Leandra Medine's Blog, page 359

Two Vintage Shopping Experts Reveal Their Top-Secret Tips

There are three things that tend to make me very sweaty: SoulCycle, dentist appointments and vintage shopping. I don’t think I need to justify the first two, because cardiovascular exercise and sharp metal objects in my mouth are pretty universal triggers for swampy armpits. As for vintage shopping? It just overwhelms me. I always end up biting off more than I can chew, whether I’m trying to cram too many stores into one shopping trip or I bringing an exorbitant number of clothes into an inevitably tiny dressing room with way-too-hot overheard lighting and no mirror. And then I don’t end up buying anything because I’m frustrated or tired or in a rush to get home to press cool compresses against my vintage-fevered forehead whilst clicking through the soothing, familiar portals of my favorite online commercial retailers. Anyone else?

Needless to say, I leapt at the opportunity to pepper Marlene Wetherell (vintage shop owner) and Felicity Sargent (vintage shopping aficionado) with questions. These two women really know their stuff, and I was fully prepared to plug my brain into theirs with a two-pronged USB cord and download all their hard-earned knowledge, but they actually gave it up voluntarily and Felicity styled some of her best scores upon her very own, very cool self. Thanks to their insider tips, I’m now practically a vintage whiz. I can probably even forgo deodorant next time I venture forth. Click through the eye feast above, bask in their wisdom below, and you, too, can join my sweat-free vintage shopping extravaganza.

If you fall in love with a vintage piece that’s not the right size, is it still worth buying? 

Felicity Sargent: If something is a few sizes too big, you can wear it oversize, belted, cuffed, tied, etc. But if you need to reconstruct the garment to make it wearable, that’s probably more of a hassle than it’s worth (or worse still, you might never get around to it!). There are, of course, exceptions — and I’m totally guilty of indulging in things “with potential” just because I love the pattern or the cut.

Marlene Wetherell: I think it’s always worth it if you love it — too big or too small — vintage pieces have so much versatility. You can get creative by wearing something back to front, removing shoulder pads…don’t be too literal! Vintage items are often more “timeless” than “trendy,” so you have more flexibility with how you interpret them, as long as you use your imagination.

Emanuel Ungaro late ’70s wool, patterned, belted jacket; Dolce & Gabbana ’90s pants; Yves Saint Laurent ’80s pendant and chain; Manolo Blahnik shoes

What about shoes?

FS: Vintage shoes are tricky. It’s hard finding a good pair that isn’t too worn out, not to mention actually pulling them off (those who can deserve a PhD in empathy because they’re *literally* putting themselves in other people’s shoes — ha). If you do happen upon a great pair, I recommend taking them to a cobbler to get the soles reinforced before wearing them. I once found a fabulous pair of ’90s Moschino striped, heeled loafers, and within five minutes of wearing them, the heel fell off.

MW: Vintage shoes can be tricky. I wore a wonderful pair of Prada velvet platform sandals in the rain, and they completely fell apart because the glue disintegrated. I had to walk home barefoot on New York City sidewalks!

Is there such a thing as “too much” money to spend on a vintage item? Or should you actually be willing to spend more than you normally would?

FS: It depends. Similar to antiques. there’s vintage and then there’s “rare/collectible” vintage. Just like with regular shopping, it makes sense to “splurge” on either statement-making, iconic pieces that hold their value or something you know you’ll wear all the time. I always luck out with ’70s to ’80s high-waist trousers from YSL. They aren’t cheap, but you can still get a better deal buying them vintage than you would hunting for an equivalent on the present-day market. Plus, the vintage ones are timeless, and the quality is incredible.

MW: When you see an iconic piece, such as a YSL 1968 Safari Tunic (Saharienne), or a YSL Mondrian dress, the higher cost is justified. Middle-range pieces should be reasonable, though — even ones with designer labels. That said, when you compare the quality of designer vintage pieces and how well they are made, $550 to $750 is not too much to spend on something like a blazer, let’s say. Vintage shopping and investment shopping shouldn’t be mutually exclusive.

Unknown ’50s couture tiered cocktail dress, Chanel shoes, The Brave Collection anklet

If you’re someone who gets intimidated or overwhelmed by vintage shopping, what’s the best place to start? Do you have a strategy for beginners?

