Leandra Medine's Blog, page 651

Here Are The 5 Things Every Woman Should Have According to Inès de la Fressange

In yesterday’s episode of The Chatroom with Inès de la Fressange, the French model-cum-comedienne expounded upon several important things for all American girls to consider.

First: if you’re in Paris and only have the capacity to learn four words, let them be, “tu as tellement raison.” This means, “you are so right,“ and according to Fressange will immediately make those nearby assume that you’re both fluent and highly intelligent (ostensibly for thinking the other person is intelligent).

Second: you don’t need to have a lot of stuff, just a few really good pieces. Which, of course, leads us to the mother lode of advice in the form of a list of five things Fressange believes every woman should have, punctuated by precisely why she should have them:

1. Good jeans, which she calls, “the quite boring thing that no one wants to buy but it fits everyone.” For wash, Fressange prefers “dark blue denim or a really light pair, but it’s hard to find the perfect one — Uniqlo makes my favorite.” She also recommends that you find a pair that’s tight and short. “Suddenly, you’ll look like Audrey Hepburn.”

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2. A navy sweater — not black. “It’s boring, but you wear it every day.”

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3. Black flats, “because you’re dressed up immediately and it’s safe for the majority of looks.”

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4. A blue men’s shirt — “White shirts are boring, so let’s say a man shirt in light blue! If you’re blonde with huge boobs, you won’t look so sexy, and if you’re tiny, it looks nice too.”

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5. A leather jacket, but here’s the catch — it should be “a little bit too tiny — especially for me because I always dress up like a man and it’s a little bit boring. To find a little tiny leather jacket [makes you look] a little bit rock and roll.”

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As for what you definitely do not need? “No way the little black dress. It doesn’t mean anything.”

The Other “C Word”

The first time I became aware of the feature that would become my greatest bodily struggle, I was laying poolside with my mom and my then five-year-old brother.

“Look!” my brother shouted, “I slapped mom’s leg and it’s still moving!”

It was true. The wobbly bits of my mom’s upper thigh swayed back and forth where my own sinewy eight-year-old body would have presumably remained still and quietly solid. I glanced down at my own thighs — taught, compact, fuzzy, and then back to my mom’s — full and lightly dimpled. Then and there I was slowly filled with a sense of knowing, a premonition if you will, that one day this would be my own plight.

Fast forward ten years and there I stood at the local Walgreens comparing and contrasting the active ingredients of a myriad of so-called firming creams. In spite of my thin frame, I was already plagued with the upper thighs of an 80-year-old (I thought), textured like a golf ball and un-yielding to various forms of exercise. I settled on a two-prong approach for maximum efficacy: gradual tanning/firming cream in conjunction with weird disposable gel-like patches to be applied to the undesirable areas for half hour intervals. This was the beginning of my “hopeful stage.” Then nothing worked. End of hopeful stage.

For a while, I was mortified. High school pool parties, water parks, shorts, and all other manner of exposure felt excruciating. Wasn’t high school supposed to be when you have the best body of your life? If so, I was doomed.

I cursed my lifelong aversion to sports and devoted myself to Pilates with a vengeance. I exfoliated the “problem areas” in a circular motion, because I read to do that in a magazine. I ordered potions online. I declared bermuda shorts “on trend.”

Then college came, and I relaxed a little mostly because it seemed like other girls’ thighs had caught up to mine. Less track and field and more Ben & Jerry’s, it turns out, is a recipe for lady leg solidarity, if nothing else (happiness?). I started wearing bathing suits with less fear and even dabbled in shorts of regular lengths. The bermuda can obviously be a little difficult to werk.

But the biggest push towards self-acceptance came from the unlikeliest of places: Kate Moss. As any trashy tabloid can tell you, even Kate, she of the tawny goddess limbs has a little pebbly definition in the lower butt region. So who am I to quibble with a few harmless dimples? Can’t an imperfect rear be the sign of woman who lives a full life and is too cool to spend every last waking moment at the gym? I say yes. Let’s just consider cellulite the accessible, if somewhat less desirable, version of the oft-mentioned “French girl hair.” Natural, laid-back, never trying too hard…it’s kind of like my ass is the coolest girl in the room.

