Leandra Medine's Blog, page 353
May 25, 2017
I’m a Standing-Desk Failure
Photo by Edith Young.I realized I was failing at my standing desk when someone pitched a story about failing at a standing desk and our Editorial Director looked me straight in the eye as if to say: “Want to take this, Haley?”
“EXCUSE ME,” I replied, brows raised, “BUT I’M UNQUALIFIED TO WRITE SUCH A STORY.”
That was just my pride/brows talking, though. I am very much qualified. In fact, I’m sitting right now!
Remember a few years ago when every media outlet broke the news that sitting was killing us? That was fun. Under the headline, “Sitting is the New Smoking: Ways a Sedentary Lifestyle is Killing You,” the Huffington Post wrote, “From the driver’s seat to the office chair and then the couch at home, Americans are spending more time seated than ever, and researchers say it’s wreaking havoc on our bodies.” That was September 2014. I read it in my cushy office chair, spine curled ever-so-gently in the shape of a large serving spoon.
“People who sit too much every day are at an increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, cancer and shorter life spans, even if they exercise, a new study finds,” wrote LiveScience a couple months later. Around the same time, CNN reported that sitting for eight to 12 hours a day increased your risk of getting type 2 diabetes by, wait for it, 90%. The World Health Organization cites physical inactivity as the fourth-leading risk factor for death, by the way. DEATH.
(I’m sorry if you’re sitting right now. I hope you’re okay.)
Suddenly, the benefits of standing desks were touted ad nauseam. All the cool kids were standing. Or maybe it was the nerdy kids. I can’t responsibly say, because I was one of them. I stood almost every day at my last job. I felt very important and healthy. But as soon as I left the San Francisco tech bubble, the whole thing went to pot. In New York, I became a sentient chair, writing until the wee hours of the morning as my body sank deeper into my living room couch. I was transforming into Gollum.
Shockingly, my back starting giving me trouble. I knew I ought to start standing again. A quick Google of “cardboard standing desk” turned up one by Oristand that was super chic and only $29 + shipping. Click!
“I’m buying this standing desk,” I wrote in our team Slack channel around two months ago. “Let me know if you want in.” Five people jumped and two minutes later, I placed a group order for $150. We all held our chins a little higher that day, already looking down on our lowly, seat-bound colleagues.
When the desks arrived, I was giddy. I deposited them around the office like a smug Santa. I then set my own up — it only took a minute! this is not sponsored! — and was flying high. By day two, though, I was already justifying spurts of sitting. I’d once heard you were supposed to alternate between sitting and standing anyway. Good for the veins! At least that’s what I told my coworkers/self whenever I sheepishly broke the desk down. That breakdown process, by the way, was at times more than my lazy ass could handle. Sometimes I’d sit down while the desk was still erected.
Standing desk hack. Yw @harlingross
A post shared by Haley Nahman (@halemur) on Apr 21, 2017 at 3:36pm PDT
I mean, it is a hack.
At some point, my desk grew a little messy. No room for the box. Then I got busy. No time to put it up! I was a barrel of excuses. At least I wasn’t alone, though. I watched as my compatriots’ standing desks became cardboard bookshelves or under-desk junk or aisle blockers. I think we all hoped no one noticed. The only person who kept hers up was Leslie, our Editorial Director. Which brings me to that look she gave me earlier this week vis-à-vis the pitch for this very story: “Want to take this, Haley?”
So fine. It’s true. I suppose I’m a standing-desk failure. But I haven’t given up hope. I will not become Gollum. I’m going to stand. Just as soon as I’m done sitting.
Have you failed a standing desk lately?
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Why the Internet Loves Vogue’s “73 Questions”
Photo by Jean Claude Dhien via Getty Images for Getty Images Portrait.When I woke up this morning and checked Facebook Trends before even getting out of bed (as a young millennial woman is wont to do), I discovered that Priyanka Chopra is the latest participant in Vogue’s “73 Questions” series.
I consumed the video immediately. I learned that Priyanka loves cheeseburgers, recently binge-watched The Crown, keeps hot sauce in her bag, would totally shave her head for a role if it wouldn’t get her in trouble with Pantene and can do a great ditsy American accent.
Her 1,000-watt smile is ever present as she waltzes around her NYC apartment. She belts out lines from Taylor Swift’s “I Knew You Were Trouble.” She laughs at her own jokes, but not in an obnoxious way. I would like to know what lipstick she was wearing.
The 12 minutes of footage amounted to an extremely pleasant viewing experience, as do all the “73 Questions” videos. I think I’ve watched every single one. So have millions of other people. Priyanka’s “73 Questions” interview already has over 1 million hits on YouTube. Emma Stone’s has over 7 million. Selena Gomez’s has over 8 million. Kendall Jenner and Taylor Swift’s both have over 10 million, respectively. The whole concept of the series is tailor-made to capitalize on the intersection of the internet’s thirst for shareable soundbites and our cultural thirst for identifying exactly what makes a celebrity “relatable.” Cue Reese Witherspoon performing a backflip on her kids’ trampoline.
Although the questions vary from video to video, they all fall under the umbrella of classic ice breakers designed to make it seem as if these Hollywood A-listers are opening up like beautiful clam shells:
What is the most absurd nickname someone has ever given to you?
