreciated (the tooth, the raccoon, the microbe!!!). And since assigning arbitrary meanings to strange emojis is the spice of my life, I’m here to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Below, four sweet, new emojis deserving of the digital limelight:
#1: The MerPerson of My Dreams, Just in Time for Cuffing Season
We’re in the thick of cuffing season but, as a member of the counterculture, I was recently un-cuffed. I’m now looking forward to finding the perfect gender-neutral merperson with whom to pair off for the cold season. Did anyone else watch Splash, Aquamarine, and The Thirteenth Year too much growing up? Or read The Rainbow Fish too many times??? IDK, there’s just something about elegant fish-tailed, soft-skinned creatures that makes me want to take them out to a romantic vegetarian dinner in a fishtank. Is this really just me? Fellow freaks (and that is a compliment, I mean it): Find me in the comments. The merperson emoji means: Hottie McHots.
Use Cases:
*just saw beautiful person in the street*
Me, to friend: “Can’t believe I just laid eyes on a [sexy merperson emoji] IRL”
*Heading out to a Friendsgiving bearing brown-sugar glazed yams*
Me, to Mom: “Hope I find my [sexy merperson emoji] tonight over brussels sprouts.”
#2: The Perfect Garlic Bulb
Do you even know how long. I have waited. For a garlic emoji? A long time. And now here it is, in all its bulbous (c)loveliness, just in time for stew/soup/rich-food season: a provocative mauve and creamy white with hints of the perfect fat cloves that lie therein. Sweet Dolly Parton, is there anything better than garlic?? Almost 10 times out of 10 when people smell something delicious and say “Is that a grilled cheese?” it is not; it is either sautéed garlic or onion. (I can’t get started on the onion emoji, but check back for my debut novel). The garlic emoji means: anything that is delicious.
Use Cases:
Mom: “Are you meal-prepping today?”
Me: [Garlic emoji]
Mom: *Texts back six more questions and reacts with the heart to my previous four texts.*
Friend: Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?
Me: [Garlic emoji]
Friend: Thanks for your input.
#3: The Trio of Unseasonal Swimwear Emojis
IDK what the emoji-sphere was thinking coming out with a trio of hot-to-trot swimwear emojis after the salad days of summer. Perhaps they were catering to the entire other hemisphere that is transitioning into warmer weather but…the cruelty! Needling us northern hemisphereans with memories of warm, sun-soaked days, replaced for the next seven months by slush? Did I really need a reminder that I didn’t go in on those mid-November tickets to Costa Rica with my ex? In any case, the suits have arrived and I plan to find a medley of inappropriate times to use all of them. The swimwear emojis mean: Who. Even. Knows.
Use Cases:
Sext: Oh yeah? What are you wearing
Me: [swim trunks emoji]
My roommate: We should paint the cabinets this weekend!
5 hours later
Me: [speedo emoji]
My dentist: Appointment reminder: You have an appointment with Ensure Dental on Friday, November 7th.
Me: Cool [one piece emoji]
#4: The Sloth Emoji
The first time I saw this guy I had to zoom in on his face because nothing is better than zooming in on an emoji.
I’m really pleased I did, because I realized this sloth emoji is one judgmental little shit. I fully believe that this is the animal equivalent of the slightly smiling emoji. Just TRY to tell me you don’t see the disdain in his Mona Lisa smile. You bet I’m going to use this emoji exactly where it needs to be used… The sloth emoji means: I’m listening, but I don’t appreciate hearing this right now.
Use Cases:
Roommate: Hey! Do you mind taking out the trash and running the dishwasher?
Me: [Sloth emoji]
Me: Sure
Mom: I know you haven’t sent off that gift yet for your cousin. You have to send that off today.
Me: Yes, I’m on it
Mom: I mean it, you can’t put that off anymore.
Me: [Sloth emoji]
Mom: *Loves sloth emoji*
Mom: Aww
In addition to the above, I encourage using the safety vest exclusively when talking about “Safety Dance.” I encourage using the golf cart to express “I’ve gone off the rails.” The stick of butter? Only when you’re talking about @harlingross, sorry.
Are you married to any emoji in particular? Me and the squid are betrothed, but obviously in an open relationship. Let me know yours below.
