Leandra Medine's Blog, page 10

Celebrity Astrologer Walter Mercado Shaped My Childhood, With Flair

With his piercing glare, impossibly smooth face, and plush capes that wooshed around as he gestured wildly, Walter Mercado and his astrological forecast was unlike anything I’d ever seen as a ten year-old in the Midwest. Every day, in the middle of the afternoon news broadcast, the TV monitor would, as if by magic, suddenly turn purple and Mercado, often awaiting viewers with open arms or perched atop a throne, would fill the screen. “What are horoscopes?” I wondered. “Is he a man? Is he a woman?” I asked, fascinated by this person who was so different from anyone else I’d ever seen. I was not alone in my fascination. I still remember the sound of my mom exclaiming “Ay, es Walter Mercado!” on those days when I got to stay home with her and watch Univision, or, “the Spanish channel,” as my American friends called it.

Mucho Mucho Amor: The Legend of Walter Mercado, a new Netflix documentary, reveals the man behind the celestial glow, and explores how Mercado changed representation of LGBTQ people on TV. Taking viewers into his home in Ponce, Mercado shows off his famous robes, including the ones custom-made by Versace and Isaac Mizrahi. Each of the items of clothing has a story—and as the film progresses, Mercado takes the opportunity to share his experiences more deeply. For the first time, he describes how he signed away the rights to his name and image, a decision that ultimately led to the end of his career in 2010.

Mercado himself is disinterested in labeling himself “straight” or “gay,” and preferred to never let himself be defined by his sexuality or his gender.

With his blonde hair frozen into place and a face full of cakey makeup, Mercado changed the conversation around machismo without even trying. Many of the film’s interview subjects, which includes Lin Manuel Miranda, touch on their gratitude for having been able to grow up with a figure who seemed to be unencumbered by traditional gender roles. Mercado himself is disinterested in labeling himself “straight” or “gay,” and preferred to never let himself be defined by his sexuality or his gender.

But Mercado wasn’t always considered an underappreciated icon—he was also the subject of relentless, often homophobic comedy sketches and was perennially badgered about his romantic life. As Mireya Lucio, one of the film’s interviewees and self described “witch,” makes clear, he was “embraced and othered at the same time.” While Mercade never assumed a leadership role within LGBTQ advocacy, by simply being, he managed to let generations of Latinos know that it was ok to be yourself. “I learned to take an I-don’t-care-pill from Walter,” says Willie, his longtime assistant and rumored partner.

Mercado emerges as a beacon of resilience, a hero who could never be defined by society’s conventional titles or prescribed roles.

It’s difficult to hear about the hardships faced by someone so out of this world. At times, I wondered whether the sacrifices he made were ultimately worth it. But through it all, Mercado emerges as a beacon of resilience, a hero who could never be defined by society’s conventional titles or prescribed roles. His unconditional love of life might be my favorite part of his message—no one took his prescriptions about the significance of love and positivity more seriously than he did. Even now, when hearing him sign off by wishing his viewers “mucho mucho amor,” I feel filled with hope. Walter taught us: everyone deserves mucho mucho amor.

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3 Outfit Ideas for Your Next Virtual Date

To kick off the tried-and-true incubator of weekend date nights known colloquially as “Friday,” Man Repeller asked artist and model Jade Gord to style herself in three outfits for virtual Zoom dates. Jade’s Zoom dates just so happen to be with her top celebrity crushes–but feel free to [insert your real or imaginary crush here] and abscond with her styling tips accordingly. —Harling

Cottagecore Vibes for a Date With Shia Labeouf

This gingham dress is custom-made from a small brand called 3234u. I’ve been into the whole cottagecore aesthetic, but with super boxy silhouettes—almost like a muu-muu, comfortable and easy to wear. It’s perfect for a Zoom date because most of the fun stuff is happening up top, like the square neckline and gathered sleeves. 

My gold jewelry is a mix of things that I bought for myself recently from New Top Jewelry and eBay. There is so much good vintage gold, 14-karat jewelry for great prices on eBay! I’ll just search something like “14 karat gold pendant” or “14 karat gold heart” and scroll through every single page until I find something I like. 

I’m really weird when it comes to head accessories, especially hats, because I feel like they never look right on me, but I’ve been really into headbands lately. This puffy one is from Ganni, and I think it elevates any outfit I style it with. It kind of ups the ante on the whole look, and would frame my face on a video call with Shia Labeouf.

I love that Shia is kind of dusty. He just doesn’t care what people think, in the best way, which is probably why he wears the same three shirts and two pairs of pants. He’s also insanely committed to whatever he’s doing. He got a full chest tattoo for a movie he’s starring in. A real tattoo. I’m not a spontaneous person at all, so I’m naturally attracted to people who are. I think we would talk about nothing but everything at the same time. 

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An Outfit That Goes “Boom!” for Aminé

I love styling a tight top with something loose on the bottom. There’s something really nice about how the proportions play against each other. When I wear a crop top, it either has to be super cropped where it’s right under my boobs, or something subtle that only shows an inch or two of my stomach. 