What is something about you that you wished more people focused on?
What karaoke song would you sing where you don’t need the monitor?
What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever read about yourself on the internet?
The videos are clearly intended to give off a vibe of impromptu spontaneity — a genuine, ad hoc unearthing of the subject’s personality quirks — but at the same time, they don’t try to hide that there is some degree of preparation, or rehearsal, involved. During Emily Ratajkowski’s video, Joe Sabia, the series director and man behind the camera, quips, “This interview could use a soundtrack. Can you play a record that has your favorite genre of music?” Ratajkowski conveniently happens to be standing in front of a record player.
Sabia once told The Huffington Post, “We try to make [the videos] seamless…In no way are we going out and saying up-front that we do this spontaneously. Of course there is a level of preparation that is involved, but by no means do I feel that takes away any sort of genuineness.”
I do think the heavily staged bits can come off as a bit forced, and many of the celebrities over-rehearse their answers to a noticeable degree (memorable exceptions include Sarah Jessica Parker and Lupita Nyong’o), but the series still retains its entertainment value by nature of the fact that it is essentially delivering a Buzzfeed-style listicle in a high-impact visual format with a big celebrity name attached. The formula is impeccable, not to mention a fascinating reflection of exactly what makes social media and pop culture tick. I hope they’re still being made by the time North West reaches an appropriate participation age. That one’s gonna go bonkers.
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What a Year of Abstinence Taught Me
Illustration by Maria Jia Ling Pitt.It is the middle of the night and my phone is ringing, or I’m hurriedly pushing clothes into my closet and shoving shoes under my bed. I’m frantically shaving the bottom half my legs or searching for socks to hide my fading pedicure, or, my least favorite, stuffing my face under my pillow to drown out snoring so loud that it would rival the infomercials blaring on my television.
I’m not sure what sex is like for other single women, but my experience reminded me of an on-call job. There was a lot of hurrying up — just to wait.
If there’s any sure sign of aging, it’s not single gray hairs or little creases that form around your eyes, or even looking at a college student and thinking he or she looks like a middle schooler. It’s the moment you decide you’d rather forgo sex than a full eight hours of sleep.
I wish I could say I started my journey of abstinence for the purpose of self-exploration, but honestly it began because I was tired. Sex without commitment was quickly becoming a waste of my time. No matter how often I was taken to dinner, sent flowers or driven to work, I knew it didn’t mean anything. I lived in the gray area of friend with benefits, somewhere between acquaintance and girlfriend.
For a while, I liked it there. I enjoyed talking freely about dating other people, never needing to sugarcoat my words for fear of hurting my partner or making him jealous. I never had to worry if we had a future because, by definition, we wouldn’t have one. At times, I had all the things I wanted out of a relationship without actually having a relationship. It was wonderful. That is, until I wanted a relationship. At that point, the reactions were so awkward I might as well have said I wanted to visit the moon to lick the ground and check if it was made of cheese.
Then it became exhausting — not just physically exhausting, from being up in the middle of the night or sprint-cleaning my bathroom — but emotionally draining, because there’s nothing worse than feeling something that you’ve already explicitly or inexplicitly agreed you wouldn’t feel.
Eventually, I had to ask myself what the fuck I was really doing. And when I couldn’t answer that question, I decided not to do it anymore. I decided to be abstinent.
Although it felt like the right decision, I was a little conflicted. As a 29-year-old womanist who is sex-positive, the fact that I might attract men who wanted a “good girl” almost put me off the whole thing. I don’t believe that women should be judged based on standards of purity.
I wondered how I could choose to do something that had been imposed on women by a patriarchal society for so long and still be the progressive, liberal woman I am. I half-expected a little referee to jump out of my closet and strip me of my feminist title for even thinking abstinence might yield positive results.
Still, I stuck with it.
Nine months into my year (and counting) of abstinence, I met someone I really liked. There was just one little issue: He wanted to have sex. In fact, he felt entitled to it and tried to persuade me by questioning my maturity and encouraging me to reject societal standards. It was a blessing in disguise. I couldn’t explain why (yet), but I knew he was wrong. Sex couldn’t make me a feminist and abstinence didn’t make me a traditionalist. Through this experience, I started to understand my decision to be abstinent a lot better.
After it ended, I decided to ask some people I know to help me put my feelings into words.
“I have abstained from sex for long periods of my adult life, for nine and ten months at different times,” said Jillian Anthony, who is 29 and the editor of Time Out New York magazine. “It is feminist to recognize when and how sex will fulfill you not only physically, but mentally as well, and I think I’ve spared myself many confusing and painful situations.”
In the beginning, my abstinence was all about ending relationships that weren’t fulfilling. When I started, I’d been seeing someone off-and-on for over a year. I knew he was never going to commit to me and as soon as I realized that was what I wanted, I ended things. Even though we weren’t in a bona fide relationship, it felt like a breakup.
In those first few months of abstinence, I announced to anyone and everyone who made the mistake of communicating with me that I was NOT having sex. Even though I wasn’t dating any of these guys, being open about my abstinence was like waving a magic wand over my social life — everyone who didn’t value my platonic friendship vanished.