FS: Go shopping with an “experienced” vintage lover, because she or he will probably take you to the best stores — or, if you’re at a fair, the best booths. I personally think outerwear and jackets are a great place to start. A jacket is easy to try on, and there are so many interesting silhouettes. Also, don’t get anxious about the fact that everything is one-of-a-kind; I’ve seen beginner vintage shoppers rush into buying something because they’re so worried it will get snatched up, but I truly believe that if it’s meant to be, it will be. If only I could apply such zen wisdom to other areas of my life…

MW: My advice to beginners is always, “do your research.” Look through old issues of Vogue or Harper’s Bazaar to educate yourself about different designers and dog-ear pages with looks that appeal to you. Visiting vintage websites is also helpful to familiarize yourself with pricing, as is buying from shops with “reputable” and knowledgeable dealers. It may take a bit of time, but it’s worth it. When you start to feel like you know what you’re looking at, venture out to flea markets and thrift shops. You can find some really good bargains, but it requires a lot of patience…and rifling through some pretty gruesome things.

Is it okay to bargain?

FS: I usually start by asking, “Is this the best you can do?” while plastering the human equivalent of that “toothy grin” emoji across my face. Oh, and ask for a “volume discount” if you shop in groups — that way when you’re with a bunch of friends and you all want something from the same vendor, you can say something like, “could you cut us a deal for all three items?” When that works, it truly feels like an all-around win. But my #1 rule is always be polite.

MW: Yes, you can always ask politely. There is usually room for negotiation.

Best thing you’ve ever scored?

FS: Tough one! I recently acquired a three-piece, raw silk, “millennial pink” Chanel suit from the ’90s that fit perfectly and was priced under $400. That felt like a pretty solid score.

MW: Several…a YSL couture day dress and a 1968 “Saharienne” a la Veruschka.

Favorite vintage spots in NYC? Online?

FS: Marlene’s — and I’m not just saying that. I’ve been going to her store since I moved to New York seven years ago because her curation is unrivaled. Plus, she has an encyclopedic knowledge of every period, designer, etc., and she’s a great storyteller, so you can shop and learn at the same time. I also love Amarcord in Williamsburg, Maeven vintage online, and the Na Nin Vintage Instagram always has pretty things. I occasionally enjoy searching on Etsy and eBay, though I rarely buy anything online. I also usually go to the fairs, like Manhattan Vintage and A Current Affair — but be forewarned: They are overwhelming. Bring water and cash; wear comfy shoes and something you can easily try things on over. (Ed note: Is she speaking directly to my soul!?!?)

MW: My Shop! Marlene Wetherell Vintage Fashion. I also love Edith Machinist, and La Double J in Milan has a great online store.

Anything else you want people to know?

FS: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” George Eliot said that, and I totally think she was talking about wearing vintage clothes.

MW: Never wear vintage head-to-toe!

Photos by Edith Young. 

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5 Cards to Send to (Whoever You Consider to be) Mom

Mother’s Day is so many things: a celebration of motherhood, an appreciation of what that means physically and emotionally, an arms-open acknowledgement of those mothers who may not be moms in the traditional sense but who encompass the most important attributes (like a superhuman ability to love — aww!). It’s an opportunity for moms to make mom jokes like, “Excuse me, every day is Mother’s Day!” and for us to agree in admiration. Macaroni noodles get a lot of playtime on Mother’s Day, as do flowers, massage gift certificates and of course, cards. The card can be the hardest part. They’re either too cheesy, not applicable to your situation or leak glitter or sing. So, we made a few MR-tinged greetings to better suit your style. You and your mom (whatever mom means to you) are a special pair, after all.

Now pick out your card to print or email before the piece of dust in my eye starts to make me cry.

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Illustration by Juliana Vido; follow her on Instagram @julianavido.

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I Think I’ve Been Abusing the Concept of “Self-Care”

When I first came across the idea of self-care, it was a total game changer. Suddenly I could say “no” to dinner plans without feeling guilty. I could do things for me, just me, simply because I knew what was best for my well-being.

Self-care — at least my interpretation of it — taught me that when I’m feeling overwhelmed, I can flick on an old episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine in the middle of a hectic day or lay down for a quick nap to recharge. These little free passes have, at times, helped me to feel more balanced. They’ve abated my stress levels and even made me more efficient at work than if I’d slogged through task after task after task without a moment of rest.

Initially, self-care changed my life. But after a while, something felt off. It got to the point where sometimes I couldn’t tell if I was engaging in genuine self-care or just procrastinating — disengaging and detaching myself from my responsibilities.

A few weeks ago, I was incredibly stressed with work and school and decided to take a Netflix break. One episode turned into two until, three hour-long episodes later, I decided I’d finally gathered up enough energy to keep working — but by then it was midnight and I figured I’d better get to bed. Did I really need three hours of entertainment for self-care, or was I hitting “Next Episode” because I wanted to put off my to-do list, to run from my obligations?