Only in It for the Gold Stars

I still get emails from Starbucks almost every day. It’s my own fault: I developed an obsession with their gold star system during my last semester in college. I downloaded the app. Scrounged up old gift-cards. Calculated how much money I’d save. Rushed to and fro between classes. I’d get as many gold stars as possible. Their coffee may be basic, but racking up points is a lifestyle.

In Charleston where I attended school, there are independent coffee shops everywhere: small businesses with French presses showcasing groomed beards and more Apple products than a Genius Bar. A personal favorite, Black Tap, runs a weekly CSA with the local flower shop. Once, Aziz Ansari stopped in while I was editing poems for class. He ordered a lavender cortada and treated the barista like an old friend.

These local spots care about product sourcing, composting, and the overall experience that comes with drinking caffeinated beverages. They host community events. They remember your name. It’s like Cheers without the beers.

But during my gold star months, humanity in porcelain mugs stopped mattering. Fair trade? Later dude. House-made syrup? Nah, chemicals are fine. Freshly baked gluten free muffins? No thanks. I’ll grab a Cake Pop.

I had an incentive for this: “Rewards,” they said. “A free drink on your birthday,” they said. I did it quickly — hoarded the stars. Got the double-shot gratis. Scored two-for-one Frappuccino deals. I used my cellphone to pay a company that has enough money to design their own barcode-scanning payment method. I fell into that statistic.

Then suddenly, I fell out. “To hell with the stars,” I declared. It was liberating. I realized there were some benefits, yes, but mostly, just a lot of emails. I’m fine with Starbucks. I don’t judge their customers. When Starbucks is offered to me, I’m elated. But it’s not my go-to, per se, not when the shop across the street practically sings to each bean.

But does my brief star-studded blindness matter? Not really. But it caused me to be mindful of similar situations — flash sales, convincing advertisements, suspiciously cheap miracle-products — that make us consumers reconsider our motives, what we actually want in the first place. Why is it so hard to just say no to things we don’t really need? Potato chips. Unreliable friends. A mutant mermaid with two tails who has the monopoly on convenient iced coffee.

I broke up with Starbucks right before the relationship got too toxic. We both knew we were using each other, but I like to think we started out with pure intentions. They say you miss 100% of the chances you don’t take. What they don’t tell you is that you also receive 100% of the emails you don’t unsubscribe from.

It’s Kind of a Funny Story: Danielle Sherman & Todd Selby

Leandra Medine: How did you guys meet?

Danielle Sherman: I was in L.A. working for The Row at the time. I was deathly ill, but Jeremy Scott, who I was really good friends with, dragged me out of the house on a Saturday night. We went to go see a movie and then went down to MOCA which, on the weekends — I don’t know if they’re still doing this — was open until 3 a.m. and had music.  The museum was open and you could walk around on your own with people that were there at the venue. And this was all at night, so it was really cool.

Anyways, Jeremy dragged me there and Todd was there with Cobra Snake–

Todd Selby: I was actually staying at Jeremy Scott’s house as a guest. I met up with Cobra to hang out. I’d heard about Danielle from Jeremy but never met her. So we went out to the 101 Diner afterwards–

Danielle: We extended the night.

Todd: Yeah, I made everyone sit in a way where Danielle would have to sit next to me in the booth.

Danielle: The way he orchestrated it was very obvious.

LM: At least you knew he was interested!

Danielle: And then we had waffles and god knows what else.

Todd: We went on a date a couple of months later–

Danielle: Well then he texted me the next morning at 10 a.m.

Todd: You’re giving them the whole story, huh?

Danielle: Yeah! Why not! He texted me at 10 a.m. asking what I was doing. And I was like, “I actually can’t get out of bed, I’m really sick.” I was at my mom’s house because in times like those you need your mom’s chicken noodle soup. So he’s like, “I want to see you, can I bring Pinkberry?” I said no, but he continued with, “Well I want to see you and take you to dinner.” So he extended his flight and took me out to The Hungry Cat and that was our first date.

Then we went to the H.M.S Bounty after that, which was so cool; it’s a really awesome bar, very low key, very old school, really deep in West Hollywood.