Graphic by Dasha Faires. Images via emojipedia.org.
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This New Show About Couples Therapy Will Hook You, Then Give You Hope
When my boyfriend and I started watching Couples Therapy, a new series from Showtime that follows a therapist and her rotating cast of patients, we couldn’t stop talking about the acting.
“Every one of these people deserves an Oscar!” I screamed as a women expressed her dissatisfaction with an awkward smile. “This is unsettlingly real,” Avi said when a fighting couple sat in a loaded silence. By episode two, we were in such disbelief at the stomach-turning reality of it that we Googled the show, only to learn that it was a docuseries following real couples, and wasn’t scripted at all.
Turns out the only thing more shocking than thinking it was a work of fiction was learning it wasn’t. The palpable discomfort, the casual vulnerability, the artful camera work—it wasn’t like any reality TV I’d ever seen.
Couples Therapy follows four couples as they receive counsel from Dr. Orna Guralnik over the course of six months. At the outset, their issues range from tricky (differing brunch opinions, clashing communication styles) to dire (an alarming difference in world views, an untenable lack of trust), and nearly everyone comes with an agenda: to get Dr. Guralnik to agree with their perspective. But this quickly changes. As Margaret Lyons put it in her rave review of the show for the Times, “After 40 seconds, I was positive every couple featured on the show should break up. After all nine half-hour episodes, I’m less sure.”
Sarah and Lauren have been married for two years. They decide to seek out couples counseling due to a disagreement on when to have children—a decision that sounds tactical, but ultimately reveals a more fundamental divide.This evolution is important. Since there’s not a lot in the way of narrative arc—each episode depicts the same people discussing the same problems in the same room—the drama exists primarily in the emotional realm. In this respect, the show over-delivers. Every time the self-assured Elaine, for instance, was struck dumb by a wise observation of Dr. Guralnik’s, the breakthrough felt like my own. If you’ve ever been to therapy yourself, you’ll recognize the feeling. By which I mean: There’s more to the show’s appeal than schadenfreude. Even if you don’t relate to the couples’ specific problems, seeing them through Dr. Guralnik’s eyes might help you reframe some of your own.
In that sense the premise of the show is plainly ambitious, but what makes Couples Therapy particularly astonishing is how the participants betray no trace of awareness of the cameras—a quality that may sound banal until you witness it yourself. My and Avi’s shock at the couples being real was a direct response to the distorted version of “real” life we’ve come to expect from reality TV. When that’s replaced with behavior that’s genuinely true to life, it’s striking.
I later learned the authenticity of the show is owed to the production setup: Since Dr. Guralnik’s office was too small for filming, it was rebuilt on a hyper-realistic soundstage, outfitted with 360 degrees of reciprocal mirrors. “We created an office where the cameras actually were concealed behind one-way glass,” co-producer Josh Kriegman told Vulture. “[Participants] could come in, sit in the waiting room, do an hour session with Orna, leave, and never once interact with any element of production or see a camera.” One couple confirmed they completely forgot they were being filmed, which I had no doubts about while watching, sometimes to an unsettling degree.
Married for 23 years, Annie and Mau are at a complicated crossroads: They love each other, but they’re not sure they like each other anymore. They’ve seen several therapists together, but Dr. Guralnik is the first one they’ve managed to stick with.But perhaps surprisingly, Couples Therapy never feels dramatized or exploitative, and a sense of goodwill and intention runs through the filming and editing of the show, which seems invested in offering viewers a genuine glimpse into therapy. Watching Dr. Guralnik work is a crash course in radical empathy (at times Avi and I could barely hear her respond compassionately over our shouted accusations of psychopathy*)—and also in understanding the psychological undertaking of providing therapy. In brief sessions filmed with her own counselor, Dr. Guralnik seems crushed by the weight of her responsibility.
Not typically ones to binge, Avi and I finished all nine episodes in a few days. And when I came into work still reeling, I was comforted to find fellow zealots in Amalie and Mallory, neither of whom could shut up about it either. Couples Therapy can offer a lot of things to a lot of people, not least of which is a humbling reminder that people and relationships are far more complicated than we often give them credit for. But I think it’s particularly intoxicating for a certain type of person. If you’ve ever passed a couple fighting on the street and secretly wished you could stop to listen, or envied a fly on the wall of strangers’ day-to-day lives (two of my perversions of choice), heed my enthusiasm wisely, because this show expertly tackles both, with better cinematography than us voyeurs deserve.
