Nicole Field's Blog, page 32
December 29, 2015
Rounding the year off with a set of matching crocheted lap...
Rounding the year off with a set of matching crocheted lap blankets. I call them Starburst and Rainbow.
Last winter, I spent a lot of the time feeling too cold, but too lazy to grab one of the many full sized blankets I had around the house. They were too heavy, too ungainly, and just looked messy when stacked anywhere.
Towards the end of winter, I started making Rainbow (right) but didn’t have the wool that I wanted to finish it off. On Boxing Day, while sitting back drinking sangria and watching Gilmore Girls with @omgshinies, I finished Rainbow but realised it was too fun to make and I didn’t want to stop there. Rather than making the mistake of yet another big, heavy blanket, I started a new one with the excess wool I’d grabbed for the original blanket.
After crocheting and unpicking it multiple times, I just finished Starburst yesterday.
Now I’m looking forward to winter…
"It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front..."
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back she was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.
”- It’s not that I don’t love you. (via extrasad)
December 28, 2015
togrutan:
i mean… they all shared a jacket so…
Good evening...
i mean… they all shared a jacket so…
Good evening and goodnight.
"“Is it going to be a problem that I like Benedict too?” Ophelia bit her lip behind Alixx’s..."
“Is it going to be a problem that I like Benedict too?” Ophelia bit her lip behind Alixx’s head, still holding onto the other girl.
Alixx’s words didn’t come immediately, but when they did they sounded careful, considered. “I… I don’t know. I know that a lot of magicians are doing things that way now. Being… polyamorous.”
Ophelia’s arms tightened around her.
“It’s just that, we’re young. How are we supposed to know what we’re going to be okay with?” Alixx continued.
“Why don’t we try?” Ophelia asked softly.
Alixx sighed. “But what if we hurt each other? What if you like Benedict more than you… love me? This probably sounds so backwards to you.” Alixx shook her head, and her hair came forward, into her face.
“It doesn’t sound backwards.” Ophelia took the time to reach out and curl Alixx’s hair behind her ears, out of her face. Her gaze dipped to Alixx’s lips, but she kept a reasonable distance for the conversation. “It sounds like you have worries. Legitimate worries, even.”
Alixx nodded, then leaned into Ophelia’s hand.
“I can’t convince you that we’re never going to hurt each other,” Ophelia said honestly. “I wouldn’t, even if I had no interest in anyone else. But… loving Benedict more than I love you? Love isn’t finite, sweetheart. My love certainly isn’t.” She bit her lip, seeming to struggle with how to phrase what she was thinking.
“Okay, yeah, I get that. My love isn’t either.” Alixx’s brow screwed up as she thought. “But… maybe we could have some time? Time where it’s just us, before… you and Benedict…?”
Ophelia smiled. “I think that’s exactly how I’d love to do it,” she said.
”-
from “Big Damn Heroes” (working title)
Poly in Fiction #9
I swear I’ve had this conversation before, and others like it, more than once, in multiple conversations over the past ten years.
I wrote this passage today. It took me over an hour and saw me getting stuck several times, desperately reading out dialogue to @fragilesoftmachines and asking how I should go about writing the next part.
By the time I got to the end of it, I felt achieved, but also like WTF?
I started this series of blog posts to try to consciously conceive of how I might go about writing my own polyamorous fiction outside of fanfic of other peoples’ work. There really isn’t a lot out there to learn from, and the only understanding I personally have of how to write it has come from what I’ve read of Cat Valente’s work and, of course, fanfiction.
Today, I realised that this small amount of influence in literature–plus my own personal experience–seriously isn’t enough for my writing of it to come organically. But I got there once: today. Hopefully that’ll mean it’s all downhill from here.
Or… something similarly motivating…
December 27, 2015
New Year Write-Up
I can’t believe how much faster this month went than the last one, but then this whole year has just been a combination of going fast and having So Much happen.
This year, I have literally doubled the number of books I read two years ago. I am grateful to my glasses for making me able to spend more time reading and less time trying to squint and figure out what the words mean.
I’m grateful for finding myself again. I’ve always had a strong sense of self, and it’s still a complete mystery how thoroughly I lost it.
I’m grateful to my beloved not!husband for this wonderful first year of not!marriage, and our 7th year all up.
I’m grateful for my beautiful kittens for being cute, for knowing when to give hugs and become pillows, and to Ludo-bear especially for being my plushy toy that breathes and purrs at night.
I am grateful to the literal hundreds of dollars in gift cards that we received over Christmas that has meant new books and an overhaul in decorating and face-lifting the backyard after 6 years of living here (in January). Oh! And the Apple TV that is NOT in the backyard. :D
I’m grateful to my wonderful friends who often let me come over and craft or otherwise ignore them for several hours before going home again.
I’m grateful to the new person in my life and his daughter for also allowing me to craft and ignore them, but also for making me feel so welcome in their lives and forgiving the small things like my enjoying episodes 1-3 of Star Wars. And laughing before the funny lines are actually said in Buffy.
I am grateful for the wonderfully strong woman who never intended to become a manager. She has a loving partner of 15 years, no kids, and is just a brilliant, amazing and inspiring person. I love going into work. I’ve been there from the day the clinic opened in September, and it’s just the most exciting and humbling thing to be a part of.
I am grateful for my studying on FutureLearn on my days off, my writing group on Thursdays and my new writing set up at home that actually really does see me being constructive (even if constructive some days is cleaning so I can enjoy my work space even more).
This year has had some of the worst and best points of my life. I won’t be sad to see the end of this year, but I will remember it.
December 26, 2015
sardonyxsbae:
TBH if the new Star Wars series doesn’t end with Rey Finn and Poe all together in a...
TBH if the new Star Wars series doesn’t end with Rey Finn and Poe all together in a great polyamorous relationship I will be incredibly disappointed.
Yes.
December 16, 2015
Poly in Fiction #8
I have a vague idea for a polyamorous angle for the Hans Christian Anderson fairytale, The Snow Queen, starting from the Seventh Story when Gerda gets to the Snow Queen’s palace and finds Kay.
I want to flesh out the character of the Snow Queen as someone who’s isolated and lonely as opposed to just ‘evil’.
Reading A Court of Thorns and Roses this morning, there was an agreement of one week a month given to the competitor to the main love interest in exchange for a healing.
“Rhysand hadn’t done any of this to save me, but rather to hurt Tamlin.”
I wondered, what if it wasn’t to hurt the other protagonist? What if that was an overly simplistic explanation given just to hide any point of vulnerability for the other character?
“You saved my life.”
“And through *your* life, I saved Tamlin’s.”
“Why?”
He winked, smoothing his blue-black hair. “That, Feyre, is the real question, isn’t it?”
The Snow Queen shows that Kay is watched and coveted by the Snow Queen before she takes him away. I want to write this from Kay’s point of view, because view point is important and the original fairy tale is told from Gerda. This tale would highlight how the interactions and relationship between Kay and the Snow Queen are different to that of Kay and Gerda by virtue of being adult rather than adolescent in nature. But by the time Kay and Gerda become adults, they don’t want to leave her.
December 15, 2015
hot-mess-monstr:
cordeliaschase:
This is insane. You people...
This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara’s affairs. We are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?
We’re family.
except Spike
Legitimately one of my favourite episodes of Buffy. This taught me at the ripe old age of 19 that family isn’t about blood kin, it’s about the people we choose. I love Tara’s face in the last panel. I reckon I’ve pulled that face every time I realised just how much I mean to someone.