Obviously some relationships ended, but others got way better. I went out for drinks with a friend I’d had for years; we met after work one day and meditated. I sat with an ex-boyfriend and talked, for the first time in a while.
One of the most important things I gained was clarity. Like Jillian said, abstinence became a way of avoiding confusion and, in turn, pain.
“I think before abstinence I was so numb to misogyny that I was accepting behavior in my life that wasn’t in tune or aligned with my value system,” said Ghislaine Leon, 29, of fearlessleon.com. I’ve always believed that I have the right to reject any advances and to dictate exactly what types of relationships I want to engage in. But, as a young woman who was often shy, confused or focused on being gentle with other people’s emotions, the reality of my dating life often fell short. Just like Ghislaine, I often normalized misogyny and the pressure to have sex. Abstinence gave me an excuse to find and use my own voice again, something I should’ve been doing all along.
Over and over, I talked to women who told me that they considered themselves to be feminists but had made the choice to be abstinent. What I realized is, though feminism is something we’re talking about, thinking about and marching about, the world, in the words of some of the people I interviewed, is still as “misogynistic,” “macho” and “patriarchal” as it has always been. Chastity, abstinence and notions of purity are measures of protection in a world like that. So many women I spoke to — heterosexual ones, at least — chose abstinence because they didn’t want to be used or disrespected. And, as I believed when I started this, it’s ridiculous that they should still have to make those trade-offs.
But there’s something new. None of the women I spoke to found abstinence constricting. I heard repeatedly that it was another empowering choice that they were each making about their bodies, as empowering as the decision to have sex, despite the possibility of judgment.
They’ve helped me see that feminism isn’t another set of rules to live by. At its core, feminism is personal agency. It’s my right to make my own choices, regardless of what those choices are.
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Actually Helpful Life Tips From a Life Coach
In honor of the launch of the new (but same old) Manrepeller.com, we’ll be debuting makeovers all week. First up was Monday’s makeover-that-wasn’t-a-makeover with Stacy London. Tuesday and Wednesday, hair and apartments were on the menu. Today, life. Tomorrow, style. If you’re into before-and-afters, do stick around. And if you’re not, please see me after class. We need to talk. Happy makeover week!
I was somewhat dreading my call with life coach Lauren Handel Zander, and I’m telling you that because she suggested I stop lying. It’s true: I was dragging my feet, mostly because I’ve been skeptical of her profession for as long as I can remember. What even is a life coach? Could one really tell people how to make over their lives? While compelling, the title of her book — MAYBE IT’S YOU: Cut the Crap. Face Your Fears. Love Your Life — sounded about as self-help-y as it gets.
By the end of the call, I was completely on board. I’m not kidding. It’s not that Zander said things I’d never heard, it’s that she framed problems and solutions in a way that made them feel new. And approachable. She has a knack for making big, complex patterns feel simple, like they fit in the palm of her hand. Perhaps that’s her gift, or the job of a life coach in general: to take something sticky and sharp and make it feel smooth enough to put in your pocket. She’s honest, funny, gutsy and unafraid to mine her own life for material. She put me at ease.
The greatest gift you can give to yourself is to catch and stop your lying.
“People are not in love with being alive, there’s so much suffering,” Zander tells me at the start of our call. “Life sucks for so many people. And they’re faking it.” She got into coaching because she wanted to change that. She’s now been life coaching for over 20 years. The Handel Method, a coaching framework she developed and taught at MIT, is taught and used in over 35 major universities. Today, she’s busy public speaking and running the consulting and coaching business she co-founded, Handel Group, but still fits in 15 hours of coaching a week. Just because she loves it.
“I honestly have the balls to think I am changing the way humanity ought to evaluate themselves and what life is for,” Zander says, with her signature down-to-earth candor. “I’m going deeper. My joke is: I’m re-branding, re-packaging and re-marketing one’s soul. And what it is to have one, manage one, fulfill one.” Suffice it to say, every cell in her body believes in what she teaches, making it easy for me to get on board, too. Below are five ways she thinks you can get started on making over your life, or better put, the way you live it.
1. Maybe it’s you.
Zander can’t stress this enough — it’s the title of her book, after all. “Anything working in your life, please take credit for,” she says. “Anything not working in your life, please take credit for.” She tells me I’d be amazed how often people don’t take credit for good things in their lives, citing luck as the sole driving force. I ask her if she believes in luck and she gives me a quick and definitive no.
She concedes there is luck on broader levels — as far as systematic privilege goes — but beyond that, people need to better acknowledge their role in their lives. She suggests you reshape your problems and retell your stories with yourself at the center. She says once you learn to look at your successes and your failures that way, solutions begin to readily present themselves.
“It’s revolutionary,” she says.
2. Own your dark side.
We must all stop lying so much, about this Zander feels quite passionate. “Lighten up about your dark side,” Zander says, her voice picking up. “Start facing the way you lie. Humans are hysterically dark and no one talks about it. It’s ridiculous!” She starts listing the way everyone is constantly lying to each other, in ways big and small, and can’t stop laughing. “If you’re running late, don’t blame fake traffic!!!” I can’t help but laugh, too. I get what she means.