*for those who have watched, this is a Mau subtweet
Images courtesy of Showtime.
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Office Apropos: 5 Outfits for a Positively Balmy October Day
It’s officially Thursday and that means it’s time to pet something soft and/or alive, then share, discuss, and unpack what Leandra, Crystal, Haley, Eliz, and Patty wore to work last week when it was a balmy 66 degrees. There’s a fringe jacket! A tie-dye sock! A love letter to a sweater! What more could you want? Meet you at the bottom of this hot fudge autumnal sundae.
P.S. In case you missed it: We’re publishing our fall 2019 edition of Office Apropos one day at a time. Here’s Monday here’s Tuesday and here’s Wednesday!
Leandra
So I do this thing where when I have an outfit idea, I write it out as a note in my iPhone and over time, a list of hundreds of outfit descriptions have piled up (I can show it to you if you’d like, but it’s probably not super legible). I tell myself I’ll use it when I’m tired or in a rush or just can’t think straight but it’s rare that I ever actually consult the note. For some reason, having it offers me a curious sense of certainty or security or something, and as fare would have it, this morning, because I was in a rush, and pretty tired, AND kind of couldn’t think straight, I did use it! To my chagrin, however, the outfit I’m wearing wasn’t catalogged. I thought about putting on a plaid skirt by Tory Burch with a navy blue sweater and shin-length grey socks with black suede wedge sandals but remembered that I have a triad of meetings uptown from 1 to 3, so instead put on what I have assumed as my transition-to-Fall uniform: this suede jacket with ripped jeans and — October 24th coming in hot! — flip flops.
Crystal
Okay, so after a week full of questionable comfy clothes, I felt like I needed to get a little (JUST a little) structure in my life. I decided to go with my Haley Nahman starter kit outfit. Slacks with a high break, good socks and sturdy shoes. I topped it with a hoodie and a heavier jacket and have been sweating since Nostrand Avenue, but i just can’t get this weather situation. Haley approved, so all is right in the world.
Haley
I’m obsessed with this puffer coat. It’s from the Uniqlo x J.W. Anderson collection and I’m not even sure it’s cold enough to wear it today but I did it anyway. Truth be told I feel horrible today. I think I have a sinus infection? So I opted for comfort over anything. I took some cues from Harling with this shoe/pant pairing (she’s been wearing something similar a lot this fall and it looks GOOD), and went for my new comfort object known as this black sweater (I told you I’ve been wearing it a lot). Plans today? To push through some important deadlines and meetings then go to the doctor and burrow under my duvet.
Elizabeth
This outfit was born mid-summer when I found this sweater on — you guessed it — Etsy and plopped it in my cart waiting for the days to get cooler and for it to be worth the purchase. Months later, nobody had yet searched “Chunky fair isle large collar grey cardigan” apparently, and it was mine! The cardigan was warm enough to wear as my outerlayer because it wasn’t too cold today. Hence the denim shorts that are just barely peaking out there. I fulfilled my loafer dreams from 2 days ago with these new Labucq loafers I got at their recent pop up in NoLiTa. They passed The Bridge Test*! This is my favorite silhouette — chunky sweater, no pants, and statement shoes.
*Bridge Test is when I walk the bridge to work in said shoes.
Patty
My great grandfather immigrated to New York from Pietracupa, Italy in 1921 when he was 20 years old, lived on Spring Street, and eventually opened up a custom suit shop on 5th avenue. Pictures of my dad and his siblings growing up are hilarious because for any special occasion these youths would be outfitted to the nines in hand-made Italian finery. Anywho, I share this Carnevale family lore because this is the FIRST Italian suit that I’ve ever owned and I get the hype. I do.
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The post Office Apropos: 5 Outfits for a Positively Balmy October Day appeared first on Man Repeller.