This black tank and skirt are thrifted from MyUnique, a huge thrift store in Jamaica, Queens (they have the craziest items–honestly, a good amount of my wardrobe is from there). The top is vintage Calvin Klein. I was going for a sexier vibe with this outfit, and a statement skirt on the bottom so if I had to stand up during the date to grab a drink it would be like, “BOOM!” Perfect for a hypothetical date with Aminé. He seems really fun and goofy to be around, but I also just find him really attractive. I feel like we would get along really well, and just have a lot in common (I swear I haven’t thought about it too much…). 

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Going All Out From the Waist Up for Jacob Elordi

I thrifted this dress from MyUnique, too. It’s the perfect dress for a Zoom date because not only is it comfortable but it also draws attention to my neck and chest area. If I’m dating somebody I’m into, that’s always a nice thing to highlight. 

I’m not one of those people who puts on shoes for a virtual date. I stick with socks and my house slippers and leave it at that, but I’ll go all out from the waist up for Jacob Elordi. When I first saw him, I thought he was really basic, but then when I was re-watching Euphoria with my roommate, and I was like, “Whoa.” I also actually like the mullet that he has now. Mullets can be hit or miss, but on him–the mullet with the mustache, and then his Australian accent on top of it? It really works. 

I’m not sure how much we would have to talk about, but he’s cute to look at. And the nice thing about a virtual date is that, worst case scenario, you can just “fake freeze” your computer or hang up and be like, “Oh, my Internet’s not working. Sorry!”

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The Results Are In: 2,000+ People on Love, Sex, and Dating During the Pandemic

During the past week, we’ve published stories about “Love Right Now,” covering all sorts of perspectives on love and intimacy and relationships in this very unique moment in time. To close out the series, we’re sharing the results of the survey we shared on Monday. Scroll down for a fascinating glimpse into the love lives of more than 2,000 people in the MR community›››.

Graphics by Lorenza Centi.

The post The Results Are In: 2,000+ People on Love, Sex, and Dating During the Pandemic appeared first on Man Repeller.

Dating in the Great Outdoors: 6 Couples on Visiting Storm King Last Weekend

The big news: Storm King Art Center reopened to the public in mid-July, giving New Yorkers who reserved tickets in advance a vast, sculpture-filled expanse to enjoy just a couple hours beyond the city limits. While images of Storm King have certainly made the rounds on social media, any visitor can attest to the fact that the outdoor museum is not overrated, but rather even more breathtaking than one might expect in person. It’s also garnered a reputation as that date for when things are starting to get serious in a relationship. Intrepid photographer Jasmine Clarke visited last weekend and interviewed coupled-up art-appreciators about their experiences.

Jon, 29 and Mia, 25

Is this your first time at Storm King?

Jon: Yeah.



How’d you guys hear about it?

Jon: I heard it from you.

Mia: From a friend.

And are you dating?

Mia: Yeah.

How’d you guys meet?

Mia: Oh, man. Probably through volleyball.

Jon: Yeah.

What have you liked here so far about Storm King?

Mia: It seems really well groomed. There’s areas of really tall grass, but at the top of the hill it was like a golf course with how well maintained it is. So it’s a really cool mix of lots of trees, lots of nature. You can go on the smaller trails along the sides where there are modern metal pieces of sculpture.

Natalie, 24 and Alexander, 24

Is this your first time at Storm King?

Natalie: Yes.

And is it similar, or different, to how you envisioned it?

Natalie: Pretty similar. He didn’t really know that much about it.

Alexander: A lot bigger than I thought. It’s huge.

Cool. And how do you guys know each other?

Natalie: We started dating in college. Yeah. Still dating.

Alexander: Four years ago.

And what do you think about the art you’ve seen here today?

Natalie: I love it. We actually just got here, probably about 20 minutes ago, so we’ve just started. But it’s been pretty awesome.

Do you have any favorites so far?

Natalie: I liked the Sol LeWitt white boxes that are down that way.

Alexander: I like the suspension things on the other end. The seemingly floating blocks.

What did you like about it?

Natalie: Still trying to figure it out.

Alexander: Just as a feat of engineering. It was kind of surprising that it even can exist. I probably walked around it five times trying to figure out how that thing’s connected.

And what’s your favorite thing about Storm King in general, just being here?

Natalie: Yeah, we’re just loving getting out. We live in New York. And getting out of the city for a day and being out in the open, especially right now with everything going on, being able to walk out in the open is really nice.

Alexander: It’s a unique opportunity to get out and do something. You get to see art. You can’t do that during this time.

And when’s the last time you were in an outdoor space like this?

Natalie: We’ve been out in some of the parks in New York with the circles for distancing, but a place like this where you can really just walk around… this is the first time in awhile.

Alexander: There’s one in Richmond, Virginia. Richmond has an area similar to this that we went to earlier in the summer, but, obviously, not to the scale of Storm King. It’s more fun when Nat comes along.

Natalie: Aww.

Adam, 33 and Silvio, 31

Is this your first time at Storm King?

Adam: Yes.

And is it similar or different to how you envisioned it?

Adam: I didn’t expect it to be as big. It’s spread out.

Silvio: I thought that there would be more signs telling what the pieces are with some guide.

Adam: And a map.

Silvio: And a map. So in that sense, it’s a little bit confusing to go through, yeah.

Adam: But it’s also nice just to wander.

And then how do you guys know each other?

Silvio: We’re boyfriends.

How long have you been together?

Silvio: One year.

How do you guys meet?

Silvio: At the gym.

Adam: At the gym.

At the gym?

Adam: Yeah.