Zander says the greatest gift you can give to yourself is to catch and stop your lying. To stop under and over exaggerating. To find a sense of humor in your shittiest parts and stop feeling bad, guilty and shameful about them. “If you’re covering up all your lies, you think the person laying next to you in your bed is covering up their lies?,” she asks. “If you’re lying, my baby, isn’t everybody? No one wants to sniff this bad joke.”
Zander is convinced lying is at the sticky center of so many problems. She never lies. Not even to her cab driver. “I’m hardcore trying to sell the truth. Wish me luck.”
3. Start tackling your weaknesses.
She refers to this as “putting the cookie down,” the cookie being a metaphor for whatever your vices are — be they related to your health, relationships or habits. “Think about where you really struggle to stop your own behavior, where you continually break promises to yourself.” She says she often starts by asking her clients: What’s one promise that, if you could keep it, would change your whole life? Zander believes personal integrity is a muscle you can build.
Find a sense of humor in your shittiest parts and stop feeling bad, guilty and shameful about them.
“Can’t we all just accept that there are places we can keep promises to ourselves well and places we can’t? If you’re suffering in an area of your life, I bet it’s because you aren’t keeping promises to yourself. That’s something you can learn to do.” She says she’s watched people change their lives by learning to keep one good promise. How? Be honest, for one, and hold yourself accountable. Establish a consequence for the behavior you want to fix, she suggests — a healthy consequence — and then share it with others.
I ask her for an example and she gives me one from her own life: “I’ve been married for 20 years and, honest to god, I know I want to fuck my husband twice a week in order to keep us hot,” she says with a laugh. It’s something she’s deemed important; a promise she wants to keep. “And what am I most often doing instead of sleeping with my husband? Netflix! So I remove my right to Netflix unless I’ve had sex twice that week. And EVERYONE knows. My husband knows, my kids even know. I can find humor in my own dark side — which is that I’m lazy — and it makes me be true to myself.”
Make your promise a game of integrity, she suggests.
4. Manage your mind.
“The amount we edit and manage our bodies — getting dressed, waxing our legs, dying our hair — is massive compared to how much we manage what’s going on in our own heads,” Zander says. She believes everyone needs to give more thought to caring for and curating their inner dialogues. In particular, their negative inner dialogues. “You have no idea how mean people are to themselves.”
Focus more on breaking into your own mind, she suggests. Unpack and unearth the thoughts you don’t even notice you’re having, or aren’t willing to say out loud. Start by stopping three times a day and tracking where your head is. She tells a story of a client who wanted to eat healthier but ended up binging on ice cream when her family was out of the house. When Zander asked her to describe her thought process in minute detail, they found she’d decided by 8 a.m. that morning that she was going to break her promise to herself later that day. It was all triggered by a moment of loneliness and a need for external comfort. “Having to tell on herself was the beginning of never doing it again. That’s true self-awareness.” says Zander.
Breaking down your thoughts can teach you so much about yourself: your moods, your habits, your struggles.
5. Create a vision of your future.
“Start dreaming again,” says Zander. “If you were my client, I’d break your life out into 12 different areas and expect you to have dreams in all areas of your life. Not achievement, like a salary. Whatever you’re chasing in life — it needs to be you true north.” She says people don’t take enough time to figure out what they really want and where they’d like to be, that actually sitting down and designing your life and making it explicit helps guide the way you live and think.
What’s one promise that, if you could keep it, would change your whole life?
Her 12 areas of life are: spirituality (whatever that means to you); fun, learning and adventure; money; career; health and body; sex; family; friends; community; vices and relationship to self; home; and love. I question her on the word “dream.” Aren’t all of us dreaming a lot already? “I very rarely come across some who has thought very specifically about what they want. People who are clear about what they want can go get it,” she replies. Envision a future state and then break down what that looks like practically, she suggests. Update it every year.
It’s clear to see how her tips are all connected: owning your role in your life, being honest about your failures, setting a vision that feels honest, making promises to get there and managing your thought patterns along the way. It’s nothing you probably haven’t heard before, right? What Zander helped me see, though, is that being open, honest and explicit is what separates the talk from the action. She wants people to think big, but act small. It’s the kind of orderly approach that seems appropriate for our chaotic minds. At the very least, it can’t hurt.
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From Kermit to Moss, All I Want to Wear is Green
If the internet was my closet and I could wear anything right now, there are three looks I would put together and keep on rotation until the weather really got warm enough for me to wear nothing but my nipples and hoo-ha, which is another way to say vagina (for the uninitiated!). This is weird to me because I am usually a ball of ideas this time of year — willing to try anything (everything) that will stick. If I have to look ridiculous to reach the ultimate destination of wardrobe nirvana, I will. And yet, here I am, trying to find a rotating uniform that will pardon me from engaging in what has, for so long, defined me: the trial and error of discovering my style. It’s just, don’t you need to know who you are to unlock a uniform? I know nothing of the sort! But the first iteration of uniform includes a pair of sunglasses I actually already own (in a different colorway), a pair of pink, high-waist pants and a pistachio green top.
As you can see, there are also assloads of accessories (really just a pair of lace-up sandals and a clutch that will jiggle), but the real reason this particular outfit is important, outside of the fact that the blouse may as well be on the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival right now (but which I have decided will instead be worn for like, a backyard BBQ), is because of a common color theme you will see sprinkled through each of these looks: greeeeeeeeeeen.
