Leandra Medine's Blog, page 103
July 15, 2019
How Helpful Is Instagram Therapy, Really?
I was okay, thanks in large part to Alison. Strangely, I can remember almost nothing she told me over the course of our sessions, perhaps because she really said very little. I talked, mostly, or cried, and she sat there and nodded. She held space. At first this made me crazy–FIX ME, I kept asking her, and she’d smile sympathetically and nod and wait, and in the silence she made, I would rush in with something I would never have said otherwise, some strange revelation that had been lurking in the shadowy sea of my unconscious. Then she’d smile again, and nod, and on we’d go.
I’ve been thinking of Alison a lot lately, namely in relation to a recent Times piece about the rise of Instagram Therapists. The Insta-Therapists (a term that at least one of the therapists in the article has publicly disavowed) have joined a growing cohort of influencers and wellness advocates using social media to discuss mental health. They’re capitalizing on the “therapy generation,” a population segment that neatly overlaps with the social media generation, transforming seemingly superficial mediums like Instagram into a therapeutic tool for emotional growth, taking what has traditionally been reserved for those private, sacred therapy rooms into a very public sphere—for free.
“This Shouldn’t Be Privileged Information”
Andrea Glik is a New York-based psychotherapist who started her public Instagram account, @somaticwitch, after realizing that she had access to resources that shouldn’t be proprietary to only those who could afford therapy.
“I had shared some charts about recognizing domestic violence on my private Instagram and got a few messages about how helpful they were,” she told me. “That was when I realized this shouldn’t be privileged information. This is really vital stuff about our lives and our bodies.”
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A post shared by Andrea Glik, LMSW (@somaticwitch) on Jan 12, 2019 at 7:37am PST
The more Andrea posted, the more feedback she received. “I’ve connected with so many people who can’t afford therapy, but my posts have been jumping off places for them to begin to process or understand themselves,” she says. “I also post a lot about sexuality and queerness, and people will message me to say they didn’t realize they could talk to therapists about this, or they thought they were the only person who felt this way. So much of what I do on Instagram is just normalize people’s experiences.”
Her account has joined others such as the popular @notesfromyourtherapist and @askdrjess (who you may recognize from a recent Man Repeller event) in offering mental health and self-care advice and resources through everything from thoughtfully-filtered selfies to complex diagrams about how our neurological system responds to trauma. It’s a radical shift for a medium that was created as a way for friends to share pictures of their last good meal. Many of these (now) influencers have, in fact, built their entire following by promising to speak candidly about their own mental wellness, capitalizing on the premise of “realness”—or as real as any filtered feed can be.
Chef and wellness advocate Sophia Roe is one such figure, and she is hyper-aware of how her own brand has been affected by her willingness to engage in real talk about “food and feelings.”
After a health scare, she wanted to expand her work as a personal chef to include food that could belong in the “world of wellness.” As her willingness to be open about issues like relationships, sex and intimacy, and personal trauma grew, so did her following. Her posts now range from sponsored videos about green bean salads to candid narrative posts about growing up in foster care. She is beautiful; her food is beautiful; still, it’s her honesty about her own relationship struggles and mental health that are the most compelling.
“The idea that we are all perfect–fine, if that’s what you want your platform to be, just a place of positivity, that’s fire, that’s amazing,” she says. “I want my platform to be a place of reality.”
Reality: It’s a complicated word, even more so in the context of a medium that encourages you to filter your life through the lens of hyper-reality, everything more colorful, the ugly stuff just out of frame. Therapy, on the other hand, is all about the ugly: dredging it up, examining it, and allowing it space to be. How, then, to reconcile the two?
For Andrea, it’s about acknowledging that for some people, her posts might be the closest they can get to traditional therapy. In that way, she hopes Instagram can be a gateway to a more nuanced relationship with self. “My posts should help people feel less alone; it should make them feel like they can talk about themselves more openly, and they can be honest about parts of their lives that have been hidden for a long time.”
Sophia agrees. “I’m just doing what I can to create an honest conversation around trauma and healing,” she says. “Listen, healing is ugly. When the fuck have you ever seen a scab that was beautiful to look at? I don’t have the rosiest, posiest Instagram all the time. The only way I can possibly feel good about myself at night is if I share my journey. My life story is very ugly, it’s not pretty. But does that mean I don’t deserve to be well? No, that’s crazy.”