Who approached who?

Silvio: He did.

Adam: Neither, but I texted him because we had chatted earlier, and yeah.

And then when’s the last time you were in an outdoor space like this?

Silvio: Oh, in an outdoor space? I mean, I don’t think that this weekend counts, because we spent the whole weekend here in Bear Mountain, but before that was… what?

Adam: Outside of Central Park, we haven’t really done much. It’s been a while, yeah, especially being locked down for six months.

Christine, 50 and Ron, 60

So, is this your first time at Storm King?

Ron: Fourth or fifth.

And how do you guys know each other?

Ron: Husband and wife.

Christine: Today.

Ron: Tomorrow, it’s another story. [Laughs]

How long have you guys been together?

Ron: Officially? Five.

Christine: Well, we got married. So, we just celebrated our fifth anniversary. We have been together 12 years.

Wow. How’d you guys meet?

Christine: The first set of troops just came back from Iraq, and we had a big celebration, and that’s where we met.

Wow. And do you have a favorite piece here?

Ron: For me, it’s [Zhang Huan’s] three-legged Buddha. I love that.

What do you like about that piece?

Ron: It’s just cool.

Christine: And the fact that it’s—

Ron: Massive.

Christine: He’s pretty much standing on—

Ron: One leg.

Christine: On… no, on the head. So, I just thought that was symbolic.

Nice. And then what’s your favorite thing about coming to Storm King?

Christine: It’s one of the few things you can do during the pandemic. It’s actually my birthday today, so—

Oh, happy birthday.

Christine: Thank you. So, we actually stayed at West Point. And then we decided to just bring our picnic basket and just enjoy the day.

That’s great. And when was the last time you were in an outdoor space like this?

Ron: Church.

Christine: Our church did a drive-in service. They had this huge screen, and you pull up—it’s like the drive-in. Five bucks, you get popcorn and chocolate, and you watch the service on the big screen.

Ron: And then they had a kids’ movie afterwards, which was cool.

Christine: Yeah. So, prior to that… We travel a lot. Because we were supposed to be in Greece for our honeymoon, but we had to bring Greece to us instead.

Ron: Oh, yeah, last weekend was the Brotherhood Winery.

Christine: It’s somewhere up here. It’s not far. It’s the oldest winery in the United States.

Ron: Seating outside. It was nice. Food was excellent. We got to listen to some live jazz. That’s us. We like to go places. But with this stuff, we’ve only been out the last two weeks, just quickly. The social distance dance and go home and shower for two hours. Burn your clothes and try again [laughs].

Khatu, 33 and Datu, 29

Okay. Is this your first time at Storm King?

Datu: Yep. First time.

Cool. So is it similar or different to how you thought it would be?

Khatu: It’s different for me. More beautiful.

Datu: Yeah. Actually, it’s really nice here. I did not expect it to be so big, so much space. And I love it. It’s very nice.

And how long have you guys been together?

Datu: Three years.

Wow. How’d you meet?

Datu: Our friend introduced us to each other.

Cool. Where are you guys from?

Datu: Georgia, the country.

Oh, nice. And what do you think of the pieces here? Do you have any favorites?

Datu: I love the three-legged Buddha. I love it, it’s my favorite So far.

What do you like about it?

Datu: The vision of the artist. Yeah, the vision of how he sees Buddha. I have not seen Buddha in such conditions, so it was different.

And what about you? Do you have a favorite piece here?

Khatu: I like the red compositions.

Datu: Oh, yeah, red balls.

Khatu: It matches with the green of the grass.

Datu: It creates a nice contrast.

And when’s the last time you were in an outdoor space like this?

Datu: Since last summer I think. When we were in Versailles in Paris.

Rochelle, 29 and Daniel, 37

Is this your first time to Storm King?

Daniel: No.

How is it different or similar to how you envisioned it with the reopening?

Rochelle: I was actually pretty impressed because with the car ticketing scanning system is pretty good. It was no contact whatsoever. It was really easy. I felt safe the whole time.

Nice. And how do you guys know each other?

Rochelle: We’re married.

Oh, how long have you been married?

Rochelle: Almost one year.

How’d you guys meet each other?

Daniel: On OkCupid.

Nice. What do you think about the art that you’ve seen here today? Do you have a favorite piece?

Rochelle: I really liked the kinetic sculptures, ones that are moving over there.

And what’s your favorite thing about Storm King?

Rochelle: Being in nature and seeing art—

Daniel: At the same time.

Rochelle: Yeah.

Daniel: Usually get one or the other. But we get both.

All images: Jasmine Clarke.

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Lingerie Shopping 101: 14 Brands That Will Make You Look and Feel Like a Million Gold Coins

While I am a solid cotton underwear wearer through-and-through, there’s a part of me that cannot resist a great set of lingerie. Lacy underpinnings just make me feel luxurious, no matter who sees it.

I’m picky when it comes to lingerie comfort and style—no itches or bunchy lace for me—and figured you might be too, so I’ve compiled a list below of some great lingerie brands that fit the bill and offer a variety of sizes, colors and styles for those days when you want to play dress-up with your undergarments.

1. CUUP

Bra sizes A-H, bottom sizes XS-XL

CUUP makes beautiful bras in sizes ranging from A-H. One major highlight I’ve found: the Balconette style’s mesh cups and opaque seam. It looks elegant but sexy. I’d pair it with a brief in a matching color to make this lingerie set an outfit.

