Leandra Medine's Blog, page 356
May 19, 2017
13 Desert-Island Beauty Recs (a.k.a. Products You Can’t Live Without)
My beauty routine once consisted of two steps: wash and moisturize. When I started this, around age 14, I felt very adult. Now, I consider myself low-maintenance because I only have seven steps. SEVEN!
I don’t even know what I’m doing. I’m just spritzing random things on my face and hoping they do something. The problem is, I’m a bit of a beauty hoarder. I have a secret drawer stuffed with little bottles and packets and jars of creams and oils, be they samples or testers or hand-me-downs or gifts. I fear parting with them, because what if they’re good? As my collection’s grown, I’ve become increasingly disillusioned. What am I supposed to do with all this stuff?
I’ve lost my way in this world of 34-step beauty routines.
That’s why I asked the team what ONE beauty item they would fly in, via emergency helicopter, if they were stranded on a desert island. It did not need to be survival-related, but I wanted to be clear that I was not asking their favorite step in their routine. I was asking what they’d use if they were forced to simplify their routine to one step total. What’s the one thing they couldn’t bear to part with? That they’d use if they couldn’t use anything else?
Scroll down to see what they told me (plus what I picked), and then tell us yours!
Haley, Junior Editor (hi, it’s me)
What would you call in?
Dermalogica Gentle Cream Exfoliant
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
This is the best $43 I’ve ever spent (and spent and spent). When my skin feels rough after a tough few weeks, this is always the thing that rejuvenates it. It’s the only thing that seems to work completely on its own — rather than being one part of a routine — which makes it the #1 desert-island pick, obviously.
What’s so good about it?
It’s an exfoliating mask, and it really feels like it’s taking off the top layer of buildup that seems to happen on my face if I don’t exfoliate for a while. No mask has ever worked as well for me. It makes my skin instantly soft/glowy where it was rough/dull just 15 minutes prior.
….and Haley‘s second pick
Listen, I know it’s cheating to pick two (like it’s the full opposite of the challenge and I’m the one who created the challenge) but I just couldn’t decide on one and I felt you needed to shoulder the weight of my indecision/help me decide.
What would you call in?
Vintner’s Daughter Active Botanical Serum.
If you recognize the name, that’s because Vintner’s Daughter is famous among skincare fanatics for being ridiculously expensive but totally life-changing. Into the Gloss called it “the face oil to end all face oils.” I even watched this THIRTY-ONE MINUTE REVIEW of it.
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
Without an oil of some kind, my combination skin tends to become more combination. The aforementioned roughness and unevenness happens faster.
What’s so good about it?
I’ll be honest that I’ve only used half of one bottle that I didn’t pay for (the price tag makes me cry), but I can already say it’s….incredible? It fully lives up to the hype (and I get bitter about hype). It makes my skin so even and soft and healthy-feeling. It’s not something I can reasonably keep using, but if I could, I’d use it forever (and ever).
Leandra, Founder
What would you call in?
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
It’s creamy and takes care of me like a real moisturizer would even though it’s primary purpose is sun protection (SPF 30).
What’s so good about it?
It will protect my face from wrinkles and body from skin cancer. Seems like the closest thing to a life line given the context?
Ariel, Director of Brand Partnerships
What would you call in?
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
If I had to pick just one, it needs to be this hydrating serum because my skin is just so damn thirsty!
What’s so good about it?
I have combination skin, so I have to be careful about products that skew too much towards one end of the spectrum. I can use the Glossier serum all over my face and it never gets too oily. I am a serum freak and probably have seven different kinds floating around at home right now, but this is by far my favorite.
Ariel…again
What would you call in?
This is totally cheating, but I have one more pick specifically for my platinum hair gals: Christophe Robin Shade Variation Care Nutritive Mask
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
This is absolutely the best purple conditioner to nourish and soften platinum blonde hair.
What’s so good about it?
It not only brightens platinum color but also eliminates any brassy tones between colors. Someone once told me to massage this conditioner into your roots first and work your way down since your ends are the weakest part of your hair and absorb conditioner quicker.
Elizabeth, Market Editor
What would you call in?
Lipstick Queen Frog Prince Lipstick
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
It moisturizes AND adds color. They call it henna lipstick because it is a green stick but takes the natural color of your lips and flushes them a deeper pink.
What’s so good about it?
For one, it actually keeps my lips from not getting dry — which is my absolutely pet peeve — plus it shows up like a very light lipstick. It’s my lips but enhanced. My boyfriend likes to use it, too.
Harling, Junior Staff Writer
What would you call in?
Drunk Elephant Umbra Tinte Physical Daily Defense Broad Spectrum Sunscreen SPF 30
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
I originally had a different product picked out for this story, but I changed to this one last-minute because I got a sample at an event and tried it immediately and it’s THAT GOOD. I love that it combines both SPF and skin tint — basically all I need for my face to feel both protected and presentable and thus, the perfect desert-island companion.
What’s so good about it?
It doesn’t smell like sunscreen and it blends into freshly washed skin like a g-dang dream. My skin veers toward the oily side of the spectrum and often has sensitive/burning reactions to SPF, but this product gives me a nice glow without making me look like an oil slick and never irritates me.