Ultimately, there’s a generosity of spirit in this work, providing free resources and sharing personal trauma as a way of universalizing and de-stigmatizing mental health care. And in some ways, social media might make these conversations easier–there’s a perceived, comfortable intimacy to a medium where you can present your best self while still hiding behind a screen.
“I’m Not Trying to Sell Wellness to Anybody”
While other doctors and influencers on Instagram push sketchy supplements or pricey coaching sessions, none of the women I spoke to claim to be motivated by financial gain. Andrea has a full roster of clients; Sophia is a firm believer that wellness shouldn’t be a business.
“I’m not trying to sell wellness to anybody,” Sophia tells me. “There are people who argue that wellness is buying things. I think it is just the opposite. Buying a $28 smoothie is not self-care. I really want wellness to start feeling real. Wellness before products and tinctures. It’s self-talk. It’s forgiveness, it’s grace, it’s understanding. All this other bullshit is just bullshit. I’m trying to help people create a guidebook to find what wellness and self-care looks like for them.”
Still, when you see a medical professional posing in a bikini and promising her branded supplements can cure Lyme disease, it’s impossible not to wonder if the Instagram wellness game has created more problems than it could possibly solve. And while any trained therapist worth their salt is explicit about the line between in-person therapy and Instagram posts, there are undoubtedly those hoping their trauma can be waved away by a series of inspirational quotes. Meanwhile, I’ve seen no fewer than seven therapists since moving away from Alison, and I still feel like a beginner.
But until the stigma around mental health disappears, and therapy becomes more accessible to those in rural areas or without robust health insurance, Instagram might be the best we can do. Says Andrea: “For people who can’t afford traditional therapy, I want to believe that Instagram will be better than nothing.”
Graphic by Madeline Montoya.
The post How Helpful Is Instagram Therapy, Really? appeared first on Man Repeller.
July 12, 2019
My Pettiest Pet Peeves, in No Particular Order
As the headline indicates, below is a list of my pettiest grievances, none of which I’m proud of and all of which I’ve yelled about after two or more drinks.
The relationship flex that is “I can’t wait to marry my best friend.”
Why I’m peeved: FIRST OF ALL—ahem—first of all, the idea of marrying a person you 1) spend more time with than other people, 2) confide in more than other friends, and 3) love in more ways than one—all things that can just as easily define a best friend as a spouse—is not remotely unusual. And yet this phrase is imbued with a sense of superiority, as if the person using it is the first to marry someone they are both sexually and platonically attracted to. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?!
Why I’m petty: Because there is obviously nothing wrong with people trying to communicate the myriad ways they love their partner and there is no room for my cynicism in these matters!
When people in movies bathe exclusively facing the shower nozzle—especially when they lean against the wall dramatically as the water sprays directly into their face.
Why I’m peeved: Literally no one does this.
Why I’m petty: FINE, I will let the director get the shot.
When people claim they read a particular book “every year to see how they’ve changed” and consider this an important part of their personality.
Why I’m peeved: This is all Definitely Maybe’s fault.
Why I’m petty: I can think of about 1001 things that are worse for people to talk about than books.
Any song that takes more than a minute for the lyrics to start.
Why I’m peeved: I’m sorry but no one is as enamored with your ability to pluck a guitar for a straight minute as you are. Please just start the actual song, thank you.
Why I’m petty: Music is an artform and it owes me NOTHING.
When the credit card machine beeps urgently at me to remove my card before I’ve been given the chance to do so in a calm and timely manner.
Why I’m peeved: I pride myself on being prepared to pull my card out the second I’m permitted to do so—this is a pillar of my self-esteem. So I do not at all appreciate when the machine goes from “Do not remove card” to aggressively honking at me to remove it in the space of a millisecond, as if I’ve taken so long it’s about to call the cops. Do not chastise me before I’ve messed up!!!
Why I’m petty: The world is not improved by my being a reliable card-puller nor are credit card companies responsible for assuaging what is absolutely a deep-seated issue with where I glean my self-worth. Also, I’m sure the beep is a net positive.
When the fitted sheet slips off the mattress in the night or the duvet gets balled up inside the duvet cover creating what I call “loose skin.”
