Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 10

“You have to be like super different than any other teenager to...

“You have to be like super different than any other teenager to get into a good college. But I don’t do many extracurriculars. So I’ve been focusing on my college essay. Our English teacher gave us this exercise to come up with ideas. We had to list all the letters from A to Z, and write words for each letter that relate to you. But I’d already thought about this a lot, so I just skipped straight to Z and wrote zombie apocalypse. First of all, I used to be scared of zombies. But now I’d love to be in a zombie apocalypse. So that demonstrates how feelings are, like, not permanent. Plus a zombie apocalypse would really highlight my strong points. It’s like a live-or-die type situation. You have to survive with a small group of people. In class I sometimes think about which group of people I’d choose to be with. I’d be the perfect one to assign roles because I like judging people. Someone will need to be the explorer. Another person needs to be the government kind of person. Then you’ve got to think really hard about the weapon assignments. Luckily I think about it all the time. Personally I’ll take the pistol because it’s really light weight and would allow me to keep moving. This is my friend Jiahao; I’d give him the axe. He likes to face things head on. So I think he’d really shine in close combat.”

“The whole world’s a fucking casino. In a casino some of the...

“The whole world’s a fucking casino. In a casino some of the smartest people in the world are doing everything to keep you gambling. They’ve taken the clocks off the wall. They’re pumping in oxygen. They’ve even thought about the patterns on the carpet. Everything has been scientifically engineered to keep you pulling that lever. And that’s our entire world now. It’s one big casino where some of the smartest people in the world are asking themselves: ‘What is the best way I can get people to eat more? What is the best way I can get people to watch more pornography? Or take more pills? How can I use artificial intelligence to serve people the exact succession of sixty second videos that will keep them staring at their screen for an entire day?’ I used to be a personal responsibility guy. A big reason for that is I have insane discipline. If I needed to completely stop eating candy for ten years, I could do it. Done. So if I ever saw someone who was obese, I’d think, I could do it. Put me in the exact same situation, and I’d lose the weight. But now whenever I see an obese person on the jogging trail, I just want to give them a hug. It’s almost enough to make me cry. I think God, this must be so fucking hard for you. And it’s going to take perfection: insane discipline, and time, and money, and listening to all the right podcasts. Every day of the week needs to be perfectly regimented. Five years of absolute perfection. That’s what it’s going to take. Because a ton of the smartest people in the world are getting paid massive amounts of money to figure out a way to make you fail.”

“It’s not too different from when you make a playlist for...

“It’s not too different from when you make a playlist for someone you love. Every lyric, every note, you wanted them to hear. You wanted them to know something. It’s a deep thing. If you tried to say it, it’d be excruciating. But you want them to feel it. It’s the same when you’re writing a song. The first song I ever wrote was in this park. I was thirteen. It was me and two other girls. We jumped the fence and sat on the grass and wrote in the sunshine. We made a rule that we wouldn’t write about boys, so the song was called: Not To Write About Boys. We thought it turned out awesome. And two days later we played our first show in this same park. I couldn’t play for shit back then, but I never looked back. Music gave me this mountain to climb that didn’t have a limit. Some years I’d spend almost 200 days on the road. I got to headline Webster Hall last year with my current band; it was a huge highlight of my life. Writing a song feels a little different now; it can be easy to get caught up in the pressure: the deadlines, the expectations, what people think. One wrong word and it becomes too cheesy, or too cool. The only way I know how to do it is to write for the fan in myself. That’s my compass. There’s a songwriter in me that writes the song, but I listen as a fan. Both parts have to weigh in, but the fan gets the final vote. When the fan inside me says: ‘I get that. I feel that. It makes me so fucking happy.’ Then I know I finally got it. That’s when I know it’s done.”

“Here it’s very hard to know if someone is genuine. I’m not sure...

“Here it’s very hard to know if someone is genuine. I’m not sure about other parts of the country, but at least in New York City. Back in Ghana a smile means: ‘Welcome,’ or ‘How are you?’ It means the person wants the best for you. But here it’s very hard for me to tell where it’s coming from. Sometimes when a person gets what they need, the smile goes away.”

“I was making adults cry, with my voice. At the age of six....

“I was making adults cry, with my voice. At the age of six. Everyone recognized my talent. And that’s when I began to tell myself a story: ‘You’re just as good as anyone else, or even better. You deserve everything you want.’ It was a bit egotistical. But it was the story I needed back then. I needed a story to make me feel enthusiastic, to make me fight. I came to the city at the age of 22; it was a perfect time to be in the New York City jazz scene. I got to sing on stage with Dizzy Gillespie, Joe Williams, Betty Carter. I ended up falling in love with another jazz singer. We became a duet, had some success, raised our children on the road. But then we fell apart, and so did our careers. I was never able to build it back to what it had been. Now I’m watching my kids succeed more than me. It makes me feel like I did my job as a mother: I was able to pass down everything I know. But it can be painful, too. Because they’re doing everything I desired most: they’re on stage, sharing their talents, being recognized. There’s a voice inside me that says: ‘You deserve that too. There’s still time. You can still do that.’ But that’s not the story I need to tell myself anymore. I don’t need a story to help me fight. I need a story to help me feel good in the moment. There’s this more mature part of me that says: Relax. You did a good job. You did a lot of stuff. The earth life only offers so many types of experiences. And I got to play so many parts: I got to be a singer, yes. But also the faithful daughter, the free-spirited girl who went off to explore the world, the pot-smoking hippie, the wild woman, the fool, the lover, the wife, the scorned woman, and the giving mother. Now I feel like I’m getting back to the Kim I was when I was five, before the story began: joking around, singing to my cat, singing to people on the street. Being happy for everyone else. Not worrying about getting ahead. Believing everything is going to work out. And that I’m exactly where I was always supposed to be.”