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2. Lonely Label

Bra sizes A-G, bottom sizes XS-XL

Lonely Label has been my favorite lingerie brand for years: their lace is so soft and comes in a variety of colors like Soot, Sorbet, Lemonade and Biscotti. The brand makes cup sizes A-G (check out their website for full style and sizing options) in countless rich hues. I’m a fan of this Bubblegum pink set—I own the same set in Pickle green and highly recommend the style. The colors are so fun that I opt to wear my bra with the straps sticking out under a tank top.

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3. Savage x Fenty

Bra sizes A-H, bralette sizes XS-3X, bottom sizes XS-3X

Looking for lingerie that’s both super-sexy and fun? Make a beeline for Savage x Fenty, which sits squarely in the middle of that rare Venn diagram. They fit sizes XS-3X and my favorite style, the Cotton Essentials Bralette in a lavender floral print, is 95% cotton (read: very comfortable and soft). Pair it with the matching thong and have yourself a lovely little lingerie set.

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4. Natori

Bra sizes A-H, bralette sizes XS-XL, bottom sizes XS-XL

I’ve always thought of Natori as a luxurious lingerie brand at quite a reasonable price for its high quality. The below bra is $68, comes in four colors (three of which are lined with another color, making them a very pretty two-tone), and cup sizes A-H. I’ll pair this bra with the matching tanga bottoms, a cheeky hybrid between a thong and a brief.

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5. Love Stories

Bralette sizes 1-3, bottom sizes 1-5

If you’re in the market for a bralette, might I suggest Love Stories? They design the most delicate, pretty bras for smaller chest sizes with fun detailing like this glitter Emmy bra with the ruffle straps (and matching briefs).

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6. ThirdLove

Bra sizes A-I, bottom sizes XS-3X

ThirdLove makes bra shopping a little less overwhelming with their nifty Fit Finder and cup sizes ranging from A-I. I love their sexy-yet-functional styles, like this 24/7 Lace Balconette Bra made with ultra-thin memory foam cups. Functional doesn’t have to be limiting—you could go all out and opt for the marigold colorway. Pair it with a cheeky pair of underwear for that glow-worm glow.

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7. Eberjey

Bra sizes A-D, bralette sizes XS-XL, bottom sizes XS-XL

Eberjey’s been around for over twenty years for good reason! For barely-there lingerie, you could fall asleep in sizing from S-L (they do go up to XL and have cup sizes A-D on their site).

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8. Araks

Bra sizes A-D, bralette sizes XS-L, bottom sizes XS-XL

I saw some of their colorblocked bras on Instagram a while back and went rooting around like a squirrel in search of an acorn, trying to find out the brand behind the bras. Eureka, it was Araks! The brand makes a ton of styles in different colors, sizing from XS-XL, but I strongly recommend these incredibly cool color block styles that would honestly be a bummer to cover up with clothes.

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9. Underthing

Sizes S-L

I recently came across Underthing and was excited to see a full set for $34.99 (and three of their four available sets happen to be under $35)! This particular one comes in sizes S-L, but they also offer sets that come in number sizing 1-5. I also love that this style is a delicate white lace and comes with a thong, so you don’t have to worry about all the usual factors, like which bottoms come in which color and if the lace matches up, etc. etc. The brand did that work for you.

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10. Tove

Bra sizes S-L, bottom sizes S-L

I felt compelled to include Tove as a luxury option (the bra is $113 and the underwear is $73, both of which come in sizes S-L) because this delicate crinkle silk bra and underwear looks like the lingerie version of a strawberry macaron. This is the sort of lingerie you buy to wear truly as an outfit (the underwear is literally called the “Seren Pant”) around the privacy of your own home, perhaps with a robe and a newspaper.

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11. Baserange

Bralette sizes XS-L, bottom sizes XS-L

Another non-lace option for those who want to be fancy but not too frilly, check out Baserange’s sustainable collection of velour. The brand makes one set that has a triangle bralette with matching high-waisted or regular-rise bottoms (with some colorways on sale). Like Tove, this is a set I will certainly be wearing around my apartment as a home ‘fit but this time, I will be drinking a margarita and eating zesty flavored potato chips (perhaps homemade ones!).

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12. Elomi

Bra sizes DD-J, bottom sizes M-4X

For those who wear sizes DD-J bras, Elomi is a highly-rated contender. I love this beautiful white lace bra that has side support and optional matching high-cut briefs. Reviews on Bare Necessities reveal that customers love their Elomi bra so much—from the side support to the underwire that lays perfectly flat to the general security—that they went back and bought more.

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13. Chantelle

Bra sizes A-I, bottom sizes XXS-5XL

Another popular brand for people with larger busts is Chantelle, a brand offering delicate lace in both lined and unlined bra options. These bras skew a bit pricier, with bras up to $115. Chantelle’s bras are designed in France and are famed for offering a natural lift without added padding for longwear comfort. I personally think that the “Champs Elysées Bra”—which boasts a 5 start review—lives up to the fanciness of its name.