Why I’m peeved: I actually have shivers and can’t talk about it.
Why I’m petty: It’s literally a bed.
When millionaire celebrities tell civilians to “never give up on your dreams”—on Instagram, in acceptance speeches, on billboards.
Why I’m peeved: I could write a full-length book about this, but if you think that “never giving up on your dreams” is the only thing that got you to where you are, check your privilege (and luck!) while also cutting a check to every single person who just had to sit through your soap-box moment.
Why I’m petty: It’s well-intentioned (I think???).
Perfectly good garments that feature an unnecessary drop shoulder.
Why I’m peeved: When did every women’s clothing designer get together and decide every basic shirt or sweater needed a drop-shoulder hem? Just because we identify as women doesn’t mean our basics need some kind of stylistic flourish! (Also, they make us look like we’re slouching.)
Why I’m petty: I don’t know, in terms of the changes that need to be made in the manufacturing of apparel, this seems extremely unimportant? Also, maybe some people like a drop shoulder. (Show yourselves!)
When people who like to relax, wear comfortable clothes, and get a good night’s rest call themselves “old ladies.”
Why I’m peeved: Calling yourself an “old lady” is such a weird humblebrag! I think it’s meant to seem self-deprecating (sorry, old ladies), but people say it as if no one else under 30 goes to bed early. But not wanting to go out doesn’t make a person interesting or intellectual! And I’m pretty sure wearing sweatpants on a couch is a universally beloved activity. TDLR: P sure this claim has the opposite of its intended effect.
Why I’m petty: This is probably just a way for people to allay feelings of FOMO and create an in-group that (for once) revolves around not participating in social activities, which, fine, are very human pursuits I can empathize with.
Aimless peers becoming unlicensed life guides (i.e. mediums, coaches, tarot readers, speakers, armchair experts).
Why I’m peeved: Why is it always your wildest friend from high school that enlists themselves to guide others, often with swirly Pinterest quotes?
Why I’m petty: In THIS economy???
And finally: internet listicles by me that are mostly just whining.
Graphic by Madeline Montoya.
The post My Pettiest Pet Peeves, in No Particular Order appeared first on Man Repeller.
Celeb Look of the Week: Tessa Thompson Won Wimbledon
The fact that she wore an all-white suit while looking neither like a bride nor a high-powered TV lawyer was a true win. Like one of those refs atop the very tall narrow chairs, I have decided that this outfit is a 30/30 Love or whatever! She is serving! She looks like a refreshing gin cocktail come to life, crisp and easy to drink. She looks like the re-invention of the problematic male novelist of yore on his way to cheat on his wife with a female war photographer. It’s like the outfit from last summer decided to drop by the U.N. for a quick second. Isn’t a look that is tailored with comfort in mind the crux of summer elegance?
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It feels like a bit of a departure from Tessa’s (may I call you Tessa?) normal public looks in that it is a little more subdued, but similar in that it plays with proportions and is flawlessly executed. There’s also the right hint of nostalgia: a mix of old Hollywood menswear and the golden age of 90s supermodels in suits. It’s deceptively simple at first but then obviously not a look most mere mortals could pull off (I’m talking bout those big-ass CUFFS).
Full disclosure and in honor of vanity month, Tessa Thompson in this suit is how I think I look in my head when I’m riding high on a wave of unfounded self-esteem. I would love to slick my hair back, throw on some (prescription) sunglasses and wear a suit that telegraphs exactly how comfortable I am in every situation. It is humbling and awe-inspiring at once to see the best version of yourself come to life.
While we’ve seen a rise in women wearing suits and jumpsuits on red carpets and formal occasions generally, something about this time feels special. Her look seems to slide you a note written on a cocktail napkin that says, “You, too, could be an intellectually rigorous woman of leisure. All you need is the perfect white suit.”
I never thought I’d say this, but: Tennis, anyone?
Photo by Karwai Tang/Getty Images.
The post Celeb Look of the Week: Tessa Thompson Won Wimbledon appeared first on Man Repeller.