Too often I found myself confusing self-care with relaxing (but unhealthy) indulgences that detached me from the minutiae of my life. I’d look down at my phone for a five-minute break and burn out my thumb tapping “like” while scrolling Instagram. A 15-minute power nap would become a full REM cycle.

It became hard to draw a line because, when I’ve been stretched to my limit, sometimes I legitimately do need to take a full night for myself. Other times, what I dub a “self-care” break is far less for the preservation of my mental health and, I suspect, much more about a temporary escape, of being able to do whatever I want without worrying about the bigger picture. Finally I realized that the line was too important to leave undefined.

So I’ve started to parse self-care from indulgence by tracking how I feel after I do it. I’ve noticed that when I really do need a break and I take a bubble bath or read a few chapters of a book, I feel refreshed — I want to get back to the grind, I’m gunning to get things done, I feel energized. But when I use self-care as an excuse, the opposite happens: I feel less productive than I did before.

Self-care is important to me. But I’ve learned over-indulging can have consequences, too. And left unchecked, who knows? Maybe I’d be watching Netflix instead of writing this very sentence.

Collage by Emily Zirimis.

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The World Has Changed, Paris Hilton Has Not

There is something oddly comforting, in the midst of the chaotic cultural turmoil and turnover that’s defined this decade, that Paris Hilton hasn’t changed. Her life is still defined by jet-setting between luxury hotels and flashy night clubs; by long platinum blonde hair and a singsong voice; by a Beverly Hills mansion decked out in pink frills, Pomeranians and massive portraits of her own face.

As everyone’s favorite decade rears its bedazzled head in the form of Juicy Couture tracksuits and tiaras, people are checking back in on Paris. I suppose it only makes sense, as our nostalgia creeps out of the ’90s and into the aughts, that it would extend to the decade’s favorite It Girl. She’s the perfect canvas upon which to vomit our sentimentality: present-day Paris is a living and breathing vestige of the the exact woman the world was fascinated by 15 years ago. She’s still calling herself a socialite and saying, “That’s hot.” She still embodies a frivolous energy. She’s still so unserious.

via W

“Paris Hilton Invented Everything You’re Doing in 2017, and She Knows It,” was the headline of her profile in W Magazine, published this morning. In it, Paris discusses how she pioneered the modern selfie and is flattered when new trends nod at her 2000s style. “To now see things on the runway, and to see girls wearing things that I used to wear is really cool because nobody really dressed like me back in the day,” she tells W. When Kendall Jenner recreated her 21st birthday look on her own 21st birthday, Paris thought it was “the ultimate compliment.”

Paris never really went away. Over the past two decades, she’s built a business empire worth billions (with a $5 million inheritance), has become a million-dollar-a-night DJ and has been posting things like this to her 6.9 million followers to high praise:

Barbie is my #SpiritAnimal ✨

5 Spring Essentials That Perhaps Never Occurred to You

Who decided that a spring wardrobe essential had to be so literal? That in order for it to be an essential, the kind of reliable thing you can wear often, it also had to be boring? Like toast or a GG cracker. Fashion publications are always extolling the virtues of these essentials — trench coats and striped shirts and ballet flats and umbrellas — as if every single time spring comes around, you owe it to yourself to refresh them. When, pray tell, does it end? Do you really need more than one trench? More than a couple of striped shirts? More than your own umbrella? I am skeptical. And because I have also outed myself as maximal, I reject the idea that your wardrobe needs boring, practical things. The truth is that it probably needs nothing, but if you can feel the hole beginning to burn through your pocket as if flaming candle wax to a tablecloth, I have a couple of recommendations that don’t include jeans or a blazer or any of that.

Ready?

Item #1: Satin Slides.

Tradmark, Aeyde and Chanel slides

Because I am decidedly good at torturing myself, I am going to recommend that the first thing you buy this spring is a pair of satin slides. Wedge mules are on the up-and-up, but a sensible heel you can walk in works fine, too.

If you’re wondering how to wear them, might I recommend a pair of white kneecap leggings with an oversize white button-down and hey! This makes for a perfect parlay into…

Item #2: A Waist Belt. Is this the ’80s reincarnate? If you want to think that, go ahead. But to be honest, the theme is really more in line with the sum of my life’s passion and inspiration — season four of Sex and the City. Wear it with your leggings, button-down and satin mules and when you’re sick of dressing like a parody of yourself, put on one of the floral dresses you bought last year or the year before that or the year before that and belt that shit with one of these:

Item #3: A Floral Brooch (or Two).