Erica, Managing Editor
What would you call in?
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
I hate putting multiple layers of stuff on my face, whether it be makeup, skincare or a combo of both. I dislike both the feeling and anything that takes longer than five minutes to apply. This face oil is simple (aka one quick step), extremely effective (cuts out the need for a bunch of other layers and steps) and feels V luxurious (which is a fun bonus if you’re stranded anywhere, IMO).
What’s so good about it?
This oil does everything — moisturizes, tones, brightens, creates that dewy finish (aka That Wet Look). I even ditched eye cream because I’m convinced it’s staving off under-eye wrinkles (tbd). It’s made entirely of natural oils and herbal extracts, which means reading the ingredient list doesn’t leave me paranoid. Lastly, when applying this, you have no choice but to treat yourself to a face massage.
Pro tip: In the summer, massage this into your shoulders and décolletage and you’ll look all glowy in your off-the-shoulder tops and such.
Yvonne, Content Strategist
What would you call in?
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
It works for EVERYTHING! It’s like a mix between coconut oil and vaseline. If I rubbed it all over, my whole body would feel like a baby’s bottom. Put it on your eyelashes if you don’t have mascara handy. Put it in your hair. Put it EVERYWHERE. I often use it as hand lotion during the winter months.
What’s so good about it?
It smells really good! And it’s a TRUE multi-purpose product. I have been using this as a cure all for nearly 10 years now and it is a gift from the heavens.
Patty, Head of Revenue
What would you call in?
Donna Karan Cashmere Mist Deodorant
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
It just works, you know?
What’s so good about it?
The scent isn’t overpowering and it does the trick. I must’ve tried at least 20 different deodorants — men’s and women’s, natural and clinical, gel and solid — over the last decade and a half. This is my hands-down fave. Couldn’t live without it.
Leslie, Editorial Director
What would you call in?
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
I have a lot of unruly hair. It’s wavy and dry and can get big and fluffy, especially when freshly washed.
What’s so good about it?
This is my gold standard when it comes to conditioner. It’s defrizzing and nourishing. I love that it comes in a big tub; scooping it out is so satisfying.
Jasmin, Senior Integrated Marketing Strategist
What would you call in?
Honestly? Cetaphil
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
Because it all starts with clean skin. If you don’t have that, why bother?
What’s so good about it?
I started using it recently after seeing it on a Teen Vogue IG story and it’s really changed the game for me. My skin feels so clean, but not dry, and it’s helping to clear out some chin breakouts I’ve been getting. If I have to live on a desert island, at least my skin won’t have to suffer.
Maria, Visual Assistant
What would you call in?
stila Magnificent Metals Glitter & Glow Liquid Eye Shadow
Why is it your desert-island pick over another type of product?
I have become a high-maintenance beauty person. I use 11 products on an average morning, and have recently integrated glitter eyeshadow into my daily routine. I saw someone apply this on Instagram and I fell in love. Makeup is best when it makes you feel special, and this eyeshadow is so magical. If I was on a desert island and no one was there to see me? I’d cover my whole face in this stuff. (Seriously. I want to be this.)
What’s so good about it?
This product is so pigmented, easy to apply and doesn’t flake. I have both Sunset Cove and Gold Goddess. Some people on the internet take issue with the price point, but I feel like the formulation and application is elevated from other glitter products.
Photos by Edith Young.
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May 18, 2017
Is Wellness a Fad, and Is It Over?
I’m getting the feeling that people are sick of “wellness.” The topic’s starting to feel a bit wiffy, like a green juice that’s gone off. By wellness, I mean the trend, not the state of being. The calls for mindfulness, the fears of Western medicine, the natural cures, the expensive retreats. The gurus, the healers, the herbs, the crystals. Wellness’s rise to popularity isn’t perplexing. What if your every ailment was actually under your control and mutable? What if the solutions were as simple as changing your breathing, or eating raw garlic, or drinking hot water with lemon? Can you really lower your risk of cancer by reducing inflammation or improve your immune system by walking barefoot on a beach? In this complicated world, where large, invisible forces shape almost every aspect of our lives, the idea that our well-being is under our control is incredibly appealing.
According to The New York Times, wellness has swelled to an over $30 billion industry in the US. This includes, as my friend Rina reports for Fast Company, a “billion-dollar” gemstone industry. The ranks of yoga practitioners are rapidly swelling. Sales of herbal supplements are growing. It feels like everyone’s trying to Vitamix and Headspace their way to happiness, and spending a ton of money in the process.
The backlash became visibly apparent after the news that Goop, the Gwyneth Paltrow-backed brand whose editorial bread-and-butter is wellness information and advice, would partner with Condé Nast to release a quarterly magazine. Attitude dripped from nearly every press mention. The most vehement reaction came from Vox, whose headline read, “Conde Nast is enabling Gwyneth Paltrow’s health bullshit with a new magazine.” As Julia Belluz wrote, “Paltrow has for years faced intense criticism from the medical and scientific communities for selling junk health products…Goop is a multimillion-dollar empire built on misleading people about health.”