The Importance of Vanity, According to My Mom
My abuela came in every five minutes, making up excuses to check in on her. My mom who hadn’t said much, hadn’t eaten much or moved much, willing everything to stay the same—willing her husband to walk through the front door like everything was fine, like it was all a big misunderstanding. We were worried. But on this day, she put on her makeup, pulled the hair out of her face, looked at herself in the mirror, shoulders back, ready. From that moment on, these minutes in front of the vanity would be the only ones she could steal away for herself—and raising two kids on her own, they were crucial.
To outsiders, a woman staring at herself in the mirror, appreciating herself, making herself feel confident and ready for the day might seem vain—vain being one of the worst things a woman can be in society. We are not supposed to know we are beautiful, not supposed to know we have power, not supposed to look at our own reflections without flinching.
Vanity is especially foreign in women of color, immigrants, like my mother. Women who aren’t expected to build themselves up and look you in the eyes, be bold. My mother passed on the ritual of vanity to me the way other families pass down inheritances, as a form of security. As armor.
Cuando te sientes mal de ti misma, she’d say, arreglate. “When you feel especially down about yourself, fix yourself up.” Not the mantra of millennial feminists. The mantra of a woman who survived this world and knew I’d need as much love for myself as possible to do the same.
There are a million ways to define womanhood, and a million ways that women are liberated and constrained by those definitions. I’m still trying to figure out how I fit into that landscape, and what inheritance, what ritual, I will leave behind. And yet, still, when I think of strength, I see a woman in front of her bathroom mirror, standing up tall, ready to face everything the world has in store for her.
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The Simple Sneaker I’ll Wear for the Rest of My Life
My feelings are not unlike John Mayer’s, who recently shared his in a GQ video: “People are always trying to do the switcheroo on the latest, greatest shoe. I wish more people, myself included, would just wear one thing into the ground. I want to see repeats,” he said. There’s a thing that you won’t know unless you live in something for so long to the point where anything else just feels wrong, he concludes.
I’m similarly drawn to this Velveteen Rabbit style of perpetual use—the habitual love and wear that simultaneously animates a thing and renders it shabby. It’s the tangibility of this natural process that I find most comforting, as it offers a palpable counterpoint to my hypothetical “shopping cart in the clouds.”
I’ve been charting the decrepitude of my own repeats all summer. And for me, the item I most cherish as timeless is neither investment piece nor precious heirloom, but rather, a pair of ordinary, low-stakes, Keds sneakers.
Much like the congenial “Hello My Name is” sticker at a networking event, the rounded blue outline around their name announces them. Out of the box, these white shoes of rubber and canvas are the wearer’s tabula rasa—the first building block for one’s own Bob Ross-esque expressions.
On their inaugural wear, I imagined myself tied to the long lineage of on-screen icons who had worn them.
I had, after all, grown up cheering from the sidelines as Kelly Kapowski punched up her peppy leggings and attitude with a wholesome order of milkshakes and a Trapper Keeper held over her anxious heart.
When I witnessed Frances “Baby” Houseman ascend the stairs and famously proclaim she “carried a watermelon,” in Dirty Dancing, I noticed the shoes first. They are, I realized, the ballet flats of the Outdoor Kids. Their functionality confers their glamour.
More recently, I pored over photos of Yoko Ono on the day she wed John Lennon at the Rock of Gibralter. Her pristine Keds are styled with all-white, mod knee-high socks, mini-skirt, and sunhat, and are juxtaposed by oversized black sunglasses and the undone effortless style of her hair.
Keds have about three lives, and each wash will cost you one of them.
All of these instances of Keds feel deeply rooted in their era, and yet the shoes themselves remain timeless. I asked Martina Rocca, editor at trend forecaster WGSN, how she defines timelessness in 2019, to figure out why. “Minimalism has reduced fashion to its essence,” she explained. “Through a process of ‘decorative purification,’ an item is left with almost zero style-marks.”
Fittingly, Keds look like the most rudimentary diagram of a shoe. Created by the U.S. Rubber company in 1916, it’s said that in the manufacturer’s earliest production runs, the lefts and rights were identically constructed. And they were built to literally withstand the passing of time (and the wear that comes with it), too. In early years, Keds marketed their Kedettes innovation as the “washable shoe.” While this is still true today, each wash will cause the fabric to slightly fade and the rubber to peel. Keds have about three lives, and each wash will cost you one of them.