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14. Hanky Panky

Bra sizes A-D, bralette sizes XS-3X, bottom sizes XS-3X

There is no world in which I write a lingerie round-up and leave out my longtime favorite, Hanky Panky. Those rolled thongs were like candy that I hid from my mother as a teenager (true story). I personally own their Signature Lace Crossover bralette and matching thong which comes in sizes XS-M and new, bright colorways I didn’t know existed. I just became acquainted with their Retro Lace Bralette which looks like it may be a little more comfortable, with less of a drop down under the cups. It comes in XS-L and matching high-rise Retro “V-kini” because, as you can probably tell by now, I love a full lingerie ensemble.

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Feature Images via  Lonely Lingerie.

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How to Fall in Love on the Telephone, According to a Newly-Minted Matchmaker

In mid-March, Olivia Atwood half-jokingly put out a call on her Instagram Story to matchmake pairs via blind date phone calls, Love Is Blind-style. She clearly hit a nerve: Since then, the demand has become significant, her success rate steady and impressive, and her algorithm-less matchmaking has taken off. Atwood measures her success by evaluating how many people continue to talk to at least one of their matches for some time or continue to talk to this day, putting her at an 85% success rate. Online, her audience remains invested in the stories of the couples and their phone calls, which she conveys with pseudonymous cartoons she hand draws.

Here’s one of those cartoons I was talking about: Atwood’s followers are tuned into the pseudonymous stories of what’s going on in the pool. Grayson’s looking for love, and he’s accompanied by two of the three facts he shared about himself with Atwood.

Atwood’s in the process of formalizing her service. This means graduating from the Google Form: Soon, there will be a new, clean website for people to easily submit online and via mobile. Presently, when Atwood moves you off of the waitlist and texts to inform you that she has matches ready for you, it will cost a one-time fee of $10, with all proceeds going to Justice for Breonna Taylor.

We caught up with Atwood to hear about what she’s learned about love, from the vantage point of a virtual matchmaker, over the past five months.

Would you walk me through sort of how this matchmaking project has evolved since the beginning of quarantine?

Olivia Atwood: So when this started, it began as mostly a joke because my friend reached out to me in March: We were laughing and complaining about how it’s really hard to go out right now. She really wanted to get her flirt on, and I was like, “I know what you mean. It’s so hard to do that right now.” She was sick of using dating apps and messaging people endlessly and not creating any kind of deeper connection.

So, as a joke, I said, “Oh, well, what if I posted something on my Instagram and maybe started matching people for blind phone calls?” She said, “Oh, that’d be so funny.” So I threw something on my Instagram, walked away from my phone, came back a couple hours later, and I had 90 DMs in my inbox.

What have I done? I’ve created a monster. So from there, I started matching people. I’ve been organizing it with Google spreadsheets, and it’s really blown up at this point. I’ve now matched about 450 people for these blind phone call dates. It’s become way bigger than I ever intended when I started this back in March. I’m getting submissions from all over the place. I’ve matched people on different continents and across the U.S. Now, in August, it’s still going strong: I just checked this morning, and I have ten new entries.

A locked-down lifestyle facilitates more people being comfortable with talking to prospects that would otherwise make no geographical sense, right?

Yeah, definitely. A lot of people have asked me about the regional niche: If I take you off my waitlist, you’re probably going to get assigned at least three phone calls. One or two of those is going to be someone who’s in your region, but if there’s someone that I really think you might get along with and have a great conversation with, and they’re not in your region, I’m probably still going to toss that phone call in your direction because anything can happen right now.

We’re all pretty much stuck at home, so why not have a conversation with someone across the globe? In one of my most popular couples I post about Instagram, one of them is in Austria and the other one is in Minnesota, and they’ve been talking every single day. They’re basically dating. I think they have plans to meet up. There is talk of plane tickets. I just thought they would really get along. If it’s meant to be, it will be, even though one of them is literally across an ocean.

Wow. Have you learned anything new about chemistry, from your experience matchmaking? Clearly you had sort of a knack for it to begin with, but do you feel like you’ve honed your sense of chemistry in the last couple of months?

I definitely think I’ve gotten a lot better at it, as I’ve gone along. I’ve learned a lot about what’s important from somebody’s submission because I just ask people for three facts about themselves. I’ve learned how to read between lines on the submissions, really deduce people’s tone and what their personalities might be like beyond just what they’ve written for me.

I think the most important thing is that you’re not just texting somebody endlessly. My whole business is based on phone calls: I think that allows you to forge a deeper connection with the person that you’re talking to. In this specific pandemic time, phone calls have become so important and come back as a way to connect with people. I think it really allows for the chemistry to flow in a different way than it would on dating apps where you’re sort of texting endlessly.

It does seem to remove some of the awkwardness of Zoom. There’s something kind of ’90s about talking on the phone.

On a video call, I know that I would just be looking at myself on the video screen and being like, “Oh my God, does my hair look weird? Is my lipstick smudged? Is there something in my teeth?” Whereas this phone call takes it back to the basics and back to the way dating you used to be, just getting to know somebody.

How would you describe the instincts that you have for matchmaking?

The more that friends and family have learned about this, no one is really surprised—I am obsessed with relationships and love and I always have been. I always want to hear about your entire romantic history and your first kiss, and I want to know the whole story and I’m obsessed with matching people up. I guess I didn’t realize that that was so deeply a part of me until now.

I think I learned a lot about people from just how they write their facts. Some are just giving me one word, while others are writing a couple of sentences that are really funny or really seriously telling me about themselves and their passions, or I can learn about them from their use of punctuation. There’s so much information I get from this one submission.