^^^ That’s outfit number two. There is another pair of dramatic sunglasses — which I also own, but in a different colorway — and a duffel bag that I am urging you to use as a handbag because you will need it to store comfortable shoes given the fact that I’m gonna make you wear dramatic satin boots with — here’s the commonality: another green garment of Topshop origin. I don’t know where exactly you’d wear this outfit, but I would probably wear it on a night that I feel like shit but want to defy the rules of looking how you feel.
And for my final trick! A fringe skirt to add to my roster of clothes-that-make-me-forget-I’m-sad (see: last summer’s raffia skirt), with a similarly colored long-sleeve polo, sequined socks (sequined socks!) and champagne yellow satin sandals. You can match your bag to your sandals — which I am all about — or not. That choice, I will let be yours.
What I’m wondering is when green became the new Fran Drescher pink, which used to be millennial pink, which was orange before it was black. More and more I have found myself attracted to various permutations of the color — be they Kermit or sea foam, moss or in theme with St. Patrick’s Day. Does that mean a new trend is coming? I hope so because…spoiler alert!…we have a product rolling out.
I’ve already said too much, though. Gtg. Bye!
Collages by Maria Jia Ling Pitt.
The post From Kermit to Moss, All I Want to Wear is Green appeared first on Man Repeller.
Drew Barrymore’s Instagram-Famous Face Mask, Reviewed
A few months ago, I was scrolling through Instagram when an image of 70-year-old Drew Barrymore popped into my feed. You are probably thinking, Drew Barrymore isn’t even close to being 70 years old, and you are correct, sir! After reading Drew’s caption, I learned she was actually wearing a face mask. “When you take it off you are 10 years younger,” she wrote. (10 years younger than your actual age or than your mid-face-mask age?, I wondered). The only price you must pay (besides the literal price of the mask) is your vanity. Because for a brief interlude, your face looks like a stale tangerine.
A post shared by Drew Barrymore (@drewbarrymore) on Feb 17, 2017 at 3:39pm PST
But maybe that’s the whole attraction. 2017 is a strange time to be alive. It is a time in which new Oreo flavors trend on Facebook, a time in which “microblading” is not a surprising topic of conversation at brunch, a time in which Justin Bieber posts closeups of his pink eye on Instagram, a time in which January is balmy and May is freezing and a time in which what is essentially a Snapchat filter can become an IRL beauty mask sensation.
Because that’s exactly what happened. I started seeing this strange Benjamin Button mask everywhere. Officially dubbed The Hanacure All-In-One Facial, it purportedly, “tightens, brightens, contours, and diminishes the appearance of wrinkles” thanks to “patented CO2 OctoLift™” technology.” With repeated use, “your skin will continually improve, relegating age to truly becoming nothing but a number.” I copied and pasted these quotes directly from the Hanacure website, where you can purchase either the “Starter” (a single serving of The Hanacure All-In-One Facial) or the “Set” (four servings of The Hanacure All-In-One Facial).
To my delight, I discovered that in addition to its regular Instagram account, Hanacure has a whole other account devoted to before & after masking selfies. I could ogle the transformed pores of strangers for hours.
As of last week when I pitched this story, I was aware that The Hanacure All-In-One Facial had already been “trending” for a good chunk of time and, unsurprisingly, had been reviewed by multiple publications. But I was desperate for a #hanacureeffect before & after of my own — and that is a story in and of itself. The viral power of a product that successfully capitalizes on our collective penchant for selfies and social media is a force beyond my control. Like I said, 2017 is a strange time to be alive. I’m just along for the ride.
The day my Hanacure Set arrived at the office, I was so excited to get home and try it that I accidentally left my keys on my desk and had to double back. After finally making it to my apartment, I opened the box with trembling fingers (jk) and began my masking adventure.
Per the lengthy instructions, I popped the seal off a vial of “Lifting Serum” and poured it into a container of “Gelling Solution.” After resealing the container and shaking vigorously for 20 seconds, I opened it to discover a blob of what looked like apricot jelly. Using a special brush included in the box, I painted the jelly in a thick layer across my face. Then I waited.
The instructions said to leave the mask on for 30 minutes. By the time 25 of those minutes were up, the mask was hardening but still not completely dry, and I definitely didn’t have Drew Barrymore-level wrinkles yet. I decided it was time to proceed with the suggestion to “fan face to increase intensity.” I pointed a blow-dryer at my nose and let it rip. Instantly, I felt my face tighten. Every inch of my skin felt like a thick milkshake being sucked through a straw. It was an extremely weird and not altogether pleasant sensation. After about 60 seconds, I turned off the blow-dryer and looked in the mirror. My coveted wrinkles were finally out in full force, and the 30 minutes were up. As excited as I was to put the mask on, I was even more excited to wash it off. My skin felt tight to the point of discomfort. I practically galloped to my bathroom sink, but not without pausing to take approximately 1,000 selfies.
I was not prepared for what happened next. When I began scrubbing off the mask, I expected my face to look like my face, except with the pore-less complexion of an eight-year-old and the subtle glow of Maria Sharapova after a rally or two. Instead, my face looked like my face except red and angry — angrier than when it found out it had to go through puberty, and that was pretty angry. Apparently sensitive skin doesn’t give a fig about before & after photo ops.