Summer will accelerate things: a top-speed run across a lawn; a blackish scuff from a foot skimmed across a bicycle wheel; the slow-motion descent of a condiment.
As any savvy brand would, Keds has more recently released a whole range of co-branded designs, from Kate Spade to the stationery Rifle Paper Co. But I’m still most interested in that particular collaboration between my Keds and the drips of red and blue from the firecracker popsicle I hope to enjoy later this afternoon. This particular collaboration is truly a limited release and completely one of a kind.
Do you think about this, too? Do you regard the timeless as those modest pieces that change with you? Or does something timeless, by definition, need to physically withstand the passage of time?
Please meet me in the comments and tell me everything. I’ll be there, too, carrying a watermelon, ready to cut the first, drippy slice.
Photos by Madeline Montoya featuring Ked’s Womens Champion Original sneakers, Repeller shoe lace with Repeller Swimmer’s Ear Bundle and Repeller White Tiger Single Hoop ‘n’ Charm earring
The post The Simple Sneaker I’ll Wear for the Rest of My Life appeared first on Man Repeller.
July 11, 2019
I Tried the Starbucks Tie-Dye Frappuccino for You
On the morning of July 10th, the Starbucks Tie-Dye Frappuccino sprang into existence, and all of humanity was instantly split into two camps: those who had tried it and those who had not. Yesterday, I joined the ranks of the Tie-Dye Frap Guild.
As I walked the almost-full city block between my apartment and the nearest Starbucks, my anticipation mounted—or was it desperation? The air felt stagnant and a few degrees too warm. Having just gone for a run earlier, I was on the brink of dehydration. This could be good, I thought. This could be just what I need.
These days, I do not regularly consume sugary, slurped beverages. But I remember fondly the summers of my youth, most of which were spent in my seaside hometown of Marshfield, Massachusetts. After four or five hours of playing on the beach under the hot sun, a thirst would burn in my throat that only a Slurpee could quench. By the time I begged my parents for money, crossed the Busy Road, and entered the convenience store, I’d be ravenous. The machines were against the back wall: two towers, one red, one blue, each beckoning me with a whirring metal arm. I’d wrap my hand halfway around the jumbo styrofoam cup and stick it under the blue faucet. Then the red. Then the blue. Then the red. Then the blue. Then I’d plunge the scoop-bottom straw into the morass cup, not quite to the bottom, and partake, eyes rolling back in ecstasy as I glided back into the summer heat.
All I wanted was for my Tie Dye Frappuccino to be vaguely—faintly—reminiscent of those endless summer days. Reader, I did not get what I expected. But if Starbucks didn’t want me to form unrealistic expectations, perhaps they shouldn’t have claimed their refreshing beverage looked like this:
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The 5 Best Eyebrow Products, According to People I Insta-Stalk
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked down the street, or scrolled through my Instagram feed, or glanced across from me on a crowded subway car and thought to myself, I wonder what that person did to make their eyebrows look like that? The number is too high to count. Such is my fascination with the slivers of hair that grow atop the eyeballs of perfect strangers, and I know I’m not alone. Eyebrow mania is real—not to mention ubiquitous. So I took one for the team (our team!) and asked five women whose brows I’ve long admired from afar to tell me their favorite eyebrow product. Read their answers below, and share your own in the comments if you have some secret tricks.
Alessandra Garcia Lorido
Model
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A post shared by Alessandra Garcia Lorido (@alessandragl) on Apr 11, 2019 at 10:03am PDT
Favorite brow product? I go through so many phases when it comes to brow products—sometimes I’ll use a gel or even just hairspray on a spoolie (which actually works quite well), but right now my favorite is Nudestix Brow Wax Pen.
Why is it so amazing? My hair is super coarse and has a mind of its own, and the waxy texture holds down my hairs really well. The pen shape makes it super easy to use: I just draw it on my brows and brush it in with a spoolie. I find that most brow gels have a really small applicator which, for my size brows, doesn’t quite cut it. They also tend to be really crunchy on my hair once they dry out. The wax lasts without drying out and you can even go back in to reshape and set.
How did you first hear about it? Someone on set once used soap that they bought at Whole Foods with spoolie to shape my brows and I loved the outcome. After doing some research I found that this wax pen had the same result but with an easier application.