Gwyneth has proven a lightening-rod for criticism, so this response wasn’t entirely surprising. But it came on the heels of a gleeful takedown of another wellness startup, Juicero, created by Doug Evans, previously of Organic Avenue. The Silicon Valley gadget company has netted almost $120 million in funding for its $400 machine, which juices packets of fruit and vegetables at home — a sort of “Keurig for juice.”
As Bloomberg reported, “after the product hit the market, some investors were surprised to discover a much cheaper alternative: You can squeeze the Juicero bags with your bare hands. [We] found that squeezing the bag yields nearly the same amount of juice just as quickly — and in some cases, faster — than using the device.”
The Juicero debacle perfectly exemplified what’s mockable about the current preoccupation with all things holistic and New Age-y. I posit that the industry’s in the crosshairs because it sits perfectly at the intersection of the below four trade winds:
1. A general eat-the-rich sensibility, which sneers at the expensive dusts, potions, ointments and treatments that fall under the wellness umbrella.
2. A growing concern about “fake news” and a desire for claims that can be backed up by actual research or data.
3. A disgust for what is seen as window dressing or frills during a time of intense nationwide crisis.
4. A general exhaustion with the pursuit of self-improvement.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic because I’m a skeptic yet I’m also game for just about anything that might make me feel better. I see myself reflected in both sides. I’ll admit that I’ve carried crystals in my handbag and dry-brushed my skin before a shower. I enjoy yoga and breathing exercises. Walking barefoot on the beach makes me feel good! I both understand the backlash and wonder if we aren’t just looking around for an easy target, something or someone to take our anger out on. It’s easy to scoff at a blonde, Venice Beach-based fashion stylist turned ”energy practitioner.” But, to borrow a phrase, we’re all on our own journey. As long as what you are doing isn’t hurting you or anyone else, who am I to judge?
Photos by Edith Young.
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Solange’s Letter to Her Teenage Self is Chicken Soup for All of Our Souls
There are no capital letters in Solange’s Teen Vogue letter to her teenage self, no “Dear Solange.” It reads more like a song or a poem than a letter, starting out with a four-sentence bang (“there will be fear. a lot of it. there will be triumph. a lot of it.”) and moving lyrically from one cluster of thoughts to the next.
She breaks down her various teenage phases, from dance-obsessed to football player’s girlfriend; admits to being bullied and being called names like “crazy” and “ugly;” calls words her first love; recounts stupid, life-threatening hijinks; chastises herself for rolling her eyes at her mother; and acknowledges that she suffered from bouts of self-doubt and isolation: “you shut down. you go into your room, lock the door, put on music, and you do not move for 8 hours straight. it will feel like the heaviest and bleakest darkness you can possibly feel.” All typical teenage stuff — the highest highs and the lowest lows and the heaps of feelings and experiences that only appear commonplace in hindsight, but at the time felt like a reservoir of uncomfortable change and newness that you and you alone were charged with swimming through.
But then she takes the letter deeper, past the surface of quintessential teenagehood, straight to the core of what flipped her still-malleable selfhood on its axis and changed everything. She writes, “seventeen will be the hardest year of your life. it will grow you up almost immediately. you will lose your best friend whom you love so much to gun violence in a single moment, and give birth to a new one within a year.” It’s the kind of heartbreak most full-grown adults couldn’t stomach, washing up against the presence of a brand-new infant.
“you will be terrified, and it’s ok that you don’t know what the future holds,” Solange writes. “some people will count you out because of the decision you’ve made to bring another life into the world so young, but you made the decision out of love and will live with the decision in love.”
Imagine being counted out at 17, only to subsequently become a world-famous singer/songwriter with a No. 1 album on the Billboard 200 chart. It takes the idea of a happy ending to a whole new level.
The idea of writing a letter to your teenage self — a past self — is an interesting one, because it’s not like what you say can ever alter what’s already happened. You were what you were then and you are what you are now because of that. If I could go back in time and give my teenage self actionable advice, I would tell her that moisturizing would actually help her oily skin, that a huge bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats cereal won’t numb sadness, that sharing someone else’s secret without permission will feel delicious in the moment but terrible after, that hooking up with someone who doesn’t see her the way she wants to be seen or who makes her feel worse about herself than better is always a bad idea, that she will never regret being nice and that a C+ in chemistry will not destroy her chances of getting into college.
But then again, would I? I’m happy (for now) with where I ended up, so why would I want to go back in time and change the path that I followed?
This question reminds me of something Joan Didion wrote in Slouching Toward Bethlehem, “…I think we are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”
Even though what Solange writes in 2017 can’t change what happened in 2004, the concept of writing a letter to your teenage self, or any past self, is compelling in the context of reacquainting yourself with the people you used to be — staying on “nodding terms” with the various iterations of your identity and letting your past mistakes, triumphs, fears, embarrassments and delights inform the person you are becoming.
So how about you? What would you write to your hormone-addled, acne-speckled, precious, tender teenage self?
Photos by Ryan McGinley via Teen Vogue.
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Ovarian Cysts: Incredibly Common Yet Somehow a Mystery
The female body is a temple of strange worship.