On my submission form, I don’t ask what people are looking for and that’s become important to me. People have asked me why I don’t have people write in what they’re looking for, who they’re attracted to, or the kinds of people they dated in the past. I’ve left that off because, in my own case, I think I’d get in my own way a lot of the time.

Things that you might not think you’re looking for, things you think you’re looking for, I don’t really care. I’m matching you with someone I think you’re going to get along with. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t, but I want you to try to talk to this person without a preconceived idea of whether or not you’re going to get along with them. I think that’s been important with some of the couples that I’ve matched. I mean, I’ve matched a lot of real, live couples.

It’s so smart to un-train people from that robotic way that they use the apps.

Totally. This is removing that tyranny of choice that we’ve all gotten so stuck in with apps of limitless options, so you can keep swiping until you find the exact right person. For me, it’s like, “I’m going to give you a couple of calls and I think one of those probably going to be pretty good and it may not be with someone that you would have expected to talk to, but I think you’re going to have a good conversation.”

I also am kind of relentless about setting my friends up, and I was wondering if you have any advice for the layperson setting up their friends, anything you’ve learned from this experience or your prior experience setting people up?

Your friends don’t really know what they’re looking for. Not to make it too much about me and my personal experience, but my boyfriend that I’m currently dating is not someone I ever have dated in the past. He’s completely different than who I’ve dated before. I think being open to that is huge, because you don’t know, there could be someone out there that you would never expect to be with and you just hit it off with them.

I was talking to a couple of different friends of mine who have matches in more regional-proximity, but also a match who’s across the country. One friend in particular has a match who’s located out west and she’s on the East Coast—I don’t know romantically if there’s much of a spark. I think there was a spark initially and they continued talking. But she’s considering moving out west, and her match was like, “Hey, well, when you’re out here, definitely come crash on my couch, I’ll show you around.” She feels like she has a friend now, across the country. It’s not something you would have seen coming. You might not have thought that you would swipe on someone who’s in a different place than you, but now she has. At best, it’s a romantic connection. At worst, it’s a cool new friend in a different place. I don’t think anyone who originally joined my pool was really expecting to find someone through a random girl’s matchmaking service, and yet people have really connected.

Any funny anecdotes or success stories from recent pairings?

I mean, I’m actually in the process now of going back through all of my pools and counting exactly how many first dates I’ve initiated. It’s a pandemic, so it’s really hard, though people have been meeting up in safe, distant ways: taking walks or hikes in masks, etc. At least a couple of times a week, I get a text or a photograph of a couple that finally met up, at a distance. It’s funny because they’re all wearing masks in the selfies. It makes my day to such an extreme degree when I see these pictures or texts from people.

I had a guy out in Walla Walla, Washington, who was sending care packages of white onions and other Walla Walla produce to one of his matches in New York. That was incredible. There’s a couple doing family game nights with each other’s families over Zoom which I think is really beautiful. I have two couples who are doing the crossword together almost every day.

I’m glad that we did this interview over the phone, so we could get the real sense of what it’s like to be in your pool.

I’ve had people say to me, “Oh, it’s so hard trying to flirt with someone over the phone.” I have never done that. I don’t know what it would be like to be in my own pool. I have no idea. [Ed. note: Olivia did not try to flirt with me!]

This interview was condensed and edited for clarity.

Illustrations by Olivia Atwood.

The post How to Fall in Love on the Telephone, According to a Newly-Minted Matchmaker appeared first on Man Repeller.

How I Navigated an Almost-Breakup in Quarantine

After going into enforced isolation, I became obsessed with taking baths. I’d run the water until it was achingly hot and lower myself into the tub with a good book, a beer perched on the lowered toilet lid. It wasn’t just the opportunity to drink at typically-inappropriate times of day that earned indulgent cleaning rituals the top spot on my lockdown list. I started luxuriating in the bathroom because it is the only place in my tiny apartment that has a lock, which made its few square feet much more valuable.

Before the pandemic, uninterrupted time with my partner was precious precisely for its scarcity. When our diaries were otherwise packed with plans the occasional empty weekend would inspire long lie-ins together, marathon sex sessions, and stacks of Sunday-morning pancakes. And when lockdown measures began we were still the rose-tinted first year of our relationship—this extended time alone together was a kind of treat, a break from the distractions of real-life and the terrifying circumstances that had come to define it.

It was a time when we both may have preferred to take space from each other—but because of quarantine, we had nowhere else to go.

But a few weeks in, it became clear that quarantine was not going to be limitless quality time. My income shrunk drastically almost overnight, and days later I lost a close family member. Grief and fear came between us, and put pressure on problems that had previously been easy to ignore in our relationship. Minor irritations became existential crises, disagreements became irreparable rifts, and one particular blazing row left us on the brink of a breakup. It was a time when we both may have preferred to take space from each other—but because of quarantine, we had nowhere else to go.

