Lance Greenfield's Blog, page 6

Rules for Young Dogs

My friend, Helen Ellwood, is writing a poem a day for NaNoWriMo. This isn’t a poem, but it is very amusing.

See her original post here.

Okay, this isn’t a poem, but it’s fun. My dear Dog Betty taught me these rules and I’m now passing them on to all the dogs who might be reading this.

Betty

1 Walk your human at least three times a day, no matter what the weather – they need the exercise.

2 Shout whenever you hear anything or think you hear anything. Humans have blunt teeth, a vestigial jaw and cannot hear much. They need our protection.

3 When anyone comes round, shout hello repeatedly – see rule number 2.  Jumping up gets their attention quite well. This teaches them good manners, namely cuddling you or playing ball with you constantly and giving you constant treats.

4 When out for walks, check each lamppost and tree for wee mails. There’s a lot of spam, but some of the information is quite interesting. You can send a reply by weeing on the same spot.

5 Make sure you poo where it can be found; humans like to pick it up in plastic bags for some reason.

6 Always eat your food really quickly or someone else will eat it. You can see them watching you eat. You know they want it.

7 When your mum or dad or any guests are eating, sit close by and watch every mouthful; they need encouragement to eat properly.

8 If you find something stinky, roll in it; it saves having to buy those scented candles.

9 If anyone’s back is sore and they lie down on the floor, sit on them or lean on their legs, it helps healing.

10 Doze, snooze and relax as much as possible until a film your mum or dad wants to watch comes on TV, then ask to go out; TV is bad for their creativity.

The Life of an Ocado Driver: Q&A

View the original post here

A key part of the Ocado experience is receiving your delivery from one of our friendly drivers. We know you’d love to hear more about them, so here three of our incredible drivers answer your burning questions.

Lance has been making Ocado deliveries for 9 months. His favourite products are the M&S ready meals and stonebaked pizza range.

[image error]

WHICH VAN DO YOU LIKE DRIVING MOST?
“The Lemon van, because I am a writer and I love alliteration, ‘Lance in the lemon van’ – plus, yellow is the cheeriest colour.”

WHAT DO YOU ENJOY LISTENING TO WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING?
“Classic FM.”

WHAT IS THE NICEST THING A CUSTOMER HAS SAID TO YOU?
“The service that we receive from Ocado is the best and you are the best of the best, Lance.”

HOW MANY DELIVERIES DO YOU DO A DAY?
“On average, 18 deliveries a day.”

WHERE IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO DELIVER?
“The New Forest area in daylight hours, Bournemouth and Poole. The open areas of Bath, but not the tight areas of that city.”

Esther’s Challenge – Laugh-along-a-Limerick

Happy Monday to you all and welcome, once again, to Esther Chilton’s regular kick-off-the-week challenge.

Today, Esther’s one-word prompt is SCHOOL. So can you write a limerick using the word SCHOOL in it somewhere?

So, see if you can write a limerick to lift the blues and make us chuckle. Make us laugh!

But, if you want to side-step the weekly prompt, please feel free to ignore it and write a limerick to suit your current mood and feelings. Just let it flow. Delight us all with your creativity.

Post your submissions in the Comments on this post

Lance – First day at school (Dronfield)

Esther’s Challenge – Can You Tell A Story In . . .

It is Thursday and time for your latest five-word story challenge from Esther Chilton. 

This is an open invitation to all of my followers and Esther’s to have some fun with words.

Esther’s challenge to you today is to tell a story in five words, using the word STATIONARY in it somewhere.

Here are your starters:

Remaining stationary got me nowhere.

British trains are often stationary.

Stationary squids claim safe ground.

Please post your submissions in the Comments on this post.

Esther

Esther’s Challenge – Laugh-along-a-Limerick

Happy Monday to you all and welcome, once again, to Esther Chilton’s regular kick-off-the-week challenge.

Today, Esther’s one-word prompt is RING. So can you write a limerick using the word RING in it somewhere?

RING is a word that is a recurRING in so much literature: folklore, horror, crime, classics . . .

So, see if you can write a limerick to lift the blues and make us chuckle. Make us laugh!

But, if you want to side-step the weekly prompt, please feel free to ignore it and write a limerick to suit your current mood and feelings. Just let it flow. Delight us all with your creativity.

Post your submissions in the Comments on this post

Esther

Esther’s Challenge – Can You Tell A Story In . . .

It is Thursday and time for your latest five-word story challenge from Esther Chilton. 

This is an open invitation to all of my followers and Esther’s to have some fun with words.

Esther’s challenge to you today is to tell a story in five words, using the word TROUBLE in it somewhere.

Here are your starters:

Lance is ALWAYS in trouble

Save tomorrow’s troubles for tomorrow

Please post your submissions in the Comments on this post.

Esther

The only limits are the boundaries of your imagination.

Esther’s Challenge – Laugh-along-a-Limerick

Happy Monday to you all and welcome, once again, to Esther Chilton’s regular kick-off-the-week challenge.

Today, Esther’s one-word prompt is BLUE. So can you write a limerick using the word BLUE in it somewhere?

Some of us may be affected by the Monday morning blues, but blue can also be such a happy colour. So, see if you can write a limerick to lift the blues and make us chuckle. Make us laugh!

But, if you want to side-step the weekly prompt, please feel free to ignore it and write a limerick to suit your current mood and feelings. Just let it flow. Delight us all with your creativity.

Post your submissions in the Comments on this post

Esther

Esther’s Challenge – Can You Tell A Story In . . .

It is Thursday and time for your latest five-word story challenge from Esther Chilton. 

Although well on the road to recovery from her surgery earlier this year, Esther is feeling a bit rough today. So, this week, our single word prompt is ROUGH.

My personal challenge to you is to tell a story in five words, using the word ROUGH in it somewhere, which will make Esther feel a better.

Lance and Esther

Here are your starters:

Sea’s a bit rough today

Lady Chatterley loves rough gamekeeper

Please post your submissions in the Comments on this post.

This is an open invitation to all of my followers and Esther’s to have some fun with words.

The only limits are the boundaries of your imagination.

Esther’s Challenge – Laugh-along-a-Limerick

Happy Monday to you all and welcome, once again, to Esther Chilton’s regular kick-off-the-week challenge.

Today, Esther’s one-word prompt is SUN. So can you write a limerick using the word SUN in it somewhere?

We are hoping that your verses will some bright light into our lives as we start this sparkling, brand new week. Make us laugh!

But, if you want to side-step the weekly prompt, please feel free to ignore it and write a limerick to suit your current mood and feelings. Just let it flow. Delight us all with your creativity.

Post your submissions in the Comments on this post

Esther

Esther’s Challenge – Can You Tell A Story In . . .

It is Thursday and time for your latest five-word story challenge from Esther Chilton. 

Today is national poetry day in the UK.

To celebrate, a national poll was conducted and William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18, Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” was voted to be UK’s favourite poem.

So, this week, our single word prompt is SUMMER.
Can you tell a story in five words, using the word SUMMER in it somewhere?

Here are your starters:

Summer has come and gone

In my heart, it’s summer

William Shakespeare

Please post your submissions in the Comments on this post.

This is an open invitation to all of my followers and Esther’s to have some fun with words.

The only limits are the boundaries of your imagination.