Todd: It’s a nautical theme. The pool is shaped as a four leaf clover.

LM: So people get lucky in there?

Todd: I don’t know where the four leaf clover came from actually, it’s funny I never asked. I’m going to find out.

LM: It sounds like a wet gang bang.

Todd: It’s called The Gaylord! The name of the apartment it’s under is called The Gaylord.

LM: My favorite writing teacher’s name was Dr. Gaylord.

Danielle: Really?

LM: Yup. How long ago was this?

Danielle: This was nine years ago. It was really when both of us were pretty new — I mean you had been photographing for a while — but it was before The Selby. We were kind of at our beginnings then.

LM: And you were designing at The Row?

Danielle: Yeah. I co-founded The Row with Mary Kate and Ashley. I ended up moving to New York because we did more things here in the city, and Todd was living in New York, and I ended up moving in with him pretty early on.

LM: What was it that initially attracted you to Danielle?

Danielle: Oh gosh.

LM: Why were you assigning seats at a restaurant?

Todd: I’m the type of person who knows what I want very quickly, and then I jump all over it. My spirit animal is a frog. I jump on great things.

LM: What is it about Todd that attracted you to him?

Danielle: His positivity. He is one of the most positive people I’ve ever met. Just everything about him. I love how he’s creative; he’s very determined and focused. We have fun together, we laugh together and are totally quirky in very similar ways, although I express it differently than he does.

LM: Are you based here or are you bicoastal?

Danielle: He’s more bicoastal than I am.

Todd: We’re both kind of. She’s more New York.

Danielle: I am going to be working on that more, but definitely, my base is New York and Todd’s kind of global.

LM: So you’ve sort of watched The Selby grow into the enterprise that it is. What’s that experience been like?

Danielle: It’s incredible. It just started off in a very natural and original way. Photographing your friends, and having friends of friends enjoy it and want to share it with people; it’s been a very natural progression. It’s cool when you’re passionate about something and you can make it your life. It’s very cool. I definitely live with it all day, everyday. We have a Selby room in our apartment — that’s kind of like his office.

It’s very funny because when people come over it’s very evident which areas I have territory over and which areas Todd has territory over. This one room is a magic den of drawings and things hanging from the walls and out of projected corners everywhere; and there’s lots of computers, and cameras and lights. It’s a fun zone.

LM: Do you keep a lot of clothes there as well?

Danielle: I do have to say that Todd has the bigger closet.

Todd: I have a lot more clothes. I probably have three times the amount of clothes than she does.

Danielle: I definitely have a second closet at work, but most of my stuff is here. But still. I actually let him have it from the beginning.

LM: I get the sense that you’re quite a clean dresser. You know exactly what you like.

Danielle: Yeah, I’m quite minimal and according to Todd, quite plain and straight-forward.

Todd: It’s just funny because in her closet I think there’s one red thing. Everything else is black, white or green.

Danielle: Shades of gray, navy, inky blue…So he put one of his jackets in my closet and was like, “Look! Isn’t it more fun?” And I said, “Yeah, it is. Maybe one day.” Maybe one day I’ll be wearing cats but today is not the day.

LM: Todd, are you at all involved  in the growth of Danielle’s collections?

Danielle: Do you inspire me?

Todd: No. Well, we traveled in Africa together and I’m always finding books. I think I help her with finding inspiration or things like that, but never design-oriented things.

LM: Do you criticize?

Todd: No, I guess I have a unique perspective because I don’t really know anything about fashion or clothing construction, but I’ve always been around it a little bit, so I have sort of an outsider’s point of view? I can sometimes be of help, but a lot of times it’s beyond my understanding. When she’s designing and working on collars or textures, I don’t know what’s going on.

Danielle: But he does know me so well. So when I’m designing he can come in here and say, “That’s so you.” So it takes you back. It’s kind of that “check in” point. You always want to be doing you and expressing yourself, and of course there are always things that are more forward or fantastical, but the essence has to be an extension of yourself and things that you love. I’m very lucky that I have that person that can do that for me.

LM: How long have you been together?

Danielle: It’s been nine years. We’re getting married at the end of March.