From irregular periods to UTIs, our post-puberty years are perplexing, a spelunking mission to unearth all the subterranean treasures of womanhood. Our bodies hold the keys to the mystery of life and sometimes it feels like they won’t shut up about it (here’s a menstrual migraine; remember, I exist!) throwing all manner of self-congratulatory parades to celebrate their achievements. And fair enough: props to the uterus, the ovaries, those neglected fallopian tubes — they deserve it.
The latest discovery in my own reproductive smorgasbord is the ovarian cyst. In the past six months, I’ve had two ruptures: the first during sex, which resulted in muffled screaming on the floor of my boyfriend’s parents’ basement as he hovered over me in just a T-shirt, under the adorably mistaken impression that his penis had somehow punctured a kidney; the second after horseback riding. To the uninitiated, an ovarian cyst rupture feels a bit like a puppy is using your ovary as a chew toy. It is a sudden, wild pain. Just like an orgasm, you’ll know it when you feel it.
These small, fluid-filled sacs develop during the course of a period, and are incredibly common. It’s estimated that almost all women who menstruate will have one or more asymptomatic cysts over the course of their lifetime. Most are functional, formed as part of a menstrual misfire: either the ovarian follicle that usually breaks open to release an egg fails to do so (the resulting fluid forms a follicular cyst), or the follicle doesn’t dissolve after releasing the egg, causing additional fluid build-up that then becomes a corpus luteum cyst. (Other cysts, including growths on the outside of the ovaries or excess endometrial tissue cysts, are less widespread.)
Most women won’t know they have a cyst unless it has grown to a size where it is causing secondary issues, such as bloating or pain during sex, or if it is discovered during a routine pelvic exam or ultrasound. They typically dissolve on their own. Sometimes, however, they cause an ovarian torsion that can cut off blood supply to the ovary (very bad) or a sudden rupture (also very bad) resulting in severe pelvic pain (see above) and/or infection.
While one or two small cysts is nothing to worry about, multiple instances can be a sign of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), an androgen imbalance that not only causes many cysts to grow each cycle, but also irregular periods, excess body hair, acne, weight gain and potential fertility issues. PCOS usually needs to be managed with medication.
Unfortunately, because women’s health research is perpetually underfunded, ovarian cysts are subject to the same generalized medical *shrug* that accompanies PMS or irregular cycles. If you’ve struggled with cysts, you’ve likely been given the following advice: go on birth control to regulate hormone levels, exercise, eat “a balanced diet.” My own primary-care doctor told me I had “highly follicular ovaries” and sent me on my way, a uniquely frustrating experience. I don’t relish the thought of another rupture, but more importantly (more humiliatingly, or vulnerably, or shamefully), I want to start a family soon, and at the ripe old age of 33 (near geriatric, in baby-making years), I’m extra cautious when it comes to health issues related to fertility.
As such, I went to see Tiffany Wyse ND RH, a naturopath and doula in Toronto. “While ovarian cysts are not uncommon, they are definitely something that has become more prolific in recent times,” she said. When it comes to reproductive health, she advocates a deeper intimacy with your body and cycle through methods such as a period journal or app, and believes in treating cysts holistically, as a potential symptom of overall health.
(Important: If you think you might be suffering from ovarian cysts, go see a doctor! The following suggestions are all rooted in traditional healing, but talk to a medical professional before beginning any alternative treatments if you’re concerned.)
Insulin regulation. Increased insulin production has been linked to a disruption in fertility hormones. Wyse advocates regulating your blood sugar through diet and exercise, namely by avoiding refined carbs and sugars. Try small, regular meals throughout the day that are high in protein and healthy fats (avocado, nuts, full-fat dairy).
Liver stimulation. Your liver is responsible for eliminating junk from your system, and while anything that claims to help “flush” toxins is generally bunk, you can work with your liver to praise its good works. Warm water with lemon first thing in the morning is a super easy way to do this; Wyse also suggests castor oil packs, which are said to help stimulate your lymphatic system. Apply castor oil directly to your abdomen or to a warm flannel before wrapping yourself up like an adorable burrito in plastic wrap and an old shirt your shitty ex left behind. Hug a hot water bottle to your overworked ovaries and watch some Grace and Frankie.
Anti-inflammatory diet. Inflammation (caused by an excess of white blood cells) can cause auto-immune issues and other reactive conditions. Anti-inflammatory foods may help reduce pain and can signal your body to chill. Try lots of dark fruits and veggies, beans and legumes, fermented foods, and happy warming spices like turmeric and ginger.
Omega-3s. These fatty acids both reduce inflammation and assist in regulating hormones. Wyse recommended a delightfully witchy combination of flax or pumpkin seeds for the first 14 days of your cycle, followed by evening primrose and fish oil supplements for the following 14. If your cycle is irregular (like mine), you can follow the 28-day moon cycle.
I’m slowly incorporating Wyse’s advice into my lifestyle, and reaching out to all the women in my life (and on the internet, hello!) to ask if they’ll share their experiences with cysts. Ultimately, we are not defined by what our bodies can or cannot do; what feels like treachery is simply biology — ungovernable, uncooperative, miraculous all the same.
Author Meghan Nesmith is a writer and editor living in Toronto. Illustrations by Amber Vittoria; follow her on Instagram @amber_vittoria.