Any application tips? A little goes along way and I like to put less on the inner part of my brows to achieve a more sprouted and bushy texture there.
Callia Hargrove
Social Director at COOLS
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A post shared by Callia A. Hargrove (@calliarmelle) on Feb 12, 2017 at 9:12am PST
Favorite brow product? I swear by the Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz Pencil!
Why is it so amazing? Let me preface by saying I’ve tried SO many brow products over the years. When I was the social editor at Teen Vogue, one of my work wives was our digital beauty editor, and she was nice enough to bless me with every new pencil, pomade, and powder on the market. Still, I always kept coming back to Brow Wiz.
My brows are very thick in some areas but sparse in others and I love how Brow Wiz defines without giving me intense brows. It perfects the shape without going on too strong and I can’t imagine my makeup routine without it. I only get my brows threaded every few months, and I rely on this pencil heavily in between sessions so I don’t get tweezer happy and go beyond the point of no return.
How did you first hear about it? My best guess is from a magazine article sometime in college. I feel like during the late 00s, every celebrity makeup artist was raving about it and I was quick to add it to my arsenal. I went through a very unfortunate thin brow phase around the same time, where mine were barely detectible and Brow Wiz helped bring them back to life by allowing me to let the hair grow in without things looking too messy.
Any application tips? Brow Wiz works best for me when I use it to fill in sparse areas. I do the ~makeup artist~ trick and fill those areas in with light strokes so the product doesn’t go on too strong. It’s definitely not a product I would recommend to create a completely new brow. Once I fill them in, I brush my brows out with a Sephora spoolie to blend the product in for more of a natural look. The pencil comes with a spoolie of its own, but this one is thicker and blends better in my opinion.
Zara Rahim
Head of Strategic Communications at The Wing
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A post shared by Zara Naz Rahim (@zararahim) on Apr 6, 2019 at 9:08am PDT
Favorite brow product? Hourglass Arch Brow Volumizing Fiber Gel
Why is it so amazing? I love the long brush and that it doesn’t hold a lot of excess product. Some brow gels use shorter brushes which, for me, is harder to distribute without leaving clumps of color or gel behind. I had a unibrow as a child that I was always told was so beautiful and wasn’t allowed to touch until 8th grade. Naturally, I over-plucked the hell out of them the second I could. I’ve been growing out my brows for the last four years with the help of my brow artists. I met Giselle Soto when I Iived in LA. When I moved to NY for the 2016 election, I didn’t touch them for six months because I was scared to go to anyone else and had zero time for self-care. I eventually found Ashley Span at Rescue Spa who is the best. They both really got me off of using pencils or pomades and encouraged me to embrace my natural, full shape. A good brow artist is just as important (if not more important!) as good products.
How did you first hear about it? I am an Hourglass addict and was looking for something with a longer brush and quality gel so this worked perfectly.
Any application tips? I brush up! It makes my brows look fuller and also my mother always told me if I brush my hair back it’ll grow faster which is rooted in absolutely zero science but I believe it 100% and apply it to my eyebrows as well.
Jessica Torres
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A post shared by Jessica Torres (@thisisjessicatorres) on Dec 17, 2018 at 6:58pm PST
Favorite brow product? RevitaLash Cosmetics Advanced Eyebrow Conditioner
Why is it so amazing? I naturally have very light, sparse brows. The process of making my eyebrows look full and feathery used to take me 30 minutes, daily. However, the older I get the lazier and quicker I want my makeup process to be. So I started researching products that help grow brows into thicker, fuller, sexier furry beasts. After watching UK vlogger Zoella talk casually about a product she bought off Amazon which helped fill in the gaps on her already full brows, I was sold. I have been using the product for about 4 months and counting and my brows have done a complete 180!
How did you first hear about it? Zoella!
Any application tips? The product says to apply the product in soft strokes but I apply it like a four-year-old playing with her mother’s expensive red lipstick and just go crazy on my brows. I show no mercy.
Hannah Baxter
Fashion Editor at Coveteur
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A post shared by Hannah Baxter (@hannahbaxward) on Apr 16, 2019 at 1:59pm PDT
Favorite brow product? Hourglass Arch Brow Sculpting Pencil
Why is it so amazing? To achieve full yet natural-looking brows, buildable color is a must. I’ve tried many, many products over the course of my eyebrow journey, from powders and gels to waxes and pencils. This guy blends in seamlessly to the brow hairs, and there’s no reddish undertone like a lot of lighter brow products—a tell-tale sign that your bushy pals are not exactly god-given. A pencil also gives you more control over the application and allows you to mimic the look of individual hairs.