LM: Do you feel like you’re married already?

Danielle: Yes.

LM: Where’s the wedding? What’s it gong to be like. Am I invited?

Danielle: It’s going to be at our house in L.A. It’ll be a lot of our close friends. Friends of ours who are chefs are making the food and people from all over the world are coming, but it’s really just people we’ve known for a while and who have been a part of our lives. And family. It’s going to be a weekend of festivities.

LM: Did you always want to get married?

Danielle: I guess. I never really thought about it. We’ve been engaged for a while but we’re finally pulling it together.

Todd: It’s a lot of work.

Danielle: Yeah. There’s a lot that’s been happening in both of our lives, but now seems like a good time. Todd’s all situated; he’s got his tux and his gear all sorted out. I’m just beginning.

LM: Are you making your own dress?

Danielle: Yeah. I’m psyched. It’ll begin tomorrow. Today there’s too many things popping up. We’ve already started initial sketches but we have an amazing atelier here and they’re going to be helping with it.

LM: I’m always so interested in couples who’ve been together for upwards of five years and decide to get married after that point and what the impetus of it is.

Danielle: As opposed to just continuing on? I don’t know what the impetus is for other people, but for us, I think it’s nice — from what I hear from friends — to begin another chapter. It’s that solid confirmation, whatever it means or stands for; that magical evening or day of being together and celebrating your union. We’re both pretty selfless in that a lot goes into our work, and this is a day to celebrate us. I think there’s something quite unique about that so I’m happy we’re doing it.

LM: Being married is delightful. It’s one of my favorite parts of human existence. Or my personal human existence at least.

Danielle: That’s really nice!

LM: I didn’t live with my husband before we got married.

Danielle: By choice?

LM: Well, kind of. We’re both Modern Orthodox Jews so it was kind of out of the question.

LM: All of these relationship stories are always so sweet, and no matter how mundane or extravagant they are, the reaction is always similarly, “Awww,” because on the other end is always a happy ending.

Danielle: It’s true. I think it’s a really intimate way to get to know people, to hear how they first met.

LM: What do you feel were some of the challenges you had to confront in being respective entrepreneurs?

Danielle: We’re just on different time zones most of the time. Maybe seeing each other, generally. Although even if Todd is in Japan he’ll fly back for two days before he flies to L.A. or Dubai or wherever. He really makes the effort to always come back if he’s been away for too long. That’s what’s unique, you know? That’s probably the hardest thing I’d say.

Todd’s very good at scheduling months ahead. Of course it’s always in flux because things happen and meetings change and I’m trying to get better at that. That’s something that I’m working on. But definitely scheduling time for us together is the challenge. But he always finds a way to make it all work.

LM: So is the recurring argument between you guys typically time and distance related?

Todd: We don’t really argue…

Danielle: I know it sounds annoying and hard to believe but really, we’re both not argumentative people. Even people that I work with here, I don’t think have ever heard me yell. I think it’s the California relatively low key vibe in me. But also it’s both of our personalities. I guess we don’t waste time arguing.

LM: Maybe it’s because you spend so much time apart?

Danielle: Yeah, and we’ve both had so many different life experiences that when you have perspective and you’re constantly faced with it, traveling all over the world, other things seem more important. You’re less likely to complain about things that are irrelevant or unimportant. At least for me, time’s not wasted on being upset at one another.

LM: What are your favorite things about each other?

Todd: Well Danielle is incredibly even-keeled, which I really like. She’s very creative and giving and I like that we’re both creative people, but I’d say we’re polar opposites in our philosophies. I’m very much, “done is better than perfect” — kind of the Facebook mentality. And Danielle is more on the Apple side; she’s a perfectionist. I’ve never used an eraser before, and Danielle’s mom was telling me that when she was a kid she’d just erase and erase until the paper would fall apart.

I just really like that we’re different in that way.

Danielle: I love Todd’s passion. He’s extremely focused and determined when it comes to anything, from buying a house to seeing me after being across the world. I love how he just makes things happen. There are never excuses. He’s not one to make an excuse. I love that. He’s so sweet with my family. We have so much fun together. He makes me laugh all of the time and cooks great food for me. We both love food.