“Motherhood is not that hard. Times get hard, financially. But...

“Motherhood is not that hard. Times get hard, financially. But the rest I’ve got in the bag. It’s the post-partum that hit me more than motherhood. But I have to get up and fight through it, every day. I organized all this myself. I want her to know that she has people here who love her. I grew up hard, honestly. I struggled. My mom was there, but she wasn’t there. She was young, she was partying, she was never home. I can only remember having one birthday party; at the skating rink. So that’s why every birthday is important to me. I want her to remember this. I want her to remember every birthday.”

“God is not friend. God is king. God is master. But I love my...

“God is not friend. God is king. God is master. But I love my life. I have everything I need. This is life I want. Some people are slave to phone. I am slave to God. Other people change their God every day, like socks. When God stops working for them, they try a new one. But our God never changes. That’s the difference. But that’s OK. Everyone can believe what they want. We’re not looking for people to come to us. Who will come will come. But I know the truth. That’s why I study Torah all day long. In the Torah, God says: ‘Want to connect with me? Follow my law. If not, we’re not connected.’ That’s it. It’s not a game. Other people my age go out, drink, fight, do other stuff. That is like animal. And people do it because they have no law to stop them. Torah gives me rules to be a man. Follow God, help other people, especially Jewish people. There is no right or left. There is only what needs to be done. There is only Torah. And after this world comes the next. You work good this month, the paycheck will be good. Right? If you follow the law in this world, there’s nothing to worry about. If you don’t follow the law, well, it’s not a game.”

“I used to be a quiet person. But then I found a group of...

“I used to be a quiet person. But then I found a group of friends. And they were loud. So I was loud. And now we’re loud together.”

“It was Day 15 of COVID. I’d been eating Wendy’s for 14 days...

“It was Day 15 of COVID. I’d been eating Wendy’s for 14 days straight. Bacon whatever-the-hell-it-is. A lot of good hot cheesy nastiness. I was starting to feel it, bad. It was like: ‘I gotta move.’ Plus I wanted to let people know: ‘This is New York. We’re not going anywhere.’ Hand truck came from Home Depot. Got the dual 15-inch speakers at a really good electronics store in the Bronx. It’s called ‘Going Out of Business.’ That’s not the name, but they’ve had that sign in the window for twelve years. Corner of 3rd Ave and 149th. Tell them Love Train sent you. I can go about eight miles before I run out of charge. You gotta be respectful above 59th Street. A lot of elderly people up there. They’ve got sensitive hearing, so you’ve got to be mindful. Normally I’ll play Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, Elton John, all the old good stuff. But after 59th there’s no limits. That’s when the city kicks in. Anything goes: disco, hip hop, house. I’m competing with the sirens and trucks, so the louder the better. This set-up is 4th generation. The 3rd generation had lights and a television attached, but she’s currently in the custody of Miami PD. I’m gonna get her back, though. They gave me a good judge. She knew that Love Train is not a criminal. And spreading love is not a crime.”

“My downfall was when I first got a Kindle. I went...

“My downfall was when I first got a Kindle. I went straight to the self-published stuff the authors were selling for nothing. A lot of it was Romance. I read stuff my eleven-year-old self should not have been reading. But my favorite was called The ABCs of Kissing Boys. I read it multiple times. It’s about a girl who’s never been kissed. She falls in love with the next-door neighbor. She’d grown up with him. But one day she looked up, and he was different. And he was there. It gave me hope. I’d never been one who was sought after. I’d get these big, all-encompassing crushes. And they’d always just devastate me. But when I read these books, it was like: I can be her. It can happen. I fell in love with Romance. I even wrote my college thesis on it. There are a few rules every Romance must follow. Rule number one: it has to be about the romance. The book could be set in outer space. But it’s not about space exploration. It’s about two people who fall in love. Toward the end there will always be some sort of fight, or miscommunication. That’s the thrill of it. But it’s also the hardest part to do successfully. Because in the back of their mind, the reader knows. Rule number two: every Romance has a happy ending. Right now I’m still in my first act. A small-town girl moves to New York. She hasn’t found her dream job yet at a Romance publisher. But she’s working at an academic publisher, so she’s in the solar system. On weekends she works at a bookstore called Books Are Magic. Maybe one day, somebody will walk in. Boy, girl, doesn’t matter. They’ll buy her favorite book. Then they’ll keep coming back to buy the books she recommends. She’ll become the first person they text whenever they want to chat. She loves Corgis. So whenever they see a Corgi, they’ll text her a picture. There will be fights. Because this girl has never been able to stand up for herself. But she’ll feel safe with them, so she’ll stand up for herself. She won’t be made fun of. Or judged. She can say the most inane things. Every time she finishes a book, she can talk about it for hours. And they’ll be charmed. They’ll never say: ‘My God. It’s the same plot over and over.’”