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How to Make Wicker the Star of Your Summer Wardrobe
Stylist Calvy Click got into wicker back when the Jane Birkin-lovefest began to grow on social. That IG-infamous wicker basket she wore as a purse started to trend, and Calvy got the bug as all bugs happen: against her will. She ordered one on Etsy (“Baaaaaahhh,” she emailed me when I asked what prompted her idea for this shoot, “because I’m a fashion sheep like that sometimes. Ugh I know”), but when her bag arrived, rather than feel like the dreaded everyone else, she started to think about how good style means taking something and making it your own, which kicked off “a full-blown wicker obsession.”
Wicker is perfect for for the final bits of spring that peter out into hot, hot summer. (Have you been outside today? Lordy and hello sunshine.) Wicker is light, playful, reminiscent of a picnic basket or a beach tote without being too pack-a-lunch, or too where’s-the-ocean, and this season, the material isn’t just relegated to predictable shapes. So why not blow said full-blown obsession out even further?
With photographer Tory Rust behind the lens — who chose Coney Island as a playground for the wicker to run wild and free, Click put her dreams of woven-twigs together. If this doesn’t get you pumped to play mental hookie, I don’t know what will.
Photos by Tory Rust @toryrust, styled by Calvy Click @calvy.click, modeled by Olantha Moran @olanthamoran of Fenton Models & Maja Brodin @majabrodin of The Society Management, casting by Eric Cano @cano_castings, makeup by Tony Tulve @ttulvemakeup, hair by Jenni Wimmerstedt @ivainane.
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I’m 28 Years Old and I Think I Want Botox
Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder who the fuck that is staring back?
Last week, I woke up and went to the bathroom after I had consumed a generous 3 alcoholic beverages the night before. I noticed that a wrinkle, which has been trying stake claim on the left corner of my lower forehead (but which has so far not succeeded), was inching closer to victory. In response to this development, I began feverishly researching the efficacy of various anti-aging products and, simultaneously, became a little annoyed at myself for caring so much. I didn’t think I’d resist nature taking its course and now, at a still-tender 28, I’m freaking about a thing my face does when I squint? Come on!
Historically, I have looked to women like Joan Didion or Iris Apfel or my own grandmother as beacons of advanced beauty. I have withdrawn myself from conversations on the necessity of makeup as it relates to aging and have openly lauded my burgeoning wrinkles, the very ones which I now want to eradicate. Aging is beautiful and graceful — good and cool until, I guess, it starts happening to you.
And look, I know I’m still practically an infant on this square of the roll of toilet paper that is life. When I watch The Sweetest Thing and see Cameron Diaz talking about her boobs “sagging” at 28, I wonder if she rolls her eyes at herself while watching it now. Still, there is something to be said about entering the vanity vacuum otherwise known as your late 20s, and beginning to wonder all sorts of things you thought you’d never have to ask. Like, for example: Would I ever get Botox? Should I get Botox?
This question is not a big deal for many people, least not being those who get it. Plastic surgeons and dermatologists routinely preach the benefits of Botox as a preventative measure for younger women concerned with their complexion. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and it’s not sitting exactly right with me. Not because I feel holier than thou — like I am above Botox — or because of the stance I have taken against makeup (a function of being 24 — nothing more, nothing less) and pro “going natural.” Mostly, it’s a little sobering to be met by the chilling new truth that I’m not going to be young forever. It sounds so predictable, right? So…compliant with the cues of our youth-obsessed culture. I’d have thought when I got here, I’d be above (or maybe below) this stuff, but it turns out I’m not.
Or maybeeeeeeee, I’m just getting used to my new normal.
When you reach your late 20s, the routine you have developed over the previous decade no longer suffices. You can’t skip nights of washing your face. You wake up with a headache no matter how much, or little, you drank. You have to have water next to your bed because you dehydrate like a house plant. Your boobs don’t sag, but they definitely start to warn you (no matter the cup size) that they are not immune to the rules of gravity. When you run, your knees kind of hurt. And, to my chagrin, you can no longer earnestly write about why you don’t wear makeup because, you know, you do wear makeup. With every passing adjustment to your routine (rotating drinks with water, replacing cardio with yoga, writing about foundation with the same passion you once assigned to bare skin), it becomes clear as day that getting older isn’t exciting the way it was when you were 15 and gunning for a driver’s permit, or 20 and gunning for a real ID.
When you’re 28, reality stands firmly ahead. You’re only going to get older. You have to! If you don’t, the alternative is much worse.
Maybe this is not the experience of other late 20-somethings, but do you remember the first episode of the first season of Girls? Hannah Horvath’s gynecologist told her that she couldn’t pay her any sum of money to go back to her 20s. I did not get it at all when I was 23 and the show aired, but now that I’m paradoxically trying to accelerate time (I want Botox to look younger, but also to hit 30 — where I have heard your shit starts to really fall into place — before these last two years kill me), I think I get it.
Decades grace us with their wisdom at different stages. You hit the social basics between ages 7 and 9, the formative years of learning your cues. You are your most emotionally fertile between 15 and 17. And by the time you hit 28? You are practically emerging from an existential birth canal wherein you think you know yourself, you realize you don’t, you start learning yourself and then…I don’t know, I’m still in the birth canal. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, I am probably not going to get Botox. It feels like reacting to a headline without actually having read the article. An inkling of emotional response, but not enough information.