I am constantly being inspired by him creatively. I too, love that we’re opposites in terms of what attracts our eye. I love that he brings me to places I’ve never seen, introduces me to books I’ve never read, music I don’t necessarily listen to. It’s that kind of attraction, the fact that we share different interests. I’m always discovering something new when I’m with him.

Todd: Thanks honey.

Danielle: We never really have these conversations! It’s sweet!

LM: Isn’t it fun to recalibrate every now and then?

Danielle: It’s kind of like therapy, but therapy that’s about appreciating the good things in life.

LM: This is a fun question: Could you try to define love in five words or less?

Danielle: Love is happiness. If you’re happy, that’s the only thing that matters.

LM: I’m finding more and more that happiness is the end goal of every narrative.

Danielle: Totally. My mom was saying that this morning — she came in for the show — she’s my biggest supporter, along with Todd, and my sister, and my dad and my two nieces. But, she said, “You know, people ask me if I’m proud of you. And of course I’m proud of you! But I’m most proud that you’re happy. That’s every mother’s ultimate goal, that their children are happy.”

Todd: Aw, that’s so nice. I like Danielle’s answer! You convinced me.

Danielle: What is love for you?

Todd: Well I can’t say happiness, can I? A warm, fresh cat t-shirt?

LM: That bomber is really cool.

Todd: This is a 1991 Hermès score from eBay.

LM: Are you a big eBay shopper?

Danielle: You should share with Leandra some of your most recent purchases.

Todd: Well now I really love buying clothes and plants on eBay. There are really cool ones.

Danielle: But what’s quite unique is that you found a really cool African cactus.

Todd: It’s in this funny brown bowl and once a year, it puts out a single stem with leaves on it and then it dies, and another one comes out.

Leandra: That’s really interesting! You have to have a really curated head for eBay.

Todd: It’s really fun and good for getting the really weird specific things. I love it.

LM: If you were giving advice to your future daughter…are you going to have kids?

Danielle: Yeah, kids are cool! Todd’s really good with kids. They are mesmerized by him. He’s wearing every color of the rainbow, and one thousand cats on his t-shirt.

Todd: Normally I wear glasses and they like those too.

Danielle: And they like your voice.

Todd: I have a muppet-like voice. So they like that. I’m messy. And usually, when they’re around we’re doing weird things because it’s a photoshoot or something.

LM: So if you were giving advice to your daughter about love, what would you tell her?

Todd: That’s tough. I think love takes perspective, so it’s something that takes time and knowledge of life. I think it’s something that can’t be rushed. Maybe it’s easy to confuse hormones with love as a teenager, but…

LM: Hormones are such a nice alternative word for passion.

Danielle: I would say to just follow your intuition. If it feels right, you gotta feel it. Follow your heart.

LM: Danielle, are you wearing a wedding band?

Danielle: This is my engagement ring! I flip it around a bit. Todd found it in Japan.

Todd: Yup, the designer has a store on Dover Street too.

Danielle: His name is Noguchi, he’s amazing. He has a small shop in Paris I have yet to go to. But he’s really hard to find, I’ve only seen him at Dover Street here and at the one in Tokyo.

LM: It’s beautiful. Todd, have you always been into fashion? You seem to have a good understanding of it.

Todd: I’ve been around it since I moved to New York. I’ve always been really interested in fashion people and the fashion world; there are so many interesting characters. My family goes way back to the shmata business as well, so I think there’s always been an interest in clothing. I had a funny clothing line with my friend called Imitation of Imitation of Christ.

But Danielle was born to do what she does. It’s funny and interesting — especially when all of those fashion TV shows popped up and everybody suddenly wanted to be a designer — it’s like, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. It’s a really tough business. When people tell me, “Oh, I’m going to start my own fashion line,” it’s almost like they’re saying, “Oh, I’m going to start my own car manufacturing business.” It’s about as easy as that. It’s really tough.

LM: When Tesla popped up a few years ago, that was interesting. But he did it! I don’t think they’re doing as well as they hoped though. They’d planned on selling 40,000 cars in China and they sold about what, 60?

Danielle: It’s pretty epic. Have you been in one? It’s like walking on water. It doesn’t feel real.