I lathered on some Pai Instant Calm Redness Serum and a dollop of dependably soothing Embryolisse Lait‑Crème Concentré. Another 30 minutes later, my skin looked good as new. Better than before the mask? Well, that might be a stretch. It kind of just looked the same as it always does. But please don’t interpret this slightly underwhelming result as a negative review. I’ve never had as much fun trying a mask — or any beauty product, for that matter — as I did trying The Hanacure All-In-One Facial. Not only did I get to literally paint my face with cool goo, but I also now know exactly what I’m going to look like when I’m 70. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Photo by Edith Young; iPhone photos by Harling Ross.
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May 24, 2017
How to Stay Friends With Your Friends Who Have Kids
Photo by Edith Young.
I’m pretty sure I’m a crap friend. This isn’t out of malice. It also wasn’t always the case. In fact, I remember performing such selfless friend tasks as dropping people off and picking them up at LAX (I was very proud of my secret, non-highway route; it’s an LA thing) and patiently enduring hour-plus, late-night phone conversations about that one guy™ in my friend’s life whose behavior I’d already dissected to death. I gave wedding speeches and bought gifts and went to parties and planned trips.
But now that I work full-time and have a child? Extracurricular activities have been flushed down the toilet. I’m so not there for late-night calls or spontaneous weeknight drinks. I don’t know how to make time for others anymore when I’m barely available for myself. There’s a yawning chasm between me and my childless friends at this point, and I won’t lie: It’s taken a toll on our relationships.
“It would be logical to say that I only hang out with the most important people,” says Amy*, whose kid is a little over a year old. (We’re in the exact same boat; I’d asked her how she manages to socialize.) “But actually, it’s just whoever asks, because I don’t have time to think of who I haven’t seen, not to be dramatic. I’m just much more passive now. Also: Anyone who didn’t come to meet the baby in the first year is dead to me.”
I personally haven’t declared any of my friends dead to me, but I do find myself struggling with the realities of my situation. As with any big life change, kids seem to bring up weird feelings of frustration, anger, jealousy and loss in both the childless friend and the child-having friend. When someone recently asked me for advice on how to stay close with their friend who’d become a mom, I realized didn’t have a quick answer. So, in search of guidance (for her and for me), I asked a bunch of moms how they would have responded. How have they kept their friendships alive? This is what they told me.
Rule No. 1: Plan further ahead than you ever have before
“Be okay with planning to hang way, way in the future,” says Meg, who just had her second kid. “Planning hangouts several weeks out when you don’t have kids might seem ridiculous, but when you have kids, it’s a game-changer. Even when I have the ability to do something spontaneous, I’m often too burned out to motivate.”
In my experience, this is one of the biggest sticking points of friendship post-children. Last-minute texts asking to hang are just…impossible. Stop flaunting your freedom and spontaneity in my face like that! Every after-hour or weekend social activity needs to be planned in advance, or else it’s probably not going to happen.
Rule No. 2: Consider their schedule
“Unless my husband is watching the kids, I try to plan my hangouts around nap time,” says Meg. “I’ll hike at 9 a.m. with my early-riser friends, my kid strapped to my back, or drink wine at 3 p.m. with my night-owl friends, at my house while my kid plays with sidewalk chalk. But I’m off the 1 p.m. brunch circuit for maybe eternity. You do not want to eat brunch with me and my kid who hasn’t napped. Brunch is bad enough as it is.”
When it comes to kids’ schedules, keep in mind that you’re trying to work around a.) daytime naps, which can make mid-morning activities tricky and b.) early bedtimes, which make evenings tricky. Often, it’s just easier to go to your friend, rather than have them meet you somewhere. “I have friends over to hang out AFTER my kids goes to bed,” says Michelle, a mother of two. “Most childless friends really only want to hang with your baby for a few minutes because let’s face it, they’re boring.”
Rule No. 3: But don’t assume your mom friend wants to bring, or talk about, her kid(s)
“Having time alone with non-mom friends makes it feel like nothing has changed,” says Yennie, whose kid is 10 months old. “I find time to see them privately (i.e. no kid or partner in tow), and absorb their relaxed attitude. It helps me to remember that even though I’m a mom, I’m also my own person who has a life outside of kids.”
I agree. While fellow moms are crucial for commiserating, tip-trading and baby-on-baby playdate action, childless friends are important because they (momentarily) pull you out of the grind.
“I used to go out almost every night,” says Meg. “Now I’m lucky if I get out five evenings in a month. That means, when I do go out, I want to go big. Lots of drinks, great food, something cultural, something hilarious, just something.”
Rule No. 4: Flexibility is key; multitasking, even better
“Getting your nails done is a great way to kill two birds with one stone. See your friend and get much-needed pampering at the same time. Bring wine,” says Michelle. Since I barely get to work out these days, I like to schedule friend time around a yoga class.
“I try to maintain the most-important relationships,” says Erin, mom of two. “It’s difficult, if not humanly impossible, to spend an hour on the phone ‘catching up.’ I try to do regular calls, even if they’re only five minutes.”
Rule No. 5: Be Patient
Your friend isn’t gone forever, but she might be under water for a bit — especially in the very beginning. Wait for her.