The tension that rippled through the three rooms we shared felt vastly different from the easy intimacy that my partner and I had always shared. Before our relationship we had been best friends for a decade, after meeting in an English class and exchanging numbers on old Nokias when the teacher’s back was turned. There was no romance back then, but the kind of friendship that comes from the messy process of growing up alongside one another. By the time we finally realized that there might be something more between us I’d spent most of my twenties crashing through a string of short-lived relationships, going on disastrous dates and calling him up afterwards to debrief. I developed a grudging dislike of the dating apps that I’d spent seven years navigating. To me, love was binary. I strived for a perfect relationship that none of my Tinder dates could live up to, and became increasingly disillusioned as each fledgling romance that I had high hopes for descended into ghosting or petered out into half-hearted likes of each other’s Instagram posts.

When my relationship with my current partner began to splinter, the repercussions were note only difficult to escape—I no longer had someone to confide in about it. He slept on the sofa while I sprawled across my double bed sulking. We passed each other in the kitchen and barely spoke. Days of silence would suddenly erupt into a rage that resulted in me screaming at him in my pajamas. My baths grew longer, the water getting colder before I pulled the plug.

And yet, after a few weeks, things shifted. It started with an agreement to venture outside for a long walk together. We found undiscovered corners of countryside that I had no idea were so close to my home. We wandered through fields and let ourselves get lost, our conversations as ambling and circular as our route.

Was there a way forward for us when the world felt frighteningly stagnant?

At first we agonized over the demise of our now seemingly brief romance, lamenting the years of friendship that would be lost and trying to calculate the logistics of separation. Then the conversation began to meander in different directions—it became clear that he wanted to work on things, and in spite of my uncertainty, the conversation became constructive. Could we figure out a way to mend the rift that had ripped its way through our relationship? Did we care about each other enough to try? Was there a way forward for us when the world felt frighteningly stagnant, suspended between the reality that existed before the pandemic, and a fantasy future where life resumes? At first, these questions felt like simply new questions for killing time. Then they became glimmers of hope amid the otherwise bleak and uncertain blanket of the COVID crisis.

In our cramped apartment, small intimacies emerged. He brought me a coffee every morning, even after sleeping on the sofa. We tried couples therapy over Zoom, battling with bad internet in the hope that things might be fixable. When I needed time alone, he ran me a bath, giving me the space to wonder.

Months on, and slowly emerging from the strangeness of those few months, we are tentatively building a future again. I’m beginning to see the rough edges of our relationship as the contours of our love, to understand that most relationships are a little misshapen. We live in an era during which digitalization signals a decadence of choice, and when the slightest sign of strife can tempt us to DM slide our way to a potentially better option. To me, seeking out something new always felt safer than the vulnerabilities of long-term love, yet social isolation has slowed us down, bringing us closer to ourselves.

Lockdown made me stay, and in staying I learned things that made me and my relationship stronger.

I’ve wondered a few times what might have happened if my partner and I had fought when the world was a bit more normal. Whether I would have walked out and never come back. Lockdown made me stay, and in staying I learned things that made me and my relationship stronger. As I draft this from my bathroom, a notepad dampening with steam, I feel hopeful that the choice quarantine made for us was the right one. I’ve learned that a love like this is worth working on. That most problems can be talked out, with enough time and effort. And that sometimes a long bath is all the space you need to figure things out.

Graphic by Lorenza Centi.

 

The post How I Navigated an Almost-Breakup in Quarantine appeared first on Man Repeller.

6 Couples, 12 Outfits to Get Inspired By

For my partner Mikey and me, dressing up on Friday evenings for Man Repeller’s Instagram Happy Hour series has been a mighty source of joy during the last few months. Sometimes we coordinate outfits, sometimes we just dress in what we each independently want to wear.I’ve noticed other couples (who are also spending a lot more time together lately) syncing up their looks on social media, too. Seeing couples who take pleasure in dressing up together right now, even if it’s just to stay inside, is inspiring—and I’ve been taking mental notes. Some trends I’ve registered across the board include:

Going full leisurewear, but with an eye-catching printed sweat suit or monochrome set.
Wearing denim inside (yes! You heard correctly!) and pairing it with a comfy, breezy shirt and cloud-like shoes on your feet.
Subtly coordinating with similar colors and varied accessories.
Dressing in everything but the kitchen sink! A.k.a. taking advantage of the fact that your entire wardrobe is at your disposal.
Indulging in the quiet pleasure of an indoor cardigan.

Below are a selection of favorites that showcase this inspiration in action:

1. A Well-Dressed Two-Person Business

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6/27-7/27，讓萬吉和秀娥多麼驚奇一個月！ 秀娥：「不要覺得自己老就想每天休息，因為這樣，只會讓你越來越老！」 一個月前的今天，姑且一試的發了照片，沒想到讓萬吉秀娥從不知道Instagram 的老人，變成了會看留言的年紀大的人！

The New Dating Timeline: Comparing Before-Times to 2020

Remember 2019? Remember dating in 2019? First dates, a sneaked sip of a cocktail or politely requested bite of food when their order looked way better than yours, kissing—remember kissing? Things often progressed at a predictable pace we all happily complained about. Today, things move… differently. Below, illustrator Liana Finck shares her interpretation of the new dating timeline.

The post The New Dating Timeline: Comparing Before-Times to 2020 appeared first on Man Repeller.

Distant Dating Helped Me Finally Connect

Part 1:

I pressed the lock screen and slammed my phone down on the coffee table. I was two seconds away from wanting to delete the dating app from my phone. The humdrum of swiping right—but more, in my case, left—had me feeling drained and bored.

Why did I do this to myself?