LM: It’s incredible. I like the idea of an oil-free world and it seems like a pretty good way to get there.

Todd: We have a Tesla. Danielle drives me around it.

Danielle: If it was up to me I’d be driving an old Jaguar, but you can’t get more technologically advanced than this guy. He’s always up on the latest gadget, and this is definitely one of them. But it is an amazing car. You’ll see them everywhere in L.A.

LM: I kind of want to move to L.A. These winters are getting colder.

Todd: But you can be wherever you want to be.

LM: But I have roots here; family and all.

Todd: You’d have to move your whole family out there.

LM: It’s like my dad who saw a Ford commercial on an open road while living in Turkey and said, “There! That’s where I’m going.” He literally packed a bag, enrolled in college in Gainesville, called his parents and said, “It’s cool here. Come over.” And they did.

Anyway, I’m going to ask one more question: One piece of advice you would give someone looking for love?

Todd: It’s a thing that’s really hard to look for. You just have to be open to it when you see it. Be ready to jump on that lily pad when it’s there. A lot of it is timing. You can meet the right person but not be mentally ready.

Danielle: I totally second that.

Click here for more It’s Kind of a Funny Story.

Spring Break! But Not — What to Wear This Weekend

Hunter S. Thompson used to read chapters of F. Scott Fitzgerald before setting out to write as warm up to position his tone. Sometimes I look at street style photos because they position mine. And at the end of a month that has been full of clothes on striking women (I’m not talking about the runway offering here) that sometimes don’t even see the light of a street style lens, I am feeling like I stand at a particularly high point of authority in my wanting to suggest that I can help you get dressed this weekend.

Denim

Khaki

White

Gold?

Let me show you what I mean:

I know this is one of me, which makes it a sort of cop out and one that is no less narcissistic but suspend frustration for a second and argue this suggestion: why don’t you wear this tonight with a colorful handbag and scarf wrapped around your wrist as if to say, I’ve come here to party but if you get me dirty I will F you the F up.

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By the time Saturday rolls around you’ll be like, well, that was cool but the forecast said rain so I really ought to consider wearing suede. How about monochroming utility green pants and a blouse and seeing what happens?

If it looks like this, you’ll know you’ve done something right. If it doesn’t you still win because this is your game and you make the rules.

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Sunday will come in like a lamb and you’ll be like, ugh, I can almost taste Monday before you realize that is actually tequila scratching the back of your throat. Wear your most reliable jeans because they are, by definition, reliable (and you are hungover). Remember how great you felt in all that utility gear and wear a bomber jacket in the same color as a token of commemoration. Because Monday is de facto close enough to taste, you’ll want to wear shoes that make you forget your woes. Then maybe contour a dimple onto your face so you can look more like Claire — if she looks familiar, it’s because we stalk her.

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And if that doesn’t work, you know what will?

Sweat

Pants.

MR Writers Club Prompt: Escape Your Comfort Zone

All of us have comfort zones. They broaden and shrink depending on how bold we’re feeling. They can sharpen or blur thanks to the people we’re with or goals we’ve set or resolutions we’ve abandoned. But they’re always there.

My comfort zone, for example, is living in Manhattan. I’m the queen of West Village directions. Ask me about my favorite Upper West Side Thai restaurant because I would love to tell you all about it. Watch me high five the UPS delivery guy. (Hi Keith!) Observe as I skip down Lafayette street or take the 6 train to the Upper East Side for the sole purpose of shaking hands and kissing babies.

Brooklyn, however, is an entire bridge out of my comfort zone. Two bridges. And expensive Ubers and multiple confusing subways that turn into streetcars and make my ears pop. The restaurants are charming but never properly calibrate on my phone’s map. I have no Thai place there! And I always get lost.

But I still go. I have friends who live there and good bands play there and artists show there and every once in a while, a girl needs a very specific kind of pizza. When I do make the very unimpressive trek, I tell myself, Hey. Good on you, little foot. You are stepping outside of your comfort zone.

And you know where that’s leading, right? In ~500 words, we want you to tell us about stepping out of your comfort zone. What happened? How did it make you feel? Was it empowering? A disaster? Nothing impressive at all? Did you welcome it? Put up a fight? Did it change this very moment?