“I had kids in my early 20s, so I was the first of my friends to become a mom,” says Erin. “Some relationships fizzled. It became clear quite quickly that I wouldn’t be able to maintain each and every pre-child relationship to the same degree. My group of friends became much smaller, but much tighter. They’re unbelievably understanding. With that said, I’m always careful to invest in their lives as well. The friendship goes both ways.”
*Name has been changed.
The post How to Stay Friends With Your Friends Who Have Kids appeared first on Man Repeller.
Michelle Obama is Finally Dressing How She Feels
Photo by Ron Sachs-Pool via Getty Images. Over the weekend, Michelle Obama was spotted strolling around the Italian town of Montalcino wearing a cotton-candy pink one-shoulder top, white jeans with rips at the knees, white sandals, hoop earrings, silver bangles, sunglasses and a white cross-body bag. She looked so relaxed, like she had simply put on the clothes that were the truest reflection of how she felt — which is not insignificant, because how often did she get to do that as First Lady? My guess is extremely rarely, given the overwhelming and unending scrutiny of her every bodily aspect and clothing choice.
A post shared by The Cut (@thecut) on May 22, 2017 at 2:06pm PDT
Part of the fun of putting on the clothes that perfectly capture your mood (or the essence of whatever version of yourself you want to project at the moment) is the ability to walk out the door in that outfit and give it the chance to commune with other people’s eyeballs.
But First Ladies can’t always do that. Even though it’s 2017 and, sure, they can wear bright colors and show their arms and dabble in the occasional black-tie sequin, there is still a set of unspoken guidelines for what is considered “proper” attire. Michelle Obama experimented within these parameters as best as she could. She wore bold prints and custom rose gold Versace chainmail. Sponge crepe and Fran Drescher pink. Skinny jeans and eyebrow-skimming bangs. She always looked incredible, stylish, chic (!), but never completely and utterly relaxed.
#YesPlease: @michelleobama giving us more looks!
A post shared by EBONY (@ebonymagazine) on May 22, 2017 at 4:38pm PDT
That’s why the pink one-shoulder top ensemble stands out so distinctly. It was a cherry on top of Michelle Obama’s recent personal style tour, beginning at her first appearance post-White House in a jersey midi dress, which eased into the joyful, casual, off-duty-ness of batwing cap-sleeves; the edgy indulgence of a corset belt encircling a trailing, striped button-down; and most recently, the easy comfort of a white off-the-shoulder top paired with olive green linen pants, a small oxblood tote, a gold cuff and simple slide sandals.
Is the best part of being First Lady actually no longer being it? When it comes to letting your clothes say exactly what you want them to, or simply letting them blow breezy kisses into the Tuscan air, the answer is undoubtedly yes.
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How I Finally Decluttered My Tiny Apartment
In honor of the launch of the new (but same old) Manrepeller.com, we’ll be debuting makeovers all week. First up was Monday’s makeover-that-wasn’t-a-makeover with Stacy London. Yesterday, hair was on the menu (but please don’t eat it). Today we’re talking home; later this week, life and style makeovers are coming in hot, so if you’re into before-and-afters, do stick around. And if you’re not, see me after class. We need to talk. Happy makeover week!
This post was not sponsored, but Wayfair kindly gifted me the items mentioned/linked, and Kate Spade gifted me the duvet cover.
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My Manhattan two-bedroom apartment is small but reasonable. The living room sits plenty of friends if everyone agrees to just get over themselves; my roommate and I can brush our teeth at the same time if one of us perches on the toilet while the other stands; we’ve got a great kitchen that I mostly use for walking into then forgetting why I am in there; and my room — my beautiful sanctuary of a room — is a sunny little walnut.
I love it so much, but it drives me to the kind of insanity that you hear about on that show Snapped. For six years I have lived inside this kangaroo pouch of mine, which means I’ve collected, jammed and hid an admirable amount of things into every space and open crevice, like a squirrel with a consumption habit. I can never find anything. I’m constantly crouching, crying, flustered, sweating, tearing drawers apart, dumping makeup onto my bed to look for the ONE thing I need, dragging duffel bags of useful items out from under my bed frame, dropping top-shelf boxes on my head, kicking my toes into the shoes that line my walls and capture dust. With so much crap and so little storage, I long ago accepted that there was no solution other than to suck it up.
Then one day, I had what you might call a “shit fit.” I couldn’t find something — and don’t want to go into the details — but it ended in an intervention which led me to Whitney Giancoli, an interior designer who wasn’t afraid of the monsters under my bed. I handed her the keys and the reins then rendered myself absolutely unhelpful until she was finished. She changed my life, you guys. Marie Kondo who? What feng shui? My world is a calmer, happier, easier-to-find-things place and now, I think it’s only right to pass along her knowledge.
1. Before you begin, purge as much as you can. Whitney had me re-read my own closet organization post with Tidy Tova and get to work a week before she came over.
Duvet by Kate Spade Home.“Purging is the most crucial step to take if you want to get organized and well-styled,” she said. “It also forces you to re-familiarize yourself with stuff you probably haven’t even laid eyes on in a calendar year, and prioritize the items that you grab with the most frequency. That way, you can cater the organizational design of your space to meet your functional needs.”