How did you first hear about it? My former colleague and beauty guru for all things, Katie Becker. I always trust a friend’s recommendation over anything else, and considering she’s a product encyclopedia, I wasn’t surprised when this became my go-to.
Any application tips? Always brush up your brows before you start to fill them in—you need a roadmap of where to apply the color. I’ve also started drawing the hairs starting at the tail and working against the grain of the hair growth per a makeup artist’s recommendation. It keeps them from looking too perfect, like an Instagram brow. Then I use a spoolie to blend in the pencil, especially around any sparse patches, and finish with a tinted brow gel if I’m feeling sassy. Don’t forget to run a cotton bud around the top of your arch in case any color bleeds outside your desired shape.
Feature Photo by Alessandra Garcia Lorido.
The post The 5 Best Eyebrow Products, According to People I Insta-Stalk appeared first on Man Repeller.
Ask MR: Am I a Narcissist or Just Vain?
Hello and welcome to our advice column, Ask MR, where we answer your burning questions, hoping we’ll become the ointment to your life rash. Ask us a question by sending one of us a DM, emailing write@manrepeller.com with the subject line “ASK MR A QUESTION,” or simply leaving one in the comments.
Dear Man Repeller,
Am I a narcissist, or just vain?
Inquiring mind wants to know,
Leandra
Dear Leandra,
They say that narcissists tend not to know they’re narcissists, so I might be self-soothing when I suggest that, based on this line of questioning alone, you are probably not a narcissist, but even if you are there’s no need to panic because, as with tumors, there are two types of narcissism: the malignant type and the benign type. The malignant type of narcissists are who you’re asking about, which I feel comfortable asserting because I’m you and the reason they’re different from vain people (you are def vain, btw), is because vanity is motivated by exterior appearance and your presentation to the world around you, as a reaction to a recognition that, uh, there is a world around you.
Narcissists, on the other hand, are incapable of true empathy. It’s not just about outward appearance or reputation, it’s an incapacity to see other people as a separate entity altogether. Those around us, by the rules of bad-tumor narcissism, are a mere extension of our own needs or goals. When I asked this question to Abie this morning, he put it deftly by saying, “Vanity is like weed, narcissism is like heroine.” Now that I think about it, I don’t know exactly what he meant—but it has an interesting ring to it. I guess narcissism could kill you, but vanity might actually be a multi-million dollar industry waiting to happen? Wait a second, it already is a multi-BILLION dollar industry called beauty. I am just blowing my own mind as we go here.
Does thinking that make me a narcissist or just vain? And further, is the beauty industry really motivated by vanity? I could probably argue either way—that on the one hand, when we look better, we feel better and therefore we are better, but then again who is to say what is better and what is not? Am I so ingratiated in a broader culture-perpetuated vanity-mindset that I can’t even see that I’m a victim of it? But to call myself a victim, to try to defend the beauty industry as driven by vanity as opposed to just affirm that it is driven by vanity supposes that vanity is objectively bad. And maybe that’s what’s not true.
If what vain people do is essentially weigh the importance of what the people around them think, you might argue that they’re actually kind of thoughtful. Super thoughtful! Like… maybe Abie, who showers 2x daily and has a rigorous skin-care routine, does so for the sake of others. Because in the event that you are to brush up against him as an unassuming passenger of the subway, I am confident in my saying that it will smell good. I never think like that. I go days without showering and don’t smell great, but mostly take the stance that if my body odor offends another that is their problem. So maybe vanity is thoughtful, and I am not that.
Does that make me a narcissist?
I mean, I definitely have tendencies. Don’t we all? Isn’t the primary motivation behind the pursuit of procreation born out of the narcissistic idea that our seeds are worth spreading? Isn’t the proliferation of social media and its offspring—selfie culture—the apogee of this? But I get the sense that narcissists don’t realize the world is much bigger than they are. I get that! I get that not everyone is here for the function of getting in my way or facilitating my acceleration, but, you know, now that I’m typing it, I’m not sure I always got it. I always knew it—or knew to say it—but I didn’t live it gutturally until I melted into a puddle, deflated into a shell of myself, face-planted enough times to course correct and netted out somewhere between hedonistically in love and scornfully in contempt with myself. But was that distorted thinking narcissism or arrogance?