The deadline is Thursday, March 19 at 12 p.m. EST. And if you need inspiration, check out all our past #MRWritersClub entries here.

Image shot by Charlie Engman for Dazed Magazine

What’s the Best Deodorant?

I know this sounds insane, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have a “brand” of deodorant. I can’t tell if I’m more of a Fresh Shower Powder kind of girl or if the olfactory move is something a little more floral. No Teen Spirit. The ideal smell would be whatever old school Herbal Essences smelled like; if my armpits could remind others of good shampoo that would rule.

Though I don’t have much of a preference between solid or gel, I’m pretty sure I’m not into the idea of a spray. I am 100% positive that an organic solution is not the answer. Sorry Tom. You can claim curated medicine cabinets and MySpace all you want, but not my armpits. No way, sir. No how.

The thing is that at 8 a.m. today the final bit of the deodorant I’ve been using fell out of its pod and onto the floor and then crumbled into a million little soap-y, impossible-to-pick-up pieces. The brand was BAN and it originally came to me via some gifted Music Festival Survival Kit. The one before that was Dove and my dad bought it because he had a CVS coupon. Both were great…but  now what?

Why don’t you just go to the drugstore and buy one, you snozzrocket?, you’re probably wondering.

Because it’s not that simple. Because I actually just tried but ended up standing in the deodorant aisle for 15 minutes while wondering if it was creepy to sniff anti-perspirants, or if legally, that was even allowed. You sniff it, you buy it? I don’t know. The whole ordeal was the pitts.

But I’m 26 and if I’m going to at least pretend to be a grown woman, I think I should know what “My Brand” is. So can you guys do me a solid? What’s the best deodorant?

The Real World

I have a memory of my first exposure to reality television: I am seven years old and alone in my parents’ bedroom, scrolling through the channels of our limited cable offerings in peace. It only takes me a dozen seconds to click through and dismiss all four networks I recognize. Frustrated, I widen my search. This is when I come upon it.

On screen are two teams of attractive young people in bathing suits. At the precise moment that I encounter them, the girls have just scrawled lipstick on to their upper thighs, beginning what looks to me like a valiant and futile effort to transfer the pigment onto a Plexiglas screen. The boys will go next. For now, they just watch. This is The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes 2.

I have not yet learned to tie my shoelaces and I am horrified. I know immediately — the way children do — that this is not allowed. And yet I stare transfixed. Because I want to see what happens next. Because I am curious and tantalized and obedient (for the most part) in a way that makes me savor this small act of rebellion. Because I am captivated.

I still am. I’ve grown into an unapologetic consumer of millionaire matchmakers and iron chefs and LuAnn de Lesseps. I am what must be the last remaining human in the continental United States to tune in to The Real World each week. I think Sonja Morgan is a national treasure. Human beings — in every twisted and whacky and egotistical incarnation—fascinate me. And I refuse to feel bad about it.

But every once in a while — when Diem Brown died this year and Sonja filed for bankruptcy and Ashley S. had some kind of breakdown on national TV, I remember how my juvenile stomach dropped. I am reminded that the characters and caricatures that populate these shows are real.

That same unease bubbled again this week when Bachelor host Chris Harrison announced that 25 men would have to choose between two women — Britt and Kaitlyn, y’all—on the upcoming season of The Bachelorette.

“It’s more than I can comprehend,” Britt murmured at the announcement. To which I can only respond: Same.

I know that it’s at least a version of hypocritical to protest this latest pop cultural indignity and not all the others that have preceded it. Believe me: I’d much rather forget about it, slip into some state of altered consciousness, and enjoy this next batch of rose ceremonies in peace. That kind of distraction is what the best entertainment is for.

And yet I wonder whether we have been too successful in our escapism. The fact is that Heidi and Spencer and Ashley S. and Britt and Kaitlyn are more than special effects. They’re people. Reality television is the funhouse mirror of mass culture. It takes shapes we know and distorts them. It takes humanity and manipulates it in ways that disgusts and mortifies and pleases us. There’s no point denying why we watch it. I never have. But have we crossed some human line? Have we forgotten some essential truth? Should we at least talk about it?