Amazon yellow, Amazon peach and Gucci brooch

Do you see how these items are all connecting to each other? Floral broochery is a mainstay of Sex and the City style, which really makes me wonder if I’m imposing another genre of cues from early aughts on you, but I feel how I feel. What I want you to do is go to Amazon, pick up a brooch, thank Gucci for inspiring you on your way out and then pin it to the trench coat you got last year. The blazer you bought the year before. The raincoat you may have bought last month. When it gets hot, please also pin it to your bathing suit.

Item #4: Seafood for Your Ears!

Dolce & Gabbana fish earrings from Farfetch.com and Dolce & Gabbana lobster earrings

Hoops, shmoops. Fruit, shmuit. Classic, shmassic. I could go on if you want me to? I am particularly keen on crustacean bottom feeders as the !!!ultimate!!! piece to buy to usher in spring, but maybe you are more of a kosher fish-with-scales kind of woman (or man!). Either way, I would go so far as to recommend that, if you can muster together a spring shopping budget, you might blow the entire load on a single piece of jewelry that can genuinely take a blasé outfit (see: the navy-blue, linen button-down shirt I am wearing right now with white, high-waist jeans and beige lace-up sandals), and turn it into something fun-as-fuq.

Item #5: Sunglasses.

KALEOS, Pawaka and Rosie Assoulin x Morgenthal Fredrics sunglasses

Not a unique spring “essential” per se — think of them as an evergreen face mask.

!Bonus! I want a pair of light-pink, high-waist pants. No professional would recommend acquiring these under the guise of a spring investment, but I think that is the precise reason that, should you feel intrigued by the notion of these pants:

You go for it.

Photos by Edith Young.

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How I’m Paying for Laser Hair-Removal (Even Though I Can’t Really Afford It)

Everyone always says to me, “Amelia, you are so lucky that your is hair so thick. You’re like a horse.” I accept the compliment and smile because yes, I am lucky. This equine mane not only allows me to bond with wild mustangs, it also retains the scent of every restaurant I’ve ever been in. More than anything, it means I hit the jackpot with fat-follicle’d parents. But no good gene ever goes unpunished. For every superfluous strand that grows on my head, at least three sprout on my legs.

I am always shaving. When I’m not shaving, I’m complaining about how I need to shave. Where I don’t shave, I wax, which means I’m in a constant state of dreading something. Both are imperfect solutions if you prefer to be as hairless as a tooth, as I do, and are worsened by a propensity for being lazy, which I am. Shaving leads to razor burn, ingrowns, 5 o’clock shadow, a debilitating fear of goosebumps and time spent in the shower that I just do not have. Waxing also leads to ingrowns, requires diligent scheduling and an awkward week of growth (thus defeating the whole “hairless” point, no?), plus it hurts. In all my years of waxing, it’s never not been brutal. The last time I got waxed, feet in the air and fury swirling though my body (at the woman ripping hair out of my skin, at myself for paying her to do this, at my inability to accept that my unique and individual physical manifestation of a human female includes hair in places other than the head, brow and eyelid), I decided to put an end to the torture and invest in some laser beams.

Laser hair-removal is blindingly expensive. It’s so expensive that a lot of places make you go in for a consultation to discuss the price, as though laser hair-removal were a long-term relationship breakup and estheticians “owed it to you” to “tell you to your face.” (I was recommended six sessions per area, not including touch-ups — we’ll get to the math in a second.) It works by using a heated laser to damage hair follicles which, over time, reduces growth. The laser targets hair pigment, so the general understanding is that the lighter your skin tone and the darker the hair, the better.* As a white cactus, this makes me an ideal candidate. If I could take a time machine back to 2001 to tell my younger self, “Girl, one day you will be thrilled your legs look like mayonnaise that black a cat rubbed up against,” I would. I wonder what the older me will wish she could come back and say to my current self about the amount of money I have spent so far in total.

After the following disclaimer, let’s talk numbers.

*No matter your skin tone or hair color, go in for a consultation. Different places will have different answers, different lasers, different recommendations. Dr. Paul Jarrod Frank, Cosmetic Dermatologist, uses the LightSheer Desire Laser on his patients. The industry’s “Gold-Standard,” he says, “has been clinically proven to safely and effectively treat all skin types for both women and men.”

I’m just going off of what my esthetician repeats to me each and every time I see her. Each and every time.