Why did I put so much of my want and need to be with someone into an app? It felt like one of those fortune teller machines on a beachside boardwalk—the kind that could tell you your future for a measly five cents. It seemed worth it to try, to find out what my life might look like tomorrow or a year from now.

I wanted to know if there was a chance for me. Being alone, living alone, caused me to spend more time wallowing in how the air felt empty in my tiny Boston apartment. Small moment of laughing out loud at a scene in a show, felt as if my sanity was borderline maniacal, because there was nobody to laugh at the joke with me. Fruits spoiled faster, food bought and prepped for weeks of isolation came and went; stored to only be trashed because one mouth could not finish it fast enough. After my last heartbreak, I saw myself staying perpetually single; now I wanted to find my forever soulmate. My anxiety of waking up every morning as the slow days of March loomed peak pandemic made me thankful that I was here, alive and breathing.

I had to be strong for them, but who was being strong for me?

Teaching remotely gave my days their shape, but they soon became monotonous. I wondered if this was it: I hit the water kettle on, popped toast in the oven, and set up to press a smile on my face, looking at ten-year old fidgety faces staring back at me through my computer screen. My students now had to greet their teacher from inside their own homes, instead of from inches away, as they had before. I had to be strong for them, but who was being strong for me?

When the exhaustion got the best of me. When the tears creeped in the corner of my eyes as I curled up on my side of the bed at night, the rest of the sheets begging to be touched by anyone but me… feeling as cold and as distant as I did. I thought about how I felt, not connected to anyone. How for almost the last decade, I had been okay with being single forever.

I entered my thirties wanting to live a strong woman’s life, with the freedom to travel: sunbathing on the beaches of Tulum, kissing a French man outside the American bar near the Moulin Rouge. I wanted to be on my own, jumping from casual fling to fling. But in truth, I spent more time fearful of rejection, and not feeling good enough for anyone. I stared back at my phone. I pulled it toward me, and bent it slightly so it had my face in view, reflecting back at me. Sighing loudly, “All right, you win.” I tapped the app and began swiping.

Part 2:

Lining my lips with the fuschia lipstick, I pursed them together. Prior to pandemic, I had balked at putting on make-up to go out. At times, it felt like a chore. An easy façade, another layer of shield on an already cracked exterior. My friends “ooh and ahh’d” as we all crowded around the pre-pandemic living rooms of whoever was hosting that weekly girl’s night out. Celebrating each other’s confidence, as if stepping out to finesse all the expected men, who hadn’t met us yet, and who would be happily unexpecting such presence. When in reality, it ended up being us ladies, venturing out to a bar, finding ourselves crowded around the male bartender, who flirted his way into our wallets, and took a shot with us in order to make us older millennials not feel so desperate for attention. However, this moment felt a bit more controlled, I was only walking into the next room.

Lining up my couch with perfect pillows, lighting the softly scented vanilla candle and arranging my computer so that the light from above would give me a natural glow. I was in control of the ambiance. My glass of rosé gently caressed my tongue as it made its way down my throat, adding another layer of calmness, and yet my nerves did not quite dissipate.

Even though my virtual dating altar was set, my feet shook. My fingers tapped. Straight back, shoulders down, chin high. Do I have something in my teeth? Do I have lipstick on my teeth? I turned on Photobooth for a once-over. Where do I sit to be centered? Do I turn my head to the right or the left? Which is my better side? This top is all wrong. Too revealing? Not revealing enough? My head was beginning to pound. I took another sip of wine. It was less helpful this time. What if he did not like what he saw? I was eager for him to like me. Why was I eager for him to like me?

He whispered simple phrases that made me miss being pushed up against the corner of a crowded room.

He was different from those I had swiped on before. When we talked by phone, he spoke Portuguese patiently as I offered a butchered “bom dia” perhaps overly influenced by my high school Spanish. He yearned for where he grew up in Brazil and talked about it as if it was something out of a picture-book, full of color, in a way that left me wanting to dance among the waves on the beaches there. He whispered simple phrases that made me miss being pushed up against the corner of a crowded room and forcing ourselves close together just to hear each other. We made a plan to meet, by Zoom.

What if he doesn’t like me? What if these conversations could not translate the same way over a computer screen? Opening my home to a stranger this way made me feel vulnerable. This was new. Away from the conversations that we kept to the safety of a text, but moving to a virtual date? How was this going to be any better? If anything it felt worse. When you met someone in person at a restaurant, there were at least known distractions when you sat across a table. Here there was no waiter to interrupt the awkwardness. You could not reach out to each other to let the other know it was going well; that there would be a date two. And most of all, you had to stare at each other.

The forced eye contact left my heart pounding. I could so easily get lost in someone’s stare. Maybe, I could spotlight my own face, so I am only staring at me. Would it be rude to keep my video off? Do I need to invest in a ring light? Why did I not realize before that pink does not really pop the same way through a blurry screen? I wanted to bail immediately. For someone who absolutely hated dating, this felt like a nightmare. My tapping became louder. I closed my eyes. You are home. You are safe. If you want this, then you have to let it happen. “Hello,” he said, smiling.

I grinned back and took another sip. His face leaned to the side, his glasses shining the glare of his computer screen back at him. His hair flopped over his forehead, and he gently brushed it aside.

“Hi,” I said.

The post Distant Dating Helped Me Finally Connect appeared first on Man Repeller.