Penultimately in Paris: Louis Vuitton

If it’s possible that a collection could be tastefully tacky, that is only at the hand of Nicolas Ghesquière. He showed his rendition of Fall in Paris yesterday at the Fondation Louis Vuitton and commanded a front row that included a blonde-haired Kim Kardashian and accompanying Kanye West.

I didn’t quite get their presence there prior to the show’s starting; Ghesquière has seemed like a designer who chooses his celebrities based on soul as opposed to zeitgeist, but once we got going — first with huge white furs and transparent trunks-as-bags, then form-flattering ribbing shown in cut-out long sleeve tops with ruffle peplum hems and matching mid-length skirts (primed for wearing by Kardashian), and finally with sparkle and sequins and chain belts that insouciantly harkened back to 1980s Italian fashion and reimagined it as the kind of elegant, cool girl, I-woke-up-like-this effortlessness that it has never before been — I totally got it.

Well, not all of it.

I didn’t quite understand the satin slip dresses; they seemed nothing like the emotional Ghesquière to whom I’ve pledged my allegiance. For a designer who has positioned himself as an offbeat front of culture and fashion that commands so many of the subsequent cues we assume, I wondered for a moment whether this was a kind of regression propelled by a slave-to-the-sales mentality. That would have explained the Kardashian-West involvement — but shame on me for assuming anything less than innovation from Ghesquière.

In a sea of 1970s wearable paraphernalia, the designer is abandoning the trend he initiated to suppose exactly what was touched upon at Chanel and Valentino this week: the fun of fashion. In Amelia’s Milanese Magpies, she argued in favor of tackiness vis-à-vis happiness. And really, how much longer are we expected to take fashion so seriously? To dress as though we don’t imagine our lives to be micro-spectacles? Give me the chain belts! And the sequins! Put a drawstring at the waistline of my suit pants if you want to, then throw me into a ring looking like a pink-haired polar bear and pull me out for a tango.

The collection was a lot — it said and did so many things, but seemed to underscore an important emotional point of acceptance that touches upon an exciting new narrative within fashion. One that is inclusive and allows participation from every interested corner whether you’re a Kardashian or a Connelly (What? Jennifer was there too) to bask in the fun, who-cares mentality of the fashion of yore as if to say loud and clear, with pride and poise: get a little weird, what’s the worst that can happen?

For more fashion month coverage, click here.

Images via Style.com

Let’s Play “Tumblr Games” with Paris Street Style

Paris Fashion Week is over. Au revoir, sweet city of lights. It seemed that, even from my remote position in New York City, Paris was exactly the jolt of energy we all needed to send us confidently into the spring season while feeling simultaneously emboldened against the lingering 9 technical winter days and okay about the inevitability of next years’s December 1 through March 12.

But now I’m a little bit sad. I already ache for those wonderful magpies who use fashion as camouflage to stand out rather than blend in.

Thanks to the Internet we now have a permanent platform in place to reference Chanel’s 2015 show as we please. We can visit Instagram as often as we like and celebrate the return of fashion’s two most important models. We can scroll through the archives of Man Repeller and be like, Oh yea, Chloé was awesome. But there’s something magical about watching it all flash before our eyes for the first time.

This rings especially true when it comes to street style. If not only for the clothes — because regardless of your own personal taste, they are undoubtedly spectacular to behold in the wild — then because it’s practically impossible to duplicate the exact feeling of seeing yourself in a moment that Tommy Ton or Adam Katz Sinding has frozen in time.

For example, this is me when I’m pretending to be on the phone in public to avoid an awkward situation:

That was the first thought that came to my mind. And now every time I see this photo, “me when I’m pretending to be on the phone in public to avoid an awkward situation” is all I think about.

Narcissistic? Perhaps. But it’s also wildly relatable because…isn’t this what we all look like when we fake-call?

I call it the Tumblr Games in honor of the platform that popularized the strange phenomenon of seeing ourselves in literally everything. Now if you’ll join me in the slideshow above, let’s get going.

And after? You know where the comments section is. Upload a street style pic and fill in the blank: “This is me when I ______.”