Once it was decided that I’d go forward with this irresponsible financial decision, I prioritized which areas I’d laser first. While lasering, you’re to avoid sun exposure on the treated area. I’m a rule-follower, so this eliminated any hopes of doing legs until September, which meant armpits and my nether regions were up first. As I wrote above, I was recommended six sessions per area, five weeks apart. I began at the top of March and have an August graduation date.

Which leads us to the money convo.

Armpits, considered a small area, are the cheapest option: $55 for a single session; $279 for a package of six. Brazilian, a larger area, is $129 for a single session, $649 for a package of six. Legs, a giant area (?), which I’ll start from thigh to ankle in September because I am not one of those people who “doesn’t have to shave above the knee,” are $270 for a single session, $1,379 for a package of six.

They tell you about the single session (which doesn’t really help anyone, because who gets lasered just once?) to make you think you’re getting a deal. I committed to blasting the follicles of my armpits and my Brazilian topography into oblivion, which came out to $928 total.

Because the laser center where I go to have money singed off my bank account is as accommodating as my desperation will allow, they let me pay half that during session one, and half during second two. That’s $464 twice, spaced five weeks apart  — strategically planned with with rent and payday in mind.

Because I can’t handle a $464 hit twice in five weeks on body hair, emotionally, I split that up between two cards: debit and credit — $232 — and do the tip ($30 — because $928 divided by six sessions is $154.6) in cash.

Legs are going to be harder: $1,379 total for six sessions. Split twice, that’s $689.50, five to six weeks apart. That’s $344.75 on my debit, $344.75 on my credit card and a $45 cash tip if I do a full 20%. When September comes, that means saving an extra $225.5 for two months so as to not feel the burn. I don’t know if you remember my money diary, but that means I need to sit at home and not move for a week. To answer your other question, yes, I am still trying to become responsible, so here’s what I’ve given (or am working on giving) up:

Manicures: I can DIY them.

Haircuts: It’s almost the summer. This is the one area on my body (besides lids and brows) where I welcome hair growth.

Cabs: This is a work in lazy/late process but I, my friends, am doing a lot more walking.

Two or more drinks on weeknight dinners: I really only need one, if that.

No appetizers: Just eat the free bread.

Mid-day snacks: I’ll bring an apple instead and chug water. I don’t need a $5.00 kombucha.

Skipping workout classes: I get charged when I miss a class and used to suck up the loss. No more in the name of being slick like a baby seal.

Plus, I keep selling stuff from my closet.

I am probably the only person in this industry getting lasered who is actually paying for it full price. Many places offer press discounts. Some will offer free sessions if you’re reporting on the matter. Me? I’m writing about this because it’s the only thing I’m talking about to anyone who will listen. It is life-changing. I am obsessed. I didn’t have to shave my armpits until the middle of the fourth week after my first session, and that was just your usual day-old stubble.

That said, SATORI LASER ON 14TH STREET IN MANHATTAN, FEEL FREE TO THROW ME A BONE. Horse mane and eyebrows aside, I would like to enter summer 2018 as a fully hairless cat.

Illustration by Anna Hegarty.

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Iconic Actress Ali MacGraw on Expensive Things and Getting Older

Ali MacGraw — legendary actress, model, stylist and animal rights activist — is standing next to me before a small continental breakfast at the Lotos Club on the Upper East Side. We’re in the breakfast room debating between blueberry or strawberry yogurt. The selection’s whatever but the historic space is striking and handsome, like something from another world, another Manhattan. And here’s MacGraw, right at home, bustling about, mingling with fellow diners while pouring coffee for us both. She is charismatic and charming, impossible not to gravitate toward. In an all-black outfit (a tee, skinny jeans, flats), with a blue scarf, a stack of blue beaded necklaces and Santa Fe silver hanging from her lobes, she is exactly what you think of when you use the word “chic,” minus the intimidating or untouchable context that often goes with it.

At 78, she says her style hasn’t changed much, though she appreciates that there’s less stress on “the look of the moment” when it comes to fashion today — that now, one can dress however he or she wants and still look stylish.

We’ve met to discuss her collaboration with Ibu, a collection of designs sourced from 71 female-centric artisan groups from 34 countries with a showroom based in Charleston, South Carolina.

Ibu Sufi Jacket, Ali’s Favorite Necklace, Job’s Tears Necklace

MacGraw met Ibu’s founder, Susan Hull Walker, at The International Folk Art Festival in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where MacGraw lives. Artisans from all over the world come to participate and everybody in town volunteers. “2,000 of us do the grunt work: bring the water, sell the stuff, unpack,” she says. “It’s on this gorgeous pavilion between all of our museums on a hill under the New Mexico sky.”