Does one necessitate the other? Are they the same thing? Or is arrogance more synonymous with vanity? Am I confusing myself and conflating the terms? Here’s what I know right now: There are spectrums. There are extremes. It is best to land some place in the middle. As long as I am not fucking up anyone else’s life, as long my output is by and large positively contributing—adding as opposed to draining—a little bit of benign narcissism is okay. Dare I even say necessary.
The absence of it would have never enabled my thinking that anything I have to say is worth being heard and, look, maybe it’s not in your view, but I am from a school of thought that believes everyone has an interesting story to tell if you are willing to listen, and the best way to get them comfortable sharing theirs is by sharing yours. So to answer your question, am I narcissist? In the end, 822 words written from me to me seem to suggest so.
Ask MR Identity by Madeline Montoya.
The post Ask MR: Am I a Narcissist or Just Vain? appeared first on Man Repeller.
Of Course Sofia Coppola Found the Perfect Summer Pants
A “French jumpsuits only” dress code is probably overkill, but there is clearly a good case to be made for uniform dressing as a director. There are tons of variables when you’re making a film, so nailing what you’ll wear each day, and then not having to worry about it, seems like it would be its own small moment of zen in a chaotic atmosphere. If what you wear mirrors the mood and look of the film, too? Now I’m in love.
Sofia Coppola is of course a style icon in any environment, but I think her on-set looks are the perfect execution of what my jumpsuit idea overdid: like her films, they’re stylish and beautiful in simple, essential ways—the tailoring, her little styling tweaks—but most importantly, they make it clear that she is #here #to #work. In fact, Patrik Sandberg pointed out exactly that on Twitter, referencing a photo of her ensemble from the set of her upcoming film On the Rocks. After which, I noticed additional people lusting after the green pants she is wearing in said photo. (Are you? We found some.)
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What makes this particular photo so amusing (and the reason I’ve come back to look at it at least five times since yesterday) is that Rashida Jones is beside her in the exact same pants, providing a kind of choose-your-own-adventure for how to style them. The twinning is also a kind of kismet: On the Rocks is apparently about a young mother with a larger-than-life father (played by Bill Murray, *chefs kiss*), a reality they both obviously share.
But enough about the celebs. For your own sartorial purposes: Are you, like Rashida, a niche literary T-shirt and Vans kind of gal? Or are you going for more of a “Hollywood royalty who married a French musician” vibe? Either way, these pants are at your service.
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Photo via @PatrikSandberg.
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Help Us Compile a List of the Most Addicting Podcasts
I’ve become that (potentially annoying) person who can’t stop referencing “something I heard on a podcast.” And that’s mostly thanks to one in particular: a weekly dispatch by the name of Armchair Expert, hosted by Dax Shepherd of Parenthood and “America’s sweetheart couple” fame. Its format is that of a relatively standard celebrity interview, but with a unique spin. That’s thanks to Dax’s very personal interview style (he often leads with a self-deprecating story from his own life before asking guests a particularly vulnerable question) and his somewhat weird but frequently endearing rapport with co-host Monica Padman.
I must confess: I’m addicted. I await each new episode with eager curiosity and whatever the intellectual equivalent of mouth foam is, knowing from listening experience that I will discover something new and juicy about them during the resulting interview. They often run over two hours long, but I could almost always keep listening—to the extent that I’ve become precious about each episode, attempting to “save” them for particularly long walks or subway rides. I often cave early. I can’t help it!
But I can try to assuage the issue at hand, which is relying on a single addicting podcast to meet my entertainment quota when I know there are other gems out there, waiting to be discovered. In addition to Armchair Expert, I’ve also blown through Serial (duh), Dirty John, Where Should We Begin?, S-Town, How I Built This, and Dear Sugars (RIP). But I clearly need more, so: What about you? What are your favorite addicting podcasts?
Collage by Madeline Montoya.
The post Help Us Compile a List of the Most Addicting Podcasts appeared first on Man Repeller.
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