Photos by Edith Young.
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May 17, 2017
Instagram Filters are Here, Is Snapchat Over? 3 Teens Weigh In
Instagram Stories launched selfie filters yesterday, thus ascending the final step in becoming Snapchat (but better).
There are eight initial “face filters”: Gold Crown, Koala, Nerd Glasses, Bunny, Butterfly Crown, Ice Crown, Peacock and Makeup. If any of these sound familiar, it’s because they were poached directly from that little white ghost’s fluttery fingers. (Does it strike anyone else as eerily foreboding that Snapchat’s icon is a dead spirit?)
In response to accusations of copying, an Instagram spokesperson said, “There’s a lot of exciting work being done around augmented reality. We’ve heard from our community that they want more creative ways to share everyday moments and engage with friends. With face filters, they have more tools than ever at their fingertips, and all in one place.”
It’s a dodge for sure, but I’m not super salty about Instagram copying Snapchat, mainly because Instagram Stories are just so much better. I am fully ready to declare Snapchat obsolete. I stopped using it almost entirely when Instagram Stories started rolling out vastly superior features such as the ability to pause a story or rewind. Every improvement was like aloe vera on a sunburn. Why would I go back to the regular old sunburn?
But I’m speaking from the perspective of an ancient, one who is well past puberty. The minds of teens are different. I know this because I recently asked one what websites she reads every day and she looked at my like I’d just asked her how often she voluntarily drinks expired dairy milk.
“I just click on links in my Facebook news feed or in Instagram bios,” she said. “I don’t go to websites.” That’s when I realized my daily practice of typing www.manrepeller.com into my internet browser belongs in one of those corded-off displays at the Museum of Natural History.
I was immediately curious as to how teenagers would respond to Instagram Stories’ new feature, so I reached out to a few to glean fresh teen takes.
“Certain aspects of Instagram Stories, like Boomerangs, have really taken off, but I don’t think kids are forgetting Snapchat at all,” said 17-year-old Olivia. “It’s still the OG of filters, and although Instagram filters are neat and cool, Snapchat is a completely different kind of social platform. I don’t think either one will be completely forgotten! We use Instagram stories more, but we use the filters on Snapchat more. Does that make sense? We enjoy Snapping more, but if we have something we wanna share with everyone on social media, we choose Instagram stories because we like the Boomerang effect so much.”
15-year-old Caroline agrees that Snapchat isn’t going anywhere. “I use Snapchat every day and have long Snapchat streaks with at least 10 people,” she said. “My friends don’t use Insta stories at all. Snapchat stories are more casual because I follow fewer people on Snapchat. If I put something on an Insta story, I know it has to be really good because over 500 followers will see it.”
I sourced a third opinion because third teen’s the charm, right? “I think Instagram’s new filters are fine and it doesn’t really bother me that they are blatantly copying Snapchat,” said 15-year-old Luke. “I think everyone still uses Snapchat and there is no way for Instagram to completely replicate Snapchat.”
So, to conclude: The teen take on Snapchat’s fate is incredibly murky. PSYCH. Teens are so loyal these days. The subtext of their responses seems to indicate that Snapchat still has the upper hand when it comes to more intimate exchanges, while Instagram and Instagram Stories are reserved for “polished” dispatches. I’m curious how much longer that will remain the status quo, though. While relatively new compared to Snapchat, Instagram’s “direct messaging” feature performs essentially the same function in terms of tailoring your audience. Maybe it just needs a little time to catch up. At the rate Instagram Stories has been rolling out Snapchat (but better) improvements, I’m finding it harder and harder to credit the app with much staying power. But that could just be my 25-year-old cynicism talking.
Collage by Maria Jia Ling Pitt.
The post Instagram Filters are Here, Is Snapchat Over? 3 Teens Weigh In appeared first on Man Repeller.
What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom
The stories of “glass-ceiling breakers” that are so prevalent in 2017 are no doubt inspiring — but so, too, are the stories of those women who make a different kind of life choice, one outside the world of 9-to-5. We put a call out to our networks: “Looking for a stay-at-home-mom to discuss what it’s like. We want to know the highs, the lows, the realities, the joys.” The woman I spoke with is someone who, after 12 years of focusing her life around her kids, husband and home, wants to charge after her career. She was candid and honest about the joys and the challenges of her experience, one that is worthy of being heard and celebrated. Below, her story.
I moved to the midwest from New York about 12 years ago at the height of a 10-year-long career in PR. My husband’s job brought us here; it was between this or London. Then we found out we were having twins.
At first, right before I had the twins, I held on to my career as though my life depended on it. I worked as close to the due date as possible. Colleagues said to me, “Watch out, you don’t want to stop working, because once you do, it’s hard to jump back in.” I didn’t believe them. 12 years later and it’s been in and out [of working]. I’m fortunate that I have the opportunity to spend more time with my family, to be a mom, to fill in the gaps while my husband travels. He gives us a life where I don’t have to work. I love working, though. It had formed my whole identity.