Each year she would spot Walker, whose style appealed to MacGraw, a self-described “thrift shop, hippie market kind of [woman].” She finally introduced herself to Walker, who asked MacGraw to be an ambassador and design a collection. From there, a collaboration was born. MacGraw has been working on the project gratis since last August. She sees it as a way to do her part.

“A woman in the developing world spends an average of 90 cents out of every dollar on education and health care for her children and family,” explains the company’s website. “For men, the statistics are closer to 30%, so that supporting women has a multiplier effect as her family and community also benefit from her choices, leadership, and prosperity.”

“When a woman brings money into the household,” says MacGraw. “Suddenly she can’t be treated quite the same way as before.”

Ibu Sefrou Jacket, Return of the LP Necklace, Duka Bandana, Mola Sasa Clutch, vintage Indigo Mule

We talk a lot about style. A fire burned her house down in ‘93 and took with it many of her designer treasures, including original Halstons. MacGraw has since stuck to a uniform: tees, black skinny jeans and ballet flats, plus accessories — just like what she’s wearing today — and, “one or two things a year that are hair-raisingly expensive but I know will last my lifetime.”

“I remember in those early days spending too much time worrying about whether I looked okay. That is really boring. The minute that every single thing is perfect, you’ve lost your sexuality, as far as I’m concerned. Where’s the juice?”

“I once bought this dress for a dinner when I was a movie star and felt very conspicuous. It was colossally expensive — one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I had it shortened, which meant I couldn’t return it. I put it on and went, ‘This dress is wearing me. There’s a face in it, but who is she?’ What a lesson.”

Ibu Jadia Skirt, Signature Power Cuff, Mini Discus Necklace, Ankle Wrap Sandal

MacGraw says really sincere, heartfelt things like this throughout our conversation and then, about a half a beat after, makes fun of herself.

“With all of the different stages — and when you get older, there are a lot of stages — you do get to a point where you think what’s really, really, really important?” She prefaces her next sentence with “don’t throw up,” then says, “The most important thing is the quality of your friendships.”

“Perfect…I don’t think it exists,” she adds. “It’s a peculiar obsession. Being a decent human being, interacting and connecting with other people — really, really connecting — is more important than anything.”

Check out ALI4IBU, the Ali MacGraw collection here and shop it here. Follow the Ibu Movement on Instagram @ibumovement. Photos by Edith Young.

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Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell Make a Strong Case for Not Getting Married

I’m just gonna say it: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, as a couple, are perfect. As a freshly born, semi-single 27-year-old, they represent a unique relationship model I can really get behind. It’s unparalleled. She is doing press for Snatched right now, the whatever movie she filmed with Amy Schumer, and — thank god — is dishing on her relationship with Kurt in the process. Or, as I’ve called the two of them my whole life (A.K.A. this morning), Gurt. There is much to learn.

First and most importantly, they’ve been “happily unmarried” for 34 years, as People put it in its recent profile of Goldie. This bucking of convention is hardly mentioned; Goldie’s proclaimed “secret to happiness” with Kurt is actually pretty vanilla. “Love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy. Family. Fun. Laughs. Sex,” Hawn says. “If you don’t nurture that, and remember, you’re done.”

There’s more to it, though, and I’ll get there shortly, right after we collectively appreciate that she mostly likely shared this wisdom while perched atop a baby pink chair, breathing distance from an overweight Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

via People and my big, meaty heart

(Goldie, btw, is my true bang inspiration.)

My first exposure to the enviable enigma that is Gurt was the acclaimed film Overboard, wherein contractor Dean Proffitt, played by a mostly nipples-out Kurt Russell, cons rich yacht owner Joanna Stayton, played by a doe-eyed Goldie Hawn, into believing they were married, when really she’d just fallen overboard and lost her memory. No spoilers, but this movie taught me that we’re all just 100 lies away from true love. You should see it if you haven’t. Also, it taught me what a real hunk looks like. My mom always had a thing for Kurt Russell. We teased her about it mercilessly, but now I have to fold my hand. She was right.

Hi Dean, need a hair tie? I have a spare and those tresses would look gr8 in a honey bun.

Overboard was made in 1987, but Gurt actually met in 1984, on the set of should-have-been-Oscar-nominated film Swing Shift. I feel relieved they’ve loved each other for my entire life and more. They’re my rock (just kidding mom and dad) (kind of). “He was so good-looking, but he had no pretense about him. I could tell right away he wasn’t a womanizer,” now-71-year-old Hawn told People of her first impressions of now-66-year-old Russell, confirming something I’ll now keep my eye out for: no pretense.