1 Underrated Katie Holmes Vehicle—& 15 More Movies to Watch Now
Katie Noelle Holmes has been running around New York City flaunting not only my most coveted pair of trousers, but their matching plaid Khaite coat, which I keep checking online over and over again just in case that $2,800 price tag decides to drop a zero. Yes, Katie Holmes (henceforth known as Khaitie Holmes) is currently having a style moment—and we’re all here for it. But let’s rewind back to a less glamorous time (2003), in a less glamorous New York, when Ms. Holmes starred in a movie I long avoided because its cover made it look like a very bad indie rom-com (I know, I’m sorry, I judged by a cover!) until my roommate Wilder made me watch it last year as part of his Thanksgiving tradition. And wow… my preconceptions were proven so wrong.
Listen, 2003 was a dicey sartorial time for a lot of us….Pieces of April, directed by none other than Peter Hedges (a.k.a. LUCAS HEDGES’S DAD), is a pressure-cooker kitchen drama about the blunt-banged April (Holmes) trying to prepare a Thanksgiving meal for her somewhat estranged family. (Patricia Clarkson, who plays her mom, is so, so good in it.) Shot on a dimension-flattening, mini DV camera that lends a home-video aesthetic, this movie has all the domestic panic of a standard Thanksgiving meal, with tension cut perfectly by a neighbor who laughs at April for her low-stakes problems. Searching for something to be thankful for this year? Search no more: This unexpectedly iconic holiday movie is streaming on Hulu.
Speaking of Blunt Bangs…
Bowl-cutted Timothée is about to conquer ye hearts (and foot fetishists alike?) when The King hits Netflix on November 1. I don’t know if I’m actually in a rush to stream The King, but I am dying to see whatever fit Timo gets off next or which breakfast foods he’ll toss to his fans. Can I just say I’ve been wearing a lime turtleneck in my Twitter avatar, but have been getting significantly less attention for it?
I feel like I’m *always* wearing this Benetton suit, and will likely die in it. Also wearing a custom-designed shirt by my friend Annie Lee, Adidas cap, Karl Lagerfeld shoes, Gentle Monster sunglasses, Prada bag. The absolute thrill of watching a 3.5-hour movie on 3.5 hours of sleep? Palpable.If the It Boy duo of Timothée Chalamet and Robert Pattinson in The King don’t do it for you, perhaps you are more into It Men? For the zaddy-loving crowd (ugh, I’m sorry), The Irishman arrives on Netflix at the end of the month (the 27th), with a theatrical release starting November 1. Strap the fuck in for this 3.5-hour Marty Scorsese crime drama that spans decades with expensive-ass de-aging technology bankrolled by Netflix (it’s done pretty well, actually!) starring the greats of gangster cinema: Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, and Robert DeNiro as the titular hitman. I woke up at 6 a.m. for the debut screening the morning of the New York Film Festival premiere, chugged a coffee, and peed just once throughout its 209-minute run. My look that morning involved rolling out of bed, putting a suit on over my pajama shirt, and topping it all off with a cap to conceal my unlaundered hair. Then I threw on some sunglasses to 1) conceal my puffy, sleep-deprived eyes, and 2) avoid human interaction.
Speaking of suits, Joe Pesci showed up to the press conference afterward absolutely stunting on everyone with his mob boss cuffs. The sheer drama of his look inspired me to change into a different suit later that evening for the film’s opening night party.
More NYFF Highlights
I’ve said this before but the two-week stretch during New York Film Festival is my favorite time of the year, and I’ve come to a new realization that elevates the experience even more, at least for this very column. Lincoln Center’s Alice Tully Hall, the large auditorium used as a movie theater once a year, just during the fest, has the best selfie mirror (great lighting and full-length!), I’m so sad I don’t have access to it year-round.
At a NYFF screening wearing my favorite coat (from Leur Logette) with Gucci socks, Ferragamo loafers, and Betsey Johnson purse. Carrying a book that’s not only too large for my purse, but even larger than my purse, is definitely a statement.Some highlights from the fest that you can look forward to: Céline Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire is sure to fill this wintry season’s repressed lesbian love story void left behind by Carol. It’s about a short-lived, but no less impactful, affair that blossoms between a to-be-wed 18th-century French lady and the woman hired to covertly paint her portrait. The lady’s billowing skirt—which literally catches on fire—may be the lingering image of this year’s cinematic pickings but another flowy fabric that sends a pang in my heart is the pink dress shirt Adam Sandler wears in the Safdie brothers’s Uncut Gems (another festival fave) while walking around Manhattan’s diamond district on a late windy night. Swoon. Uncut Gems not only solidifies the fact that Adam Sandler is hot (yes, I said FACT), but also entertains the idea of the return of rimless glasses.