2. Store the unsightly.
Shoe container on wheels from The Container Store “Baskets and boxes and vessels of all kinds are the perfect way to hide all of the miscellaneous crap that doesn’t deserve to be displayed on a shelf. Invest in good-looking, uniform containers to give your room a balanced look.”
She stashed all miscellaneous beauty and hair products in a wicker basket on top of my desk — “easily reachable, but out of sight.”
She also used the hidden space under my bed for shoe storage. I had everything thrown under there haphazardly. Not only would forget what I’d hid under there, I had to flop on my stomach and use a broom to drag things out. “Do yourself a favor and buy storage with wheels to help provide easy access!”
Even though jewelry is not “unsightly,” Whitney said having a ton hanging out in the open can look cluttered and overwhelming. She used various containers to organize by type.
3. Display your prettiest and most frequently used things.
Not everything can be hidden. She left out perfume bottles, books and beauty products that I’d want out in the open should I ever find my room raided by Into the Gloss. But it’s not all for show. “Keep out the things that you use the most frequently. For a more polished look, compartmentalize the items by combining like with like.” (See what she did with the tray on my desk? This has been a wonder of tidiness. It’s this one by House of Hampton.)
4. Take advantage of height.
This Beachcrest Home stool from Wayfair is my favorite thing Whitney found for me. The desk is by Home Loft Concepts, basket is by Artifacts Trading and the jars are Birch Lane, all from Wayfair.When space is tight, the best ground rule is to keep your floor as clear as possible, Whitney told me. “Make the most of your room’s height by either using or creating additional storage space.”
Whitney took advantage of the completely underutilized space above my kitchen cabinets. What have I been doing all this time with so much ROOM? We packed a few long wicker baskets with winter clothes and that which I can’t seem to get rid of but just don’t use (plus pots, pans), then hid them up high. I haven’t had to get anything from them yet but I guarantee that when I do, I will mind at least 80% less than when I can’t find something in my room.
She also made the most of the height in my bedroom — something I’ve never even thought about before — by installing shelving to host books and photos. She told me that the desk-turned-vanity on the opposite side of the room (which she found on Wayfair for so much less than the one at the Container Store) balanced out the shelves. I didn’t know this was a thing. “When ‘creating’ height in a room, always consider it a balancing act. Don’t overwhelm one side of a room with tall shelving and leave the other side height-less. Counterbalance tall shelving with artwork or a lamp at a similar height.”
5. Give everything “assigned seating.”
Whitney is a fan of having a designated place for everything you own. “Meaning, at your best, when your apartment is at its very cleanest, every piece of clothing, every accessory, all beauty products, shoes, etc., has a home. This will help keep you organized once you get organized.”
6. Flowers never hurt.
Plants are Whitney’s number one must-have in every room. “It’s amazing how much cheer it brings,” she said.
I COULD SAY THE SAME THING ABOUT WHITNEY. Thanks to her, I can breath inside my walnut again.
Whitney Giancoli is an interior designer who moved from California into a fifth floor walk-up in the Lower East Side, where she made it her mission to make the most of small square footage and get creative when it came to design. She now works independently with clients. She also designs for Homepolish. Follow her on Instagram @5thfloorwalkup and @whitneygiancoli. Photos by Nicole Cohen. Follow her on Instagram @sketchfortytwo.
The post How I Finally Decluttered My Tiny Apartment appeared first on Man Repeller.
What’s the Worst Thing About Living With Your Significant Other?
Do you blow your nose in the shower? Like, straight into your hand?
Because my ex did. Very, very, very loudly.
It made a honking sound that still haunts me. He told me he had to do it; that he had no choice. “I’ve never blown my nose in the shower,” I would counter. “And I’m fine!” In turn, he hated how I sneezed. He’d insist I was holding them back, thereby disrupting the biological purpose of expelling irritants from my nasal passage (or whatever). The truth is, I do not hold them back! That’s just how I sneeze!
And so his nose-blowing became known as the thing I hated, and my sneezing the thing he hated. I’d offer to work on letting out my sneezes if he’d forgo his blowing, but he’d never agree. We were at a standoff. (Plus, no matter how hard I tried to change my sneezing, it never worked.)
Living with a significant other brings about the weirdest little pet peeves. Roommates do the same thing, sure, but the emotional stake in a relationship adds a different tilt. It’s like you’re invested, somehow, in their every particular behavior and bad habit. When I asked people around the Man Repeller office who live with significant others or have about theirs, the lists were long. And funny. It was like group catharsis, bitching about these inconsequential little things.
Cabinet doors left slightly ajar. Dirty dishes placed in a clean dishwasher. Dirty socks dropped by, not in, the hamper. The bathroom door kept open during showers. Dirty tissues left in pockets. Peanut butter-y knives deposited in the sink. Caps left off of toothpaste. Wet towels thrown on the bed. Kitchen counters left unwiped.
“We’re working on the toilet seat.”
There was a Slack-tuned chorus of yes and OMG SAME and me too!!! And each person’s pet peeve reminded someone of another. By the end everyone was assuring each other that they did, indeed, love their significant others. I promised them the caveat was implied.
So what’s your thing? And what’s your partner’s thing about you? Do you try to change each other — or do you accept it? Where should that line be drawn?
Photo by Edith Young.
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