This is starting to get to the heart of the matter, which is that she seems to truly appreciate Kurt’s authenticity and has no intentions of thwarting it, even if that means giving him space. And he does the same for her. “We’re human beings,” Hawn says, of the oft-lamented challenges of monogamy. “Would you want a man who doesn’t look? Who doesn’t feel inspired by the beauty or the curves of a woman’s body?” It’s a more honest approach to love, isn’t it?

“There is, I guess, an elasticity to the relationship. Otherwise it’s going to break, just like a rubber band.”

This is some therapy-level insight. And just what I needed, as I’m currently in the throws of re-evaluating my relationship with labels (THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER ARTICLE). I’m almost ashamed I didn’t turn to my favorite couple sooner for advice. I like the idea of elasticity instead of rules, respect instead of contractual promises. Isn’t it kind of refreshing?

Let me be clear that Goldie and Kurt are the only two people for which I’d allow myself to use the term “couple goals.” And that’s really saying something, as I normally reserve it for unexpected, mutually beneficial animal pairings.

#couplegoals

My adoration for them knows none of my cynical bounds. I genuinely squealed when I found out they got stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame right next to each other. Did you see them kissing on their stars last week? “It turned out to be a lovefest,” Goldie said of the day. “The last thing he said was, ‘I’ll always cherish you.’ I didn’t expect him to say those things. I had no idea he was going to be so beautiful.”

I could have guessed he would, but maybe I’m a little biased. What can I say? I’m just a Goldie, standing in front of Gurt, looking very non-commitally for my Kurt.

Photo by Sonia Moskowitz/Images Press via Getty Images.

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We’re Just Now Learning How Hormones Affect Our Brains

If you’ve ever found yourself freaking out before a meeting, you’ve experienced shifts in cortisol, the “fight or flight” hormone which plays an important role in general stress regulation (studies have found that burnout and complex grief, for example, have been associated with high cortisol levels).

Mood and energy shifts are likely due to changing levels of progesterone and estrogen, the two primary female sex hormones that also influence mood, cognitive functions and libido.

When you feel a sense a satisfaction from a meal, that’s elevated dopamine, the brain chemical for reward-driven learning, pleasure and satisfaction.

If you hug someone and feel more connected to them, oxytocin — the neurotransmitter and hormone of love, responsible for social connection and bonding as well as trust, herd mentality and social conformity — has increased.

That gut feeling you keep experiencing? It’s likely serotonin — a hormone regulating mood and social behavior that’s mainly found in the intestine — speaking.

Together, hormones influence our level of energy, ability to focus, quality of sleep, experience of stress and anxiety, mood, sociability and cognitive function. For women, hormones also follow a pattern. A month-long pattern. But the physiological process of how hormones manifest in our bodies still isn’t broadly understood, even by doctors. And though we’re beginning to discuss their effects, this conversation is still surprisingly speculative. Often, the subtext is that hormones lead to irrational behavior, that they’re a problem.

Researchers in the field, like Simon Baron-Cohen, author of several studies on gender differences and the brain, admit that the topic of sex difference in psychology is “fraught with controversy” and a field “prone to misunderstanding and misinterpretation.”

“It’s an area people didn’t want to enter for many decades because of its political incorrectness and [risk] of being misunderstood,” but increasingly, researchers are starting to ask more open-minded questions, “without fear of being accused of having a sexist agenda,” explains Baron-Cohen.

Most of our scientific knowledge on the topic of hormones and the brain has been acquired via animal studies — the majority using male animals — which is about as problematic as it sounds. However, new research offers fascinating findings.

In one study, researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognition and Brain Sciences performed brain scans on a patient for two months and discovered that her brain literally changed every month in sync with her hormones.

“In parallel to the rising estrogen levels leading up to ovulation, the Hippocampus (a brain area essential for memories, mood and emotions) also increases in volume — the volume of the grey matter as well as that of the white matter,” explains Claudia Barth, co-author of the paper.

Only one female was observed in this study; how changes in brain structure affect behavior and specific cognitive ability are still not fully understood.

There are tons of reasons to investigate women’s brains in relation to their cycles aside the obvious, which is that, well, half of the world happens to have a female brain. Here are just a few:

PMDD: This kind of research can help us understand premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), which affects one in 12 women in the days leading up to her period. PMDD is a more extreme case of PMS and women who suffer from it complain of severe physical and psychological symptoms such as listlessness or mood swings comparable to a depressive episode. “To get a better understanding of this disorder, we first have to find out which monthly rhythm the brain of a healthy woman follows. Only then can we reveal the differences in persons affected by PMDD,” says Julia Sacher, a researcher at Max Planck Institute.