When I had the twins, I had an identity crisis. I was lost in space. Who am I? I used to be so good at something, but now I’m doing this other thing that I have no idea how to do. My husband loves kids. He wanted a whole bunch of children. I was trying to figure out how to breastfeed two newborn twins with this new reality hitting me. I wanted to go back to what I used to know how to do, what I loved to do.
I’m lucky. I have four children now, who are very nurturing. My daughter was born ready to take care of her twin brother. She’s so naturally maternal. My third is that way, too, she’s unbelievable. She’s a rockstar, but she’s the one who gave me all the gray hair and wrinkles. The doctors called her “an eggshell baby” — she was born blue and no one knew why. We bonded over her survival. It wasn’t until my fourth child, my son, that I had that natural maternal feeling. I love all my children, I’ve bonded with all of them individually, but with him, I didn’t have to pretend [at the beginning]. It was just there. Life is funny like that. You don’t have any say in how this plays out.
After my youngest child, the one who is always by my side, was getting ready to go to kindergarten — he’s been the hardest one for me to leave — I thought, Okay, I want to get back into work again. I ended up seeing a life coach. I met this guy at a coffee shop, and I could hardly talk to him, I was so full of tears, like, “I don’t know what I have to offer, it’s been too long.” I wanted to step back into this part of myself.
My family was supportive. My children were proud. They didn’t know anything about who I was or what I did before they came about.
Meeting with a life coach was awesome because he helped me get ready and feel powerful. Part of meeting with him was literally a pep talk, simply, “You can do this.” He made me believe that I could go after what I really wanted. I started to ask, “Why not me?” It became my mantra.
I worked on getting back to my career. I ended up with a dream opportunity that fell into my lap. And yet, when I went and interviewed, they said to me, “We know you have four children. How do you think you’re going to do this job and be a mother to four children?”
I made it through the interview and left with a little bit of dignity, but felt defeated. I didn’t think it was going to happen. To get away, I took the children on a trip back east to see their grandparents. We stayed at a place with poor wifi, so I wasn’t checking email. Apparently, I got an offer for the job. When I finally got in touch, they said they didn’t hear from me right away and assumed something was wrong. Why didn’t they try to call me?
My dad said I dodged a bullet.
Life happened again after that. My husband had a health issue. My daughter, my third kid, needed a hearing aid. I was dealing with vertigo, which I’ve never had before. I felt like everything was falling through the cracks, including me. How could I have been working full-time with that going on?
That’s what’s challenging. Anytime I am involved in a project, whether paid or as a volunteer, something’s neglected. I’ll rock something, and then three kids get strep. Something always suffers while you’re kicking butt. There’s no way everyone is getting everything done at same time.
I’m still riding out this whole mentality of: How do I [restart my career and] juggle this busy family? I refuse to believe it’s never going to happen. There is a bias when you have taken this road trip, this detour, the family thing. You really have to own your choice. You have to be ready to say, I’m going to go back into this with gusto. It’s not easy, I’ll just say that.
I volunteer to help people who move here from Syria and Somalia to find their way. These women have more children than I have, no partner, no financial security whatsoever, and they figure it out. They inspire me.
Motherhood makes you feel like a superhero. You look back at things in your past that seemed hard, that you were afraid to try, and think, Why didn’t I say yes to that? You want to take risks for your own self-worth and because you have these people, these children, looking up to you as role models. I want them to be up there killing it when they’re older. I watched my husband teach my daughter to ride her bike the other day, and the look of pure grit and determination on her face — I was so proud of her. I was like, That’s who I need to be right now.
Illustrations by Maria Jia Ling Pitt.
The post What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom appeared first on Man Repeller.
How to Turn One T-Shirt Into 6 Different Outfits
This month’s installment of 5 Ways, 5 Days features Lili Chemla, designer of Liana Clothing, in one tee (and a bonus outfit for extra credit).
…Does anyone else have a supply of “just in case” tees that you can’t seem to part with because WHAT IF (and then the train of thought ends there)? Does that WHAT IF moment never seem to come as often as you find yourself elbow-deep in cotton searching for the one shirt you want to wear? Do you ever tell yourself, “This is ridiculous — all I really need is one tee,” then laugh at such a preposterous idea? If yes, or honestly, even if no, Lili Chemla, designer of the T-shirt line Liana Clothing, is your girl. She made her “The Glitter” tee work for six days, six different ways. See if you can make it all the way to the end without pausing for a round of spring tee cleaning.
Day 1:
Liana Clothing hoodie, vintage skirt — another here, Gucci shoes, Liana clothing socks, Alison Lou necklace
My day-to-night look. A casual skirt with a rhinestone zip seemed appropriate for both. I made sure my pink hoodie matched my socks and the velvet trim around the hood matched my skirt. (I’m probably the only one who notices.)
Day 2:
Adidas pants, Superga shoes, Liana clothing socks, Alison Lou necklace
My weekend look (and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday). Comfort comes first, always, but the glitter tee and glitter socks make it clear that I didn’t just roll out of bed.