Stop, drop, and roll, girl. ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ is a bit more literal than you think.Other favorites included To the Ends of the Earth by Japanese horror auteur Kiyoshi Kurosawa—though this ditched his usual genre for something quietly mysterious, a travelogue of sorts with a meta narrative involving its lead, the J-Pop star Atsuko Maeda. Another meta highlight was Pedro Almodóvar’s Pain and Glory (out now), starring Antonio Banderas as an eccentric, wavy-haired filmmaker (the connection to Almodóvar himself is not hard to draw). And then, of course, I loved Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite—it’s out now and is killing at the box office, in case you didn’t hear.
Lincoln Center’s Alice Tully Hall has the best bathroom, did I tell you not? Wearing Simone Rocha dress, Dior shoes, Shrimps bag.Killer Korean Flicks
The success of Parasite has only helped shine even more spotlight on the already bright corner that is South Korean cinema. A great place to check off your watchlist is at Lincoln Center next month for a New Korean Cinema series running from November 22–December 4. It’s a great beginner’s guide but also has so many under-seen gems. If you can’t make it out, do not fret, there are some great streaming options. On Amazon Prime, you’ll find the Parasite director’s best work (in my opinion), the 2003 true-crime masterpiece Memories of Murder. For something a bit more high-speed, Hulu’s got you covered with Na Hong-jin’s The Chaser, about a sadistic serial killer and a cop on his tail. Alternatively, you could hop aboard the Train to Busan (on Netflix) for a hellish ride trapped in claustrophobic compartments with zombies. For something much tamer, head over to the Criterion Channel for a trio of recent films by my favorite filmmaker, Hong Sang-soo. You can’t go wrong with any of them.
All right, one more time for the suit! This time in the Halloween spirit by pairing it with a Japanese ‘Suspiria’ shirt I found at Amoeba Music.Put on Your Best Vinyl
It’s been chilly and rainy in New York, the kind of weather that makes me want to stomp around in vinyl. Or maybe it’s because I recently rewatched The Matrix in one of those fancy Dolby theaters that feels like a 4D experience (by the way, you haven’t really lived until you’ve felt your chair shaking violently to the “Dragula” needledrop). Anyway, the Matrix trilogy is entering the Netflix matrix on November 1, sure to inspire vinyl envy (especially when Monica Bellucci shows up in Reloaded).
And on that note, Brooklyn’s Spectacle Theater is showing films directed by Michèle Rosier next month. Rosier, along with being a journalist and filmmaker, also founded the vinyl-wear clothing label V de V. Oh so squeaky chic!
Audrey Hepburn wearing V de V for ‘Two for the Road’ promo pic.Rosier’s films are sadly hard to find online, but the Audrey Hepburn-starring Two for the Road is rentable. Hepburn’s cool-girl wardrobe was provided by Rosier, along with other designers, like Paco Rabanne.
If you are in New York, though, do not miss Rosier’s George Sand biopic George Qui?, starring the late, great Anne Wiazemsky as the pen-named 19th-century French writer. Because I’ve been rewatching Gossip Girl recently I simply must point out that George Sand was Blair Waldorf’s Yale dinner party answer to who she would want to dine with, dead or alive.
Bandages don’t seem ideal for making out—or are they? Susan Sontag’s debut film opens at Metrograph.Speaking of multi-hyphenate filmmakers and literary icons, Metrograph is opening Susan Sontag’s directorial debut, Duet for Cannibals, on November 22, for its 50th anniversary. I read a synopsis that said it was “an erotic and confusing feature,” and the combination of those adjectives has colored me more intrigued than any other plot summary. Catch me at Metrograph in a black turtleneck.
The post 1 Underrated Katie Holmes Vehicle—& 15 More Movies to Watch Now appeared first on Man Repeller.
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