Addiction: Addiction and recovery could be partly modulated by hormonal shifts in the menstrual cycle. Understanding these factors could offer beneficial insights into personalized treatments for recovery.

Per a BioMed study, “Preclinical and clinical research suggests that ovarian hormones (i.e., estradiol and progesterone), which fluctuate over the course of the menstrual cycle, influence smoking behavior, and relapse vulnerability.”

Menopause: Perhaps the most misunderstood and interesting phase of a woman’s life is menopause, which is associated with brain fog and some fifty other symptoms (yes, really).

According to Dr. Marianne D. Legato, a pioneer in the field of gender-based medicine, low levels of estrogen — which tend to occur during menopause — “impair our ability to think clearly and certainly impact memory.”

Birth control: The effect of birth control on both brain and hormones is becoming an increasingly hot topic, with suggestions that it is depressing the hell out of us. The most popular oral contraceptive options prevent ovulation and inhibit the usual hormonal cycle, which has a direct effect on mood-regulating chemicals in the brain, like serotonin. In addition, at least one study has found significant differences between the brain structures of women who did or didn’t take oral contraceptives — although it is not clear yet what those differences might mean.

The rewards of studying female hormones and the brain outweigh the risks of misunderstanding, bad research methods and discrimination. There are so many interesting and important things that happen to our brains which we do not yet understand. Education and information about the menstrual cycle and behavior could enable us to better predict changes, and adjust and adapt. Controversial, yes, but worth it.

Alexi Surtees and Daniele Orner-Ginor are co-founders of Ovary, a community and data company addressing knowledge gaps in women’s health. Learn more here. Illustrations by Maria Jia Ling Pitt. 

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Jeanne Damas is the Epitome of “French Girl Cool”

American women always talk about French women as if they are mythical, but the more I think about what differentiates us, the more I feel like the American pursuit is born entirely out of a frustration with our own relationship to beauty and style. It seems like we are much harder on ourselves about that which constitutes being beautiful than the French are. We seek effortlessness but make a big deal out of finding it. We almost always want to appear casual, like we’ve just thrown ourselves together, but are profoundly formal about constructing this persona. Jeanne Damas — French actress, prolific Instagram poster and newly-minted fashion designer — agrees. When I asked her why she thinks American girls are always trying to emulate French girls, she quipped quickly, “It’s due to the beauty of Paris and our natural Parisian style.”

Rouje Yves Blouse, Levi’s jeans, Saint Laurent shoes, Dragon handbag

Natural.

Right!

There really is an air of unaffected instinct (she calls espadrilles her foolproof styling trick — espadrilles!) about the way she dresses.

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She knows exactly what suits her and does not deviate from that. Her clothing line, Rouje, seems to reflect this ethos with a limited supply of silhouettes (do you really need more than a single dress, top or pant style if you know they look good on you?) rendered in manifold prints. “I wanted to create my perfect wardrobe every season,”  she said of launching last summer, citing the Gabin dress and all of the denim as her favorite pieces from the collection.

Rouje Gabin dress, Castañer espadrilles, Dragon handbag

But a perfect wardrobe does not distinguish day clothes from night clothes; on the key difference between how Americans dress and the way the French do, “The American girl is casual during the day and sophisticated at night. The French girl dresses for both, day and night.” The three key things she thinks every woman should own are a wrap dress, a men’s cashmere sweater and a pair of boots.

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But what does this mean for a woman’s beauty routine? “I only wear red lipstick, every day nothing else,” Damas said. “MAC’s Russian Red or Ruby Woo.” When prodded about the other products she uses (Nuxe moisturizer and Leonor Greyl shampoo exclusively), she pointed towards the bags under my eyes and said, “I love those,” as if they were genuinely designer. “It is so cute, the blue patches under the eye, I wish I had them.” I told her I’d be happy to give them to her and she seemed eager to take them, which is when I realized I’ve had it wrong all this time.

Rouje Lucien top, vintage blazer, Levi’s jeans, Vanessa Seward shoes and handbag

The mythical beauty of being French has very little to do with the effort you put in, or the casual outcome you put out — what makes us (me?) so different is resistance. Resisting what is natural — the bags under my eyes, the lines on my forehead — and trying to eradicate it.

Which leads me to this question: Is it possible that all it takes to be more French is to stop giving a fuck? It’s worth a try.

Photos by Edith Young. 

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