Day 3:
Avenue Montaigne pants, Prada coat, Gucci shoes, Le Petit Joueurs bag, Alison Lou rings
It’s rare to find me dressed up, but when I have something to go to, this is what you’ll find me in: an elevated basic tee to make the outfit feel special while also maintaining a level of overall comfort. The Avenue Montaigne stretch pants I’m wearing here are flattering even on my worst days, and my bag and shoes help to make the outfit “pop.”
Day 4:
Vintage Norma Kamali coat — similar here, vintage Chanel denim skirt, Puma shoes, Liana Clothing socks, Oliver Peoples sunglasses, Alison Lou earrings
Here we have another day-to-night look; it’s always easier to have the option due to all the travel time out here. I had drinks after work, so I wanted to wear something that allowed me to go straight out. I threw the jacket on after the office because the temperature drops drastically at night in LA. I liked the shirt tucked in here to show the button details on the skirt. My red socks have silver glitter on top to match the stripe on my shoes; I added Poison Ivy Alison Lou earrings to pull the outfit together.
Day 5:
Liana Clothing hoodie, vintage dress — another here, Juicy shoes, Staud bag
My weekend coffee-run attire. I personally never like the way strapless dresses look on me, so I always put one of my tees underneath. The glitter tee works especially well in the daytime, because then it really shines. I added a velvet hoodie around my waist to serve as a belt until I get cold, and I love my velvet Juicy sneakers. They pair well with all the velvet in my closet.
Day 6:
Levi’s jeans, Puma shoes, Liana Clothing socks, Alison Lou rings
I like to joke that my office has a strictly socks policy, so the slides make it easy for me. I keep this small pouch in my backpack to hold all the important go-to girly things, ya know!?
Check out Liana Clothing and follow on Instagram @lianaclothing. Photos by Charlotte Patterson; follow her on Instagram @chardawg.
The post How to Turn One T-Shirt Into 6 Different Outfits appeared first on Man Repeller.
The Biggest Relationship Deal Breaker I Ever Ignored
I told him I was looking for a pen, but the truth is I was snooping.
I used to be a real snoop. I was so curious as to what everyone around me was privately thinking. The only thing standing between me and anyone’s diary was a heaping pile of guilt, which I’m ashamed to admit didn’t always stop me. Eventually I learned, very definitively, that nothing good comes of it, ever, and I began to see it for the dubious breakdown of the golden rule that it is. Back in 2008, though, I only understood such a decency intellectually. I had yet to learn it the hard way.
One afternoon, I was hanging out in the bedroom of my first serious boyfriend while he was in class. We were about a year deep. We were technically happy (everyone dreams of being technically happy), but he’d broken up with me in a dramatic fashion about six months prior, and once we got back together, I had lingering doubts as to whether we were solid. This, of course, is how looking for a pen in his desk animorphed me into a raccoon sniffing around a dumpster. AND BOY, DID I SCORE SOME TRASH.
It was a small piece of paper. I can’t recall why it caught my eye. I picked it up with almost-psychic confidence. As I unfolded it, I knew immediately that I’d hit the shitty jackpot. I sat down on his bed, without so much as a blink or a breath, and read:
I was bowled over. I felt like I’d just peered into my own soul and finally understood myself.
Just kidding. WTF w/ TWO SYNONYMS FOR CUTE WASTING A QUARTER OF MY PRO SLOTS? I am also funny, fucker!
While was nowhere to be found, I never doubted the list was about me. The cons are all absolutely true, even still. And for the record, he meant literal board games, not like ~waiting to to text back.~ Trust me. This is a kid who was passionate about beer bongs.
I put the piece of paper back and returned to my homework, shaken. When he got back later that day, I knew that’d I’d cave and tell him. It was just too absurd to keep to myself. Oddly enough, my concern was not for the totally batshit contents of the list. I was just curious as to why the hell it existed. Was he thinking about ending things?
We sat down and I confessed I’d “stumbled” across the note while searching for a pen — an all-but-blatant lie — and was perplexed by it. My memory of the conversation is a little blurry (it was a decade ago!), but I know he told me the list was from a while back, when he was having doubts about us. He assured me it didn’t mean anything and I probably assured him I was game to change my personality. I was mostly interested in making the whole confrontation an enjoyable experience for him. I was just a good girlfriend, you know? We dropped it pretty quickly and didn’t break up for another six months. That it didn’t become a running joke was, in my opinion, singular evidence of our demise.
Him: Want to play Cranium?
Me: Did you forget? I DON’T LIKE GAMES!
The best part of breaking up and moving on is taking mental note of the red flags you missed. Of all the warning signs I’ve breezed past, the pro/con list is my absolute favorite. I really love it and wish I had it framed in my living room. In hindsight, the list’s existence doesn’t shock me (I had my own versions in the form of nauseatingly long Word documents), but the contents of it are so telling. They truly tickle me. That my best qualities in his eyes — cute, fun, nice, hot — were nowhere close to the ones I valued in myself and would prefer to be loved for — my mind, personality, literally anything else — should have been a smack upside the head for me. That mismatch was exactly why we didn’t work. Our values were off-the-charts different.
What was your biggest missed deal breaker? A red flag retro-identified is still a red flag.
Illustrations by Maria Jia Ling Pitt.
The post The Biggest Relationship Deal Breaker I Ever Ignored appeared first on Man Repeller.
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